


Brace For Impact

by ESKcreative



Series: Brace For Impact Series [1]
Category: Actor RPF, Aidan Turner - Fandom, Being Human (UK) RPF, Irish Actor RPF, Poldark (TV 2015), Poldark (TV 2015) RPF, Poldark - All Media Types, Real Person Fiction, The Hobbit RPF
Genre: Airplane Crashes, Beaches, Crash Landing, Eventual Romance, F/M, Falling In Love, Flirting, Fluff, Imagines, Love, RPF, Romance, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Survival, poldark - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:41:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 63
Words: 248,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21775384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ESKcreative/pseuds/ESKcreative
Summary: "Love was no longer a question between us. It was an undeniable truth, stronger than any other, and it was a promise of tomorrow, and the next day, even in the moments when we were apart."A shocking tragedy brings together two unlikely souls in the most unique and terrifying adventure of their lives.When Colette finds herself stranded in the middle of the Pacific with Aidan Turner, after a horrific plane crash, she's forced to forget that she was once just his fan. Tensions rise, danger strikes, miracles happen, and they both learn what it truly means to love, and be loved in return.
Relationships: Aidan Turner/Original Female Character, Aidan Turner/Reader
Series: Brace For Impact Series [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2074200
Comments: 2013
Kudos: 609





	1. Flight

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not personally know Aidan Turner, and therefore, this story likely does not portray his actual character. This is just an imagined story for fun, exploring what might happen if he were to have been put in this situation.
> 
> The character of Jane is completely fictional as I did not want to make assumptions about any of Aidan’s past relationships.
> 
> If you like a SLOW burn, then you've come to the right place :)
> 
> I hope you enjoy! Leave a comment if you do!
> 
> If you'd like to follow along with my writing journey and see what inspires me, like my [Facebook Page!](https://www.facebook.com/ESKcreativeworks)

_“What would you have me do?”_

_“I’d have you be honest, Ross. To her, to me, to yourself.”_

_“Am I not honest? Where am I not honest now?”_

_“Go to war, Ross, and play soldiers. Or stay home and save all of Cornwall. What it is to be married to such a great man.”_

Soon, the screen went blank and then the credits began to roll following the final episode of the second season of my guilty pleasure. Poldark had me hooked and it had showed no signs of releasing me. My eyes were glued to the screen every Sunday night as I watched Ross and Demelza ride the ebbs and flows of their marriage. This season, Ross did the unthinkable and betrayed Demelza by sleeping with his ex-lover. It was utterly shocking, and laughably, I still hadn’t recovered. I was eager to see how season 3 might somehow bring Ross and Demelza close again.

I switched off the television and sighed, standing up from the sofa. In perfect honesty, while I was very interested in their story, I was much more enamored by the deep caramel eyes of the man who portrayed Ross. Aidan Turner was really the most beautiful man I’d ever laid eyes on in my 28 years of life. It had stunned my how quickly I’d fallen for him, just a few episodes into season 1, a year and a half ago.

Since then, I’d binged most of his other roles. He’d been a vampire, a dwarf, and Pre-Raphaelite artist. I loved them all. He was so skilled in his portrayal of these characters and I applauded his talents. I also applauded the fantastic genes he was granted. He was painfully handsome, with dark, wild curls, a smile that always touched the corners of his eyes, and a kind yet witty personality that made me grin embarrassingly at the screen.

It was silly really. He was a famous actor from Ireland, and I was a project manager for a small design firm in southern California. I was trying to piece my life back together after a bad breakup half a year ago. Caleb and I had dated for a year, and while it started out all roses and daisies, he became too busy for me. Multiple nights in a row when he “didn’t have time for a call” and broken dates on many occasions. I began to see that I was no longer his priority, and it was too difficult to make him mine if he wasn’t giving anything back. Our breakup was mutual, but I couldn’t help but think that it was much more painful for me. It was tougher to take on LA on my own. I’d moved here 3 years ago from Wisconson, and sometimes I felt really alone without someone to share my life with. But fawning over a celebrity surely wasn’t the solution to my problems.

There was one thing that I knew would help take my mind off the realities of life though. Tomorrow I would be taking a 13-hour flight to Auckland, New Zealand for a relaxing week-long vacation with my best friend, Lainey. She was a botanist and she’d landed a free trip to study the plants and foliage of New Zealand for research. I was envious of her intelligence and also the insanely generous company she worked for, paying for her to travel like that. When she asked if I’d like to spend the week with her and told me the trip would be paid for, minus the plane ticket that I’d have to purchase for myself, I jumped at the opportunity. A week-long trip to an exotic country with my best friend, for just the price of a round-trip plane ticket? I was in.

Lainey would be flying to Auckland direct from Taiwan, the previous stop on her trip around the globe, so I would be on my own tomorrow on my flight. I dreaded the long flight alone, but I’d packed a book and my iPad with multiple downloaded movies to try and make the time pass more quickly.

I walked to my dresser in my tiny studio apartment and pulled my passport from the top drawer and placed it on top of my already neatly packed suitcase.

After showering and brushing my teeth, I climbed into bed and pulled the covers up to my chin and yawned, hoping sleep would find me quickly so that I’d be alert for my early flight in the morning. I closed my eyes and my mind wandered to Aidan again. He’d been to New Zealand when filming The Hobbit. I would definitely be dragging Lainey to some of the filming spots. She knew of my fixation on him and I was sure she’d oblige. Maybe reluctantly, but she was a good friend.

I felt sleep begin to overcome me, and images of vast green New Zealand meadows mingled with perfect curls and molasses eyes.

***

The next morning, I was in an Uber and on my way to LAX by 5am. I watched the congested traffic move quickly around me breathed a sigh of relief, knowing I’d be spending a week in a much more tranquil, less populated area. I needed a break from the hustle and bustle, and the expectations and demands of everyday life in LA. It was exhausting and honestly, not my cup of tea. If it were feasible, I’d rather live deep in the mountains of Colorado, or the bright and open plains of the Midwest. I’d never been a city girl, as hard as I tried to be, but it was my only option in my current situation, and so I dealt with it.

Once the driver dropped me off at the airport, I made my way through security and then wheeled my carry-on suitcase to my gate. I’d packed light so that I wouldn’t have to check a bag. Besides, the clothing I needed for New Zealand this time of the year was lightweight and minimal. I reached my gate and bright red letters read “AUCKLAND” on the digital display above the desk. I found an empty seat and sat, pulling out my phone. I briefly looked around at the travelers walking quickly past me. I’d heard rumors that Aidan was visiting his girlfriend in LA recently, and I always had a twinge of butterflies in my stomach when I was in public places, hoping I might catch a glimpse of him.

I sighed and looked back at my phone. The chances of spotting him were about as likely as finding a needle in a haystack. I pulled up my messages and typed one to Lainey.

_At my gate. Can’t wait to get this vacation started!_

Three small dots appeared seconds later as she responded to me.

_Sweet! It’s gonna be a blast! Have a safe flight!_

I grinned and sat back in my seat, flipping to the Instagram app. My feed was mainly updates from my personal friends, with a few photos of Aidan peppered throughout from the fan pages I followed. One was a paparazzi photo of him holding hands with his girlfriend. Her name was Jane and I recognized the street behind them. He _was_ in LA.

So close, yet so far. I laughed to myself.

I looked at the time. I still had a half hour before boarding began, so I pulled out my iPad and queued up and episode of Friends, another favorite of mine.

Immersed in the episode, time went by quickly, and before I knew it, they were announcing boarding groups. I was group 3, because I bought a stingy business class ticket, so I didn’t pay much attention to the first groups being called up. I wrapped my headphones neatly together and placed them with my iPad back into my bag.

“NOW BOARDING, GROUP 3 AT GATE D5.” The intercom sounded loudly into our section of the airport.

I stood up and pulled out my phone again and displayed my digital boarding pass on the screen, ready to swipe it over the reader at the gate. The rest of my group 3 companions began to line up and I followed the slow line to the jet bridge.

Pulling my suitcase behind me, I rolled down the small hallway towards the plane and checked my seat number once more before pocketing my phone.

A flight attendant greeted me happily as I stepped inside and I turned right to pass through the first-class section. I briefly envied the oversized, cushioned seats, but then I remembered how much extra they’d paid for those amenities and felt better about myself.

Most were businessmen in black and grey suits and elderly couples who had the funds for such extravagance, but 3 rows back, my eyes caught a glimpse of someone who didn’t fit the rest of the crowd. He looked to be in his thirties and was sitting, hunched over in his seat, deep into his phone. He wore a black bomber jacket and dark jeans, and his hair was _exactly_ like Aidan Turner’s.

A shot of butterflies invaded my stomach, but receded quickly as I realized I was probably just seeing what I wanted to see. As the person behind me crowded my spaced and pushed me further down the aisle, I craned my neck, trying to get another look, but the man kept his head down and I wasn’t able to catch a glimpse of his face.

I found my seat and looked back up the aisle, trying to see into first class, but the flight attendant appeared suddenly and shut the curtains.

He _had_ really looked like Aidan, but could it really be? I doubted it.

So, I sat back in my seat and buckled myself in, preparing for the long flight. I hoped I’d be able to get at least a few hours of sleep during the trip, but I was awful at sleeping on planes.

Since I was in an aisle seat, I had to stand up briefly for two passengers to take their seats next to me. It was an older couple, maybe in their 70’s, and we exchanged hellos before I pulled out my book and dove into the pages, blocking out the world around me, like I knew so well how to do.

Soon, the pilot taxied to the runway and we began to pick up speed before lifting softly from the ground and into the air. I watched the coast of California disappear from view as the pilot flew towards the ocean. I knew the entire flight would travel above the vast waters of the Pacific, so I wasn’t too heartbroken that I didn’t have a window seat.

I read for awhile, pausing to peek up the aisle at first class every time the curtain opened for the flight attendant to pass through, but I was never able to catch a glimpse of the Aidan Turner look-a-like. I sighed and settled back into my reading while sipping a soda from the snack cart. In my novel, the heroine is swept off her feet by a man who falls for her despite his betrothal to another woman. I wondered if he truly ever stopped loving the woman he’d originally intended to marry.

It was a page-turner for sure, but after a few hours, I felt my eyelids grow heavy, and so I tucked it into the seat pocket in front of me and reclined my seat slightly, hoping I would manage to fall asleep.

I tried to drown out the noises of the plane as I settled into my seat and closed my eyes, thinking about the man in first-class with the deep brown curls.

***  
  


Without warning, I was jerked awake as the plane shook violently. I sat up in my seat, wide-eyed, looking for the flight attendant for explanation. She was nowhere in sight, so I looked out the window. The sun had risen much higher in the sky. I must have been asleep for many hours. The violent jerking of the plane receded slightly, but the vibration was still more noticeable than should be. I looked to the passengers around me who also held expressions of worry.

The fasten seat belts light blinked on and a voice came over the intercom. “Ladies and gentlemen, the seatbelt sign is now on. Please remain seated.”

I furrowed my brow. Usually they told us the reason for turning the seatbelt light on, mid-flight.

A flight attendant came whooshing past me from the back of the plane quickly. She was moving at a speed that worried me slightly.

The captain spoke again. “Ladies and gentlemen, my apologies, but we’ve appeared to have encountered a minor engine issue and will need to change our flight path to land at the nearest airport. That airport is Kona International Airport on Hawaii.”

A whispering of voices surrounded me with worry and disappointment. Hawaii was surely behind us by now. This would mean we’d need to turn around.

“In theory, we could make it to our destination of Auckland, but for safety best practices, we’ll be stopping in Hawaii and changing planes.” The captain continued. “Please remain seated and should be experience any change in pressure in the cabin, the oxygen masks will drop from above you. Please refer to your in-flight manual for instructions on correct use. Again, my apologies for this delay.”

I sighed and rubbed my forehead. I knew safety was top priority, but I hated that this change of plans would cut into my vacation time.

I noticed that everyone was looking out the left side of the plane and I craned my head to see as well, and then I noticed that the windows were a shade of grey instead of a bright blue like they should have been. I began to realize that the left engine was smoking immensely, and I gasped. This didn’t seem like a _minor_ engine issue.

The captain came back on the intercom again and cleared his throat. “Ahem, ladies and gentlemen. As some of you may have noticed, our left engine has encountered some malfunctions. Again, we plan to make an emergency landing in Kona, however, should we need to make a water landing, the cushions on your seats can be used as flotation devices and lifeboats will inflate at the emergency exits. Please familiarize yourselves with the emergency procedures in your pamphlet. Please continue to stay seated. Thank you.”

The chatter inside the plane began to increase in volume as everyone fingered through their pamphlets and stared out the window in fear.

I stared blankly down the aisle. Was there actually a threat of an emergency landing? They were always too cautious about these things. They had to cover themselves should something go wrong, but I knew planes could fly with one engine. This was all just a precaution.

Suddenly, a large flash of light burst outside the right side of the plane and the cabin shook again, this time more violently.

I held onto the seat in front of me as countless screams emerged around me. The plane rattled and rocked, sending under-seat bags scooting across the floor and then the compartments above our heads burst open and yellow oxygen masks dangled in front of us. My heart beat out of my chest as I grabbed it and placed it over my nose and pulled the elastic around my head. I looked out the window and saw that the right engine was now engulfed in bright orange flames and black smoke.

“What the…” I breathed, even though I knew no one was listening. Both engines were malfunctioning. There was no third engine. We were out of options. I felt a knot in my throat as the chaos grew around me.

A flight attendant appeared in the aisle and began helping passengers apply their masks. She looked absolutely terrified. Her hands shook as she held onto the seats, trying to steady herself. I’d always been told, when feeling strange bumps or sounds on an airplane, to look at a flight attendant, and if they looked calm, then everything was fine. This time, everything was not fine.

The pilot spoke again. His voice was strained, and I could hear his fear. “Attention. We will be needing to make an emergency water landing. It is going to be rough. Please assume brace position.”

A water landing? In the middle of the ocean? I felt nauseous. The flight attendant began to demonstrate the brace position. We all placed our hands on our heads and leaned forward into the back of the seat in front of us.

I expected to hear cries, but the plane was eerily quiet as we all awaited what would happen next. What if this water landing wasn’t so much a landing, but more of a crash? I thought of Lainey, arriving in New Zealand, only to find out I would never get to join her. I thought of my parents and my sister, and how they would hear the news. How had my situation changed so drastically in just these few moments?

I began to feel faint, and I tried to breath the flow of oxygen more steadily. If I wanted to survive this, I had to stay focused.

The whirring of the malfunctioning engines grew higher and higher in pitch until, without warning, they both gurgled their last effort, and then….silence.

Not perfect silence, we were still traveling at high speeds through the air, but there was a strange silence when the engines ceased to function.

And then, I saw a bag slide between my feet towards the front of the plane. We were nosediving. I breathed heavily as I stared at my feet, trying to keep my head and arms braced against the seat in front of me.

Would it hurt? Would I know I was dying? Would I be fatally injured and then have to float around the ocean until I finally died?

I felt my ears pop as we descended quickly. I knew we were probably directly in the middle of the pacific. Was a water crash better or worse than a land crash? Did it even matter?

“Brace for impact!” The pilot was yelling now.

I think everyone was too terrified to even make a sound. I squinted my eyes shut and took a deep breath, ready to face whatever came next. Just when I questioned how much further we had to go, everything went black.


	2. Landing

I was hot.

There was intense heat all around me. The rough fabric of my jeans pressed against my right cheek. The jeans felt wet. My forehead felt wet. My body felt numb. My ears were ringing. I could hear nothing. I tasted salt and iron. My mouth was dry. I experienced a sense of floating. Up and down. Up and down.

A small pressure touched the side of my neck, just under my jaw. It was warm, but not burning. It retreated.

I tried to lift my head, but my body did not move. I opened my eyes slowly. There was only blur. Black and blue, orange and yellow. It was calm yet chaotic.

The orange and yellow became blocked by a moving figure. I couldn’t make it out. I tried to reach towards it, but my arm would not move.

I felt the same warm touch on my back and under my legs, lifting me from my seat. I tried to speak, but I still could hear nothing.

***

Breeze.

I felt breeze.

The inside of my eyelids glowed red.

Daylight.

I tried to feel my fingers and toes.

Still numb.

I tried to open my eyes. Bright blue. The sky.

I could feel the motion of water beneath me. I was in a boat. But it was soft. A lifeboat.

I tried to move my head. It obliged, but it sent a searing pain through my neck. I saw the same blurry dark figure a few feet away, but the pain was too much. Everything went black.

***

My eyelids were red again. But this time, they flickered in time with the breeze.

I breathed deeply. There was a dull pain in my chest.

I opened my eyes and saw what looked like palm fronds twisting and turning over my head, flapping in the wind. My vision was clearer. I could make out the edges of each of the leaves and the sun that shone between them.

I was laying down. I could hear seagulls in the distance. I tried to sit up and my body allowed me to do so, but a tremendous pounding in my head began as soon as I raised it. I closed my eyes again and lifted my hand to my forehead in response.

“Whoa, hang on. Don’t sit up yet.” A deep voice spoke from nearby.

I felt the ground beneath me echo slightly and then an increased proximity of someone near me. I lowered my head back to the ground

“That’s right. Just don’t move too much yet.” The voice spoke again. It was unfamiliar, yet it sparked a memory. It wasn’t American. But I couldn’t place it in my half-conscious state. I was becoming more aware of my body now though. There was a searing pain in my head and I winced.

I tentatively squinted into the daylight. Someone was sitting next to me, staring directly at me. His expression was a strange mix of worry and relief. I recognized the eyes, but my brain was still not working at full power yet. My comprehension was cloudy and disjointed.

“How are you feeling?” The man asked. He had a deep gash on the left side of his face.

I furrowed my brow and winced again. I noticed a dark brown curl of hair dangling across his forehead. A sense of recognition overcame me. The pieces began to fall into place.

“My head hurts.” My mouth was drier than I had anticipated, and my words came out scratchy.

“Yes, you hit it quite hard.” His voice was kind.

I squinted at him again and my memory clicked. Before I had a chance to consider them, the words came out of my mouth. “You’re Aidan Turner.”

A hint of a grin crossed his face and he held out a bottle of water to me. “Yes, I am. Do you need some water?”

“But…” Shock was added to my long list of symptoms. “You’re….Aidan Turner.”

He smiled again, this time more widely. “Well at least one of us is acquainted with the other. Here, let me help you take a drink. You’re dehydrated.”

Aidan placed his hand under my head and lifted it slightly when he held the bottle of water to my lips. I took a sip. The liquid ran into my mouth and I had an immediate sense of extreme thirst. I began to take larger gulps and Aidan held the bottle steady for me.

My energy began to return slightly, and I tried to sit up again.

“Hang on, let me help you.” He grabbed my arm and guided me to a sitting position and then helped me lean against the trunk of a palm tree.

I stared at him, unbelieving.

His hair was wild and unkempt, dark stubble framed his jawline, and his brown eyes looked cautiously into mine.

“What’s your name?” He asked.

I tore my eyes from his and looked around to take in my surroundings. We were on a beach dotted with tall palm trees, and the ocean waves crashed a few dozen meters away. Why was I on a beach with Aidan Turner? If this was a dream, it was wildly realistic.

“I’m Colette.” I said quietly, looking at him again.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Colette.” Aidan extended his hand to me. His voice was laced with a thick Irish accent that I finally recognized.

I tentatively took his hand. It was warm and rough. “Why are you…? What…happened? Where am I?”

“Well, I can answer the first two questions, but not the third.” Aidan sighed. “Do you remember the plane going down?”

It suddenly came back to me. I _knew_ I had seen him in first class. He was on the plane with me. The plane that must have crashed…

“Where is everyone?” I looked around the empty beach.

Aidan took a deep breath and sighed. His eyebrows furrowed together. “Were you traveling with anyone or were you alone?”

I eyed him hesitantly. “Alone.”

Aidan’s face became serious. “We were the only survivors.”

I brought my hand to my mouth. “Are you sure?”

He breathed deeply and stared out at the water. “Yes. I checked.” He looked back at me. “You were the only one with a pulse. I wasn’t even sure you’d ever wake up.”

My eyes must have shown terror because Aidan’s expression softened, and he scooted towards me. “It was really bad. You probably have a concussion. I honestly don’t know how we survived.”

My vision was finally free of any clouding, and I could see him perfectly clearly. It really was Aidan Turner. His face was so familiar yet so new as he sat next to me. Those eyes I’d stared deeply into for months were now staring directly into mine.

I felt a blush try to touch my cheeks. “How….” My shock in the whole situation prevented me from getting many words out.

“Pure luck, I think.” He replied.

I looked out at the water. “How did we get here?”

“The lifeboat.” He pointed towards a yellow inflatable boat a few meters away.

“I don’t remember the boat.”

“You were unconscious when I put you on it.”

My mind flashed back to my half unconscious memories. I remembered being lifted from my seat in the plane. Aidan had personally carried me to the lifeboat?

“Thank you.” I whispered, overcome by so many emotions.

“Thank _you_ for surviving, and not leaving me alone out here.” He gestured to our surroundings. “We were on the boat for a few hours before the current dragged us here.”

“How long ago was that?” I asked.

“You’ve been out for about twenty-four hours. It’s midday Tuesday.” He looked at the sun directly overhead. “And I have no idea where we are…somewhere in the Pacific…”

“Surely there must be someone living nearby.” I suggested.

Aidan shook his head. “This island is barely a mile across. I already checked. We’re alone.” He sat back on his hands. “But they’ll find us soon. I’m sure they’ll search all the islands in the area.”

On a deserted island with Aidan Turner? What was _happening_? It felt like something out of a cheesy fanfiction.

“I used palm branches to write an S.O.S. on the beach.” He pointed towards the sand. “In case they fly over.”

“Wow, you’ve done all this, and I’ve just been laying here out cold.” I frowned.

“You were hurt pretty badly. Like I said, I wasn’t sure you’d wake up.”

I looked at the cut on his face. “Are _you_ ok?”

He felt his face. “Yeah, somehow, this is the only injury I sustained.”

I looked down at his clothing. He wore a grey t-shirt and black shorts. They looked freshly washed. I looked down at my own clothing, the same I’d been wearing on the flight, and there were stains of blood on my shirt and the right leg of my pants.

Aidan noticed my gaze. “I grabbed a few suitcases and threw them in the boat. My own, and a few from your area. I hope maybe I found yours.” He pointed towards a stack of 3 suitcases next to the boat. “I know you’d probably like to wash up and change. Sorry, your clothes are all stained, but I didn’t want to…well, you know.”

I blushed again. “That’s mine.” I pointed towards a deep burgundy suitcase in the pile.

He pulled it towards me, and I unzipped it, revealing all of my clothes and toiletries. I paused and looked up at Aidan. “So both engines just….?”

“Both engines.” He echoed sadly.

I shook my head, thinking about all of the lives lost on that plane. “There must have been more than 200 people on that plane.”

Aidan frowned and looked down. “Most of the plane was on fire. But I checked about 75 for pulses.”

I saw the pain in his expression. I couldn’t imagine moving from person to person, only to find out they were dead. It was horrific, really.

We were both silent for a moment before I spoke again. “I can’t believe you checked on everyone. Were you traveling with anyone?”

“Everyone I could get to. And no, I was alone. Was meant to speak with press this morning in Auckland.” He sighed.

“Well, at least Jane is safe back in LA?” The words flew out of my mouth before I had a chance to filter them. His life, or the life that the media shared about him was common knowledge to me, and I forgot for a moment that it was probably strange for me to ask him something so personal.

He looked up at me and studied my face for a few seconds. “Jane’s fine. Yeah, she’s probably…ugh, I don’t even want to think about how she’s feeling right now.” He frowned.

I was silent, afraid I’d say something embarrassing again.

“They’ll find us soon.” He said it with a confidence that I could see right through. He was worried.

“So, can we chat about the fact that you know me…and you know about my girlfriend? You’ve done your research.” He grinned slightly.

My cheeks grew warm. I didn’t know what to say.

Aidan chuckled softly. “It’s ok. You’re a fan. I understand.”

“Poldark and Being Human, mainly.” I replied, trying not to reveal to him that I’d, in fact, seen all of his works.

“It’s always good to meet fans, but this is a unique situation for sure.” He looked at my suitcase. “Sorry, I’ll let you change.” He stood up. “I was on the hunt for coconuts earlier. I’ll go work on that.”

I watched as he walked away and a surge of butterflies grew in my stomach. This _had_ to be a dream.

Reaching into my suitcase, I found a purple sleeveless top and a pair of jean shorts. When I could no longer see Aidan in the distant trees, I slowly pulled off my bloodied clothes and replaced them with clean ones. My left knee ached painfully as I bended it to change, but other than that and my head, my body felt fairly unharmed.

I pulled out my bag of toiletries and opened a small mirror. I looked an absolute mess. There was a long but shallow cut across my forehead and the area around it was swollen and becoming black and blue. There was smeared mascara beneath my eyes, and my hair was a rat’s nest.

I fumbled through the bag and took out a small tube of antibacterial ointment. Placing a small dab on my finger, I rubbed it gently on my cut. Then I used a makeup remover wipe under my eyes, and I ran a brush through my hair. I looked at myself again in the mirror. With the bruise on my forehead, I still looked disheveled, but it was better.

I snapped the mirror shut just as Aidan reappeared from the trees. Seeing him again sent a new round of butterflies to my stomach. The longer I was awake, the more coherent I was, and the more I comprehended that this was really truly Aidan Turner in front of me. The odds of this situation were astronomical.

“How is your head feeling?” Aidan asked as he sat down in front of me.

I looked at the deep gash on the side of his face. It was much more serious than mine. I wasn’t sure how he hadn’t lost a significant amount of blood. “I’m ok. But your face. You look like you almost need stitches. You should probably get that bandaged up.”

“Oh, it’s not that bad.” He waved it off.

“I think it really is. Here, I’ve got some ointment.” I pulled out the tube I’d used on my own face.

He pondered for a moment and then took it from me. “Thanks.”

I watched him put a small dab on his finger and then stare at it for a moment. “How much do I…?”

I half-grinned at his naivety. “Do you want me to?”

He looked up gratefully and handed the tube back to me. “Yes, could you?”

I scooted closer to him and studied his cut. It was about five inches long and ran down the left side of his face, right past his eye. He watched my face as I looked, and I felt self-conscious with his gaze on me. I tried not to look into his eyes, but I felt my gaze wander towards them a couple of times. Their deep caramel color was lightened by the bright sunlight. I felt my heart rate increase. I gulped. “Did you wash this out yet?”

“Yes, a few hours ago.” He replied.

I tentatively reached my hand towards his face and smoothed a stray curl away so that I could get a better look. My heartbeat increased as I realized I was touching the curls I’d fawned over for so long.

The gash was deep. Without stitches, it would definitely scar, but we didn’t have a choice out here.

“So, you’re fully embracing the Ross Poldark character then?” I asked, with a touch of humor in my tone.

He didn’t catch on to my joke immediately, but then I saw him chuckle. “I suppose so.” His eyes crinkled in amusement and I just about melted inside.

I dabbed some ointment along the line of the cut and then I took one of the shirts from my suitcase and tore it into strips, fastening them over the cut and around his head to keep it clean.

I sat back and looked at him. “Alright. It’ll scar if you don’t get stitches soon, but that’s as good as we can do for now.”

Aidan smiled at me. “Help will come soon. Thank you, Colette.”

I grinned and bit my lip, before turning back to my suitcase to avoid the prolonged eye contact that I knew would make me blush.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every time I re-read this chapter, I laugh when Colette first wakes up and all she can say is "But...you're Aidan Turner." Because, come on, what else could you possibly say in a situation like that?
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	3. Kindling

I looked at the empty beach and the vast waters around us. “How long do you think before they find us?”

Aidan stroked the stubble on his jawline, a habit I’d seen him do in many interviews. “It’s been a day already. I can’t imagine it should be much longer.”

I watched him skeptically, wondering how he was so confident. “What if no one shows up before we need food?”

He pursed his lips. “Well that’s why I was searching for coconuts. I found a few, but they were quite high. I didn’t give it a try getting them down yet.”

I looked across the waters again. “What about a nearby island? Could we take the boat out?”

Aidan shook his head. “I’ve been around the perimeter of this island and I can’t see anything in any direction. It would be safer for us to stay put.”

I frowned. “So, we’re just stuck here until someone finds us?” My mouth became dry. “What about fresh water?”

He took a deep breath and reached into his own suitcase. He took out 4 mini water bottles. “I grabbed these from the plane, but it’s all we have until it rains, and we can catch some more.”

I thought about the long gulps I took when I’d first woken up. My eyes widened. “Why did you let me drink so much just then?”

His face softened. “You were dehydrated. You needed it.”

I was initially touched by his kindness, but then began to do the math to figure out how much water we’d need per day, each, to survive without rain. We had barely enough for a few days. What if they didn’t find us for weeks? Would we already be dead? Would it be too late? I began to feel faint as I pondered the what-if’s. I wondered what it would feel like to die from dehydration, from malnutrition. Is this how it would end?

Aidan stared back at me and I knew he was watching my mind race. The realities of the situation finally sunk in and I began to feel a lump in my throat. I tightened my lips together, trying to hold in a sob. But my eyes began to well and I looked down, trying to hide my emotions. As much as I tried to hold them in, a stray tear dropped from my eye down onto my shirt, leaving a dark, wet mark where it landed.

“Hey, hey…” Aidan said softly. He slid towards me and placed a hand on my back. “It’s all going to be ok.”

I sniffled and tried to wipe my eyes, but the tears began to fall more steadily, and I could feel myself starting to shake.

Aidan’s hand gently rubbed my back. His touch was warm and reassuring. There was some comfort there, but my nerves couldn’t be completely consoled.

“Colette…” He moved his hand to my shoulder. “Hey, look at me.” His voice was not much more than a whisper.

I blinked, trying to clear my eyes, and slowly lifted my gaze to him. I could see his eyes were wet as well. He removed his hand from my shoulder and wiped a tear from my cheek. My heart lurched at his touch.

“We’re going to get through this.” His eyes held mine. “I’m not going to let anything happen to us. We’re going to get off this island, and we’re both going to be fine.”

I sniffled and then tried to breathe more slowly.

He smiled softly. “We’ve made it this far. We’re strong. Right?”

I wiped the remaining tears from my face and then nodded slowly.

“That’s right.” He grinned again and placed his hand back on my shoulder. “We need to get a fire going. Do you happen to have a mirror?”

I nodded again, still trying to blink the tears away.

I reached into my bag and pulled out the small compact mirror I’d brought with me and handed it to him.

“I tried to start a fire earlier, but didn’t have much success.” He pointed towards a pile of wood and kindling a few meters away, onto the beach. I think the mirror might be the trick. Do you think you can stand?” He asked, rising to his feet and extending a hand to me.

I placed mine in his and he slowly pulled me to a standing position. My other hand grasped the palm tree for additional support. I felt a jolt of pain in my knee immediately when I put weight on it, and I winced slightly.

“Are you alright?” Aidan watched me, concerned.

I tried to smile. “Yeah, I think my knee is injured. It hurts when I bend it and put weight on it.”

He looked down at my leg. “It doesn’t appear to be swollen. Can you walk?”

I continued to hold his hand as I took a few small, tentative steps. It was painful, but I could walk. He watched me expectantly and I nodded.

Aidan held my hand as we walked out from under the canopy of the trees and he helped me sit down again in the sand. He knelt down next to me and began to rearrange the wood. He formed a tee-pee and then stuffed dried grasses into the middle.

I watched his hands work confidently. “Do you know how to do this?”

“Well, I know the sun is beating down on us, and if I can direct it at the kindling with the mirror, we should be able to generate enough heat. I’m not a pro, but I think this should work.” He held my mirror, finding a strong cast of light and directing it at the center of the pile.

I watched him nervously as he held it steady. I was impressed by his calm demeanor in this situation.

We both stared at the bright spot on the dried grasses for what felt like many minutes, before the tiniest bit of smoke trailed up from the spot. I felt a brief sense of relief as Aidan pulled the mirror away and blew gently into the tee-pee, but no flames resulted. I heard him curse under his breath.

“It’s alright.’ I assured. “You almost got it.”

He sat back and stared at the smoking piled of wood and took a deep, frustrated breath.

“Maybe hold the light there longer this time?” I suggested.

He readjusted his grip on the mirror and leaned in again, focusing the light on the kindling once more. I held my breath this time, praying for success.

The grass began to smoke again, but this time, Aidan held the mirror still. I noticed his hand shaking slightly and knew he was as nervous as I was. I watched his face for a moment. The tip of his tongue stuck out near the corner of his mouth as he concentrated. A few more moments and then a tiny orange flame flickered to life. We both let out a breath in unison.

Aidan carefully bent down to blow oxygen into the pile and the flames began to multiply slowly until a steady fire stood before us.

He looked at me and grinned, wiping his brow with the back of his hand.

“Nice work.” I smiled back at him.

He relaxed into a sitting position. “Alright, fire. We have fire.”

“We should get a stockpile of wood, to keep it going.” I suggested.

“Yes, you’re right. We also need to get working on a shelter before nightfall.” He stood up and looked around. “Ah, what I would do for a machete or an ax right now.”

“Have you checked the other suitcases? Maybe they were traveling with one?” I surprised myself with the humor I was still able to muster up. I smirked at him, waiting for him to catch my joke.

He looked back at me with a twinkle in his eye. “Well why don’t I bring one of the bags over to you and you’ll have a look?”

I grinned, basking in the knowledge that I’d successfully amused Aidan Turner.

He turned on his heel and began walking towards the bags. I stared back into the fire and then backed slightly away from it, not requiring its warmth in the heat of the afternoon. The wood crackled and snapped as the flames began to engulf it. The sound was comforting, as I had camped often as a child. But another sound started to mingle with the crackling flames. It was a low hum that gradually increased in volume. I suddenly realized it was coming from the sky and my head shot up.

I squinted across the horizon and spotted a tiny silver plane gradually becoming larger. A surge of adrenaline coursed through my veins and my head snapped back to Aidan.

“Aidan, a plane!” I yelled, but he’d heard it too. He was staring at the same spot in the sky with an expression of shock.

He suddenly snapped into action and ran out onto the beach. “Hurry, get the flames as big as you can get them!” He dashed towards the S.O.S. lettering he’d made on the beach and began adjusting their legibility.

I turned to the flames and tried to figure out how to make them larger. I spotted some fallen palm fronds a few meters away and painfully stood to limp towards them and carry them back to the fire. I threw them down and they began to catch, briefly increasing the size of the flames.

I looked back at the sky. The plane was still getting closer. I could make out the wings now.

I looked at Aidan. “Will they see us?” I breathed. My adrenaline rush coursed through my veins.

He watched the plane. “They’ve got to. They will, they will.” He was trying to convince himself.

It was close now. It looked like it might fly directly overhead.

Aidan began to wave his arms. “HEY!” He yelled into the air, fully aware that no one could actually hear him.

I began to wave my arms as well. The fire was larger, but it was by no means a bonfire. I wondered if it was even visible. There was no time to build it quick enough.

“They’re coming…” Aidan spoke breathlessly. “They’re coming this way…”

I stared at the plane, hoping and praying they it was our rescue. We watched it increase in proximity, until without warning, it began to bank left, altering its path and no longer about to pass straight over us.

Aidan stepped closer to the water and began to wave his arms and yell again. I let out an exhausted breath and sank into the sand.

The plane became smaller again as it flew away from our small island. Aidan stood at the edge of the water, arms dropped by his sides, staring at the disappearing plane.

He slowly turned around and walked back towards me. He stopped and stared blankly into the flames. “We weren’t prepared enough…”

I frowned. “Maybe they saw? Maybe they turned to go get help?”

Aidan closed his eyes. “I should have started that fire hours ago. It wasn’t big enough.”

“They might have seen us.” I repeated, trying to believe it myself.

He shook his head. “I’m sorry…”

Before I had a chance to respond, he stepped away from the fire and walked towards the forest.

I sighed and watched the horizon. The plane was gone now. Could that have been our chance? I wondered if there was any more we could have done. Our only choice now was to keep working on our survival, however long we would be here.

I took a deep breath and stood up, stretching my aching knee. It was painful, but I could walk on my own. I grabbed a few more fallen branches and placed them on the fire before walking back to the suitcases.

I sat down and examined the contents of my suitcase. Lots of clothes. Why had I packed so many clothes? I also had all of my toiletries. There was some sunscreen that I knew would come in handy, and a small pair of tweezers and scissors. I set those aside, sure they’d be usefully at some point. I had my laptop, which was now basically a brick without any access to wifi, and some charging cords, which I realized could be used as ties. I set those aside as well.

I looked at the other bags. One was a black rolling suitcase, similar to mine, and the other was a leather duffle bag. I somehow knew that had to be Aidan’s, so I took the suitcase instead and unzipped it, hoping to find it full of non-perishables and tools.

My eyes were met by more clothes and I sighed. I unfolded them gently. There were men’s and women’s clothes. I frowned, sad for the poor souls who had once owned these clothes. They were now gone. They appeared to belong to an older couple and I immediately thought of the couple who sat next to me on the plane. I paused as their fate sank in.

I placed their clothes neatly to the side. At the bottom of their suitcase was a bag. I untied it and reached in, pulling out the contents. There were many bottles of pills. I checked the labels. Most were vitamins, and I smiled, realizing that these would actually come in handy with our probable lack of nutrition.

I reached further into the bag and my fingers found a long, smooth object. I furrowed my brow and pulled it out. My breathing stopped as I stared into the palm of my hand, not believing my eyes. I made out the familiar white cross centered in the shape of a shield on a red background.

A Swiss Army knife.

I was still. How was this even allowed on the plane? I slowly opened its tools. Three different knives, scissors, a corkscrew, can opener, small saw, hook. I couldn’t believe it. I thought back to the couple who sat beside me. The man who packed this must not have known the restrictions on carry-ons these days, and it must have somehow passed unnoticed through security. The luck was incredible.

I turned towards the trees and squinted, searching for Aidan. He was struggling towards me, dragging long palm branches behind him.

My expression must have been that of shock, because he dropped them and walked quickly towards me. “What’s wrong?”

I silently held up the knife.

His eyes grew wide as he saw it. “How in the world?...”

I handed it to him. “It was in this other suitcase. I don’t know how it got past security.”

He studied the tools. “This is incredible…what incredible luck…”

I thought about the couple who had died. Little did they know, they’d packed a survival tool that might just save our lives. I thought of the security personnel who missed the knife during the screening process. Little did they know, they’d allowed a tool onto that plane that might just save our lives. A tear began to well in my eye.

“This’ll be perfect for cutting bamboo.” Aidan flipped to the largest knife and then laid the palm fronds in front of me. “Can you work on splitting these down the middle? That way, we can lay them as a shingling system for the roof of our shelter.”

He showed me how to tear them down the stem. I watched him in awe. “How do you know this?”

He grinned slightly. “Alright, so have you seen those Primitive Technology videos on YouTube?”

“I think so…” I replied, remembering bits and pieces I’d seen on social media.

“I got into a long kick watching those last year. Actually retained a bit of the skills.” He smiled and turned back towards the forest. “Who would have thought?”

I took a long, cleansing breath and began to split the palm fronds. Ever since the plane had flown by, luck had been in our favor. Maybe we could do this after all?


	4. Nerves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay on this chapter, but I've just returned from celebrating the holidays in sunny southern Florida, relaxing on sandy beaches under many coconut palms. It was the perfect inspiration for this story and I can't wait to continue!

Aidan built a lean-to shelter against a large tree. Its structure was made out of bamboo and covered in many palm fronds that I had split in half. I wished I could have helped more, but my knee was not going to allow me to carry much weight. As he stood back and surveyed his work, I watched his chest heave up and down. His forehead sparkled with sweat and his shirt was damp.

The sun was sinking lower into the sky, casting longer shadows across the beach. I watched Aidan look up at the sparse clouds for about the millionth time. I knew he was searching for a return of the plane.

“You need some water.” I encouraged, holding out on of the bottles to him.

He glanced at it briefly and then waved it off. “No, I’m fine.”

I set the bottle down slowly. I knew he was trying to conserve water, and I obliged for now, but he had to drink at some point. I looked back at the lean-to. “The shelter looks good. I think it will suit us well.”

He sighed and walked past me, towards the fire. “For now.”

I watched him place some more wood on the flames before turning back towards the trees. “I need to try to get some coconuts before nightfall.” I could tell he was trying to push through his exhaustion to stay motivated.

“I can help.” I stood up from the ground, trying not to wince at the pain in my knee.

“You’re in no state to be climbing trees.” He gestured towards my leg.

“I am in a state to make sure you don’t kill yourself trying.” I replied, frustrated by my physical incapabilities, but determined to help. I knew I likely couldn’t even climb a tree in perfect health.

He breathed deeply and gestured for me to follow him. “Alright, I saw a decent one this way.”

We walked a ways towards a mid-sized palm that leaned slightly towards the open beach. Aidan stopped at its base and sized it up. There was a large bunch of coconuts at the top near the base of its branches. He removed his shoes and wiped the sand from his hands before gripping onto the tree and carefully beginning to climb. The tree’s slight angle made the climbing easier, I assumed, but I was still impressed by his strength. I watched his muscles flex as he ascended the tree slowly. His bare feet gripped the trunk tightly and his fingers spread widely around the smooth bark. I felt my own hands began to sweat nervously.

When he made it to the top, he looked down at me. “Stand clear.”

I backed away from the tree and he reached towards one of the coconuts and pulled it free before dropping it to the ground with a loud thud. I watched his legs begin to shake slightly as he pulled four more off and dropped them to the ground as well.

“Be careful.” I shouted up at him. “Save your strength to make it back down.”

He pulled two more coconuts and then began to descend the tree. His arms were shaking now and I knew he was getting tired. He slowly let his feet slide down the trunk and at one point, they lost traction and he had to grip his arms tighter. My stomach leapt, but he regained his composure and was able to make it safely to the ground.

I stepped forward to help him pick up the scattered coconuts. “That was really impressive. Nice job.” I smiled.

He wiped his brow. “I’m extra grateful for my personal trainer right now.”

“So how do we get into these?” I asked, turning a coconut around in my hands.

He loaded his arms with all he could carry. “Let’s bring them back to the shelter. We need a sharp rock, or something of the like.”

When he arrived back near the fire, Aidan found a large rock and turned it on the ground, finding its sharpest edge. He took a coconut and crashed it into the rock, splitting it open, revealing the inner shell. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the Swiss Army knife. Carefully, he cut a hole in the top of the shell and then handed it to me.

“Try it?” He encouraged me.

I took it from him and looked at it briefly before placing my mouth on the opening and tilting my head back. I felt a liquid touch my lips and then run onto my tongue. It was almost like water, but with a slightly sweet accent. It was delicious. After a sip, I tried to hand it back to him.

“No, you can have that one. I’ll work on another.” He performed the same process with a second coconut and took a sip. “Not bad.” He raised his eyebrows in acceptance.

We drank until no more water was left in our coconuts and then Aidan cracked them both open on the sharp rock and we ate the pure white flesh. As I swallowed, I realized I was quite hungry, and I wondered how much hunger I’d have to endure in the coming days if we weren’t rescued soon.

Twilight had fallen and the flickering fire began to illuminate Aidan’s face. He’d finished with his coconut and he stared into the flames. I saw deep thoughts behind his eyes and I wondered where his mind was. I was struck by the familiarity of his expression. It was reminiscent of the brooding Ross Poldark I’d spent many hours watching. Aidan may not be Ross, but Ross was very much Aidan in the way he was portrayed, and so somehow, I felt like I already knew how to read him.

As I watched him silently, I was suddenly reminded of the enormity of the situation. This time it was not the fact that I was stranded on a deserted island with limited food and water. It was as if I saw Aidan in front of me for the first time again. By some strike of fate, he’d been on my plane, and the two of us – just the two of us – had been the sole survivors. I’d imagined meeting him, seeing him face to face, so many times in my own head, and now here I was. But the extraneous factors of survival had barely allowed the reality of the situation to sink in.

I must have been staring with an unexpected intensity, because he looked up and his eyes met mine with question.

“What is it?” He looked concerned.

I blinked and shook my head, trying to compose myself. “Oh, it’s nothing.” I peered back up at him through my eyelashes. “This is all just a lot to take in.”

He smirked. “When someone ponders something that is ‘a lot to take in’ with that expression, they’re usually focused on the subject in question. You were looking directly at me.”

I bit my lip and tried to hide the redness in my cheeks.

“I’m really not that interesting.” He grinned again. “The last thing I would want is for our survival to be jeopardized because you were too nervous to really speak to me.”

I took a calming breath. “You’re right, but you have to know how I feel. It’s gonna take me a minute. You make the nerves inevitable.”

He crinkled his nose and smiled. “Well, it’s my job to calm those nerves then.”

My cheeks still felt warm.

“Since you seem to already know a bit about me, I’ve a few questions for you.” He shifted his body slightly to face mine.

“Sure.” I nodded nervously.

“You’re American?”

“Yes, I live just outside L.A.”

“Why were you headed to New Zealand?” He tilted his head, curious.

“I was meeting my friend for a vacation. She’s traveled there as a botanist and I was going to tag along and explore the area.”

“It’s a beautiful country.” Aidan responded. “I spent quite a time there for the Hobbit films.”

I nodded and smiled. I knew that all too well.

“L.A.’s fantastic too. A bit congested, but then again, its’ difficult to suffer from boredom there.” He chuckled.

“I’d love to get out of L.A.” I replied. “Too much pressure and expectation. I prefer a less populated, less hectic atmosphere. More remote I guess.”

Aidan gestured at the beach around us. “Is this remote enough for you?” He grinned.

I chuckled. “Maybe a step too far.” I studied his face for a moment. “I can't imagine doing what you do. How do you handle all the attention, all the expectations? Doesn’t it get exhausting?”

“Incredibly.” He sighed. “But I bear it so that I can do what I love. Acting is my passion.”

“Well, you’re quite skilled at your passion.” I smiled.

He grinned and looked down, like he was shy to accept compliments. “Thank you.”

I leaned back on my hands, trying to appear more relaxed. “You know, this has got to be all over the news back in civilization.”

He frowned. “I wonder what they’re speculating at this point.”

“I can picture it now.” I ran my fingers in a line in front me as if tracing a headline. “New Zealand bound flight disappears – 200 onboard including Poldark star, Aidan Turner.”

He sighed deeply. “I wish they wouldn’t single me out. The almost 200 others who perished deserve loads more respect.”

I frowned and nodded. “Why did _we_ survive? What was special about us?”

Aidan stared into the flames again. “The universe is mysterious. But we weren’t supposed to go apparently. Not yet at least.”

I looked out at the crashing waves. The wind had picked up and I felt a chill. Would I die here on this island? Would I have to watch Aidan die here on this island? What kind of cruelties would we have to endure?

I felt a chill and wrapped my arms around myself in an effort to keep warm.

Aidan noticed my shivering and stood up quickly. “You’re cold. Hang on.” He stepped away into the dark for a moment and then returned with his black jacket – the same one I’d seen him in on the plane. “Here, take this.” He held it out to me.

I took it from him gratefully. “Thank you.” It was much too large for me, but I slid my arms through the sleeves and pulled it tightly around me. The collar brushed my face and I breathed in its scent. It was clean and crisp, with a hint of spice and a deep earthy undertone. It was marvelous. I’d frequently pondered what he might smell like, what cologne he might wear. Now, here I was, wrapped in his jacket, wrapped in his scent.

Aidan sat back down next to me. “What do _you_ do?”

“I’m a project manager for a small design firm.”

“Is that the peaceful work you are looking for, or would you change your career if you ever moved?” He asked.

“It has its moments.” I chuckled. “It can definitely be stressful, but I think you’re going to get that with any career choice.”

He looked out at the water. “It certainly is peaceful here, if nothing else.”

Night had fallen completely now and the moon reflected in shiny ripples on the water’s surface. I rubbed my eyes, feeling exhaustion creep in.

“How is your head feeling?” Aidan asked.

“Better…I think.” I replied, stretching my neck and yawning.

“You should try to sleep if you can.” He suggested quietly.

I looked up at him. “What about you? Aren’t you tired?”

“I’m going to keep the fire going a bit longer, just so that it’s strong enough to hold its heat when I do sleep.”

I looked at him sympathetically.

He smiled softly. “It’s ok. You can go. I’ll be alright.”

As much as I hated to leave him awake all alone, I was becoming increasingly tired and I knew I need to sleep.

“Ok, well, goodnight.” I smiled at him and stood up.

“Goodnight, Colette.”

The way my name rolled off his tongue brought a warm, tingly feeling to my chest. I breathed deeply as I hobbled to the shelter. I had no idea if I’d be able to sleep here, in a strange place, exposed to the elements, but I placed a few of the larger shirts on the ground that I’d found in one of the suitcases and laid down on them. The area under the roof of the shelter was not much larger than a queen-sized bed – just enough room for the two of us. I shifted as far as I could to one side, allowing room for Aidan when he eventually decided to sleep.

The ground was hard and cool. I pulled Aidan’s jacket tighter around my shoulders and stared out across the beach at him. He still sat at the fire with his back towards me. I thought about my parents and how worried they must be. Did they think I was dead? Probably.

The light of the fire silhouetted Aidan’s figure. The edges of his wild, curly hair glowed in comparison. I wondered how his girlfriend, Jane was dealing with this. I didn’t have a significant other to miss me and worry about me in that way. I imagined being on her side of the situation, helpless to know if her Aidan was alive. I frowned and felt a touch of guilt, wishing there was some way I could tell her he was ok, wishing I could put her at ease.

If we didn’t make it, would I be the last to ever see him alive? Would she be jealous that I’d spent the last moments with him? I knew he was struggling. He was driven and confident, but I saw the worry behind his eyes. I was sure Jane cared deeply about him. I needed to care for him, for her, while she couldn’t.

I closed my eyes. As helpless as I felt in my situation, stranded, unable to let anyone know I was alive, I did have control over two things. First, I had to keep myself alive until our hopeful rescue. That was simply a matter of being smart and motivated. Second, I had to keep Aidan encouraged. I knew that if that plane truly hadn’t seen us, it was unlikely it would return. I knew that fact would be difficult to swallow for him. He felt responsible for being unable to start the fire earlier. I had to keep his spirits up. To do that, I had to remain positive myself. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but if he could be strong physically, I could take on the role of being strong mentally.

I felt the sand around me crunch quietly and opened my eyes slightly to see Aidan crawl into the shelter and lay down next to me. His proximity – mere inches away – made my heart beat a bit faster. He laid on his back and I watched him stare blankly at the palm fronds above us for a moment before closing his eyes.

I closed my own and tried not to linger on the butterfly-inducing reality that I was laying down to sleep next to Aidan Turner. Sleeping was all we were doing after all.

Instead, I focused on the fortunate fact that I wasn’t alone here on this island. I had a partner in survival. I didn’t have to do this on my own.

Sleep slowly began to overtake me and I finally drifted from consciousness.


	5. Connection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I'm having so much fun with this story, and I have some really big plans for Aidan and Colette! Please leave a comment and let me know what you think and if you have any suggestions! Thanks for all the kudos!

I tried my best to sleep, but the new and strange sounds of the island kept me from fully relaxing. Every time my eyes flew open, I held my breath, wondering if there was a predator nearby. I assumed there were snakes and lizards on this small island, and I didn’t know what kind of danger they might be to us.

I noticed Aidan tossing and turning too. I wondered if he’d gotten any sleep the night before, when I’d been unconscious. Lack of sleep was no help to our survival.

At one point, I woke up from what was likely only a few minutes of continuous sleep, to the sensation of itching on my leg. I touched my skin and noticed a small raised bump.

Mosquitos.

I moved my hand to the left. Another bump.

There was a small sting on my cheek, and I clapped my hand down onto a large mosquito trying to make me its dinner.

I sensed Aidan sit up next to me and slap his arm in frustration as well.

“Ugh, bloody bugs.” He hissed, and then crawled from the shelter and went to sit by the fire.

I rubbed my eyes and reached for my suitcase, pulling out a pair of sweatpants I’d packed and a pink t-shirt. As I pulled the pants up my legs, they graced the bug bites and I used all of my willpower to not scratch them, as I knew it would incite a raging itching. I wrapped the shirt around my head, covering my face and let out a frustrated grunt as I laid back down on the ground. I had every inch of my skin covered to the best of my ability, and so I closed my eyes and desperately tried to find sleep again.

***

I breathed deep, hot, thick air as I opened my eyes. I saw bright, fluorescent pink, and I momentarily questioned where I was. In the hospital? Why was this hospital so hot, and so pink?

I reached my hand to my head and felt the soft fabric laying over my face. The touch brought me back to reality and I remembered the shirt I’d covered my face with during the night. I pulled it off my head and rolled over, squinting into the morning sun. It was bright and hot on my face as I yawned and stretched my joints.

Aidan still wasn’t next to me, so I peered out at the beach. The soft waves sparkled as they washed ashore, but a few meters into the water, I saw Aidan’s figure, standing, waist deep, facing the horizon. His dark curls tousled softly in the breeze and I immediately recognized that he was shirtless. I watched as he cupped the water in his hands, splashing it against his bare skin.

I crept closer to the edge of our shelter, trying to catch a better look. It was peaceful, watching him silently in the water. I couldn’t help but stare. He took a deep breath and then sunk below the surface. I watched intently until he reappeared and resumed a standing position. The water ran down his chiseled back and dripped from the now elongated strands of curls on his head.

I breathed deeply, entranced by the simplicity of his striking appearance. I wanted to drink him all in through my eyes.

Just as I stared dreamily, he suddenly spun around to face the beach and I quickly retreated deeper into the shadows of the shelter, hoping he hadn’t noticed my gaze. I unzipped my suitcase, pretending to be occupied.

“Did you manage to get any sleep?” I heard him ask from behind me.

I turned to see him straightening a t-shirt he’d just pulled over his head. His shorts were still dripping, and his hair was slicked back from his bandaged face.

“Not really.” I sighed. “The bugs…”

“Yeah. They’re murder.” He replied quickly and bent down to pick up a prepared coconut. “Here.”

I received it from him gratefully and took a swig. “Thank you.”

He watched me drink and then held out his hand for me to give it back, after which he cracked it open on a rock and handed it back to me.

I picked at the white coconut flesh, trying to savor every last bit. My stomach gurgled. How long would I last on coconut flesh?

I looked up at Aidan. He was staring down at me with an expression of concern. His brow furrowed. “We need real food.”

I turned my head to the ocean. “Fish?”

He scratched his head. “I suppose spear fishing is our best bet. I’ll see if I can fashion something.” He placed his hands on his hips and looked over the trees to the west. There were darker clouds in that direction. “It looks like there is a storm brewing.”

“I’ll see if I can create something to collect water.” I suggested.

He relaxed his stance and pointed at me as he took a step away. “Good. That’ll be good. Water is good.”

He left without another word into the trees and I stared at him as he walked away. His mind was in another place. A place of anxiety and unease. He was pushing through his exhaustion, and his thoughts were on one thing: survival.

That’s where my mind needed to be too. I pulled out my compact mirror and studied my forehead. My cut looked a bit better and the swelling was down slightly. After pulling my hair up into a ponytail, I stretched my legs and stood up. My knee hurt considerably less, so I walked over to the fire and stoked it slightly. I wondered how we could catch water most successfully.

Our bottles were empty now, so I took them each and lodged them partway in the sand, under the open sky. I frowned. Their small openings were unlikely to catch water very quickly. I looked at the foliage at the edge of the tree line and saw a plant with large, smooth leaves, so I took one and funneled it into the opening of one of the bottles, creating more surface area for the water to trickle in. I did the same with the other bottles, and then I took all of the half coconuts we’d eaten from and settled them into the sand as well.

I sat back and studied my work. If all of the containers and coconuts filled up one time, this would get us through maybe a day and a half. I furrowed my brow. It wasn’t going to rain every day. We needed to collect more.

I looked at the lifeboat. It was plastic, and I was sure it would catch water well. It was under a canopy of trees, so I pulled it out into the open sky. It was heavy and took a few grunts to tug it into a position I wanted it, but I managed.

The sun beat down on my neck and I knew I was getting burnt, so I applied some of my sunscreen. It was a tiny, travel-sized bottle, and I knew it wouldn’t last. I noted that I’d have to figure that problem out later.

I looked into the trees. There was no sign of Aidan, so I threw a log onto the fire once more and then tentatively stepped into the vegetation. I wanted to stay helpful. Now that I’d somewhat solved the water issue, I could help him work on a spear.

I walked for a few minutes without seeing him. I wondered how deep he’d gone. The plants that covered the ground were thick and I stepped slowly around them, watching my foot placement carefully.

I looked behind me, not wanting to get too far from our campsite, but Aidan had said the island was barely a mile wide. I couldn’t have much further to go before reaching the other side.

The trees became sparser and I began to see the horizon again in front of me. I stepped out from behind the last tree and saw that this side of the island had a much larger area of low vegetation that met sizable rocks at the water’s edge. I immediately spotted Aidan sitting on one of the larger rocks, staring out at the ocean.

I slowly approached, trying not to startle him. The waves crashed into the rocks, drowning out the sound of my footsteps. He was silent and still as he watched the water, obviously deep in thought. I wondered if he would dislike my intrusion into his solitude. But I chose to take the chance. I climbed up onto the hard, solid surface of the rocks and made my way towards him.

“Do you want some company?” I asked quietly when I was a few feet behind him.

He swung around to look at me. His face was solemn and tired. “Couldn’t hurt.” His response was devoid of any animation or inflection. He turned his head back away and stared at the water again.

I gently climbed up onto his rock and sat down a few feet from him. I didn’t say anything. Instead, I stared out at the horizon as well. The soft breeze was welcome in the heat of midday.

Aidan was struggling, and I wished I could raise his spirits in some way. But how do you raise spirits when yours aren’t high to begin with?

I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Aidan was holding a long stick in his lap. The end was shaved into a sharp point.

I cleared my throat. “That looks like it should work.”

“It doesn’t.” He replied without emotion.

I blinked in confusion. “Did you try it?”

He looked up at the sky in frustration. “Ok, the spear would probably work if someone skilled used it. But I’ve had no luck.”

I frowned. “You just need more practice.”

He hung his head. “We don’t have time for the practice I’m going to need. It’s been 48 hours since the plane went down. We can’t survive on coconuts.”

“So, I’ll try too. We’ll get the hang of it.” I tried to make my voice sound encouraging.

He didn’t respond immediately, but stared out at the horizon again. “They should be here by now…if that plane saw us…they’d be back by now.”

I took a few breaths, trying to formulate my words. “Even if that plane didn’t see us, someone else will come. They won’t stop looking for us that quickly.”

“If they found the plane wreckage, they have no reason to keep searching. They’ll have assumed we perished as well.”

I frowned. He was not in a position to see any positives in our situation. He’d been sleep deprived for two nights now. I knew he wasn’t able to think clearly.

I decided to change the subject. “What’s the first thing you’ll do when you get back?”

“Sleep.” He replied without hesitation.

I was sure he’d have said something related to Jane. He must be thinking of her a lot. I was surprised she wasn’t the first thing on his mind.

As if he’d read my thoughts, he spoke up. “And Jane, I need to see Jane. She’s probably a mess right now.”

“I’m sure she misses you terribly.” I said, quietly.

He scratched his beard, which was quickly becoming more than just stubble, and then looked at me out of the corner of his eye, as if questioning how to respond.

He let out a long breath. “We didn’t part on the best of terms.”

My eyes widened but I tried to compose myself so as to not seem too interested.

“We’re still together, of course, but we’ve been struggling more.” He pondered his thoughts. “Well, more on my end. I miss her very much, but I’ve been questioning things.”

I sat forward. “Oh? Do you think you’ll be able to fix things when you return?”

He ran his hand through his hair. “I want to, I really do. She’s great. But we want different things. I’m 33. I’m done with the games, the casual dating. Acting is still high priority, but settling down with someone has begun to take the lead on the charts. Jane is still very much young at heart. She’d rather be at a party until the wee hours of the morning than really working on developing a strong relationship.”

I felt extremely privileged to listen to Aidan divulge some of his innermost thoughts. “How old is Jane?”

“She’s 31.”

I scrunched my nose. I was younger than she was, but I’d never enjoyed the party scene. I felt like I’d completely skipped over that stage in my life.

Aidan spoke again. “I don’t mean to speak ill of her. She’s really wonderful. She’s beautiful, funny, smart. We get on great, but we have a lot to work through.”

I frowned, sad for his dilemma. “Maybe this whole situation will be a wakeup call for her. I’m sure she couldn’t bear to lose you.”

He half smirked. “Thanks for your confidence.”

I tried to stop my own smile. “What? you’re a catch. I’m sure if she knew how you were feeling, she’d change her ways.”

His smirk disappeared and he breathed deeply. Then he turned to face me. “What about you? Is there someone special who’s missing you?”

I sighed and stretched my arms. “Nope, it’s just been me for the past six months.” I looked at him and his tired brown eyes were kind as they waited for me to continue. I took a deep breath. “His name was Caleb. We dated for a year. It was rocky for all but maybe the first month.”

“What happened?” He asked sincerely.

It was still somewhat difficult for me to talk about, but I continued. “We were on different pages. And, not to sound like a relationship expert, but he really didn’t know how to do it successfully. Unreturned calls, missed dates, you name it.” I tried to laugh it off.

Aidan scrunched his nose. “Jerk.”

“Really, I wasn’t his priority in any way, shape, or form, and it took a toll. I put my all into relationships. A strong bond is important to me, and I can’t be with someone who doesn’t feel the same.” I thought for a moment and then laughed again. “I must sound really high-maintenance right now.”

Aidan laughed too. “No, not at all. You sound perfectly sensible.” He studied me for a moment. “How old are you?”

I tried to stifle a blush, knowing I was younger than his apparently immature girlfriend. “28.”

He raised his eyebrows. “You seem mature for your age.”

I peered at him out of the corner of my eye. “Thanks?”

He laughed, realizing how his comment could have been taken. “No, no, it’s a good thing. You seem like you know what you want, and what you need. That’s very impressive.”

I smiled and nodded my head, accepting his compliment. It was strange, sitting here watching the ocean waves, pouring my heart out to a man who, just days prior, had been not much more than a fantasy to me.


	6. Exhaustion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the kudos and nice comments! I'm eager to continue this story for all who are enjoying it!

_You can’t truly understand exhaustion until you’ve spent two days stranded on a deserted island,_ I thought to myself as I practically collapsed onto the ground of our shelter at the end of the day. The sun was barely touching the horizon, but we were both ready to attempt to sleep again. Aidan had spent a few more hours trying to spearfish, with absolutely no luck. He was beyond frustrated. I’d sorted out the rest of the items from the suitcases, hoping to find something helpful. But no machetes or protein bars were to be found.

The dark clouds had slowly increased in proximity throughout the afternoon, and I knew it would rain soon. The bottles, coconuts and lifeboat were all poised to collect as much water as possible.

Aidan built a makeshift roof over the fire, in preparation for the possible downpour. He climbed into the shelter and laid down next to me.

“Maybe the rain will keep the mosquitos at bay.” He suggested saltily into the quiet of the evening and then yawned deeply.

“I’ll welcome the rain on any terms as long as I can get a drink.” I responded. My mouth was dry and sticky as I said the words. We’d been surviving off of coconut water all day. It kept us mildly hydrated, but it never fully satisfied.

I stared up at the palm fronds above us, slowly blowing in the breeze. “Do you think the roof will leak?” I asked.

When I didn’t receive a response, I turned my head to look at Aidan. His eyes were closed, and his lips were parted slightly as he breathed slowly. I watched him for a moment in silence. I was glad to see him sleeping, even for just this moment. It was peaceful to see someone else at ease. I smiled and rolled over, trying to find a comfortable spot on the sand, so that I could enter that place of ease as well.

***

My ease was short-lived.

Soon after I’d fallen asleep, I was awoken by a wet, misty breeze blowing over my face. I opened my eyes and ran my hand across my forehead. It was very damp.

Outside the shelter, I saw steady streams of rain pelting the beach. The palm trees were blowing wildly, and the wind was beginning to pick up. I looked out at the fire. The roof Aidan had built over it was whipping chaotically, and the flames were dancing drunkenly, trying to search for oxygen.

I gasped and turned to Aidan. Somehow, he was still asleep, and I didn’t want to wake him, but something had to be done about the fire. I looked back at the flames. They were choking rapidly. I made the split-second decision that I need Aidan’s help and I gently nudged his shoulder.

“Aidan...” I coaxed gently into the wind.

He sniffed, but didn’t wake.

“Aidan…” I repeated, this time a bit louder. “Aidan, the fire…”

He opened his eyes and blinked slowly before focusing on me.

“The fire…” I said again with an expression of worry, pointing out into the rain.

He suddenly understood me and sat up quickly. He looked out of the shelter at the fire. “Oh, God…”

Within seconds, he darted out into the rain and began adjusting the roof above the fire. I grabbed as many palm fronds as I could and added them to the structure. The rain pelted my face – tiny stings as each drop made contact.

We were both drenched to the bone as we fumbled. Aidan tried to add more wood to the flames to increase the heat, but the new wood was soaking wet and would not catch. The flames continued to decrease as the storm grew in strength. Aidan’s soaking wet hair whipped in the wind as he struggled.

Suddenly, a strong gust blew across the beach and completely dislodged the entire protection for the fire. It whipped in a tumbling mess down the beach. Aidan stopped his work immediately and dropped his arms to his side. I hung my head as the last of the flames were quickly extinguished.

Aidan didn’t move for a few moments as he stared at the wet logs where the fire once roared. I breathed deeply as the rain dripped down my face. It was a moment of defeat and we both dealt with it internally as we finally made our way back to the shelter.

We crawled in and laid back down. I didn’t want to say anything, for fear that he might be on the edge of a frustrated outburst, so we both lay silently staring at the makeshift roof above us. I knew our chances of sleeping in this condition were slim to none.

As if the storm didn’t think it had given us enough headache, the winds began to increase even more and the fronds on the roof began to detach one by one, leaving small cracks where the rain began to drip in. I let out a frustrated breath and draped my arm over my face, trying to shield it from the rain. But it was no use, the streams became steadier and the ground beneath us began to pool.

“This is ridiculous.” Aidan growled from beside me. He sat up and ran his hand through his wet hair.

I pulled myself into a sitting position and looked at him, unsure of how to make this situation less miserable.

His dark eyes were defeated as he looked at the water pooling around us. “We can’t be sitting in water. We’ve got to get off the ground.”

I rubbed my hands down my bare, wet arms, beginning to feel a chill. Goosebumps raised on my skin.

Aidan reached into his bag and grabbed his jacket and then extended his hand to me. “Come on.”

I placed my hand in his and he pulled me to my feet and lead me out of the shelter and into the vegetation. The rain was slightly less driving under the canopy of trees, but it was still enough to continue to soak us. We found a tree that had fallen and climbed up onto its horizontal trunk. I continued to shake as the dampness soaked into my body.

“Here, put this on.” Aidan handed me his jacket. “It’s partly water repellent.”

I looked at him with question. “But what about you?”

“I’ll be ok.” He replied. “Here, take it.”

He pushed the jacket towards me again. After a moment of hesitation, I took it from him and wrapped it around my shoulders. He was right, it did block the rain a bit.

“Thank you.” I whispered.

Aidan shivered slightly, hunched over in his spot on the log, about a foot’s length from me.

I cleared my throat quietly. I knew enough from the movies that shared body heat was our best bet in a situation like this, but I wasn’t sure what was appropriate.

I pondered the idea for a moment nervously, not wanting to give the wrong impression. But another gust of wind brought splatters of cold rain down on us and I instinctively pulled his jacket tighter and scooted a few inches towards him.

To my grateful surprise, he followed suit and closed the distance from his side, until the right side of my body, and his left, were pressed against each other. I could feel his heat in the spots where we touched, and a chill of a different kind sent more goosebumps across my skin.

I closed my eyes and buried my face in the collar of the jacket, inhaled the scent once again, and tried to stifle my shivers.

***

While I had never casually wondered if it was possible to sleep sitting up, in the pouring rain, I knew now, that the answer was no.

The last bits of rain began to slow just as the light of a new day crept through the trees. I was still hunched over with my face buried in my knees, which I held onto tightly. I opened my eyes slowly from my state of limbo; not asleep but not awake. My head felt heavy and my body lethargic. The jacket Aidan had lent me was now completely waterlogged. I let my feet fall to the ground and I turned to look at him.

He was still pressed against me. His shoulders were slumped, and he didn’t move.

“I think it’s finally over.” My voice croaked quietly as I began to peel the jacket from my shoulders.

Aidan grunted and lifted his head. His eyes were swollen and red as he peered around. He ran his hand through his hair, took a deep breath, and stood up. He didn’t say anything as he stumbled back towards the beach.

I could barely stand myself, but I managed. I felt like a drowned zombie. I took a deep, shaking breath and followed Aidan to the beach. He immediately began recreating our SOS lettering out of palm fronds. I walked to the bottles and coconuts I’d lined up to collect water. They were each filled to the brim. I picked a coconut up and poured the water into my mouth, gulping it hungrily. It was delicious and satisfying, feeling the cool liquid run down my throat and coat my mouth in welcome moisture. I looked at the lifeboat, it was filled nearly halfway with water. I let out a breath. We’d be set for a few days as long as we could prevent evaporation. At least the storm had given us that.

I drained another half coconut and then walked one of the bottles to Aidan. He gratefully gulped the entire bottle and then handed it back to me.

“Another?” I asked.

He shook his head. “Perhaps in a bit.”

I took a step back. “Do you need help?” I watched him drag palm fronds into place.

“I’m fine.” His voice was short and clipped.

I frowned and turned away from him. I walked to the pile of logs where our fire had once been. Bending down, I felt the wood. It was completely drenched. We’d have no chance of starting it back up until it dried out. I looked at the sky. The rain had completely ceased, and the clouds were beginning to spread. The sun would appear soon.

Our shelter was a mess. During the night, the roof had completely blown off, leaving just the bare structure, and there were puddles everywhere. We needed to get off the ground.

I walked to the water’s edge and sat down in the sand. The tide lapped at my toes. There were hundreds of shells that had washed up in the storm. They were strewn around me. I picked up a few of them, turning them around in my hands, studying their beauty. In another time, I would have loved to walk the beach, collecting these treasures as keepsakes, but here, they were just part of the landscape; small reminders that we were in a place of beauty, yet utter desolation.

My eyelids began to droop as I sat in silence and I rubbed my forehead, trying to will myself awake. I turned to see Aidan struggling with the wood for the fire.

I pulled myself up and walked over to him. “The wood is too wet to light.” I said quietly.

“We need fire.” He replied simply.

“You need _sleep_.” I suggested. “The fire can wait.”

He didn’t look at me, but continued to stack the wood with shaking hands. “No, sleep can wait. We need fire, we need a new shelter, we need food. You’re becoming skin and bones.”

I frowned and looked down at my body. I knew I’d lost weight quickly since we’d been here, and I was already thin to begin with, but I didn’t realize it was that noticeable.

“You have to sleep.” I pleaded.

He looked up at me and his eyes were angry. It surprised me. “Look, we’re not going to survive if we don’t get these things done.” His voice was slightly elevated and commanding.

I thought for a moment and then took a breath and kneeled in front of him. “Aidan, listen to me. You’re exhausted, I’m exhausted. We aren’t going to be successful with any of these tasks until we’ve slept. Look, the sand is drying. Just lay down and let your body rest. Let the sun dry out the wood, and then you can build a fire.”

He continued to stare at me with an expression of frustration. I could tell the wheels were turning in his head as he weighed his options. Finally, he let out a breath and dropped his hands from the wood.

“Just a short nap.” He exhaled.

I studied his face. The bandage that wrapped around his head was becoming discolored from the strenuous work he’d been doing.

“Let me change your bandage first.” I suggested.

When he didn’t object, I walked to the suitcases and tore a new strip of clothing and grabbed the antibacterial ointment before walking back to him and sitting down. He closed his eyes as I untied his old bandage and pulled it slowly from his wound. He winced slightly as I removed it. The deep cut was far from healed, but it didn’t appear infected. I placed a dab of ointment on my finger and gently applied it to the gash. Aidan never opened his eyes and I wondered if maybe he’d fallen asleep already. But when I applied the new bandaged and tied it securely, he finally opened them and looked directly at me.

“Thank you.” He said quietly.

I tried to smile, but I was so tired, my face barely worked. I stood up and held out my hand to him, which took and stood next to me. He was at least 6 inches taller than me and I felt dwarfed by him, especially in my malnourished state.

We walked back to the shelter and studied the ground. It was damp, but not drenched. We grabbed a few stray palm fronds and threw them over the roof for shade and then we collapsed onto the sand. The second my head touched the ground, I felt sleep overcome me immediately.

***

The next thing I knew, I opened my eyes from a dreamless sleep. I turned my head towards the water and saw that the sun hung close to the horizon. Was it still morning, or had I slept all day? I wracked my brain and remembered the sun had gone down on this side of the island the previous nights, so it must be evening. My brain felt slightly less cloudy as I slowly sat up. I peered at Aidan, who still slept silently next to me. He was on his back and his deep brown curls sprawled around his head lazily. His chest rose and fell slowly and evenly. I grinned slightly, glad to see him finally resting.

I exited the shelter as quietly as I could and walked to the pile of firewood. Touching it with my fingers, I found that it was dry now, and so I set to work starting a new fire. It was patient work, as I mimicked what I saw Aidan do before. I sat with the mirror aimed at the kindling for many minutes until I realized that the heat from the low hanging sun might not be enough to generate a fire. Aidan was right in focusing on getting the fire lit as top priority. Our daylight was now gone, and we’d have to wait until tomorrow. I threw the mirror to the ground in frustration and looked back at Aidan, who still slept soundly. He’d be angry when he woke up, that was for sure.

I sighed and I stood up, placing my hands on my hips. There was nothing for me to do other than sit and wait for a probable outburst from Aidan, so instead, I decided to explore the island.

I walked around its perimeter slowly, letting the waves touch my bare feet. About halfway around, I came upon the rocks that Aidan and I had sat on the night before, talking about our lives. I climbed up onto a larger one and pulled my knees to my chest. My hair blew in the soft breeze as I stared at the water.

The growlings in my stomach were now such a commonality that I barely felt them. But when I sat in silence, I focused on all of the sensations. Physically, I was bruised and scratched. I was famished, exhausted and sunburnt. I couldn’t hold my hand steady and my head felt like it was a million pounds. Emotionally, I’d lost a lot all hope. It had now been three days since we’d seen the plane fly nearby. Surely, if they’d seen us, they would have returned by now. Maybe Aidan was right; they’d found the wreckage and assumed us dead as well, never to find our bodies.

I closed my eyes and breathed in the sea air. In any other situation, I would welcome a calming trip to the beach. It could truly be relaxing…in any other situation.

I thought about Lainey. If she knew I was stranded on an island with Aidan Turner, she’d say something comical with a hint of _You go girl!_ But how little she knew about the realities we were facing. In our state of hunger, this wasn’t a story of a lucky fan and her fantasy encounter, this was a real, true, life or death situation, and I let that realization sink in slowly as I watched the sun set over the horizon.


	7. Perseverance

“I was wondering where you’d wandered off to.” Aidan’s deep voice startled me from behind.

I closed my eyes, waiting for the inevitable frustration I was sure he felt from the lack of progress today. But he quietly climbed onto the rock next to me and stared out at the sea.

“I’m sorry for being short with you earlier.” He spoke into the evening breeze.

I was caught off guard by his apology. I knew he wasn’t thinking clearly in his sleep deprived state this morning, so I wasn’t holding anything against him. He really hadn’t been that bad. But I appreciated his words.

“We’re both exhausted. I understood your frustration.” I replied quietly.

“Well, I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.” His voice was disappointed.

I turned my gaze to him. He was still watching the waves. “I didn’t interpret it that way.”

He looked at me briefly and then back at the water. “Well, I suppose that’s good, I guess.” His voice lacked any inflection or animation. It was interesting seeing him this way. From the interviews I’d seen, he had an energetic, joyful personality. Now, he was not himself. He was a shell of his true character.

I was tentative to bring up the next topic. “So, the firewood should be dry enough in the morning to light.”

Aidan closed his eyes. “Let’s not talk about the fire right now.”

I swallowed nervously. “Ok, do you feel more rested after sleeping?”

He massaged the bridge of his nose in response. “I do feel a tad better, but I’d rather not even talk about that. Can we just, for a moment, pretend like we’re not stranded, starving and miserable?”

I frowned for a moment, thinking he was angry, but then I understood. This whole situation was taking its toll on us not only physically, but emotionally. A break from reality sounded welcome to me too.

I grinned slightly. “Ok, I’ll play along. If we weren’t stranded here in the middle of nowhere, but still engaged in conversation like this, I’d bet I was handing you a photo to sign or asking for a picture. What would you say to that?”

I watched the corner of his mouth twitch up slightly. He turned to me again. “I would gladly oblige.”

I smirked. “And then…I would say something like, ‘I’m such a fan of your work, especially Poldark. Tell me, is Demelza ever going to forgive Ross?’”

A faint twinkle reappeared in his eye and he turned to face me completely, joining the role-play. “I suppose you’ll have to wait and see. Have you read the books?”

“I haven’t.” I responded.

“Ah, you’re missing out then. They’re brilliant.”

I knew that if we had met in this simple situation we were enacting, that would be the end of it. He would hand me my autographed photo, we would pose for a picture, and then I would leave him to greet the next fan. But that wasn’t the case. We were here together, alone, with only one another for company.

“Do you like to read?” Aidan asked.

“I do. I’m a sucker for a good Jane Austen novel.” I grinned.

“Ah, I can understand your interest in Poldark then.”

“They do have their similarities.” I laughed slightly, thinking about Aidan in his tailcoat, riding boots and bright white cravat tied around his neck. I blinked the image away, trying not to blush. “Do you like to read?”

He wrinkled his nose. “I’ll read for my roles, but not usually for pleasure. It’s a hobby I’d love to adopt, but I haven’t had the time.”

“What are some of your hobbies?” I asked, curious.

“Well, I paint. Though I’m wildly untalented at it.” He chuckled.

“That I doubt.” I replied.

“You’d be surprised.” He laughed again. “I’d do best to stick with acting.”

I smiled and ran my hand through a few strands of my hair, tucking them behind my ear. Aidan grinned back at me and I knew that, for just a moment, we’d forgotten our predicament.

As if he read my mind, Aidan pressed his lips together and dropped his eyes to the ground. “Tomorrow, we’ll be more well rested. We’ll build a new fire, a better shelter, and we’ll work on the fishing again.”

The smile faded from my face as well, as I accepted our reality again.

Aidan stood up from his rock. “Let’s head back and get some more sleep.”

***

The mosquitoes were ten times worse at night. While I’d slept decently during the light of day, the darkness brought sharp stings and itching bumps constantly. Even through our clothing, we were getting bit nonstop. It was enough to drive us crazy and frustration overwhelmed us both once again.

When the sun peaked through the trees, Aidan finally sat up and rubbed his forehead. “We have _got_ to figure out this bug situation. I’m about to lose my mind.”

I sighed and sat up next to him, scratching a large bump on my knee and trying to ignore the gnawing hunger in my stomach. “I know, I wish I’d packed bug repellent.”

He took a deep, cleansing breath and then stood up. “Well, let’s make the best of our daylight. He looked around the beach, now dimly lit by the rising sun. He pulled his tangled curls up into a loose bun. “If we’re going to make it through another storm, we need a better shelter. I’d like to circle the island for a more ideal location.”

I knew he was right, so I agreed and stood up tentatively. My legs felt weaker today and I had to pause for a moment as I felt lightheaded. I reached for a coconut and cracked it open on a rock – I’d perfected the skill now – and bit into the white interior as we began a walk along the sand.

“I want to stay close to the beach. The bugs will relent more here than deep in the trees, but at the same time, the winds are brutal out in the open.” Aidan explained his thoughts as we walked. We were now on the rockier side of the island, but there was a small, smooth sandy beach situated between the large boulders.

“Hang on.” He said, stopping and squinting towards the tree line.

I followed his gaze. This part of the island was not completely flat, and there was a rocky façade that opened up to the small tree-spotted beach.

“Is that a cave?” He began walking towards the façade. “How did I miss that before?”

I followed him and eventually saw what he saw. It could barely be described as a cave, but a section of rock hung over a small alcove, maybe eight feet in diameter.

“This is perfect.” He said eagerly. “The stone ground slopes away from the interior, so the water won’t pool, and we can lean a wall of bamboo and palm fronds against this edge.” He extended his arms, envisioning his plan.

“And the fire could go here.” I pointed at a sandy spot between two large boulders out of the wind.

“Yes, you’re right. this will do well.” Aidan replied, placing his hands on his hips and surveying the area like he was buying a plot of land.

My stomach growled loudly. It was an empty, ringing, helpless feeling. I leaned against one of the large boulders for support and nibbled my coconut.

What followed was a long morning of transporting our few belongings to this side of the island and gathering materials for our new shelter. We stopped to eat coconuts or drink from our supply of lifeboat rain water, but mostly we worked together to craft our new temporary home. I took more breaks than Aidan did, pausing to rest my weak, hungry body, but I was successful in splitting and laying palm fonds across the floor and the outside wall of the structure. He held the pieces while I secured them tightly with vines and long leaves. Aidan did all of the heavy lifting, and even crafted a door-type panel that we could successfully close to ward off any rain. It was much sturdier and weatherproof than our makeshift lean-to we’d started with.

At noon, when the sun was at its strongest, Aidan successfully started a new fire. He seemed in better spirits once we’d finished these tasks. I sat by the flames, arranging the logs when Aidan stood up and grabbed his fishing spear.

“I’m going to give it a go again.” He told me.

“I’d like to help.” I said as I stood up too quickly and had to rest my hands on my knees for a moment.

“Are you sure? You should rest.” Aidan looked worried.

When my head cleared, I stood up straight. “No, no, I’m fine. I want to help.”

His curls, now released from his bun, blew in the breeze as he watched me with concern. “Alright...here, you take this one. I’ll make another.” He handed the spear to me.

“Thanks.” I replied, taking it from him and walking out towards the ocean. I stepped up onto the rocks, searching for a shallow, calm section of water. I had no idea what I was doing, and I knew Aidan had been struggling, but knew I had to try. I stepped into warm tide and positioned myself with my spear, aimed and ready.

Soon, small fish began to swim nearby, and I locked my gaze on them. They were not large by any means and I knew they’d be difficult to spear, but when nothing bigger came along, I flung my spear into the water aimed at one of them. The spear wobbled as it flew and missed the fleeing fish by a good meter. I took a deep breath and walked to retrieve it, by which the rest of the fish scattered as well. I reset my position and waited again.

My second attempt was the same failure, and then Aidan appeared behind me with his new spear.

“Any luck?” He asked.

“None whatsoever.” I replied.

“We’ll keep at it.” He walked down the rocky beach and chose a position twenty meters away for himself.

We worked for what felt like an hour, spearing and then resetting, each time coming up empty. I watched him a few times. He was wearing a sleeveless shirt and his arm flexed as he threw the spear. He was fit, but I noticed the bones on his shoulders protruded more so than I’d seen a few days ago. He was struggling with his hunger too, but hiding it much better. My stomach grumbled again, and I felt a wave of sweat overcome me. I squinted at the bright sun beating down on me and then I stared at the swimming fish, trying to pick one, but they danced in my vision and I had trouble focusing. A slight ringing in my ears began and the lapping waves at my feet began to affect my balance.

I stumbled slightly, trying to regain my footing, but my vision clouded. I dropped my spear and brought my hand to my damp forehead, trying to compose myself, but another wave threw me off balance again and I stumbled, dropping to my knees in the shallow water.

“Whoa!” Aidan called from nearby. In my peripheral vision, I saw him drop his own spear and dash towards me through the water. “Are you alright?” He asked as he helped me to my feet.

I continued to hold my forehead. “Yeah, I’m fine.” My voice was breathless.

When I was standing, Aidan tentatively released his grip on my arm, but my legs would not hold my weight and I fell again, this time directly into him and he locked his hands under my arms, holding me up against him.

“Let’s get you out of the sun.” He spoke gently as he wrapped his arm around my back, supporting me almost completely and helping me limp from the water and up the beach. He sat me down under the shade of a low palm and I hung my head between my knees, trying to regain full consciousness.

Aidan sat down next to me. “How are you feeling?”

I squinted my eyes, trying to understand myself. “I don’t know. I got chills, and then felt faint. I don’t know what came over me.”

“Your body is working off of energy reserves. You’re not putting enough nourishment in, and combined with the hard work and beating sun, you need to rest.”

I frowned in frustration. “But _you’re_ doing just fine.”

He took a deep breath. “Well, that’s not true. I’m ravenous. But our bodies work differently I’m sure. Yours is struggling more in this aspect.”

I pursed my lips, mad at myself. “I’m sorry.”

Aidan’s brow furrowed. “Sorry for what?”

I looked at him with sad eyes and gestured to myself. “I want to help. I’m sorry I’m in this state.”

Aidan placed his hand on my back. “What you need to do right now is regain your energy.” He handed me another coconut and a refilled bottle of water. “I’ll continue to fish, and you can rest.”

I sighed.

“Do you need anything else?” He asked.

“I’m fine.” I responded defeatedly.

***  
  


For the rest of the afternoon, I sat on the beach, sipping my water and nibbling my coconut like a child in time-out, watching Aidan struggle with his spear. He moved up and down the coastline, trying without success. I wondered how much longer he would try before he gave up. Were fish just not spear-able in these waters? What were we doing wrong?

I sat by the fire, absorbing its warmth. My shivering was another symptom of my extreme hunger. When it became too dark to see anymore, I watched Aidan walk slowly back towards me. His shoulders and face were red from the sun. I cracked open a coconut and handed it to him as he sat down with a thud, out of energy.

We sat silently, watching the flames dance, each in our own thoughts.

“Ugh, I’m wrecked. What am I not doing right?” Aidan spoke into the quiet of the night. “There has to be some trick or technique I’m just not getting.”

“I’m sure there is something.” I agreed. “But no one expects you to be an expert spear fisher.”

Aidan scoffed. “I’ve been at it for days. You’d expect I could catch at least one fish.”

I frowned. I didn’t want to upset him, but I was worried. Without protein, we wouldn’t thrive. We’d taken some of the vitamins I’d found in the elderly couple’s suitcase, but they would only last so long. It had been more than four days. I thought back to the news I’d watched on previous plane crashes. Had they searched for more than a few days? Maybe, but that was because they didn’t find the wreckage. Did they have any reason to keep searching if they thought we were dead? I thought of my parents planning my funeral, the tears from my sister, the hugs of my friends. I wanted to scream out to them that I was alive. I was here! Struggling to thrive.

My eyebrows pulled together as I felt a lump in my throat again. I wanted to be home, cozy and warm, safe and sound. My emotions were on edge and I was having trouble focusing on anything positive. Now that I felt helpless in my malnourished condition, I wondered if I’d ever be able to bounce back and contribute to our survival.

I pulled my knees to my chest and rested my forehead on them. “They’re not looking for us anymore, are they?” I asked quietly, not wanting a response, but hoping that there would encouragement behind his words.

Aidan was quiet for a moment, before I heard him sigh. “No, Colette, I don’t think they are.”

Shocked by his immediate agreement, I kept my face shielded from him and stifled a sob. It had been a doubt in my mind, but hearing him concur without hesitation terrified me that it was the truth.

“What about vi..visitors to the island? Someone has to own it?” My breath caught in a quiet sob as I spoke, but Aidan didn’t notice.

“Have you seen any evidence of humanity here?” His voice had become agitated. “It’s not exactly a tourist destination.”

I squeezed my eyes shut. “So, is this it?”

The anger in his voice continued. “I don’t know, Colette. I’m sure this island won’t go untouched forever, But I don’t see an end near. By the time someone finds us, we’ll probably be a pile of bones.”

His words stung me with fear, and I brought my hand to my mouth, pressed between my face and my knees and stifled another sob.

“I’m obviously incapable of providing a decent food supply, so that’ll probably be our demise.” His voice was tight with self-loathing. “We apparently aren’t skilled enough for this challenge, and we’ll pay the price.”

I wanted to be strong for him, for his confidence, but I was the weakest I’d been so far, both physically and emotionally and I broke down. My body shook as I let the tears fall.

I felt Aidan shift next to me. “Ahh, that was thick of me.” He scooted closer to me. “I’m sorry Colette.”

I kept my head buried. “You’re right though. We can’t do this.”

“Of course we can, of course we can.” He cooed. Then he pushed a strand of hair from my forehead. The line where his finger traced my skin tingled in response.

“I didn’t mean what I said.” He continued. “I’m shattered and not thinking clearly. But I haven’t lost hope yet.”

I lifted my head and squinted at him through puffy eyes. He watched me with knitted brows.

“Look, we have a dry place to sleep tonight. We’re doing this. If we stick with it, we’ll get better at it.” He spoke gently.

“I’m losing hope.” I whispered, barely able to speak.

His dark brown eyes stared deeply into mine. He thought for a moment and then opened his mouth to speak. “I promise you I will not stop trying.” He scooted even closer to me and then wrapped his arm around my back. I felt him pull me into him and I obliged, letting myself collapse into his chest.

His other arm wrapped around me until I was locked in his full embrace. “I promise.” He whispered into my hair.

My face was pressed into his shirt and I could feel his chest slowly rising and falling as my sobs began to slow. There was a warmth in his arms, a calming sensation as he held me, and I recognized the comfort was not a product of my earlier surface-level infatuation with him, but a true security in his words of promise.


	8. Breakthrough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many thanks for your comments! I'm overwhelmed with happiness that so many of you are enjoying the story! I've been using a different cover image for each chapter, and while my main goal has been to keep the cheesiness to a minimum, this photo just works for chapter 8...and I'm not mad about that. 😉 Enjoy!

After a slightly better sleep in our new shelter – it was dry and calm, blocked from the wind by the stone walls – the next morning went much the same. I stayed by the fire, resting and throwing an occasional new log onto the fire. Trying to make myself useful,I busied myself with figuring out how to weave palm leaves into softer floor mats to place on the cold stone of our shelter. I had just finished a decent prototype when Aidan returned from a morning attempt at fishing, empty handed again.

I handed him a coconut and he drank the water gratefully. He sat down next to me in the sand. “I have a new plan.”

I looked at him questioningly. “What’s that?”

He licked the coconut water from his lips and wiped the back of his hand across his growing beard. “I think I’ve been in the wrong place. The fish I’m trying to spear near shore are too small. The targets are tiny. I’ve been hesitant to go much further than my waist, but I think I need to swim out further.”

I gulped nervously. “Are you a good swimmer?”

“Yeah, I can swim just fine.” He replied, taking a bite from his coconut.

I took a deep breath. I knew we needed real food more than anything else right now. And I knew that Aidan was probably right about the larger fish further offshore, but the ocean was strong and unforgiving. Was it worth it for him to risk his safety? I looked out at the sea. The wind was more forgiving today and the waves were fairly calm. We could either sit back and wait to die of malnourishment, or take a risk to turn our predicament around. The nagging fear I had reminded me that if something happened to Aidan, I’d be all alone. I knew I couldn’t survive alone. But I knew the answer.

My stomach grumbled painfully again, but I ignored it. “I think you should try it.” I said simply.

He nodded his head and stood up in his spot. “I’ve got a good feeling about this.” I could see the motivation behind his expression. I knew that if he didn’t try, he’d always regret it.

Before I had a chance to respond, he grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head, revealing his perfectly chiseled torso, and picked up his spear.

I was momentarily stunned by his decision to go shirtless – he hadn’t yet done so in my presence since we’d arrived on the island. My eyes dropped to his chest, covered in dark curls, and my mouth became even dryer than it already was. I swallowed and tried to find my words.

“Please…be careful.” I managed to squeak out.

“I will.” He replied, almost absentmindedly, and began to walk from me.

But I snapped myself back to focus and called after him. “Aidan.”

He stopped and turned to face me as he balanced the spear on his shoulder.

I eyed him sincerely. “The ocean is stronger than you think. Be smart. Don’t risk your life for one fish.”

A tight grin appeared on his face. “I’ll be careful, I promise. Don’t sit and fret about me.”

I frowned. “It’s unlikely that I’ll be able to think of anything else.”

He cocked his head in sympathy. “I’ll be back before you know it. Get those hot coals ready. We’re dining on fish tonight.”

And with that, he turned on his heel and disappeared behind the rocks that surrounded our small beach.

I rested my chin on my hand, deep in thought. Had I just let him enter a dangerous situation? I wondered how long he’d be gone. I briefly imagined sharks circling and strong waves crashing into immovable boulders, but I shook my head, trying to clear my worry. He was confident. I could see that today. I needed to let him explore his new plan.

My mind wandered to his bare chest again, and then I was pulled to my memory of last night, when he’d cradled me in his arms, promising me that he wouldn’t give up. I was embarrassed by my tears, but he’d made me feel secure. I felt a tingling sensation down my spine as I re-experienced his warm embrace through my memories. A smile briefly touched my lips but then I stopped myself, afraid to let my mind wander. He’d been comforting my sadness, and that was it. He’d meant nothing more. He was clearly still devoted to his relationship with Jane, or at least the prospect of improving it. It would be disrespectful to her if I were to indulge in such fantasies. Before I’d met him, I let myself fantasize, but now that he was here in front of me, something about it felt wrong. He was real. Jane was real. I needed to respect that.

I breathed in the clean ocean air and stood up slowly, being careful of my weak state, and set off to distract myself.

I started by tightening the palm fronds that were secured to the outer wall of our shelter. Then I added the woven pads to the ground on the interior, providing a softer place to sleep. When I stepped back out into the sun, I stopped to check our lifeboat. The water was low. As much as I hated to admit it, we needed another storm.

Exhausted by my small tasks, I found a shady spot in the sand and laid down on my back, gazing up at the clouds. Today, they were large, fluffy, and bright white. I remembered as a child, I would point out shapes I recognized. It was a fun, carefree game. I wondered if I could place myself in such a carefree mindset today. I studied the formations, searching for familiarity.

First, I found a hamburger. I blinked, clearly distracted by my hunger. Next, I spotted a slice of cheesecake. I sighed. When I’d located a pile of mashed potatoes and gravy, I closed my eyes in despair, helpless to my condition.

In an attempt to distract myself from my empty stomach, I focused again on the only other thing that could divert me: Aidan.

I wondered if he was safe. He’d been gone for multiple hours. I was so impressed by his strength these last few days. I knew he was just as famished as I was, yet he carried on, pushing himself physically to provide for us. I thought about everyone else on the plane who perished. Would they have had the persistence and motivation that he did? Regardless of his self-deprecation last night, he was a fighter, and he was selfless. I could see that. He’d scanned the plane for anyone alive before saving himself. I surely would have died if he hadn’t hauled my limp body from the wreckage. An overwhelming sense of gratitude overcame me. Had I really thanked him enough for what he did? I made a mental note to make sure I did.

I let my mind become blank as I lay on the ground, trying to relax.

“Ready to eat?”

My eyes flew open and I blinked into the sunlight. I sat up to see Aidan standing in front of me, glistening with drops of ocean water splattered across his bare chest. His curls hung in wet strands around his face and his wet shorts clung to his legs. On his face was a cheeky grin and in his hands were two shiny, plump fish.

My eyes lit up and my mouth hung open. “Oh my…” I started, in disbelief, and then lurched to my feet. “Aidan…you did it!”

He grinned widely at me and set the fish on a nearby rock.

I bravely crossed the distance between us and flung my arms around his neck. He stumbled backwards, surprised by my hug, but wrapped his arms around me too.

“Sorry, I’m a bit wet.” He laughed.

“I don’t even care.” I chuckled and pulled away from him, looking up into his sparkling eyes. “I can’t believe you did it.”

His expression turned to playful offense. “What? You didn’t think I could do it?”

I smirked, taking another step back. “No, of course I knew you could.” I blushed, slightly embarrassed by my physical display of gratitude, and then turned my eyes to the fish, eyeing them hungrily.

Aidan followed my gaze. “We’ve surely earned this meal.” He picked up two sturdy sticks and pierced them through the fish and then we went to sit by the fire and positioned them close to the flames. Before he sat down, he pulled on a white t-shirt, much to my dismay.

“Was it difficult?” I asked as we cooked. “Once you swam deeper, I mean.”

“It took me a bit to find the right spot, but once I did, there were loads of fish. It was so simple, Colette.” He smiled, laughing at himself. “I wasted so much time at the shore. Success was just a few meters deeper.”

I sighed happily. “So, you think it’s repeatable?”

“Oh, most definitely.” He replied.

For the first time since we’d been stranded, a true sense of hope coursed through my veins. If we had food, real food, we could do this. We could survive until help eventually arrived.

When we sensed our fish were fully cooked, we used empty half coconuts as bowls and dug in. The first bite was heaven. I could feel it hit my empty, suffering stomach and I suddenly became ravenous. I’d never been a fan of dealing with fish bones in fancy cuisine, but I didn’t care one bit today. I pulled every last bit of white flesh from the bones and stuffed it into my mouth. When I came up for air, I glanced at Aidan, who had also licked his clean.

I breathed a sigh of contentment. My stomach was so shrunken that one small fish was enough to satisfy my hunger for the moment. I leaned back on my elbows and closed my eyes, basking in my fullness. When I opened them, Aidan was staring at me, a crooked smile on his face.

“What?” I laughed playfully.

He continued to grin. “I’m just glad you’re feeling better.”

“ _So_ much better.” I agreed, pulling myself up into a sitting position again and making sincere eye contact. “Thank you.”

He shrugged. “I was worried about you. I wasn’t coming back without fish today.”

I smiled. The sun was now hanging low in the sky and a deep pink spread across the horizon. The flames danced across Aidan’s features. I watched him for a moment and then remembered my thoughts from earlier in the day.

“I don’t think I ever properly thanked you for saving my life…and now you’ve essentially just done it again.” I paused. “You never had to carry me off of that plane. I could have gone with the rest of them… I don’t know how to repay you.”

He looked up at me and his eyes were laced with an emotion I didn’t quite recognize. There was a mix of sadness, relief, and trauma. “I wasn’t going to leave you to die.” His voice was low and soft. “I’m so grateful you’ve survived.” He paused. “For you of course, but also because I can’t imagine being alone out here. There is a comfort in having someone to lean on.”

I looked down at my hands, thinking about what he’d said. “Together we’re stronger. We have to find the balance – to pick each other up when we’re low, and support each other.”

I looked back up at him and his eyes were still locked on mine as he nodded his head in agreement, and then he sat back and let out a weary chuckle.

“What’s funny about that?” I asked, wrinkling my nose.

He wiped his hand down his face. “Life is just interesting…” He paused. “I wish Jane shared your thoughts.”

I cocked my head to the side. “How does she not?”

Aidan scratched his head, tentative to continue. “With her, it’s kind of always the ‘Jane Show.’” He used air quotes with his fingers. “If she’s not happy, no one can be happy. And if I’m not happy, she’s usually mad at me for not being more positive.”

I frowned slightly, considering my words. “Don’t take offense, but…” I paused, not sure if I should continue. “You seem to have more negative than positive to say about her. Why are you still together?”

Aidan took a deep breath. “I don’t know if I have a clear answer for that.” He scratched his chin. “We’re compatible in a lot of ways. We have a lot of fun. But we struggle in a lot of the important areas of relationship health. I think I’m just always hoping she’ll change.” He looked at me with guilt. “I know, that’s not the way to go about it.”

I forced a smile. “People change. That’s not out of the question.” I wasn’t about to sit here and talk Aidan out of his relationship. I didn’t know the whole story, and it wasn’t my place. But I couldn’t help but notice that he focused more on the failures than the victories.

Aidan tilted his head to the side and watched the flames. “Eh, everyone’s got a base personality though.”

I tightened my lips, not wanting to make any more comments. I’d gone too far already.

He seemed to be content with my silence and changed the subject. “So, did you even like fish prior to today? I know some people are averse to it.”

I laughed. “I can confidently say that after today, fish is now my favorite food. But I’ve always enjoyed it. Have you?”

“Luckily, yes.” He smiled. “But you’re right, I think my affinity for it has grown.”

I grinned, looking out at the sunset. “We’re doing it. We’re surviving.” I paused, gazing at the bright colors in the sky. “With a full belly, and a clearer mind, you could actually call it beautiful.”

In my periphery, I saw Aidan respond, but he wasn’t looking at the sunset. “But, the beauty has always been there. It’s in the eye of the beholder.”


	9. Routine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Over 500 hits! You guys are awesome! Thank you so much for reading and leaving your comments!

Palm leaves blowing in the breeze.

Crisp, clear, fresh mornings.

Tree climbing and coconut hauling.

Parched thirst before cleansing rainstorms.

Cool sips of freshly pooled water.

Nervous anticipation of fishing trips in dangerous waves.

Relief upon his eventual return.

Crackling flames on silent evenings.

Savory, flaky, white fish.

Full bellies and enjoyable conversations.

Burning red sunsets.

A companionship growing.

It had been five days since we’d dined on our first real meal. Aidan now had spearfishing down to a science and was able to provide multiple fish for us every evening. It was amazing how easily my strength returned after the fish was introduced into my diet.

Aidan was in better spirits too. I started to see bits and pieces of his true personality. The results were in: he was cheeky and sarcastic – much less serious than he’d been during the first week I’d known him. I often found myself entranced by him. He was so multi-faceted. One minute, he was making me laugh, and then next, we were diving into a deep and heartfelt conversation. We were starting to become more comfortable with each other, and we were finding out that we got along incredibly well.

Even though our struggles were still far from easy and we longed for the comforts of home and the faces of our loved ones, I found myself realizing that there was a whole lot of joy and fun hiding in our daily routines.

At almost two weeks since the crash, we’d both decided to make the best of our situation. Aidan spoke of Jane occasionally. Mostly, he wondered whether she was ok. He hated to think she thought him dead, and I didn’t blame him. What a horrible place he was in, helpless to do anything about her condition. I kept my mouth shut mostly when he spoke about her. When he asked me direct questions, I answered, but otherwise, I let him navigate his thoughts himself.

Our biggest struggle currently was the nightly bugs. We still hadn’t figured out how to keep them at bay, and we spent our nights covered from head to toe in clothing, trying to ward them off.

This morning, I awoke from another night of broken sleep. I pulled the shirt from my face and lay still for a moment, sprawled on the floor of our cave. I looked at the stone wall, counting the tick marks we’d etched into it to record the days. It was still hard to believe we’d been here so long.

Aidan appeared in the doorway, blocking the rising sun with his tall figure. “The tide is calm this morning. Fancy a walk?”

I rubbed my eyes. “Yeah, sure. Give me a sec.”

“Sure. I’ll be down there.” He smiled at me and retreated back outside.

I sat up and stretched my joints, releasing the tension from my agitated sleep. I ran my hands up and down my thin arms, yawning. I was still underweight compared to the state I’d arrived on the island, but it was no longer a steady decline. I seemed to be maintaining my weight now. Reaching into my suitcase, I felt around for my toothbrush. I pulled it out and dabbed the tiniest bit of toothpaste onto the bristles. I was rationing the travel sized tube in every possible way I could, but I still tried to brush my teeth once a day. I didn’t need a tooth infection to add to my list of hardships, thank you very much.

After brushing my teeth, I pulled my hair up into a bun and stepped outside. Looking out at the water, I noticed that Aidan was right, it was a calm morning, perfect for a walk along the sand. We took walks frequently, as we didn’t have much else to do. Sometimes we were silent, in our own minds. Sometimes we talked, but it passed the time and helped us get more acquainted.

Aidan was leaning against a large rock with his arms crossed, staring out at the horizon. His dark curls twisted softly in the mild breeze. I took a moment to admire him. He was still as handsome as the first time I’d laid eyes on him – maybe more now that I knew him on a deeper level.

I took a deep breath and walked over to him. When he sensed my approach, he uncrossed his arms and turned to face me. A genuine smile crossed his face.

“Ready?” He asked.

I smiled back at him. A red scar trailed down the left side of his face, near his eye. Last night, we’d removed the fabric bandage for the last time, deciding that he had healed enough to leave it uncovered. Seeing him for an extended period of time, void of a strip of fabric wrapped around his head, made my knees a bit weaker. He was gorgeous, and I had a hard time focusing on him without blushing.

“How did you sleep?” I asked, taking a step down the beach, trying to avoid eye contact.

He came up alongside me, walking in step. “Terribly as usual. You?”

“Same.” I sighed. “I’m not sure we’ll ever outsmart the bugs, it seems.”

“Maybe eventually we’ll learn to welcome their tiny little stings.” Aidan suggested.

I eyed him sideways and saw he was grinning mischievously.

When he saw my gaze, he let out a chuckle. I loved that I finally got to see his playful side. It was refreshing.

He reached down and picked up a seashell and then turned it around in his fingers as he walked. “You said that it was six months ago that you and Caleb split?”

“Yes.” I responded tentatively, not sure why he was asking.

“Do you think he’s worried about you?”

I thought for a moment, remembering how much Caleb took our relationship for granted. “I’m sure he’s saddened by the news, but we haven’t spoken since we split.”

“What drew you to him in the first place?” Aidan asked.

I took myself backwards in time, a year and a half ago, to when I’d met Caleb. We’d been set up on a blind date. “Well,” I began. “He was handsome, for starters. That pulled me in real quick. But he also made me laugh and said the right things. He was a really smooth talker.”

“Ah, the smooth talker.” Aidan scrunched his nose.

I pushed his arm playfully. “Hey, you’re a pretty smooth talker yourself, Mister.”

He looked at me with wide, spirited eyes. “What? I am not.”

I chortled. “Pft… you should hear yourself. And that accent? You’re liable to knock any woman off her feet.”

“Aye, you like the accent, do ya?” Aidan responded impishly.

Realizing I’d dug myself into that hole, I grinned and squinted my eyes at him, choosing not to reply.

He answered with a grin of his own that touched the corners of his eyes and made them sparkle.

I bit my lip nervously and skipped ahead of him, splashing my toes through the water as I went. “You have to know what your accent does to the women who are fans of you.” I called behind me as I went.

I eventually stopped and turned around to face him. He was watching me with a mischievous expression.

“I know a bit.” He smiled, stopping in front of me. “And I believe you confirmed earlier that you are a fan, did you not?”

I looked up at him, melting at his cheeky expression. He stared down at me playfully, waiting for a response.

I bit my lip again, wishing I could produce another comeback. “I might have.” My voice was quiet, but I raised an eyebrow at him and then turned again to keep walking.

I felt him keep up with me this time, but I tried to hide my face and the blush I knew was there.

“I rest my case.” He stated simply.

I grinned into the wind. I knew he had a playful personality, but this time, he was trying to get a confession out of me, and it roused the butterflies in my stomach.

We walked for a few more moments, each in our own thoughts.

“Let’s pause so I can adjust the SOS.” Aidan suggested, diverting up the sand to rearrange the palm fronds he’d used to spell S.O.S. on the original beach we’d washed up on. His change of subject was welcome, and I followed him from the shore and walked into the vegetation to gather more loose fronds.

As I stepped between plants in my search, I began to smell something familiar. It was similar to a lemon. I wiggled my nose, trying to find the source of the smell. Climbing between branches, I was led to a bush with long thin leaves. I leaned my nose towards it and confirmed the citrus scent.

“Aidan.” I called. “Have you seen this plant before?”

He stopped what he was doing to join me. Smelling it as well, he pulled his eyebrows together. “Lemon? Maybe lemongrass?”

I studied it for a moment. “It has a strong scent. I wonder if it might deter the bugs?”

He raised an eyebrow in approval. “That’s a decent thought, and worth a try.” Pulling out the swiss army knife, he reached down and sliced a bunch of leaves from the plant and handed them to me. Then he sliced off a bunch for himself.

“Should we put them in the cave?” I asked.

“Couldn’t hurt. They smell pleasant anyway.” He replied, smirking. “They’ll spruce up the place.”

“A little home décor?” I joked, eliciting another grin from him, and we turned back towards our camp.

***  
  


That evening, after we’d gorged ourselves on fish, we sat by the fire. I was weaving baskets with palm leaves – a pastime I’d come to enjoy – and Aidan was sharpening his spear.

“Are you full enough?” Aidan asked, studying me out of the corner of his eye.

“Oh yes, plenty.” I replied. “I’ve been feeling so much better.”

He smiled at me and then became serious. “I’m so glad. I hated seeing you so hungry.”

“I’d still be in that state if it weren’t for you.”

“You don’t think you could have speared?” He asked, raising an eyebrow. “I have confidence in you.”

My mouth turned up at one corner. “Thanks for the confidence. But my motivation was much lower than yours, and I don’t think I was strong enough.”

He took a deep breath, studying his spear point carefully as he sharpened “Well, regardless of your physical strength, I think mentally, you’re stronger than you think.”

I tightened my lips not sure how to take his compliment. “Being here sure is a mental battle.”

“Not just here though.” He continued, still not looking at me. “I think I told you once before what I thought. You know what you want in life, and you’re making it happen. Living in LA alone, leaving a relationship that wasn’t healthy for you. A lot of people wouldn’t have had the guts.”

I tucked a leaf into the rim of my current basket, finishing the loop. “My parents taught me to never settle for something that didn’t make me happy.”

“I admire that about you.” He was staring at me now and I met his gaze.

I breathed slowly, but my heart increased in pace with his eyes on me.

“What are some of the things that make you happiest?” He asked.

I rubbed my chin, thinking about it. “Family, friends, bike rides, autumn leaves, chocolate truffles.” I laughed at the last one.

Aidan smiled softly. “Aye, truffles indeed are the root of all happiness.”

“And you?” I asked, smirking. “What makes you happiest?”

He tilted his head back, thinking to himself. “Well, as you said, family, friends and truffles top the list.” He looked down at me with sly humor in his expression. “But also, I love to learn by meeting new people and visiting new places, and I love to paint, and dance.”

My eyes lit up. “Oh, that’s right! I forgot that you used to dance.”

He laughed. “Yes, I miss it sometimes. It was a real joy.”

“Do you dance anymore?” I asked.

“Not much, but I remember most of it.” He gazed at me again and appeared to be contemplating something.

I felt self-conscious as he stared at me. I watched the wheels turn in his head as his eyes became inquisitive.

“I could teach you a few steps.” He suggested quietly, as if not sure he wanted to say them.

I stared back breathlessly, not believing he could possibly be asking me to dance. “Right here?”

He seemed to relax when I didn’t immediately decline him. “Yes, right here.”

“But there is no music.” I felt my cheeks blush.

He stood up and extended his hand to me. “We don’t need any.”

I didn’t move for a moment, looking up at his smirking face waiting for me to oblige.

I took a deep, shaking breath and placed my hand in his. It was large and warm, and it engulfed my small one easily. He pulled me to my feet and guided me towards an open sandy area a few meters from the fire.

He stopped and stood in front of me, still not letting go of my hand. “Have you danced before?”

“No, not really.” I replied. My mouth was dryer than before our first rainstorm.

“Well, I’ll teach you a bit of the Waltz. It’s the easiest to learn, in my opinion.” His voice became more steady as I saw him fall into a zone that he was confident in. “The Waltz is based on a count of three…one two three, one two three, one two three.” He spoke slowly. “Keep that rhythm in your head.”

I swallowed and nodded nervously.

“So, the basic step is the box step. We’ll start with that.” He stepped towards me and I saw him take a visible breath. Was he a bit nervous too? He lifted my left hand. “So, you’ll place your left hand on my shoulder.”

I tried desperately not to grin as I put my hand on his shoulder. It was broad and muscular. I shivered.

Aidan took his right hand and placed it on my back and then took my right hand in his left. “Now, keep your elbows high.” He smiled and took another step towards me. We were now just inches apart.

I wondered if he could sense my fast heartrate. It felt like it was beating out of my chest.

“Ok, follow my lead. First, you’ll step your right foot back.” He inched his left foot forward, guiding my foot backwards. “Now, step out with your left and then follow with your right.” We did so in unison. “Next, step forward with your left.”

I felt his hand on my back pull me gently forward in his direction and I stumbled slightly. I dropped my head and laughed.

“It’s alright, it’s alright.” He cooed, trying to ease my embarrassment.

When I regained my composure, I looked up at him. His eyes were kind, but also amused as he watched me.

“Ok, now step out with your left, and follow with your right, that’s it.” He paused and smiled at me. “And that’s the step. That’s all there is. Shall we try a few in a row?”

I took a deep breath and decided to go all in. “Sure, why not?”

His face became concentrated again. “Ok, remember start with bringing your right foot back. One…two…three…one…two…three.”

We completed the step two more times. His body was rigid and controlled as he led me. His movements were clean and smooth, and I could sense his talent.

“Do you want to try a bit more?” He asked

I was giddy and couldn’t imagine saying no. I nodded my head happily. We continued the box step as Aidan counted, and eventually the movements entered my muscle memory and he was able to stop counting. I bravely looked up into his eyes – they were deep brown in the dark of the evening – and he smiled down at me.

“Want to try a spin?” He smirked as we danced.

“Do I?” I asked, unsure of myself.

He grinned and grasped my right hand tighter. “Just follow my lead.”

His voice was confident and encouraging and let myself trust him. Soon, I felt his right hand release my back and he swung me away from him and then back across his body, twisting me under his arm as he went. His arm fully extended and then pulled me back towards him and my body rotated easily back into place in front of him. It was like I’d done it a million times. I was shocked. He led effortlessly.

My eyes were bright as I looked up at him again. “Whew…” Was all I could say in my flustered state.

He grinned proudly at me. “You did wonderful. A true natural.”

I snorted quietly. “Yeah…I think you pretty much made all of that happen.”

He laughed. “No, I could tell you caught on quickly.”

“You’re a great teacher.” I smiled.

He crinkled his nose and smirked again. “Maybe I can continue to teach you every once in a while. It would be good to pass the time.”

I breathed deeply, eager to learn more, and to get more chances to be so close to him. “I’d like that.”

Aidan beamed at me. “It’s a plan then. By the time we leave this island, you’ll be a pro.” He squeezed my hand gently. I could tell he was eager to teach me – maybe only a fraction of how eager I was to learn from him – but for just a moment, I basked the mutual joy we experienced in each other’s company.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I had to research the Waltz to write this chapter, haha.


	10. Longing

I slowly opened my eyes and blinked into the daylight. Rays of sun streaked through the cracks of the shelter, falling across my face. I hadn’t needed to sleep with a shirt over my head last night, and I smiled contentedly, realizing that the lemongrass had worked. We’d tied the bunches to our bamboo wall and the entire enclosure now smelled of crisp lemon. I scratched one of my previous bug bites, and breathed a sigh of relief, glad that we’d found a solution.

I turned my head to look at the spot next to me where Aidan slept. He wasn’t there, but then again, he almost always woke before I did. I ran my fingers through my hair, replaying the previous night in my head. After we’d danced, we were both tired and went almost immediately to sleep. We had chatted for a bit first. He told me stories from his ballroom dancing days, and he listed some of the dances he’d like to show me.

He was in such a positive mood last night, and I felt like I was seeing a new side of him. I also was beginning to distinguish between my expectations of what I thought he’d be like – back when I was just a fan – and his true personality, the one he was beginning to show me now. As any fan would, I had expected a lot from him. We all have our fantasies and wonder what it would be like to meet our idols in real life. Of course we paint them in our minds as perfect humans. The thing that surprised me and caught me off guard the most was that, even though I’d discovered many of his flaws over the last two weeks, I actually admired him even more because of that. There was something about his humanity that made this all very real.

I felt myself slowly falling for him. But it didn’t feel like I was falling for the Aidan I knew before the crash. He was very real to me now, the man who I’d shared the last two weeks of my life with. He was so kind to me, and so inquisitive about my goals and aspirations. His eyes concentrated intently on me when I told stories, and when he shared some of his, I could tell he genuinely appreciated my advice. He was responsible and motivated, and he was always a gentleman with me. He’d been raised well.

Last night, when he’d asked me to dance, I couldn’t help but wonder if maybe he was showing an interest in me as well. He didn’t have to dance with me, no one made him do that. But he still offered, and I could sense that he was a bit nervous as pulled me closer.

But wondering about such things would do me no good. I sat up in our cave and rubbed my eyes, shaking my head. Surely I was just imagining it. He was 33, I was 28. Not a huge age difference, but he probably saw me as a young fangirl and thought he’d humor me with a dance.

Still, he _had_ seemed nervous. And the joke he made on the beach earlier in the day, when teased me for liking his accent…

I shook my head again and pushed open the door, stepping into the morning sunlight. The fire crackled a few meters away from me and a pile of fresh coconuts was visible nearby. I scanned the beach but did not see Aidan anywhere. He’d obviously already collected plenty of coconuts, so I wondered why he was missing. Maybe he took a walk? He occasionally did that alone, but after yesterday, I thought he might be eager for a walk together again. And he usually tried to be around when I woke up.

I picked up the coconuts and placed them in one of the larger baskets I’d weaved and then I took one and ate it quietly by the fire. Maybe he’d already told me where he’d be this morning? Had I forgotten? Was I supposed to meet him somewhere?

I tossed my empty coconut onto the fire and stood up. Rising to my toes, I peered around the rocks, still looking for him, but he was nowhere in sight. I had nothing else to occupy me, so I decided to take a walk myself. Maybe I’d run into him.

I walked along the tide, watching the waves rise and fall across the shore. I was growing fond of the sound of the sea, and it now had a calming effect on me.

It was twenty minutes before I saw Aidan. He was sitting in the sand, a few yards from the edge of the water. He had his arm resting on his knee as he stared out at the horizon.

I smiled, exited to see him again and eager to begin another day of jokes and dancing. I had a pep in my step as I walked over to him. He didn’t see me at first, but when he did, he met my eyes briefly, smiled mildly, and then turned back to the water.

“Sleep well?” He asked, not looking at me.

I crossed my legs and sat down next to him. “That lemongrass really did the trick.”

“It did, didn’t it?” He mused quietly. “I might try transplanting an entire bush to just outside the door.”

“That’s a great idea.” I smiled and looked over at him, but he still did not look at me. Not missing a beat, I continued. “I’d love to help.”

His expression did not change as he stared at the water. “That would be great. Thanks Colette.”

I frowned, not sure where his mind was this morning. He was much less jovial than yesterday.

I spoke up again. “I wondered where you’d gone this morning. What have you been doing out here?”

He blinked and looked over at me briefly, like he was suddenly shaken from a deep thought. “Oh, sorry, yeah I just needed a walk.”

I furrowed my brow, still curious as he turned his head again and studied the waves.

He continued. “I’ve been thinking about Jane.”

“Oh.” I responded quietly, looking away from him quickly and focusing on a broken seashell in front of me.

“I just wish I could tell her I’m alright. I hate this in-between time when we have no communication.” He became quiet. “Especially after the way we left things.”

I touched the rough, jagged edge of the shell, tracing it with my finger. “You miss her.” I stated simply.

Aidan looked over at me. “I do miss her.” He paused. “But differently than I thought I would.”

I looked out at the bright blue sky and scolded myself internally. Aidan was sitting here missing his girlfriend while I was imagining a future with him. I should have known better and kept my feelings under control.

In an effort to adjust my mindset, I took a deep breath and turned my thoughts to the day ahead. “It looks like it’s going to be a beautiful day. What should we do today?”

Aidan looked over at me again and smiled tightly. I didn’t like it. It was forced.

“I think I’m going to rest until later when I fish for dinner.” He responded.

I studied him for a moment. I wanted to ask him if anything was wrong, but I already knew what was. I had taken for granted the fact that I didn’t have someone to miss so deeply at home like he did. Of course he was in turmoil, longing to be with her. I scolded myself again.

We sat in silence for a few moments. I considered letting Aidan be, but I wanted to ensure he didn’t have anything else to say. A greyish-green bird with a white head flew out of a tree behind us and came to land on the sand a few meters away. We’d seen these birds a few times, but they mostly kept to themselves in the trees.

Aidan turned his focus to the bird, watching it preen its feathers. It looked to be some sort of pigeon.

“I’ve never seen any of them fly off the island.” I commented. “They seem to stay put. So I doubt there are any other islands nearby.”

Aidan was still looking at the bird. He frowned, deep in thought.

I couldn’t help it anymore. “Aidan, are you ok?”

He turned to look at me and his face became sympathetic. “Oh, yes I’m fine.” He tried to smile. “I’m just in my mind today. Don’t worry about me.”

I sighed, deciding to trust his response, and stood up from my spot. My sudden movement startled the bird and it flew back into the trees. “I’m going to gather more leaves for my baskets. See you in a bit?” I eyed him cautiously.

He smiled up at me. “Ok, be careful.”

I nodded and turned from him, walking towards the trees. I ran my hand down my face, as if trying to wipe off the uncomfortable exchange we just had. I hoped that Aidan would be in better spirits tonight, but I prepared myself for a variety of options.

I weaved in and out of plants, searching for dropped palm fronds and placing them on my back. The ground was soft and moist from a recent rain. I looked down at my muddy bare feet. I hadn’t been wearing shoes often, and my feet were beginning to toughen up in response. My hands were rough too, from carrying branches and coconuts and climbing rocks and low hanging trees. My body was adapting to the island and I knew it would continue to, until someday we might get to leave.

Out of nowhere, a bird flew from a low tree I was about to pass. It was the same species we’d seen on the beach. I stopped in place and peered into the tree it had flown from. I noticed a mess of small twigs and straw just at eye level.

I was curious, so I creeped in closer and stood on my toes to get a better look. I soon realized it was a nest and I looked inside. My eyes widened as I saw six small eggs nestled there.

My heart beat a little better. _Eggs!_ We could eat these. I was growing tired of constant fish – though I was grateful for it – and I immediately reached in and took them out, one by one. I heard the mother bird a few trees away, squawking loudly at me. I ignored her at first, but I stopped abruptly before I took the last egg. I studied the five in my hands. These were meant to be her offspring. I felt an overwhelming sense of sympathy and contemplated the situation. Aidan and I needed more nutrition, but this mother was surely eager to welcome her babies into the world. It felt silly in such a dire condition, but I left the last egg untouched. Sacrifices had to be made, but I couldn’t take them all.

“Thank you…” I whispered to the mother bird as I tiptoed away from the nest, five eggs in my cupped hands.

When I brought them back to the campsite, Aidan was sitting by the fire and I walked up to him, arms outstretched with the eggs.

His eyes lit up when he saw them. “Eggs! Where did you find them?” He took one in his hand and turned it around in his fingers.

“There was a nest not too deep into the trees. I think they came from the same bird we saw on the beach.” I smiled, glad to see him happy.

“Wow, and five? That’s great!” He smiled.

I bit my lip. “Well…there were actually six, but I left one behind.”

He looked up at me, clearly confused. “Why?”

I continued to bite my lip, embarrassed, and looked down at the eggs in my hands. “Well, the mother was nearby…” I gulped. “And she was squawking at me. I couldn’t take all of them. They’re hers and I’m sure they would hatch eventually.”

When Aidan didn’t immediately respond, I peered up at him through my lashes. He watched me with an expression of amusement, and he tried to stifle a smile.

I nodded my head guiltily. “I know, I know, it’s stupid, but I just couldn’t.”

“You’re adorable.” He replied quietly, still trying to hold back his smile.

My cheeks felt warm as I looked at him, looking at me with that expression, and then he blinked and turned away quickly.

“Well, let’s get these fried up.” He said cheerfully, standing up and not giving me a second glance.

I sat with the remaining eggs in my hands, not sure how to understand his actions, but glad he was in better spirits.

We fried the eggs on a thin stone, perched on a support system of thick sticks over the fire. They were small, but watching them slowly turn white and sizzle in the heat was a nostalgic feeling of simpler breakfasts at home.

We mixed the fried eggs with fresh caught fish that afternoon and we felt like we were eating at a five-star restaurant. It was amazing how much I didn’t even miss extra flavors and spices anymore. My taste buds were becoming much more sensitive to the unique flavors of the few foods we ate.

After we’d finished, we leaned back on our elbows, relaxing in the warm sunshine. I watched Aidan pull something from his pocket and turn it around in his fingers. It initially appeared to be a small, triangular shaped stone.

“What is that?” I asked, leaning towards him and studying it closer.

“A shark tooth.” He replied, examining it carefully. “I found it on the beach this morning.”

“Wow…” I breathed. “That’s a rare find.”

“Indeed.” He replied. “I’m trying to figure out how we might be able to use it.”

I considered it’s use for a moment. “Well, it’s sharp. There are probably many uses.”

Aidan turned the tooth over one last time in his palm and then placed it back in his pocket. “I’ll keep thinking on it.” He reached around his neck and pulled his sweat-drenched strands of hair away from his skin. “Having this much hair on a humid tropical island isn’t ideal.” He laughed and twisted his hair into a bun.

“Does it help when you pull it up?” I asked, considering his discomfort.

“Sure it does,” He replied, sitting up and wiping his forehead. “But it’s not convenient.”

I frowned, wishing I could do something, and then I thought about the scissors in my cosmetic bag. Gazing at his dark, loose curls, I hesitated, not wanting to suggest such an idea. I loved his longer hair and the way it blew wildly in the breeze. But I also knew that my opinion of his hairstyle was low on his list of priorities, so I spoke up.

“I have those scissors in my bag…” I suggested.

He looked over at me, suddenly interested. “I’m supposed to keep it long for filming the next series of Poldark, but I think being stranded on an island is a good enough excuse. Would you…cut it?”

My eyes widened. “Me?” I was shocked. “I don’t have the slightest idea how to cut hair.”

He laughed. “I don’t think anyone here is going to judge you on your skills. I just want it shorter. I’d be grateful if you did. I’m not coordinated enough to do it myself.”

I stared at him for a moment, assessing my options. I knew nothing about cutting men’s hair, and I almost wanted to decline because I certainly preferred his longer, but getting the chance to cut it meant I’d get to run my fingers through it. If anything motivated me forward, that would be it.

“I can give it a try.” I replied tentatively.

“Great.” He grinned. “Do you want to give it a go now?”

I took a deep breath and raised an eyebrow. “Are you ready to say goodbye to a decent haircut?”

He smirked. “You’ll do fine. I trust you.”

“Be careful with that trust.” I replied sarcastically as I retreated to get my scissors from my bag.

When I returned, he had taken his hair back down and he was sitting, cross legged next to the fire, waiting for me.

I kneeled down in front of him with my scissors. “So, how do you want it?”

“However you see fit.” He smiled at me.

I squinted at him. “However _I_ see fit? It’s _your_ hair.”

“Yes, but you’re the one who has to look at it.” He laughed.

I cracked a grin. He was all too right. “Yes, I suppose so.”

I scooted closer to him and looked at him straight on. I could feel his eyes on me, and it made me nervous. I bravely took my hands and smoothed the sides of his hair backwards, envisioning a style. “Maybe shorter on the sides and a bit longer on top?”

“Sounds great.” He responded, clearly carefree about the situation.

My fingers traced his soft curls as I pinned them backwards with my hands. There was a tension in the air between us as I touched him.

I briefly glanced into his eyes and my heartbeat increased. The sunlight was bright this afternoon and it caused them to appear much lighter, almost hazel. I took a deep breath and pulled my hands away.

I picked up the small scissors and then took a lock of his hair in my other hand. I held it for a moment, planning my approach. Positioning the scissors against the hair, I paused one last time. “Are you sure about this?”

He chuckled. “Yes. It’s just hair. It will grow back.”

I took a deep breath and closed the scissors over the section of hair and watched a chunk of dark curls fall to the ground.

“No going back now.” I laughed.

Aidan smirked and closed his eyes patiently. I continued to cut, making my way around his head. It was much easier when he had his eyes closed. I felt less watched, but also much less distracted.

It was a cathartic experience, creating something new. Each dark curl that fell into the sand represented one of my old observations of him, before I knew him personally. They fell to the ground like old memories, ill-formed and underestimated. The Aidan that sat with me now was someone I’d grown close to and felt a connection with. Regardless of anything else, I knew we’d have a special bond for the rest of our lives.

When I felt like I’d just about finished, I came to kneel in front of him again. I touched my fingers to his hair, running them through it and pulling gently on some of the strands to evaluate the length. As I did, my eyes wandered down to his face. His eyes were still closed, and I took the opportunity to admire his face. His dark eyebrows pointed towards a straight nose, and his perfect lips were surrounded by what was now a full beard, and even through that, I could see his strong jawline.

One of his curls on top cascaded onto his forehead and he suddenly opened his eyes. I blinked and looked back towards his hair quickly, realizing he’d caught me staring.

I cleared my throat. “I think this looks good.”

He raised his hands to his head and ran his fingers through his hair, testing it out. “I think it feels great. Thank you, Colette.” He smiled at me and then I watched his expression become calculated again. It was almost as if he was trying to hide his emotions as much as I was.

I sat back and studied him. I actually hadn’t done half bad. While I loved his longer hair, the shorter look suited him, and I smiled, content with my work.

“You’re welcome.” I replied confidently and then stood up to return my scissors to their bag. I stopped just inside our cave and let out a long sigh. My feelings were real – very real – and my struggle to disregard them was continuing to become more difficult. But, for him, for Jane, and for my own wellbeing, I had to suppress them to the best of my abilities. I breathed deeply again and turned to rejoin him on the beach.


	11. Considerations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you all so much for your thoughtful and kind comments! Every single one of them brings a smile to my face and inspires me to continue this story and discover where Aidan and Colette's journey will take them!

Another full week passed. I was beginning to forget what it even felt like to live with modern conveniences. Here on our island, in our own little world, we struggled daily, but we also thrived in a way I’d never expected. While we didn’t eat much, we ate clean, and I felt my body responding to that. I was beginning to feel stronger. With fish, coconuts, the addition of occasional eggs as well as a green leafy seaweed we’d discovered – Aidan claimed he remembered it from one of the Primitive YouTube videos he’d watched, and we tried it tentatively – our diets were becoming more well-rounded.

Even though I felt healthier, I also felt so much more physically drained. It was amazing what hard work did to the body. Every night, we both collapsed onto the ground of our cave, falling asleep almost immediately.

The mornings and the evenings were my favorite. Aidan and I usually spent time sitting by the fire, chatting and exchanging stories. I’d shared stories from my childhood in Wisconsin and my life as a project manager. He’d told me what it was like to film Poldark and Being Human, filling me in on secrets from behind the scenes. He described to me the beauty of New Zealand, the destination our flight never made it to.

I was intrigued, watching him intently as he talked about his life. It was so much grander than mine. He’d been around the globe and had met so many amazing people. I’d barely been out of the country. But somehow, we found common ground on so many levels. It was beginning to feel like I’d known him for months, not weeks. Time passed differently here on the island. When you’re alone with just one person, the relationship – whether it be friendship or more – progresses much more quickly.

Aidan’s mood had varied over the last week. Sometimes, I would see a glimmer of interest in his eyes, and I would have a momentary feeling of excitement followed by another feeling of guilt. Other days, he’d talk about Jane and I could sense that he was struggling. I’d like to say, for her sake, that I felt better when he was being more introspective, thinking about her, but I was beginning to admit to myself that I wanted nothing more than for him to develop feelings for me.

This morning, I watched as Aidan etched another mark onto our cave wall.

When he’d finished, he sighed. “Three weeks. Hard to believe.”

I stood next to his tall frame and stared at the wall. “When I woke up on the sand that first day, and saw you for the first time, I never would have thought we’d be here this long.”

Aidan sighed and then turned to leave the cave, but he looked over his shoulder as he went. “I don’t think I ever asked you, what did you think of me before we met?” There was a hint of mischief in his voice.

I hesitated and followed him out. “What do you mean?”

I knew exactly what he meant.

He sat down by the fire and looked up at me. “Just curious.” He grinned. “You knew of me before. You must have had some opinion.”

I tried to play his game, smirking and sitting down next to him. “Well, yes I was a fan, so of course I had a good opinion.” I raised an eyebrow at him, challenging him to push me further.

“Fair enough.” His expression was playful, but he didn’t push. I secretly wished he would have. “Am I much like you expected?”

I tilted my head, studying him. “Yes and no. You’re…” I paused, trying to find the right words. “You’re more…real.”

He smiled warmly at me. “This whole adventure is very real.”

I pressed my lips together, thinking about the future. “What if they never find us?”

“They’ll find us.” Aidan responded softly.

“But what if that’s not for a long time? What if it’s not for months… or years?” It terrified me to even say it.

Aidan frowned and rubbed his jaw. “Then we’ll figure things out as they come. We’ve made it this far.”

I took a deep breath and pulled my knees to my chest, resting my chin on them. “I think we make a pretty good team.”

I saw Aidan’s mouth turn up at one corner. He looked at me. “I think we do too.”

We sat in silence for a moment before I peered over at him. He was staring at the flames, eyes unblinking. I longed to know what was deep inside his head.

I decided to dig a little. “Aside from the fact that we’re stranded, do you enjoy the peace and quiet here, or are you missing being back home?”

He lifted his chin and thought for a moment. “Had I never had this experience; I might have a different answer. But now that I’m here, it’s proven to be more cathartic that I would have expected.”

I watched him intently, waiting for him to continue.

He traced his finger through the sand absentmindedly. “I’m usually busy all the time. I push myself to take on more projects than I can handle sometimes. And…” He paused. “I put my all into them. But it takes a toll.” He sighed. “I’d forgotten what it was like to let myself relax and reflect. There is a lot of thinking to be done.”

I gazed at him with respect and gratitude for revealing his emotions. “There sure is a lot of time to think here. Have you come to any new realizations?”

He looked at me briefly, considering my question, and then turned back towards the fire. “I think I was already beginning to realize this before, but I think I need to slow down and just appreciate life for what it is. Being here, away from it all, really puts things into perspective. I already prefer to avoid social media, which I think has been a hint to myself that I’m not interested in a drama-filled, extravagant lifestyle.”

I bit my lip, knowing what he was thinking. “But Jane is.” I said the words for him.

He rubbed his forehead and sighed. “She is. She always has been.”

“What drew you to her in the first place then?”

He took a deep breath. “Well, back then, almost seven months ago when we met, I thought I could still live that lifestyle.” He paused and looked at me. “I did it for a while in my twenties. It was fun for a bit. Parties, expensive gifts…” He waited a beat. “Women.”

I gulped and looked down at my hands.

Aidan continued. “I think I thought I could find joy in that way of life again, but I quickly found out I was wrong. It was a fruitless way to go about living.”

I peered up at him and he shook his head and laughed. “I’m sorry, I know you don’t relate to this in any way.”

I felt bad that he was laughing at himself. These were serious emotions he was uncovering, and I respected him deeply. “No, no, I appreciate you sharing with me.” I smiled at him sincerely. “I can sympathize, but you’re right, I can’t completely relate because…well, I never really went through that stage in my life. I’ve never craved a fast-paced lifestyle or extravagant things.” I laughed at myself now. “Pft, I’ve always wanted to go live in the mountains of Colorado, away from the world.”

Aidan’s eyes were kind and thoughtful as he listened to me. “I know you do.” His voice was sincere. “That stunned me the first time you told me…to know that you’ve always been mature enough to see that. I’m, what, five years older than you and I’m just now discovering those feelings and ideals? You’ve been on that page your whole life.”

I felt my breath shake a little as he complimented me so kindly. It was flattering to hear him say such nice things about me. We gazed at each other for a moment.

He continued. “So, in your happy little future in the Colorado mountains, do you have a family? A dog? A cat? What’s the ideal for you?”

I bit my lip. Now it was my turn to expose my dreams. “I want all of it.” I smiled. “A marriage, a family, a home… I want comfort and security. I just want to grow old with someone I can call my best friend.” I paused and smiled to myself. “It’s a bit boring and traditional-sounding, I suppose.”

Aidan was watching me intently with his chin resting on his palm. “I don’t think it sounds boring at all.” He grinned. “I think when I started to gain fame, I wrote off any sense of normalcy in my life, but I don’t think I realized it could still be attainable. I’d like to settle down with just one person, and develop that deep connection; the kind of connection you can only get from spending decades together.” He took a deep breath. “Someday, when I have it, it’ll be a balance, of course. I don’t want to give up acting. I have such a passion for it. But I think I could make it work with the right priorities.”

I smiled. “Maybe if we get out of here safely, this won’t have been such a bad experience for you? You seem to have learned a lot about yourself.”

He grinned. “Aye, I have.”

I beamed at him. It was an interesting experience to hear him expose some of his dreams; dreams he didn’t even know he had. It was even more interesting to hear that many of his dreams were the same as mine.

Aidan took a deep breath and pushed himself up from the ground. “One thing I didn’t need to learn about myself though, was that I like to be creative.” He stepped over behind one of the large boulders surrounding our beach. “I have something to show you.”

I watched him curiously as he bent down to pick something up. When he appeared back in sight, he held in front of him a long, thin, straight stick. On one end were three feathers, tied tightly and evenly, and on the other end, was the pointed shark tooth he’d found last week.

He grinned at me as he pulled from behind his back a large, curved stick, thicker than the last one, with a long string of what looked like twine, connecting the ends.

My eyes widened as I realized what he’d made. “A bow and arrow…” I breathed.

He smiled proudly and turned the bow around in his hands, admiring his work.

“The shark tooth…” I mused. “Can I see?”

He held the arrow out to me, and I took it from him, studying his work. He’d fastened the tooth tightly to the end of the stick. I touched my finger to it. The point was sharp and strong.

I handed it back to him. “This is great. What are you going to hunt?”

“Have you seen those larger birds that wander around the grasslands on the other side of the island?”

I nodded, remembering them vaguely.

“I’ve been studying their habits. They’re slow and lazy. I think I might get a hit on one of them.”

“Have you tried yet?” I asked.

“Not on a live bird. I’ve been practicing though.” He continued to study his work.

“Do you know how to use it well? And does it work the way you want it?” I inquired.

He chuckled. “It’s a little rough, but luckily, I have some experience.”

His eyes met mine with a twinkle, and suddenly it hit me. “Kili…” I whispered, flooded with memories of his archery skills from his extensive filming of the Hobbit movies.

He grinned at my realization. “It’s been a bit of time, of course, but I still remember enough.”

My mouth was still slightly agape. “Can I see…?” I desperately needed to see.

Aidan laughed. “Sure, come on.” He motioned for me to follow him out past the large rocks and onto an adjacent, wider, sandy beach.

He took a large piece of soft driftwood and placed it in the sand. Then he used his knife to trace a bullseye in the center. Next, he backed up a dozen or so meters and I stepped aside to give him room. I watched him position the arrow onto the crude bow and neatly between his fingers. He closed one eye and lifted the bow into the air.

I was slightly giddy as I watched him take his stance, line up his target and slowly pull the arrow backwards. His shoulders were tight and strong as he held the string taut. He was focused and calculated as he took his last breath before releasing the string and the arrow.

The arrow flew through the air and buried itself into the driftwood. He relaxed his position and I clapped, seeing that the arrow had landed inside the third ring in his bullseye. “That was great!”

He walked to the arrow and pulled it free. “It was alright.” He doubted himself, studying the tip of the tooth. “I’ll need to be more accurate for a kill.”

I studied the contraption. “Is it difficult with a makeshift bow?”

He looked up at me and I saw an idea flash past his eyes. “Do you want to try?” He held the bow towards me.

I hesitated. “I don’t think I’d be very good at it.” I took a step backwards nervously.

Aidan beckoned me forwards. “It’s alright, I’ll show you. Come on.”

I raised an eyebrow at him and stepped forward reluctantly. “I don’t want to break it.” I said, taking it from his hand.

Aidan laughed. “You won’t break it.”

He helped me position the bow correctly in my hands. Every time his fingers touched my skin, a jolt of electricity coursed through my veins.

When my hands were in the right places, he came to stand behind me. I felt the close presence of his body behind mine as he placed the arrow in my fingers. I took a deep breath, trying to concentrate but failing miserably.

“Ok, line it up…right there.” His face was inches from my cheek and I felt his breath on my ear as he spoke. Shivers poured down my spine and goosebumps rose on my neck. I hoped he didn’t notice.

He lifted my arms up and helped me to aim at the bullseye. I could barely breathe and could almost hear my loudly beating heart as I felt the warmth of Aidan’s body behind mine. I wasn’t even close to focusing on aiming at this point.

“Close one eye and get your aim right.” Aidan said quietly before backing away from me. I immediately missed his closeness. “Take a breath and release the arrow as you release your breath.”

I bit my lip, trying to clear my mind and focus on the task at hand. I squinted my eye and lined the arrow up with the target. Taking a deep breath, I poised myself to release it, and then let out my breath and pulled my fingers from the string.

The arrow soared through the air, and for a moment I thought it might make contact, but instead, it flew completely over the driftwood and landed softly in the sand behind it.

I dropped the bow to my side and laughed, shaking my head.

Aidan stepped towards me and placed his hand on my shoulder. “No, that was great!”

I looked up at him and he was grinning.

“You were a little high, but horizontally, you lined it up perfectly.” He smiled. “You’ll be a pro in no time.”

“Well, thanks, I guess.” I laughed, handing him back the bow.

“I’m going to practice a bit more, I think. Tomorrow I might be ready to try it for real.” Aidan said as he walked to retrieve the arrow.

I walked a few yards from him and plopped myself down in the sand, poised to watch.

Aidan looked at me out of the corner of his eye. “You’re going to watch me practice?”

I smiled, clasping my hands in front of me. “Yeah, why not?”

A lopsided grin graced his face. “Alright, if that’s what makes ya happy.”

“It does indeed.” I locked eyes with him intentionally; a playful grin on my face. He didn’t look away, and I saw the realization in his expression. He knew why I wanted to watch him, and I was glad he did.


	12. Guilt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Over 1000 hits! Thank you SO MUCH! When I started writing this, I never imagined it would gain so many readers, and each and every one of you inspire and encourage me to continue this story :)
> 
> This chapter might have been my favorite to write so far. It's such an important point in their journey and I hope you enjoy it :)

Real meat was beyond incredible. After a few days of unsuccessful attempts, Aidan finally shot one of the plump birds he’d expected to be so lazy. Turns out, they weren’t as lazy as he’d thought. Plus, his makeshift bow was difficult to be extremely accurate with. But one day, he came back to the campsite, holding his catch proudly out to me.

We plucked it and cooked it over the fire that morning. It tasted like chicken. I watched Aidan finish every bit of meat off the bones, licking his lips. He was proud of his success, and I smiled at him. He needed the confidence that came from providing, and I could see that it raised his spirits immensely.

He took a deep breath and sat back, throwing the last of the bones onto the fire. “That was…exquisite.”

I laughed. “It was a nice change from the fish. And I’m super impressed. Think what you could do if you had a proper bow.”

He smiled. “I sure am going to appreciate the proper things in life when we get back. Might go out and buy myself a spear and an archery set.”

I laughed and then swallowed nervously. He always spoke of us leaving the island as “when” and not “if.” I wished I had the confidence he had. I knew that, odds were, we’d be discovered eventually, but the question in mind was if we’d survive long enough. Sickness, accidents, who knew what could happen? We had no doctors and no first aid, apart from the partial tube of antibiotic ointment. Even that we’d been using frequently for small scrapes and cuts. It wouldn’t last forever

Aidan scratched his dark beard, staring up towards the bright sun. It was an extraordinarily hot day today with almost no breeze, and we were both sweating. Our bodies were tanned and used to the rays, but the heat was still sometimes inescapable.

He looked towards our shelter with an expression of contemplation. “I wonder if my electric razor still has any charge left…this beard isn’t doing me any favors in this heat.”

I watched him intently. His beard had grown fast. The man had no lack of hair, that was for sure. But my mind flashed back to the day when we’d arrived on the island, when he’d just shown a bit of stubble. I was a sucker for that look on him, and I wouldn’t mind if he reverted back to that.

“I’m going to give it a look.” He stood up and walked towards the cave. I sent up a prayer that the charge was still there.

“I’m going to go for a swim.” I said, fanning myself in the heat.

“Sure, I’ll join in a bit. Hopefully I don’t come back with half a beard.” Aidan laughed.

I grinned. “See you in a few.”

Walking down to the water, I removed my shirt and shorts. These days, I always wore my bathing suit underneath – luckily, I’d brought one on my trip. I stepped into the crystal-clear, turquoise waters. They were truly beautiful. Most would die to go on a vacation to a place as gorgeous as this. I tried, with some success, to enjoy it for what it was.

When I’d waded in up to my waist, I traced my fingers across the glass surface of the water. I thought about Aidan and the deeper conversations we’d been having lately. We were beginning to become so comfortable with each other. And we weren’t afraid to share our dreams and aspirations. It felt strange to know him so personally now, after seeing him through the media’s eye for so long. He was almost a different person to me.

I thought back to my relationship with Caleb. In the year and a half that we’d been together, I wasn’t even sure we’d spoken so deeply. We had our moments, but Caleb wasn’t as interested in the art of communication. He was more interested in the next football game or the seemingly countless number of extra hours he needed to put in at work to “stay on top.” I shook my head, trying to remember what I saw in him.

“The water is warm today, i’nt it?”

Aidan’s voice was directly behind me and I spun around in the water, surprised by his sudden presence. My eyes landed on his grinning face, and for a moment, I was completely speechless. His beard was gone. All that remained was a short, faint stubble. He looked exactly like he had when I’d woken up weeks ago, apart from his shorter hair. In that instant, I was transported back to the nervous demeanor I’d had when I’d first seen him after the crash.

I gulped, trying to tear my eyes from him, but failing miserably.

He didn’t break eye contact either as he continued to grin. “So…the razor still works, turns out.”

“So it does…” I breathed. He was intoxicating in this state. Any restraint I’d previously had on my feelings was hopeless now.

He smirked and waded past me, deeper into the water. It took me that long to realize that he was also shirtless. I’d been so focused on his face that I hadn’t even noticed. Seeing him shirtless was less of a rarity anymore, but today, adjacent to his cleanly shaven face, he was almost impossible not to look at.

He sunk into the water, up to his neck, and turned to me. “You coming in?”

I licked my lips unconsciously and sank into the water myself, moving closer to him. His jawline was so much more pronounced now and I couldn’t stop staring.

“Ok, so I’ve got two questions for you.” Aidan grinned, bobbing in the water in front of me.

“Oh, _do_ you?” I raised an eyebrow playfully.

“Yes, in an effort to see the positives, what’s been the best part of your experience here so far?”

I watched him for a moment, trying to decide how to answer. The best part, hands down, had been the fact that he was there with me. I pondered my response, still gazing at him without control. I decided to play it off as a joke. “Apart from you?” I smirked.

The grin that spread across his face was warm and he was clearly flattered.

I continued. “I’d have to say…the peace, the calm, not having to deal with the stressors of typical life. Sure, we have our own to deal with, but somehow, they’re almost more manageable.”

“Good answer.” He smiled. “You’re very right. It’s almost like these struggles hold more meaning, and are therefore more worth our time.”

I nodded, keeping a few feet between us as I felt the soft waves guiding me towards him. His response told me that he understood me well, and that he felt the same appreciation for our situation.

His eyes gazed intently into mine. “So, that leads me to my next question. Among our struggles, which do you feel would be most appreciated if solved? Or what could we add to our temporary life here that would bring you more happiness?”

I looked at him quizzically. “What do you mean? Something to add?”

I noticed him step just a bit closer to me. His eyes still locked with mine. “I mean…” He paused. “For example, what could I do to make your life easier, happier?” His expression was intensely focused on me, and a saw a glimmer of something in his eyes that I hadn’t seen before.

I felt my heartrate increase slightly in response to his kind words. “I don’t know…” I replied in a small voice. I wasn’t even thinking about the immense happiness he’d bring me if he were to develop feelings for me, because I knew that’s not what he was referring to, he was simply asking what he could do to make my life easier, and I didn’t know how to respond to such sincerity.

“You don’t know?” He replied, taking another step towards me. “You can’t think of anything?”

I couldn’t take my eyes away from his. I was barely breathing now. “No, I just…” I paused. My voice was quiet and unsure. “No one has ever asked me that before.”

Aidan furrowed his brow. “Surely that can’t be true? Of course Caleb must have…”

I shook my head. “Caleb didn’t take much interest in my deeper needs. He was too busy with work and his own hobbies.”

Aidan’s expression fell, and he pulled his eyebrows together again. He pondered for a moment before responding. “That’s an awful shame. You should be…” His voice was low and quiet. “…cherished and adored…” He paused and his eyes stared deeply into mine. “Not taken for granted…”

I briefly wondered if I’d lost my ability to breathe. I felt intoxicated by his words and I knew he intended them to be that way. I actively forced myself to take a breath as I stared back at him. After a moment of silence, I whispered in return. “I don’t know what to say…”

“Well, then it’s my job to make you more comfortable in sharing your thoughts with me.” His voice was deep and sincere.

I blushed and looked down into the clear waters. I could see my hands, clasped nervously in front of me.

“Like whether you think shaving was the stupidest use of batteries on a deserted island?” He said from in front of me, a touch of humor in his voice.

I cracked a grin and looked back up at him. “I think it was a _great_ use of batteries.”

“So, the clean shave, or the Irish accent; which makes you happiest?” A wide smirk spread across his face as he teased me, knowingly.

I failed to stifle my smile and respond to his tease by quickly pushing a surge of water towards him playfully. It splashed up onto his face and he blinked, shocked by my brave action.

“Aye, I see, this is how you want to play it?” His tone was playfully stern, and he caught me off guard by sending back a small splash of water my way.

I wiped my face and laughed. “Is that all you’ve got?”

“Is that a challenge?” He tilted his head down and looked at me through his eyebrows.

I held his gaze defiantly, not believing he’d do anything further, but when he suddenly stepped towards me, I squealed and tried to back up. But his hand grabbed mine firmly and he pulled me further into the water before splashing me again. Our laughter echoed in the silence of the vast waters around us.

Stunned by his forwardness, I sent a larger surge back towards him, completely soaking his hair. He laughed and sank below the surface briefly to smooth his curls. When he returned back to the surface, his face was less than a foot from mine.

I continued to laugh as we both treaded water. His hand still held onto mine and I soon began to realize that he was no longer laughing, but instead, staring directly at me with that same expression I hadn’t seen from him yet. I stopped laughing and cleared my throat nervously. Water dripped down his face and his honey-colored eyes watched me with what I could only interpret as desire.

My breathing was shallow as I stared back at him. I wasn’t yet ready to believe that feelings may be present on his side, but his expression was giving me good reason to. It was as if the waters were coaxing us closer. He was mere inches away now, and I could see him breathe slowly and deliberately as he searched my face for permission. I finally knew, for the first time, that my feelings were reciprocated, and I leaned my head ever so slightly towards him in response. My mind went numb and also fired on a million cylinders at the same time, as he started to close the last of the distance between us.

But just before our lips touched, he tilted his head down and rested his forehead against mine. He closed his eyes and pulled his eyebrows together. “I’m sorry…” He whispered. “I can’t…”

I blinked and pulled away from him, instantly embarrassed. Had I lead him on?

He backed away slowly, shaking his head. “I just…I can’t…” His eyes opened and he looked at me. There was a sort of tortured pain behind them.

I ran my hand through my hair, nervously. “Oh, um…I’m sorry.” My voice was shaking.

He turned to swim back to shore. “No, no, this isn’t your fault.” His voice was sad as he reached ground and began wading back up towards the beach.

I hesitated, immensely confused and out of sorts, and then followed him.

I pulled my eyebrows together, bewildered by his actions. When we reached land, he walked up the beach, dripping wet, and leaned against one of the boulders, running his hand through his slick hair. “That was unfair to you, Colette, I’m sorry.” He looked up at me again with remorse.

I tentatively stopped next to him and leaned against the same rock. I looked up at his face, trying to understand.

He wiped his hand down his face. “This is…this is very difficult for me. I…” He paused. “You…”

He was having trouble articulating his thoughts and I frowned, wishing I could help.

He took a breath and continued. “I want to…But Jane…”

He paused and I looked down at my feet, knowing where his thoughts were headed.

“She’s out there thinking I’m dead…” He gestured loosely towards the sea. “She’s still grieving…I already had one foot out the door on that relationship, but this is not fair to her. There was no closure. As far as she’s concerned, if I’m still alive, we’re very much still together.” His eyes were distressed as he looked at me. “And…this is so unfair towards you too. I let my feelings grow. I shouldn’t have led you on. I’m so sorry.”

I barely knew how to respond, but he gazed pleadingly at me, as if searching for an answer. So, I took a deep breath and answered in the best way I could. “Aidan…for so many reasons, this whole situation, ever since the crash, has been cruel to us in endless ways. I don’t want to add another cruelty to the list. I respect you for respecting Jane, and I would never ask or expect you to adjust your morals for my sake. So please do not be sorry.”

I took a deep breath, realizing that what I had to say next was not the truth, but that it must be said. “I’ll be fine. Please don’t worry about me. This was a longshot in my head from the start, and I won’t be crushed knowing that it’ll remain a longshot.”

His expression was somber as he listened to my words. He closed and opened his eyes slowly, trying to accept and navigate the situation and his own thoughts.

I gulped, trying to swallow the lie I’d just told. I was surely crushed to pieces. To have been so close to something I’d desired for so long, and now craved on an even deeper emotional level, and then to have it ripped away from me in just a few seconds, I wasn’t sure how I’d recover. But I couldn’t let Aidan wrestle with his guilt like this. Just as he’d been so kind and supportive of me, I had to do the same for him and ensure that he needn’t worry about my feelings.

Feeling like the wind had been knocked out of me, I gently placed my hand on his shoulder and forced myself to smile up at him encouragingly before stepping away and leaving him to his own thoughts.


	13. Respect

There is a specific kind of pain you feel when your intense desires are almost reached, only to be pulled from you so quickly. It feels like drowning in a pool of molasses. You’ve just reached the surface and then it sucks you down into its sticky depths again.

I walked methodically away from Aidan, passing our campsite and continuing into the trees. I needed to be on my own for a bit, to collect my thoughts and move forward in a way that I could support and respect him.

I stumbled over a few branches, still in shock from the whole ordeal. I tried to contain my emotions to the best of my abilities, but when I knew I was deep enough into the island that he wouldn’t find me easily, my body gave up and I felt a knot form in my throat. I fell to my knees and brought my hand to my forehead, trying to blink back tears.

I was embarrassed. For knowing Jane existed and still reciprocating his teases and leading him on. For not shutting him down sooner. For leaning into him when I knew he was losing restraint.

I was heartbroken. For the closeness that we’d almost had, that we would now surely never experience again. For the pain that he was going through. For the guilt he had to suffer.

I was scared. For the unknown future of our time on this island. For the inevitable awkwardness between us. For the torture I’d have to endure every time his eyes would meet mine, knowing we had been so close…

I wiped my eyes and took a deep, shaking breath, trying to compose myself. It was silly, really, crying over something that I never really had. But I hung my head, knowing that regardless, it would take me awhile to recover. And with Aidan in my presence every day, and the only person I could interact with, I knew it would take even longer.

My mind drifted back to his face in the water and the way he’d looked at me. There was no question that his eyes told me his feelings were real. I closed my eyes, and imagined what it might have felt like if he hadn’t changed his mind, and his lips _had_ gently touched mine. I’d wanted it so badly, to experience a new kind of intimacy with him. It felt like we’d become so connected on an emotional level…I wanted more.

I sighed and leaned against a tree. I looked up at the crisscross of branches above me. They weaved in an out of one another, just like our lives, connecting and disconnecting, sometimes almost touching, but never quite making it.

Exhausted from the day, I realized I was suddenly very thirsty. Nearby, I spotted a coconut on the ground. I crawled over to it, tore off the husk and then dug a sharp rock into the shell. I’d become quick and skilled with this task and it posed no difficultly for me anymore. I brought the coconut to my lips and drained it into into my mouth, just like I always did, but this time, something wasn’t right. I spewed the foul liquid onto the ground in front of me and gagged. This coconut was far from fresh and I scolded myself for being so careless to not check it first. I coughed, trying to clear the taste from my mouth. I’d swallowed some of it though, and just knowing it was in my stomach made me queasy.

I leaned back against the tree and pulled my eyebrows together in disgust. Trying to put the bad taste out of my mind, I thought about Aidan’s relationship with Jane. He was clearly questioning it more than ever now, and I wondered if he would ever be able to let her go, knowing that maybe at some point, she would let him go too. It was so respectful, the way he wanted to stay faithful to her, but it made my heart ache for him even more. He was a good man, and I wanted him to stay true to his word, but at the same time, I desperately longed for him to change his mind.

Here, in the middle of the trees, the persistent mosquitos started to become too much, and I stood up, deciding to go somewhere else to think. Rubbing my uncomfortable stomach, I walked towards the beach where Aidan and I had washed up. Before I stepped out from the trees, I peered around to make sure Aidan wasn’t there. When I didn’t see him, I walked out onto the beach and sat down in the sand. I let my toes just barely touch the incoming waves.

I thought about how much had changed since I’d boarded that plane, now a month ago. I’d arrived at the airport, looking at an Instagram photo of Aidan in LA, wondering if I might catch a glimpse of him, and now I’d spent many weeks in only his presence. I’d learned who he truly was in the deepest parts of his character, and I’d developed real, true feelings for him. And somehow, by some sort of miracle, or sheer luck, he had developed feelings for me too.

I wondered what we’d do now. How would we go on, as the great team that we knew we were, after the exchange we’d just had? I dug my toes into the wet sand, watching the water pool around them.

At some point, while I sat in contemplation, I sensed a presence behind me, and I took a deep breath as Aidan quietly came to sit beside me. I didn’t look at him right away. I continued to stare out at the water. He was silent as well, and I knew he was considering his words.

We sat like that for a few minutes, both in our own thoughts, connected only by our shared feelings of bittersweet sorrow.

When he finally spoke up, his voice was quiet. “You must think me an absolute jerk right now.”

I took a deep, labored breath. “No, I don’t think that at all.”

“I wish I could explain…”

I interrupted him gently. “You don’t need to explain. I understand completely.”

I heard him sigh next to me. “This wasn’t what I was expecting at all. I like you very much, Colette. If this were any other situation, I would be speaking to Jane right now, sorting this out.”

I closed my eyes hopelessly. “If this were any other situation, we never would have met, and if we did, things would have never gone this far. This is a unique situation that couldn’t be duplicated anywhere else.”

“I think I would have felt this way about you no matter where we met.” His voice was quiet.

I turned my head and looked at him with skepticism. “I highly doubt that.”

He frowned. His eyes were sorrowful and contemplative. “I have to disagree… However, we likely wouldn’t have had the chance to really get to know each other had we not been forced to here. This is a situation that’s let me understand myself more completely, and has let me see you more clearly and intimately.”

I breathed slowly, watching him try to explain his feelings. But I barely wanted to hear them, because I didn’t want to bear the pain of knowing how strongly he felt.

However, he continued. “Regardless of whether or not I would have met you and gotten to know you in another version of this life, it _has_ happened here. And it’s caught me off guard in so many ways. I only wish the circumstances were different.”

“But they’re not.” I sighed, looking back at my feet. “And I’ve accepted that. I even respect that. When I think of Jane, I realize how much she must miss you. I understand her. I understand what she’s seen in you.” I looked up at him again and he was watching me sincerely. “She’s a lucky woman.”

Aidan frowned. “I hope you know how much I wish…”

I stopped him again, tortured at the prospect of hearing the rest. “Please, just don’t say anything. We’re going to be here, alone, for who knows how much longer. I can’t bear to hear any more.” I paused, locking eyes with him. “I’ll be honest. I wanted this. I wanted it a lot. I wanted it before I ever met you. It was different then, I admire you on such a deeper level now, but nonetheless, I’ve wanted this for a long time.”

I almost thought I noticed a hint of moistness in his eyes, but I shifted my pained expression to a more hopeful one. “But, we’re a good team, and I think we can still be if we let this go. You deserve a clear conscience, and I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize that.”

Aidan’s face was still solemn, so I continued. “You asked me what you could do to make me happier… I don’t want to be the cause of extra stress for you on this island. We need to focus on our survival. I’ll be happy if you’re happy. So, if staying faithful to Jane is what makes you happiest, then…you keep at it, and I’ll follow in whatever direction you take.”

Aidan closed his eyes and leaned his head back on his shoulders, clearly at a loss for words. For an instant, I saw another one of his characters in his features. He was Mitchell, trying to navigate his choices; finding a balance between both his morals and his desires. After a moment, he tilted his head back down and looked at me. He hesitated before whispering softly. “Thank you…”

Realizing that he really truly had chosen to remain faithful to Jane and that I had to accept that, just as I promised, I replied with a tight-lipped smile and stood up from my spot, choosing not to pursue the conversation any further. “Well, I’m going to go get something to eat. I’m not hungry, but I know I should.”

Aidan stood up slowly behind me. “I haven’t much of an appetite either, but you’re right. Are you ok with fish today? I’m not sure I have the patience for hunting.”

I turned to face him, wishing he could really see how much I appreciated him. “Of course, Aidan, I’m always grateful for whatever you’re able to provide.” I smiled at him, more genuinely this time.

***

Later that evening, we both laid down on the floor of our cave. We usually chatted briefly before falling asleep, but tonight we were silent. I hated it. I hated every second of the awkwardness that had plagued us throughout the day. We didn’t know how to exist around each other in this way. Ever since we’d arrived, our relationship had slowly built into something more – a little more teasing, a little more flirting each day. But to go from that, to cordial friends, was not an easy transition. It was exhausting and it was depressing.

My stomach hurt. I wondered if my emotions were so high that my body was now experiencing pain. I turned my head to look at Aidan. He was laying on his back, staring at the ceiling. The moonlight that peaked through the cracks in the door fell across his eyes, illuminating them softly. I let out a sigh and closed my eyes, trying to think of anything other than the imaginary sensation of his lips on mine. But I was failing. All I could focus my sleepy thoughts on was the image of his face so close to mine, the soft waves coaxing us together, and the look of desire in his eyes. I drifted off, as slowly as the waves had lulled us earlier that day.

The next time my eyes flew open, I looked over at Aidan, who was now rolled over, facing away from me. I furrowed my brow, trying to figure out why I had woken up so abruptly, and then suddenly, a wave of pain pierced my abdomen. I sat up, clutching my stomach. It was a deep, ringing pain in my stomach, unlike anything I’d felt before.

And then the nausea hit me.

I reached my other hand to clasp my mouth as I felt my stomach clench. Struggling through the pain, I groaned, stumbled to my feet, and burst out through the door. I faintly noticed Aidan stir as I left.

The pain was almost unbearable. It was a shocking feeling. Something was very wrong. Making it barely to the edge of the tree-line, I fell onto my knees and emptied the contents of my stomach violently onto the sand.

Within seconds, I felt warm hands touch my back and pull the hair from my face as I leaned over, trying to stop my heaves.

“Colette…God, are you ok?” Aidan spoke in a worried tone from behind me.

I coughed and wiped my mouth, trying to take a deep breath. But my stomach was still convulsing. I closed my eyes, hoping that the wave of nausea would recede. My stomach continued to ache painfully, and I grabbed it again, hunching over stiffly on the ground.

“I don’t know…” I gasped for air.


	14. Poison

I continued to hold my stomach, wondering when the pain and nausea would subside. My abdominal muscles clenched, unrelenting, but there was nothing left to throw up.

The wave of nausea passed for a moment and I sat back on my heels taking deep breaths.

Aidan was still holding my hair as I turned my head to look at him briefly out of the corner of my eye.

His expression was fearful and sympathetic as he watched me struggle.

“I think I drank a bad coconut.” I coughed, trying to breathe deeply through the pain.

“Oh? How long ago was that?” he asked, releasing my hair and rubbing my back gently.

I tried to stand up, wanting to move away from the mess on the ground. Aidan held my arm, guiding me slowly.

“A few hours.” I replied, still hunched over.

“Hmmmm…” Aidan responded. “Maybe it’ll pass. Let’s get you back to rest.” He supported me as we walked back to the shelter and then he lowered me to the ground.

I leaned against the wall. “I need to sit…ugh” I moaned, rubbing my stomach. “I can’t lay down.”

“That’s ok, do whatever you need.” He replied, sitting down next to me. His eyes were wide as he watched me in pain. I felt guilty that I was worrying him.

“Man, what was in that coconut?” I groaned.

“Nothing good, it seems.” He answered, sadness in his voice. “Is there anything I can do?”

I leaned my head back against the wall, trying to breathe through the aches, and shook my head no.

“You should drink.” Aidan suggested, standing up and exiting the shelter. He returned with a bottle of rainwater and held it out to me.

I frowned.

“I don’t want you to get dehydrated…” Aidan spoke softly and pushed the bottle towards me again.

Realizing that he was right, I took it from him and forced myself to take a few sips. But the feeling of the water reaching my stomach was not welcome and brought on more nausea. I covered my mouth and quickly stumbled out of the shelter to throw up yet again.

I hung my head over the sand with my eyes shut tightly. There wasn’t much in my stomach, so I wondered how I could possibly still be nauseous.

Feeling Aidan’s presence behind me again, I shook my head, embarrassed. “You don’t have to watch this.” I spoke over my shoulder.

“It’s just like you said, we’re a team, Colette.” He spoke softly. “I’m not just going to leave you out here all alone puking your guts out.”

I leaned my back against a nearby tree and closed my eyes again, trying to encourage my body to relax. I knew Aidan’s words came from a good place, but I really didn’t want him to see me like this.

“I’m sorry I woke you up.” I breathed, with my eyes still closed.

I felt him sit down beside me. “Please don’t apologize.”

“Ughhhhh…” I winced at the pain again, and then peered at Aidan through half-open eyes. “This is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.” I could barely focus on his face. The pain was deep and sharp, like someone was grabbing my stomach and twisting it tightly.

“Maybe it would help if you walked?” Aidan suggested. I could tell he was desperate to do anything to help.

Breathing hard, I nodded, willing to try anything.

Aidan took my hand and pulled me to my feet. I brushed the hair from my face and looked out at the dark beach. There was a hint of daylight on the horizon as we made our way to walk along the water.

Aidan held my hand tightly and I gripped his arm for support. “This is so stupid…” I groaned between waves of pain. “I was so stupid to have drank that without checking first. It was just lying on the ground…it wasn’t fresh.”

“You didn’t know.” Aidan consoled me quietly. “Have you had food poisoning before?”

“Yes, but not like this – owww…” I held my stomach again. “It feels like someone is trying to tear out my guts.”

“Is walking helping the pain at all?” He asked gently.

I wrapped my arm around myself, suddenly feeling cold. “Not really…Are you cold? I’m cold.” I groaned.

Aidan stopped and turned to me. He placed his hand on my forehead. His skin felt cold against mine.

“Jeez, Colette, you’re burning up.” His face was concerned.

I shivered, but it was only a brief distraction from the pain and nausea. I could barely focus on anything else. My mind was preoccupied with the many warning symptoms I was feeling. This wasn’t a typical stomachache. I’d ingested something harmful, and my body was rejecting it violently. I wondered if I’d thrown up all of the contents of the coconut yet. And even if I did, how much had already soaked into my system?

Still standing and facing Aidan, I let my hand rest on my hip as I took deep breaths. “I think I need to lay down.”

Aidan took my hand again immediately and turned me back towards the shelter. “Ok, let’s try that.”

We walked slowly back, and Aidan helped me lay down on the palm-padded floor. He rolled up a shirt and placed it under my head as a pillow.

Still wincing, I looked up at him. He was staring down at me with his dark brows pulled together. I brought a hand up to my forehead, embarrassed that I was causing this scene. “You don’t have to stay with me…”

He frowned and pondered the thought for a moment. “I don’t want you to feel alone in this, but maybe you’d like to get some sleep…I’ll, uh…” He looked around blankly. “I’ll work on the fire…” He slowly turned to exit the cave but looked at me one last time. “Call if you need me, I’ll be right outside.” And then his face turned sympathetic. “I really do hope you feel better soon…”

I pulled the corners of my mouth up, trying to form a smile. But I knew I was failing to fool him.

He sighed and left me alone in the shelter.

I pulled my knees up to my chest and rolled over on my side. I squinted my eyes shut, trying to ignore the pain. I knew food poisoning was a common ailment, and that most often, it went away on its own, but I couldn’t help but worry that this case might be worse than anything typical. Who knew what kinds of bacteria were present on this island? I didn’t know if my body had the tools to fight something more powerful.

Burying my head in the shirt I was laying on, I tried to clear my mind. The pain subsided slightly in this position, but it was still very much there. I could tell my body wanted to sleep, but it was tingling and aching. I thought about how much I’d relied on medicine in the past. What I’d do for a painkiller right now…

Slowly, I felt my overwhelmed brain slip out of consciousness. I wasn’t sure if it was from exhaustion, or if my body was just using it as a coping mechanism.

***

Sleep was peaceful. Sleep was painless. Sleep was escape.

I reluctantly opened my eyes to see the blurry figure of Aidan sitting nearby. He was holding a bottle of water on his lap, turning it around in his hands silently. His eyes were motionless as he stared at the bottle.

The numbness that came with sleep began to subside and was replaced by the same sharp pain I’d experienced before. I shivered. Every nerve ending of my skin felt cold and sensitive.

My movement caught Aidan’s attention and he quickly turned his head to me. “How are you feeling?”

I rubbed my eyes and grimaced. “The same…”

He scooted towards me and placed his hand on my forehead again. “You’re still feverish. Do you want to try to drink again?”

I glared at the bottle of water, afraid of the consequence, but then I looked up at Aidan and I knew he was worried about me. So, I hoisted myself up on my elbows and took the bottle from him.

I took a few small sips, and at first, the liquid was welcome to my parched mouth, but after the fourth or fifth sip, I felt the nausea return.

I slammed the bottle down and scrambled to my feet again. “Nope. Nope. Not yet…” I stumbled out from the shelter and bent over my knees, emptying my stomach again.

Aidan was behind me shortly after, and he placed his jacket around my shivering shoulders. I pulled it around me tightly, trying to get warm.

“Ugh, what do I even do right now?” I groaned through chattering teeth.

Aidan was next to me, watching me nervously. “I think you’ll just have to let it pass.”

It wasn’t the answer I desired, but I knew it was true. I looked up at the sky, the sun was rising quickly. I felt my head begin to pound and I rested my forehead in my palm. My muscles felt fatigued and it was becoming harder to stand. “How long was I asleep?”

“A few hours, I think.” Aidan responded.

The pounding grew stronger and I winced, while pulling his jacked tighter around myself. I was freezing. I looked at the ground with my hands still on my knees, bracing myself. Suddenly, the corners of my vision began to cloud, and I felt my fingers begin to tingle. I breathed in and out through my nose, but I felt myself becoming faint. “Aidan…” I whimpered. “I don’t feel well…I don’t know what’s wrong…I don’t…” And then I felt my balance waiver and I started to fall forward.

I felt Aidan catch me before I hit the ground, but consciousness was eluding me and my eyelids began to close, against my will.

“Colette…” Aidan’s voice was stiff and concerned as he held onto me. I could hear him, but I couldn’t open my eyes to look at him.

“Colette, can you hear me?”

Drowning in my own illness, I was still unable to respond. The pain, the fatigue; it overwhelmed me, and my consciousness began to slip away. I soon felt myself being lifted from the ground, carried some distance, and then placed back down on another surface. I felt the leaves on my back. I was in our cave again.

Fingers brushed the hair from my face gently.

“Colette…can you hear me?” Aidan’s voice traveled to my brain in a muffled tone.

In this temporary state, I was no longer in pain. I somehow knew that my body had chosen to check-out for the moment; to give me a break. I saw lights and colors, sometimes mingling to form familiar faces or noises. Mostly it was Aidan’s face that formed from the mess of shapes behind my eyelids. Sometimes he was looking directly at me, and other times he was staring off into the distance, just like he’d done when he was thinking about Jane.

I sunk in and out of deep unconsciousness, sometimes rising back to the surface and almost opening my eyes, but never fully waking up. Each time I reached the surface, I sensed bits and pieces of the real world around me. Occasionally, I’d feel a cool hand on my forehead, or a finger trail gently down my arm.

Once, I heard a voice, and I knew it was Aidan.

“Colette…can you hear me?” His tone was more strained this time, more worried. I wanted to respond, but I could not.

I felt a cool, wet towel press against my forehead. I winced and shook my head, trying to avoid it as I felt cold already.

“You’re getting too hot. I’m sorry. I have to keep you cool.” Aidan’s voice was soft and kind as he continued to touch the cloth to my head.

The new sensation brought me from my unconsciousness for a moment, and I opened my eyes to see him leaning over me, eyebrows pulled together.

When he saw that I’d awoken, he touched his hand to the side of my face. “Can you hear me?” He asked again.

I blinked my eyes, trying to remain awake. I felt the pain return and all I could do was respond in a mumble. “Mmmhmmm…”

Aidan rubbed my shoulder gently. “Just keep fighting this. It’s gonna pass…It’s gonna pass…” His voice trailed off slightly as I heard the fearful undertones.

I focused on his face again. His deep brown eyes watched me with concern. In my wakeful state, I realized I no longer felt nauseous, but the deep pounding in my head prevented me from forming coherent words to tell him my symptoms were changing.

He trailed his hand down my cheek again. “I’m right here, Colette. I’ll be right here.”

I closed my eyes again, grateful that he was taking care of me. Even if there wasn’t much he could do, I felt a security in his presence. I wished I was coherent enough to speak; to tell him not to worry, but I felt the pounding in my head begin to subside slightly and I took the opportunity to let my body fall into a deep and healing sleep once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a challenge to write! I'm so used to expressing Colette's emotions through her inner thoughts and feelings, but in this state, she's barely able to think clearly, so it was difficult to find the balance within her mind. However, this chapter was an important stepping stone towards the next chapter, which I can't wait to share with all of you!
> 
> Thanks again for reading!


	15. Resolve

The air was fresh and warm the next time I opened my eyes. I breathed it in deeply, squinting into the daylight. I waited for the numbness of sleep to recede again, expecting the inevitable pain, but this time, it did not come. I brought my hand to my forehead and realized that I was sweating slightly. I wasn’t cold anymore. My fever must have broken.

I laid still for a moment, waiting for my symptoms to return, but they didn’t. The sounds of the waves crashing outside sent a soothing nostalgia into my mind, and the calls of the birds told me it was morning. I turned my head to the right and saw Aidan, sitting nearby. He was leaned against the cave wall and his body was slumped over. His lips were parted slightly as he breathed evenly, sound asleep. In his lap was the water bottle and damp rag, cradled in his hands. I admired him for a moment. The longer curls on top of his head hung down, almost touching his closed eyes. He hadn’t even laid down to sleep last night. I could tell he’d fallen asleep, sitting, watching me.

I tilted my head slightly, sorry that I’d put him through the ordeal. I couldn’t have imagined being on his side, seeing _him_ dipping in and out of consciousness, not knowing when he’d wake up. But I was feeling better now. I could sense my body recovering. I felt a wave of gratitude overwhelm me. He’d been with me all night. Hadn’t left my side.

Lifting my hand, I placed it lightly on his forearm. I wanted to wake him gently to assure him that I was no longer in pain, but I didn’t want to startle him.

He sniffed and closed his mouth, lifting his head slightly, and then he blinked slowly, taking in his surroundings. Soon, his eyes met mine and I watched the realization hit him.

His expression grew worried and he leaned forward towards me urgently. “Colette…how are you feeling?” He placed his hand on my forehead, paused, and then expelled a deep breath. “Your fever broke…”

I breathed slowly, watching his fear recede as he realized I was no longer in danger.

He sat back again and wiped his hand across his brow. “My goodness, Colette, you had me so worried.”

I frowned, sad for his anxiety, and tried to sit up.

Aidan grabbed my arm in support. “Hang on, are you sure you can sit?”

I nodded my head and continued to hoist myself into a position against the wall. “Yes, I’m feeling much better now.”

“Do you feel nauseous? Are you in pain?” Aidan questioned insistently, still holding my arm.

I swallowed carefully and assessed my symptoms. Apart from being a bit tired, I felt completely fine. “Not at all. That’s all gone.” I smiled gently at him.

He let out an exhausted breath again, and his eyes met mine tentatively. There was an emotion behind them. He was thinking deeply about something, but I couldn’t pinpoint it.

“You were not well.” He breathed. “Do you remember any of yesterday?”

I searched my memories. “I remember…throwing up…and I remember the pain…and I remember you. I’m so sorry I worried you.” My mind flashed back to his concerned face when I’d been slipping in and out of consciousness.

His brows pulled together as I watched him re-live the previous day. “You were tossing and turning, breathing hard, not responsive…” He looked down at his lap. “I wasn’t sure…I didn’t know if maybe you were getting worse…”

I leaned forward and tried to look into his eyes. He raised his gaze to me, and in his expression, I saw how much he cared. I smiled encouragingly. “But I didn’t. I’m here, I’m ok. I’m better. Thank you so much for taking care of me.”

He continued to stare deeply at me, and then blinked and turned his focus to the bottle in his hands. “You should drink some water.” He handed it to me.

I took a deep breath and brought the bottle to my lips, not sure if it might reignite the nausea. After a few sips, I lowered it from my mouth and waited to see how I felt. When no nausea reappeared, I took a few more sips and then set the bottle down next to me.

I looked up at Aidan, who was gazing intently at me again. “Did you even eat yesterday?” I asked.

“What?” He blinked as if in a daze, and then fumbled with the rag in his hands, folding it neatly. “Oh, no I’m fine.”

“You need to eat.” I coaxed.

He frowned. “I wasn’t going to leave you to go hunt or fish. I did eat a bit of coconut, I think, at some point.”

“Well, I’m feeling better now. You shouldn’t let yourself starve on my account, just because I stupidly ate a rotten coconut.” I grimaced.

He looked down at his hands. “I can’t help but think maybe you weren’t in the right state of mind to have been paying much attention to that coconut…” When his eyes met mine again, they were grim. “And I blame myself for that.”

My heart dropped as I realized he believed he was responsible for my sickness; that somehow the sadness that I’d felt due to his actions had caused me to make such a mistake. I pulled my eyebrows together. I surely hadn’t been thinking clearly that afternoon, but I blamed him for none of it. And neither should he.

“Aidan…” I whispered. “My error in judgement was not the consequence of anything that happened the other day. It was simply a mistake I made. A mistake that I will not make again, and a mistake that is now in the past.”

He closed his eyes and nodded, but I knew he wouldn’t forgive himself so easily.

I placed my hand on his knee. “I’m a little hungry, and I know you are too.” I used a more positive tone, hoping that his spirits would be raised when he knew he could provide something. He was so selfless, and I knew he thrived on making himself useful for others.

He looked down at my hand briefly and then up at me. “Yes, of course. I’ll head out now.” He stood up from his spot quickly. “Do you need anything else?”

I shook my head.

Just as he exited the door, I spoke up. “Aidan, thank you, really.”

He turned to me and his expression lightened. He smiled slightly before disappearing from view.

***

When the sun hung just past midday, Aidan returned with five fish in one of the palm leaf baskets I’d made for him. I’d come out to sit by the fire, continuing to rest my body throughout the morning. I feared my symptoms would return, but fortunately, they did not.

He quietly sat down next to me. “Are you still feeling alright?” He asked as he pierced the fish with sticks and placed them over the fire.

I nodded, taking one of the sticks from him. “Yes, even better. I think I’m pretty much back to normal.”

“I’m glad.” He responded gently.

I focused intently on my fish, positioning it above the hot coals. For some reason, my bout of sickness allowed me to pull my thoughts from our awkward exchange a few days ago. This other, even more significant event had given us something else to put our attention to, and it was a welcome distraction. As I turned my fish slowly, I thought about the unbearable pain I’d felt yesterday. I wouldn’t have wished it on my worst enemy, and I was equally as sad that Aidan had to witness the whole ordeal. His thoughts were probably no longer on his feelings for me, but instead on the fact that he’d need to be on the lookout for any more stupid mistakes that I might make.

I frowned, scolding myself internally for being so careless. We were a team, and I couldn’t leave him alone out here. Until we left this island, I was his partner, his companion, and his teammate. I had to stay strong for him. I let out a breath, thinking about how much I wished I could be all of those things to him _after_ we left this island.

Sensing that my fish was fully cooked, I lifted my gaze to Aidan, and I found that he was already staring at me. We locked eyes for a moment, and he didn’t look away. His face was serious, but his eyes were laced with emotion.

I raised an eyebrow, confused. “What is it?”

He blinked but did not look away. “I just keep expecting you to grab your stomach again.”

I smiled. “I think it’s all in the past now.” I looked down at my fish. “We’ll see how this sits with me though.”

Raising my eyes to him again, I saw that his face held the same expression. When he still didn’t look away, I nervously focused back on my fish and began to pull the meat from the bones. “You gonna eat your fish?” I asked without looking at him. He was clearly distracted by me, and I didn’t quite know why.

I sensed him shift and pick up his fish. “Oh, yes, of course…” His voice trailed off.

I wondered if he thought I almost died. _Did I almost die?_ I felt goosebumps on my arms, realizing how tragic this could have been. I didn’t envy the trauma he probably felt. He was clearly preoccupied today.

We ate in silence. I was starting to wonder if maybe he resented me for my carelessness. I didn’t know how to read him tonight, and I was nervous that I’d done more to hurt our relationship.

When we’d both finished, Aidan threw the last bone onto the fire and took a deep breath.

I watched him tentatively, wondering if his mind was still in a dark place.

He looked up at me and bit his lip, pondering something, before he spoke. “Would you like to take a walk?”

Eager to get my muscles moving again, I nodded. But I studied his face. There was an emotion buried deep in his features, and I knew this wasn’t just a walk. I took a deep breath as I stood up, preparing myself for more of an explanation as to why he felt in his heart that he needed to remain faithful to Jane.

He waited for me to get to my feet and then took his place next to me as we made our way towards the open beach.

“Do you feel strong enough for the walk?” He asked gently.

I chuckled softly. “Yes, I feel almost completely back to normal.”

His arm was mere inches from mine as we walked slowly along the water. I turned my head towards him and saw that he was staring directly ahead. His jaw was tight, and his eyebrows were pulled together.

I swallowed nervously, waiting for him to speak.

“I was so worried about you, Colette.” He spoke softly with a tension in his voice.

“I’m sorry…” I sighed, watching the waves lap gently on the shore.

“No, no, I’m not trying to reprimand you.” He said quickly. “But…” He took a deep breath. “The amount of worry I experienced made me think a little bit more about how deeply I care for you.”

“Of course.” I replied, understanding that he didn’t want me to leave him alone to fend for himself. “You would be miserable here alone. And I’m sorry to have put you through that anxiety.”

I peered at him out of the corner of my eye and I saw him take another deep breath.

“It’s not just that…” His voice was low and quiet. “You’re more than just a companion to me on this island…”

I turned my head fully towards him, wondering where his mind was taking him. He continued to look straight ahead.

“I didn’t realize it before; the extent of my feelings.” He continued. “When I was watching you, sick like that, I realized that I wasn’t worried about losing you just because I’d be alone here on this island, I was worried about losing you from my life altogether, and that’s when I knew that I was in deeper than I’d thought.”

His words caused my breathing to become more shallow, and my heart to beat a little faster. His mind was somewhere I wasn’t anticipating.

Unexpectedly, I felt his hand gently grab mine and he stopped in place, turning to face me.

Caught off guard, I stopped as well and looked up into his face. His eyes were on mine without waver.

He spoke again. “I was so focused on doing what I felt was proper, and not what I really needed, or what I really desired.” His eyes searched mine for understanding. “I’ve thought long and hard about it. It was never going to work with Jane, and I’ve always known that. I believe she’s always known that too. I could see it in her eyes before I got on that plane. We weren’t right for each other.” He gulped and his eyes pierced deeply into mine. “How could I stand here and repress my true feelings; the ones I have for you?”

I was barely breathing as I stared intensely into his sincere brown eyes. His warm hand still gripped mine. The place where our skin touched burned like a fire that couldn’t be suppressed.

He continued. “Whether we’re here for more weeks, more months, or years…I can’t deny the way I feel about you.”

The little bit of breath I still had, hitched in my throat as he spoke. I was not expecting these words from him; not after what we’d been through.

Still holding my hand, he took a step closer to me. I watched the wind gently tousle the deep brown curls that hung from his head. My eyes soon fell to his again, and I could tell he was searching my expression, trying to read my thoughts.

My brain raced, trying to comprehend the situation, but I couldn’t bring myself to speak.

Blinking slowly, he continued. “You’ve made me realize things I never knew about myself, and I’ve discovered how much you’re exactly what I need in my life.”

I swallowed, trying to regulate my heartbeat. He was expressing his change of heart, right here in front of me, and I didn’t know how to react. I was stunned. Pure disbelief. But the words he spoke had, until now, only been heard in my wildest dreams.

The wind tangled my hair, sending a strand across my face. Aidan lifted his free hand and slowly tucked the stray piece behind my ear. But instead of dropping his hand afterwards, he let it rest on the side of my face. I felt electricity in the spots where his fingers touched me.

Taking another step towards me, he spoke again. “I never expected to feel this way. But I care so deeply for you, Colette.” His face was just inches from mine. He closed his eyes. “I’ve never felt this before.”

“I feel it too…” I whispered so quietly I wasn’t sure he even heard me.

When he opened his eyes again, they burned with a passion that surpassed that which he expressed days ago, in the water. His gaze searched mine for understanding and reciprocation. “I would be a foolish man not to take this opportunity to show you how I feel.”

I watched his face as it inched closer to mine. I could see every detail in his molasses eyes as they stared deeply into my own. I wondered briefly if I might pass out from lack of oxygen.

Our noses touched momentarily, and he was silent as he breathed slowly and evenly. In that instant, we both closed our eyes and there was a sense of resolution between us. We paused briefly, reveling in the proximity of our mutual feelings, savoring every second, making it last, and then finally, almost as if in slow motion, his lips gently touched mine. They were soft and tender, searching mine for agreement, waiting for my response.

In a moment of pure emotion, I took a small step towards him and pressed my lips deeper into his, gripping his hand tighter.

Recognizing my eager reception of his kiss, I felt him move his hand to the side of my neck, just behind my ear, and his lips became more urgent against mine. I took my free hand and placed it on his shoulder, wanting to attach myself in every way to him, letting myself sink into the kiss. I could feel him releasing his hesitation as his hand let go of mine and he placed it on my waist, pulling me into him, pressing his body against mine.

In the gentle wind of the late afternoon, on a beach we called our own, Aidan and I embraced in a kiss so tender, yet so fueled by the passion we’d previously suppressed, that the entire world disappeared around us. I didn’t know up from down, or right from left. All I knew was that I was where I wanted to be, where I needed to be, finally able to liberate my feelings, and more at peace than I’d ever been, even before our plane had fallen from the sky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can we all just say it together? "FINALLY!"
> 
> Sorry I made you all wait 40 thousand words for this payoff, but I don't regret loving a slow burn. :)
> 
> You'll be glad to know, that this chapter only marks approximately the halfway point in my plan for Aidan and Colette's journey, so stay tuned for what happens next!
> 
> As always, thank you all SO MUCH for your comments and kudos! I love hearing what you think!


	16. Tender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are all amazing! Thank you so much for the wonderful comments! And I'm JUST as obsessed with writing this story as some of you are with reading it :D

My heart pounded as Aidan slowly broke our kiss and his eyes met mine again. He looked at me with a tenderness and a relief that I reciprocated in equal measure. Tilting his chin up, he closed his eyes and placed his lips on my forehead softly.

I breathed deeply, wanting time to stop here in this instant. This instant that was the result of our month-long journey here on this island together. I closed my eyes briefly, still in shock that he’d had such a change of heart.

Aidan stepped backwards and took my hands in his. We gazed at each other for a moment, and it almost felt like we didn’t need words to communicate our feelings at this point.

A grin spread across his face, touching the corners of his eyes. I still couldn’t handle how adorable he was. I returned it with a grin of my own, and then I giggled softly, and turned my eyes to my feet, embarrassed by my giddy emotions.

“I don’t know about you, but I’ve imagined that moment for a long time…” Aidan spoke softly.

I looked up at his still smiling face. “Oh, you have _no_ idea” I smirked, knowing full well that I’d dreamed of it much longer than he had.

He laughed and released one of my hands, stepping to the side and coaxing me back into our walk. I interlaced my fingers with his and he squeezed gently; reassuringly.

We walked for a bit, each savoring these first moments of mutually expressed feelings. It felt like a dream. I could barely believe my life had taken this drastic turn. There was something so innocent and sweet about walking hand in hand with him; connected as we navigated our path. We’d felt like partners before, but now, there was a new sense of something even deeper in our companionship.

I grinned again, unable to contain my joy.

Aidan noticed my body language and nudged my arm playfully. “So, I take it I did the right thing in telling you how I feel?”

I looked up at him, catching his sparkling gaze for a moment. “I can’t think of anything I’d want to hear more.”

He smiled and looked back out at the water. “While I’d never wish that sickness on you, I’m glad that it helped me open my eyes.”

I bit my lip nervously, still curious about how all of this came to be. “But I still have a few questions…I really didn’t think you’d have this change of heart.”

Aidan strolled slowly, finding his words. “I spent a lot of time thinking while you were sick. I realized a few things. If I were home right now, I’d call things off with Jane, immediately.” He looked me in the eye, showing me that he was serious. “I would have done it already. Only, I’m not home, and I don’t know if or when I ever will be. It’s been an entire month, and it feels like much longer. In reality, I’ve already let go of her, and just because I have absolutely zero way to tell her so, I decided that shouldn’t cause me to miss out on the chance to express my feelings for you.”

I watched the waves as we walked, thinking about Jane and how she might react to all of this. I tried to understand all that he was saying, realizing that he was saying all of the right things, but wondering if it was all true.

He sighed. “It wasn’t an easy mental battle, I assure you. I’m not the kind of person to be unfaithful. And, that may sound like a line to you. But I’m being completely honest. This situation is just…different.” He turned his head to me, gauging my response.

I studied his face, trying to believe his words. I wanted to, but I was still hesitant. How could I know that he wouldn’t just drop me as soon as we made it home? Would he have fallen for any pretty girl he was stranded with? There were so many variables. I thought for a moment, wondering if a short time on an island, in a passionate relationship with Aidan, would be worth it if it all went south once we returned.

I could tell that he accurately read my hesitancy, because he stopped again and turned to face me.

His eyebrows pulled together. “You have my word…you’re not just a casual hobby to pass my time while I’m away from Jane. You’re far from that. As of that day I stepped onto that plane, she was out of my life forever. I may have not realized it then, but I see it clearly now. It took me awhile to come to terms with the fact that I can’t literally communicate that to her while I’m here, but you’ve helped me to see that things would have never progressed with her. I see something in you; something that I didn’t realize I needed. I have a completely different outlook on my life now. And I can’t thank you enough for that…” He paused. “Whatever comes of this, I’m a changed man, and Jane no longer fits in my life.” He looked directly at me, seriousness in his eyes. “I know, it may take a while for me to prove that to you; for me to gain your full trust. But I’m willing to do whatever it takes to get there.”

I smiled lightly, entranced by his words, even though I knew to be cautious. I squeezed his hand gently, letting him know that I accepted his explanation. “I told you that you were a smooth talker…” I grinned, starting to walk again, but not letting go of his hand.

He took a long stride to catch up to me, and then stepped in front of me, making eye contact again. “I’m going to prove it to you. I don’t want you to mistrust me.”

I stopped and looked up into his eyes which were light and semi-transparent in the warm rays of the setting sun. “I do trust you…this is just a unique situation, and I’m being careful.”

He smiled gently, relieved at my response. “I don’t blame you…and that’s one of the things I admire about you; you’re smart and observant.”

I grinned. “It’s nice to hear that you admire those things.”

A mischievous smirk crossed his face as he took a step closer to me. “There are _many_ more things I admire about you, Colette.” He placed his hands on my waist and pulled me towards him.

He leaned in and, without hesitation, kissed me deeply as I wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging myself close to him.

Once again, the warmth of our embrace shattered the cool silence of the empty beach around us, sending any thought of space or time to the distant corners of my mind.

***

Later that evening, we sat by the fire, full and satisfied from a bird Aidan had shot just before the sun went down. In the hour he’d been gone, I’d gathered some of the edible seaweed and prepared the fire for cooking. All the while, I grinned like a fool, still feeling Aidan’s kiss on my lips and continually pinching myself to see if it was all a dream.

Now, after we’d eaten, we sat with our arms just barely touching, chatting about our plans for the next day.

“I think I’ll fish tomorrow.” Aidan suggested. “I’m dying for a good swim.”

“Could you show me how to spearfish?” I asked, hopeful to help out.

He scratched his stubble. “I suppose I could. But you’ll have to be very careful. The tide can be strong.”

I smiled up at him ironically. “I believe I said the same things to you when you first went out.”

He chuckled. “I know, but I worry about you.”

I nudged him playfully. “Hey, I’m stronger than you think. I survived that coconut, didn’t I?”

His smile turned to a frown and I could tell he was taken back to anxious memories. I turned my head and placed a gentle kiss on his shoulder, sorry for what he’d been through. He took his arm and wrapped it around my back, pulling me closer to him.

“I’m feeling completely fine now.” I encouraged him and then rested my head on his shoulder and felt him nod.

We watched the flames as they danced around the logs, sending sparks flying gently through the air.

“I’ve never asked you this before, for fear of making you uncomfortable, but I’m curious now...” Aidan said quietly.

I lifted my head and looked at him, hesitant to hear what question was on his mind. What could make me uncomfortable?

But he smiled. “How much _did_ you know about me before the crash?”

I bit my lip and buried my face in his shoulder nervously. It was true, he hadn’t asked me this yet, and I was glad he hadn’t, because it felt so strange now to think that I was once just a fan; a serious fan. It was embarrassing now that I knew him so well.

Aidan rubbed my back encouragingly and laughed. “For example, did you just appreciate my roles, or…if your phone had a charge right now and I opened it, would I find a picture of myself saved somewhere?”

I buried my face further into his sleeve, not believing he was really asking me this. “Stop it…” I laughed.

He laughed and pried me off of him, looking me in the eye and grinning mischievously.

I looked up at him through my eyelashes. I felt my cheeks growing warm. “There may be one or two…” I whispered reluctantly.

He smirked. “I actually think that’s a bit sweet.”

“You do _not_.” I shot back, not believing him for a second.

“What?” He laughed again. “You got to know me before we even met. I’m a touch jealous.”

“Yeah, but…” I took a breath. “I don’t want you to think I’m infatuated with you because of how I felt before we met…It’s so much more now.”

“You’re _infatuated_ with me?” Aidan’s grin was so cheeky that immediately I pushed his arm with a force that knocked him off balance for a moment.

“Aidan…” I pleaded, giggling.

“Ok, ok.” He smirked, holding up his hands in defeat. “Ok, I’ll listen.”

I bit my tongue, looking at him with a tight-lipped smile, trying to figure out how to play his mischievous game. He stared back at me with a playfully expectant expression. He was going to let me speak now, and I knew this was my time to expose my true feelings.

I took a deep breath. “Ok, so yes, I’d been a fan for almost two years. And sure, you caught my eye in more ways than just your acting skills.” I smirked and I saw his grin grow. “But nothing could have ever prepared me for how I feel now. You’re no longer who you once were in my eyes. I see you more clearly now, and I see your real, true character.”

He watched me with interested eyes.

So I continued. “You’re so much more than I imagined you to be. You’re so selfless and so driven. You’re thoughtful and compassionate. Every time you ask me how you can make me happier, I feel myself fall for you a bit more. I’ve never had someone ask me those things so sincerely. You make me laugh, you take care of me, you’ve saved my life _multiple_ times, and I think we’ve both discovered that we crave a lot of the same things in life.” I paused and gazed deeply into his eyes, which now had become serious as he listened to my words. “You mean so much to me now."

Aidan’s mouth turned into a soft grin and he leaned in, placing a tender kiss on my lips. “Thank you for telling me those things.” He whispered.

I traced my finger down the now mostly healed scar on the left side of his face. “It’s been a long time coming.”

Aidan smiled softly at me as we gazed at each other.

“How did we even get here?” I mused, thinking about our emotional journey and not our physical one.

Aidan beamed. “Some chance of fate, I suppose.”

“Looking around at where we’re sitting, it says a lot that I think fate has been kind to us.” I said quietly.

“Fate _has_ been kind to us.” Aidan agreed. “We walked off that plane…well, _I_ walked off that plane and carried you.” He chuckled.

I laughed and then blinked slowly, letting out a slow yawn. I hadn’t realized I was so tired, but I knew it was getting incredibly late.

Aidan saw me yawn and rubbed my back again. “We should get some sleep.”

I nodded sleepily and we both stood up. Aidan tossed a few more logs onto the fire and we made our way to our shelter.

We both laid down on the palm frond pads silently, each in our own thoughts. What a whirlwind of a day it had been. When I’d gone to bed last night, I’d been on the brink serious illness, and now, I was here, lying next to Aidan, having both expressed our deep feelings.

There was a moment, when I felt slightly nervous, wondering what kinds of intimate progressions we’d experience, laying down together every night. But I knew, after today, we’d been nothing but tender and sweet with each other, and that was all that tonight represented in our relationship. Whether it grew into something more passionate and hungry, or not, I basked in this evening of sweetness, with the knowledge that we both cared deeply for one another, and that was all that mattered.

We laid silently for a moment, just as we did every night, a few inches apart and both staring at the ceiling. I could hear him breathing gently next to me. I wasn’t sure how to transition out of such a platonic habit. I wasn’t confident enough to make the first move.

As if reading my mind, I saw Aidan turn to me and smile tenderly. “Come here…” He whispered and coaxed me towards him.

I grinned and rolled over into his shoulder, placing my hand on his slowly rising and falling chest. He wrapped his arm around me and planted a soft kiss on my forehead.

I closed my eyes and laid my head on his shoulder, breathing slowly and evenly. It felt right, laying with him like this. We fit together perfectly, and I felt his hand trail slowly up and down my arm, leaving goosebumps in its path. It was comforting and reassuring in a way I never wanted to end. I felt myself slowly drift from consciousness, having just lived a day of my life that I could have never predicted; not in a million years.


	17. Bliss

The bright sunlight of a new day coaxed me awake the next morning. I breathed deeply, rolling over and rubbing my eyes. Waking up in a cave was no longer a surprise to me every morning. It was home, for now, and I was used to the sights and sounds that roused me from my sleep. Except, today there was something different to remember; something new and sweet. I grinned as the memories of the previous day flooded my mind. I turned my head to see Aidan fast asleep next to me.

I studied his face; his relaxed eyebrows, those long, dark eyelashes, his short stubble, those lips that had had kissed me so tenderly… He was painfully handsome, and I couldn’t believe this man had feelings for _me_.

I didn’t want to wake him, but I couldn’t help myself. Grinning, I scooted towards him and nuzzled my face into the crook of his neck, breathing him in. I felt him stir slightly, and then he slowly wrapped his arms around me, pulling me even closer.

“Well, hello there Darlin’.” Aidan said gently into the silence of the morning.

My heart skipped a beat, hearing his thick Irish accent speak of me in such affectionate terms. It wasn’t a word we used as often in the States, so hearing it from his lips, so sweet and so easily rolling off his tongue, made me grin widely.

“Good morning.” I replied happily, wrapping my arm around his torso.

“Did you sleep well?” He asked.

“Mhmmm…” I murmured into his neck. “You?”

“Quite well, yes.” He replied softly.

We stayed like that for a few moments, slowly waking up, wrapped in each other’s arms. I felt his chest rise and fall slowly; each breath, a reminder that he was very real and alive next to me. It was a glorious way to start the day, and I hoped that many more like this would follow.

“I should check the fire.” Aidan whispered into my hair.

I groaned, but he kissed the top of my head and then pulled his arm from underneath me and smiled before standing and exiting the cave.

I immediately missed his warmth, and slowly sat up, stretching my joints. I reached into my suitcase and quickly grabbed my toothbrush and toothpaste. Today, more than ever, I felt the urge to make sure I was fresh. Cleanliness wasn’t the easiest here on the island, but luckily, we’d both been traveling with just our carry-on bags, so we had our toiletries with us and made it a point to use them. Now that I knew Aidan and I would be spending more time in close proximity (I shivered thinking about it), I knew I’d be more self-conscious about those things.

After brushing my teeth, I pushed open the door to our shelter and saw Aidan shifting the logs of the fire around into a more optimal position.

I spotted the swiss army knife lying on a rock nearby, so I grabbed it as well as a coconut and cut a small hole into the top. I tentatively sniffed it, now extremely careful to check for freshness, and then walked over to Aidan.

“Need a drink?” I asked, holding it out to him.

He turned to me and smiled. “Thanks.” He took a long swig and then handed it back to me.

I brought it to my lips, finishing off the rest, and then cracked it against a rock before nibbling on the flesh.

“You still want to learn to spearfish today?” Aidan asked, turning to me and taking a piece for himself.

“If you’re still willing to teach me.” I replied, leaning against a nearby boulder and crossing one leg in front of the other casually. I watched him eat his coconut as he continued to stoke the fire. Under his grey t-shirt, his shoulder muscles rippled as he moved the logs around. He licked a stray piece of coconut from his lips, and I swallowed slowly, completely entranced by him.

“Of course I am.” He grinned, throwing his coconut shell into the fire. “The fish are most active in the early morning and late evening. Would you like to go out now?” His hazel eyes met mine inquisitively.

I pulled my eyes from him and threw my own coconut shell onto the fire. “Sure, let me go pull my hair up.”

I turned towards the shelter, headed for my suitcase, but before I even took two steps, I felt Aidan’s hands grab me around my waist and spin me around towards him. Caught off guard, I felt his lips meet mine with an insistency and a playfulness he hadn’t kissed me with yet. After a second to comprehend, I relaxed into him and grasped his upper arms, pulling myself closer and smiling into his lips.

When he finally broke the kiss, he stepped back and grinned at me. His hands were still firmly on my waist, holding me in place. “Ok, now you can go put your hair up.”

“Are you sure?” I smirked, joking with him.

He pressed his lips together, a touch of humor in his eyes, as he pondered my question. He still hadn’t let go of me and I continued to grin at him.

“Hmmmm…” He mused, and then his eyes met mine with a twinkle. “Yeah, I suppose not.” He pulled me into him again and planted another deep kiss on my lips; long and slow, filled with yearning.

The feel of his hands on me, holding me close to him with no escape, brought on a tingling sensation deep down inside of me, and I wanted more.

When he stepped back again, he let go of my waist this time. “Ok, _now_ you can go.”

I raised an eyebrow at him, not sure if he was teasing me again, but he grinned, and I turned on my heel and headed towards my suitcase.

  
***  
  


We stood on the beach, each with a spear in our hands. Aidan set his on the ground for a moment and pulled his t-shirt over his head. I unconsciously bit my lip, watching him reveal his perfect torso. I’d always paused to admire him when he went shirtless in front of me, but now, after our feelings had progressed so quickly, I looked at him with a bit more hunger in my eyes.

“Ready?” He asked, picking up his spear again.

I pulled my eyes from his chest and looked back up at him. “Yep, let’s go.”

I was already in my bathing suit, so we waded into the water and began to swim into the current. Aidan pulled behind him a basket I’d made out of palm leaves, attached to a phone charging cord he tied to his wrist.

After a few moments, we arrived in the spot that Aidan said he’d had the most success. He showed me how to dive and let me eyes adjust so that I could see underwater and aim for the larger fish. There were multiple kinds swimming among the coral and rocks, but I was able to pick out the shiny silver ones that Aidan always brought back for dinner.

It was exhausting work, holding my breath and pushing the spear through the water with enough force and accuracy. I began to appreciate Aidan even more, knowing what he went through to provide for us.

After a half hour, he’d caught three fish, and I was still empty-handed. I paused, treading water and catching my breath. I watched the dozens of fish swim beneath me in the crystal-clear waters. Aidan was a few meters away, resting above the water as well. I looked down and spotted a particularly large fish meandering between some brightly colored coral, so I took a deep breath and slowly sank into the water, trying not to startle it.

I opened my eyes, making out the somewhat blurry shapes underwater, but I saw the fish again, a few meters again, moving slowly. I creeped up towards it, spear poised and ready. I squinted at it, trying to predict its path. When felt confident, and just before it inched too far away, I shoved my spear smoothly towards it, and much to my surprise, it made contact. Shocked, I dove deeper to retrieve it and pulled it up to the surface. It was flopping wildly, still very much alive, and I wrestled it in my arms with difficulty.

“Aidan…” I sputtered, when I came to the surface, taking deep breaths and trying to keep the fish from escaping.

He was still treading water and he swam to me quickly, taking the fish from my grip and wrestling it into the basket. “Brilliant work!” He smiled, looking at me with excitement in his eyes.

I was breathing hard, exhausted from my first catch, but I grinned back at him, proud of myself.

“I think with this big one, we have enough for lunch.” He closed the basket and pulled it towards him. “And you deserve a rest.”

I turned my head and looked back to the beach. We were now quite a ways offshore. I’d never seen our island from this angle. It was bright and green, contrasted by the turquoise blue waters. The trees waved lazily in the wind. This place we currently called home was beautiful.

We slowly swam back towards the shore and then waded up to the beach. Aidan threw the basket and spears onto the sand and I sat down in the shallow water. My muscles were completely exhausted.

Aidan came to sit next to me and rested his elbows on his bent knees as he breathed heavily. “Hard work, in’t it?” He grinned at me.

I smiled, catching my breath and leaning back on my hands, letting my heartrate return back to normal. Except, as I did, I watched Aidan’s gaze momentarily lower from my face and trail down below my neck. I breathed deeply as I watched him linger there, just for a second or two, before he looked back at my eyes. The result was that my heartbeat increased instead. He’d seen me in my swimsuit many times during the weeks we’d been here, but this was the first time he let his gaze wander, while knowing full well that I saw him.

His eyes were a bit darker when he looked at me again, and we gazed silently at each other for a moment, an unspoken hunger between us. But I grinned and looked down, still as shy as I’d ever been.

“I can’t believe you do that spear fishing almost every day.” I mused, nervous to look at him.

“It’s really not that bad once you get the hang of it.” He said quietly and I saw him out of the corner of my eye, still staring intently at me.

“Yeah, but it’s a chore to tread water that long.” I responded, sneaking a glance at him. He’d moved an inch closer to me and his eyes met mine with the same darkness.

“Mhmm…” He answered in a low, quiet voice.

I bravely held eye contact, smiling slightly as he moved closer still. The gentle waves lapped around us as we sat in the shallow waters.

Wet curls hung over his forehead and beads of water dripped down his face and onto his bare chest as he gazed at me. His expression told me he wasn’t in the mood for a chat, and I felt myself breathing harder again, developing a thirst in my own eyes.

He closed the last of the distance between us, never breaking eye contact, and touched his lips to mine, slowly at first. But the feelings inside me were thoroughly roused and I placed my hand on the back of his neck, pulling him closer to me. I was surprised by my sudden surge of confidence, but my fingers tangled in his hair and my lips moved urgently against his.

Sensing my positive response, he answered by placing his hand under my jawline and moving his body closer to mine. His lips moved with mine out of pure need and soon I felt his tongue trace my lower lip just slightly, begging for entrance. Without hesitation, I obliged, parting my lips and tasting him for the first time.

His weight and urgency against me began to push me backwards, down onto my elbows, and I felt the cool water pool around my back. He traced his hand through my hair and down along my arm, sending goosebumps across my skin. My heart was beating out of my chest and every nerve on my body was at full sensitivity as our mouths moved hungrily together. He was a fantastic kisser, and I felt myself losing control under his expert and passionate lips.

Just when I began to wonder if maybe we were moving too fast, Aidan pulled his lips away from mine and pressed his forehead into my own, breathing hard. We both laid still, Aidan partially on top of me, and gentle waves surrounding us, contrasted with the far-from-gentle thoughts in our minds.

He opened his eyes and I saw a hint of tortured desire behind them as he looked at me. I breathed in and out, trying to slow my heart and he leaned back and took my hand, pulling me back to a sitting position. I rested my forehead on his shoulder, regaining my breath, and he ran his fingers through my hair silently.

Neither of us spoke for a moment, but I knew we were both thinking the same thing. Being in each other’s presence so often and having no one else to interact with meant that there was a potential of moving too fast, and I knew, in my own heart that I wanted to guard myself carefully.

I felt Aidan’s shoulder slowly relax as he caught his breath himself and I turned my head, looking out at the sparkling waves.

He let out a long breath. “We should get to cooking the fish.” He said in a low, quiet voice. “We can’t let them sit in this heat.”

I lifted my head to look at him. He turned to me and smiled warmly.

I nodded as he stood, and he extended his hand to me and pulled me up from the ground. He kept hold as he picked up the basket of fish and the shirt he’d taken off earlier. We walked silently, hand in hand back towards our campsite. My lips still tingled from his kiss.

***

We spent the rest of the day working on our shelter. We needed to replace some of the palm fronds that had begun to sag and blow apart. I was glad that we were still able to be the same team we were before our relationship had changed so drastically. We fell back into our roles easily. Aidan did the heavy lifting and I did all of the tying and arranging of the leaves. We were a well-oiled machine.

Later that evening, after we’d eaten a bit more, we laid on the soft sand, staring up at the stars. They were so much brighter here than I’d ever seen them. With all of the light pollution in LA, they had been dim specks in the sky. Here, they were multiplied by the hundreds and sparkling impressively.

There was something about these moments; we were frequently busy with keeping ourselves alive, but when we let ourselves rest, we could _really_ rest. We didn’t have the weight of the world on our shoulders. It was just the two of us, our growing feelings, and the un-numbered amount of days ahead of us.

As it frequently did, my mind wandered to Jane and I frowned. As utterly blissful as I was that Aidan felt things for me, and I was able to kiss him, and touch him, and hold him, I couldn’t help but feel guilty that I was the “other woman,” taking him away from her. What if we both made it home and I had to face her? How would I explain myself? And what would Aidan do? Would he have to choose? He’d told me that he was done with Jane, but what would happen when he saw her face again, and the memories came flooding back? Would the decision become more difficult for him?

I closed my eyes, thinking about the journey we’d taken so far. I still wasn’t confident in myself. I’d been the only woman in Aidan’s presence for over a month. I was his only option. Was that why he showed interest? Had he nowhere else to entertain his pent-up romantic energy? I sighed, wishing my curiosities and cautions didn’t overwhelm my brain so much.

“Everything alright?” Aidan asked, turning his head towards me.

I opened my eyes and looked back at the stars, deep in thought. “Do you think…” I paused, trying to formulate my question. “Do you think you would have felt the same way about me if we’d met somewhere else?”

Aidan rolled over towards me and brushed his fingers along the side of my face. I turned to look at him and he was smiling gently. “You’re really curious about that, aren’t you?”

I rolled to face him as well. “Well, I mean, you don’t have many choices out here in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes I wonder.” My voice was tentative and quiet as I asked.

He frowned and raised his hand again to tuck a stray strand of hair behind my ear. His eyes studied me sympathetically. “I wish I could show you into my mind, so that you wouldn’t have to worry.”

“Do I want to see inside your mind?” I cracked a smile.

He bit his lip and grinned back. “Ah, true. Depends on what you might or might not be expecting.” And then he laughed his wonderful laugh that I knew so well.

I smirked and shook my head, loving how playful we could be with one another.

Aidan spoke again. “I can tell you this. I absolutely would have noticed you under any circumstances.” He paused. “You’re so beautiful.” He rested his hand on my arm. It was warm and gentle.

I blushed and blinked slowly, realizing that was the first time he’d said that to me.

“And if I had a chance to speak with you and get to know you, I know that I would see some of the same qualities that I admire today. If I knew we’d both be in town for a bit, I’d likely have asked to see you again.” He said confidently.

I couldn’t hide my grin. “Where would you take me?”

He pondered my question. “Well, where did we meet in this scenario?”

“Hmm, LA probably.”

“LA…” He repeated, thinking about his options. “There is a quaint little pub downtown. It’s very reminiscent of Dublin actually. I might take you there, because I’d feel comfortable, and therefore more likely to sweep you off your feet.” He grinned.

“That sounds nice.” I smiled, loving that he was painting this little picture. “Would we spend the whole evening there?”

“I think, after we ate, we’d take a nice stroll, just chatting and getting acquainted. Nothing too extravagant. I’d know a bit about you by then and I’d realize that you didn’t need extravagance.”

I grinned. He was so thoughtful and perceptive, even in his imagination.

He continued. “At the end of the night, I’d drop you back at your home, and I’d fumble with my keys as I walked you to your door…” He paused and grinned. “Just like the movies. And then I’d wait to see if you went right inside, and if you didn’t…” He inched closer to me. His deep brown eyes stared deeply into mine. “…then I’d lean in and give you a short, but tender kiss…” He touched his lips to mine, softly and chastely, and then pulled away. “Because I’d want to show you that I’m a gentleman. And then we’d say goodnight, and I’d think about you the entire drive back to my hotel.”

A foolish grin spread across my face as I watched him tell his story. His ability to be completely adorable knew no bounds, and I wondered how I could possibly ever resist him if he kept up like this. He had a way about him that pulled me in, inch by inch, day by day, slowly sending me to the brink of feelings that I could hardly believe were becoming my reality.

I lifted my hand and traced the soft, dark curls that framed his face. Only lit by the stars, we laid in silence, savoring the moment, and the prospect of many more moments like this to follow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another sappy/flirty one for you all ;)
> 
> They just can't get enough of each other right now, and I've found that I LOVE writing Aidan's cheeky, teasing personality, so I had a lot of fun with this one :)


	18. Desire

A few days passed. A few days filled with blissful kisses and cuddles and moonlight strolls, coupled with deep conversations and delightful teasing. It felt like life couldn’t get any better in our unique adventure. The fish were aplenty, rainstorms gave us our drinking water, and our bodies were stronger now, and more adapted to our environment. I tried to live in the moment, but I couldn’t help but wonder when our luck might change for the worse. Even though we’d jumped our first hurdles and were thriving now, I couldn’t imagine that life would continue to be so kind to us.

Aidan and I were slowly becoming more comfortable with each other in our new, more physical relationship, but we hadn’t pushed the boundaries any further than that day in the shallow waters. I think he could sense that I needed time and wasn’t the kind of person to dive right into something so intimate so fast. I was shy and quiet at heart, and careful with my decisions. I appreciated that he seemed to respect that about me.

But almost as much as I was cautious, I was also starting to lose my sense of control. The closer we became, the more I longed to express my feelings for him physically. Plus, he was downright irresistible. I’d known that since before I’d met him, and the thought of being with him, truly _with_ him, was something that sent shivers down my spine in the best way possible.

I still had my reservations though, for many reasons, and I knew that at some point, I’d have to speak to him about them.

One evening, we sat by the fire, digesting our dinner. Aidan was leaning against one of the large boulders and I sat in front of him, between his legs, leaning my back against his chest. His arms were wrapped around me and he softly kissed the side of my forehead.

“Did you get enough to eat?” He asked quietly. I felt his breath gently on my head.

“Mhmm…” I sighed, closing my eyes and laying my head on his shoulder.

“What’s the first food you’ll eat when you return?” He asked.

“Hmmmmm…” I pondered, thinking of the countless delicious things that I craved. “How about a juicy burger? Maybe some pasta? Chocolate cake?” I laughed as I realized I could go on and on.

Aidan chuckled. “That all sounds delicious, but I’ll tell ya what, I could go for a nice whisky right now.”

I smirked and trailed my finger up and down his forearm, tracing the dark hairs that grew there. “Well, we’ll just have to get you one when we get back.”

I tilted my head and looked up at him, grinning and briefly thinking about what it would be like to sit down with him at a bar, in the real world, like a normal couple.

“I’d like that very much.” He responded, smiling down at me.

I nestled my head back on his shoulder and watched the flames of the fire wind and disappear into the air.

“So…” Aidan began. “Might I be so lucky as to get a second dance with you?”

I grinned and looked up at him again. “I do think you promised to teach me some more.”

Aidan unwrapped his arms from around me and held out his hand. “Then, may I have this dance?” he smirked.

I placed my hand in his and we both stood up from the ground. I brushed the sand from my shorts and looked down at my sad display of clothing. An idea popped into my head. “Hang on…I’ll be right back.” I assured him and pulled my hand from his.

His expression was confused but curious as I grinned before disappearing into our shelter. I knelt down and unzipped my suitcase, revealing the items inside. There were a few clothing items that I hadn’t worn yet, because they just weren’t practical for life on a deserted island. I dug through the fabric, searching for a specific piece. Not before long, I spotted it. Feeling the soft cotton between my fingers, I pulled out a simple, flowing, yellow sundress. I held it up in front of me. Thin straps led to a lace bodice that was fitted through the waist and then flowed freely the rest of the way down.

I grinned, remembering how much I loved the dress and how confident I felt in it. It was cute and comfortable, with just a hint of sexiness resulting from the skin it left exposed.

I pulled my shorts and t-shirt off and stepped into the dress. Smoothing it around my figure, I smiled contentedly. It still fit well and hugged my torso in the right places, and the skirt fell just above my knees. I actually felt pretty for the first time in over a month and I grinned, feeling a surge of confidence.

I slowly stepped out of our shelter and began to walk towards Aidan, who was standing with his back towards me, studying the fire.

When he heard me coming, he turned around to face me. His hands were in his pockets as his eyes dropped down to my dress.

I grinned as his expression turned fiery and he looked my body up and down. He took a step towards me and placed his hands on my waist, feeling the smooth lace of my dress. “You look…” He breathed. “…stunning….and…” He swallowed. “mmmm…” His eyes rose to meet mine as he trailed the palms up his hands up and down the sides of my torso, tracing my curves.

There was something in his eyes that reminded me of another one of the roles he’d played, and I smirked, realizing I was seeing something new. When he’d been confident and motivated, I’d seen Ross Poldark in his features. When he’d been cheerful and sweet, but fiercely protective, I’d seen Kili. When he’d become introspective and torn between difficult decisions, he’d been John Mitchell to me. But now, as he stared at me this way, with that look of desire in his eyes, I saw very clearly that he was now Dante Gabriel Rossetti. And as I looked back into his darkened eyes, I admitted to myself that he was the character I might have been the most excited to see in him of all.

I smirked. “I figured if we were to have a proper dance, I should look the part.”

His hands still traveled up and down my waist as he bit his lip in interest. He didn’t speak as he took my hand in his and led me slowly towards an open area of sand, never taking his eyes off mine. It was a sensual and wanting look that he gave me as he stopped in front of me, and I felt my heart rate increase. My dress was performing even better than I’d expected it to, and now I was experiencing the benefits of such a small decision.

Aidan took his hands from my waist and placed them on my bare arms, leaving a trail of warmth as he stroked them gently. His face was inches from mine and his lips were slightly parted as he breathed evenly in front of me.

I gulped. “So…which dance will you teach me tonight?”

He blinked and reached up to push a stray strand of hair from my forehead. “I’m not sure I’ve the focus to teach you something new tonight, do you remember what we practiced before?” His voice was rough and his dark eyes were laced with a touch of kindness and warmth as he admitted his lack of control.

I breathed deeply, realizing his thoughts lingered on more than just a simple dance. I looked at his face, perfectly lit by the flicker of the nearby fire; a dark stubble surrounding perfect lips, and eyes that I found downright impossible to resist.

I felt all sense of caution begin to leave me as I slowly placed on hand in his and the other on his back, just as he’d shown me before.

He took a deep breath and lifted his elbow and began to count slowly. “One, two, three…one, two, three…”

I let him lead me effortlessly around the sand, not breaking eye contact. And with each round of steps, I noticed that he became closer and closer to me, closing the distance between our torsos slowly.

Eventually, his face was near the side of my neck and I felt his breath on my hair. Our chests were almost completely pressed against one another as we slowly moved together. I closed my eyes, completely entranced and deep into this moment, thinking of nothing else but him.

I soon felt Aidan’s lips on my neck, trailing warm kisses underneath my jaw and down to my shoulders. My body tingled in response to his touch and I leaned my head back slightly, giving him more access.

His hand eventually let go of mine and he placed it on the back of my head, tangling his fingers in my hair. Moving his head to look at me, I saw that his expression had turned even darker but also cautious as he searched my eyes for consent.

Every hair stood on end as I responded by leaning in and touching my lips to his, softly and gently. His lips answered with an urgency that I could not deny myself. His tongue begged for entranced and we embraced with a passion unmatched yet in our journey.

He placed his hand on the small of my back, holding me as he guided us down onto the soft sand, and he straddled me, kissing me deeply and trailing his hand down my neck and exposed skin. I was euphoric, forgetting all restraint I’d once had, as I slid my hands down his muscled arms, wanting to touch him wherever I could.

He kissed down the side of my face and to my ear, and I felt his hot breath, sending shivers down my spine again.

Trailing one hand down along the fabric of the skirt of my dress, he found the edge and pushed it slowly up my leg. My breath hitched in my throat as I realized the steps we were about to take. My body craved it so intensely, and I squeezed my eyes shut, wishing that I could let it happen, but I knew I couldn’t bring myself to allow us into such dangerous territory without talking to him about it first.

His fingers trailed up my thigh, electric and hot, as his warm lips kissed me below my ear. It took every ounce of my being to do what I had to do next.

“Aidan…” I whispered with some urgency.

“Mmhmmm…” He responded, sending vibrations into my neck.

“Aidan…we have to…” I breathed hard. “We have to talk about this…”

I felt him pause and he lifted his head to look at me. His eyes still burned with desire, but they became tentative and cautious when they found mine. I was breathing hard as I stared up at him, complete putty in his hands as I tried to regain my coherent thought.

He removed his hand from my leg and lifted his body from me slowly, coming to a kneeling position in front of me. “I’m sorry, Colette, I….”

I sat up and placed my hand on the side of his face. “No, Aidan…don’t be sorry. Please…that’s not what I meant.”

He gazed into my eyes curiously as his chest rose and fell heavily.

I ran my free hand through my hair, taking a deep breath. “As badly as I didn’t want you to stop, Aidan, I…” I paused, searching for words. “We have to talk about this…before it goes…too far.”

He bit his lip and looked down, resting his hands on his legs as he regained his breath. “I know…”

I touched him again and slid my fingers through the curls on the side of his head and looked up at him, trying to get him to look back at me. “We have to be smart about this. We don’t have…protection…” I breathed slowly, barely believing I was talking to him about this. “At least…I don’t.” I was tentative, watching him closely, hoping he had a better response.

But he looked up at me with remorseful eyes and shook his head no. I took a deep breath and rested my hand on his arm. “The risks…I just don’t want us to do something we’ll regret. We don’t know how long we’ll be here, and we _cannot…_ ” I put an emphasis on the word. “Bring a child onto this island…” The words came out of my mouth evenly and clearly, but inside I couldn’t believe that this was a conversation we were really having.

I felt bad that I’d stopped him in the middle of such a passionate moment, and I hoped that he wouldn’t be frustrated, but he blinked slowly and a small but warm smile fell across his face. He took my hand in his reassuringly. “No, you’re right. And I’ve thought of that too. I’m sorry, I lost a bit of control just then…”

I smiled back at him. “Losing a _bit_ of control is not the problem.” I smirked. “Please lose every _little bit_ of control you want.”

His lips turned up into a grin and his eyes sparkled again in response to my eagerness.

I continued. “But we have to keep the back of our minds in control…and I felt like we needed to talk about this before…well, before it went any further. I’m sorry to bring it up now. I should have done so earlier…” My heart was beating loudly as I spoke of such possibilities.

“No, Colette, you’re perfectly fine.” He smiled and scooted closer to me. Our legs weaved between each other as he grabbed my shoulders gently. “It’s been a bit of an elephant in the room and it needed to be discussed. This is all very real and there are dire consequences to our actions.” He kissed me gently and affectionately. “Whatever experiences I’m fortunate enough to experience with you here on our little island, whether it be tender kisses or something a _bit_ more…” His eyes twinkled again. “…I’ll be glad for it all, and I’ll be glad that we’ve been responsible about it.” His gaze traveled down my body again. “But that dress…might be dangerous.”

I grinned and kissed him again, deeply and with heartfelt emotion. “I can go change…” I chuckled.

“No, no..please don’t.” His eyes became dark again as he pulled back to look at me. “Wear that every day please…”

I laughed and leaned in to kiss him affectionately on the side of his neck. “If that’s what makes you happy…” My voice was a soft and intimate whisper.

He responded in a deep and rough voice. “It does indeed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew...sorry guys! Not yet! 😆
> 
> The slow burn continues....😁


	19. Reality

I waded through the shallow, rocky waters in the area near our campsite, searching for the leafy green seaweed that we sometimes included in our meals. It was scarce lately, and I was lucky to find even just a little bit of it. But I searched anyway, scanning the waters closely and watching the tiny fish scatter with every step I took.

I was deep in thought, pondering my recent feelings. In the few days that passed since Aidan and I talked about the reality of our situation and the control we’d have to have in terms of our intimacy, we hadn’t done much further. I’d joked with him that losing a _bit_ of control was ok, and I thought he’d understood me when I said that, but since then, he had _all_ the control in the world. We still shared passionate kisses and we were just as affectionate as ever, but I longed to feel his hands on me again.

Considering his behavior, my mind flashed back to just the previous evening. We’d been cuddled up in our cave, winding down for the night after a long day. Aidan’s eyes had been closed peacefully before I leaned in and kissed his soft lips gently.

“Mmmm…” He’d murmured, kissing me back gently. As I’d pulled back, he’d opened his eyes and they were filled with warmth and contentment.

I’d been poised next to him, perched on my elbow, looking down into his face. I’d trailed my fingers through his dark hair gently. It had grown a bit since I’d cut it, and it was starting to gain a mind of its own again.

“These curls…” I’d mused, twisting one of them around my finger affectionately.

Aidan had rubbed his hand gently up my arm. “You like them?”

“Very much…” I’d whispered, moving on to touch another.

“Then why did you go along with cutting them?” He’d smiled.

I’d leaned down and kissed along his jawline, feeling the rough stubble against my cheek. “Because you said you were too hot, and I wanted you to be comfortable.”

Aidan chuckled. “I can grow it out again, if you’d like.”

I’d leaned back and grinned at him. “But won’t you be annoyed to have to pull it up again?”

He’d taken a deep breath and lifted his hand, trailing it along the side of my face, towards my ear gently. “Well, I hope we aren’t here long enough for it to get to that point.”

“I wish I had your confidence…” I’d whispered sadly.

“We’ll make it off this island, Colette…Don’t worry.” His voice had been comforting and reassuring.

I’d smiled warmly at him. “Well, while we’re here, we can at least make the most of it…” And then I’d leaned down again to kiss him deeply. He’d responded in earnest, snaking his arm around my waist and pulling me closer to him.

His hand had rested on my back, warm and insistent, holding me to him tightly. I’d let my lips leave his mouth and had just began trailing kisses down his neck, when his hand had left my back and I heard him take a deep breath.

“We should get some sleep. I have the big task tomorrow of replacing some of the supports for the wall.” His voice had been kind and sincere, but his words had not been what I wanted to hear.

I’d stopped my assault on his neck and raised my head to look at him. He’d smiled and placed a chaste kiss on my lips before pulling me down onto his shoulder and wrapping his arms around me; the position we’d often fallen asleep in.

That night, along with the others that passed since our conversation about accidental pregnancy, left me a bit troubled and with more questions than answers.

Back in the present, I wondered if our pregnancy conversation had felt awkward to him, or if maybe he just felt like the control he needed would require him to draw the line much sooner than I would.

I sighed. Maybe he had a change of heart and realized that going much further with me would be even more of a disrespect to Jane? I scrunched my nose. I sincerely hoped that wasn’t the case. I needed him to pick a side. I wouldn’t let myself settle for only part of his heart. That would be unfair to both Jane and to myself. I hoped that we’d be able to talk about it soon, but I wasn’t sure how I’d ask without inflicting some sort of offense.

I lowered myself down onto a smooth rock and closed my eyes. The fact that I was even sitting here, contemplating the possibility and consequences of getting pregnant by Aidan Turner made me chuckle ironically for a moment. I was briefly transported back to the day before I stepped onto that plane, when I’d watched the conclusion to the second season/series of Poldark, and stared at him longingly. It felt like an eternity ago, and my life had changed so drastically since then. Regardless of the extreme danger I faced of becoming pregnant on a deserted island, I was also far from ready to raise a child, and I knew Aidan was too. Plus, we’d known each other for less than two months…though it felt like much longer. Caleb and I hadn’t slept together until we’d been dating for four months, but I already felt a thousand times closer with Aidan. The trials and tribulations we’d been through brought us closer on a level that only we could understand. Yet, one simple moment of passion could change things all in an instant. It wasn’t worth the risk. Even with my lack of nutrition and change in activity since I’d arrived here, my cycle was still as normal as ever – which was just a joy to deal with on a deserted island – and so I knew I couldn’t take any chances. This was not a game. This was real life.

I laid back onto the rock, keeping my eyes closed and thinking about Aidan’s behavior over the last few days. He wasn’t necessarily less affectionate. He was just…unchanged. It was like our conversation had put a halt on any progression of intimacy. Maybe it was for the best? Was I expecting too much, too soon? He’d had some sort of intense hold on me since long before we’d met. But for him, his attraction to me was much newer. Maybe he needed more time. But I thought about his cheekiness and his teasing; his Dante-like demeanor and the way he’d wanted to see more of me in that yellow dress. That couldn’t be it…

“Working hard, or hardly working?”

Aidan’s voice startled me, and I sat up quickly. He was grinning as he took a seat next to me. He placed a quick kiss on my lips and then rested his hand on my back; an apology for scaring me.

“There is literally, like, none of that seaweed left…” I frowned.

“Hmmm…” He replied, looking out into the water himself. “Well, we still have other things to eat at least. We can look again when maybe it’s grown back.”

“I suppose so…” I sighed, pulling my knees to my chest and wrapping my arms around them.

I watched the sea silently, resting my chin on my knees, deep in thought.

“Is anything else the matter?” Aidan asked gently.

I looked at him for a moment, searching his hazel eyes for some type of explanation for his bewildering behavior. But he looked back at me, appearing entirely curious about my mood and not a bit aware of his own.

I set my jaw. “How have you been these past few days?”

“I’ve been perfectly fine.” His eyes never left mine as he spoke with what appeared to be complete sincerity.

I raised an eyebrow at him slightly. “Nothing on your mind?”

He pulled his eyebrows together. “Colette, are you sure nothing is the matter?” His face was concerned, as if he had no idea why I was bothered.

I took a deep breath, realizing that I was going to have to outright explain to him what I was feeling, and I dreaded the possibility of feeling embarrassed. I held eye contact for a moment, considering my words. “Well, it’s been a few days since we talked about…” But I stopped speaking, because Aidan was now staring over my head with wide eyes.

“A plane…” He breathed. “A plane…” This time a bit louder as he slowly stood up.

I swung my head around, looking up into the sky where he’d been staring. A tiny silver speck, much like the one we’d seen last time, was slowly approaching in the distance.

“A plane, Colette, A PLANE!” He was almost yelling now as he clambered from the rocks towards the fire.

I scrambled to my feet, trying to breathe through my shock, and ran through the sand towards him.

“Get anything you can find! Throw it on the fire!” He yelled in a panic.

I felt the blood rushing from my head and the adrenaline coursing to my hands and feet, carrying me towards fallen palm fronds and stray driftwood, finding anything and everything I could to add to the flames. I looked up at the sky again, the plane was larger, still headed in our direction.

My eyes darted to the large SOS we’d formed on the sand. It was still very legible. We made sure to keep it that way. There was nothing else to do, just like last time, but increase the size of the flames and wait.

We threw every last piece of anything we could find onto the fire and it grew quickly to be taller than Aidan, crackling and winding wildly. But it was midday, and the light from the flames were surely much less noticeable than they’d be in the dusk of evening.

Aidan and I stood next to each other, watching the plane, chests rising and falling as we caught our breaths. We didn’t speak as we watched it, coming almost as close as the first plane had, a month and a half ago.

The tension in the air was palpable as we both waited for an answer to a question we may never fully get.

Slowly, the tiny silver speck began to bank to the left, away from our island, and stared, disbelieving, and then I hung my head back, defeated once again. The warm afternoon air blew through my hair and I breathed it in slowly, realizing we’d missed out again.

Aidan swore loudly next to me and I closed my eyes, bracing myself for the reality that still had us in its grips. Turning back towards the fire, I silently picked up the stick we’d designated as our “poker” and began to spread the logs, bringing the fire back down to a manageable level. I knew that an angry reaction from myself would do me no good, so I remained quiet.

“Two planes in a WHOLE month. What kind of dead zone are we in?” Aidan’s loud voice snarled, and in his rage, he kicked a basket of coconuts over onto the ground and grabbed one and whipped it as hard as he could into the ocean. “Why are they not flying directly overhead!!?”

I continued separating the logs, not in a state to reply to him in a productive way.

“We’re never going to get off of this godforsaken island.” He growled, sinking to the sand with a loud thud and throwing his arm over his knee, breathing loudly.

I slowly and quietly walked past him to pick up the disturbed coconuts and placed them back in the basket neatly.

“We will someday.” I said gently, trying to use his own confidence back on him.

“Not like this we won’t.” His voice was still very raised and slightly intimidating. “Not if they don’t fly directly overhead to see us!” He threw his hand into the sky defeatedly and then wiped both of them down his face and then up through his hair. “God, we can’t be stuck here forever together.” He hung his head.

I watched his crushed figure quietly. I wasn’t sure how he meant them to be taken, but his words stung. I grimaced. “I’m sure there are many people you’d rather be seeing back at home than me…” My words came out, dead and emotionless, before I had a chance to stop myself.

With his hands still in his hair, he looked up at me with angry eyes. “What?”

I held the basket of coconuts in my arms, playing with a stray leaf that had come loose. “I’m sure you’re eager to get back and make sure Jane is ok. The longer you’re here, the further away from you she’ll grow.” My voice was quiet.

Aidan was still looking at me in disbelief, but his expression quickly turned to disgust. “You can’t be serious. You know that’s not why I want us to get rescued, Colette.” The coldness in his voice upset me.

Looking down again, I continued. “You’ve never been able to really end things with her, maybe you’d like to get back and make sure you really want that door closed.”

“What are you even talking about? Why would you think that?” He was clearly very angry now, and his voice was laced with distaste.

His tone shook me slightly, but I gritted my teeth and set the basket down hard on the ground. I glared down at him with my jaw set. He stared back at me with narrowed eyes. Breathing deeply, I replied with a raised voice of my own. “Oh, I don’t know Aidan, maybe because you’ve barely _touched_ me since that conversation we had…DAYS AGO.” My own frustration and anger surprised me as it bubbled up from my very core, clearly encouraged by the extreme disappointment we’d just endured with the plane.

Our eyes locked for a few long seconds and I watched his eyebrows pull together in confusion, but remnants of his irritation still remained. He was silent.

I raised my own eyebrow again, seeing through his bewilderment. He looked like he was just now realizing that I’d been affected by his actions, or lack thereof. I spoke again. “Yeah, that’s right, I noticed…”

I let out a long breath and turned from him quickly before he could respond, walking away with purpose towards the emotional safety of the overhang of trees deep into the island.

I pushed branches out of my way, weaving between trees and leaves, trying to get as far away from the uncomfortable situation as possible. Finding a fallen tree, I sat down hard onto the trunk and let out a frustrated groan. I rubbed my hand on my forehead, massaging between my eyes.

I knew my words to him had been harsh, but they came from a place deep down inside me that I’d kept buried, because I was afraid of my feelings on the subject. I knew Aidan wanted us off the island for our safety. That was obvious. But the way he’d said he didn’t want to be stuck here forever _together,_ made me wince. Whether or not he meant anything by it, that combination of words awakened doubts in my mind that I’d tried to suppress for weeks.

I’d liked to believe those doubts were untrue, but I realized that I may never be able to debunk them until Aidan had his closure with Jane. And on top of that, I still didn’t know why he’d been so chaste with me these last few days. I could tell by his facial expression when I brought it up, that he knew that he’d been behaving that way, and that it had been on purpose, but he’d gone silent, and not explained why.

Was he losing interest in me? Or did he no longer have interest in me _or_ Jane? Maybe he just wanted to get off this island so that he could be alone for once.

My personal truth was that I had no idea. I was clueless and would remain that way until otherwise convinced.

My feelings for him had grown so deeply in the last month, and I longed for a future with him. But what if he didn’t feel the same way? Would this time on our island be the only time we had together? This small glimpse of euphoria I experienced with him; was it all just temporary? Surely, everything would change if we were ever rescued, but would those changes mean saying goodbye to him forever?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eeeek. 😬


	20. Doubt

A few moments after I’d sat down on the log, my breathing returned to normal and I was able to think clearly again.

I felt bad.

I shouldn’t have accused Aidan of still having feelings for Jane. Those were worries I had in my own head, but it wasn’t fair for me to pin those on him. Alleging such things was unkind and wouldn’t do our relationship any good. My emotions had been high after the plane passed and I’d lost control of myself. I could have been so much more productive if I’d let myself cool down instead of saying something so reckless.

But at the same time, I was frustrated that I still had no explanation from him regarding his behavior these last few days. And, even if I did, how did I know what to believe?

I thought about his face when I’d accused him of wanting to return to Jane. It was an awful thing to see. His anger and disbelief were very much prevalent in his intense expression. He had a way of contorting his face so deeply that I felt physical pain, knowing I’d done that to him. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to wipe it from my memory.

I was ashamed of what I said, but was also still completely confused about his behavior over the past few days and I felt like I deserved an explanation.

As I hung my head, defeated by my own doubts and emotions, I heard the crack of a branch nearby. I glanced up to see Aidan walking towards me, an expression of irritation still on his face.

I closed my eyes briefly and took a deep breath, not ready to talk to him yet.

He came to a stop a few meters in front of me and stood, silently facing me. I slowly opened my eyes to look at him again. There was a deep crease in his forehead and his eyebrows were pulled together as he studied me.

“Colette…” He began. His voice was deep and strict. “My reason for wanting to leave this island has nothing to do with Jane. You must know that.”

I breathed slowly, watching his body language as he spoke. His stance was wide and rigid, and his hands were clenched at his sides. He was still on edge. I wasn’t sure how to expect him to act in this state. I held his gaze, but I did not respond.

“I’ve told you, she’s in my past now. It’s over with her. I don’t know why you still can’t see that.” His jaw was still tight as he spoke, and I knew he was on the brink of an outburst.

Afraid that he might raise his voice again, and feeling guilty that I’d made him this angry, I felt my bottom lip began to tremble. “But how could I see that?” I whispered softly, unable to use my full voice; wishing that he could understand how I felt.

“How could you not?” His voice was still tight, but he took a step towards me. His expression was still irritated. “I don’t understand. You said just then that I haven’t touched you lately, but I’m confused. I’ve done nothing but express my feelings for you over these last few weeks. I can’t even remember ever bringing up her name. Why are you still lingering on that?”

I could tell that he had no idea that I was on the verge of tears, because his words were still cold and harsh. He was clearly very confused, and I wished I could just reverse time and restart this whole conversation.

I swallowed. “Can you not see?” A tear began to well in my eye

“See what?” Aidan extended his arms out in frustrated bewilderment.

My lower lip began to tremble even more, and I closed my eyes, allowing tears to spill from under my eyelashes, trailing down my cheeks. I didn’t even know what to think anymore. Was I blowing this whole thing out of proportion? Was my mind making up doubts that weren’t even there? “I don’t know…I’m sorry…” A sob escaped as I started to wish I hadn’t brought anything up in the first place.

“Colette…” His voice became soft and I felt him come to sit down next to me. “Look, I’m not angry with you. I’m just on edge right now. Please, tell me what’s the matter.”

I opened my eyes and looked at him. Through my tears, his blurry hazel eyes were exhausted and sad as he watched me for an answer.

“Everything is just a disaster…” I choked softly. “We’re stuck on this dumb island, and you don’t even want to be here with me…”

“Hang on, what?” Aidan sat back, looking at me with bewilderment. “When did I say that?”

I sniffed. “You said…you said you didn’t want to be stuck here forever… _together_.”

“Did I say that?” Aidan blinked, trying to remember, and then he frowned again. “Ugh, I didn’t mean it that way, Colette, I was shattered back there. I wasn’t thinking clearly. What I meant was that because we were both here…as in, _you_ were here, I wished I could do anything in my power to get you home safe, even if it meant me staying here alone.”

I looked up at him through wet eyelashes and furrowed my brow. The way he’d originally phrased it did not communicate his intentions well.

“I’m sorry it was taken the wrong way. That’s my fault.” He frowned. His voice was quieter now, more sympathetic.

“Oh.” I replied quietly, wiping my nose and looking down, away from him. I still doubted his true feelings.

Aidan shifted next to me. “Colette…” His voice was soft. “Look at me.”

I slowly raised my eyes to him, but another tear dropped down my cheek. I was a mess, and beyond any chance of getting control of my emotions at this point. I’d given up on that.

He was watching me sorrowfully. There was no longer any anger in his eyes, just puzzlement and sympathy. He took my face gently in his hands and wiped the tears from my cheeks with his thumbs. “You still don’t believe me.” It wasn’t a question; it was a statement. He knew I wasn’t there yet.

I swallowed with some difficulty. “I _want_ to.”

He dropped his hands to mine in my lap and held them gently. His skin was warm and comforting. “I know you may never fully believe me until we leave this island…if…we leave this island.” He added. It was the first time in weeks that I’d heard him question our chances of rescue, and it made me nervous. He continued; his expression pleading with me. “But, please tell me what I can do to ease your worries a bit.”

I watched him silently, afraid of what to say. My chest still trembled slightly from my lingering sobs.

When he saw that I was still remaining quiet, he rubbed his thumb across my knuckles gently. “You said I’ve barely touched you lately…but I’m not sure what you mean by that.”

I stared at him, disbelieving. Was he still that clueless? I frowned. If he didn’t know what I’d meant by that, then maybe it was all in my head.

“Look, I know you feel like I’m keeping some big secret from you, but you’re going to have to tell me what I’m doing wrong here.” He said when I still didn’t speak. “Because I’m at a loss.”

I really was going to have to explain this all to him, whether or not I embarrassed myself in the process. Realizing I’d been quiet too long, I took a deep breath and looked up into his inquisitive eyes. “You remember the conversation we had last week about…boundaries?”

“Of course I do.” His eyes never left mine, calm and reassuring.

He was still oblivious, so I continued. “Do you remember what I said about…” I swallowed nervously. “…not losing all control, but just a _bit_ of control?”

“Yes…” He replied tentatively, and I saw the tiniest bit of realization form in his eyes.

I was hoping that he’d understand, and I wouldn’t have to make a fool of myself explaining my silly emotions and doubts to him. But I knew I had to. “Well…the thing is..you’ve not lost one bit of control since then, and…” I looked at him pleadingly. “…Please don’t make me keep explaining this…”

He squeezed my hand and sat forward, his eyes softening. “ _That’s_ what you meant by saying I hadn’t touched you?” It was as if it all hit him at once.

I nodded shyly and I felt my cheeks turn red. I became self-conscious, feeling like I was starting to look like some sort of nymphomaniac to him, craving his touch more than he was willing to give it.

He wiped his hand down his face. “Wow, well that plan backfired…”

I pulled my eyebrows together, not sure what he meant.

When he looked back at me, a hint of a smile crossed his face. I was so confused. But he took my hands in his again and looked at me deeply. “Colette…” His eyes were almost amused. “Don’t you for one second think that I’m not wanting to be touching you…” He chuckled slightly. “That is the furthest thing from the truth.”

I watched his expression with bewilderment, trying to understand where his emotions were.

“The reason I took a step back after our talk was because I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.” He said softly.

I gaped at him. “Why did you think that would make me uncomfortable?”

He smiled again and ran his fingers through a strand of hair that had fallen next to my face. “You seemed quite concerned about the risks of our intimacy, which I don’t blame you for, and I wanted to make sure you felt like I was respecting those risks.”

Tension released from my shoulders and I watched him try to explain himself. How had we been on such drastically different pages?

“I’m sorry.” He said quietly. “I hadn’t realized this was affecting you so much. In perfect honesty, I was just trying to be respectful.”

I still watched him in disbelief. “But…then, what did you think I meant by ‘losing a _bit_ of control?’” I was trying to figure out where our lines had gotten crossed.

“I don’t know…but, apparently not what you were thinking.” He started to smirk again.

“Oh, God…” I covered my face and started to stand up away from him, completely, over the edge embarrassed about our miscommunication and what he must think of me now.

Aidan grabbed my arm and pulled me back down next to him, laughing. “Colette, hey, come here.”

I reluctantly sat back down next to him and stared down at my knees, mortified.

“Hey…” His voice was kind and he took his finger and placed it under my chin, lifting my gaze to his.

I was greeted by a wide smirk and a set of sparkling, amused eyes; a far cry from the irritation he’d displayed at the start of our conversation. He spoke again. “I can assure you that my mind would have been in the same place as yours, had I let it go there, but you’re so quiet and reserved. I thought you were content with sticking around first base for a bit. So, that’s where I stayed.”

I blushed again. “Am I that hard to read?”

Aidan’s smile turned warm. “Well, we’ve only known each other for a month and a half, so yes, I’m still learning.” He chuckled.

“I suppose you’re right.” I replied, frowning. “But it feels like so much longer…”

“It does…” Aidan agreed. “Time moves differently when you’re alone with just one other person, learning about only them.”

I sighed and thought about how I must look to him. He clearly saw me as delicate and quiet, which, I was in some sense, but he was somehow surprised to know that I was already craving a more intimate relationship with him. I scrunched my nose. Was I coming off as overly eager?

I sighed. “I’m a bit mortified that my mind was in a place you weren’t expecting from me.” I closed my eyes self-consciously. “I don’t know what you must think of me…”

Aidan placed his hands on my shoulders, and I opened my eyes to see him grinning cheekily at me. “I’ll tell you what I think of you.” His eyes twinkled. “Knowing you were thinking of those things has got me feeling a certain way, and maybe I’ve underestimated you.”

I watched his mischievous face and saw his eyes begin to burn a bit darker again. Encouraged by his response, I replied bravely back to him. “Maybe you have…”

He gripped my shoulders tightly and leaned in, planting a firm and emotional kiss on my lips, breathing deeply. I sank into it, relieved that he seemed to have a positive response to my deeper desires.

When he pulled back, his expression lightened. “It seems we need to do a better job of communicating.”

I smiled. “We’ll have to work on it.”

His eyes turned serious again. “And again, I’m very sorry that my actions and my words made you question my feelings. That’s the last thing I wanted. I was trying to do the exact opposite.”

I took a breath and placed my hand on his. “Look, I’m sorry too about what I said back there on the beach. That was out of line and hurtful. I feel very bad…”

I watched him blink slowly, accepting my apology, and I continued. “But I’m also not going to deny that I still have doubts…and none of those are your fault.” I added quickly. “But as you said, I don’t know if they’ll leave my mind unless we are rescued, and I can see for myself that you’ve had closure with her.” I frowned. “I mean, who knows what kind of reaction she’s going to have when she finds out. For all I know, you could change your mind based off of her response.”

He squeezed my hand and opened his mouth to speak, but I kept on before he had a chance. “And you’ve told me you’d like to still be with me…if we leave…but we haven’t even begun to talk about what that would mean. I live a fairly uneventful and simple life in LA. You travel the world, you’re away for long periods of time, you have your life under a microscope. I wouldn’t know how I’d fit into that…”

Aidan pressed his lips together, formulating his response. I waited for him to say something comforting, assuring me that my fears weren’t warranted.

He smiled simply. “You’re right.”

I frowned at him, surprised by his answer.

“You’re right to have all of those doubts.” He continued. “They all make perfect sense. But I can tell you this…” He paused. “No matter what Jane thinks about us, it’s not going to change the way I feel about you. And I already feel more strongly for you that I ever did for her. There is not a question in my mind there.” He looked at me sympathetically. “So, if you can try to work on putting any of your doubts to rest, that’s the one.”

I smiled slightly, believing him in this moment; wishing I could believe him in all of the moments.

Aidan took a deep breath. “In terms of how we’ll navigate our relationship when and if we get back, I can’t be sure. It will be a whole different adventure. I think about it sometimes. We don’t know each other in the ‘real world.’” He used quotes. “It’ll be almost like we’re meeting again for the first time…”

I dropped my eyes from him, realizing that he was right. I had no idea what he’d be like when faced with the distractions of reality. He didn’t know what to expect from me either. Maybe we were wildly incompatible in that way. Maybe we’d grow apart and realize it wouldn’t work.

I felt Aidan’s hand touch my arm gently. “Our situation is unique, for sure, but we have something here, Colette. I know you feel it too.” He paused. “All we can do is keep moving in the same direction while we’re here, and if that day comes, and we get off this island, we’ll remember our foundation and build upon it.”

I raised my gaze to him, and he was smiling. It was an expression of hope, and of comfort, and almost of something else. But I didn’t dare let my brain explore that thought.


	21. Accident

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A word of warning: Starting with this chapter, there will be a few scenes throughout the remainder of this story which toe the line a bit between a teen rating and a mature rating. These scenes are not written for the intent of becoming erotica, but are extremely vital to building the relationship between the characters. I've worked hard to write them as such and keep them tasteful, but I feel the need to give warning to anyone who might be uncomfortable with anything more than a steamy kissing scene, because, it'll eventually get a little more heated than that 😉
> 
> And as for those of you who are chomping at the bit for more of exactly that, enjoy 😁

I stared down at the lifeboat with my hands on my hips. There was less than an inch of water at the bottom, not enough for more than a day. I sighed and rubbed my forehead. I could barely remember the last time it had rained, which was unusual in this tropical climate.

In the distance, I saw Aidan walking towards me down the beach, lit by the setting sun, with his bow slung over his shoulder. He’d gone out to hunt after our chat that afternoon, eager to get his mind off of the irritating close call with the plane. But I noticed that he was returning empty-handed, and he was walking with a defeated posture.

I turned towards him and watched him arrive and toss his bow the ground in front of me. “Have you noticed that the birds are becoming more scarce?” He asked, frowning and running his hand through his hair.

I furrowed my brow, trying to remember the last time I’d seen one. “You know, you’re right…come to think of it, I haven’t seen many at all lately.”

“The last time I went out hunting, I barely managed to find one. Today, I couldn’t find any. I’ve seen a few smaller ones, but none of those that are large enough to eat.” He sighed.

I turned my head towards the lifeboat. “Our water is low too…I feel like it hasn’t rained in forever.”

Aidan glared at the boat and the small amount of water that remained. “Maybe the birds _are_ leaving the island. Maybe they know something we don’t…”

I looked at him with wide eyes as it hit me too. “You think…a drought?”

His concerned eyes met mine. “I don’t know…I hope not…” He turned slowly from me and went to stoke the fire.

I watched him, breathlessly, wondering what kind of treacherous conditions lay ahead of us.

Aidan looked up at the darkening sky. “It’s getting too dark to fish now. It’ll have to be coconuts tonight.” His gaze found mine again and he looked defeated.

I looked over at our basket. There was only one left. “I can go get some more…” I suggested.

“No, no. You stay put. I’ll take care of it.” He replied, turning from me and heading into the canopy of trees.

I sat down next to the fire. If the birds were leaving the island, then there must be another one close by, but in what direction, and how close really? The idea of taking matters into our own hands and leaving the island ourselves was always an option we discussed, but if we tried to leave on our own, how would we even begin to decide which direction to search? I shivered, thinking about being stuck on a raft in the middle of the pacific, with no land in sight in any direction. That risk was certainly not the answer to our problems.

Looking back at our lifeboat, I thought about our lack of water. The last time we’d been without drinking water, before our very first storm, desperation had set in. I swallowed nervously, remembering how weak I’d become. Since then, rainstorms had been plentiful, but now, it had been many days since we’d seen any hint of precipitation. Without water, it didn’t even matter if we had birds to eat. Nothing else mattered if we couldn’t stay hydrated…

I took a deep breath and began shifting the coals of the fire around aimlessly. I’d felt like Aidan and I had made positive headway in our relationship today. The last thing I wanted was for a dark veil of hopelessness to hang over us once again.

My mind took me back to our chat earlier. It was amazing what a deep, healing conversation did to my already growing feelings for him. To know that we’d argued, and then come out the other side, stronger for it, gave me hope for a future of increased closeness with him. But at the same time, I thought about how Aidan had shared in my fears of what might happen if we returned together and tried to continue our relationship in the real world. Would our lifestyles be compatible at all? Jane was a dancer, and had her share of moments in the public eye. She was used to it. I knew nothing of the sort. My ten seconds of fame happened when I was five years old and the local news crew interviewed me on the spot about a brand-new playground at the local park. How would I respond to my life being turned upside down if I stayed with him? I sighed. I knew I was getting ahead of myself.

Water. Water was what I needed to be worried about right now.

Eventually, Aidan came back through the trees with a basketful of fresh coconuts. He placed them in front of us and sat down. “At least there are still plenty of these.” He peeled the husk from one and cut a hole in the top before handing it to me.

I drank it gratefully and then went to work on eating the hard, white flesh. It wasn’t incredibly satisfying, but it was food. I cleared my throat and looked at Aidan who was eating silently, leaning against one of the large boulders. “Well, even if the birds aren’t around right now, we still have fish.”

Aidan smiled tightly at me and then looked away. “Yes, we still have fish.” His response lacked animation. It seemed like his mind was in a different place, and I didn’t blame him. We were on the brink of a potentially life-threatening situation if the birds were right to leave the island due to an impending drought. And I’d come to learn that animals usually knew more than we did.

“We’ll need to gather a lot more coconuts, to keep us hydrated, if it doesn’t rain.” I said quietly.

“We’re on a tropical island. It has to rain soon…” Aidan responded, as if pleading with Mother Nature. He threw his empty coconut onto the fire.

I frowned, wishing we didn’t have to worry. But instead of lingering on that thought, I decided to change the subject and try to put his mind at ease. I scooted closer to him. “You know, I’m really glad we talked this afternoon.”

He blinked and then looked at me again. His eyes softened. “Me too. I learned a lot about you.”

“It felt good to just be honest and transparent. We should do that more often.” I smiled.

“Aye, and I learned that I apparently need to pay more attention to your subtle signals.” He chucked quietly, placing his hand on my forearm.

I grinned. “My apologies for being so cryptic.”

His eyes twinkled back at me. “Well, now I know a bit more of what’s going on in that mind of yours.”

I smirked, studying his perfect face, illuminated by the flickering fire nearby. Thanks to his electric razor that still had a bit of life to it, just a faint dark stubble framed his strong jawline. He was watching me with amusement. My heart began to beat faster. I longed to be close to him again.

“Would you like to dance?” I asked, smiling coyly.

His eyes bore into mine and I saw them begin to burn a bit deeper. “I don’t want to dance.” He responded, low and simple. And then he placed his hand firmly on my hip and pulled me towards him, guiding me up and over, facing him, straddling his lap, never breaking eye contact.

I grinned and placed my hands on either side of his neck, feeling the rough stubble there. “Ok, we don’t have to dance.” I whispered happily.

I felt his hands find my back, pulling me closer to him. His lips reached mine and he kissed me slowly and tenderly. My fingers found the back of his head, tangling in his hair, holding him to me for a moment.

When I pulled back briefly, I looked down into his hazel eyes. My hair hung down around my face, framing him beneath me. He was gazing up fixedly at me as I was perched on his lap.

“Do you realize how absolutely beautiful you are?” He asked quietly.

I smirked. “I think you’re drunk off of that coconut.”

He smiled slightly but turned serious again. “I’m really not sure what I did to deserve you…”

I grinned again, finding it hard to believe that he could feel as lucky with me as I did with him. “Well, for starters, you saved my life. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you…”

He frowned, as if realizing the enormity of the conditions and circumstances we’d endured, and then he took my face in his hands, pulling me back down to him again.

His kiss was deep and emotional, and his hands trailed down to my back again, leaving a path of electricity where he touched me. We were pressed, chest-to-chest against each other, breathing deeply. And then his mouth found my neck and I let my head hang back, giving his warm lips access to the delicate skin there.

As he continued to express his deep desires in this wonderfully physical way, I felt his hands move to my sides, and then they trailed upwards, inching closer to the front as they went. I wanted to look at him again, but his lips on my neck were insistent and I could do nothing but hang my head, at the mercy of his kisses and caresses. I could feel his rough hands through the thin fabric of my shirt, moving upward, and then finally reaching my chest, causing an escape of breath through my parted lips. His touch was assertive yet tender, sending jolts of electricity to deeper parts of me; parts of me that could now feel, in this position as I straddled him, that he was eager too.

It was enough to send my emotions into overdrive and I tilted my head back down towards him and crashed my lips into his, burying my fingers in his hair, as I surrendered to his touch.

We kissed feverishly, all hands and lips, succumbing to the previously suppressed cravings and letting them free, until a sudden loud crackling and bright display lit up from the fire behind me and we both jumped. I spun around to see that the logs of the fire must have been teetering delicately, because they had collapsed in on themselves, sending sparks flying in all directions.

After the initial shock, I briefly became amused by such a silly interruption to our passionate moment, and started to grin, but then Aidan’s body tensed, and he started to lift me off of him.

“Oh shi…” He almost swore as I quickly shifted to the ground next to him and he jumped to his feet, eyes wide as he looked at the fire.

I spun around again and saw that one of the sparks had landed precariously on one of the lemongrass bushes we’d planted outside our shelter. On the leaf that it touched, a small flame began to form, singing a hole and dropping burning pieces onto the leaves below it.

Aidan dashed over to the bush and quickly stomped the burning leaf with his foot, choking it of oxygen and extinguishing it quickly.

I was now standing up, with my hand on my heart, which now beat faster for a different reason. He’d acted fast to stop the spread of flames, and I was grateful for his quick thinking.

Aidan was breathing hard, and he looked up at me, relieved, but tense. “These bushes are dry…that’s why it caught so quickly.”

I gaped at him for a moment. “What if we’d been sleeping?” I breathed, imagining waking up to intense flames and heat. We had no way to extinguish a large brush fire. It would definitely have continued to spread, and without rain, it would surely dig into our supply of coconuts and maybe render this island completely uninhabitable.

“I think I’ll have to let the fire burn completely out tonight. We can’t take any chances.” Aidan said, taking a stick and spreading out the remaining logs.

I walked towards him, still in shock from the close call, and worried that he was on edge again, but he turned to me and smiled. “Well, that was a jolt, wasn’t it?” He wrapped his free arm around me, and I rested my head on his chest. Our passionate moment was gone, but I didn’t mind much. The warmth of his body and his protective arm around me helped to slow my heartrate, and I relaxed into him, closing my eyes.

“Tired?” He whispered, kissing the top of my head.

“Mhmm…” I replied softly, surprised that even I could be so sleepy after what we’d just been through. But it was as if this last shock was all that was needed for my mind to succumb to the exhaustion of a day filled with deep emotions.

“You can go ahead and go to bed.” He whispered. “I’ll stay out here and watch the fire burn out.”

I yawned. “No, I’ll stay with you.”

He didn’t argue, but sat down again, leaning against the rock, and I sat next to him and rested my head on his shoulder. We both watched the small flames lick at the red-hot coals that remained, slowly cooling and disappearing.

I felt my eyes begin to flutter shut, but Aidan spoke up softly. “It’s amazing, the connection I feel with you, now that we’ve been through so much together…”

He was becoming introspective, and I loved that part of him, but I could barely keep my eyes open. “Mhmm…” I managed to reply.

“I’ve never really felt this before.” He paused. “I thought I had. But I don’t think I ever really knew what it meant to support, yet also rely on someone so strongly. We really _need_ each other. And I adore that. It’s really something special.”

“ _You’re_ special.” I mumbled in my half-awake state.

I felt Aidan’s shoulder shake as he chuckled softly. I smiled, feeling at peace knowing that he was happy.

I knew he could tell that I was falling asleep, because he gently placed his hand in my hair and trailed his fingers softly through it, lulling me even deeper from consciousness. I let my eyes fully close and relished in the warmth of his shoulder. The gentle strokes of his fingers began to soothe me to sleep.

***

  
The next morning, after Aidan started the fire again – it was easy now that the kindling was bone-dry – he left for a while to fish. We were both hungry after having eaten so little last night, and I eagerly awaited his return.

It was a bright and sunny day, not a cloud in the sky, and I scowled, wishing to see any indication of an approaching storm.

When the fire was stable, I decided to take a walk towards the water, and see if I could catch a glimpse of Aidan. I liked to watch him, skillfully bobbing up out of the water, occasionally placing a fresh catch into the basket, never giving up until he had enough for a meal.

I walked towards the boulders that marked the part of the beach where he always swam directly out from, and smiled, planning to perch myself atop one of the rocks and enjoy the show. Except, my smile quickly dropped from my face when I heard a sound that chilled me to the bone.

“ARGHHHAHHH.” Aidan’s pained yell echoed from behind a nearby boulder and my heart dropped. My feet moved quickly underneath me, propelling myself around the boulder, afraid of what I might see.

When Aidan came into view, I was horrified to see that he was laying on the wet sand, clutching his leg and moaning in pain. Bright red blood swirled in the bit of water around him, trailing from the spot on his leg where his hands held tightly.

I felt my head go numb, shocked by what I was seeing. “Oh my God…what happened?!” I scrambled down next to him and tried to look at his leg, but his hands were covering the source of the blood.

“UGH…ARGHHH…caught on…the coral…” He moaned again.

“Aidan…move your hands. Let me see.” I said urgently, trying to keep my wits about me and avoid going into a full panic.

I looked at his face, which was twisted into a pained and distressed expression. He squinted his eyes shut, breathing heavily.

Eventually, he slowly moved his hands slightly, revealing something worse than I’d expected to see. There was a deep, long gash along the side of his calf; much deeper than the one he’d sustained on his face in the plane crash. My stomach grew queasy. The blood hadn’t done it, but the deepness of the wound was extremely unsettling. When he’d released it, the amount of blood increased instantly, and I swallowed, trying to compose myself.

“Ok, ok, put your hands back. Hold it tightly.” I squeaked, looking around and trying to figure out what my next move was. The water around him was now a deep red. He was bound to bleed out if we didn’t act quickly.

“A belt, Aidan, do you have a belt?” I was horribly out of breath, but I knew we had to stop the bleeding.

“My…UGHHH….my bag…in my bag…” He groaned, holding his leg tightly.

I touched his shoulder briefly. “Ok, hang on. Hang on…I’ll be right back. Don’t move.” And then I stood up with every ounce of effort and left him on the beach in a pool of his own blood.

I ran at full speed, purely fueled by adrenaline, back to our shelter and tore inside, falling to the ground in front of his leather bag and fumbling with the zipper nervously. When my fingers cooperated with me and I finally had it open, I dug through its contents, feeling around until my hands came in contact with the smooth, stiff leather of a belt. I yanked it from the bag then shifted to my own suitcase. I pulled it open and threw the contents of my cosmetics pouch onto the ground, fumbling for the antibiotic ointment. But when I picked the small tube up, I saw that it was completely empty.

I wasn’t one to swear, but I did so, loudly into the quiet of our shelter, and slammed the empty tube to the ground. Trying not to miss a beat and lose more time, thought hard for a moment, and then remembered the small emergency sewing kit I’d seen in the elderly couple’s bag. I found it quickly and grabbed one of my t-shirts before standing up and dashing back outside and towards the beach again.

As I ran, I did my best to even my breathing, realizing that it was I who would need to remain calm and do what was needed if Aidan was to survive this injury. I didn’t know many medical skills, but I did know that if we didn’t stop the bleeding and close up the wound, he would only continue to get worse.

I rounded the boulder again, praying that Aidan was still conscious, and I was relieved to see that he was. He continued to clutch his leg, but his face was paler, and his groans had turned to labored breathing instead.

I collapsed to my knees next to him and looped the belt under his leg, just above his knee and pulled it as tightly as I possibly could. Aidan winced at the pressure.

“I know, I know…” I said gently. “But we have to stop the bleeding.”

I looked at his contorted face again. His lips were white as his tortured eyes stared into mine.

I took a deep breath and set my jaw, trying to be ready for what I would have to do next. Then I took the t-shirt I’d brought and held it out to him. “Bite down on this.”

His eyes widened slightly, but he took it from me, stuffed it into his mouth, and then leaned his head back onto the ground in preparation.

When he released his other hand from his leg, the bleeding was less, and I was able to get a better look at the gash. It was deep; really deep, and I swallowed hard again, not sure if I could do what I had to do. But I took a deep breath and opened the sewing kit. With shaking fingers, I took out a needle and spool and held them up to my eye, trying to thread the tiny hole in the needle while in my state of immense shock and disbelief. When I finally had success, I positioned the sharp point next to his skin, at the edge of his wound, and took a deep, shaking breath, having not a clue how to perform the task I knew I had to do.


	22. Fear

“Ok, hold still.” I said through gritted teeth, still holding the needle poised at his skin. I squinted my eyes shut for a second, dreading the reality of what I had to do. But eventually, I took a deep breath, opened my eyes, and slowly made the first stitch.

“UGHH…” Aidan moaned into the t-shirt in his mouth. His leg twitched, slightly, in response.

“I know, I’m sorry. But you have to hold still.” I replied gently but with urgency. I used my free hand to hold his leg in place as I began the next stitch.

Aidan breathed hard this time and I saw his hands clenched at his sides, but his leg remained still this time. He was fighting through it.

Trying to pretend like I was working on some sort of demented art project, and not a real leg, I continued the stitches, closing up his wound tightly. In this moment of panic, I was impressed with my ability to persevere through something that would usually make me queasy. Aidan continued to wince, but he stayed still enough that I could finish the job to the best of my unskilled abilities.

I tied a knot, finishing the last stitch, and sat back on my heels, studying my work. It wasn’t pretty, but the gash was now held closed. “Ok, I’m done…” I breathed slowly.

Aidan opened his eyes and lifted his head to look at his leg. He grimaced when he saw it and took the t-shirt out of his mouth, handing it to me. I tore long strips and tied them around his leg, like I’d done with his wound on his face, and then I slowly released the pressure of the belt above his knee.

Aidan groaned again, likely feeling the blood return to his leg and receiving a new round of pain.

I scooted towards his head and placed my hand on the side of his face, brushing his hair out of his eyes. “How are you doing?” I asked, pulling my brows together.

His lips were still white, and his breathing was still labored. “How bad is it?” He whispered.

I frowned, not wanting to be honest. “You’re going to be ok…” I spoke quietly back at him, but deep down, I wasn’t sure what amount of truth was in that wishful thinking. It was a deep wound, and without antibiotic ointment, I didn’t know how likely it was to become infected. “Let’s get you up onto the shore and out of the water.” I said, looping my arm under his and helping him scoot backwards up further from the blood-stained tide that surrounded him. His body was heavy, and he could only just barely help push himself along, but I managed to get him leaned him against a large rock.

I looked down at his leg, there were spots of red soaking through the makeshift bandage, but the heavy bleeding seemed to be under control.

I knelt next to him, breathing deeply, still in a state of shock. Aidan spoke in a mumble, pointing out towards the water. “The fish…the basket…it’s still out there…I have to…” And he started to try and push himself up from the ground.

I pressed down firmly on his shoulder. “No, you’re not going back out there right now. You lost too much blood. You need to rest.”

“But the basket…” His words were slurred.

I turned and looked out at the ocean waves. There was no sign of a basket as far as I could see. I stroked his arm. “It’s gone, Aidan. But that’s ok…we’ll get more fish and I’ll make another basket.”

He leaned his head back against the rock in defeat. The afternoon breeze picked up, sending Aidan’s wet curls blowing gently, and I noticed him shiver slightly. His body was weak from loss of blood, and I frowned.

“We should really get you back to the fire if we can, but I want you to sit and rest here for a bit. Are you cold?” I asked gently.

His eyes were still closed, and he nodded; the pained grimace never left his face.

“Ok, hang on, I’ll be right back.” I stood up quickly, but then stopped briefly and stared down at him. His body was limp from exhaustion as he slumped against the boulder, and his chest heaved up and down. I felt my heart begin to beat louder again. I looked at his leg. Would it heal? We didn’t even have clean water to wash it with. This injury couldn’t have come at a more inopportune time.

I turned from him and walked back to our shelter. My legs felt numb, carrying me forward, but on their own accord, without much command from my own brain. When I reached the cave and walked inside, I saw the complete mess I’d made in my frenzy to find Aidan’s belt and the sewing kit. I spotted Aidan’s black bomber jacket strewn on the floor and I knelt down to pick it up, but as I did, I felt my body become tense and then I suddenly began to shake uncontrollably. I braced my hands on my knees and closed my eyes, trying to stop my trembling, but my heart began to race faster, and I felt the blood rushing from my head. I leaned forward and placed my forehead in my hands, breathing deeply. My emotions were on edge, and I began to think of all of the what-ifs. What if I hadn’t gone to watch Aidan fish this morning? Would he have bled out, right there on the beach? What if he hadn’t had the strength to make it back to shore? Would he have drowned, surrendered to the sea forever? And the upcoming what-ifs terrorized me even more. What if now, he’d already lost too much blood and his body couldn’t fight? What if his wound became infected and instead of healing, it only got worse…until…?

I squeezed my eyes tightly.

Worrying would do me no good. And it wouldn’t do Aidan any good either. It was my turn now, to support him, and to do everything in my power to help him make it through this. With shaking hands, I took his jacket and stood up tentatively, trying desperately to regain control of myself.

Pushing myself with difficulty, I jogged back to Aidan and saw that he still sat, white-lipped against the rock with his eyes closed. When he sensed my presence, I saw him open one eyelid slightly.

“Here, let’s get this on you.” I held out the jacket to him. He sat forward slightly, wincing, and I helped him slip his shivering arms through the sleeves.

He pulled the collar tightly around his neck, and I placed my palm on his forehead. It was cold and clammy. “How badly does it hurt?” I asked quietly.

He took a deep breath. “I’m so numb right now, I can barely feel it. I feel tingly and lightheaded.”

“Do you feel like you’re going to pass out?” I asked, worried.

He closed his eyes again and frowned. “Maybe...” His words were barely a mumble and he continued to shiver, despite wearing his coat now.

I looked at the position he was sitting in. He should really have his legs elevated to keep good blood flow to his head. And it would be ideal to get him to the fire. But I knew he could not stand, and I was far from strong enough to even think about carrying him or dragging his dead weight.

I furrowed my brow, trying to figure out what I could do. I thought about bringing the fire to him, but it was windy down here by the water. I wanted him back at our campsite. As my brain scanned through the objects that we possessed that might help me, my mind landed on the now empty lifeboat. I remembered tugging it through the sand before. It wasn’t easy, and it would be even more difficult with him inside of it, but the bottom was smooth and would slide better across the sand, and it was the only option I could think of. After many weeks of hard work on the island, I knew I was stronger now than I’d been the first time I’d moved it.

Feeling a surge of motivation, I stood up again. “I’ll be right back.”

I walked with forced confidence back up the beach towards the boat, which was now bone-dry, and grasped one of the handles firmly. I expected a large amount of resistance, but to my surprise, I was able to pull it fairly easily across the sand. I _was_ stronger. I started to become hopeful that maybe I could move it with him inside.

When I made it back to Aidan, it pulled it alongside of him. “Ok, we’re going to get you up next to the fire. You’ll be warmer. Do you think you can help me get you inside the boat?” I pointed towards the it.

“What…are you doing?” He slurred.

I put my hands on my hips. “I’m going to drag you back up shore.”

“Colette…” Even in his half-conscious state, I could still hear the doubt in his voice.

“I’m getting you up there somehow…and this is the best idea I’ve got.” I said firmly. “Ok, here we go.” I looped my arm under his again and tried to lift him.

I felt him helping me slightly, but much of his body was limp as I hoisted him over the edge of the boat. I watched his leg carefully, making sure not to bump it, but I lifted his legs into the boat and helped him to lay down. His eyes were closed as he laid in silence.

“Ok. I can do this.” I said to myself quietly, trying to psych myself up, and then I grabbed one of the handles with both hands and pulled with all of my might.

The boat moved about two feet.

I let out a deep breath then turned to look at the fire in the distance. This was going to take a while.

Feeling defeated, I looked down at Aidan again. He was still so pale, and he had his arms wrapped around himself, trying to keep warm. I needed to do this, no matter how long it would take. He needed that heat.

So, I dug my feet into the sand and grabbed the handle again, pulling with every effort I could muster. The boat moved a few more feet.

I continued this slow progression for about 10 more minutes, stopping to breathe, and then pulling another two or three feet.

Now out of breath, I stopped to look back at how far we’d come. There was a smooth path in the sand where I’d dragged the boat. It reminded me of the paths that saucer-shaped sleds had created in the snow during the days of my childhood in Wisconsin. The contrast of those carefree moments against the one I was experiencing now was alarming.

I looked back at the fire, gauging the distance. It appeared as though I was about half-way there. I wiped my brow, hot and sweaty from the sun, and then my gaze fell to Aidan again. He was still shivering, and his pale lips were parted slightly. He looked less in pain, but also further from the reality of the world.

I gritted my teeth and took hold of the handle again, grunting as I pulled the boat another small distance, prepared to fight through sore muscles and lack of breath.

After another 15 minutes, I pulled boat one last time, coming up next to the fire. I fell to the ground and ran my hands through my hair, completely exhausted.

“Ok, let’s get you out of there and next to the fire.” I said to Aidan, reaching my hand out to him, but he didn’t move. My heart stopped briefly, but then I saw that his chest was still rising and falling.

“Aidan, can you hear me?” I asked tentatively.

No response.

His body must have gone into shutdown mode. I placed my hand on his forehead again. It was still cold and clammy.

I frowned and massaged my fingers between my eyes. I needed to get him closer to the fire, so I stepped into the boat behind his head and shoved my hands under his shoulders and grasped under his arms. Then with a surge of effort, I lifted his limp body into a sitting position. Without any help from him, he was _heavy_. He wasn’t a huge guy, but he was certainly much larger than me, and his dead weight was a lot to handle.

I grunted, pulling him to the edge of the boat. His head hung to the side. Then, I stepped out of the boat, braced my legs in the sand, and heaved him clumsily over the inflated wall of the boat and down onto the ground with a thud. All the while, Aidan remained unconscious.

I laid him down gently, close to the fire and placed a balled-up shirt under his head as a pillow. I could feel the heat from the flames. I was sweating profusely from all I had done, but I hoped that the warmth would help Aidan regain some blood flow.

He lay there in his blood-stained shorts, limp and unresponsive, and I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. I wanted him so badly to wake up, to tell me that he was ok. But I knew his body was trying to heal, and all I could do was wait, and keep him warm.

I was terrified, but also grateful that I’d found him when I did. My curiosity could have been the reason he was alive right now.

I laid down in the sand next to him and pushed the curls from his forehead. He was so peaceful, yet so wounded in this state. His brows were pulled together slightly, which told me that he was in there, fighting. I trailed my fingers across his jacket, feeling his chest rise and fall. I needed him to fight. I needed him to fight _hard_ ; because I wouldn’t survive out here on my own, and also because over the last few days, I’d realized that I could no longer deny a new and deep emotion that had snuck deep into my heart quietly; barely without me noticing.

I loved him.

It was the full and complete truth, staring me in the face, clear as day. It was something I hadn’t expected, but something that felt so natural now. Every time he was introspective or deep in thought, every time he stepped up to provide for us, without hesitation, every time a grin spread wide across his face, crinkling his eyes because of something that amused him, I fell further and deeper into a genuine and passionate kind of love. I wanted to know every part of him, and I wanted to experience everything new and beautiful in the world together. I wanted to discover a life with him.

I laid next to him for many hours, watching the sun sink further in the sky, thinking about what I would do to thank the universe if he pulled through this. I felt so helpless, wishing I could do more for him, but knowing I could not. A tear escaped my eye as I thought about how I’d cope if I was left alone. I’d quickly lose motivation to continue on, knowing that he had lost his fight. It was a horribly painful emotion to have to imagine, and another tear fell from my eye as I scooted closer to him and laid my head on his chest.

Through his jacket, I could hear his heart beating quickly, trying to replenish his blood supply and struggling undoubtedly. But each beat, as fast as they came, was a reminder that he was still here with me, and I knew somewhere, deep inside his head, he was fighting to stay with me too.


	23. Hope

The next time I opened my eyes, I was immediately disoriented and blinked repeatedly, trying to get my bearings. It was dark, apart from the flickering of the fire nearby, and my neck was sore. I soon realized that my head was still laying on Aidan’s chest, and the awkward position was causing the painful strain. Just as I was about to lift my head, I felt him take a deep breath and shift slightly.

Suddenly remembering what had happened yesterday, I shot up and looked at him closely. I couldn’t believe I’d fallen asleep, and I panicked briefly, worried that he may have gotten worse. But I saw him blink his eyes a few times and grimace, before turning his head slowly to me.

His lips were still pale, but I quickly placed my hand on his forehead. He wasn’t cold and sweaty anymore. “How are you feeling?” I frowned sympathetically at him.

He sighed and squeezed his eyes shut. “A LOT of pain…”

I rested my hand on his cheek gently in response.

“I can’t believe I was so stupid.” He breathed angrily.

“It could have happened to anyone, Aidan.” I whispered.

He opened one eye and glanced down at his leg. “Is it clean?”

I took a deep breath. “I’m still trying to figure out how to be sure of that, but visually, I didn’t see any debris when I was…” I gulped. “…sewing it up.”

“You must have guts of steel.” He winced.

I let out a long breath, rubbing my thumb soothingly along the side of his face. He was right to be impressed, I didn’t know how I did it either. But somehow, in that moment, nothing else mattered but saving his life.

“Did you put any ointment on it?” Aidan asked, closing his eyes again.

I swallowed nervously. “We’re out.”

He looked at me through one eye again. “It’s gone?”

“We’ve used it on small scrapes so much, there is none left…” I looked at him hopelessly.

“It’s gonna get infected.” Aidan stated simply, closing his eyes again. “I’m so sorry, Colette.”

I placed my other hand on his other cheek and leaned over his face, looking closely at him until he opened his eyes again. “No, it’s not Aidan. You’re going to fight this.”

His tired eyes, dark brown in the night, stared back up at me. He looked defeated and crushed. “I can’t help it if it gets infected. We have no fresh water to clean it with. There will be nothing we can do.”

My eyes darted between his, not wanting to hear the reality of his words. I slowly bent down and kissed his white lips. They responded, but just barely. “It’s not going to get infected…” I whispered, trying to believe it myself.

He let out a long sigh and then closed his eyes again. I sat back, staring blankly at the flames nearby. I could not let this happen. He HAD to pull through this. He was speaking to me, here and now, showing signs of improvement. I wouldn’t allow an infection to reverse his progress.

I looked at his limp figure in front of me. He’d always been so strong in my eyes; there was nothing he couldn’t do. Now he laid here, practically helpless without me. It was a different dynamic, and I could finally see a vulnerability in him. He needed me, just as much as I needed him. Realizing now that my feelings for him had deepened, and admitting to myself that I loved him, who he truly was on the inside, I knew I would do anything and everything to keep him alive. If I could find some way to pull the blood from my own veins and feed it into his, I would.

Aidan shivered again, and I responded by standing up to throw a few more logs onto the fire. I looked at his leg. The bandage still hadn’t bled through completely, so my stitches must have been somewhat successful.

“You should get some more sleep.” I suggested to him.

“Mmmm.” He mumbled, shaking slightly.

Having nothing else to keep me busy in the middle of the night, I laid down next to him and placed my head on his shoulder. Trembling, he wrapped his arm around me. It was a small gesture, but knowing that he was in such a state of pain, yet still had the mind to be affectionate, made my heart swell.

***

I got no more sleep that night. The hours passed, and all I could do was think about any possible method of cleaning his wound. Without fresh, clean water, even soap would be useless. In my head, I ran through the items in my suitcase. It was an exhaustive process, coming up empty every time I went through the options again. Just when I was about to give up, and I was desperately considering the antibacterial qualities of toothpaste, my mind landed on the bright blue travel-sized antiseptic mouthwash that I hadn’t touched since we arrived.

I sat straight up. It was literally made for killing bacteria. I bit my lip, realizing it was almost pure alcohol and imagining the horrible kind of pain it was likely to cause him, but it could work. My heart began to beat faster. I wasn’t sure why I hadn’t used it for its original intention yet, but I was beyond grateful that I hadn’t.

I looked at Aidan, who was still sleeping silently next to me, and then I stood up quietly and tiptoed to our shelter and knelt down, gathering the items strewn across the floor. At the corner of the cave, was the unopened bottle of blue liquid. I turned in around in my hands, treating it as if it were gold.

I grabbed another t-shirt and then slowly walked back out towards Aidan. The sky was beginning to lighten as the morning creeped in. He was still sound asleep, and so I sat down and leaned against a nearby rock. I crossed my legs and stared at him, turning the bottle around in my hands. I thought about waking him, but watching him so peaceful in this instant, I wanted to leave him alone for just a moment.

I was hopeful now, with this possible life-saver in my hands, and I breathed more evenly and confidently.

In the dim light of the new day, I saw that a small amount of color was returning to his face. My frown lessened slightly. I sat anxiously, impatiently waiting for him to open his eyes. And when he finally did, I gripped the bottle even tighter in my hands, eager to get to put it to work.

He lifted his hand and rubbed his forehead. Then he turned his head towards me.

I was staring back at him tentatively. “I think I know how to clean it…”

His brow pulled together in confusion, and then his eyes fell to the bottle in my hands. I turned the label around to face him and I saw the realization in his eyes. He turned his head back towards the sky and closed his eyes. “Do it.” His voice was tight.

I swallowed nervously and then crawled over to him.

“Can I bite down on that shirt again?” He asked. I could tell he was breathing harder in worried anticipation.

“Of course.” I said quietly, and handed it to him.

“Don’t use all of it in one go.” Aidan said in a strained voice. “We should save some to repeat this a few times.”

“I know, I won’t.” I looked at his face. He still had his eyes closed. I hated that I was going to have to cause him more pain. “Are you going to be ok?” I asked, gently.

He didn’t open his eyes. “Yep. Just do it.” His voice was clipped, and then he placed the shirt in his mouth and took a deep breath.

I gulped and looked down at his leg. With shaking hands, I began to untie the bandage. I noticed Aidan twitch a few times, but he kept fairly still.

Turning my head away slightly, afraid of what I might see, I removed the bandage completely. The area around the wound was a bit swollen, but it didn’t look infected yet. My unskilled stitches were holding together, and the bleeding had stopped. I relaxed a bit, relieved that he wasn’t worse off than when he started.

I uncapped the bottle and tried to decide the best way to apply it to the wound. I needed it to soak in and reach all of the potential bacteria, so I figured that pouring just a little directly onto the gash would be my best bet.

I bit my lip and looked up at Aidan, who still had his eyes shut and the shirt stuffed in his mouth. “Ok, ready?” I asked.

He nodded his head and squeezed his eyelids tight.

I took a deep breath and hesitated one last time, before dropping a few teaspoons of the blue liquid onto the stitches. Aidan’s face contorted and he yelled loudly into the t-shirt. His fists clenched and tensed at his sides in agony.

I felt my eyes tear up slightly as he twisted his neck and moaned in pain. I rubbed his arm gently, trying to distract him, and feeling awful that I had to cause his suffering. All I could do was watch and wait for the pain to subside as he writhed on the ground. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” I whispered, feeling helpless.

Slowly, his body began to relax, and he spat the shirt out onto his chest. Breathing hard, he opened his eyes to look at me. There was immense pain behind his gaze. “That was ten times worse than the actual injury.” He said through labored breaths.

I pushed the hair from his forehead, which was sweating profusely. “I know, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize…” He breathed.

I frowned and picked up the t-shirt from his chest. I tore it into strips like I had the last one, and fastened them around his leg, being careful to cause him as little more pain as possible.

When I was finished, I turned to his face again. “How does that feel?”

“I’m just glad it’s clean.” He winced.

I sighed. I was sure the pain was horrific for him, but he knew it was necessary. “You should eat some coconut.” I suggested. “You need your strength.”

He nodded.

“Do you think you can sit up?” I asked.

He placed his hands firmly on the ground next to him and began to push himself upwards. I rushed to his side and guided him slightly, supporting some of his weight. “Let’s get you leaned up against something.” I said, helping him scoot backwards so that he was leaning against a large rock. “You feel ok?” I asked, looking him in the eye to make sure he wasn’t going to faint.

He nodded and leaned his head back.

I stepped away and grabbed two coconuts out of the basket. I peeled and carved a hole into the first one and handed it to him. He took it with shaking hands and brought it to his lips, taking a tentative sip. I did the same with the other one and gulped down the sweet liquid. I was parched, and realized I hadn’t had anything to drink since yesterday.

I took Aidan’s coconut from him when he was finished, and I cracked it open and then handed it back.

“Thanks.” He replied, defeatedly. “I’m sorry to put you through this and have you waiting on me…”

I set my coconut down. “All I want you to focus on right now is resting and healing. I’ll take care of the rest.” I pushed myself to my feet. “Actually, right now, I’m going to go fish for something more substantial for you to eat.”

“Whoa, what?” Aidan said hurriedly, grabbing my arm. “You are _not_ going out there.”

I turned around to face him. “Yes I am. There are no birds, thus there are no eggs. There is no seaweed, and you are not going to heal on coconuts alone. You showed me how. Now I’m going to go get you some real food.”

“Colette…” He pleaded. “It’s too dangerous. I won’t be there if something happens…”

His hand still held onto my wrist, but I took a deep breath. “Nothing is more dangerous than the possibility of you never recovering because you didn’t get enough nourishment.” I held eye contact with him, defiantly. “I’m going out there. And I’m coming back with fish.”

He stared at me for a few seconds, and I could tell he was thinking about trying to stop me again, but I was prepared to stand my ground. He took a deep breath and then pulled on my wrist gently, drawing me down to him. He lifted his chin and placed a gentle kiss on my lips. “Watch the waves, and don’t drift too far out…Remember what I showed you.” His eyes were serious. “Come back to me…”

Our gazes connected with deep sentiment. “I’ll always come back to you.” I replied softly, feeling emotions of love boiling up within me, but too afraid to reveal them.

I watched as Aidan’s expression softened, and then he slowly let go of my wrist and allowed me to stand back up again. I grabbed two more coconuts and prepared them for him, and then I placed them down next to him in the sand. “Keep drinking.”

I found a smaller basket I had woven weeks ago and I picked up another charging cord, this one from the elderly couple’s suitcase, and tied it to the edge of the basket. Then, I picked up a spear and walked confidently towards the shore.

When I came to the spot where I’d found Aidan laying, my heart began to beat a bit faster, re-living the moment. The blood was gone; washed away with the tide, as if it had never happened.

I looked down at my clothes, which had not forgotten the ordeal. There were splatters of blood in a few places; a sad reminder. I peeled my shirt over my head and removed my shorts, and then I waded into the water in my bathing suit, pulling the basket behind me. I was nervous to go alone, especially after Aidan’s accident, but I knew that I had no choice.

I swam out into the open water, breathing deeply and trying to stay confident. My muscles were lethargic from lack of sleep and lack of food, but I pushed myself further from the shore, until I felt like I was in the same place that Aidan had brought me before. I thought about him, sitting back by the fire, probably worried about me and feeling useless. I was reminded of the time, early on in our journey, when I had to sit and rest while Aidan was trying desperately to spear a fish so that I didn’t starve. This situation was almost an exact mirror image of that one.

Looking down into the clear waters, I saw dozens of fish swimming underneath. I bobbed up and down with the current. The waves were larger today than they’d been the first time I’d been out here with Aidan. It was harder to accurately pinpoint the fish. But I took a deep breath and sunk beneath the surface.

When I opened my eyes, I spotted a large one a few feet away, and I crept closer to it, spear poised and ready. But when I threw the spear through the water, the fish was too quick, and made its escape just in time. I swam back to the surface and pulled oxygen into my lungs. The waves splattered into the side of my face, making it difficult to regain my breath.

I went down again, and again, and again, coming back empty each time, and struggling against the waves. But I told myself I was not going back without fish, and I meant it. My success might mean life or death for Aidan, and if I had anything to say about it, life would win.

An exceptionally large surge crashed over my head and I coughed and sputtered, taking in water. My eyes teared as my nose burned from the salt, and I felt myself begin to become worried and desperate. But pushing through, I dove again and opened my eyes. This time, directly before me was a small, silver fish. It was motionless, and appeared to be staring at me, almost as if presenting itself. For a moment, I felt a connection with this small being, and I knew that this was my opportunity, sent to me from some higher power or work of the universe. I pulled my spear back and drove it forward, perfectly piercing the small fish and pulling it back to the surface. I sputtered and coughed again, and then placed it in my basket.

That was enough for me. After what was probably more than an hour, one fish was all I could manage today, and I chose to accept that. My muscles seared as I pushed myself through the water and back towards the shore, pulling the basket along with me.

When I reached the sand, I fell to my knees. My head felt light and my vision was blurry. I took deep breaths. If spear fishing was going to be this difficult every time, I was going to have to step up my endurance.

After a few more moments of heavy breathing, I stood up and carried the basket back to our campsite. When I came around the last boulder, my eyes fell to Aidan, who was still sitting against the rock. When he saw me, I watched the worry recede from his expression and he let out a long breath.

I smiled tightly and set the basket down next to him. He looked inside and then back up at me. “You did great.” His expression was soft and empathetic.

I slumped to the ground in defeat.

Aidan placed his hand on my back and rubbed gently. “You caught a fish, _and_ you’re back safe…that’s a success in my book.”

I sighed and pierced a stick through the fish and held it over the flames without responding. I wasn’t exactly proud of myself for this sad display.

Aidan spoke up again. “I think the resting has helped me. I’m feeling a bit better. I no longer feel like I’m about to pass out.”

I turned to look at him. There was much more color in his face. I smiled. “Your blood is returning.”

He took a deep breath. “I’d like to get out there with you and fish, but…”

I interrupted him. “You can’t submerge that leg until it’s healed over. Who knows what’s in that sea water.”

“I know.” He replied sadly and looked down at his hands in his lap.

“I can keep going back out.” I encouraged him. “It’s really not that hard.” It was a lie, but a necessary one.

I pulled the cooked fish from the fire and placed the entire thing in a coconut bowl and handed to Aidan.

“Aren’t you going to split it up?” He asked, confused.

I picked up a coconut and began to eat it slowly. “No, it’s yours.”

“Come on, Colette. You should take half of it.”

I looked at him. “ _I_ can survive off of coconuts right now. _You_ can’t.”

He gazed down at the fish, thinking for a moment, and then his eyes met mine again. “Just one bite?”

He was so generous, even in this state, and I couldn’t resist him. I sighed and held out my hand. He pulled a piece of meat from the bone and placed it in my palm. I popped it in my mouth, which instantly watered gratefully. “Thank you.” I smiled softly.

“I wish I could be of more help.” Aidan sighed.

I looked closely at him, making sure that he understood me well. “The best help you can be to me now, is to heal.” I paused. “Without you, I’m nothing. Alone, without you, I couldn’t continue on.”

His eyes were emotional. “But…you know you would have to…right? You’re strong, Colette.”

I held his gaze. I wanted so badly to tell him that I loved him; that going on without him would be impossible. But not knowing how he felt, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Instead, I chose a response with less gravity. “Strength is different than happiness. Without you, I would be miserable, and I know I would fail to see the purpose of trying any longer.”

Aidan frowned and leaned in, placing a kiss on my lips. When he pulled back, his honey-colored eyes watched mine with emotion. “I would continue to argue with you, but…I felt the same way when you were sick…so I understand…”

I placed my hand on his cheek and pulled him in again, resting my forehead on his for a moment. I focused on my deep emotions for him, trying to feed him my thoughts through osmosis, since I could not bring myself to speak them out loud.

***

Three days passed.

Each morning, I poured a small amount of mouthwash onto Aidan’s wound, and each time, he bit down on a shirt in agony. It was torture for both of us. He had to deal with the physical pain, and I had to deal with the mental anguish knowing that I was the inflictor of that pain. But there were still no signs of infection, and each day, the wound looked a bit better. The area had become black and blue, but the edges of his skin that were pulled together by the stitches were beginning to seal.

I was beyond grateful that he seemed to be turning a corner. I found that hope, despite the drought we were facing, filled my mind again, giving me the motivation to push forward.

Aidan had begun to try walking again. He couldn’t put any weight on his injured leg, but with the help of a large bamboo pole, he could hop around our campsite, tending to the fire and fortifying the shelter. He was in better spirits, and wasn’t in constant pain anymore, but I could see that he was struggling to let me take on the role of provider for this time.

I’d been back out to fish twice. On both occasions, I’d returned with two fish. It wasn’t a lot, but it was enough to keep us alive. Since it still hadn’t rained, I spent most of my time climbing trees and collecting coconuts. It was the only source of hydration we had. Each one only held a few ounces of water, so I literally spent multiple hours a day scouring the island for as many as I could find. I was beginning to become a pro at climbing trees, and we now had a huge stockpile in our raft.

Today, I was hauling a suitcase full of them back to our campsite. It was an especially hot afternoon, and I wiped my brow as I emptied them into our raft.

“Looks like you had some luck today?” Aidan asked from behind me.

I turned around to nod at him, but saw that he was sitting, with his hands behind his back, grinning at me.

I raised an eyebrow skeptically. “What’s with that face?” I laughed.

“Come ‘ere.” He continued to grin and nodded at the ground in front of him.

I smirked and walked tentatively towards him. “What’s going on?”

“Just sit down.” He chuckled.

I lowered myself to the ground and crossed my legs, facing him and searching his expression for an explanation.

He still had his hands behind his back as he watched me. “Ok, hold out your hands and close your eyes.

I pulled my eyebrows together.

“Just do it.” He laughed, and his eyes twinkled, letting me know that this was all fun.

I took a deep breath, shut my eyes, and positioned my hands, palms up, in front of me.

After a pause, I felt something lightweight and soft being placed on them.

“Ok, you can open your eyes.” Aidan said softly.

When I did, I saw what looked like an oddly shaped object, wrapped in a red piece of fabric, and tied up with a green palm frond. It looked like a present.

I peered up at him questioningly. “What’s this?”

He was still grinning. “So, I’ve been counting the ticks on our cave wall, and doing the math…” A bright smile crossed his face. “It turns out…I think today is Christmas.”

My mouth hung open, barely believing that I could let a date like Christmas fly by without even noticing. And the fact that Aidan had counted the days, and remembered, and had taken the time to give me something, made my eyes well up.

“So, Merry Christmas…” He continued to smirk.

I held the gift gingerly in my hands and gazed at him with complete and utter love. This man continued to astound me with how much further he could make me fall for him.

I leaned in and kissed him tenderly, beyond grateful that he was alive and still here with me.

When I pulled back, I was speechless, and almost forgot about the gift in my hands, until Aidan spoke up again.

“Well, aren’t ya gonna open it up?” He chuckled.

I blinked quickly. “Oh, yes, of course…” I pulled my eyes from him and focused my attention on untying the palm leaf. Aidan watched me intently.

When it came free, I unfolded the red fabric to reveal a piece of deep brown wood, about five inches wide, and endearingly carved into the shape of a heart. I felt tears well in my eyes again as I ran my thumb over the smooth edges, and I looked up at Aidan emotionally.

“I know, it’s not much, and it’s kind of childish and silly, but…” He began.

“It’s perfect.” I breathed, smiling widely and then throwing my arms around him and burying my face in his neck. “Thank you…”

He kissed my cheek. “I’ve had a lot of time to myself, so I’ve been perfecting my whittling skills.” He laughed. “No idea what you’ll do with it.”

I leaned back from him and placed the wooden heart over my own, clasping it to my chest. I imagined him, carving away at this precious gift, while I was away gathering coconuts. “I’ll save it forever…”

He blinked slowly and beamed back at me. His dark curls blew in the wind, framing his breathtaking face.

I frowned and then laughed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t get you anything.”

Aidan placed his hand on mine. “You being here is the best present you could give me.”

I moved in to kiss him again. “Merry Christmas, Aidan.” I spoke into his warm lips.

“Merry Christmas, Colette.” He whispered back.


	24. Depth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day! I can honestly say, I did NOT purposely plan ahead for this chapter to be released on Valentine's Day, but sometimes, the universe just works in magical ways ❤️
> 
> Also, can we talk about the fact that I've reached 150 kudos on this story!?!? As Aidan would say with a cheeky grin, "What ya like?" This means that at the very least, 150 of you have enjoyed this story, and that means the world to me. Thank you so much for all of your wonderful comments and support!

It had been over a week since Aidan’s accident, and every day, he showed another sign of improvement. He’d told me his leg wasn’t in pain anymore unless disturbed, and he was able to walk without the aid of the bamboo pole. He wasn’t in a state to fish again yet, but he helped me carry coconuts and we took evening strolls together. He was out of the woods, and I was beyond relieved.

Once since his injury, the skies opened for approximately ten minutes and drenched us with cool, refreshing rain. We positioned as many containers as we could to catch the water, and then we stood out on the wet sand, mouths open, trying to drink as much as we could. But just as fast as it started, it was over again, and since then, the days continued to be dry and difficult.

The birds had not returned yet, but I was getting better at fishing – well, if better meant spearing an average of 1.5 fish per day. It was not enough to remain fully satisfied, but it was enough to keep us from starving.

Aidan and I hadn’t had many intimate moments since his injury. Up until a day or two ago, he’d still been in a decent amount of pain, and we were busy most of our hours, trying to keep ourselves alive during the drought. By the time we returned back to our shelter at night, we were so exhausted that we went right to sleep. I longed to feel his touch again, but at the same time, my mind was so focused on providing for him and helping him heal, that it didn’t have as much time to linger those thoughts.

But this morning, my mind went there, as I was tidying up our shelter and I adjusted the wooden heart that Aidan had carved for me, which I had propped carefully in the corner. I felt butterflies flutter in my stomach when I touched it. It was one of the first things I saw each morning when I opened my eyes, and it reminded me that he cared deeply. Whether or not his feelings were as strong as mine were for him, I knew they were there, and that was a special motivation that helped me to push through each day. As I leaned it against the stone wall, I realized that maybe now that he was feeling better, I wouldn’t need to feel guilty being extra affectionate with him, and that maybe we could express our feelings physically again.

Aidan was slightly more quiet than usual as I met him outside the shelter and sat down to untie the bandage on his leg. The bruising now held more of a yellow/green tint, and his skin had almost completely fused together at the cut line.

I studied it carefully. “I think it might be time to remove the stitches…”

Aidan sighed, leaning forward and looking closely at it as well. “You think?”

“It looks pretty closed up now. You don’t need them anymore.” I frowned at him, knowing he’d have to endure a bit of pain again.

He took a deep breath and nodded. “Might as well get it over with.”

I stood up and grabbed the Swiss Army knife, flipping it open to the mini set of scissors. I looked up at him. “Do you want a shirt to bite on?”

He shook his head. “No, I think I can take it.” He braced his hands in the sand and I saw the tendons in his neck tense as he prepared himself.

I leaned in to get a good look at his wound. The small strands of thread were barely visible, but I slowly slipped one of the scissor blades under a loop – it was lucky that these were small scissors – and then I made the first snip. Aidan didn’t wince at that part, but after I’d cut all the loops and began pulling the threads out, his face turned to a grimace and I could tell it was not a pleasant feeling for him.

“You alright?” I asked, when I was half-way through.

“Yep. Just keep going.” He replied tensely, not opening his eyes.

When I’d pulled the last thread free, I took the bottle of mouthwash and poised it over the wound. “Ok, I’m going to clean it now.” I warned him.

He nodded and continued to tense.

I poured a bit of the liquid onto his skin. He let out a low growl, trying to hold himself together. But it was a welcome change from the yelling he’d done when I’d used it the first few times.

The removal of his stitches had caused a slight bit of bleeding again, and I wrapped new strips of fabric around his leg tightly. “Ok, you’re good to go.”

Aidan sighed. “Thanks, hopefully I won’t be a hindrance to you much longer.”

I placed my hand in his and watched his dark curls blow in the breeze. His hair had grown quite a bit since I’d cut it. Not enough for him to need to pull it back, but it had an unruliness to it that I loved, and it made me grin slightly. “It’s been nice to take care of you for once. Having the tables turned is not the worst thing.”

He looked blankly at the fire, giving no response.

I frowned, wishing he didn’t feel like such a burden. “Please don’t feel bad.” I whispered. “We have to be strong for each other. This was one of those times that I need to be strong for you.”

Aidan looked up at me and placed his other hand on top of mine. His face was serious. He stared deeply into my eyes. “Colette, regardless of whether or not we’re strong for each other, things are still going to happen. This place we’re living…” He gestured to the island around us. “It’s unforgiving. Accidents happen. Droughts happen. One of these days, we aren’t going to be able to fight back, no matter how strong we are.”

It was a morbid thought, and I stared back at him, not sure what to say. He was right, but I didn’t want to believe it. I wanted to believe, in my fantasy world, that we would either be rescued, or that we would live many healthy years here together.

Aidan’s eyes still watched mine sadly. “We don’t know if we’ll ever be found, and we don’t know what dangers lie around the next corner. It’s terrifying, and I don’t know how to combat those fears.” His eyes were sad, and I could see that he was struggling, clearly in a state of distress from his close call in the ocean.

My heart went out to him and I rubbed my thumb gently along his hand. “Someone will find us.”

“But what if they don’t?” He gulped. “It’s been two months now. Our chances are diminishing.”

I frowned, thinking about my family back at home. “Do you think they’ve held the funerals?”

“Undoubtedly.” He replied quietly.

I thought for a moment about it. Did they bury an empty casket? I grimaced, realizing that they had no proof of our deaths. How hard it must have been for them. And then I thought about Aidan and who he’d left behind. Not only his family and friends, who I was sure experienced unbearable pain, but also the thousands and thousands of fans who cared so deeply for him. What a crushing blow this must have been for them too. My mind wandered to Jane for a moment, wondering if she’d moved on yet, but I pulled myself away from that thought and focused instead on Aidan in front of me.

“You’re worried that at any time, things could turn south for us.” I stated, understanding him.

He sighed and nodded. “I mean, look at what just happened to me. Had you not found me when you did, I wouldn’t be here right now.”

I stared into his eyes for a moment and then scooted towards him and laid my head on his shoulder. “We can’t take anything for granted.”

I felt him take a deep breath, and then he kissed the top of my head gently. “We certainly cannot.”

***

Later that evening, before the sun had gone down, we relaxed by the fire after having eaten three coconuts each as well as splitting a small fish I’d speared.

I looked out at the horizon, admiring the beautiful colors of the setting sun. Pinks and oranges swirled with blues and purples, lighting up the sky. “Beautiful tonight, isn’t it?”

“Mhmm.” Aidan said quietly next to me.

I turned to him and noticed that he wasn’t looking at the horizon, but instead at me. “I’m talking about the sky.” I smirked.

“I’m not.” Aidan replied, straight faced, and still not tearing his eyes from me.

I blushed and looked back at the fire. No matter how many times he complimented me, I still couldn’t get used to it. There was something about him that made my heart still flutter, even after months alone together.

Aidan stood up next to me and then extended his hand. “Dance with me…”

Even though he didn’t frame it as a question, I still would have obliged in any scenario. I placed my hand in his warm one. His fingers wrapped around mine tightly and he pulled me up from the ground. My eyes met his, which were a brilliant honey amber in the light of the setting sun. And then he led me away from the fire and placed his hands on the small of my back, pulling me closer to him.

“It’s been awhile, can you remind me how?” I said quietly, looking up into his face and feeling my spine tingle where he touched me so gently.

“No counting…” He replied in a low voice. “…Just dance with me.”

I studied his face, which was filled with a deeper emotion than I’d usually seen from him. It wasn’t the lust that he’d watched me with when I’d put on my yellow dress. It was something different, something more profound.

He took my hand in his and used his other hand to guide me even closer to him. I turned my head and laid it on his shoulder as he began to sway gently to an imaginary rhythm. His body was warm as he held me, and I felt his chest rise and fall against mine. There may not have been any audible music, but there was a symphony of emotions in my head. I’d never felt this way about anyone before Aidan. He was like my greatest dream and my deepest desire come to life right here in front of me. I closed my eyes and focused on the sensation of his hand on my back, and his breath on my hair.

“I’d like to spend eternity, right here in this moment, with you…” Aidan spoke close to my head.

I smiled into his shirt. “I could live with that.”

His mouth was close to my ear and I could feel hints of his warm breath. “You’re the reason I wake up every day, and my favorite part about going to sleep, knowing you’re right there next to me, safe.” He continued softly.

I felt goosebumps spread across my neck as he breathed into it.

He spoke again. “When that plane went down, months ago, I knew my life would be turned upside down, but I had no idea what that would mean, and never dreamed that this would be the outcome.” He paused. “You’re everything to me now, Colette.”

My heart skipped a beat and I lifted my head to look at him. His eyes met mine. They were vast hazel pools of deep emotion that seemed to have no end.

He took his hand and pushed a strand of hair from my forehead. “We’ve weathered our fair share of ups and downs on this journey, but my heart has only traveled in one direction; towards you.”

I swallowed anxiously, watching his expression turn from hesitation and pause, to a resolve that led to a shallow exhale as his lips parted to speak. “I love you.”

My heart leapt into my throat as I gazed into his eyes, barely believing that he’d finally said the words I’d longed to hear for so long. In barely an audible whisper, because I could hardly speak, I responded. “I love you too.”

I watched him visibly relax and his mouth turned up into a smile as he leaned in and kissed me deeply. His arms wrapped completely around me, enveloping me in a hug that made me feel entirely surrounded and engulfed by him.

He eventually broke the kiss, rested his forehead on mine, and grinned widely.

“I love you…” I repeated, this time a bit louder. I wanted to say it over and over again, until I felt like it had been done justice, but I didn’t know how that could ever be possible. The love I felt for him was too great for words.

Aidan pulled me deeper into the hug and buried his head in my neck. “You mean more to me than I can describe.”

“I’ve never felt this deeply before…” I whispered into his hair. “I don’t know what it is.”

“It’s because of all we’ve been through.” Aidan replied, and pulled back again to look at me. “There is nothing more precious than saving someone’s life and having yours saved in return; all the while, falling in love for so many other reasons at the same time. You’re just what I want in my life, and even more so, you’re exactly what I need.”

I kissed him again, and then I looked deeply into his eyes, remembering that, for all we knew, our days together could be numbered. Dread filled my heart. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Aidan’s face became serious. “I’m right here…” He paused. “With every ounce of effort I have, I’m going to be right here. I’m not going anywhere.”

But I could see in his eyes that he was worried too. Neither of us had any idea what tomorrow held, and it was an unspoken fear that pierced the silent air between us.

Aidan took my hand again and pulled me gently in the direction of our shelter, never taking his eyes off me. My heart beat through my chest as I followed him slowly. Each step was a decision to go further into a choice that stared us both in the face.

He opened the makeshift door and led me inside. Then he walked a few steps away and turned around to face me. Our eyes locked, and I briefly wondered where his mind was, but quickly, I realized that his emotions were leading his desires to a deeper place.

Taking a large breath, he spoke quietly. “You said earlier; we can’t take anything for granted…” He paused and bit his lip. “Colette, I don’t want to take any of our moments together for granted, for fear that we might not have another.” He was breathing deeply.

I was motionless as I watched him reveal his concerns and his desires, all bundled up into a package of pure and desperate love.

“I’m torn…” He continued, still standing on the other side of our small room. “I want to be content with just part of you, but my feelings for you, and my fears about our future, make me want to throw caution to the wind and give in to all of you…”

I took a deep breath, watching him struggle, all the while, dealing with a mental battle inside my own head. I’d never wanted him or anyone else more than I wanted him right now, and my sense of control and fear of consequences began to blur in my mind.

Aidan watched me closely. “What are you thinking about?” He asked gently.

I gulped. My heart was beating in my ears. “I think you should give in.” My voice was barely a whisper.

There was an instant of precious tension in the air that filled the room, and then Aidan closed the distance between us in barely a second, crashing his lips into mine and almost knocking me over. As we collided, he snaked his arms around my waist and pulled me into him, supporting my sense of lost balance with his own strength; holding me to him tightly. There was a desperation in the way he held me, and I felt it in myself too. Soon, his lips became even more eager and he pushed me backwards, into the wall of the cave, pressing his body against mine. Open mouthed kisses, and frantic breathing assaulted my senses, leaving me completely at his mercy. My hands found his hair, curling the loose strands around my fingers firmly and urgently. Without breaking his lips from mine, he found the hem of my shirt and his hands traveled under it and up my back hungrily, touching the bare skin there, hot and electric.

My fingers trailed down his neck to his broad shoulders as his mouth moved insistently on mine. And I continued to touch him, unrelenting, down his torso until I felt the edge of his t-shirt, and I slid my fingers under the fabric there, lifting it slowly and needfully, feeling his burning hot skin and the bits of hair that covered his lower abdomen. In response, Aidan broke the kiss briefly and quickly pulled his shirt from his head, revealing his perfect chest, rising and falling intensely as he breathed hard. His eyes never left mine, burning and hungry, sincere and passionate.

He didn’t miss a beat, wrapping his arms around me again and guiding me easily down to the ground while trailing hot kisses down my neck. I felt the cool palm leaves on my back, deeply contrasted by the warmth of his body on top of mine.

His fingers hooked under the hem of my shirt and pushed it up my stomach slowly. I arched my back, allowing him to do so, and eventually letting him pull it over my head, revealing just my lace bra underneath. Aidan was breathing deeply as he tossed the shirt aside and leaned down once more to kiss me again. His curls hung down around his face, gently grazing my cheeks.

His hands traveled to the delicate lace on my chest, a place he’d just barely touched more than a week ago. They were sensual, sultry touches that made me wonder how I’d ever had the restraint to stop him before. My fingers traced the soft hair on his chest, wanting all of him, here and now.

His mouth was hot at my neck, next to my ear. “We shouldn’t do this…”

“Yes…but we should…” I whispered back, having already forfeited any chance at stopping myself. I trailed my hand further down his torso, close to the waistband of his shorts and caused him to breathe even heavier into the crook of my neck.

I felt his teeth gently graze the delicate skin there, sending tingles deep inside of me, and then, as if all restraint was lost in him in that instant, his hands moved behind my back to unclasp my bra and then down to my hips, removing the rest of the clothing that covered me. Without taking his eyes off mine, he removed the rest of his clothing as well and tossed it aside. There was nothing left between us but our deep and passionate love for each other, and I blushed under his hungry gaze as it traveled down my body slowly.

Aidan’s hands followed his gaze, touching and caressing the most sensitive places where I’d long yearned to feel him. His fingers were like electricity, lighting up each inch of skin that they grazed. He sent bursts of heat straight to my core, and a small sound escaped my lips.

“I need you so badly.” His voice was low and sultry.

“Yes…we can be…careful…” I whispered breathlessly, trying to convince myself, but knowing it would be Aidan who would need all of the restraint.

“I can stop before I…” Aidan trailed off, growling into my neck and sending vibrations through my skin.

“Are you sure?” I asked, completely engulfed by his deliberate touches.

“I don’t know…” He moved his mouth down my neck and onto my bare chest, sending a new kind of desire coursing through my veins.

I closed my eyes, realizing that we were now far past any chance of self-control we might be able to retain, and I trailed my hand down his stomach, past his torso to the part of him that I desired most.

He groaned into my chest. “Ok, yes...I’m sure…”

His words were enough, and I moved my hands to his back, digging my fingers into his skin and pulling him closer to me, needing him in every way possible.

Our passion overflowed into a mess of tangled limbs and breaths of ecstasy. Tender touches led to frenzied hunger, and all that existed between us was our mutual desire, our love, and every last nerve ending on my body that craved him so much.

Within moments, he was there, and I felt all of him, connected with all of me. It was intense and profound, and we locked eyes, understanding the gravity of our decision to continue. We didn’t need words. Our eyes did the talking, and I could see the love in his as he slowly began to move.

The feelings inside of me, both emotional and physical, took me to places I’d never been, and I truly felt like I’d never experienced something so incredible as being with him in this moment.

Every desperate need I’d had, to feel him pressed against me and to see him wholly undone in this state, was granted in this long-awaited, euphoric exchange of passion. Every breath I drew was a plea for more, to which he indulged each time, sending me closer and closer to the edge. And every burning second sent him closer too. It was as if nothing else in the world mattered, or even existed, as we moved together as one at last. Complete and utter yearning for each other led to a scene of perfect intimacy and eventually a sweet release that left us both breathless.

As I came back to Earth and the flashes of light faded from my eyes, I felt Aidan collapse on top of me, breathing heavily into my neck.

He’d accomplished his task of self-restraint and perfect timing successfully, and a satisfied comfort flowed through my veins, knowing that we’d been as careful as we could, under the circumstances.

Aidan grunted and pushed himself up onto his elbows. His caramel eyes started deeply into mine. We exchanged a silent and mutual emotion through our gazes. “I love you, Colette.” He breathed.

“I love you, Aidan.” I replied, and I meant it more than I’d ever meant any other words that had ever left my mouth.

His warm and exhausted lips found mine, kissing me with an unyielding devotion. And in that moment, I was no longer afraid, and I was no longer alone. I felt whole, and I felt incredibly loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
> 
> To all of you who have been pestering me for this, you're welcome. 😁


	25. Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 15 new kudos on the last chapter? 😍 Thank you all so much!!
> 
> I spent a lot of time this last weekend, pondering where their emotions are going to take them now that they've expressed their feelings. Things are serious between them now, and I can't wait to keep exploring what that means for them. ❤️

As I opened my eyes, I saw a ray of morning sunlight peak through the leaves of our shelter wall. My gaze followed the ray of light down to where it landed across Aidan’s face and I blinked slowly, admiring his peaceful features as he slept. Where the light touched his dark hair, bits of gold and amber shimmered through. The stubble on his jawline was a few days old, and I wanted to reach out and touch it; to touch him, in any and every way.

My mind traveled to the night before, remembering that Aidan had said those three sweet words that meant the world to me. I bit my lip, still watching his peaceful face. I couldn’t believe that _he_ loved _me_. While I had surprised myself with my growing feelings for him, I at least understood how they came to be, and I saw how incredible he was and how easy it was to fall for him. But to know that he felt the same way about me was almost unbelievable. He’d been this untouchable man in my mind for years, and to know that this man was now in love with _me_ , was something that sent tingles down my spine.

Those tingles were also aplenty last night as I’d stared up into his eyes, completely undone and desperately in love with him, as I’d watched him give into a primal passion that he could not contain. It was a breathtaking montage of moments that I couldn’t have created in my own imagination if I’d tried. Being with him had been such a perfect combination of frantic hunger and tender sweetness. Afterwards, we’d laid peacefully together, basking in an afterglow that seemed to never end, and chatting deep into the night. I’d fallen asleep in his arms, safe and content.

The only regret that weighed on my mind was the fact that we’d thrown caution into the wind and allowed ourselves to fully succumb to our desires. Even though we’d been so careful, I knew that we’d still taken a risk, and it was bound to worry me until I could see my fears proven false.

I wiped my hand down my face. I was so thirsty. Coconut water was life-sustaining, but it left much to be desired. We were alive, but our bodies craved what they did not have enough of.

Aidan stirred next to me and blinked his eyes into the morning light. I smiled, watching him wake up and recognize his surroundings. When he turned his head and his gaze met mine, his eyes sparkled, and his mouth turned up into a warm grin.

Before speaking, he wrapped his arm around me and pulled me into his chest, burying his face in my hair. “Good morning, my love.” He breathed.

“Mmm…good morning.” I replied, smiling into his bare skin.

“Did you sleep well?” He asked.

“Marvelously.” I grinned.

He leaned his head back and his hazel eyes met mine. “God, I love waking up next to you…”

I touched my lips gently to his. “If I went back in time and told the version of myself 2 months ago, that this is where I’d be now, she’d laugh me out of the room, and then probably pass out when she realized it was true.”

Aidan raised a playful eyebrow. “Wanted me that bad, did ye?”

I smirked and pushed his shoulder in a lighthearted manner. And then I grinned warmly, realizing that he was quite right. “I was in pretty deep.”

Aidan rubbed his hand gently along my arm. “Did I do myself justice?”

I blinked affectionately at him. “Reality is always better than dreams.”

“Reality…” Aidan echoed, smiling, and then ran his fingers through my hair, and his face turned serious, deep in thought.

I knew exactly what he was thinking. We’d lost control last night, and now we had to face the worry that came as a result.

He looked deeply and emotionally at me and I melted in his gaze. I could stare into those expressive brown eyes for forever and an eternity. He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “How do you feel about what happened last night, honestly?”

I watched him for a moment, and then took a deep breath. “I have a few thoughts…”

Aidan propped himself up on his elbow and looked intently at me.

“First…” I continued. “And I’m surprised by this, but I don’t regret anything. It was perfect, and…mmmm…” I began to remember the vivid details. “Yeah, it was pretty much perfect.” I grinned.

Aidan smirked as he kept his eyes on me, watching me re-live the moments.

“But…” I took another deep breath. “It can’t happen again.” I monitored Aidan closely to see his reaction.

He blinked and tightened his lips, indicating that he knew I was right.

“It’s too much of a risk.” I continued. “You know it as well as I do. We have to be smart. When I’m able to think clearly about it, I know that it is not worth the danger.”

Aidan sighed. “I would almost say that last night shouldn’t have happened, but I’m with you – I don’t regret it barely at all. It was something that…almost _needed_ to happen. I might have almost lost my mind if it didn’t.” He chuckled.

I grinned and placed my hand on his jaw, tracing the stubble there.

“But I also feel a bit guilty.” He continued. “I should have had the mind to stop it before it happened. I don’t know what I’ll do if this results in something we weren’t prepared for. I’m sorry for being so reckless.” His eyes were apologetic.

“Hey...” I responded gently. “This was a two-way street. We’re both equally responsible.”

“Well, for now, as difficult as it may be, we’ll take one step back in the name of caution.” He replied. “Look, as unforgiving as this island is, I still believe there is a higher probability that we’ll be rescued than not. And when that day comes, we’ll have access to all of the contraception we could ever need.” He smirked. “Until then, we’ll be more careful.”

His eyes were sincere and sympathetic to the fact that the risks held far more danger to me than him, and I smiled warmly back at him and then laughed myself. “Now, I wait patiently to have my worries diminished.”

Aidan tilted his head. “I don’t envy you those worries.”

“We did the best we could with the situation we were given.” I replied.

Just then, a rumble resounded from outside, and Aidan and I looked at each other in surprise, recognizing that it was thunder.

“A storm…” He breathed.

My heart jumped. We needed rain so bad. We needed those birds back, and we needed the hydration. We didn’t quite have the energy we used to, and I knew lack of water was the culprit.

“I’m going to go check it out and see what we’re in for.” Aidan said, pulling on his shorts and standing up.

I held tightly onto his hand, not wanting to let go of him, and deciding to be playful about it.

Aidan grinned and leaned down to kiss me. “I’ll be back, love.”

I let his fingers slip from mine as he exited the shelter, and I flopped onto my back, grinning at the ceiling. I loved him so much that I felt like I was about to burst. Yes, the thought of imminent rain left me thirsty, but the thought of imminent Aidan left me parched.

I slipped my shorts on and pulled my shirt over my head, and then I turned to etch a new mark into the cave wall.

64 days.

More than 2 months.

Sometimes it sounded like such a short flash of time, and sometimes it sounded like an eternity. But it sure _felt_ like an eternity. The hours and the days passed slowly here without the distractions of reality. And during these two months, I felt like I’d gotten to know Aidan better than friends I’d known for years.

I thought about the common game of questioning how you’d survive on a deserted island, what you’d bring with you, who you’d want to be stranded with. Somehow, I was indeed surviving, I’d brought enough to keep myself alive, and I was stranded with the person who would probably have topped my list if I’d been presented with that game months ago.

I thought about the odds of our situation and my heart began to race. If the plane had never gone down, then Aidan would have safely disembarked in New Zealand, far ahead of me, and I would never have even confirmed that he’d been the man I’d seen in first class. We would have gone our separate ways, and most likely never have the chance to meet. I felt a lump in my throat. _We’d have never fallen in love…_

Life was so intricate, hanging on the edge of small choices and small mistakes, completely altering the path of the future, and laying the foundation for moments and lifetimes of joy that would have been unattainable otherwise.

That plane had failed either because of mechanical neglect, or maybe just by chance, and Aidan and I had somehow survived. We were thrust into an adventure together, and we’d taken it and made the most of it. We’d turned a horrible act of fate into an epic journey towards love.

Other than saving the lives of the other souls on that plane, I wouldn’t have changed a thing. All of the hardships we’d faced, and the close calls that almost took our lives were worth it, if it meant we were able to experience this sweet and profound love.

I sighed and turned to peer out the door of our shelter. The skies _were_ in fact becoming dark with clouds, and I decided to join Aidan in watching their arrival.

He was standing by the water, watching the waves as they picked up speed in the growing wind. His curls blew wildly around his head.

I walked quietly up next to him and slipped my hand into his. Surprised by my presence, he looked down at me and then squeezed my hand affectionately. “Looks like the drought might finally be over.” He nodded towards the clouds.

I leaned my head on his shoulder and watched the storm roll in.

“Are the containers still set out?” Aidan asked me.

“Yep, they are.” I replied.

“Well, then let’s just watch it happen.” He said, lowering himself to sit on the ground.

I sunk down next to him and he wrapped his arm around me. We watched the darkness increase as the clouds expanded; larger and larger. It was like watching the small plane inching closer to our island on two separate occasions, except, in this case, the storm was too large to miss us, and we could anticipate it without worrying that we would miss out.

Aidan turned his head to kiss my forehead. “So, I’m curious. When did you know that your feelings for me had grown?”

I lifted my head and looked into his eyes. I thought back to the way that my love for him had grown slowly, and I’d realized it over the course of a few days. “It was sometime between our conversation, when I learned that you were trying to be respectful to me, and when I watched you struggling to stay alive after your accident.” I paused and frowned. “I realized how much I couldn’t bear to lose you…”

He rubbed my shoulder. “I had thought that my misinterpretation of your desires for our physical relationship had been a net loss.”

I smiled. “No, I appreciated that you were trying to take care of me; of my emotions. It was very kind of you.”

Aidan leaned in and kissed me. “I just want you to be comfortable and happy.”

“I’m both of those things.” I replied, and then I laughed, remembering the first few days on the island. “Remember when I could barely speak to you, early on?”

He chuckled. “I believe all you kept repeating to me in those the first few moments was my name. You were certainly shocked to see me. But, was I really worth all of the nervousness?” He gestured to himself.

I smirked. “You’ve been worth all of the emotions, from the starstruck beginning, to the love I feel now.”

Aidan took my hand in his and squeezed it gently. I looked deeply into his eyes, wondering how he’d come to feel his love for me. “So, when did you know?” I asked.

He grinned. “It was when I saw you in that yellow dress.”

I blushed and looked down at my hands.

“But it wasn’t just because of how beautiful you looked.” He added quickly. “I was so touched that you’d taken the time to doll yourself up like that for me. I knew in that moment, that you cared, and that you saw something in me and wanted to bring me happiness. You’re very considerate, and your sweet little gestures are adorable.”

I watched him with emotional eyes, as he explained his feelings.

“And then, when you saved my life, I knew I had to tell you. It became even more real to me then.” Aidan’s eyes locked with mine and then he leaned in and kissed me deeply.

His lips were soft and warm, reminding me that his body was no longer struggling from lack of blood, and that he was healthy and happy in front of me. I didn’t know what I’d done to deserve him, but I never wanted to let him go.

As we kissed, I began to feel small pelts of water on my bare arms.

Rain.

We both looked up at the sky, seeing the drops falling down onto us. Aidan got to his feet, extended his arms, and threw his head back, rejoicing in the hydration. I spun around and laughed, letting it drench me as it quickly began to turn into a downpour.

It was glorious and refreshing, and I looked out onto the horizon, seeing the dark clouds still descending. This wasn’t going to be a small shower like the last one. This was real, healing rain, and I welcomed it with open arms of my own.

As I closed my eyes and let the rain pelt my face, I felt Aidan surprise me from behind, snaking his arms around my waist and leaning around me to place a kiss on my cheek. He spun me back towards him in his arms and then pulled me close. Laughing, he placed his hands on either side of my face and leaned in to kiss me hungrily. I wrapped my arms around his neck and stepped up onto my toes, sinking into him as the rain fell in sheets around us.

We stayed like that for a moment, celebrating both the storm and our mutual feelings. And then Aidan pulled back and took my hand in his.

“Come on, let’s get you out of this rain.” He laughed and pulled me towards our cave. We ran past the logs of our fire, now completely extinguished by the downpour. But we didn’t even care. Starting a fire was a simple amateur task for us now, and the least of our worries.

Aidan pulled me into the shelter and wrapped his wet arms around me again, as we both continued to laugh. The wet strands of his hair hung onto his face and I pushed them from his eyes.

“I love you.” I breathed, taking his hand in mine staring into his eyes for a moment.

“I love you too.” He grinned. And I knew neither of us could say it enough. 

I pulled him down to sit on the floor with me and I laughed and wrung my soaking wet hair out onto the ground. “I’m completely drenched.” I giggled.

When Aidan didn’t respond, I looked up at him and saw that he was staring at me with those eyes again – the ones that told me his mind was in a fiery place.

I bit my lip and grinned back at him. “I should get out of these wet clothes.”

“Let me help you.” His voice was low and gruff.

I let out a deep, shaking breath as he moved forward to kneel in front of me, and then he pushed the hair from my neck and ever so slowly began a trail of warm kisses down the sensitive skin there. His hands found my waist, pushing my wet shirt up further and further until he pulled it over my head. He tossed it aside and it made a sloshing sound. I giggled and the corners his lips turned up too, but only for a second before he became serious again.

He leaned back in and kissed me firmly, pushing me gently down onto my back. He lifted his head and his darkened eyes bore into mine. “You’re so beautiful.”

I felt warmth travel down to my core at his words.

His lips found my collarbone and then trailed down my chest, leaving a hot path against my skin, which was wet and chilled from the rain. I watched the top of his head and his dark, wet curls as he made his way lower and lower until his mouth was just below my belly button. My heart stopped. He hooked his fingers around the waistband of my shorts and gently tugged them down, following the descent with his lips and causing me to inhale a sharp breath of air.

I gripped the palm leaves tightly beneath me and surrendered to his touch, wishing it would last forever, as the downpour of rain outside mimicked the downpour of emotions in my full and content heart.


	26. Uneasy

“It’s so hot…it’s burrrrning…”

My eyes flew open and I looked around, trying to see what had woken me up.

Suddenly, I felt Aidan shifting next to me vigorously. I turned to look at him and saw that he was tossing his head back and forth and his face was contorted into a grimace. His eyes were squeezed shut.

“I can’t…it’s too hot.” His voice was grumbled and pained, and I sat up quickly and touched his shoulder with my hand.

“Aidan, wake up, you’re having a nightmare…Aidan...” My voice was quiet but insistent as I watched him with worry.

“Too hot…I’m sorry, I can’t…I’m sorry…” His voice became a whimper and I rubbed his shoulder harder, trying to pull him out of it.

He continued to toss his head back and forth. Sweat beaded on his forehead as he breathed hard.

“Aidan…” I said louder this time. “Aidan, hey, wake up.” My brows pulled together and I frowned, frightened to know what he was dreaming about.

“I’m sorry, I just…I can’t…it’s too hot…” His voice became louder and I thought I’d have to take more drastic measures to wake him. But then his eyes suddenly opened in response to my gentle shaking of his shoulder and his gaze briefly met mine before he squeezed them shut again.

He was breathing hard and he flopped his arms down next to his sides in defeat.

“Hey…It’s ok…” I cooed, pushing the sweaty strands of hair from his forehead. “It was just a dream.”

I studied him closely, trying to understand. He’d never had a nightmare since I’d known him, and especially not in the last two weeks since we’d confessed our love for each other. We’d been nothing but purely happy. I had no idea what was causing this.

He brought his hand to his face and wiped his forehead. His chest rose and fell heavily as he came back to reality.

I stroked his shoulder slowly. “Are you alright? Do you want to talk about it?” I asked gently.

His tortured eyes met mine and he seemed to contemplate for a moment if he wanted to tell me about it. But he slowly blinked his eyes and took a deep breath. “I was on the plane again…”

I swallowed and tilted my head sympathetically.

“It was so vivid. It was exactly like it happened. I couldn’t get to all of them. It was so hot…” There was a torture in his eyes. “Fire all around…It was awful. I could almost feel my skin burning…but I couldn’t get to them…”

I watched Aidan’s eyes well up slightly as he relived the moments. I couldn’t imagine what he’d been through, and how horrific it must have been to see the dead and the dying who he couldn’t get to.

“I wish I could have done more…” He laid the back of his hand over his eyes in grief.

I placed my hand on his cheek and touched the scar that remained there, reminding me of the ordeal. “Aidan…” I whispered. “You did absolutely everything you could. You did a wonderful thing that day, checking on so many of us; giving us a chance to live. You didn’t have to do any of that. You could have saved yourself first, but you chose to stay and search for life.”

“I can’t help but think if I would have tried a bit harder…” He said quietly.

I gently lifted his hand from his eyes and looked at him squarely. “Don’t do that to yourself. You went above and beyond your call of duty. No one faults you for that. It’s the exact opposite. You saved a life that day. You saved _my_ life.”

He closed his pained eyes and took a deep breath.

“I didn’t realize you were still struggling so hard with this. I’m sorry.” I spoke gently. “Do you know what brought this dream on?”

He sighed and pulled himself into a sitting position and rested his elbow on his knee. “It’s always been in the back of my mind. I’m not sure what triggered it to come out tonight though.”

I scooted closer to him and placed my hand on his leg. “Do you want to talk a bit more about it?” It was the middle of the night, but I wanted him to find some resolve before trying to sleep again.

“I don’t know…” He sighed.

I watched his dark figure next to me. I knew that talking about it could only help. “When you were asleep just then, you sound like you were…talking to someone.” I gulped, not sure I wanted to know the answer to my next question. “Was there someone alive that you couldn’t get to?”

He blinked and looked up at me. “Did I? That’s interesting. But no, I couldn’t see anyone alive. There was so much fire, but I didn’t hear anyone or see any movement.” He thought for a moment. “Maybe I subconsciously feel like there could have been someone else though, that I could have helped.”

I rested my chin on my palm, wishing there was something I could say to make him feel better, but knowing that there probably wasn’t. “It sounds to me like, if you would have tried, you probably would have hurt yourself even more or died in the process, and then maybe _no one_ would have survived.”

He stared at the cave wall blankly and nodded slowly.

I rubbed his back gently. “You can’t let this eat you up inside. I can see now that you’re still dealing with it. And I know you won’t be able to let it go so easily. I’m sorry that I didn’t notice before. But, please talk to me about it when you need to. I was granted the blessing of being unconscious for the whole ordeal, so, it doesn’t affect me the same way. But you have another scar, like the one on your face. Except this one is metaphorical, and you have to let it heal too.”

Aidan took my hand in his. “Thank you.” His voice was laced with emotion.

“Of course, Aidan. I’m always here, whenever you need to talk…about anything.” I smiled warmly at him.

He leaned in and kissed me tenderly. “You get some more sleep. I’m going to tend to the fire while I’m up. I don’t think I can fall back asleep quite yet.”

“Are you sure? You’ll be alright alone?” I asked, concerned.

“Yes, love.” He smiled, placing his hand on my cheek. “You go back to sleep.”

I touched his forearm affectionately and then he stood up and left the shelter quietly.

I laid back down and ran my hand through my hair. I wish I’d known before that he was still struggling. I _should_ have known. What a traumatic experience. It made me so sad to see him so broken. Just like his body struggled when he’d been injured, his mind struggled with this. He was so human to me in this state, dealing with grief and hardship, just like the rest of us. I wanted to make it all go away for him. And I think I probably had just a bit, for at least these last few weeks as we explored our newfound love for one another.

The days had been filled with dancing, and laughing, and kissing…and many other wonderful moments that made my heart skip a beat when I thought about them. We’d kept ourselves from going all the way again in terms of our intimacy, but just barely, and only because we found an overwhelming enjoyment in what we _could_ do. I had a feeling that there would come a day when we’d start to lose our minds with craving for the ultimate expression of our love again – I knew I daydreamed about it frequently – but for now, we were content.

Aidan’s leg was virtually healed over at this point, and he’d begun to spearfish again, as well as hunt the birds that had returned to the island after the drought. We were gaining our strength again and eating much better. I worried about him even more, every time he went out in the water, but he assured me that he’d learned from his accident and knew how to be more careful. Still, I tended to sit and watch him from the beach each time he went now, just to be safe.

My worries were not only for Aidan’s safety when fishing though. It had just been two weeks since we’d slept together, but I still hadn’t gotten my period, and it’s absence brought a lot of anxiety to my overall emotions. I could tell Aidan was nervous too. With the drought and the fact that I’d probably been dehydrated for a week or so, my cycle was likely out of sorts, so I wasn’t sure when to expect it, but the waiting was torture, and I could hardly bear it. My mind was playing tricks on me. Occasionally, I’d think I felt nauseous, or extra tired, but I knew I was probably being a hypochondriac, and I tried to ignore it. I noticed Aidan eye me every morning, waiting to see if I felt sick or presented any other signs of pregnancy. He didn’t verbalize his worries, but I could see them in his eyes. I felt bad that I couldn’t just bear those fears on my own shoulders, but that he had to experience them as well.

I stared at the ceiling of the cave, unable to fall back asleep. What if I _was_ pregnant? My heartrate increased. What would we do? How would I give birth on this island if we still hadn’t been rescued? With no access to any medical supplies or knowledge, we’d have to do it all alone. Or, what if we _were_ rescued and had to explain to everyone that we’d been so irresponsible and careless? What kind of reaction would there be? What would Jane think? How would Aidan feel? Would he feel trapped, like he had no choice but to stay with me, for the sake of our child? I squeezed my eyes shut. I did _not_ want that.

I rubbed my hands over my eyes. The chances were so small, I needed to stop worrying. I looked at the empty spot on the ground next to me. I knew Aidan was just outside, but I missed him when he wasn’t here. It had become hard to sleep alone, without him next to me. There was a comfort in his presence that I craved so much. It had been just the two of us for so long that his absence felt unnatural.

I heard the rustling of palm leaves, and then Aidan stepped into the shelter and quietly sat down next to me. His eyes met mine in the dark. “You’re still awake?” He asked, surprised.

“Mhmm…” I nodded, stretching my arms above my head.

“Can you not sleep?” He laid down next to me.

“Not when you’re not here.” I murmured, rolling towards him.

“Aww…” He replied softly, and pulled me into his chest. He kissed the top of my head and wrapped his arms tightly around me. “I’m here now.”

I breathed him in and let out a long, contented sigh. “Are you feeling better?”

“Yes, I think so.” He replied softly.

I felt his chest rising and falling calmly, so I trusted him and didn’t push further. Instead, I let the feel of his protective arms lull me into a deep and peaceful sleep.

***

  
The next morning, I sat by the fire peeling the husk from a coconut. Aidan was away washing up, and I sat alone, thinking about how irresponsible I’d been when I’d drank from that rotten coconut over a month ago. I still couldn’t believe I’d been so careless. I needed to stay on my toes when up against the dangers of this island.

Aidan came around one of the boulders, hair slicked back and wet from the ocean water. He held a small bottle of shampoo in one hand and his electric razor in the other. I looked at his face. He hadn’t shaved.

“Well, it appears the razor has breathed its last breath.” He half-smiled, but also looked a bit annoyed. “Guess you’ll have to get used to this sexy beard I'm about to grow.” He grinned cheekily.

I smirked. “I’ll take you any way I can get you. That razor had a good run though.” I gestured towards it.

“It really did.” He turned it around in his hands, studying it, and then tossed it aside before sitting down next to me.

I cut a hole into the top of my coconut and then smelled it briefly. But I pulled my nose back quickly, thinking I might sense something foul. I handed it to Aidan. “Does this smell ok to you?”

He took it from me and brought it to his nose, but he had no reaction. Slowly, he handed back to me. “I smells fine to me.” His eyes were tentative and held a bit of worry as he studied me closely. “Does it smell foul to you?”

I held it to my nose again. This time, it smelled fine. I pulled my eyebrows together. “I don’t know, I thought maybe it did, but…I don’t know.” I looked back up at him and I could see that his eyes held an obvious uneasiness.

Worried myself, I knew exactly why he had that look. A heightened sense of smell was a common symptom of pregnancy. But I shook my head. “I probably am just being too cautious after I got sick before. It’s probably nothing.” I waved him off.

But when I looked back up at him, he was still watching me with anxiety. “I’m alright. It’s fine.” I said quickly, trying to comfort him, and then I took a long swig. But I closed my eyes and tried to hide my own expression of unease.

The water went down fine and I set the shell down and then looked back at Aidan. He was still watching me.

“Do you feel ok?” He asked tentatively, eyes still slightly widened.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I replied, standing up. I didn’t want to freak him out, but I already knew that I was far past preventing that. I held out my hand. “Can I have that shampoo? I’m going to go wash up.”

He handed it to me slowly, and we maintained eye contact for a moment, expressing a nonverbal understanding that we couldn’t be sure one way or the other. I took a deep breath and grabbed the bottle from him before gathering a new set of clothes and heading towards the beach, leaving Aidan by the fire.

I felt my heartrate increase as I walked nervously towards the water. It was nothing; for sure, it was nothing, I told myself over and over again as I walked. I shook my head, trying to deny it.

But could it be?

I stopped at the water’s edge and took a long, deep breath. I placed my hands on my hips and closed my eyes, trying to accept whatever reality I would be faced with. I studied my symptoms. I didn’t feel nauseous exactly, I just experienced a moment of distaste for the smell of that coconut. Maybe it was just a delayed traumatic reaction, like Aidan’s nightmare had been?

I pulled my shirt over my head and tossed it aside, trying to regulate my nervous heart rate. It would all be ok. No matter the outcome. _It would all be ok._

Then, I began to pull my shorts off. When I looked down, I stopped in my tracks and immediately let out a deep, relieved breath. I’d gotten my period. I _wasn’t_ pregnant.

I’d never been happier to greet Mother Nature as I was today.

I let my head fall back and I started to laugh. I couldn’t believe I’d been so worried. It _was_ all going to be ok. I wouldn’t be dangerously delivering a baby on a deserted island after all.

I picked up the bottle of shampoo and waded into the water, continuing with my washing. My heart rate slowed, and I breathed deeply, beyond thankful. As much as I knew I’d love have a child someday, and maybe even with Aidan, now was not the time, and began to feel a resurgence of hopefulness that we could do this. We could survive, just the two of us.

When I was finished and put a new set of clothes on, I wrung out my hair and walked confidently back up the beach to tell Aidan. I couldn’t wait. It would be one less thing he’d need to worry about.

When I rounded the last boulder and he came into sight, I grinned widely at him.

He was sitting against a rock, picking at a coconut. His eyes met mine.

“NOT pregnant.” I smiled.

Aidan’s eyes widened in response and then he let out the biggest, most relieved sigh, and let his head fall back gently onto the rock. “Thank God…wow…”

His chest was rising and falling like he’d just run a marathon and he ran his hand through his hair.

“I know, right…?” I replied, leaning against another boulder.

“That’s the best news I’ve ever heard.” He breathed. “That would have been…awful. This is not the time for that…”

“Yeah it would have been bad.” I agreed, scratching my head.

“I mean, can you even imagine?” He looked at me with wide eyes. “What an ordeal that would be. Think about the consequences. No, thank you.”

My smile started to fade into a frown. Was he talking about the idea of having a baby on this island, or just babies in general?

“Whew, Colette, that is such good news.” He looked up at me, clearly exhausted from his worrying. “I’ve been so distressed over this. I can’t even fathom how we would have handled that, or how I would have responded. I’m so glad we don’t have to find out.”

I pursed my lips and looked down at the rock next to me, brushing some sand from its surface. From the way he was talking, it sure sounded like he had absolutely no desire to have a child with me; maybe not ever. Of course, I wasn’t ready either, but he could have at least expressed a bit of affection at the idea.

I grimaced at my last thought, realizing I was being completely ridiculous. We’d known each other for just two and a half months. Of course he was happy I wasn’t pregnant.

“So relieved…” he echoed quietly.

I knew it was silly for me to be bothered by his response – we were NOT in a place to have a child – but a small part of me worried that maybe he was completely put off by the idea of having one with me even in the future. I’d definitely pondered it, imagining a short little bobbing mane of dark brown curls, running around the house – our house in my dreams.

But I knew I couldn’t fault him for being so thrilled that I wasn’t pregnant. I was beyond relieved too. I don’t know what kind of response I was expecting from him, but somewhere, deep down in the instinctual part of me, the part of me that craved a child in my arms someday, I wished he could have at least vocalized a desire for that too. I took a deep breath and walked to the fire, adjusting the logs.

“I think this calls for a celebration.” Aidan exclaimed. He stood up and grabbed me by the waist, looking into my eyes.

I blinked back at him, trying to be rational about the situation and trying to put a smile on my face

“I’m going to go get us a big, delicious bird, and we’re going to cook it up with some of that seaweed – I saw some growing again just over there.” He pointed towards the water and then his eyes met mine again as he smiled brightly. “I love you so much.”

I pulled my lips into a small grin. “I love you too.”

He gave me an affectionate squeeze and then grabbed his bow and walked confidently from our campsite with a new pep in his step.

I stood alone, overcome by the barrage of emotions I’d just cycled through. I knew that I was beyond happy that I wasn’t pregnant, and I knew Aidan was too, and he should be. But part of me – a part that maybe was not rational, but a part nonetheless – wondered if maybe he was relieved because he now knew he wouldn’t have any permanent ties with me if we ever left this island…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think someone's being a little irrational...🤔 At least she's self-aware. 😆


	27. Trust

The next afternoon, Aidan and I were gathering coconuts together. We were taking turns climbing the trees and knocking them down to the ground. Aidan was currently at the top of one of the taller trees and I stood a few meters away with his leather duffle bag, ready to collect them.

“Is the bag almost full down there?” He called down to me.

I looked inside. There was room for maybe one or two more coconuts. “Yeah, pretty much.” I called back to him.

Aidan pulled one more and then began his descent down the tree. “We should gather some more firewood today too. Our stock is low.” He said on his way down.

“Sounds good.” I replied, placing the last coconut in the bag and zipping it up.

Aidan reached the ground and walked towards me, taking the bag from my hands and slinging it over his shoulder before we began to walk back to our campsite. “I’d also like to replace some of the leaves in the S.O.S. They’re getting a little worn out.”

“Sure.” I replied quietly, walking alongside him, not saying anything more.

Aidan was quiet for a moment, and then I saw in my peripheral vision that he’d turned his head towards me. “Anything on your mind?”

I looked out at the horizon which was coming into view. “No, I’m fine.” I replied quickly. I didn’t feel much like discussing my irrational frustrations with him.

“Fine, as in, actually fine? Or fine, as in, I don’t want to talk about it fine?” Aidan asked quietly.

I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to try to explain to him how I was feeling when I didn’t even understand myself completely, so I thought quickly and responded with something else that had been on my mind.

“Do you think they’ve…gotten rid of all of our belongings, at home?” I swallowed. “Have they moved on as if we’ve died?”

Aidan walked slowly next to me, taking intentional steps around the groundcover. He took a deep breath. “I don’t know about your parents, but my Mam is too sentimental to have done that so quickly. I do worry about my home and my flats though. Those ongoing rents are going to build up.”

I blinked in mild shock at his nonchalant description of his multiple homes. But I shouldn’t have been surprised that he was wealthy enough to afford several of them. “How many apartments and homes do you have?”

He chuckled. “I have three. My home is Dublin, and then I have a flat in London and another in LA.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Well…I have one small studio apartment, and I’m pretty sure that’s been subletted by now. But you’re right, I don’t think my parents would have been able to part with my belongings just yet.” I imagined my mother, father, and older sister sitting at the kitchen table, sorting through memories of me.

“I’d like to have seen your apartment.” He smiled at me, mimicking my use of the more standard American word.

“It wasn’t much.” I waved him off. “Small and simple. It’s all I needed.”

“But to see it would have been a little glimpse into who you are; by the way you decorated it or how you kept things organized.” He replied.

I smiled, thinking about what it would have been like to invite him into my home. “How do you keep up with three of them?”

Aidan released the bag of coconuts from his shoulder and threw them down near our shelter. “Well, my Mam keeps an eye on my home in Dublin, I have someone hired in London, and in LA..." He paused. “Well…Jane took care of that.”

“Ah.” I replied simply. There was a tension in the air as her name was brought up. “Well, maybe they’ve transferred that lease to her.”

“I suppose that’s possible.” Aidan answered quietly.

I thought about Jane, helping his parents go through his belongings, reminiscing and bonding, all while he was here, alive and in love with someone else.

“What’s Dublin like?” I asked, trying to take my mind off of Jane.

“It’s gorgeous. I love it. It’s not at all like LA though.” He grinned.

“I’d love a chance to see for myself someday…if we get back, and things go well…” I mused tentatively.

Aidan furrowed his eyebrows. “Well, of course. I’ll be eager to get you over there and show you around; take you to some of my favorite places.”

I smiled, glad to be reminded that he still seemed to imagine me as part of his life if we were to ever be rescued.

I thought about the other things that had likely changed since we’d left. “Man, I hope they give me my job back.”

“I hope they haven’t found a new Ross.” Aidan chuckled.

I grinned and turned to him, linking my arms around his waist and looking up into his eyes. “There is no other Ross but you…except for, well, I guess Robin Ellis…” I added quickly, giggling.

He smirked and leaned down to kiss me gently on the lips. “What a shock to everyone it’ll be if we return.”

“It’ll be a shock to _me_.” I replied. “I’m honestly so used to this life now. I half expect us to be here forever.”

Aidan studied me for a moment. “Would you prefer to be here forever?” He asked gently, his caramel eyes reflected bits of green as he looked down at me with his arms still wrapped around my shoulders.

I thought about how much I loved him and the bond that we’d created here on this island. I never wanted to lose that. I didn’t want to stay on this island forever, but I wanted to continue to grow with him, and I had no idea what that would look like back in civilization.

I gazed up into his eyes, which were examining mine closely and tenderly. “If it were the only way I could be with you, then yes.”

He smiled warmly and then a bit of seriousness touched the corners of his eyes. He ran one of his hands softly through my hair, pushing it back from my face. “But you know that my love for you doesn’t exist only on this island, right?”

Our eyes locked and I could tell he was worried about my doubts. His ability to read me so well was surprising, but also comforting. We were starting to know each other on such a deep level. I blinked a few times. “I…think so…” I responded quietly.

Aidan took my hand and pulled me gently towards a rock to sit down. His eyes met mine. “Alright, I can tell that you think that if we are rescued, I’m just going walk away and forget you ever existed. I obviously haven’t done enough to show you otherwise, so let’s talk about this.”

I looked down at our hands and rubbed my thumb over his knuckles. “No, no, you’ve been great. It’s not that.”

“Well, something’s got you questioning it.” He replied. “Is it my career and who I am?”

I continued to stare at our hands clasped together. “I suppose, maybe. But it’s more about who _I_ am. I think you’d find me and my life incredibly boring and simple. I fear I’d lose you to something or someone flashier and more exciting.”

Aidan squeezed my hand gently. “Colette…” He whispered. “Look at me.”

I lifted my eyes slowly to his. He watched me carefully. “Do you remember the conversation we had in our first week here, when I told you I was exhausted from that extravagant lifestyle?”

I nodded slightly.

“Did you not believe me?” His eyes were inquisitive.

I took a breath. “I don’t think you’ve lied to me. I believe you.” I paused. “But I also know that this island is a bit of a trap, and you have no distractions or temptations to sway your mind elsewhere. I don’t know where your mind will be if we’re rescued and an endless array of options and opportunities are laid in front of you again.”

I was surprised that I‘d been able to put my doubts into words that made sense. Everything I’d said described them perfectly, except I’d been sure to leave out the part about being worried he’d feel forced to stay with me if a baby had come into the picture. That fear was in the past now, it was something I was afraid to admit, and it wasn’t relevant to our current conversation.

Aidan took a deep breath and shifted his body towards mine. “Colette…I’ve never felt with anyone, the way I feel when I’m with you. Deserted island aside, I love being with you, growing with you, talking with you, laughing with you… Those things won’t change if we’re doing them in a living room under the light of a lamp versus on a secluded beach by the light of a fire.” His warm hands grasped mine tightly. “I love _you_. Not just the you on this island, but any and every version of you I’m lucky enough to know.”

My cheeks grew warm at his words. I could tell that they’d come from a deep place, and that he meant all of them.

He continued. “If and when we return to civilization, some things will be different. We’ll have our own obligations, we won’t spend twenty-four hours a day together, and we’ll have new obstacles to overcome, but I want to experience it all with you, and I want to see what that life may have to offer us…together.” He took a deep breath again. “Nothing is flawless. There will be bits of our lives that won’t fit together perfectly, but I’m eager to bend and adjust so that they will eventually.”

I held his gaze for a moment and then closed my eyes, leaning in and resting my forehead against his.

“Do you think you can trust me that I’m being truthful with you?” Aidan whispered. “I want nothing more than for you to trust me.”

“I trust you.” I whispered back. And I did. I believed that he truly did love me and that he wanted to continue to love me if we were ever rescued. I believed him when he said that he’d work to keep our relationship strong. I was ready to put in that work too. I didn’t know exactly what that meant, but I was prepared for that journey, if it were ever to present itself to us.

***

A few days later, I was away from our campsite, washing some of our clothes on the opposite side of the island. Sometimes I came to this side because the current wasn’t as strong, and the water felt warmer. It was the part of the beach where we’d washed up, and I tended to reminisce about the moment I had woken up to see Aidan’s face looking back at me. I’d been so out of it, unsure of who I was seeing, but I remembered feeling the realization sink in. It had been like a dream to me; impossible and absurd. But I now knew this was not a dream. This adventure was very real and quite the opposite of absurd. It felt like every moment had happened for a reason, like the stars had aligned and brought us together, because this is where we were meant to be.

My mind wandered to memories of Caleb and the feelings I’d one had for him. They were so dwarfed now compared to how much I loved Aidan. It was like seeing the sun for the first time after months of clouds. You had still seen some of the light before, but the warmth and the comfort that came directly from the source and hit you straight in the face was unmatched by anything else.

I wanted to make sure that he was just as happy as I was. I knew that my heart was bursting with joy, and I wanted nothing more than to know that his always was too.

That would be my responsibility, to keep being for him the person that he needed in his life; his greatest supporter and his greatest fan.

I laughed. I felt like I’d had the greatest fan part down plenty prematurely.

I wrung out the last t-shirt. It was Aidan’s, and I smiled, feeling a bit like a housewife doing his laundry. Even though we were placed in this exotic and unforgiving landscape, there were so many parallels to life in the real world.

I placed the wet clothes into the woven basket I’d carried with me and began to walk back across the island. I knew it would be time for us to eat dinner soon, and I’d need to gather some seaweed. It was usually my contribution to the meal, and I’d cook it like spinach with the bird or the fish that Aidan provided. I hoped there would be an abundance tonight so that I wouldn’t have to search for too long.

After a few moments, when I rounded the last boulder near our beach, Aidan came into view. He was leaning over a waist-high rock just a few meters from the fire, adjusting something he’d placed there.

He turned around and stepped in front of it quickly when he saw me. “Oh, you’re back. Perfect.” He grinned, looking mischievous.

I set the basket down slowly. “What’s going on?”

He grabbed something from the rock and held it behind his back as he walked slowly towards me, continuing to block the rock from my view. When he stopped in front of me, his eyes sparkled, and he took my hand in his.

I smirked and studied his face, trying to figure out what he was up to.

Never breaking eye contact, he pulled his other hand from behind his back and presented a large, pink, tropical flower to me. “This is for you.” He paused. “And I’d like to ask you on a date.” His grin grew even more.

A surge of butterflies erupted in my stomach, which was silly, because we were so far past the stage of a first date, but something about his innocent question made my heart flutter. I took the flower from him. “Thank you, and I’d love to.” A large smile formed on my face.

“Perfect, I was hoping you’d say yes, because I already have dinner ready.” He turned and gestured to the rock, which was set up like a dinner table; the food and coconuts already set out.

I laughed. “Wow, this is…you did it all?”

He placed his hand on my back and guided me gently towards the rock. “I figured you deserved a night off from cooking, and I haven’t taken you on a proper date yet.”

I smiled as I saw the two servings of cooked bird meat, on beds of green seaweed, placed inside hollowed coconuts. On either side of the rock were large pieces of driftwood, placed as chairs. Aidan led me to mine and held my hand as I sat down. Then he went to his side and took a seat as well.

“I hope you like island bird and mysterious seaweed. They didn’t have much on the menu.” He grinned.

I laughed and shook my head. “I love you.”

“Wow, so soon, and on the first date.” Aidan teased.

I looked up at his crinkled, amused eyes and I grinned widely at him. He was absolutely adorable.

“I love you too.” He replied warmly.

“This was so thoughtful of you.” I said, looking down at the meal in front of me and taking a small bite. “I had no idea.”

“Well, that was kind of the point.” Aidan chuckled. “I knew you’d be away for a while this afternoon.

I set the flower down on the rock gently. “This is beautiful. Where did you find it?”

“The corner flower shop.” Aidan smirked.

“Well, you are in quite a cheeky mood tonight.” I laughed.

There was a touch of humor in his voice when he replied. “I figured we needed a taste of home to keep us sane and to catch a glimpse of what life might be like once we’re there.”

I looked up at him from my meal and saw that he was smiling genuinely at me. He was trying so hard to show me how much he cared and how much he’d be there for me if we were ever rescued. It was beyond sweet, and I felt myself falling for him even more.

“Thank you.” I whispered.

He smiled contentedly and took a bite of his food.

We talked while we ate, as the flicker of fire illuminated our dinner, and when we’d finished, I couldn’t take my eyes off of his face, which was also gently illuminated. I knew that if we were ever rescued, I’d miss the way he looked in the light of a fire. It somehow softened and sharpened his features equally. I wanted to always see him the way I saw him now.

“That was wonderful.” I thanked him, picking up my flower and smelling its sweet fragrance.

He leaned forward on his elbows and his molasses eyes stared deeply into mine. “I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

We held gazes for a moment, entranced by one another.

“Would you like to take a walk?” He asked.

I set the flower down and stood up, walking over to him. I held out my hand and he took it and stood up in front of me. “Maybe in a bit.” I replied quietly, feeling more like showing him my gratitude instead.

He smiled warmly and kissed my forehead. “That was undoubtedly the best first date I’ve ever been on.”

I grinned at him and felt my own eyes darken. “I think it’s about to get even better for you.”

His expression was inquisitive, as if he didn’t know what I meant, but I leaned in to kiss his neck, which was covered by a longer stubble that had grown since his razor stopped working, and ran my hands down his chiseled chest. I felt his skin, hot under my lips as I trailed them down towards the bits of hair that escaped above the neckline of his shirt.

I felt his breathing increase as his hands found my hair, running his fingers through it. I leaned back for a second to look at him and saw that his eyes were watching me with a fire that I knew I’d put there. I bit my lip and grinned at him before dropping to my knees and lifting his shirt, placing soft kisses on his navel, right at the edge of the waistband of his pants.

“I should take you on dates more often…” Aidan breathed unevenly, submitting to the moment.

I chuckled into his warm skin and began to undo the button of his pants, feeling my breathing increase as well.

I couldn’t have agreed more. I was almost as eager as he was.


	28. Passion

I sighed as I finished etching the ninety-second mark into the hard stone of our cave wall.

Three months.

I stood in front of the wall and gazed at the markings. Eventually, we would run out of room. My eyes traveled to the first few ticks that we’d made in our initial days here. If we’d known how long we’d be here back then, would we have done anything differently? We’d been so sure that we would be rescued quickly. It had been a waiting game in those early days, and we’d looked at our situation as though it were temporary. Now, we had no idea what the future held. After three months, for all we knew, we could be here for another three, or even longer. The crazy thing was, I think we were both ok with that possibility. We’d found routine and comfort in our lives here. There was still a fear in the unknown, but the unknown was now an old friend to us. We lived with it every day, and we welcomed it as such.

I bent down to straighten the palm leaves that covered the ground of our shelter and then picked up one of Aidan’s shirts that he’d left on the floor. I folded it neatly in my hands and smiled before placing it in his basket of clothes. There was something about keeping our living space tidy that reminded me of the comforts of home, and it was a familiar routine.

Outside, Aidan was tending to the fire. He was always sure to keep it strong, should any need for it arise. I began to walk past him towards the basket of coconuts, but he grabbed me by the waist before I had a chance to react and spun me around, pulling me into him. His hips met mine and he held me firmly there and leaned his head down to kiss me passionately. I loved his spontaneous bursts of affection; they were a big part of his personality that I adored. I smiled into his lips as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

“You’re irresistible, you know that?” He murmured into my lips and trailed his hands to the small of my back, still holding me to him.

I smiled and bit my lip, pulling my face back momentarily to look at him. “Too bad you have to resist me.” I teased, trailing my fingers along the back of his neck and gently moving my hips against his.

His eyes darkened as they stared back into mine and I could feel him against me, clearly in a state of desire. I smirked at him and touched my nose to his. “I’m not sure I can resist you much longer…”

He let out a low groan and drew me even closer to him, closing his eyes and breathing deeply.

I closed my eyes as well and trailed my hands up and down his muscular arms. I felt a warmth deep in my core as my mind flashed back to that night, now a month ago, when we’d succumbed to our deepest cravings. I imagined the sensation of him again and I felt goosebumps raise on my skin. It was becoming harder and hard to stop ourselves from going that far again. We were just one ounce of lost control away from submitting to our passion once more.

I wondered if he would let himself lose that control. As much as I hated the idea of worrying about accidental pregnancy again, he did something to me that I couldn’t resist, and I wasn’t sure I had the restraint anymore. At what point did our fears become less important that the expression of our love for one another in that way? Our appetites for the fun we’d allowed ourselves since then were vast and greedy. We took every chance we had enjoy each other, and on a deserted island with nothing else to do, our chances were aplenty. It wasn’t easy to hold back, and we tended to take turns being the stronger of the two of us. One of us always seemed to have a clearer mind when it came to restraint, but I had a feeling our passion would eventually mutually boil over once again.

I pulled back and waited for him to open his eyes. When he did, I grinned. “I need to go gather more coconuts. Are you fishing or hunting today?”

He blinked slowly back at me. “Whichever gets me back to you faster.”

I smirked and kissed him quickly before turning and picking up his leather bag and heading towards the woods. “Don’t let your mind wander and delay you too long.” I called back over my shoulder. He was grinning at me when I caught his eye.

***  
  


Later that evening, as the sun was sinking lower into the sky, Aidan and I sat on a large piece of driftwood near the edge of the shore, watching the colors of the sunset light up the sky. I had my hand in his on his lap and he was running his thumb across my fingers absentmindedly. I’d put on my yellow dress; the one he loved so much, and it was splayed out around my legs on the rough wood we sat on.

“I’ll miss these sunsets if we leave here someday.” Aidan said quietly, looking out at the horizon.

I watched his profile as he spoke. I loved his strong brow line and straight nose, and his jaw and chin were covered in a dark beard that had lengthened quite a bit since he’d shaved last. It was rugged and sexy, and it was starting to grow on me.

“I’ll miss a lot of what this island has to offer.” I replied.

Aidan scratched his beard while still looking out at the water. “Sometimes, I feel like I’d rather just stay. Is that crazy?” He looked at me briefly. “I’m a bit worried about being thrown back into the pace my life previously moved at.”

I watched his expression, reading his concern. “You know, you’ll have a say in that if we return. You can slow down.” I said gently.

He turned to look at me again. “Oh, yes, I know. I don’t intend to take on as many projects as I had before. But I know there will be pressure, and I’m sure my passion for it all will keep me wanting more.”

“It’s all about balance.” I replied. “Don’t give up your passion, but don’t burn yourself out either.”

Aidan smiled and wrapped his arm around me. “Colette: my personal voice of reason.”

I grinned and kissed his cheek. “Someone’s gotta do it.”

He rubbed my shoulder tenderly as we watched the purples and blues become pinks and oranges in the distant sky.

I thought about the way he’d held me close earlier in the day by the fire, and it sent tingles up my spine to the back of my neck. “Could you show me another dance?” I asked, wanting to feel him pressed against me again.

He smiled. “Another dance? Hmmm…sure. Let’s see, how about my favorite?”

“What is your favorite?” I asked.

He grinned. “The Tango.”

I took a deep breath and laughed, picturing the sensual dance in my head. “I don’t know if I have enough rhythm for that one.”

“Ah, no I think you do.” He exclaimed, standing and pulling me to my feet as well. “It’s not so hard.”

I grinned, allowing him to pull me into position. I placed my hand on his shoulder and looked up into his sparkling eyes. I could tell he loved to teach. Lucky for him, I’d gladly learn anything he wanted to teach me.

His dark curls blew gently in the ocean breeze as he showed me the steps, but I could barely concentrate on what he said, because instead, I was watching the way his lips moved as he explained. I loved to listen to him speak, especially about something he was so passionate about. His deep voice, laced with that endearing Irish accent, was so soothing to me. His voice was like home to me now, and home was where I always wanted to be.

He pulled me around the beach, showing me the slow steps and the quick steps, and piecing them together in a way I could understand. My skills were sub-par, but he didn’t care, and neither did I. We were laughing and enjoying our closeness, just as we loved to do.

I caught a glimpse of the yellow skirt of my dress a few times, billowing out around me as he guided me effortlessly through the moves. It felt like a real dance, even without the music, when I wore a dress that fit the part.

As I began to pick up some of the steps, Aidan’s movements became smoother and less rigid. I could tell he was starting to relax into me and every few moments, he pulled me even closer to him. His muscled arms that were once tense, began to relax as he closed the distance between us. His cheek found mine and I felt the soft hair of his beard against my jaw as we swayed to an imaginary melody. The intentional steps of the Tango faded into a slow and loving embrace between us.

“I miss music…” I said quietly as he held me close.

“I do too…” Aidan agreed. “You don’t realize how much you could miss something until it’s gone.” He sighed and moved his hand to the small of my back, holding me to him firmly. “Music…Oh, and movies…I miss getting to just sit and enjoy a good film.”

“Do you actually watch the movie for enjoyment or just to study the acting techniques?” I smirked into his cheek.

Aidan chuckled. “No, I can enjoy a good movie for what it is.” He rubbed his hand gently up and down my back. “Hey, I don’t think I’ve ever asked you what your favorite film is.”

I dropped my forehead to his shoulder and grinned, knowing my answer would make him roll his eyes. “It’s a silly one.”

“Try me, I bet I’ve seen it.” Aidan replied.

“Oh, I’m sure you have. It’s a bit of a classic.”

“Well, then how could it be silly?” Aidan laughed.

“It’s Dirty Dancing.” I smirked, knowing that I must sound like such a typical girl.

“Ahh, Swayze was brilliant in that one.” Aidan replied with a chuckle.

“Yeah, it’s a bit of a guilty pleasure…but that epic ending though…” I mused, picturing Johnny and Baby swaying to the music, much like Aidan and I were now. In my memory, I saw her run into his arms as he lifted her into the air. After all they’d been through, it was such a culmination of their love.

Aidan leaned his head back and his eyes met mine, a twinkle of understanding in them. “The lift?”

I blinked. “Yeah, I think every woman in the world was jealous of Jennifer Grey in that moment.”

A grin spread across Aidan’s face, and he opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it quickly.

I tilted my head, wondering what he’d been about to say.

He smirked again in a mischievous manner. “Do you want to try it?”

My eyes widened. “What?”

His eyes crinkled as his smile increased. “Do you want to _try_ it?”

My mouth hung open. “What? No. You can’t lift me like that.”

Aidan rolled his eyes. “Pft, sure I can. You’re a small little thing.”

I continued to blink at him. There was no way he was serious.

“Come on.” He encouraged, stepping back from me and grabbing my hand. “We’ll try it first in the water, just like they did in the film.”

I tugged back on his grasp, tentative to follow him. “Aidan…I don’t think I can.”

He gripped my hand tighter and looked me square in the eyes. “Colette, have you or have you not imagined attempting this one day with someone?”

I blushed, knowing I couldn’t lie to him, and responded in a small voice. “I have.”

“Well then, this is your chance. We’ll be in the water. It won’t matter if you fall.” He tugged my hand gently again.

I pondered it for a moment and then took a breath, stepping towards him. “Oh, _alright_.” As much as I hated to admit it, I was giddy about the idea.

Aidan grinned and pulled his shirt from his head. He waded into the water in front of me and I watched his muscled shoulders and chiseled back as he walked from me. Any loss of strength he may have sustained during the drought was surely built back up now. Island life had been a blessing to our physiques. Maybe he _could_ lift me…

I unzipped my dress and pulled it from my shoulders, stripping down to just my bra and underwear, and then I waded in after him.

“Have you ever done this before?” I asked when I came to stand in front of him, waist deep in the water.

“Nope.” He grinned.

“That’s comforting.” I laughed nervously. “So, do you have any idea what you’re doing?”

He smirked. “I’ve done some smaller lifts during my dancing days, I understand the basics behind it, and I’ve seen the film of course.”

I took a deep breath, still unsure if this would be possible. It certainly didn’t look easy.

Aidan smiled reassuringly and placed his hands on my hips. “Ok, so I’m going to support you right here, and the difficult part for you will be keeping your balance once you’re up there.”

I nodded tentatively. _Once I was up there_. I felt like this was going to be a fail. But he was right, half of the battle would be holding myself steady once he lifted me.

“Ok…” Aidan began, looking at me directly. “On the count of three, you’ll jump, ok?”

I laughed, shaking my head. “I can’t believe we’re really doing this…”

“We’re really doing this.” Aidan smiled, but he was serious. “Ready?”

His eyes told me to trust him, and I knew I owed him that, after all we’d been through. I nodded and squatted slightly, preparing myself.

“One…two…three.”

I pushed off from the sandy floor of the ocean, propelling myself up and towards Aidan as I felt his hands grasp my hips tightly and lift me into the air, sending a splash of water all around us.

I felt his arms shake slightly under my hips as he hoisted me upwards, and my abs tensed, trying to keep my arms and legs extended.

I caught a brief glimpse of my surroundings. I was above the water and above Aidan. He’d actually done it. He’d lifted me completely above his head. But just as fast as I realized we’d succeeded, I lost my balance and dove into the water behind him.

I went completely underwater and then I felt Aidan’s hand grab mine as he pulled me back towards him. “You had it for a second there.” He was breathing a bit harder, but I saw a wide grin on his face. “Try it again?”

I wiped the wet hair from my face and laughed. “Yeah, wow, you really did it.”

“Aye, I told ya I could, didn’t I?” He smirked.

I bit my lip and stood in front of him again, ready to try for a second time. We both took deep breaths, preparing ourselves. Aidan counted again and then I jumped, and he hoisted me out of the water just like he’d done before. I felt the muscles in my torso burn as I held myself as steady as possible. This time, it lasted a few seconds longer, and the only reason I lost my balance was because I started to laugh out of pure shock that we’d actually done it.

We crashed down into the water again and then Aidan pulled me into his arms, laughing too. He kissed me affectionately. His wet curls dripped down his face as his amber eyes stared into mine. “I think you’re a natural.”

I grinned back at him.

“Want to try it up on the beach?” He asked

I licked my lips and looked towards the sand. “Are you sure?”

“Sure.” He replied. “You’ve proven that you can hold yourself up there…that is, if you don’t start giggling.” He laughed and pressed his thumb gently into my hip, where he knew I was ticklish, and I giggled again and squirmed in his grip.

I laughed, looking back at the beach. “I don’t want to hurt you.” I was concerned I’d knock him down if I couldn’t jump high enough.

“I’ll be fine.” Aidan smiled. “Let’s try it?” He tugged me gently in the direction of the shore and then paused and looked back at me. I knew he was eager for my agreement without having to force me.

I took a deep breath and studied his muscular physique. I trusted him. I had to learn how to keep trusting him. “Ok, let’s give it a try.”

We stepped up onto the shore and I wrung out my hair briefly before Aidan took my waist and positioned me to face him. His warm hands on my cool, bare skin caused my heartrate to increase slightly. I looked up into his eyes, which were playful and excited. I knew he probably didn’t care one bit about Dirty Dancing, but he was making this fantasy come true for me. It was incredibly sweet, and it certainly was a dream of mine, but he had to know that he’d made a thousand of my greater fantasies come true already just by being here with me.

“Ok, you stand right here.” He said confidently and watched my eyes carefully, sensing my worry. He placed his hand on my shoulder in a comforting manner. “I promise, I won’t drop you.”

I blinked nervously at him but I nodded, and then he backed up about twenty paces.

He staggered one foot slightly behind the other and positioned his hands out in front of him, prepared to catch me. “Ok, ready?”

“No.” I laughed, shaking my hands nervously in front of me.

Aidan smirked, still in position. “You can do it.”

I breathed deeply; not sure I could. It was one thing to jump into his arms in the water, but to run towards him and throw myself into the air above the sandy ground made me a bit nervous.

I looked across the beach at him. He stood with his hands extended and his eyes met mine. They were reassuring and confident, and he nodded his head slightly in encouragement. This moment was a microcosm of our relationship. He’d told me that I could trust him, and I had to make the conscious decision to do just that.

I bit my lip again and took one last breath before thrusting myself into the moment and starting to run towards him. In the few seconds before I reached him, I thought I might chicken out, but I gained a surge of confidence and jumped just in time when his hands met my hips and he lifted me easily into the air above him. I outstretched my arms and legs, briefly feeling free like a bird, high up in the air with the calm island around me and the soft breeze in my hair. I could almost hear the magical song that had played in the film.

Aidan’s hands were steady on my hips as he held me directly above his head, and I couldn’t believe we’d actually done it. I was impressed, with both him and with myself. Trusting him had paid off. But, succumbing to my giddy personality, I started to laugh again, and my balance wavered. Aidan sensed my fault and he quickly lowered me down to him as I fell. His arms wrapped around my back, but my loss of balance affected his a bit too, and we went tumbling gently to the ground, both of us bursting with laughter.

I fell down on top of him and laughed into his cheek. His low chuckle resounded in my ear and I grinned, pushing myself up onto my elbows and looking down into his entertained eyes. His body was firm and warm beneath mine and the entire length of our torsos touched, bare skin to bare skin. I swallowed, feeling myself succumb to a hunger that I’d been trying to suppress.

“You did it.” He grinned, running his hands up and down the curves of my waist gently.

“I think you did most of the work there.” I laughed, still feeling the playfulness of the moment, but quickly beginning to sense a desire within me that was fueled by Aidan’s display of physical strength and the closeness of our bodies.

“Thank you for trusting me.” His eyes searched deep into mine, expressing his gratitude.

I smiled and blinked slowly, acknowledging that I, too, saw that trusting him had resulted in a positive outcome. I knew he’d been trying to gain that from me for so long; to prove to me that I didn’t have to worry.

He reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. “So, did I help fulfill your greatest fantasy?”

I smirked at him. “Yes…” I paused. “But it wasn’t the lift that was my greatest fantasy…”

His hand lingered in my hair and his eyes met mine with an understanding. We exchanged an unspoken communication as I watched him realize what I was implying; that _he_ in fact, had been my greatest fantasy.

I saw his eyes darken as he recognized the desire in my gaze. His hand found the back of my neck and he pulled me down into him, kissing me with a deep and unyielding passion. I felt his bare chest beneath me as my fingers wound into the curls of his hair. As we kissed, his hands trailed down my back and to my upper thighs urgently, occasionally tracing between them and causing my breath to catch against his lips.

Aidan’s eyes opened and met mine. I saw that he was fully engulfed by his untamed desires. He spoke in a hoarse whisper. “I don’t think I can resist you any longer.”

I breathed hard, watching him with a burning passion of my own. “I know…”

His gaze was intense as he searched me for signs of stopping him, but I did not. Instead, I pushed myself up onto my knees and straddled him, kissing his lips deeply and amorously.

“I don’t want you to resist.” I whispered against his mouth, and then traced my tongue seductively over his lower lip. I heard him groan softly as his hands grabbed my hips and pulled me down closer to him.

His strength had always been something that sent tingles to deep places inside of me, but now, seeing that he’d been able to lift me completely over his head like he’d done, and feeling him holding me against him in this state, I was bursting with an unrestrained hunger and a need to feel all of him again, connected with all of me.

He wasted no time. His fingers feverishly found the clasp of my bra and then the edge of my underwear, stripping them both off of me quickly and pulling his shorts off as well, and then he wrapped his arms around me and turned me over onto my back as he rolled on top of me.

His hands and his lips were everywhere all at once and I had not the slightest wish to stop him. I needed him with a deprived yearning that was both desperate and unrestrained.

There wasn’t even time to debate the moment as we both breathed heavily and erratically. Since we’d done it once before, this time it was much harder to stop. I ran my hands down his chest and then back up to his arms, wanting to touch every inch of him. He kissed his way across my collarbone, sending shivers all the way to my toes and then his lips found mine again with an insistency.

Just before I just about lost my mind with need, I felt him there again, just like he’d been before. I closed my eyes and let out a soft sigh, allowing the feeling to wash over me.

He showed less hesitation this time and I saw an urgent and animalistic side of him present itself. When I opened my eyes, he was gazing down at me and he interlaced his fingers tightly with mine. We held a breathless eye contact for a moment before he squeezed his eyes shut and leaned into me, leaving wet kisses down my neck while moving feverishly against me.

My body felt like the ocean waves, crashing and falling, sending me closer to the edge and surging larger each time. Aidan’s breathing became more erratic and his teeth found the soft skin on my neck as he lost himself to his desires. My fingers dug into his back, holding him to me; wanting to keep him close to me in this moment and in all of the moments of our uncertain future.

I felt him tense and shift just as I reached the edge myself, and a tingling euphoria traveled to every nerve in my body as I heard his low and unrestrained growl in my ear. I lost control of both my breathing and the sounds that came from my lips as we rode the waves of pleasure together.

As we both caught our breath, Aidan collapsed into the sand next to me and I stared up at the stars that had appeared in the softly lit sky. I rolled over into him and ran my fingers through his hair, clearing it from his forehead. His eyes were closed as he came down from his high as well.

I smiled and kissed him on the cheek. He’d once again practiced caution and restraint, making sure to retreat in time to avoid the higher risk that neither of us wanted to face. I had to give him credit for that. I could tell that, tonight, he’d lost himself in the moment more so than before and I was sure the task hadn’t been easy for him.

He opened his eyes and looked up into mine as I perched myself on my elbow next to him. He didn’t speak, but a warm smile formed on his face and he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer to him. I laid my head on his shoulder and traced my fingers through the curls on his rising and falling chest.

We didn’t need words. We had peace and understanding in the afterglow of our deliberate choice tonight. It would mean a few more weeks of anxiousness, most likely followed by a breath of relief. But more importantly, it meant that we’d been able to give flight to the passions and the cravings of our hearts, and there was something tender and comforting about living in the moment and experiencing such a satisfying sweetness together.

Slowly, the sun set on an evening of shared love, untamed passion, and countless fantasies come true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I listened to the Dirty Dancing soundtrack almost exclusively while writing this chapter 😆
> 
> Also, I bounce ideas off my husband as I write this story and his response to this chapter was, "Hmm, I think I need to make that my goal for us to accomplish that lift one day." 😂🤣❤️ Guess I need to get working on my core strength too! 😂


	29. Horizon

A calm breeze blew across the soft waves that billowed up along the shore. The peaceful sound of the ocean was all that filled my ears as I stared sleepily at Aidan’s hand in mine. He traced his outstretched fingers across mine and the light of the early morning sun flickered in the spots between them as we laid quietly on the beach, enjoying the sunrise.

It had been just over two weeks since he’d lifted me up into the air like Johnny had done with Baby after they’d danced their final dance. I remembered the feeling of freedom it had created as I soared high above him. And then I remembered the passion that had ensued as soon as he’d brought me back down to Earth. I’d wanted that moment to last forever, knowing those moments were few and far between while we had to practice such caution.

Since that night, our restraint had returned, and we’d gained control of our passion again. I’d awoken each morning during these last few weeks anxious to feel a wave of nausea or some other terrifying symptom, but nothing had happened to alarm me. I felt exactly the same, and even though I was still waiting for the proof, I was beginning to realize that our carefulness had likely been successful again.

We frequently came out to the beach in the mornings to watch the ever-unique colors of the sunrise. No two were alike, and we loved to experience their differences. Usually, we sat and watched at the edge of the water, but this morning, we were both tired and so we laid down on the softer sand. I rested my head on his shoulder and intertwined my small fingers with his large ones.

It was moments like this one that I wished would never end. We had food and water, we had our health, and most importantly, we had each other. I loved Aidan for all that he was; for his playful, cheeky spontaneity, for his motivated and protective nature, for his compassion and for his unyielding affection and care for me. I wondered what I’d done to afford such a wonderful man in my life.

I let out a small sigh of happiness.

“What’s on your mind, love?” Aidan whispered softly, touching his lips to my hair.

I grinned and tilted my head to look up into his eyes. “You.”

The corners of his mouth turned up into a smile. “What about me has got you sighing like that?”

“I’m just happy to be here with you, in this moment. I don’t want it to end.” I replied quietly.

He wrapped his arms around me tightly. “Well, we’re all alone on this island. We have all the time in the world to lay just like this.”

I kissed the edge of his beard and then buried my head in his warm neck.

Aidan’s fingers traced my spine gently. “It’s bizarre. I feel like I’ve known you for years, not months.”

I grinned into the soft skin of his neck and kissed him gently. “I know exactly what you mean.”

Aidan continued. “It’s like, time passes more slowly here, but not in a bad way. I love how slow it feels. It’s like I’ve gotten to know you on such a deeper level, without any distractions.”

I tilted my head back to look at him, understanding his feelings completely, because they mirrored mine exactly. “Sometimes, I wonder where I’d be if that plane had never gone down…”

Aidan’s eyes crinkled and I instantly knew something amusing had crossed his mind. “You’d probably be watching Poldark.” He smirked as the words left his mouth. He was proud of his little joke.

I grinned and rolled my eyes, but kissed his shoulder gently. “You’re probably right.”

“I can tell you this about me: I’d be a lot less happy than I am now.” He sighed. “I was heading for exhaustion; completely wearing myself thin. This life is much better suited for me, I’m finding.”

I studied his face, watching him come to the realizations slowly about the direction he wanted to take his life. “I love you…” I leaned in and kissed his lips. “And I love us…” I laced my fingers through his. “And I love this place.” I looked around at the peaceful beach that surrounded us.

When I looked back at Aidan, his caramel eyes were gazing affectionately into mine. “I love you very much, Colette.”

I laid my head on his chest and closed my eyes. I could hear his heart beating under my ear, and I relaxed into its rhythm and the comfort that it represented in my life. The fact that I felt so comfortable in such an unpredictable place, said everything about our relationship and how close we’d grown. He was mine, and I was his, and nothing here on this tiny island was going to change that.

I sensed Aidan turn his head to look out at the rising sun on the horizon, and I opened my eyes to admire it as well. His chest rose and fell evenly under my head and we took in the view together.

I scanned the edge of the horizon, where the sea met the sky, and watched the brilliant colors contrast where they touched. I breathed deeply and began to close my eyes again, but I caught sight of something on the horizon that wasn’t usually there.

Aidan’s chest suddenly stopped rising and I knew he saw it too. In the far distance, barely lit by the rising sun, a small white sailboat moved slowly across the calm waters.

Neither of us made a sound for what felt like minutes, but I knew was merely seconds. I watched the tiny boat and the wake it left in its path, barely believing what I was seeing, and almost afraid to.

“Oh my God.” Aidan finally whispered, and he grabbed my arms gently, pulling me up with him into a sitting position and never taking his eyes off the boat. We were perfectly still for another few seconds; neither of us were sure how to react.

“The fire…” I whispered breathlessly as my mind started to comprehend the situation.

All at once, Aidan jumped to his feet and spun around in a circle, trying to figure out what to do first. His face held a panic as he pointed towards a stack of old dried-out palm fronds near our shelter. “Quick, help me light these. I think it’s dark enough still that we can signal to them.

My heart was beating out of my chest and adrenaline coursed through my veins as I watched him spring to action.

For just a split second, and almost too quick for me to even register the emotion, I wondered what would happen if we just ignored the boat and stayed on our happy, carefree island alone together. But the fleeting thought was gone before I knew it and I scrambled to my feet and picked up a large bunch of palm fronds and held the ends to the fire. They caught quickly, as did the bunch that Aidan grasped, and we both ran out to the water’s edge and waved them wildly in the air.

“They’ve got to see us.” Aidan breathed heavily, squinting out at the boat.

In the dim light of the early morning, the flames that we raised into the air shined brightly, and I realized that he might be right.

“Come on…come on…” Aidan growled in almost a whisper towards the boat. He waved the long leaves back and forth above his head.

It was a tense few moments, watching and waiting to see if the boat changed course; the course of its own journey and also of ours.

I saw the tiny sail catch the wind as the boat slid across the water, and then the it began to change direction. Someone was adjusting the ropes and the boat began to bank towards us.

My heart stopped.

“They’ve seen us…” Aidan whispered beside me.

I took a deep breath and held the leaves steady over my head as I watched the boat approach slowly.

“They’ve seen us, Colette….”

I turned my head to look up at him. He was watching the boat at first, but then his eyes met mine. And in that moment, we exchanged an unspoken realization that this was it. This was the turning point. From this moment on, everything would change. Everything we knew about our life together and our relationship with each other was now subject to a new set of challenges and a new reality.

I swallowed nervously and then Aidan took a step towards me. He extended his hand slowly and took mine in his. I never broke eye contact as our fingers interlocked. It was a small act on his part, but it was his way of telling me that we were still in this together, no matter what happened next.

I looked back out at the water and saw the boat approaching even closer. I could just barely make out two figures standing on its deck, staring directly at us. Aidan and I stood, hand in hand, silently watching it advance.

This was it. I couldn’t believe it. Our journey here was complete. So many times, I’d felt as though we’d be here forever. I’d frequently lost hope of any chance of rescue and I’d learned to live with that. Now, I was forced to shift my mind to a new reality. A reality where Aidan and I went home.

As the boat grew closer, I realized that it was quite a bit larger than it had seemed on the horizon. It looked to have full living quarters below deck and a large seating area above. Two men stood at the bow with their hands on the railing, staring at us intently.

Aidan continued to wave his branch until one of the men lowered a smaller boat from the side of the large sailboat and climbed down into it.

I could barely breathe as I watched him start the small engine and make his way towards shore. Aidan and I threw our branches into the water and the fires sizzled out. He wrapped his arm around my waist protectively as the man approached in his boat. My fingers found the back of his shirt and I gripped it tightly; nervously.

It was only then that I realized we had no idea who this man was or if he posed a potential threat. But I looked closely and the man appeared clean-cut, in a white t-shirt and slacks, with shiny sunglasses and well combed, greying hair.

When he was within earshot, he called out to us. “You look like you might need some help?” His voice was filled with a thick Australian accent.

I hadn’t heard a voice other than Aidan’s in three and a half months, and I felt a lump in my throat, understanding that this was all very real.

Aidan held me tightly around my waist and his voice was deep and loud as he called back to the man. “Yes. We’re survivors of a plane crash. We’ve been stranded here for three and a half months.”

The man squinted at us, as if he didn’t comprehend what Aidan had said. I looked past him at the sailboat. The other man was still at the railing watching us closely.

As the first man powered his boat up to the shore, Aidan spoke up again. “We were on a flight from LA to Auckland. The engines failed. It went down. We drifted here.”

The man slowly stood up in his boat and a look of realization crossed his face. “Flight NZ19?”

Aidan blinked and looked at me to see if I had a response, but I shrugged my shoulders. I couldn’t remember what our flight number had been. 

The man stepped out of his boat and onto the shore and looked closely at us, most likely taking in with his eyes the sad state of clothing we were wearing and the deep tans that graced our skin from so much sun exposure.

“Flight NZ19 that went down back in October?” He repeated, and his eyes started to widen.

Aidan spoke up again, and I was glad he did because my throat was so dry that I couldn’t manage it. “Yes, October. We were the only survivors as far as we could tell.”

The man brought his hand to his mouth. “My God…” He looked around the island and towards our shelter and our fire in the distance. “You’ve been here all alone this whole time?”

Aidan nodded.

The man continued to stare at us in awe, clearly amazed that we’d made it this long, and then he took a deep breath and looked confidently towards Aidan and I. “Well, it was a good thing you had the fire to flag me down. No one barely comes near this island anymore. There’s not much here…”

Aidan and I knew that all too well.

“Where is ‘here,’ exactly?” Aidan asked.

“French Polynesia, King George Islands. Tikei island specifically. You’re about 73 kilometers, or about six hours with a strong wind from the nearest inhabited island, Takaroa.” The man replied.

I gasped internally. We really _were_ in the middle of nowhere.

“Takaroa is actually where we’re headed.” He gestured to the man back on the sailboat. “My brother and I. We’d be glad to take you there. Not sure what they’ll do with you from that point though. I don’t know what kind of protocol this requires.” His eyes traveled from Aidan’s face to mine. “We have lots of food and water back on the boat. I’m sure you could use it.”

Aidan extended his hand to the man. “Thank you, Sir.”

The man grasped Aidan’s hand in a strong handshake. “Absolutely. I’m glad we came out this way. Might have been another few months had we not.” He continued to grip Aidan’s hand. “Name’s Harrison Lee.”

“Aidan Turner.” Aidan responded confidently, and I was surprised that my stomach fluttered slightly, hearing him say his full name out loud, making it all feel real again.

Harrison turned and extended his hand to me and I placed mine in his. “Colette Matthews.” I smiled nervously.

“Pleased to meet you both.” Harrison replied, and then he looked back at Aidan and furrowed his brow. “I remember hearing that an actor had been on board. You look familiar. Was that you?”

Aidan nodded.

“Wow, this is going to be huge. The whole world’s been pretty torn up about this. Your plane just disappeared into thin air. But then they found the wreckage. They didn’t think there were any survivors.” Harrison breathed and then gestured to the boat. “Come on, let’s get you two home.”

I looked out into the vast waters and grasped Aidan’s shirt even tighter. He sensed my tension and turned towards Harrison. “Would you mind…giving us a few minutes…to collect our belongings?”

Harrison extended his arm. “Of course, take your time.” He took a respectful step backwards towards his small boat.

Aidan took my hand in his again and turned us towards our shelter. He looked over his shoulder at Harrison. “We’ll just be a moment. Thank you.”

Harrison nodded as he stood next to his boat.

My body felt numb as I walked with Aidan towards our campsite. His hand was warm, and gripped mine encouragingly, but I looked blankly around at our surroundings, and the memories flooded back; the basket of coconuts we’d eaten from every morning, the large rock where Aidan had taken me on our first “date,” the spears we’d used to catch so many of our meals, the cave where we’d expressed so much of our love…

Aidan was silent as he dropped my hand and leaned down to pull the lifeboat full of water towards the fire. He lifted the edge and flipped it over, sending the remaining water onto the flames and extinguishing them completely.

As the wet wood smoked and steamed immensely, we both stared at it for a moment. It felt so odd to be dumping our water supply and dousing our vital cooking source. But we didn’t need them anymore. There was a boat full of fresh drinking water and food just a hundred yards away, and we’d been welcomed upon it.

Aidan stepped into our shelter and I followed him quietly. He bent down and began picking up his clothes and his belongings and placing them into his leather bag. I didn’t move for a moment. I just stood and watched him pack.

When he sensed that I was remaining still, he turned around to look at me. I stared down into his eyes with a remorse I couldn’t hide from my face.

His expression softened and he rose to stand in front of me. He took my hands in his and looked carefully into my eyes. We were quiet for another moment, understanding together the enormity of the situation we were presented with. And then as if knowing I needed the comfort, he pulled me into his chest and wrapped his arms around me.

I squeezed my eyes shut and buried my face in this shirt. I was speechless. I didn’t have any words to describe how I was feeling.

Aidan leaned back and his kind eyes met mine. He placed his hands on my shoulders. “We did it, Colette. We’re going home now, to see our families and our friends, and we’re not in danger anymore. We were strong, and we made it through this. We’re going home _together_.” He put an emphasis on the last word.

I thought about my parents and my sister, and I thought about Lainey and how they would all feel when they found out I was alive. I looked up into Aidan’s eyes and I smiled slightly, feeling a small surge of joy at the realization.

He squeezed my shoulders gently and then turned back around to continue packing his bag. I knelt down next to mine and began to place my clothes and remaining toiletries inside in a methodical manner. It felt strange, packing clothing and items to bring home that really didn’t matter. We were going back to a place where we’d have an unlimited supply to all of these things. They wouldn’t hold the same value there as they did here. But then I looked to my left and saw the small wooden heart that Aidan had carved for me so many weeks ago. I picked it up gently and ran my fingers over the smooth wood. This small piece of our island held more meaning to me than anything else. I gently wrapped it in my yellow dress and placed it carefully in my bag and then I zipped it and stood up.

Aidan slung his bag over his shoulder and then took my suitcase in his hand. He turned to me. “Ready?”

I took a deep breath and nodded. “Let’s go home.”

He leaned in and placed a soft kiss on my lips and then pushed the door open and we stepped out onto the beach.

I looked around at our campsite one last time, burning the image into my memory, wanting to remember all of the details. So much had happened here.

Aidan squeezed my hand gently and I squeezed his back in return. After a morning of basking in our contentedness on this island alone, we were now thrust into a new reality, and we both stepped forward towards our rescuer and his boat, ready to face whatever lied ahead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel a bit like Colette, so comfortable with the island, and writing their relationship there. This next stage will be new and exciting for me, trying to figure out how to navigate them in the real world. But it is also scary! 😬 Here goes nothing!
> 
> Also, Tikei is a real island. Look it up! Here is a small description I found, and some actual photos:
> 
> "It is an oval coral island of 3.9 km in length and 1.6 km in width maximum, with an area of 4 km².  
> The island is inhabited temporarily, only a few months a year by residents of neighboring atolls for the copra harvest. It is also visited occasionally by tourists in search of a desert island.  
> The atoll, very wooded, is exploited for its coconut palms and copra seasonally. Tikei does not have a lagoon, but a few large pools of standing water, and does not have the usual characteristics of atolls with an inland lagoon.  
> Tikei is a nesting island for many species of birds."
> 
> ❤️❤️❤️


	30. Sail

Aidan helped me lift my suitcase into the small boat at the edge of the water, which was now faced back out towards the open ocean. He held my hand as I stepped carefully inside and then Harrison pulled the cord on the engine and it quickly purred to life.

I sat down on the small plastic bench and continued to hold Aidan’s hand, scooting closer to him. I looked back at the island behind us and took a deep breath as the boat began to move. My heart ached as I realized that I missed it already, even though I had just barely stepped from its sand. How could a place like this have begun to feel so much like home? A part of me longed for the peaceful island, and wanted to stay, but Aidan squeezed my hand gently and I managed to tear my eyes from it.

Harrison was still a bit wide-eyed and he looked us up and down again as we made our way to the sailboat. “Are either of you hurt? I have a first aid kit on board too.”

“Not currently.” Aidan said quietly, and I could sense the irritated tone in his voice. We could have really used a first aid kit last month.

We pulled up next to the large white sailboat and the man onboard dropped a substantial rope ladder down the side to reach our boat. We handed our bags up to him and then Aidan held the ladder steady so that I could climb up first.

The man up on the deck took my hand and helped me step up to the top. He looked a lot like Harrison, but maybe a few years younger. He wore pale blue shorts and a navy blue polo shirt; clearly sailor’s clothes.

“This is Jimmy.” Harrison said from behind me as he and Aidan stepped up on deck too. “My brother.” He gestured towards the two of us. “Jimmy, they’re survivors of flight NZ19.”

“What?” Jimmy’s eyes widened as he stared at the both of us.

I was beginning to feel like some sort of circus attraction.

“I know, crazy, right? They’ve been out here for over three months, all alone.” Harrison replied, stepping around us and drawing up the rope ladder.

Aidan extended his hand to Jimmy and introduced himself. “Aidan Turner. Thank you for stopping for us, mate.”

Jimmy shook his hand and then his brow furrowed slightly. “Aidan Turner…you were the actor on the plane, right?”

Aidan nodded slowly.

I was beginning to catch a glimpse of his life and how much he was in the spotlight. I was sure Aidan’s name headlined all of the news stories about the crash and I could almost feel the guilt falling on Aidan’s shoulders as he realized that _he’d_ been the center of attention and not the poor souls who had actually died.

Jimmy turned to me and I smiled lightly as I shook his hand. “Colette Matthews.” I said quietly. I almost felt silly thinking that he cared about my name. Unlike Aidan, I was just one of the simple nobodies that had been on the plane, probably lost in the long list of passengers.

“We almost didn’t take this route this morning, but we decided to veer off-course and catch a glimpse of the island on our way by.” Jimmy explained.

“We’re very glad you did.” I replied in a small voice.

“Come, come.” Harrison gestured for us to follow him to a seating area at the middle of the boat. “Let me get you both something to eat and drink.” He disappeared behind a door and down into the lower half of the boat.

Aidan and I sat down on the soft vinyl cushions. I felt very out of place on this large boat under these strange circumstances. The table in front of us was a deep mahogany and all of the fixtures on the boat were shiny and silver, perfectly polished, along with intricate wooden accents in some places. These men were clearly very rich, and very much into their boating.

“Did anyone else survive?” Jimmy asked, leaning against the railing and crossing his arms.

“Not that we know of.” Aidan replied. “But you tell me. They found the wreckage, right?”

“They did.” Jimmy replied. “No one was found alive.”

“Did they find all of the bodies?” I asked.

“Most of them.” He answered. “I believe there were around twelve unaccounted for. Assumed to have burned.”

I shivered. My parents thought I had burned to death.

Harrison reappeared with an armful of water bottles and various packaged foods. He set them on the table in front of us. I studied them with wide eyes. Perfectly fresh and clear water, granola bars, crackers…all laid out in front of us and so easily accessible. I had forgotten what it was like to have such amenities.

Harrison spoke up again. “I hope these will tide you over for a bit. We have chicken thawing for lunch though. That’ll be ready in a few hours.”

Aidan picked up a bottle of water and handed it to me before turning back to Harrison. “This is wonderful. We’re very grateful.”

The bottle was cool against my fingers as I unscrewed the top. I brought it to my lips and let the chilled liquid run into my mouth, crisp, clean, and tasteless. I sucked down almost the entire contents in one long gulp, and when I set it back down on the table briefly, I saw that Aidan had done the same.

I closed my eyes and brought it to my lips again, finishing the rest. When I looked up at Harrison and Jimmy, they were watching us with expressions of concern. I didn’t blame them. We must have looked incredibly disheveled and worn out.

“Jimmy.” Harrison spoke and pointed towards the sails. “Let’s get ‘er going, full speed.” He turned back to us. “I’d offer you showers, but our fresh bathing water is depleted since we’re headed back from our trip. We were going to fill up on Takaroa.”

Aidan waved his had dismissively. “Please, do not worry. You’ve done plenty for us already. We owe you our lives.”

Harrison nodded and sat down across the table from us.

I eyed a red package of cheese crackers and picked it up and tore it open slowly in my hands. The smell of processed food wafted up into my face and I almost scrunched my nose. There was something unsettling about it. Most likely because we’d been eating so cleanly for these last few months. But I reached in and popped one of the crackers into my mouth. It was salty and crunchy, and my mouth watered in response.

Aidan took a granola bar and turned to me. “Make sure you don’t eat too fast. We’ll make ourselves sick.”

I nodded my head and popped another cracker into my mouth slowly, but wishing I could shove them all in at once.

“What did you eat out there?” Harrison asked, watching us.

“Coconuts.” Aidan replied as he took a bite of his bar. “Fish, seaweed, birds, eggs.”

Harrison sat forward and rested his elbows on the table, clearly enthralled to hear our story. “How did you hunt and fish?”

“I made a bow and arrow using a shark’s tooth, and I also made a spear. Took us a few weeks to get them right.” He sighed.

“Well, you were on the right island for coconuts, that’s for sure.” Harrison replied. “Tikei is known for them. They’re harvested once a year. You just happened to miss those months when there are temporary inhabitants.”

I swallowed a cracker and looked at Aidan, realizing if the plane had gone down during another part of the year, we may have been rescued immediately. What would have become of our relationship in that scenario? I didn’t like to think about it.

I turned around and looked back out at the water and our island behind the boat. It was growing smaller and smaller in the distance and I felt my heart begin to ache with sorrow. It really had felt like home…

Harrison turned to me. “You sound…American…right?”

I pulled my eyes away from the island and focused on him. “Yes, I live in LA.”

He turned to Aidan, who was watching me watch the island. I saw the sympathy in his eyes. Harrison furrowed his brow. “And you’re…” He paused. “Irish?”

Aidan nodded. “Yes, Sir.”

Harrison pursed his lips. “Were you sitting near each other on the plane? How did just the two of you survive?”

“Not at all.” I replied. “He was in first class. I was towards the back. It seems to have been some sort of fate that just the two of us survived.”

Aidan set down his empty granola bar wrapper. “How long was the search? Did they assume everyone had perished when they found the wreckage?”

Harrison took a deep breath. “Well, they found the wreckage about forty-eight hours after last contact. I believed they continued to search for survivors for a few weeks after that. But don’t quote me.” He leaned back and held his hands in the air. “You’ll have to talk to the officials about the details.” He then clasped his hands together. “What I do know is that Flight NZ19 has been plastered all over the media for the last few months. Both engines malfunctioning? Air New Zealand is not in good standing right now…”

Aidan took a deep breath, opening another water bottle and taking a long swig.

“So, you two hadn’t met before all this?” Harrison asked.

I shook my head. “Nope.”

Harrison chuckled softly. “Well, what a way to be forced to get along, stuck alone out there together. You must know each other well now.”

I swallowed nervously and looked down at my bag of crackers.

But Aidan spoke up next to me. “We’ve become quite close, yes.” He gently placed his hand on my knee under the table.

Jimmy stepped back onto our deck and stood next to Harrison. “We’re about six and a half hours from landfall. We’ll be close enough to notify authorities that we’re coming in about three.”

Harrison thanked Jimmy, who then disappeared again. Harrison turned to us. “We’ll get you there as quick as we can. Is there anything else you need right now? You’re welcome to anything we have.”

“The food and water are perfect.” Aidan replied, taking a bag of crackers for himself.

“Very well.” Harrison said, standing up. “I’ve gotta check the sails. If you need the loo, it’s just down the steps on the right.”

“Thank you.” Aidan said.

Harrison walked towards the back of the boat, out of sight, and I turned to Aidan. “So, what now?” My voice was quiet.

Aidan took another drink. “We ride on this strange boat with these strange men until we get to another strange island and figure out how to deal with foreign law enforcement.”

I thought about that. “Man, we’ve literally been living on foreign land for months without permission. Do you think that’ll be an issue?”

“There’s no way it could be. We didn’t have any other options.” Aidan replied with a calm that I couldn’t muster up myself. But then his face turned serious. “I’m just wondering where they are going to choose to send each of us and how quickly.”

My heart dropped. Would they send us each back to our own countries? “You mean, you Ireland, and me the US?”

Aidan looked at me with sad eyes. “I don’t know. Possibly.”

I dropped my eyes to my lap and saw his hand still on my knee. I placed mine over his softly.

“It’s crazy.” He spoke up again. “Our families are probably mere hours away from finding out that we’re alive.

I blinked slowly and thought about my parents receiving the call to tell them that their daughter was alive. I imagined the look on my mother’s face, and then I felt a knot form in my throat. I swallowed, trying to suppress it. “I’m nervous.” I said quietly, gripping Aidan’s hand.

He leaned over and placed a kiss on the side of my forehead. “It’s all going to be ok. We’re safe now… I’m so glad you’re safe.” He touched his lips to my skin once more and then wrapped his arm around my back and pulled me into the crook of his arm.

We watched the waves fly by as the large boat carried us smoothly towards a new destination. Neither of us knew what to expect, and there was a strange emotion that loomed in the air between us. All we had in this moment was each other, and we clung to that fact as we waited for the uncertainties that lied ahead.

Eventually, Harrison returned, and when he sat down, I saw him notice that Aidan’s arm was around me. He cleared his throat but didn’t say anything right away.

Aidan spoke up. “What kind of island is…Takaroa…you said? What should we expect when we get there?”

Harrison leaned back in his seat and adjusted the glasses on his face. “Well, Takaroa is quite small. The population is around 600 I believe. But they do have an airstrip. If I were a betting man, I’d say they’ll fly you over to Tahiti and then figure out what to do with you from there.”

Aidan nodded in understanding.

Jimmy reappeared and sat down. He studied us for a moment. “So, were the two of you hurt after the crash? How did you manage to keep yourselves alive?”

We sat and talked with Harrison and Jimmy for what felt like hours, telling them how we’d learned to fish, the injuries we’d sustained, the rotten coconut that had made me sick, and the drought that almost killed us both. They told us about their lives as recreational sailors and then continued to ask us countless questions about our adventure. We answered them and they listened intently. It felt strange to be talking about our experiences as events of the past. We were done with them now. We were moving on to a new chapter.

After a while, I felt the multiple bottles of water going right to my bladder, so I excused myself from the table to find the bathroom. I tiptoed down the polished wooden steps and pushed open the first door on the right. My eyes were greeted by an immaculate, but small room, with just enough space for a toilet, standing shower, and a sink. I quickly did my business and then stood in front of the sink to wash my hands.

Looking up into the mirror, I studied my reflection. I’d caught glimpses of myself in the small compact mirror I’d had with me on the island, but this was the first time I’d seen myself in full. I touched my cheeks. They were a bit more sunken than the last time I’d seen them. But surprisingly, I didn’t look tired. My eyes looked brighter and my skin looked healthy, albeit much, much tanner. We’d certainly been thriving for the last few weeks, and I think my body thanked me for that.

My eyes moved down to my bare arms and I saw that they were more defined than they’d once been. Of all of the work-out routines I could have attempted, none would have given me the results akin to being stranded on an island and fighting for my survival.  
  
I dried my hands and took a deep breath, studying myself again. I couldn’t believe that I was looking back at the person Aidan had fallen in love with. It was me. And now, I had no idea where our future would take us. I didn’t know Aidan in the real world, and he didn’t know me. I’d dreaded this inevitable stage of our relationship. While I always accepted the possibility that we might remain on the island forever, deep down inside, I knew that one day we would be rescued. It was 2017. There wasn’t much of the world left untouched, and I knew that someone would find us eventually.

And then, hardly believing she hadn’t crossed my mind yet, I thought of Jane.

Jane.

How would she respond, finding out that Aidan was alive? How would he respond, seeing her again after all these months? I felt a wave of anxiousness flood over me and I braced myself on the sink and breathed deeply. How could I face her, knowing full well that I was the “other woman,” and that I still went ahead with him anyway? I wasn’t the type to knowingly break up relationships. I hated conflict and I hated the thought of anyone being angry with me. Jane was surely going to be _furious_.

I thought about the peaceful sunrise Aidan and I had experienced this morning, wrapped in each other’s arms, calm and content on our little island. So much had changed since then, in just these last few hours.

Realizing that my only option was to ride out the journey, wherever it led us, I took a deep breath and ran my fingers through my disheveled hair and then pushed open the door. I climbed the steps back up to the deck and saw that Harrison and Jimmy were gone, but Aidan was standing at the railing of the boat, looking out across the waves.

I walked up next to him and leaned into the railing as well, touching my arm to his. He turned his head to look at me and his hair blew wildly in the wind. “Hope you’re hungry. They’re making lunch.” He said, referring to Jimmy and Harrison.

I smiled and looked out at the water. “It’s a strange feeling, isn’t it? Leaving that place.”

Aidan was quiet for a moment beside me before he spoke. “It is. It was a beautiful place.” He turned his head to me again. “But most of its beauty came from you…and I get to take you with me.”

I looked up at him and saw that he was grinning warmly at me. I grabbed his shirt and pulled him towards me, leaning my head onto his chest. His hands found my back and trailed up and down gently.

He rested his chin on my head. “I’m eager for you to be part of my life, Colette.”

I took a deep breath, feeling his heartbeat under my forehead. “I don’t know how to be part of your life…I’m nervous.”

He ran his fingers through my hair. “Don’t be nervous. We’ll figure this out together.” He took my shoulders and pushed me away from him slightly so that he could look into my eyes. “I’m eager to be part of your life too.”

I gazed into his sincere eyes for a moment. I didn’t have words to respond. He was so sweet and so kind, and I hoped that I could provide to him, a part of my life that was beneficial in his. I stepped up onto my toes and kissed him gently. It was a tender, bittersweet kiss, filled with new emotions that we hadn’t experienced together yet. When I pulled away, he was smiling lovingly at me, and I smiled back. We were still very much together in this journey. He’d given me countless reasons to trust him up until now, and I made a deliberate choice in that moment to continue to do so.


	31. Change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got a bit out of control, length-wise, but it didn't feel right to be split up into two. So, enjoy this extra extra long chapter! 😁

“In about ten minutes, you should be able to see Takaroa, just there.” Harrison pointed across the vast waters ahead of the boat.

I breathed deeply. Six hours on a boat with two enthusiastic and curious strangers was a bit exhausting. It was a lot of stimulation after months of peaceful breezes and quiet ocean waves. Harrison and Jimmy were extremely kind and generous, but they loved to chat, probably more so than they realized, and I was growing worn-out from the conversation.

They left Aidan and I alone a handful of times, but for the majority of the day, they sat with us and inquired about our adventures and our tales of survival. In addition, now we knew their whole life story, from their early days as young sailors with their father, to their now almost permanent life on the water. They’d lived wonderfully unique lives, and in any other situation, I’d have loved to hear about it all, but right now, I just wanted to sit quietly with Aidan until we could reunite with our family and friends.

I could tell Aidan was tired too, as his responses to their inquisitions became shorter as the hours dragged on, and he spent more time staring out at the waters than focusing directly on them.

Lunch had been a welcome experience though; grilled chicken, potatoes and broccoli. I had quickly become full after just a few bites, but it was an appreciated change from practically the same four or five foods we’d eaten for the last three and a half months.

When we’d been about two hours away from Takaroa, Harrison had been able to contact authorities there, letting them know that we’d been found. They’d informed him that they’d spoken with officials in Tahiti and that a small plane had been sent to pick us up and transport us there, after which, we’d speak with someone from the US Consulate on Tahiti – there wasn’t an Irish Consulate on the island – and then they’d figure out how to get us home. Luckily, we both still had our passports, so that would be a big help as we would travel from place to place.

Our families hadn’t been contacted yet. Authorities wanted to verify our identities before giving out such sensitive news. I appreciated their carefulness, but I was eager for my parents to know that I was alive.

I squinted into the horizon and began to see a line of green trees on the edge of the sea. I took a deep breath, preparing for the inevitable whirlwind of emotions and experiences that would ensue next.

Harrison and Jimmy began making preparations to dock, while Aidan and I watched the island come into view. I scooted closer to him on the soft bench and placed my hand on his leg. I rubbed my thumb gently, back and forth, and he responded by resting his hand on top of mine and smiling softly at me. I was actually glad to hear that there wasn’t an Irish Consulate on Tahiti. I’d been afraid they were going to separate us immediately, but if the US was going to take care of him for this portion of our trip, I knew that we’d at least be kept together for a little while longer. The thought of having to say goodbye to Aidan for even a small amount of time scared me. It felt like he was a part of me at this point; an appendage that I needed and couldn’t function without. He moved, I moved. We’d learned to exist so successfully as a team for so long, that being apart would feel empty and wrong. I studied his profile as he watched the island, deep in thought. I hoped he felt the same as I did.

As we pulled up to the dock, I saw that the island of Takaroa was extremely rural and underdeveloped. The small houses and buildings that dotted the coastline were old and distressed, and the few vehicles that were parked nearby were old beat up trucks and cars way past their prime.

Three men stood at the dock, watching us arrive. Two of them looked like locals, in t-shirts and shorts, and the other was dressed in a pair of grey slacks and a white dress shirt.

Harrison anchored the boat to the dock and stepped off to greet the men. Aidan squinted at the man in the dress shirt. “He looks official.”

I nodded. “Yep, here we go.” I took another large breath.

We both stood up and walked to the edge of the boat, stepping off onto the dock to greet the men. The two locals remained still, but the official looking one stepped forward to great us.

“Ms. Matthews, Mr. Turner, my name is Sam Bradford, US Consular Agent, French Polynesia. It is my absolute pleasure to welcome you back.” His familiar American accent was comforting to me in a way I wasn’t expecting.

Aidan and I each shook his hand and thanked him. Jimmy and Harrison brought our bags from their boat and placed them on the ground next to us.

“First of all, can we offer you any food or water?” Sam asked.

“No, thank you, we’ve been quite taken care of by these mates.” Aidan replied, placing his hand on Harrison’s shoulder gratefully.

“Excellent.” Sam responded in a very professional manner. “Well then, here is what’s going to happen.”

I stood next to Aidan, my arm pressed into his, not wanting to be separated even an inch from him.

Sam placed his hands in his pockets, becoming a bit more casual. “I’ve been told you have your passports. I’d like to see those first, just for legal purposes, and then we’ll get you over to Tahiti. Mr. Turner…” He turned to Aidan. “In the absence of an Irish Consulate to represent you, I’ve been given permission to do so. Once we get to Tahiti, we’ll meet with you once again and then put you both on a plane back to LA – probably not until the morning though.” He looked up at the late afternoon sky. “At that point, you’ll be home, Ms. Matthews. And you,” He looked at Aidan again. “…will be met with a representative from Ireland to get things sorted out on your end.” He paused and pursed his lips. “I can tell you this. It’s very lucky that you’ve been found when you were. A few months longer and the call would have been made to declare death in both of your cases. This would be a bit trickier if that were the case.”

I let out a breath I didn’t know I’d been holding. We were both going to be flying back to LA together. I was beyond grateful that we wouldn’t be separated yet.

“So, we haven’t been declared dead yet?” Aidan asked, raising his eyebrows.

“Not legally, no. The twelve of you whose bodies were never recovered are in a sort of waiting period before being declared dead in absentia. However, with the proof of the wreckage, it would have only been a matter of time.” Sam replied.

“What about our families?” I asked. “Have they been notified that we’re alive?”

“As soon as I can provide positive identification via your passports, they will be.” He responded.

We both quickly bent down to fish our passports out from our bags. I handed mine to Sam; it was wavy and bent out of shape from being waterlogged in the crash. He studied both mine and Aidan’s and then passed them back to us. “Perfect. Thank you.” He clasped his hands together. “Well, let’s get going then.”

Aidan hesitated and then turned back to Harrison and Jimmy. I watched the expression on his face become one of extreme respect and gratitude, and he extended his hand reverently to them both. “I can’t put into words how much we appreciate what you’ve done for us today.”

Harrison shrugged and smiled. “Right place, right time.”

“Really though, mate…” Aidan continued, grasping his hand tightly. “It means more than I can express. You’re good men. We’ll surely be in touch.”

They both nodded at him and then turned to me. I bit my lip, not sure how to thank the men who had have saved our lives. I considered a handshake, but it didn’t feel like enough. So instead, I stepped towards Harrison and wrapped my arms around him in a warm hug.

He was surprised at first, but then I felt him chuckle and he patted my back.

I pulled away from him and smiled, a tear welling in my eye. And then I did the same with Jimmy and gave them both a nod. “Thank you.”

“It was our pleasure.” Harrison responded with a heartfelt smile.

Aidan and I turned from them to follow Sam towards a white pick-up truck. It appeared to be the least beat-up car in the lot, further supporting his “official” status. I reached down to pick up my suitcase, but Aidan quickly grabbed it before I had a chance. He grinned at me when I looked at him questioningly. I felt silly, walking with nothing in my hands while Aidan lugged both his bag and mine, but a small smile crossed my face, appreciative of his gesture.

The drive to the airstrip was short, but bumpy. All of the roads on this island appeared to be unpaved and extremely rural. We certainly had reached civilization again, but just barely.

When we arrived at the tiny airport, a small, single engine plane stood alone on the runway, waiting for us.

“It’s about an hour and a half flight to Pape’ete. We’ll talk about some more details on the way.” Sam told us as we walked towards the plane.

A pilot was waiting for us next to the wing and he took our bags and stored them in the bottom cargo compartment. The cabin door had been swung open and Sam indicated for us to climb in.

I took a step forward to board, but noticed that Aidan had not moved. I turned around to see that he stared silently at the plane with an expression of unease. I’d felt it too, but surely not the way he did.

Sam watched patiently as I inched back towards Aidan and placed my hand on his arm gently. There were no words I could say to make him more comfortable boarding a plane again for the first time after such a traumatic experience, so I simply stood next to him for those few seconds in support, waiting until he was ready.

I watched his face, almost able to read the thoughts that ran through his mind; the memories of the dozens of deceased passengers that he encountered in his search for signs of life. It felt more real now, even to me. The fear of it happening again, regardless of how unlikely that was, felt like too much to handle.

But eventually, he took a deep breath and nodded his head.

I gave his arm a gentle squeeze and we both stepped up into the plane. It was small, just a six-seater. Two seats were in the cockpit, and four others faced each other in the passenger compartment.

Aidan and I buckled ourselves in next to each other and Sam sat down across from us. He pulled a cell phone from his pocket and held it to his ear. “Yes, positive identification. It’s them….Yes, please do…An hour and a half…Yep…Thanks.” He shoved the phone back into his pocket and then focused his attention back on us.

We’d both been silent, watching him make his call. I wasn’t sure about Aidan, but I didn’t even know what to think or say at this point. We were in the middle of the South Pacific, relying on a bunch of strangers to get us home safe, and even then, once we were there, we had no idea what our future held. Life had continued on without us while we were away. How would we fit into it again?

Sam sat forward in his seat and met us both with a kindhearted gaze as the plane began to cruise down the runway. “Your families are being notified as we speak.”

I swallowed and felt another tear well in my eye, imagining again what my parent’s reactions would be when they found out I was alive. I brought my hand to my mouth, trying to contain my emotions. For some reason, the knowledge that my parents were being told I wasn’t dead, when they thought I was, meant that this was all very real. The first time I would hear their voices again would be the instant when reality would begin again.

Sam watched me sympathetically and continued. “I know, this is all very overwhelming…to all parties involved. Your immediate families will be contacted first, and then, once they’ve had a chance to speak with you – we’ll get you on the phone with them tonight – we will release the news to the rest of the media outlets after that.”

Aidan leaned forward. “What information will be released? Will my agent be contacted about these details?”

Sam smiled. “Only your names and the fact that you’ve been found alive, at first. We’ll discuss any further details to release once we have you both back in the states.”

I ran my hand through my hair, trying to blink the tears away. Aidan placed his hand gently on my leg; it was a small but comforting act, and it helped me pull myself together a bit.

Sam took a deep breath. “You should know, this news is going to be big once it’s released. When your plane went down, it quickly became worldwide news…for many reasons. The investigation into the malfunctions that caused both engines to fail is still an ongoing topic across the media. It was a mass casualty event, and the fact that a well-known actor such as yourself…” He looked at Aidan. “…was onboard, brought the story to a whole new level. When the press finds out that you’re one of the two found alive, they’ll have a field day.”

Aidan frowned and hung his head. “But all of the poor souls who died should be the focus of all of this.”

I watched Sam’s expression soften. “But _you_ _survived_. The deceased haven’t been forgotten, I promise you that, but the media will want to tell your story. Both of you.” He looked at me. “You survived what everyone believed was impossible. It’s a real tale of triumph.”

Aidan sighed and sat back in his seat, letting his head fall backwards onto the headrest and looking out the window at the vast blue sea far beneath the plane.

I furrowed my brow and looked at Sam. “Even though we haven’t been ‘declared’ dead yet, everyone thinks so, right? Were there funerals?”

“Yes ma’am. There were.” He said quietly.

I gulped, barely believing that I’d been alive during my own funeral. “What about…social security numbers, identities, bank accounts…? What’s happened to all that?”

“You haven’t been legally declared dead, so your identities are still very much active. There is nothing to worry about there. Your bank accounts were locked, expected to be handed over to your next of kin upon declaration of death. Since you’ve been found before that point, there should be no issue there.” Sam replied confidently.

Aidan sighed and turned back towards him. “Sounds like we were discovered just in time. Do you know why search and rescue teams didn’t scour our island? How far away was the wreckage found? We can’t have drifted that far?” There was a touch of annoyance in his voice, and I didn’t blame him. How _had_ they missed us?

“Mr. Turner, I wish I could answer those questions for you. But unfortunately, I cannot. When you return to LA, there will be officials there who can provide you with some clarity.” Sam replied sadly.

“Very well.” Aidan said, and leaned his head back again.

I could tell that he was tired. It had been a long day, and there was so much still ahead of us. On our island, there was no money, no bank accounts, no social security numbers, no officials, and no legal matters to deal with. On our island, it had just been us, our love, and endless days of calm ocean waves.

***

An hour and a half later, we touched down safely in Pape’ete, Tahiti. It was a much larger airport than Takaroa, with full-sized airliners and lots of hustle and bustle. We exited the plane and were quickly escorted into the terminal and then asked to pass through a private security point to check our bags. I was worried they might confiscate the precious wooden heart that Aidan had carved for me, but I watched the young security woman take it from my bag, study it for a moment, and then make eye contact with me. I didn’t say anything, but I held her gaze, hoping she’d see its importance.

Fortunately, she did, and she placed it carefully back into my bag and then pulled the zipper closed.

Sam led us down a series of hallways and then into a small room which looked like an unused office. “If you’ll sit for a moment, I’d like to iron out some details.”

Aidan and I sunk into the two chairs in the room. I was exhausted. It had begun to become dark outside, and I just wanted to sleep. My mind needed a break from the whirlwind day I’d been through.

Sam stood in front of us. “So, your flight out will depart first thing in the morning.” He handed us each a boarding pass. “We’ll be putting you each up in a hotel tonight and sending a car to retrieve you at 6am…”

There was a knock on the door before he could continue. Sam furrowed his brow and turned around to see who it was. He pulled open the door and stuck his head around the corner. I heard him whisper something into the hallway, and then he stepped back inside with a cell phone in his hand.

He looked at me with and expression of compassion. “Ms. Matthews, your parents are on the line.”

My heart leapt in my chest and I grasped Aidan’s forearm abruptly, needing to hold on to something. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him look at me, and my throat began to ache as I tried to fight back the tears that I knew were inevitable.

Sam held his hand over the receiver as he handed it to me. “We can give you a moment alone.” He gestured for Aidan to follow him, but I held onto his arm tightly. “No, Aidan can stay…” I turned and found his gaze. “Will you stay?”

His expression was sympathetic, and his eyes were kind as he placed his hand over mine and nodded.

Sam placed the phone in my hand and then gave me a tight smile before exiting the room quietly.

I held the phone in my lap for just a moment and my eyes met Aidan’s. He squeezed my hand gently and nodded encouragingly.

I swallowed one more time and then slowly raised the phone to my ear. “Mom?”

The voice that responded back to me was frantic and emotional, but oh so familiar. “Colette! Oh my God, Colette? Is that you?”

I couldn’t hold back the tears anymore and they fell, wet and heavy, onto my shirt. “Yes, Mom, it’s me…it’s me.”

“Oh my God…” She sobbed, and I heard my father on the line as well, also in disbelief. “Are you ok, sweetheart?”

“I’m fine, yes I’m fine…” I breathed through shallow sobs. Aidan rubbed my arm gently in support.

“Colette, we thought you were…” My mother trailed off.

“I know, Mom, I know. I missed you so much…”

“We…it’s been…so horrible…you…the crash…your sister is just…it’s awful…” She broke down again and I could no longer understand her.

I sniffled. “I’m ok, Mom. I’m fine. I’m coming home tomorrow.”

“Yes, they’ve given us the flight details.” She said through tears. “We aren’t allowed to meet you at the airport…some security reason…” She trailed off and my father spoke in her silence. “Colette, honey, we’ve been absolutely crushed. We…” His breath caught in his throat. “We just want to see you. They want to check you at the hospital after you land. We’ll meet you there, sweetheart…Are you sure you’re ok?”

“Yes, Dad, I’m fine. I can’t wait to see you both.”

My mother spoke up again. “I just can’t believe it…” She paused. “And the man you were with? Is he ok?”

I furrowed my brow. She must not have been told who he was, because she was well aware of, at the very least, my Poldark obsession, and she would have recognized his name immediately.

I looked up at Aidan, who’s eyes were still focused on me. “Yes, he’s fine too. We’re both fine.”

“Oh Colette…” She sobbed. “We love you so very much…”

Another tear dropped from my eye. “I love you too…”

I heard shuffling on her end. “Oh ok…sweetheart, they’re telling us we need to hang up now. They said there are some legal reasons that we can’t ask too much until you’ve been officially questioned…Oh Colette…We’ve missed you so much.”

“Ok, Mom…I’ve missed you too. It’s been a lot…but I’m ok. I promise. I’ll see you both in the morning.”

“Ok honey…” My father said. “Have a…” He paused for a few seconds and I heard him take a deep, shaking breath. “Have a safe flight. We’ll see you soon.”

“I will, I love you both, goodnight.”

“Goodnight…” My mother’s voice was quiet.

“Goodnight…” I repeated. I could barely bring myself to say goodbye.

“Goodnight…” My father said.

Painfully and slowly, I pulled the phone from my ear and ended the call.

I took a deep, shaking breath and looked up at Aidan. My lower lip trembled as I felt my own deep emotions, as well as my parent’s, course through me. It was too much to handle all at once, and I felt the tears overflow again.

Aidan frowned and he pulled me into his chest tenderly. “Happy tears, my love, happy tears.” He whispered.

I nodded into his shirt. “I know, but it’s so hard to think about what they’ve gone through.”

“I know, I know, love…” He ran his fingers through my hair gently.

I sniffled and pulled back from him. My eyes met his and I quickly wiped the tears from my cheeks. “I’m sorry…” I tried to laugh, pulling myself together.

Aidan looked confused. “Why are you apologizing?”

I took a deep, shaking breath. “For asking you to sit with me while I spoke with them…I’m so emotional. I don’t know what’s come over me…”

He took my hand in his. “Colette, I’m here whenever you need me. Speaking to your parents again…that is an incredibly emotional thing to endure. Your reactions are perfectly in line with how you should be feeling.”

I stared deeply into his heartfelt, deep, honey eyes as his warm hand grasped mine. But another knock on the door broke our gaze and then Sam pushed it open ever so slowly.

When he saw that I was no longer speaking with my parents, he extended his hand and I placed the phone there. A middle-aged woman with a clipboard followed him into the room and stood silently next to him.

Sam sat down again. “I’ve just been told that your family, Mr. Turner, should be placing a call to this phone shortly.” He paused, and I saw Aidan swallow anxiously. “But until then, we have a few more things to cover.”

Aidan took a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair slowly. We both watched Sam to see what else he needed to tell us.

“First, before letting you into this country, as well as eventually into the US, we need to get a quick check of your heath to make sure you’re both safe for the flight as well as void of any infections that you might have obtained on the island. Will you allow Darla to take a quick assessment of your vitals? Just blood pressure, listening to your lungs, temperature…nothing invasive.”

Aidan and I both nodded, and the woman called Darla stepped towards me first. She smiled warmly and wrapped a blood pressure cuff around my arm.

While she assessed us, Sam continued to speak. “Because you are the only two survivors, you hold the only remaining details pertaining to the experience on that plane. I haven’t asked either of you anything about the ordeal yet, because we’ve all been asked to allow you to speak first with law enforcement when you reach LA. And because of that…” He paused. “You’ll be under the utmost security when you reach LAX. News will have spread to the media by then, and we fully expect some crowds. You’ll be transported directly from the airport to UCLA Medical Center where they’d like to perform a few tests to see how your bodies may have been affected during these last few months, with your permission of course. Those details will be ironed out when you arrive.”

Aidan and I were both silent as the nurse finished with her assessment of my vitals and moved on to him. I wasn’t sure about him, but I could barely comprehend the plans being laid out in front of us. I was so exhausted that I was having trouble keeping my eyes open.

Sam’s face became serious as he saw my fatigue. “I know, you two are probably worn out from the day. We’ll get you to sleep soon here, just –“ He paused abruptly as the cell phone began to vibrate in his hand.

At the same moment, the nurse finished taking Aidan’s temperature and scribbled it down on her clipboard and retreated towards the door. “They’re both in perfect health from what I can tell.” She looked at Sam.

“Thank you, Darla.” Sam smiled, standing from his chair and handing the phone to Aidan. “Your parents.” He looked at him pointedly and then exited the room with nurse Darla.

I met Aidan’s gaze and I hesitated briefly, placing my hands on the arms of my chair to push myself up. I wasn’t sure he wanted me to stay, and I didn’t want to make any assumptions, but I felt his hand fall to mine, and I met his eyes again. They were kind and appreciative, telling me that I should stay.

I lowered myself back into my chair and watched him lift the phone to his ear. It was his turn now, to experience sweet emotions of letting his family know that he was alive.

“Mam, Dad?” He said into the phone. His voice was low and soft. “Yes, I’m safe, I’m fine…I know…I love you…yes I’m fine.” His voice was strained with sentiment as he reacted to their grief.

I couldn’t hear them speaking on the other end, but I sat quietly next to him as I listed to his voice shake as he assured them gently and told them how much he missed them. It was a strange place to be in, speaking with loved ones who believed us to be dead, and my heart ached for him as I empathized with his situation.

As he ended the call, he sniffed, holding back tears that I could see just behind his eyes. He was being strong for them, and I recognized that familiar disposition within him, remembering how he’d remained strong for me when I’d struggled the most on our small island.

Aidan set the phone down on his knee and leaned his head back on his chair.

I lifted my hand to his shoulder and rubbed it gently. “How are they? When will you see them?”

Aidan closed his eyes. “Mam’s a mess…they’re flying to LA though. They’ll meet me there.”

I took a deep, cleansing breath. If his family was coming to the states to see him, that meant he might be less inclined to leave so soon. It was a guilty and selfish thought on my part, but I wanted him to stay close to me as long as possible. I couldn’t bear to be apart from him just yet.

After a few more moments, Sam returned and then escorted us to a car, which then dropped us off at a small hotel a few miles down the road. It was strange, riding in cars and walking among countless other busy people going about their lives, with Aidan by my side. He looked different in the artificial lights of the city. It sparked memories I had long forgotten about. In my mind, there was the mysterious actor Aidan who I’d fawned over before meeting him, and then there was the island Aidan who had fallen in love with me and who had held me so close in the sand. The line was beginning to blur, and it was an odd sensation.

After checking in, Sam lead us through the hallways of the hotel and then stopped in front of us at the end of one. He held out two key cards. “Rooms 222 and 223. Call the front desk if you need anything. It’s all covered. Remember, a car will pick you both up at 6am sharp.” He smiled at us. “Get some sleep. Tomorrow will be a long day.”

He turned and headed back down the hallway before disappearing around a corner. I looked up at Aidan, who stood holding both of our bags and his key card. He pocketed his card and then nodded towards my door, number 223. I stepped forward and slid my card through the reader. The small light flashed green and I heard the latch unlock.

I pushed the door open and both Aidan and I stepped inside. It was a simple room, with a large bed situated across from a tv and a desk. To the right of the door was a small bathroom. It was a typical hotel room by most standards, but it was more than we’d had in months.

Aidan set both of our bags near the desk and sat down on the edge of the bed, facing me. I peered at him curiously, thinking about his key card burning a hole in his pocket. Of course we’d been given our own rooms. It made perfect sense. They didn’t know about the relationship we’d developed. But wasn’t sure what Aidan felt about the situation. Did he need his space? I certainly didn’t need any, but I wanted to respect him.

I stood a few feet from him silently, not sure what to say. From his spot on the edge of the bed, he looked up into my eyes and studied my expression. My thoughts must have been obvious in my eyes, because he quickly reached out and grabbed me by the waist, pulling me into him.

“Yeah, I’m not going to my own room…” He grinned, planting a firm kiss on my lips.

I smiled widely, kissing him back. “Good.”

I leaned into him, situated between his legs, and he took my face in his hands and looked deeply into my eyes. “How are you feeling?” He asked. “After all that’s happened today?”

I placed my hands on his broad shoulders and studied the features of his face, softly lit by the warm light of the few lamps in the room. This light was different than the flicker of a fire, or the brightness of the sun. It was an even glow that fell across his face and softened his eyes.

“I’m ok.” I said quietly, frowning slightly. “It’s a lot…”

He smiled and touched his fingers to the hair that hung over my forehead. “I know…”

I bit my lip. “But today’s just been a small step. It’s the point when we fall back into our normal lives that scares me the most.” I finally felt like I could release my emotions to him. He knew my feelings better now, and keeping my fears from him would do me no good. He made me feel like I could be honest without worry for his response.

Aidan looked at my hair as he pushed it back, and then his eyes found mine again. “I understand. Let’s take it one day at a time. We are safe now. We have food, water, an actual bed, a shower…”

My eyes focused on the soft pillows on the bed and I instinctively yawned, but I caught myself and started to laugh. I was SO tired.

Aidan smirked. “Why don’t you go take a nice hot shower? And then you need your sleep.”

I nodded. He was right, a hot shower sounded glorious. I leaned in and kissed him again, before pushing away and leaving him on the bed.

In the bathroom, the steaming water hit my back and I let my head fall back, succumbing to the sensations of the heat. It had been so long that I’d almost forgotten how to miss such a luxury, but I was reminded immediately and intensely as I stood in the stream much longer than it took to actually wash myself.

After drying myself off and putting on a fresh t-shirt and pair of shorts, I used the toothbrush and toothpaste that had been provided to us and finished preparing for bed. When I walked back into the bedroom, Aidan grinned and kissed me chastely as he passed me to take his shower.

I grinned as I climbed into the bed and under the covers. Such a simple exchange as taking turns in the bathroom was something that normal couples frequently experienced, and it felt comforting and normal to do these things with Aidan.

I sunk deep into the bed and groaned in response to its softness. It felt incredible in contrast with the palm leaf covered cave floor that I was so used to. I’d grown accustomed to it and had become quite able to get a good night’s sleep, but the crisp, clean sheets and the soft mattress beneath me were welcome upgrades.

I stared up at the ceiling, thinking about the day that had just transpired. My mind wandered to our island. Was it sitting, alone and empty now? Our extinguished fire, cold and dark in the soft light of the moon? We’d given so much life to that small stretch of land. It was bittersweet to realize we’d left it uninhabited once again.

I thought about what Sam had said about our pans for tomorrow about how we’d be taken directly from the airport to the hospital to have our health assessed. That didn’t bother me. After eating a rotten coconut and countless other mysterious things, it would give me peace of mind to know that my body was healthy. What worried me a little bit more was that he’d said we should expect crowds, and that security would be needed. I knew Aidan was famous, but not famous enough to warrant large crowds at an airport. Surely, the incident with the plane had drawn attention for other reasons, and that, combined with Aidan’s position in the public eye, must be enough to potentially attract onlookers. Life would definitely not be returning back to normal so quickly…if ever.

I yawned, already exhausted by the thought.

A few moments later, Aidan emerged from the bathroom, wearing just a pair of black shorts. My eyes started at his hair, which was towel-dried and still slightly damp, falling in loose curls onto his forehead, and then my gaze traveled to his perfect eyes and down to his chin and jaw, which were still covered in a dark beard. My stare finally landed on his shoulders and his chest, which was tanned and thick with curls of hair, as he climbed into bed next to me.

I grinned at him as he snuggled into his pillow. He let out a groan of his own. “Ahhh…this is deadly…”

I couldn’t help but feel blissful to see him in bed with me for the first time. I shifted myself across the mattress and curled up into his bare chest. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head.

“What a day…” I whispered.

“Indeed…” He murmured back.

I felt my breathing slow in the comfort of his warm arms. My brain was working overtime, trying to keep myself awake. “Thank you…”

He traced his fingers across my shoulders and down my arm. “For what?”

I closed my eyes. “For everything…for staying alive, for helping to keep me alive, for ensuring that we made it to this moment right here.”

I felt him yawn into my hair. “Of course, love…but it was a team effort. We’re here because of you too.”

His chest rose and fell gently against my cheek and I felt myself drifting from consciousness. My thoughts escaped from my mouth, unhindered by worries of offending him by expecting too much. “Let’s keep being a team.”

“Mmm, yes, let’s…” Aidan replied quietly, but I barely heard him, because my mind had drifted from the room and back to our peaceful island, still wrapped in his arms, but in the vibrant light of the setting sun.


	32. Home

A loud, buzzer-like beeping rung in my ears, jerking me awake, and my eyes flew open as I tried to figure out what it was.

I heard Aidan groan beside me as I blinked my eyes into the dark. The air around me felt so open and vast. I could immediately tell that I wasn’t in the small confines of our cave, and the feeling confused me initially. I focused on the sharp corners of the room as well as the soft fabric beneath me, and it all came back at once. We weren’t in our cave, we were in a hotel…in Tahiti…about to head home…

“Bloody alarm…” Aidan growled, rolling over in bed and lazily slamming his hand down onto the digital clock on the nightstand, silencing the beeping.

I squinted into the dark and saw that it read 5:30am. I leaned my head back against my pillow. We had a half hour before we needed to be in the lobby, ready for a car to take us to the airport.

Aidan rested his arm across his forehead, and then he closed his eyes again and breathed deeply. His dark, wild curls were sprawled out around his head, contrasting with the bright white pillow he laid on.

I shifted closer to him and traced my finger through the hair on his chest. “Good morning…” I smiled as I spoke quietly.

He groaned again. “I hate alarms…One of the many things I did _not_ miss.”

I grinned and ran my hand over his chest, admiring every detail. “Well, I _did_ miss sleeping in a cozy bed…and now waking up to see you in it, next to me, is quite the thrill.”

He opened his eyes curiously, and they met mine as he pulled his arm from his forehead. He rolled over to face me and smirked as he rested his hand on my shoulder. “Yeah, you like me in a bed, do ya?”

I smirked right back at him. “I like you anywhere, but this new view is quite intriguing.”

His eyes became a shade darker as he leaned in and kissed me deeply. His lips were gentle but insistent as they traveled from my mouth down to my neck, soft and warm. His beard tickled my skin as he moved his mouth to speak. “Man, they left us with toothbrushes and shampoo, you’d think they could have provided a condom or two…” He chuckled into my collarbone.

I let my head back and I laughed, trailing my fingers over his shoulders as goosebumps raised on my skin from his deliberate kisses. “Can you imagine? How presumptuous that would have been of them…”

Aidan chuckled again and pulled back to look at me. “Presumptuous? Maybe. But helpful? Definitely.” He smirked and then looked at the clock beside the bed, which now read 5:37. “We have to be downstairs in barely twenty minutes, anyway.” His darkened eyes turned back to mine. “That’s not enough time for what I had in mind.”

I raised an eyebrow at him seductively and he returned the same scorching look and then kissed me quickly before hopping out of bed.

A warmth spread to every nerve ending across my body as his tantalizing words sunk in. I drew a shaking breath of air and then sat up and dropped my feet to the floor, controlling the images that now raced through my mind.

“So, are you ready for today?” I sighed, standing up and pulling on a pair of jeans and a lightweight t-shirt that Sam’s team had provided to me. They fit fairly well, and I was impressed by their ability to guess my size.

“No, but we’ve gotta do it.” Aidan replied, running his fingers through his hair in the mirror.

“How crazy do you think it’s going to be at the airport in LA?” I asked, tentatively.

He turned to me. “I honestly don’t know…it sounds like this story is pretty big. But we’ll have security. Security is a _huge_ help.”

I frowned and then looked carefully at him. “And the plane? Will you be ok? I’m sure it’ll be the same type as the New Zealand flight.”

Aidan zipped up his leather bag and stood up straight. He swallowed tentatively. “I can’t go the rest of my life being traumatized. I’ve been on hundreds of planes before that flight, and I’ll be on hundreds, maybe thousands more. Gotta just step up and do it.”

I smiled lightly at him. He was right. We had to grin and bear it, the best we could, until hopefully, someday, we’d find a way to break free from our traumatic memories.

When we’d finished getting ready, we made our way to the lobby of the hotel and found Sam already waiting for us. He escorted us to a car and then we were on our way to the airport.

“I hope you slept well.” Sam said from the front passenger seat. “The news was officially released a few hours ago. When you arrive in LA, you’ll have Chief of Police, Marcus Adams, at your gate. He’ll make sure you get to UCLA safely.”

“Are they still expecting crowds?” I asked.

“Yes, ma’am.” He replied. “The media is going to pay thousands of dollars for the first photo of the two of you.”

I took a deep breath, but Sam continued. “The goal is to get you in and out of there as quickly as possible.”

“And then we get assessed at the hospital?” Aidan asked.

“Well, first you’ll answer a few questions pertaining to the crash. Then, you’ll be checked by doctors and given whatever assistance you may need to put your lives back into order.” Sam replied.

After a few more twists and turns of the road, the car pulled up to the airport and Sam handed us our bags from the trunk as we got out. We’d been given fresh, new ones. Island life had not treated our original bags well.

“This is where I leave you.” Sam said. “I wish you both the best of luck in your own lives…” He paused. “…and in any new adventures you may embark on together.” He looked at us pointedly, and I realized I was standing, pressed against Aidan. It was clearly obvious to Sam that we were something of an item and practically joined at the hip. It embarrassed me only slightly. I was proud of the relationship we had built together. I wanted it to be known. I hadn’t asked Aidan of his official stance on the matter yet though.

We took turns shaking Sam’s hand graciously, and we thanked him for the help he had provided.

“We appreciate you keeping us informed and making this transition as smooth as possible.” Aidan smiled.

“It was my pleasure.” Sam replied, and gestured towards a Tahitian officer standing nearby who would escort us through the airport to our gate.

We quickly made our way through security and were able to board our plane immediately. No one appeared to be looking at us here, which made sense. This airport was extremely small, and the news had just barely broken.

We lined up behind the other passengers and then swiped our boarding passes before heading down the jet bridge. It was an incredibly familiar but odd experience. The last time I’d boarded an airline, I’d been alone, and I’d seen the mysterious man in first class who looked like Aidan…who actually _was_ Aidan… Now, here I was, standing with him by my side, traveling home with him. I shook my head and grinned to myself. What had my life become?

We were both seated in first class this time. I had the window seat, and so I watched the ramp agents load checked bags under the plane. My gaze found the rim of the engine just under the wing and my eyes narrowed slightly, wondering what kind of working order it was in. I sighed, knowing these would be my thoughts for every flight now.

“Doing alright?” Aidan asked from beside me, and I felt his hand rest on my leg.

I looked over at him and nodded. “How long is this flight?”

“I think just under 8 hours.” He replied.

I took a deep breath and settled into my seat. “Alright, well, let’s do this.”

Aidan smiled and leaned forward to sort through his new bag, which he had placed under the seat in front of him.

I studied him curiously. He was positioned almost exactly the way he’d been when he was looking at his phone when I’d passed him in the aisle of our original plane. A mess of dark curls, bent over, keeping to himself.

When he looked back up at me, he caught my eye and tilted his head questioningly.

I realized I must have been smirking like a dork, and I laughed and looked down at my hands in my lap.

“What’s got you smiling?” He asked.

I looked back up into his amber eyes. “Just having flashbacks.” I pointed towards the passengers who were filing down the aisle. “I was once one of them, passing you by on my way to the back. Now, here I am.” I gestured to myself. “Next to you.” I met his eyes again.

He took my hand in his and smiled. “And I wouldn’t want you anywhere else.”

***

The flight was gloriously uneventful; a perfectly smooth glide over the Pacific. It was much like the first half of the New Zealand flight, except this time, I did not fall asleep. My eyes continuously darted towards the windows, searching for signs of smoke. Aidan wouldn’t admit it, but I saw his attention focus on the windows frequently too.

It was odd, being in a public place with him. All of the other passengers around us went about their normal routines, paying us no attention. I wanted to scream out to them, _Why are you not freaking out about the fact that this is Aidan Turner right here?_ He’d been such a big part of my life that it was hard for me to remind myself that not everyone and their mother had seen Poldark multiple times like I had.

Aidan and I spent much of the flight watching the movies that played on the screens in front of us, but we chatted occasionally, about the events that had transpired yesterday and about the ones still to come today. When the captain announced that we were finally approaching LAX, I peered out the window and saw the very edge of the coastline, far in the distance.

Home.

I turned forward again and began to wring my hands together. Aidan placed his own hand lightly on top of them. “Are you alright, love?”

I touched his knuckle with my thumb, thinking about the paparazzi Sam had warned us to expect at the airport. I wasn’t sure I’d know how to react to the attention. I looked at him tentatively. “How many photographers do you think there will be?”

Aidan chuckled and turned his shoulders to face me. “Ok, here’s your crash course on dealing with the paparazzi.” His face became a bit more serious. “You don’t have to answer them, you don’t have to look at them. You don’t have to acknowledge them. Just be polite if you have to interact with them. They just want their photos so that they can make their living. It’s nothing personal. It can get a bit overwhelming, and loud, and bright, but luckily, it appears we’ll have some decent security today, so that should help us out immensely.”

I took a deep, nervous breath.

Aidan squeezed my hand. “Don’t worry. I’ll be right there with you.”

I laughed. “Well, that’s the problem. _You’re_ the one they want to see!”

He smiled warmly. “Maybe usually, but we’ll both be in the limelight today.”

I sighed and then watched him carefully. “How do you feel about coming back to all of this?”

He rubbed his beard. “Well, it’ll be familiar. And familiar is comforting…”

I swallowed and looked back down at my hands.

Aidan continued. “But the island also became familiar to me, and I’m going to miss the comfort that it provided.”

I smiled, thinking about the warm, white sand and the simple pleasures that we’d experienced there. “I miss it already…” I said quietly.

“I know, me too.” Aidan smiled, and removed his hand from mine to slowly return his tray table into its upright position. “We’ve both missed a lot of people at home though, and it’s time for us to finally be reunited.”

I watched the side of his face as he tossed his trash into the bag carried by the flight attendant as she walked by. I knew he missed his parents and his brother dearly, but I wondered if part of him missed Jane too. I felt like a part of him had to, they’d still been together when crash happened. We hadn’t spoken about her in a long time, and I desperately wondered how he was going to handle that situation, but I was too afraid to ask. I wasn’t sure if I was just afraid of the topic, or if I was afraid of the answer.

When he looked back at me, I quickly shifted my attention back to the window. The coastline was much closer now, and we were dropping in altitude. I was beginning to see tiny cars on the wide Los Angeles highways.

I closed my eyes. Part of me had never known if I’d ever see this place again, but all of me worried about the potential day that I would. Now, here I was, about to find out what was in store.

A few tense moments later, we landed smoothly on the runway and began to taxi to our gate. I felt a brief sense of calm flow through me, knowing that we’d survived this flight, but it was short-lived, as my anxiety for the next set of events took its place.

The plane came to a stop alongside the jet bridge and the cabin door opened. Aidan and I picked up our bags and made our way quietly off the plane and down the long hallway into the building. As soon as we stepped through the doors, we were greeted by a tall man with greying hair, dressed in a black police officer’s uniform with a shiny silver badge.

He recognized us immediately and pulled us aside so that other passengers could continue on. “Good afternoon Ms. Matthews, Mr. Turner, my name is Marcus Adams. Welcome back. How was your flight?”

We both shook his hand and Aidan spoke up. “Uneventful, thankfully.”

Marcus smiled warmly. “Glad to hear that.” He looked down the hallway at the dozens of people who had passed us. “Well, we need to get you through customs. I’ll be escorting you all the way to UCLA this morning.” He gestured for us to follow him.

I could tell Marcus was all business, and I appreciated that. We needed someone to guide us through this process as smoothly as possible.

I took a deep breath and followed him down the hallway. Customs was, as usual, made up of countless long lines of tired-looking people. Since we were escorted by police, we did get to skip a few of those lines, but it was still a long process.

A few times, I caught a few people peering in our direction and whispering, but I wasn’t sure if it was because of our police escort or if they actually recognized Aidan.

When we’d been cleared through all of the checkpoints, we followed Marcus through the airport, past stores and restaurants and thousands of people, living their normal and carefree lives. It was hard to believe that just yesterday, we’d been eating coconuts and spearing fish for our survival.

Marcus stopped just before we made it to the doors that led from the secure part of the airport back into the public lobby. “Ok, a few things.” He his eyebrows furrowed. “You’ve generated quite the crowd out there, but we have officers keeping the situation under control. Because of the delicacy of the situation and the investigation still being open, we can’t have you speaking with anyone. So, please just follow me and remain quiet. The crowds have already been informed that you won’t be answering any questions, but they’re still going to try.”

I looked up at Aidan, who nodded confidently. He shifted his bag onto his shoulder, and then his eyes found mine. “Ready?” He asked, placing his hand on my back briefly and then blinking and letting it fall back to his side.

I flexed my fingers, wishing I could take his hand in mine. But this was his public image I had to respect. He hadn’t even spoken to Jane yet. Maybe he felt like the world didn’t need to know about us yet, and I understood that he might be hesitant to be so hasty with our public display of affection.

“As ready as I can be, I guess.” I responded.

Aidan smiled encouragingly and then looked back at Marcus, who nodded and led us through the doors.

I took a deep breath as we entered the airport lobby but saw that no one crowded the space. I was initially confused, but then my eyes met the large glass doors that led outside. Beyond them were dozens of men and women with large black cameras and cell phones in their hands. My stomach leapt with nerves, worried about what they might try to do. But then I also saw that a large black SUV was parked merely steps away from the door, and officers were standing next to it, stopping the crowds from blocking our path.

We followed Marcus straight to the doors and as soon as he pushed them open, my ears were assaulted with the sounds of loud voices and the clicking of shutters, and my eyes were bombarded with bright flashes and eager faces.

The questions came all at once, blaring and disjointed as everyone spoke over top of the person next to them.

“Mr. Turner, were you injured in the crash?!”

“Ms. Matthews, how did the two of you survive for so long?!”

“Aidan! Look over here!”

“Aidan! Will you be pressing charges against Air New Zealand?!”

I kept my head down and my shoulder close to Aidan’s as we stepped across the sidewalk to the SUV. It felt odd and rude to blatantly ignore their questions, but I knew I couldn’t, so I didn’t make eye contact and chose to focus only on climbing up into the back seat of the vehicle. Aidan did the same, placing his hand on my back and letting me get in first.

It was over in mere seconds, but it was an overwhelming experience, and I took a deep breath as I buckled my seatbelt.

Aidan smiled and placed his hand on my knee. “It’s usually not that bad.”

I blinked and smiled back. “We’re going to have to do that again at the hospital, aren’t we?”

As the car pulled forward from the crowds, Marcus spoke up from the front seat before Aidan had a chance. “Unfortunately, yes.” He shuffled some papers in his hands and passed one back to each of us. “Here is a list of everything that will happen today. When you arrive, you’ll be brought to separate rooms for questioning first.”

I sighed. I knew we’d have to be split up eventually. I was prepared for it, but finally hearing the official plans didn’t make it any less painful.

“That should take approximately an hour. Then you’ll have your health assessed. You can see a list on that sheet of the tests they’d like to run. You’ll be able to sign consent forms once we get inside.”

I looked down at the list. I saw what appeared to be every default test that a doctor could possibly perform. Ears, eyes, nose, mouth, lungs, heart, blood, skin, weight, height… It seemed perfectly acceptable to me.

“After that,” Marcus continued. “You’ll be reunited with your families, and then if all is well, free to return to your lives.” He turned to Aidan. “You, Mr. Turner, will have an additional step of meeting with Irish officials to sort out a few more details.” He paused. “And of course, there will be ongoing legal matters in relation to the accident. You’ll both be contacted where needed there. Do you have any questions?”

Neither of us did. I didn’t even know what kinds of questions I _should_ have. This was all happening so fast.

Marcus began making phone calls in the front seat while Aidan and I rode silently in the back. I watched the familiar sights of LA fly past my window as we made our way up the 405. The sun was shining brightly, and traffic wasn’t too bad for the afternoon. I suddenly realized I didn’t even know what day it was. Was it a weekday, or was it the weekend? I had no idea. I didn’t have a cell phone, I didn’t have a watch, all I had was my few belongings and Aidan by my side.

He turned to me. “Are you going to be alright alone when we get inside?”

I smiled confidently back at him, trying to hide my nerves. “Yeah. I just don’t like that neither of us have phones though…” I paused. “You’ll come find me when you’re done? I’ll stay in the hospital until I see you again.”

Aidan frowned. “Well, yeah, did you think I was just going to leave without you?”

I blushed. “I don’t know. Where are we even going after this? I doubt either of us have our homes anymore. My parents will probably want me to come to their place…” I pursed my lips as that thought dawned on me for the first time.

Aidan frowned and then took a deep breath as his gentle eyes continued to meet mine. “I’m going to get a hotel.” He watched me tentatively. “I’d like it if you would come stay with me.”

I looked into his eyes. The expression on his face held a touch of anxiety for the first time. Was there doubt there? Was he questioning whether _I_ wanted to stay with him? I began to realize how my words must have sounded, and my expression softened. “I’d like that too…”

I watched the worry fade from his eyes and he relaxed into his seat.

I smiled to myself, flattered that he’d been so anxious for my response. I peered at him from the corner of my eye as he looked out his own window, watching the chaos fly by. I still wasn’t sure what he was going to do about Jane. She must know that he was alive by now. Would she be there with his family, waiting to see him? I desperately wanted to know how he was going to handle the situation, and I could imagine that it weighed heavily on his mind too. I, at the very least, wanted to know how I should act around her and what to expect.

As Marcus continued to chatter away on the phone in front of us, I took a deep breath and leaned my head in towards Aidan, but then retreated slightly as my nerves began to win the battle. I swallowed with difficulty, trying to summon the confidence, and then leaned in again.

I froze for a moment, contemplating my wording, but Aidan turned and saw that I had moved closer to him. “What’s up?” He asked.

I bit my lip and looked at him with cautious eyes. “You don’t have to answer this, because maybe you don’t know…” I closed my eyes for a nervous moment, and then looked back into his. “But…do you know what you’re planning on saying to Jane? She’ll be at the hospital to see you, for sure.”

Aidan’s mouth set in a hard line and I could tell his mind went to a very grim place. He took a long deliberate breath and then opened his mouth to speak, but Marcus ended his call in the front seat at the same time and turned around to look at us. “We’re here, folks.”

My inquisitive gaze held Aidan’s as the car came to a stop and the driver got out to open our door. I pulled in a slow breath, realizing that he couldn’t answer me now. We had to get out of the car and face the crowds, and the questions, and the tests, and our families and friends who had missed us so dearly. For the next few hours, we’d be alone, navigating the rough waters of reentry into the real world all on our own.


	33. Positive

The room was spotless and plain as I sat at a clean, white conference table with my hands clasped in my lap. The hard, plastic chair beneath me was unforgiving. Across from me, a woman and a man, both in business suits, were seated with notebooks laid out in front of them. In front of me on the table was an unopened bottle of water they’d provided.

They’d introduced themselves as Barbara and Michael of the NTSB, and they were preparing to ask me a series of questions about the crash. They hadn’t left time for niceties. We’d barely sat down and introduced ourselves, and they’d already requested that I take a moment to remember the event to the best of my abilities.

I blinked my eyes, trying to remember what had happened on the plane, but all I could think about was the expression on Aidan’s face when we’d made eye contact, just moments ago, for the last time before he was pulled to his own room for questioning. It was a look of sympathy and of sadness, because neither of us wanted to say goodbye, even for just a little while. But it was also a look of reassurance and encouragement. Tonight, we’d reunite and go back to his hotel together…in another soft and inviting bed…just the two of us…

My stomach fluttered at the thought, and my mind wandered to fiery places, but then I looked back up at my interviewers across the table and cleared my throat, trying to remember the plane again.

Barbara spoke up first. “Why don’t you take us through your experience, from the moment you boarded the plane, all the way to the incident? Please share any and every detail you can remember, even if they may seem insignificant.”

I took a deep breath and began to painstakingly explain everything that had happened on the plane that day. They were curious if I’d seen anything abnormal in terms of the activities of the workers and employees on and around the plane. I told them that I hadn’t. When I talked about the boarding process, Barbara spoke up again. “Do you remember seeing Mr. Turner already in his seat when you were making your way to yours?”

I nodded, vividly remembering his dark curls and the jolt of excitement they’d sent to my stomach. “Yes, he was in first class. I walked right past him.”

Michael slid a sheet of paper in my direction. “Can you point out where you saw him sitting?”

It was a seat map of the airplane we’d been on. I studied it closely and pointed to the area where I’d seen him. I couldn’t remember exactly which row, but I knew he was in an aisle seat. “Don’t you already have his seat number though?” I asked, curious.

“Yes, but we still ask all of the questions, just to be sure. For all we know, he could have changed seats, and it’s important for us to know where the survivors were sitting.” Michael responded. “Could you also point to your seat?”

I indicated my spot near the back of the plane.

“And were the two other seats in your row also occupied?” He asked.

I looked down at the two small dots on the map that indicated where the elderly couple had been. I sighed, momentarily grieving their lost lives again and feeling the pain, new and fresh in my heart. But I also remembered that their suitcase had provided us with the Swiss Army knife that may have saved us. I nodded in response to Michael’s question.

Barbara scribbled something down into her notebook and then looked up at me. “Ok, so when did you first begin to notice anything out of normal during the flight? Was it before or after the captain announced the malfunction?”

I explained to them that I’d been sleeping, and woke up to the turbulence, and then I took them through the experience of both engines failing, followed by the terrifyingly deep nosedive. Remembering all of the details again caused the anxiety of the day to return, and my heartrate increased as I was reminded of the helpless fear that had coursed through me.

“And what did you see out the window?” Michael asked.

“Smoke. Lots of black smoke. You could barely see the sky.” I replied, opening my bottle of water and taking a sip.

“And what do you remember from the impact and directly afterwards?” Barbara questioned me.

I took a deep breath. “I lost consciousness on impact. After that, I barely remember anything. I think I must have regained it for just a moment, because I remember being lifted from my seat by Aidan. It was very hot. There must have been a lot of fire.”

“Do you remember anything else about the state of the plane or if anyone else was alive?” Michael asked.

I frowned. “I don’t. I was barely coherent at that point. My brain couldn’t comprehend what was happening. All I remember is Aidan and the heat…”

“When did you fully regain consciousness?”

I remembered the waving palm leaves above my head as I’d woken up on our beach. I had been so disoriented in that moment. “I think it was about twenty-four hours later. Or at least that’s what Aidan told me. I think I woke up briefly on the lifeboat, but not fully until we’d washed up on the island.”

They backtracked and asked me many more questions about the flight and what I’d saw, sometimes asking me the same questions twice. I could tell they were hoping I might remember extra bits and pieces as I talked about it, but it had all happened so fast. It was a blur to me, and I’d only understood a portion of what had been going on around me.

After an hour of repetitive questioning, Barbara finally closed her notebook and smiled at me. “I know this was a lot, and it’s a traumatic event to re-live, but thank you for taking this time to tell us what you remember, Ms. Matthews. Our hope is to provide a little insight and comfort to the families of those who were lost, and also prevent something like this from happening again in the future.”

I sighed. I hoped that it would. “So, do you think you know what caused it yet?”

Michael stood up and pushed in his chair. “We’re getting closer. The investigation into the wreckage is still underway, though. We don’t have all the answers yet.” He walked to the door and opened it for me, indicating that it was time for me to leave.

I stood up silently and followed him. This entire interview process had been all business, with very little room for emotion. I understood why that was, but the ordeal, to me, wasn’t just a plane crash, it was the beginning of a journey that had changed my life forever. It was strange to speak of it in such clinical terms.

I gave both of my interviewers a nod and then stepped out into the hallway and let out a long breath. My mind drifted to Aidan, who was likely in a nearby room, answering countless more questions, and likely having much harder time that I. He’d seen much more than I did that day, but it was just that: he’d _seen_ more than I did. I hated that he had to re-live it again.

A young nurse was waiting for me with a clipboard in her hands. She smiled brightly at me. “Colette, right?”

I smiled back at her and nodded. It was refreshing to have someone drop the formalities and casually call me by my first name again.

“If you’ll just follow me, we’re going to get started on your tests.” She was a bit younger than me, with a high ponytail and an energetic pep in her step. I liked her. I needed some positivity after being asked to remember such traumatic events.

She led me to a small room where she recorded my height and weight. I weighed a bit less than before the crash, but it wasn’t as big of a reduction as I had expected. I realized that my increased muscle was the culprit.

She had me sit in a small, lightly padded chair, and then she wrapped a blood pressure cuff around my arm. As she pumped it up, we were both silent, but I noticed her gaze meet mine a few times. I could tell she was trying to hide it, because every time I caught her eye, she looked away quickly. I wondered why she would seem so nervous with me. Surely, she must perform small tests like this many times a day.

She moved on to take my temperature and pulse, and then picked up a needle and vile to collect a blood sample. As she prepared them, she looked up at me again and cleared her throat. “So, um…” Her voice was nervous. “What is Aidan like? Had you heard of him before the crash?”

A small smile crossed my face. I understood now why she was acting anxious with me. She must have been a fan too. “I had. And he’s a really wonderful person, and so much fun.” I grinned.

“So, you were a fan?” She looked at me with wide, excited eyes.

“Very much…” I chuckled.

She paused with the empty vile in her hand and blinked, as if trying to comprehend the situation. I didn’t blame her for being stunned. It really was a bit of a cliché trope, being stranded on a deserted island with him.

“I know…” I laughed again, joining in her disbelief.

“Wow…” She said, stepping forward and tying a tourniquet around my arm and wiping a swab across my inner elbow in preparation for the needle. “Well, I can imagine a few months alone with Aidan Turner wasn’t too hard to endure?”

I smirked. _Oh, if she only knew…_

“You’re lucky by many standards.” She continued. “Is he alright? Were the two of you terribly injured in the crash?”

“Surprising, not terribly. Aidan has a pretty serious scar on his face…and his leg, and I hit my head quite hard, and tweaked my knee. But we actually faired pretty well.” I replied.

I felt a small pinch as she found a vein and began to draw blood. She held the vile in her hand and looked at me again. “Well, everyone is so glad that you both survived…the crash, and all of those months on the island. I think we’re all in disbelief.” She paused. “Was it extremely difficult?”

I took a deep breath. “Yes, and no. We had lots of moments where our survival was in jeopardy…close calls, lack of food. But strangely enough, it was also beautiful and peaceful and refreshing to be there.” I paused, not sure how much I should say. “I almost…didn’t want to leave…”

The nursed removed the needle and placed pressure on my arm. She smiled. “Yes, peaceful is not exactly the way to describe LA.”

“Not in the slightest.” I replied and frowned slightly.

She wrapped my arm and then picked up her clipboard. “Well, I would love to ask you like, a million more questions, but Dr. Morris should be about ready for you, so I’m going to take you to your room now.”

I smiled and nodded, following her from the room to a much larger one with a hospital bed and two cushioned chairs.

“We’re going to admit you, just temporarily, until we get the results back from your blood tests. The doctor will be in shortly. You can change into your gown, just there in the bathroom.” She pointed towards a door to the left of the bed.

“Thank you.” I replied, and she smiled brightly again before leaving the room and closing the door behind her.

I took a deep breath and looked around at my surroundings, hoping I wouldn’t be here long. I just wanted to see Aidan again.

In the bathroom, I changed into the unflattering, pale blue hospital gown and folded my clothes neatly near the sink. I wondered when they’d let me see my family. I pictured them in a waiting room somewhere, anxious to be allowed in.

I pulled the gown tightly around me and sat down on the edge of the bed, clasping my hands on my lap. Apart from being quite tired, I felt perfectly healthy, and hoped they wouldn’t find anything in my test results that would say otherwise. Other than my head injury, I hadn’t sustained anything that was too troubling, so there couldn’t be much to check. On the other hand, Aidan had two deep scars, and I was sure they would be checking those carefully. I pictured the scar on his face, which was now pink and healed. I wondered if he’d choose to have it smoothed or removed in some way. His face was a big proponent of his career, and I assumed he probably placed high priority on it. To me, the scar was an indication of the important journey we’d been on, but it might be seen as an eyesore to others.

There was a knock on the door to my room and then it opened slowly and a middle-aged woman in a long white coat stepped inside. Her smile was warm and comforting as she moved towards me and outstretched her hand. “Colette, it’s wonderful to meet you. I’m Dr. Laura Morris.”

I shook her hand and returned her pleasant expression.

She pulled up a chair and sat down in front of me. “So, you’ve been through quite the ordeal it seems?” She held a clipboard on her lap and focused her attention intently on me.

“You could say that.” I smiled back.

“Well, we’re going to get you checked over just to make sure you’re perfectly healthy, but first I’d like to ask you a few questions about the conditions you faced.” Her demeanor was very comforting and friendly as her eyes met mine without waver. She had a wonderful bedside manner, and I felt myself relax a bit.

“What kinds of injuries did you sustain in the crash itself?” She asked, placing her pen to the form on her clipboard.

“I injured my knee slightly, I think just from the impact on the seat in front of me. But the bigger thing was that I was knocked unconscious and stayed that way…off and on…for about twenty-four hours.”

Dr. Morris nodded and wrote some things down. “You probably sustained a minor concussion. Were there any lasting symptoms? Headaches, loss of balance, blurred vision?”

I shook my head. “No, nothing like that.”

“Well, that’s good news. You’re very fortunate there.” She looked up at me again. “Can you tell me about what you ate on the island?”

“Coconuts, fish, birds, eggs, seaweed…” I listed the few items off to her.

She nodded. “Did you eat anything that didn’t agree with you?”

“Once, yes…” I sighed. “I accidently drank a rotten coconut.”

She scrunched her face, sympathizing with me. “How did that affect you?”

“No well.” I frowned. “I couldn’t keep anything down for, like a full day afterwards. Lots of pain too.”

“Any lingering symptoms from that?” She asked.

“No, it was short-lived, thank goodness.” I breathed.

“And how about your water supply?”

“We caught a lot of rainwater, but there were a few times when even that wasn’t available. We survived on coconut water for some stretches of time.”

“I’m impressed.” She replied. “Not everyone could have survived as well as you did.”

I smiled and dropped my head. “Even I probably wouldn’t have survived without Aidan. He did a lot of the hard work.”

“I’m sure the two of you were great support for each other. He probably wouldn’t have done as well without you either. It sounds like you were a good team.”

I looked up at her. She understood perfectly, the teamwork that had been required for our survival. My heart warmed with the realization that we’d done the best we could, and that we’d actually done well, and it was being recognized.

Our teamwork had not only kept us alive, but it had brought to life a profound and beautiful love that was built on a unique foundation that only Aidan and I could truly understand. I imagined his arms wrapped around me again, as we’d laid in our cave, night after night, morning after morning, talking and laughing and falling deeper for each other with each moment that passed. _Gosh, I missed him so much already…_

Dr. Morris began the physical examination, checking my eyes, nose, mouth, ears, and also my skin for signs of serious sun damage. She listened to my heart and my lungs and asked me a few more questions before hanging her stethoscope back around her neck. “Well, that’s all I have for you right now. I’m not seeing anything that worries me. Your lab work should be finished in an hour or two. You can just sit back and relax. I believe your family will be in shortly.” She grinned.

“Thank you so much.” I smiled at her, and then she retreated from the room.

I sat back against the pillow on the bed and closed my eyes. The last time I’d been away from Aidan this long had probably been during one of his fishing trips. I was worried about him then, and I was worried about him now, but for very different reasons. I knew he was physically safe in this moment, under the care of doctors and officials, but what kinds of loaded questions was he being asked about the aftermath of the crash, forced to remember those who he could not save? I was surprised he hadn’t suffered more nightmares from the ordeal. I’d have been a complete mess if I’d been in his place. He was strong, not just physically, but mentally too, and I adored and respected that about him.

There was a slight creak from the door and my eyes shot open. It was slowly being pushed by someone outside the room and I waited breathlessly, wondering who it might be.

And then I instantly recognized my mother’s emotional face as she peaked around the edge of the door’s wooden surface. Her eyes found mine and then she brought her hand to her mouth and rushed over to me.

“Colette…Oh my God…” She threw her arms around me and buried her face in my shoulder.

It was an immense sense of relief to feel her embrace once again, and I felt a knot form in my throat as I hugged her back tightly. I looked over her shoulder and saw my father and my sister enter the room directly behind her. Both of their faces held the same sentimental but joyful expressions as they crowded me on my bed.

My mother leaned back and took my face in her hands as her eyes found mine. “Sweetheart, how are you? Are you ok?” She touched my arms and looked me over as if making sure I was all there.

I wiped a tear from my eye and smiled. “Yes, Mom, I’m good…I’m fine, I’m fine.”

My father and sister both enveloped me in deep, heartfelt hugs, sharing their relief at my return, and then the three of them paused to look at me with tears in their eyes. Their expressions were exactly what you’d expect from someone who’d seen the dead come back to life. It was an odd feeling, being the object of their shock and disbelief.

My mother sat down on the edge of my bed and wrapped her arms around me again. “I love you so much, Colette…I can’t even believe you’re here back in front of me right now.”

“I know, I know…I didn’t know if I ever would be…I’m so sorry…so sorry that you had to go through this…”

My mother placed her hand on my cheek. “We’re just glad you’re back, sweetie…”

My father and sister found spots to sit on the bed as well, never taking their eyes from me. I was surrounded by the family that I loved in the deepest parts of my heart, and I looked at the three of them for a moment, before I felt the emotions bubble up within me again and I began to feel the tears fall onto my cheeks.

My father grasped my hand gently. “You did wonderful, Colette. We’re so proud of you…so proud.”

I looked up at him through blurred eyes and nodded.

“We missed you so much…Were you hurt?” My old sister, Evelyn, asked, sitting forward and watching me intently. “Do you remember the crash?”

I sighed and frowned. “I barely remember it, Eve, but I hit my head pretty hard. I was unconscious for a full day.”

My mother reached out and touched my forehead. “Oh, honey…”

My father furrowed his brow. “How did you make it off the plane if you were unconscious?”

I swallowed. “Well…Aidan carried me…” I looked at my mother tentatively.

Her eyes found mine and her frown almost turned up at the corners. “Yes, can we please talk about this? Was it really Aidan Turner?”

I smirked through my tears. “Yes, yes it was.”

Evelyn leaned in again. “Just you, and Aidan Turner, alone on that island for three and a half months? Weren’t you like, low key obsessed with Poldark…and him?”

I gave her a pointed look, but nodded. “Yeah, pretty much.” I grinned slightly as I took a deep breath, trying to control my emotions. But then my face became serious. “I wouldn’t be here without him though…if he hadn’t carried me off that plane.”

“We have a lot to talk about.” My mother stated simply.

“A lot…” I emphasized.

My mother took a deep breath. “Start from the beginning. I want to hear it all.”

I began to tell the three of them the stories, from start to finish, about the entire ordeal. I knew I’d be telling these stories over and over again, but I tried to give them as many details as I could. I told them about the crash, the moment I woke up on the beach, the bad coconut, the delicious fish, the drought, the beautiful sunsets. I told them about Aidan and how wonderful he’d been to me and how many times he’d saved my life. I told them about the time I saved his too. It was strange to remember it all, in chronological order, and in my head, I could easily piece together how our relationship had grown. I told them about the peaceful evenings and the chats by the fire, but I left out the heated moments that had followed, where passion had taken over our bodies and we’d given in to our desires.

“I’m so glad you found some joy in your days there.” My mother smiled. “Aidan sounds like a fine man to have spent so much time with.”

“I did…and he is.” I sighed, looking towards the window, wondering where he was now and when I’d see him again. I looked back at my mother. She was watching me with an inquisitive expression.

She nodded towards my sister and father without breaking eye contact with me. “Why don’t you two head down to the food court. I know you’re hungry. I’ll be there shortly, after I catch up with Colette a bit more.”

I took a breath as they both stood up and hugged me again before leaving the room.

My mother scooted closer to me and placed her hand on mine. I looked down at them. Her skin was a bit thinner and more worn in comparison the youth of mine. It showed her knowledge and her wisdom.

“Colette.” She said softly, and I raised my eyes to meet hers. She smiled warmly and her face held an expression of awareness. “You and Aidan…you spent a lot of time together. Something formed between the two of you, didn’t it?”

I blushed and looked down.

She placed her finger under my chin and tilted my head towards her again. She was smiling encouragingly. “You were there for each other as you went through all of those struggles and difficulties. It’s no surprise that feelings developed.”

I smiled lightly and nodded. She knew how to read me so well.

“You’ll always have that bond.” She continued. “As the two of you go back to your own lives, in your own directions, you’ll forever remember the time you spent together, and the memories that were made.” She rubbed her hand over my shoulder. “Those feelings didn’t mean nothing.”

I swallowed nervously, realizing that she didn’t realize how deeply we’d fallen. I thought about how Aidan and I had plans to see how we might be able to keep our relationship alive. We weren’t sure if we’d have success, or if our lifestyles would blend well, but we knew we wanted to try. “Mom, our directions may be merging together…”

She blinked cautiously. She knew we’d created a bond, but she didn’t realize the extent to which our feelings had grown.

I pressed my lips together and grasped her hands. A tear welled in my eye again. “Mom, I love him.”

Her eyes softened and she tilted her head in compassion. “Does he…?”

I grinned and held back my tears, and then I nodded gently.

“Oh Colette, that’s wonderful…” She leaned in and wrapped her arms around me again. “What a journey you’ve been on. Who would have thought…”

“You can say that again.” I laughed into her shoulder.

She pulled back and smirked at me, while at the same time, Dr. Morris appeared in the doorway with her clipboard.

My mother saw her and smiled, before turning back to me. “I have so much to ask you…And I need to meet Aidan…” She giggled. “But I’ll let you be with the doctor. I’m going to go get a bite to eat with your father and Eve. I’ll be back in a bit.” She placed her hand on my cheek one last time and then stood up from the bed and left the room.

Dr. Morris smiled tightly at me and then came to sit down in the chair next to the bed. She shuffled through her papers and then took a deep breath and looked up at me.

I watched her expression, which was not as warm and carefree as it had been the first time I’d met her. There was something there, behind her eyes, and I worried that maybe it was something she was afraid to tell me.

I sat up straighter in the bed and focused my attention on her.

She took another deep breath. “Your lab results all came back wonderful. You’re a little dehydrated, but otherwise perfectly healthy. All of your levels are normal. It appears that you were getting adequate nourishment with the food you found on the island.”

I nodded, but watched her cautiously. Her expression didn’t match the perfectly good news she was providing. There was something she wasn’t telling me. I felt my heartrate increase. Did I catch some sort of disease?

She shuffled her papers in her hands and laid them neatly on her lap. “In most cases, we’d send you home and tell you to drink a little extra water to get your hydration back up…” She paused. “But in your cause, we’d actually like to hook you up to some fluids to get those levels up a little faster, to be safe…”

I leaned my head slightly towards her, not understanding what she was getting at. Why did we need to be extra safe?

She watched me for a moment, almost as if she was hoping I’d read her mind. But I couldn’t. I had no idea what she was trying to tell me.

She placed her pen down in her lap and then rested her hand on the edge of my bed. “Colette…” She paused. “Are you aware that you’re pregnant?”

My heart stopped beating.

And at the same time, the room began to spin, and my ears began to feel as if they were filled with cotton.

“What…?” My voice was barely a shallow breath.

Dr. Morris watched me with cautious eyes. “Your lab results clearly indicate that you are pregnant.”

I felt the blood rushing from my head as I tried to comprehend what she was saying. The words entered my ears, but they grew jumbled as my brain tried to make sense of them. “But…are you sure?”

“Yes, Colette.” She replied softly. “Are you able to remember how long ago the first day of your last menstrual cycle was?”

My fingers began to tingle as I stared blankly at the wall behind her. I’d spent so much of my energy lately thinking about the chaos of the last two days, that I’d forgotten to even worry about waiting for my next period. I wracked my brain, trying to remember when I’d gotten it last. My voice was barely a squeak as I responded. “I think…four or five weeks ago?”

Dr. Morris nodded and wrote something down. “Ok, thank you. Gestation is measured from that date, so that would make you just over a month pregnant.”

I did the math in my head, remembering when Aidan and I had slept together. It actually made sense…but we’d been so careful. I dropped my head to my hands.

Dr. Morris leaned in and placed her hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry if this was unexpected, honey…but, you and the baby are very, very fortunate that you were rescued when you were. If you’d carried on the island, who knows what kinds of complications you may have had. You’re in good hands here.”

Her words, which were meant in comfort, were barely an ease to my current state. My worst fear, the thing that I’d tried to prevent so intensely, was here, staring me in the face. I looked up at the doctor again with a defeated expression. “We tried to…we didn’t mean…” I couldn’t even form words.

She smiled gently at me. “I know. These things happen, though.” She paused, as if not sure she should continue. “This could be a really beautiful product of your journey together, if you let it."

I swallowed and looked back down at my lap. Dr. Morris squeezed my shoulder gently and then stood up from her chair. “I’ll let you comprehend for a bit, and then we can discuss what happens next.”

She began to leave the room, but my head shot up before she was gone. “Please, don’t tell Aidan…” It was a plea from deep inside me.

She turned around and smiled. “Doctor-patient confidentiality is a serious thing. Telling him is not my job. That’s yours.” Her expression was warm and encouraging as she twisted the doorknob and left the room.

I stared at her empty chair for a moment, barely believing what I’d just been told. I couldn’t believe how irresponsible we’d been…

I slammed an open palmed hand down onto the soft bed. _I should have known better…_

How was I going to tell Aidan? The very last thing I wanted was for him to feel forced to stay with me. It was the worry that had plagued me from the first time we’d taken those steps towards intimacy. I never thought I’d actually have to face the worry, head-on.

I pulled my legs up into my chest and wrapped my arms around them. I rested my head on my knees and let the tears fall. Each drop represented something different: the fear of figuring out how to tell Aidan, the many ways the news would affect his life, the ways it would affect his feelings for me, as well as my own unpreparedness for a child, my fear of the whole ordeal, and my regret at the carelessness we’d handled our potential future with.

I let my hand fall to my belly, and I stroked gently back and forth. Behind all of the fear and guilt, a small part of me felt a new emotion for the new life that was growing inside me. A life that Aidan and I had created, unknowingly, from our love, and our beautiful experience of survival together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah...so that just happened 😳
> 
> I went back and forth on this storyline quite a few times, just because it's such a common trope, but I wanted to stay true to my original storyline that lived in my head long before I started writing this fanfic, and this was a big part of it.
> 
> So...here we go! Come on along for the ride! 😬


	34. Jane

I watched the slow drip of the IV bag next to my bed as it gradually fed fluid down the tubes and into my veins. I’d been hooked up to it just moments ago, and now I sat silently, alone again in my room. There was a plate of food in front of me that I’d barely touched. My family would be returning from their meal soon, I was sure, and I was trying to pull my emotions together.

Propped up against the pillows on my bed, I was helpless to go anywhere while I was attached to the IV machine. I was a prisoner to my room and also to my own mind, and the doubts and fears that lingered there.

I still couldn’t believe it. I hadn’t felt any of the symptoms I’d expected. _At least, I thought I hadn’t…_ My mind traveled back to Harrison’s boat, and that first bag of cheese crackers I ate. I remembered that the smell put me off initially, but I’d thought it was just because I wasn’t used to processed foods. I furrowed my brow. Maybe that had been a sign.

I thought about the intense emotions I’d felt these last two days, which I had thought were due to the overwhelming experience of coming home. And most of them probably were, but I _did_ feel more unnecessarily emotional than I had expected.

I closed my eyes and leaned my head back onto the pillow.

A child.

I wasn’t ready for a baby. Sure, I had a steady job – _well, I think I still did_ – and I knew I was responsible and capable of raising a child, but emotionally, I wasn’t prepared. I’d always pictured myself married and already established in a strong relationship before thinking about a baby.

This was not that picture. My relationship with Aidan was strong, but that strength was only established on our island, and not here in the real world. We had no idea what our future held, and we had been so eager to test the waters together and see where they led. Now, we were going to be thrown into the stream without lifejackets, sent with the current, unable to have a say in the matter.

I grimaced and rubbed the spot between my eyes. What would raising a child with Aidan look like in our lives? Surely, when I’d tell him, he’d want to be part of the baby’s life. He was in love with me now, and it would only be the proper response from him. Maybe he would even experience a sense of excitement and joy in his heart. But deep down, how would he feel? I wanted to know that he loved me because of _me_ , and not just because he felt like he had to, for the sake of our child.

Our child.

It hit me like a ton of bricks, all over again. I was carrying Aidan’s child. This small being was half mine and half his, a perfect mix of our genes. It was almost too hard to believe. Less than four months ago, I’d stared at his beautiful face on my television screen and imagined what it might be like to meet him in person, and now here I was, growing a tiny version of him inside of me.

How would he react when he found out? I remembered the extreme relief he’d expressed when I’d told him that I wasn’t pregnant the first time on our island. He’d been so happy. He clearly wasn’t ready for a child. Would he still be able to continue his career in the same way with this as his new reality? Would he feel burdened by fatherhood? How often would he even see the child amid his busy schedule? What would the press think when they found out that we been so careless on the island? What would that do to his reputation?

My heart started to beat faster as I realized how frightened I was to tell him. He was already under enough stress coming back into the real world. I hated the idea of being the bearer of news that would change his life forever.

I closed my eyes again and took a deep breath, trying to calm my heartrate. But at the same time, there was a knock on the door. I opened my eyes to see it swing open slowly. I immediately expected my mother, and dreaded keeping this information from her.

But instead, a mane of dark curls appeared around the corner and there Aidan stood, tall, confident, and undeniably handsome, smiling at me.

A wave of butterflies engulfed my stomach as my eyes met his. He was dressed in dark jeans that fell over black boots, and a dark gray t-shirt. It was a far cry from his “island clothes,” and it was something I’d expected to see him wearing if I’d met him in any other scenario. He’d shaved off his beard, and his hair was slightly damp from a shower.

“How are you feeling?” His smile became momentarily cautious as he crossed the room in just a few long strides and leaned down to kiss me. His lips were soft and gentle against mine and I squeezed my eyes shut, dreading my secret.

He sat down on the bed next to my hip and touched my arm gently. I looked down at the IV on the top of my hand. “I’m alright, I guess.”

He followed my gaze to the needle and the tube that led from it. “They said that they need to keep you overnight?”

I took a deep breath and watched him carefully. “Yeah, unfortunately. Did they tell you why?”

His eyes met mine sympathetically. “They said you were overly dehydrated.”

I nodded slowly and sighed. It was only part of the truth, but it was the truth enough. “Yeah, so I guess I’m stuck here for now.” My expression was sorrowful as I remembered he’d wanted me to come back to his hotel with him tonight.

He stroked my arm. “Hey, that’s ok. You need to be healthy. Did the rest of you check out alright?

I swallowed nervously. “Yeah…no strange island diseases…” I tried to smile in my attempt at humor. “How about you? Are you good?”

“Yep.” He replied. “A little dehydrated too, but apparently not enough to keep me overnight.”

I looked down at my hands, wishing I could tell him the truth right now, in this moment. But I knew I needed time to formulate my words and say the right things.

My eyes met his again, which reflected the light from the window as he watched me. “How was the questioning?”

He sighed. “As expected. A lot to hash out…”

I watched his expression turn contemplative as he remembered. I didn’t want to make him sad again, so I spoke up. “What about your family? Did they show up yet?”

“Yeah, they did.” He smiled. “They’re away, getting a bite to eat.”

“Oh,” I frowned. “You could have gone with them…”

He took my hand in his. “Nope, I told you I’d come find you before I left the hospital, and I don’t break promises.” He smiled. “Besides, I wanted to come and make sure you were ok.”

I blinked slowly and smiled back. He was so sweet to me; I could barely handle it.

“Did your family arrive?” He asked.

“They did.” I replied. “They’re away to eat as well.”

He watched me curiously for a moment. “Did you tell them about us?”

My stomach dropped when he asked me. Did he not want me to? “Oh, um, I told my mom…” My voice was tentative.

He saw my worry and immediately smiled encouragingly. “No, that’s good, that’s good. I told mine too.”

“You did?” I asked softly, stunned.

“Of course. They can’t wait to meet you.” His expression was genuine and excited, and I relaxed a bit. I was glad he wasn’t afraid to share the truth about us. But then a lone butterfly stirred in my stomach again. _Meeting his parents_. How would I even go about that, knowing I was hiding a secret that even he didn’t know?

“Has…anyone else shown up to see you?” I asked tentatively, thinking about Jane.

I could tell he understood immediately, and he reached into his pocket and pulled out a shiny new iPhone and swiped to the main screen. “My parents reactivated my number. Jane is supposed to text me when she’s on her way.”

I swallowed again. “Have you been in contact with her yet?”

“Not yet.” He replied quietly.

I bit my lip and then started to open my mouth to ask him what he was going to say to her, but at the same time, the door to the room opened and my entire family shuffled in.

My mother stopped in her tracks when she saw Aidan sitting on the bed with me, and then an emotional smile fell over her face.

Aidan turned to see them file in, and I took a deep and anxious breath. “Aidan, these are my parents and my sister.” I gestured towards them.

He stood up from the bed and crossed the room towards my mother, extending his hand, but she grinned and instead enveloped him in a warm hug. “Thank you so much for keeping her safe…”

I watched Aidan’s back as he relaxed into her embrace.

My mother leaned back and placed her hands on his shoulders, looking at him squarely. “Colette has had nothing but wonderful things to say about you, and we are just so thankful that she had you. It’s wonderful to meet you.”

“It’s my absolute pleasure to meet you too.” He replied. “I’ve heard nothing but positive things about you as well.”

He turned to my father and they grasped hands in that way that only men can do. A tight, iron grip between two men with the utmost respect for one another. A unique comfort made itself known in my heart.

My father’s deep voice spoke with sincerity. “Thank you for getting her back to us safely.”

Aidan nodded and they maintained eye contact for a few seconds longer, before he moved on to Evelyn. I saw her expression become slightly starstruck as she leaned in for a hug, and I smirked. He definitely had that effect on everyone.

“Evelyn, right?” He smiled at her.

She nodded and stepped back silently. Like sister, like sister, she was almost as nervous as I was the first time I met him.

My mother took his spot next to me on the bed and touched my arm. “So, they’re keeping you overnight? How are you feeling?”

I touched my hand to hers. “I’m fine, mom. It’s just a precaution.”

She smiled at me, and fortunately, it seemed as if that was enough explanation for her now. She turned to Aidan and then pointed at the chair next to the bed. “Aidan, sit. Let’s get acquainted.”

I snickered softly as I watched Aidan swiftly follow her instructions and make his way to the chair. When my mother had a request, it was best to oblige, and he was catching on quickly.

“How are you fairing after this ordeal?” She asked once he’d sat down.

“I’m doing alright, thanks.” He replied. “It’s a lot to take in so quickly, coming back to all the chaos.”

“Well, I don’t know a whole lot about you.” My mother said. “But I do know that there will probably be quite a bit more for you to sort out than there will be for Colette. Have you thought about if you’ll get straight back into acting?”

My eyes widened as I watched her. She was diving right into the hard questions, more confidently than I could. I wanted to stop her, but I immediately looked back at Aidan to see his response.

He blinked and shifted nervously in his seat. “I really don’t know. I haven’t spoken to my agent yet. Definitely not tomorrow or next week. _Maybe_ next month. But it’s all up in the air right now.”

I let out a quiet breath. I was hoping he wouldn’t rush back into things. There was so much to figure out, and now with the baby…I wasn’t sure what he would do.

The five of us sat and chatted for an hour or so, recounting our struggles and triumphs together. It was a different experience, telling the story with Aidan’s help. We’d done that together on the boat with Harrison and Jimmy, but with my parents who knew me so well and were so invested in every detail, it felt special and sweet. Aidan tended to downplay his heroic moments when he’d been so supportive and life-saving to me. But he had no trouble playing up my arduous task of sewing up his leg and dragging him many yards across the sand.

He was so sweet, and at one point, he placed his hand on the edge of my bed, as if just needing to inch closer to me in any way possible. I contemplated his action for a moment, catching sight of his hand multiple times, until I finally placed mine atop his. He responded by wrapping his fingers around mine affectionately.

When my mother noticed our exchange, she checked her watch. “It’s almost eight.” She cleared her throat. “We should let you two be.” She placed her hand on my leg. “You’ll be ok tonight? We’ll come back first thing in the morning. Your father is going to get your phone reactivated and we’ll bring that to you tomorrow.”

I smiled. “Thanks mom, yes, I’ll be fine.”

She leaned in and kissed my cheek. “It’s so wonderful to see you Colette…I barely have words.”

I watched her with emotional eyes. “I love you.”

“Love you sweetie…” She stood up. “Oh, and Lainey is on her way back from Israel. She’s frantic…told me to tell you she’d be here tomorrow morning.”

“Israel?” I asked, confused.

My mother smiled and shrugged. “You know how she is…another botanical study.” She ushered my father and sister from the room. “Goodnight, sweetheart.” My father and sister extended their goodnights and they all left with warm smiles and happy hearts.

Aidan and I sat alone, still holding hands, and I gave him an apologetic look, feeling bad that he’d had to spend so much time with my parents, so soon. But he smiled. “They were wonderful.”

I grinned.

“I really like your mom, she’s a no-nonsense kind of lady.” He smirked.

I laughed and rubbed my thumb along his. “Yeah, she doesn’t mess around.”

“She is very sweet though…I can see where you get _that_ from.” He smiled.

I blushed and studied his large hand that grasped my small one. He was still here with me. He hadn’t left yet.

I took a deep breath, wishing I could be truthful with him, but I couldn’t let the news cloud his decisions about his own life. I had to wait and see where he truly wanted to be, first. I wouldn’t let this turn of events ruin his dreams.

Instead, since my mother had so helpfully broached the topic, I decided to bravely ask him about some of those dreams. But just as I opened my mouth to speak, much like last time, the door to my room swung open.

This time, though, it was pushed with a great force and both of us swung around to see who was entering so quickly.

She stormed into the room in a fit of panic; clearly out of breath and anxious, but at the same time, not a hair was out of place on her perfect head of straight, dark locks. Her heels clicked on the floor as she stopped in place and her bright green eyes landed on Aidan sitting next to me.

Jane. In the flesh.

Aidan dropped my hand and shot up from his chair to face her.

“Aidan…” She breathed, and crossed the distance towards him quickly, flinging her arms around him in a tight hug. “Oh my God…Aidan…”

I watched his arms tentatively wrap around her as well. “I thought you were going to text me when you were on your way?” I could hear the cautious surprise in his voice as she hugged him tighter.

Jane leaned back and took his face in her hands, studying him intently. “I couldn’t even bear to…I got here as fast as I could.”

I looked down and picked at a loose thread on my bedsheet, trying not to be an unwelcome guest to their reunion.

“Are you alright? Were you hurt?” She asked anxiously, running her hands down his arms. Her voice was high and feminine, almost in a fake way, but I actually believed that it was just that annoying naturally.

I rolled my eyes internally at her question. _Was he hurt?_ Of course he was hurt. He was in a plane crash. What did she expect?

“I’m alright now.” Aidan replied, and I watched his feet take a small step backwards from her.

“Oh, Aidan…it was awful. We all thought you were…”

“I know.” He interrupted her gently. “A lot has happened in the last few months.”

“I’m so glad you’re ok…” Her breathing was still elevated, and a very small part of me felt a touch of sympathy for her. If I’d been in her unnecessary stilettos, I would have been so relieved to see Aidan alive.

I scanned her skin-tight black jeans up to a flowing, lace, white top, which I hated to admit was adorable and totally something I’d wear myself. My eyes found her leather Coach bag, precariously suspended from her elbow, and then my gaze landed finally on her perfectly manicured, bright red nails.

Tentatively, my eyes made their way back up to her face, and I realized immediately how beautiful she was. No wonder Aidan had fallen for her so easily. She had high, but soft cheekbones, touched with just the perfect amount of blush, and a small, feminine chin. Her green eyes were framed by brilliantly long eyelashes and her straight, dark hair fell flawlessly around her cheeks. She was striking by most standards, but she also had a fierceness in her appearance, quite unlike the innocence that graced mine.

I swallowed, embarrassed by the mess I must look here in my hospital bed compared to her, but Jane’s eyes suddenly found mine, and she smiled genuinely.

“Oh, you must be Colette!” She stepped towards me and extended her hand.

I hesitated, but took hers in mine and smiled tightly in return. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Aidan step back and run his hand nervously through his hair. He was flustered, and it was a state I wasn’t used to seeing him in.

“It’s wonderful to meet you.” She said, releasing my hand, and before I had a chance to respond, turning immediately back to Aidan and grabbing his arm. “Oh, I just can’t believe you’re back…I’d lost hope…we have so much to catch up on…”

I watched as she shifted her weight back and forth on her shiny heels, showing off her perfect figure. She had that way about her; that confidence and perkiness that came naturally, even when she was in a distressing situation like this one.

Aidan cleared his throat. “Jane, let’s take a walk? Ok?”

I watched him look her straight in the eyes, and she responded with an eager grin.

I frowned. She had no idea.

Aidan took her hand and pulled her towards the door. As he opened it, he looked over his shoulder at me briefly. His expression was sympathetic, but I returned it with a forced smile of encouragement. This was his dilemma to solve, and I didn’t envy him, but I hoped it wouldn’t be too dramatic. He didn’t need that stress right now. At the same time, I also hoped that he wouldn’t discover something wonderful about Jane that he’d forgotten about on our island, and have to, once again, weigh his options: me against her.

We were two very different women in his life, and it was up to him to make his decision. I felt in my heart that he truly did love me and would decide to break the news to Jane, but I also didn’t want to assume. Ultimately, I was glad I hadn’t told him about the baby yet. It would only cloud his judgement, and I wanted him to make his decision based on his true feelings and not based on guilt.

I laid back on my pillow and sighed, wondering how he was going to explain to her what had happened. Would he give her the whole truth, or break it to her softly? I couldn’t quite tell from her body language if she’d moved on yet. She was definitely affectionate with him, but she hadn’t outright kissed him. If I’d thought my significant other had been killed in a plane crash and then came back from the dead, I’d be _crashing_ my lips onto his immediately.

I looked out the window. It was already getting dark. I closed my eyes, feeling content that maybe she was over him too and that their conversation would be short and to the point.

But over an hour later, I wasn’t so sure.

I sat on the edge of my bed, tied to my IV, feeling helpless and stuck. What was taking him so long? How long does it take to break up with someone? Maybe longer when you’ve been through the experience he had, and having to explain a change in actions and feelings that had long since passed.

I took a deep breath and swung my legs back and forth, just barely touching the ground with my toes. As much as I didn’t like Jane, I felt awful about what we’d done to her, and I just wanted it over with. I knew she’d hate me because of it, and I disliked the idea of having enemies, but there was no other way around it. What was done was done, and now, she’d eventually find out that I was pregnant, which I was sure would send her even further off the deep end.

I stilled my legs and looked down at the floor, wishing he would just come back already and tell me what had happened. It did me no good to sit and dwell on images that were surely not true.

I heard a creak for the door and my head shot up to see Aidan lean his head around the corner. His eyes met mine and I opened my mouth to speak, but he held up his hand to stop me.

“My parents and Colin are here. Would you mind if they said hi?” His expression was apologetic as I closed my mouth and nodded.

He stepped fully into the room, followed by the rest of his family, and I took a deep breath and put a smile on my face.

His mother was the first to speak as she smiled warmly at me. “We won’t take up too much of your time. I know it’s late, but, oh Colette, we just had to come say hello.” She crossed the room to me and enveloped me in a hug.

It was oddly comforting to meet her, finally. Aidan had spoken of his family in such positive terms. It meant a lot that they wanted to meet me.

“It’s wonderful to meet you.” I smiled kindly.

His father and brother each hugged me and introduced themselves as well. It was a sweet moment, since I knew that they were aware of what had transpired between Aidan and I.

His mother handed a take-out bag to Aidan and looked at him pointedly. “Make sure you eat well. I know there is a lot going on, but you need your nourishment.”

“Thanks.” He grinned, and kissed her on the cheek.

I smirked. He was a mamma’s boy. It was adorable, and I could tell she loved him very much.

“Now, don’t eat it all yourself. You share that with Colette.” She ordered him as he looked inside the bag.

I snickered as she looked up at me, and then she came and took my hand in hers. “Thank you, honey, for keeping him happy and healthy. He’s very lucky to have you…I could go on, but I promised we’d leave you alone to eat and get some sleep. You must be absolutely knackered.” She patted my hand and then retreated towards the door.

“Thanks for stopping by.” I grinned, as they hugged Aidan again and left the room just as quickly as they’d come.

Aidan set the bag of food on a small table on the opposite wall, and then he came to sit in the chair beside me. “Sorry, I hope you didn’t mind that they stopped by.” His face was apologetic again.

I smiled. “No, it was wonderful to meet them. That was very kind of them.”

He leaned back in his chair and rubbed his forehead, and I knew immediately that his conversation with Jane must not have been easy.

I watched him tentatively. “How did it go?”

He let out a long breath. “We talked it through. She’s angry, understandably. But at the same time, she told me that she was beginning to move on, emotionally.”

I listened intently, curious to hear more.

He sighed again. “But, as you can imagine, she has a bit of a distaste, knowing that I moved on, when I knew fully that she was still alive and well. It was a different situation in my case, and I don’t blame her for feeling that betrayal and anger.”

I frowned. “I’m sorry you had to do that. Do you think her anger will linger?”

He looked at me and pulled his lips together tightly. “She might hold a grudge for awhile, but she’ll be alright. I could tell that her anger was focused more on the betrayal and less on actual sadness for losing me. Like I said before, I think she already had one foot out the door too, before any of this happened.”

I worried a little bit about Jane and how her grudge might affect her actions, but I placed my open palm on the bed as a comforting invite to him. When he saw it, he grasped it with his own hand gently and continued. “After speaking with Jane, I do feel a bit like I cheated…I mean, I did…” He paused. “And that’s not the kind of person I want to portray myself as to you.”

I squeezed his hand. “I don’t think of it that way. I believe that if you would have had the opportunity to break it off with her _before_ expressing your feelings for me, you would have.” I eyed him closely, making sure he knew that I believed his actions were well meant.

He smiled and blinked with an emotion in his eyes. “I love you.” He leaned in and kissed me with gentle and tender lips. But the kiss was also laced with deep feelings and sentiments. I placed my hand on the side of his face and held him to me for a moment, savoring the moment; knowing that he’d said his goodbye to Jane, and that his thoughts moving forward were with me. It was a sweet moment, and we were both happy. It would have been the perfect time to tell him my secret, but for some reason, I just couldn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bear with me guys, I've had this recurring stomach ache for the last week and a half, and it makes it hard to write as often as I'd like to. 😕 It's important to me to make sure these chapters remain at the same quality, so I have only been writing during the times when I'm feeling well. 
> 
> Hopefully I'll feel 100% again soon, because I'm SO excited about where I'm taking this story! 😁👍


	35. Hesitant

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for being so patient with me as it's been taking a bit longer to write lately. I'm actually feeling quite well today, but its a bit of an off-and-on thing. I so appreciate all of your well wishes! I'm getting it figured out!
> 
> ❤️❤️❤️

I opened my eyes slowly, blinking into the faint morning light that streamed through the slits in the curtains at the window. _What window was that? Where was I?_

My sleepy gaze traveled slightly to the right and then landed on Aidan, fast asleep on a reclining chair, and it all came back to me. I was still in the hospital; stuck here for the night because I was dehydrated and pregnant.

Pregnant.

My hand moved down to my stomach and I felt the emotions course through me again. It still didn’t feel real, and I doubted it would, until I told Aidan.

Aidan.

I looked over at him again, sprawled out on what looked like the most uncomfortable recliner I’d ever seen. I’d tried to persuade him to go get a hotel room for himself last night, but he’d continually rejected the idea, saying that he wanted to stay with me here in my room.

It was extremely sweet of him, and I was incredibly touched and pleasantly surprised by the way he’d been so attentive and lovely to me since we’d returned. I’d been worried that he would dive back into his own life immediately and become distracted, but that was far from the case so far. It would likely still eventually happen, and I was prepared, but it was nice to still have him all to myself for now.

I watched Aidan’s chest rise and fall slowly as he slept. He was so peaceful and content to have finally been rescued. I hated that I’d have to disturb that peace soon with my news.

I thought back to the night when he’d been my Johnny Castle, lifting me high above him and fulfilling one of my silly fantasies. We’d both lost control of our desires that night, for only the second time in our entire extent of knowing each other, and that one frenzied decision had changed the course of our lives forever.

I closed my eyes and remembered how my heartrate had increased as we’d dropped our reservations and given into temptation. It was an immense feeling of connection, as if we were the only two souls in the entire universe, or at least the only two that mattered, and I felt my nerves tingle in response to the memory as I laid silently here in my hospital bed.

I heard the creaking of cheap vinyl and opened my eyes to see Aidan shifting in his seat. He turned his head to meet my gaze and then smiled. “Morning, love.” He yawned and stretched his neck and his arms.

“I’m glad to see you got at least _some_ sleep.” I smiled, watching him massage his tense muscles.

He stood up and rubbed his eyes, walking over to my bed and sitting down next to me. “How are you feeling?”

I sighed. “I’m fine, really. They’d better release me this morning…” I glared at the door, knowing a nurse would be there soon.

“Just as long as you’re back to your same, healthy self.” Aidan rubbed my arm.

I looked at him out of the corner of my eye and then shifted my gaze to the bed and sighed. Sure, I’d be the same, but with one important addition.

“So, what are your plans for the next few days?” I asked, wanting to change the subject. “I’ll be needing to get in contact with my manager and see if I still have a job.” I sighed. Reality was starting to stare me right in the face, and could feel my longings for the simple island life creeping in.

Aidan pulled his phone from his pocket. “You know, I should really be calling my agent to figure out what’s happened with my projects.” He paused. “I’d like to know what’s been done about Poldark.”

I looked at his phone and nodded towards it. “Have you gotten online to see what’s transpired since the crash?”

He shook his head. “Haven’t even opened the browser app yet. I want the words from my agent first.”

“That’s some serious self-control.” I smiled, impressed.

He shrugged. “I haven’t even had the time. When I haven’t been with you, I’ve been with my parents, doctors, officials…Jane…”

I chose not to focus on his last mention. “Oh, that’s right, did you speak with the Irish Ambassador, or whoever? Are you cleared with all of that?”

He nodded and sighed. “Yeah, I’m going to have to get over there and sign some documents…get a few things sorted out. But, my identity is safe, bank account is no longer locked, driver’s license is still valid…”

I swallowed nervously. “When do you think you’ll have to go back to Ireland?”

He stood up and shoved his hands in his pockets casually. “Probably sometime this week…but it’ll be a short visit. I won’t be gone long.”

I watched him with disappointed eyes. “You’ll come back here?”

He caught my gaze with a reassuring expression. “Of course…you and I have a lot to coordinate and figure out before I’d feel comfortable leaving you for more than a few days.”

I took a deep breath. He had _that_ right.

When he saw that I was still distressed, he leaned in and kissed my forehead. “I’m not leaving you, Colette. I don’t _want_ to leave you.”

When he started to lean away, I reached up and wrapped my hand around the back of his neck and pulled him to me again. I pressed my lips against his, and at first sensed that he was surprised by my action, but then his lips softened, and he braced his hands on the bed, kissing me deeply.

I needed these little moments that reminded me of his commitment. I needed them more now than I ever had in the past.

When he finally pulled away, his familiar honey eyes bore deeply into mine with sincerity. They were the very same eyes that had watched me when I woke up on the beach that first day, the same eyes that met mine as he spun me around in the sand as we danced, the same eyes that watched me with worry when I’d suffered food poisoning, the same eyes that had been filled with horrific pain as I disinfected his wound, and the same eyes that had stared emotionally into mine as we’d moved together as one, fulfilling our desires that special evening, by the light of the sunset, on our own beautiful island. He’d worked so hard to gain my trust, and he’d proven it to me so many times. I’d doubted him for so long, and then finally I’d begun to really believe him. Only now that I’d received the news from Dr. Morris, everything had changed, and I felt the doubt creeping in again.

I felt bad about it. Aidan didn’t deserve my continued hesitations. It wasn’t fair to him. I hoped that he would be able to have a little bit more patience with me as I navigated my journey of figuring out how to tell him the truth.

“Alright, I’m going to go make a few calls. Do you need anything?” Aidan asked, stepping away from the bed.

“Nah, I’m good. I expect I’ll see a nurse come in soon.” I replied, trying to smile.

“Alright, I’ll be back in a bit, love.” He grinned, and then made his way out of the room.

Not more than 5 minutes later, Dr. Morris and a nurse entered the room.

“Good morning, Colette.” She smiled. “Are you quite ready to get out of here?”

I sighed. “Yes, please.”

The nurse began to shut off the machines and remove the IV from my hand and Dr. Morris sat down in the chair next to me. “We’re going to get your paperwork together and you’ll be free to leave in the next hour or so. How are you feeling?”

I shrugged my shoulders, embarrassed that I hadn’t told Aidan yet. “I’m alright. Physically I feel fine.”

She smiled warmly. “In about two weeks’ time, you’ll be needing to schedule your first prenatal appointment.” Her eyes checked mine for understanding.

I nodded and touched the bandage the nurse had placed on my hand. It was all so real.

Dr. Morris touched my knee gently. “You’ll be alright, honey. You’ve experienced so many more hardships of life than most of us now. You have what it takes to do this.”

I looked up at her and smiled tentatively. I knew that her encouragement referred to my future journey of motherhood, and I appreciated and truly needed that from her, but in this moment, her words spoke to me in a different way. I _did_ have what it took to tell Aidan, but the trick would be harnessing the confidence.

Ten minutes later, my parents arrived with a suitcase of my clothes, new toiletries, and a new cell phone, reactivated with my original number. They told me that my apartment had been subleased, but that they’d help me find a new one. I assured them that for now, I’d planned to stay with Aidan while he was in town, and stay with them while he wasn’t. Soon, though, I’d have to find my own place again.

They asked if Aidan and I would be interested in going out to lunch with them this afternoon. I could tell my mother was incredibly eager to see as much of me as possible, and I didn’t blame her. She thought she’d never see me again, and now, it was hard for her to let go, if even for a few hours. I assured her that I’d be available for lunch but that I’d have to check with Aidan. I wasn’t about to be making any assumptions about him and his plans at this point.

When they’d left again, I sat on the edge of my bed with my suitcase next to me and my cell phone in the pocket of my blue jeans. I’d taken a quick shower and spent some time in the bathroom, applying just a few touches of mascara, blush, and a natural tint of lipstick. I’d never bothered with makeup while on the island. I had some of it with me, but we used the mirror for starting fires only, and with survival at the forefront, makeup seemed like an afterthought. But looking at myself in the large bathroom mirror just moments ago, I’d smiled at the way I looked; finally put together and more like myself.

Now, on the bed, I waited for Aidan’s return, and for the all-clear from the nurse that I could be discharged. I couldn’t wait to get out of this room.

The door suddenly swung open, and a head full of auburn waves tore around the corner. Her eyes met mine with a mix of shock and elation.

“Lainey…” I breathed, grinning and standing up quickly.

She didn’t say a word as she crossed the room quickly and threw her arms around me in a tight embrace, almost knocking me backwards.

“Oh my God, Colette…” She spoke anxiously into my shoulder.

I rubbed her back and let out a long breath, so glad to see her again.

She leaned back and placed her hands on my shoulders. “I can’t believe it’s even you.” Her gaze flew across my face, back and forth, trying to comprehend.

“It’s me…” I giggled and took her hands in mine. “How are you? How was Israel?”

She waved off the topic. “I’m fine…same as usual…but you!” She sat down onto the bed and pulled me down to sit next to her. With wide eyes, she began the flood of questions. “Are you ok? What was it like? What did you eat? Did you think you’d ever be rescued?”

I answered her with small details, knowing we’d have plenty of time to catch up in the days to come. She was so enthusiastic and eager to hear everything I had to say. And when I explained a few of the harder times, she was appropriately serious and comforting.

“Ok, but was it...seriously…Aidan Turner?” Her eyes widened again.

I bit my lip and grinned. “Yeah…”

She let out a squeal, causing me to grab her leg quickly. “Shhhh...” I laughed.

“Oh my God, you freaking lived some sort of impossible fantasy, didn’t you? What’s he like?” She watched me with awe.

I continued to laugh. “He’s great, Lainey…really, really great. Even as a fan, I had no idea…” I paused and blushed. “He’s kind of…wonderful…”

She narrowed her eyes slightly, trying to comprehend, and studied me for a few seconds. “Wait…did you guys…have a thing?”

I tried to suppress my immense grin. Lainey knew how I’d felt about him before the crash, so she, more than anyone else, knew the enormity of this situation. “…yeah…more than just a little bit…”

She leaned back from me and just about squealed again, and then shot me a playful look of disbelief. “You’re joking with me…”

“I am not.” I chuckled.

Lainey took a deep breath and looked me in the eye. “Did you two…you know…?” She shifted her shoulders seductively.

I felt my cheeks begin to turn red as a smile remained on my face, but I held her gaze and nodded.

She stood up from the bed and spun around in a circle, unable to contain her emotions, and I had to laugh again. She held her hands to the sides of her head, as if preventing her mind from exploding. She was a true friend, and even though she didn’t care about Aidan the way I had, she knew how much this meant to me, and her reactions were appropriately over the top.

“Oh my God.” She said again and returned to sit down next to me. “Tell me _everything_ …”

I laughed. “I’ve got plenty to tell…” But I stopped because the door opened again and Aidan stepped in, meeting my gaze. “…another time…” I finished.

Lainey heard him behind her and spun around quickly.

“Aidan, this is Lainey.” I smiled, gesturing towards her.

She stood up and outstretched her hand, and he took hers confidently. “Ah, it’s fantastic to meet you finally.” He grinned.

She let out a disbelieving chuckle. “I…I feel the same way.”

She turned her head back to me and flashed a secret “Oh my God he’s so handsome” kind of look my way.

I snickered and stood up from the bed, looking at Aidan. “Did you hear if they’re discharging me yet?”

“Yes, actually, the nurse is on her way. She told me to tell you to pack your things.” His eyes met mine and lingered there for a moment, as if he were seeing me differently than he had before.

I pointed at my suitcase confidently. “I’m ready to go.”

A few moments later, the nurse arrived, and we said goodbye to Lainey. I told her I’d see her tomorrow, and left her with an excited wink. I was sure she could barely wait.

When Aidan and I made it to the large glass doors at the front of the hospital, we saw that a vast crowd was, yet again, huddled at the entrance. Aidan took out his phone briefly.

I looked down at it and then pulled my own from my pocket. I placed my hand on his arm and grinned. “Hey, I don’t know if this is too soon, but, like, could I maybe have your number?”

I watched corners of his mouth turn up as he realized the absurdity of the situation. “I don’t know, are we at that point yet?”

I giggled and pulled up my contacts app, typing in ‘Aidan Turner.’ I tapped my foot. “I think just maybe…”

He grabbed my phone from my hand and entered his number before passing it back to me. “I don’t usually give my number out to fans.” He joked.

“Glad I’m the exception to that rule.” I smirked, opening up a text to him so that I could send him mine too.

I hesitated, trying to figure out what to write, before tapping the letters on the screen.

_Hey handsome.  
Love, your Colette_

I paused before hitting send, because I knew it was cheesy, but it was how I felt in my heart in this moment.

“So, where are we actually going now?” I asked.

“I reserved a hotel and called an Uber. That’s it, right there.” He pointed towards the car parked at the end of the crowd.

It felt strange, as we were about to enter the real world again, on our own, without the escort of officials and law enforcement. I wasn’t sure how to deal with the fame that followed Aidan wherever he went.

Aidan’s phone buzzed as my text came in and he looked down at it. A smile grew quickly on his face and he leaned down and kissed me. “My Colette…” He echoed my text. And then he looked closely at me again. “You look absolutely beautiful, by the way…”

I blushed, realizing he hadn’t really seen me in makeup before.

“Makeup, or no makeup, you’re absolutely beautiful, but I like the change.” He grinned.

I smiled up at him, flattered by his words, but then a hospital security guard walked over to us and stopped in front of Aidan. “There are a few fans looking for autographs out there, Mr. Turner. Should we send them away?”

Aidan shook his head. “No, I’ll sign a few, thank you.”

The guard nodded and stepped out the door in front of us.

Aidan looked down at me. “It’ll just take a minute or two. Are you alright with that?”

I shrugged happily. “Yeah, I don’t mind at all.” I knew he’d always been so kind to his fans, and I didn’t want him to ever lose that selfless part of him.

He smiled and took my hand in his.

The action surprised me, as I wasn’t sure if he was ready to make our relationship public. “There are lots of cameras out there…is this ok?” I squeezed his hand.

He took a breath. “I have no intention of hiding this, as long as you are ok with being seen with me?” His eyes crinkled at the corners as he grinned.

I smirked and stepped on my toes to kiss him quickly. “Absolutely.”

***

Later that evening, after lunch with my parents, and then dinner with his, we were finally alone for an extended period of time in his hotel room. It was definitely an upscale place; much nicer than anything I had the funds for, and I was beginning to finally feel like we were from two different worlds.

The island had leveled the playing field for us. We’d both been put in the same dire situation, with the same few essentials and items to survive with. There were no fancy hotel rooms or expensive habits to show us that our lifestyles might be different.

I sat on the large, plush, white bed as Aidan walked over to the in-room mini bar and picked up a small bottle of whiskey, pouring a small amount into a glass. He gestured towards the rest of the items on the bar. “Do you want anything?”

I shook my head quickly. Even if I did, I couldn’t.

He came to sit next to me and took a sip, closing his eyes. “Ahhh…I missed this.”

I leaned in and rested my chin on his shoulder. “This is just so weird…I don’t know what to do with you when we’re not picking coconuts and stoking fires.”

He set his glass down on the bedside table. “I can think of quite a few things to do with you…and one of them includes stoking certain fires.” He grinned with a set of dark eyes.

I looked at him and smirked, feeling a jolt of excitement deep in my core.

Aidan reached into his pocket and pulled out a small, shiny, square package in the palm of his hand. “Just in case the moment strikes…” He laughed and tossed it to the nightstand.

I chuckled and cleared my throat, realizing how odd it was that we didn’t even need it anymore, and remembering that I still, very much, had to tell him the truth.

I took a long breath and turned on the bed to face him, hoping I might summon up the confidence in this moment. “Thank you for being so sweet to me ever since we’ve returned…” I began.

He smiled and leaned in to kiss me. “Of course, love. You mean the world to me.”

His lips stayed connected to mine as he began to trail his hand up and down my side.

“How do you think you’ll handle being away…in the future?” I asked into his lips, trying to move the conversation along.

His hand found my neck and his mouth began to travel there as well. “Let’s not talk about that right now…”

I let my head fall back as I felt his warm tongue trace the delicate skin just below my hairline. This was not the time for the talk, I was finding out. He was in a mood of a different kind, and I had to admit, behind all of my doubts and fears, I was too.

I traced my fingers up his torso, feeling his tight abs as I went. He was solid as a rock; a product of island life as well as his training before then. I breathed deeply, realizing that I was becoming feverish under his touch.

Sensing my wandering fingers, he pulled the shirt from his head and then rolled me over onto my back on the soft bed. He straddled me and looked down into my eyes, and I saw the love behind his expression. There was a sort of battle that raged between the darkness of his eyes when he was in this state, and the light, hazel depth that I could read so well when the sentimental, loving feelings were at the forefront of his mind.

I loved both sides of them, and to see them both so prevalent in his face at the same moment was something that sent me into a frenzy of need.  
  
I took his face in my hands and pulled him down into me, feeling his warm lips on mine, his arms bracing himself at my sides, and the entire length of his body pressed into the entire length of mine. Even through his jeans, I could feel that he was eager and ready, and I reached down and began to unbutton them.

We both lost our clothes quickly, and I briefly wondered if it was irresponsible of me to be so vulnerable again, without telling him that I was carrying his child, but we were both breathing so hard, and fully in the moment that I didn’t want to ruin it. We’d waited so long to give ourselves to each other without hesitation, and even though my lack of worry was different than his, I knew I couldn’t stop us now.

When he was poised and ready, he brought his hand to the side of my face. “You’re so beautiful…Colette…I love you…”

I looked deep into his eyes and then arched my head back in pleasure as we were once again joined, two souls connected by shared experiences, traumas, challenges, victories, and love. Our history and our future had it all. We weren’t done yet, and now, in at least some way, we never would be. For better or for worse, whether in love, or simply just in partnership, raising our future child, we were linked in a way that could never be broken. We never asked for any of this, but I knew that, at least for me, it was the most beautiful gift I’d been given, the value of sharing a piece of my life, whether large or small, with this man for the rest of my life.


	36. Depart

I slowly opened my eyes into the dim light of the morning as I sensed the bed shift underneath me. Soon, I felt Aidan’s warm presence behind me. He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me into his body as he kissed the back of my neck. “How did you sleep, love?” His warm breath on my skin set my hairs on end.

I grinned contentedly and closed my eyes again. I would never grow tired of hearing him call me that.

“Wonderfully…” I paused. “You?”

I felt incredibly well-rested. The exceptionally soft bed coupled with the satisfaction from the intimate, tender moments we’d shared last night had sent me into a deep and soothing sleep.

“Mhmm, it was glorious.” Aidan replied, kissing my shoulder and hugging me tighter from behind.

I loved the feeling of his arms around me. He hugged me like he never wanted to let go, and I felt so protect and loved. He provided a comfort to me that I felt deep in my core. It made me wonder why I was having so much trouble telling him the truth.

The situation wasn’t going to suddenly vanish. I couldn’t just sit on the truth and wait until it wasn’t necessary anymore. There was no other option but to tell him, and it needed to happen as soon as possible. It would be unfair to keep it from him for too long. It was his child too. It also wasn’t going to get any easier to tell him, the longer I waited. It would only become harder, and then I’d have the additional worry that he’d be angry at me for keeping it from him. But I couldn’t bear to picture his face and the reaction I knew he would have. I could almost see the fear and disappointment that would appear behind his eyes as he would try to be supportive and excited.

Was this delay in telling him my way of trying to protect him? The longer he was left out of the loop, the longer he remained in false peace. But it couldn’t last forever. I pictured myself, time after time, revealing the truth. Each imagined encounter was different, but each time, I struggled to get the words out, and each time, his reaction was conflicted.

I raised my hand to my forehead and rubbed the spot between my eyes. It was just too much. I couldn’t handle the stress.

Aidan sensed my tension and stroked my arm. “Are you alright? Something on your mind?”

I let out a sigh. I couldn’t lie to him and say no.

He pulled my shoulder gently and coaxed me to roll over and face him. After I tentatively did, I stared at his chest, not ready to look into his face, knowing that this might be my chance, right here, right now, to finally come clean.

“Colette, what’s wrong?” The tone of his voice had become concerned.

I barely knew how to start, so I thought for a moment, wracking my brain for a topic that could lead smoothly into the conversation.

“What do you miss most about the island?” I finally asked, still looking at his chest.

He sighed lightly. “Hmm…probably the simplicity and the meaningfulness. It’s almost impossible to replicate here. It was the hardest thing I’ve _ever_ done. But it was also the most rewarding and significant.” He paused. “What about you?”

I blinked slowly, focusing on the way the dark hairs on his chest gave way to the smooth skin on his neck. I was trying to distract myself from the inevitability of eventually having to look at his face. “I miss the innocence of it all. Just you and I…falling in love, figuring things out together.”

Aidan brushed his fingers across my hair. “What do you think it is about being here now that makes it feel less innocent? I, personally, still fall in love with you a little more every day.”

His words were so sweet, I couldn’t bear not to look at him. My eyes slowly rose to meet his and I saw that he was watching me intently.

I took a deep breath. “There is just a lot going on, a lot of unknowns, and so much more to juggle than just you and I, and our relationship.”

His brow furrowed slightly. “Well…let’s talk about those things; the unknowns and the things you’re feeling like you have to juggle.” He replied gently, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

I tried to blink slowly in an attempt to calm my heartrate. _How was I supposed to do this?_

I looked into his eyes and saw compassion and encouragement. His expression was so kind; so reassuring.

“I don’t know, like…” I paused nervously. “Our lives are so different from each other. We were in the same situation on the island. But now…how do we navigate our differences?”

Aidan took a deep breath. “Well, we focus on what’s the same. It’s still just you and I, in this together. That hasn’t changed.”

I swallowed. It _wasn’t_ just the two of us anymore though…

I opened my mouth to reply, but a loud buzz from across the room stopped me. It was a text on Aidan’s phone. I paused and looked at him to see if he was going to get up to check it.

He shook his head. “I’ll look at it later.” And then he focused intently on me again.

I touched his arm gently, trailing my finger mindlessly in a circle. “There’s just as much different as there is the same, though…and not just differences between our lifestyles. Differences now that we’re back in civilization…discovering things…”

He shifted in bed, propping himself up on his elbow. “Discovering what?” His eyebrows furrowed with interest.

But then his phone buzzed again, and he rolled his eyes. “Sorry…”

“Did you want to check it?” I asked.

“No, no…I’m sure it’s nothing.” He responded with his eyes intently on mine.

The distractions were making it harder to concentrate on what I had to say. I closed my eyes and regained my thoughts for a moment and then I took a deep breath. “Aidan…I really need to –“

A ringtone sounded loudly from Aidan’s phone across the room.

Aidan sighed and rolled his eyes, but his gaze finally met the phone on the table.

I let out the breath I’d been holding. I could see that the universe was, once again, against my attempt at revealing the truth. “Go on, you can get it.”

“Nah, I’ll let it go to voicemail.”

I sat up and ran my hand through my hair. “No, it could be important. You should get it.”

He grumbled, but got out of bed quickly. “I’m sorry, Colette.”

“It’s ok.” I said in a tiny voice as he picked up his phone.

I leaned my head against the headboard, accepting that the moment had passed, for now.

“Yeah, ok… _what_?” Aidan said into the phone. “An _hour_? That’s barely even…does it have to be so quickly?”

I watched him curiously, wondering what who he could possibly be talking to.

“Can it wait a day? Or even a few more hours?” He scratched his head and closed his eyes. Then he took a deep breath and sighed. “Yeah, alright, ok, I understand…yeah I’ll be there.”

Aidan’s back was turned to me as he placed the phone down on the table quietly. I watched him run his hand through his hair and then he turned to me with pained eyes.

My own expression grew worried as I watched him.

He ran his hand down his face and leaned against the table. He watched me for just a second more and then sighed. “I have to go to Dublin. There is additional paperwork that can only be filled out there, and it’s time sensitive…my flight boards in an hour.” His face was cautious for my response.

I sat forward and widened my eyes. “An _hour_?” I felt my chest tighten. “How?...What?...Can you even make it to the airport on time?”

He sighed. “I know, I have to leave literally _right now_.”

I took a deep breath and leaned back against the headboard. “There’s no way you can go later today or tomorrow? Why didn’t they give you any warning?”

Aidan frowned and walked over to his bag, grabbing a pair of clothes. “I have no idea. I’m a touch annoyed right now. My family is already here, you’re here, and now I’m going there. This is all a mess.”

I felt my heartrate begin to increase even more as I crawled to the edge of the bed and faced him. He was going to have to leave, right now, before I even had a chance to tell him about the baby. What a disaster.

“How long will you be gone?” I asked tentatively, watching his every move, wanting to reach out and touch him, to hold him here with me.

He pulled on a pair of jeans and buttoned them slowly. “Two or three days only, hopefully. I have a feeling I’ll need to stop over in London too, and meet with someone from the Poldark team…and figure out what’s going on there.”

I felt myself start to panic slightly. This really was goodbye for a few days. Much longer than our short time in the hospital. I wasn’t ready yet. I needed him here with me. I had wanted to tell him the truth…but I couldn’t now, knowing that he had to rush out so quickly.

He pulled on his shirt and zipped up his bag, and then he turned to me. His expression was apologetic and sorrowful. “I’m so sorry, Colette…this timing is…not ideal.”

I frowned and let my shoulders fall. I knew there was nothing I could do.

Aidan stepped towards me and extended his hands. His eyes watched me tentatively as I stood up and placed mine in his.

“If I could find some way to not go, I would.” He looked down at me carefully. “But, I’ll be back before you know it.”

I watched his eyes, sweet and tender, trying to reassure me.

“I can keep this room rented for you if you’d like.” He suggested.

I shook my head quickly. “No, no, I’ll go stay with my parents…they’ll be glad to have me.”

He smiled slightly. “I’ll text you when I get to my gate, and when I land, and then I’ll call you as soon as I have the chance. It’ll be sometime later this evening.”

We locked eyes for a moment; neither of us sure what to say. There was an unspoken sorrow in the air, and within both of our hearts. Aidan took my shoulders gently and pulled me into his chest, wrapping his arms around me tightly.

I breathed in his familiar scent and closed my eyes. I felt his chest rise and fall against my cheek as I tried to calm the emotions that were building up inside me. This was out of my hands. I had to let it be.

Aidan kissed the top of my head. “I’m sorry we had to cut our conversation short. I’m still really interested to hear your thoughts. Will it be alright if we continue on the phone tonight?”

I hesitated. I knew we couldn’t. I wasn’t going to deliver the news over the phone. But I nodded. We could still discuss other important topics. He didn’t have to know about the bomb I’d been about to drop.

We stood like that for another minute, before Aidan spoke quietly. “I have to go…”

“I know…” I replied quietly.

He took a deep breath and pulled himself away from me. His hazel eyes met mine with great sentiment. “I love you…so much.”

I almost felt my lower lip quiver, but I stopped it quickly, not wanting to make a scene. “I love you, Aidan.”

He leaned down and kissed me tenderly. I memorized the feeling of his lips against mine so that I could play the moment back in my mind for the next few days.

“You’ll be alright getting to your parents?” He asked when he finally broke the kiss. His eyes watched me cautiously.

“Yes, yes, I’ll be fine. I’ll call them and they’ll pick me up.” I stepped back from him and then gestured towards the door. “You need to go, or you’ll miss your flight.”

He took a deep breath and pressed his lips together, and then reached down to pick up his bag.

I walked him to the door. It was a slow, deliberate walk, as if neither of us wanted to take the steps. He opened the door and then he turned around one last time. “I’ll see you soon…” His eyes held an emotion that I could reciprocate entirely.

“Have a safe trip.” I tried to smile through the knot in my throat.

He leaned in again and kissed me quickly and then nodded, before stepping out of the room and closing the door behind him.

***

Hours later, I reclined on the plush sofa that resided in the small apartment that my parents had rented in order to stay near me for the first few months after my return. They still lived permanently in Wisconsin, where we were originally from, but they insisted on staying nearby for now. They knew I was ready to get my life started again, and I couldn’t do that in Wisconsin. My mother was baking a cherry pie in the kitchen and my father was out running errands while I tried to rest.

Rest wasn’t easy though. Aidan was currently far away on a plane without me, and if something was going to stress me out, it would be that. I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone, tapping the Messages icon and pulling up my correspondence with Aidan. Below the text I’d sent him in the hospital lobby, was the small exchange we’d had when he’d reached his gate this morning.

 _At my gate. Did your parents come get you yet? -A_

_They’re on their way. When do you board? -C_

_In about 30 seconds… -A_

_< 3 -C_

_I miss you already. -A_

_I missed you the moment you closed the door. -C_

_We’ll chat tonight. Boarding now. -A_

_Have a safe flight… I love you -C_

_I love you too -A_

I could barely wait until he landed and let me know that he was safe. I absolutely hated that I’d let him go without telling him about the baby. I’d waiting too long, and I kicked myself for that. I had _really_ planned to tell him earlier this morning. But as soon as he got the call and had barely the time for a goodbye, I couldn’t bring myself to lay that news on him without the opportunity for us to talk about it. Ultimately, waiting until he returned in a few days was the right choice.

My phone vibrated in my hand and my heart lurched for a second, but then I realized that it was nowhere near time for Aidan to land yet. I looked down and saw Lainey’s name.

_Hey! Whatcha up to? Can I come over and ask a thousand questions? ;) -L_

I smirked and typed my response.

_I’m at my parents’ apartment. Aidan had to go to Ireland suddenly…long story. Please come over… -C_

_What??? Oh man…I’m on my way. Text me the address. -L_

I sent her the address and then stared at the home screen of my phone. My eyes found the browser icon and I paused for a moment. I was insanely curious to see the news that had transpired after the plane had gone down and then the information that had been released about our return.

I took a deep breath and opened to the homepage. I typed in “Aidan Turner” and hit search. A long list of news articles appeared on the screen.

**Aidan Turner Missing: Onboard Flight NZ19**

**Poldark Star, Aidan Turner Presumed Dead, Among 203 Others**

**12 Bodies Unrecovered. Aidan Turner Among the Missing**

**Fans Gather to Mourn the Supposed Passing of Poldark Star, Aidan Turner**

I took a deep, shaking breath, and frowned…it was all so real. I imagined myself on the other side of the whole ordeal, mourning his loss. A lot of people had been affected, in countless ways.

My eyes scrolled down the page.

**BREAKING NEWS: Two survivors of Flight NZ19, One identified as Aidan Turner**

**Aidan Turner ALIVE: Found Stranded on South Pacific island**

**Australian Sailors Discover Two NZ19 Survivors, Poldark Star Aidan Turner and LA Local Colette Matthews**

I clicked on the last link. I was glad that Harrison and Jimmy were being recognized. We owed everything to them. I touched my stomach gently. Now that I knew I was carrying our child, I couldn’t allow myself to really truly wish we were still on the island. There could have been the possibility for a tragic outcome if that were the case. The health of the tiny soul growing inside me was my top priority now.

A photo of Aidan, one I recognized from an interview he’d been part of last fall, sat on the page next to a photo of myself. It was one my sister had taken on a vacation last year. My smiling, carefree face stared back at me from the screen. It contrasted the worry that fell across my expression now.

I scanned the article, which stated merely the facts about our rescue. I could tell that not a lot of details had surfaced yet. It had barely been 48 hours. I was sure Aidan’s agent was probably fielding lots of calls about interviews, and I knew they’d find me soon enough, but for now, they had the information from law enforcement to report.

I returned to the search results and scrolled a bit further, before my eyes were met by a paparazzi image from yesterday of Aidan and I, leaving the hospital, holding hands. It was odd to see the two of us, together, in a photo.

**NZ19 Survivors Aidan Turner and Colette Matthews: Is there more to their story?**

I clicked the link.

“Your favorite hunky dwarf, Hobbit star Aidan Turner is alive. Yes, you heard that right. On Wednesday, he was discovered alive on a remote South Pacific island with 28-year-old LA-based project manager, Colette Matthews. The two apparently survived last year’s Flight NZ19 crash and washed up on the island of Tikei, where they remained for almost four months. Sources tell us they got by on coconuts, fish, and birds, barely having enough water to keep them alive. But, miraculously, they survived. Now, they’re back, thanks to a pair of Australian sailors who saw their signal fire, and we have a thousand questions for them. What did they do with their time? How close were they to death? And why have they arrived back in the US, holding hands? Turner had been dating dancer Jane Alderidge before the crash. Have they called it quits? We need answers.”

I sighed. It was inevitable. Speculations were already there. This was just the beginning. What would happen when they found out I was pregnant? I rubbed my stomach again. At least that was my secret for now.

A knock at the door pulled me from my thoughts and I put the phone in my pocket.

“It’s Lainey, Mom, I got it.” I yelled towards the kitchen, and then opened the door.

Lainey flung her arms around me before I barely had a chance to catch a glimpse of her.

“Colette…I still can’t believe it…please, let’s chat. Tell me everything.” She grinned.

I led her to my room, and we sat down on the bed, cross-legged, facing each other like two giddy high schoolers.

“Ok, so first, why did Aidan have to suddenly go to Ireland?” She asked, with sympathetic eyes.

I sighed. “Apparently more paperwork about his return. He might stop in London too…” I paused, realizing again how sad I was about it. “He should be back in a couple of days though.”

She frowned. “That must be hard, to be apart after so much time, just the two of you.”

I hung my head. “You have no idea…we’ve become really close, Lainey…”

She was silent for a moment. “You like him a lot, don’t you?” She asked quietly.

I looked up at her with emotive eyes. “I _love_ him.”

She brought her hand to her mouth slowly. “Does he love you?”

I nodded as she watched me with disbelief. “It’s a different way of life, surviving with just one other person, being a team, and having nothing but time to just get to know each other. The connection we made…I can’t describe it. He saved my life multiple times, and I saved his too. It’s really unlike anything else, Lainey.”

She was silent, and I knew she was trying to process, so I continued.

“He’s so much more…so much more than I even knew before all this. He’s kind and sweet, hilarious and sincere. It just makes sense with us, or at least it did on the island. We actually truly want the same things in life, and we had so much fun together, despite the difficulties and dangers we faced.” I smiled, remembering it all.

“When did you fall in love?” She asked quietly.

I thought back through our journey, trying to place the events in a timeline. “Well, we kissed for the first time after a month. He told me he loved me for the first time another month after that. That would have been almost two months ago now.”

Lainey smiled. “That’s so beautiful, Colette. I can’t even imagine…I can’t believe it.”

“Neither can I.” I laughed emotionally. “It’s like some sort of crazy round-about fairytale.”

She laughed too, and then sat forward. “Ok, start at the beginning.”

I told her everything. Apart from certain intimate details and private moments that Aidan and I had shared, I recounted it all to Lainey. It took over two hours as she asked countless questions and we shared all of the laughs and sorrows. She was intent on it all and she was endlessly excited for me and my happiness at finding love with Aidan.

“You two are adorable together and I’ve barely even seen you with him. You’re so smitten…” She grinned.

I smiled. “I’ve literally never felt like this before. I feel like I can barely breathe without him next to me.” I frowned. “Maybe that’s unhealthy…but it’s the truth.”

Lainey scooted towards me. “I think you’ll eventually grow in your ability to be apart for periods of time. But you two were gone for a _long_ time. Right now, you guys are just so used to being joined at the hip, it’s natural that you’d have a hard time saying goodbye.”

I sighed again, thinking about what I hadn’t told Aidan yet. “Yeah, I wish there would have been more time to do so…”

“What do you mean?” Lainey asked. “Did you leave something unsaid?”

I peered up at her and contemplated my thoughts. Should I tell her? She was my very best friend, and I trusted her with absolutely everything. But was it fair for me to tell her before Aidan? I wouldn’t see him for days now, could I bare to keep it to myself that whole time? Could she provide some advice? I needed someone to confide in.

“I don’t know…yeah kinda…” I replied hesitantly.

“What is it?” She asked quietly.

The emotions I’d felt as Dr. Morris spoke with me began to sweep through my brain again, and I felt my lower lip begin to quiver. “I don’t know how he’ll react. It wasn’t supposed to happen…” I barely whispered.

She scooted closer. “What, Colette? What wasn’t supposed to happen?”

I looked up at her again as a tear left my eye. Her eyes were concerned, and the corners of her mouth dropped into a frown as she wondered what I would say.

I closed my eyes and took a small breath. I couldn’t look at her when I said it. I was too embarrassed.

“I’m pregnant.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're all staying safe and healthy out there! ❤️


	37. Visitor

“What…?” Lainey’s eyes grew wide and her mouth hung open as she stared at me in disbelief.

As soon as the words came from my lips, I regretted them. This wasn’t something I should have told her first. This was something Aidan deserved to hear, before anyone else. I knew it was so wrong of me, but at the same time, I felt like I was losing my mind with the whole situation. I needed to confide in someone. I let my head fall to my hands as the tears fell.

“Oh my God, Colette…” Lainey wrapped her arms around me as I cried. It was the first time I’d let myself cry since I’d been given the news at the hospital. It was almost as if a permanent knot had formed in my throat as I’d held back tears for the past almost 48 hours, but in this instant, I was finally able to let them go.

Lainey was quiet for a moment, and I knew she was in almost as much shock as I was. She rubbed my back gently as she held me.

“How long have you known?” She asked gently.

“The day before yesterday…at the hospital.” I sniffed and then sat back up and faced her, wiping my nose.

Her eyes were still wide, and her expression only confirmed the fact that this really was _big_. This was lifechanging. I felt myself sob again.

“What does Aidan think?” She asked breathlessly.

I brought my hands to my forehead again, embarrassed. “He doesn’t know yet…” I moaned.

“You haven’t told him?” Her voice was stunned.

“I know, I know…” I groaned. “This is all such a mess…I should have told him first, but I just…I don’t know how to handle this…”

Lainey took a deep breath and placed her hand on my back again. “Why haven’t you told him? Do you think he’ll react badly?” She asked gently.

I looked at her with pained eyes. “No, it’s practically the opposite. He won’t be angry. He’ll have the textbook response. He’ll be cautious but optimistic. The problem is, I don’t know if it’ll be the truth.” I looked at her with desperation. “I don’t know how to _be_ with him, outside of our island. It was all so right and perfect there…now he’s…well you know who he is and how his life goes. I don’t know if I fit into that lifestyle, and I don’t know if he’ll care to fit into mine.”

She furrowed her brow. “Has he given you reason to think he won’t want to stay with you now that you’re back?”

I groaned again. “No…he’s been perfectly wonderful. I have no excuses. I’m just a mess…”

She leaned forward slightly. “Well, yeah you _are_ pregnant. You’re allowed to be a mess.” Her voice held a touch of humor.

I almost smiled, but then hung my head back, trying to clear my eyes. “Unfortunately, I can’t use that as justification. I’ve always had this problem, doubting him this whole time…with Jane, with how he’d feel about me once we were rescued. And now this…I can’t handle it all. He doesn’t deserve these doubts I have about him.”

She was silent for a moment before speaking again. “You need to tell him, Colette.”

I closed my eyes. “I know…I almost told him this morning. I was literally just about to…barely words away, and then the call came in about his flight. He had to leave immediately. I couldn’t bring myself to lay the news on him and then not be able to talk about it…”

Lainey took a deep breath, and I could tell she was trying to figure out how to give the right advice to my situation. “How far along are you?”

“Barely five weeks.” I replied quietly.

“Wow, that’s super new then…”

“I know.” I replied sadly. “It’s very early…but he should have known the day I found out. This is very much my fault.”

“I’m sure it’s equally his fault.” She laughed slightly.

I rolled my eyes at her. “No, I mean the not telling him part. That’s my fault. I’m going to figure out how to do it the moment he gets back.”

Lainey seemed to be pondering something. “I know it’s like, none of my business, but, so did you have no protection on the island? From none of the suitcases?”

I sighed. “No, none.” I looked up at her. “But…and I know this isn’t an excuse…but we were _careful_ …I mean, we literally only did it _twice_ … and he…well, _you know_ …” I eyed her nervously, hoping she understood my implication.

“Well, we all know that’s not fool-proof.” She half smiled.

“I know…” I sighed. “And we knew that…but, you’re on an island with someone you love to the depths of your heart, and you’re there, day after day, having no idea if you’ll be rescued, or if you’ll die, or if you’ll just live there together forever. There comes a time or two when you just can’t hold yourselves back anymore.” I paused. “It’s hard to explain.”

“No, no, I understand.” Lainey said softly. “Love eventually boils over…and I don’t think anyone is faulting either of you for that.”

“Someone is going to…” I scoffed. “It’s gonna be all over the media. ‘Look what Aidan and Colette spent their time doing on that island.’ ‘How irresponsible of them.’” I used air quotes as I mimicked future news stories.

“Whatever.” Lainey waved my comments off. “Don’t pay any mind to what they say. _You_ know what really happened there, and so does Aidan. This doesn’t sound like it was some short-lived fling. This is a real, deep connection that has resulted in a new life that’s growing inside you.” She paused. “And that’s why you need to tell Aidan as soon as you can. He knows what the two of you have, he loves you dearly, and he’s the one who is going to support you and be with you through this. This isn’t something that you should feel ashamed of. The two of you made the decision together to take the risk, and you’re both going to bring this beautiful consequence into the world. It’s really quite sweet if you think about it.”

I watched her as the kind and well-thought words flowed so smoothly from her mouth. She was right. There shouldn’t be any guilt on my side. We were equally responsible, and neither of us should resent the other for the consequence.

“I’m not ready for this…for raising a child…Lainey. I can’t do this.” I frowned, feeling the tears well up again.

She took my hands in hers. “Yes, you can.” Her eyes were confident. “Colette, I know you. I’ve known you for…how many years now?” She paused. “A lot of years…You’re responsible, you’re nurturing, you’re motivated. You’re more mature than most 28-year-olds I know.”

I took a deep breath and rubbed my forehead. “My brain feels like it’s about to explode…”

Suddenly, my phone buzzed in my pocket. My heart leapt, and I pulled it out quickly.

_Just landed. Flight was fine. I miss you like crazy. -A_

I pressed my lips together as I smiled and wiped a tear from my eye.

“Is that Aidan?” Lainey asked.

I nodded, still smiling. “Yeah, he just landed.”

I let out my breath, relieved that he was safe for now, and typed a response.

_Felt more like 10 years than 10 hours. I’m so glad you made it safely. -C_

_It’s almost midnight here, but my agent still wants to meet with me briefly. Should be able to call you in a couple hours. -A_

_I’ll be here. Good luck with that. -C_

_Thanks love, cheers <3 -A_

I silently set my phone down next to me on the bed and looked back at Lainey.

She watched me curiously for a moment. “I still can’t believe you’re going to have a baby…How have you been feeling?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “Not all that different actually. I’ve barely even been nauseous. Maybe a bit more tired though.”

“So, I’m the only one who knows?”

“You, and the doctor…” I replied. “And no one else will know until I tell Aidan.” I sighed and flopped back onto the bed. “How _do_ I tell Aidan?

Lainey took my hand and pulled me back up into a seated position. She met my gaze intentionally. “You love him. He loves you. You may be delivering news that will change his life forever, but, Colette, it’s a beautiful thing you’re telling him. It’s happened already. You can’t change that. You’re not telling him about a mistake you made, you’re telling him about a precious surprise that the two of you will navigate together.” Her eyes were sincere. “Think about how you’ll grow in your relationship through this. Sure, it’s going to be tough…insanely tough…but think about all of the wonderful moments in your future…”

I smiled in response to her words, but then I frowned again. “I just don’t want him to stay with me just because of the baby. He shouldn’t feel forced.”

“Well, tell him that then.” She replied. “He has every right to be part of the just baby’s life and not yours. That’s his choice. But, Colette, I really think he wants to be with you. The way I’ve seen him look at you, and the way you describe your relationship, that man loves you a whole lot. I think he’ll be, on some level, eager for this new journey with you. Aren’t you?”

I sighed. “Yeah, I mean, if he really truly does want to be with me, then yes, raising a child with him could be really wonderful. It’s not what we planned or expected, but it could be beautiful.”

Lainey placed her hand on my shoulder. “Colette…you’ve gotta stop with the ‘ifs.’ Open your heart, let yourself be vulnerable. If you keep doubting him and worrying about how he feels, you’ll never truly let yourself experience the security of a deep and real love. You have to let yourself fall, without a net, and let him catch you.”

I closed my eyes and breathed deeply. Her words touched a place in my heart that had been longing for comfort. They were exactly what I needed to hear, and I tucked them away gently into a place where I’d access them again, when Aidan returned to me.

***

Later that evening, after Lainey had gone home, I’d sat down with my parents for a home-cooked dinner. The amount of food and the vast array of options was still a shock to me. My stomach was smaller after months on the island, but I partook in as much of my mother’s delicious cooking as I could, saving room for her cherry pie at the end.

As I took my last bite, enjoying the tangy sweetness, I felt the familiar buzz of my phone in my pocket, except, this time, it was accompanied by a ringing.

Aidan.

I looked up at my parents, who smiled at me encouragingly.

I grinned and pushed my chair out. “I’ll be back in a bit.”

I could barely get to my room fast enough. I felt like a teenage girl, waiting for her first crush to finally call. Aidan could send butterflies to my stomach even from five thousand miles away.

Sitting down on my bed, I pressed the phone to my ear. “Hello?”

“Colette…”

His voice was like honey; soothing to my ears and comforting to my soul.

“Aidan…I miss you.” I breathed.

“I know, love, it’s been a long day.” He sighed.

It was strange, hearing his voice over the phone. It was lower, and not quite as clear, but it was him, and I closed my eyes, enjoying the sound.

“How was the flight? And your meeting with your agent?” I asked.

“Both fine. The photographers and reporters are insane right now though. I’m eager for things to calm again.” He paused. “How was your day?”

“Lainey came over.” I replied. “It was really nice to catch up.”

“I’m so glad you haven’t been alone.” Aidan said quietly.

“Did you find anything out about Poldark?” I asked curiously.

He sighed. “It had been postponed. They were trying to figure out if they were going to cancel it or replace the role of Ross. After I finish signing this time-sensitive legal paperwork first thing in the morning, I’m going to be flying to London tomorrow for a meeting with production. I’m quite eager to hear the new plans.”

I breathed cautiously, not sure how long he’d need to be there. “And then what will you have to do after that?”

He responded quickly. “I’m not doing anything after that. I’m coming back to you. They’ll try to get me to stay for more meetings, I’m sure, but I already booked my flight. I land at LAX at 2pm, the day after tomorrow.”

My heart fluttered. _The day after tomorrow_. I could wait that long. That was doable. But then my stomach fluttered in response to my heart. The day after tomorrow, I’d be telling Aidan that he would be a father. The father of our child. My heart beat faster, but I responded breathlessly. “I can’t wait to see you again.”

“I’m kind of surprising myself.” He replied. “I’ve literally never missed anyone this much…what have you done to me, Colette?” He laughed.

I grinned from ear to ear. “Apparently the same thing you’ve done to me.”

“I just want to get back to see you…” His voice was quiet.

“Where are you now, exactly? A hotel?” I asked.

“No, I’m at my home.”

I smiled. “So, it’s still there, still yours?”

“Yes, my parents had barely touched it yet. It’s very much like it was when I left.” I could hear the gratefulness in his voice.

“I’m eager to see it.” I responded happily.

“Oh, I can’t wait to get you over here. I have so many things I’d love to show you.” He paused. “I’m so excited about our future, Colette…”

I swallowed. Our future was not what he imagined in this moment.

“So, earlier…” He began. “You were trying to tell me about some…discoveries you’ve made since we returned?”

My heart leapt. That was right, I still hadn’t come up with something to cover up my initial topic of conversation this morning. “Oh, um, yeah, I mean, I just feel like, we’re realizing that…that we will have to learn how to be apart sometimes…”

I squeezed my eyes shut and grimaced. He hadn’t even received the call to go to Ireland before I’d brought up the conversation this morning…it made no sense to say that was what I’d been thinking about. I pressed my hand to my forehead, scolding myself internally for my bad attempt at ad-libbing.

Aidan was quiet for a moment, and I felt like maybe he sensed the disconnect too.

“Well…yeah, that’s gonna happen, and obviously, this first time is very difficult, for both of us.” He paused and took a breath. “But, it’s going to be our reality, at least for a little while. We’ll have phone calls, and we’ll have Skype. I think we can make it work.”

“Yeah, I know.” I replied quietly.

“Are you worried that we’ll grow apart?” He asked. “Because, I can assure you, I won’t let that happen. You’re my priority. Everything else comes second.”

“Aidan…” My voice was sympathetic. “Your acting is your passion. I never want to step in the way of that. I understand that, and I’m ok with it.”

“Just because it is my passion doesn’t mean it should come first. But yes, I love it, and even after all that’s transpired in the last few months, and all of the new realizations that I’ve had about my life, I still very much want to continue my career and see where I can take it. But it will never be more important than you.”

I closed my eyes. I wanted him to continue to do what he loved, and I was fully prepared to support him, no matter how hard it might be to miss him for periods of time. It was a sacrifice I knew I’d have to make, from the first time we’d kissed on that quiet beach, when a thousand deafening thoughts had run through my head.

Aidan yawned. “I have to be up in less than four hours. I wish I could keep talking with you but…”

I interrupted him. “Oh, Aidan, I’m sorry. I had no idea. Yes, please go get some sleep. We’ll talk again tomorrow?”

“Yes, of course. I’ll keep you updated on my whereabouts and we’ll chat again probably in the evening.”

We were both silent for a moment and then Aidan spoke again, quiet and low. “This is the first time, literally since we’ve known one other, that we won’t be sleeping next to each other…”

I frowned. He was right. I wasn’t sure how I’d be able to fall asleep without the calming sound of his breathing next to me, or his warm and protective arms around me.

I sighed. “I’ll be there with you in spirit.”

“As I will be with you…”

I could almost picture his soft, caramel eyes, staring into mine, as he said the words. He was here with me, in my heart, and I’d never let go.

“I love you…sleep well.” I said quietly.

“Sleep well, my love…” He replied, from five thousand miles away, but somehow, he was also here, comforting me with the presence of his words.

***

The next day, the paparazzi found out where I lived.

I woke up to my parents peering nervously between the curtains. We were on the third floor of our apartment complex, so no one could see directly into our windows, but we could look down at the dozen or so photographers and reporters who were hoping they might catch me for a few questions or photos if I left.

“I guess, I’m staying in for now.” I sighed, sitting down on the sofa.

“Probably for the best.” My mother replied, patting my shoulder. “Your dad and I are going to do a bit of grocery shopping though. Will you be alright on your own?”

I smiled. “I’ll be fine. I need to call my boss and sort some things out.”

She picked up her purse and smiled, following my father towards the door. “Alright, well, text me if you need anything. We’ll be back in a bit.”

A half hour later, I was in the kitchen, making myself a sandwich, still stunned by the amount of options every time I opened the fridge. I’d spoken with my boss, who had assured me that they would love to have me rejoin the team when I was ready. I’d quickly informed him that I’d be ready to start on Monday, but he’d encouraged me to take at least a week to sort out the other aspects of my return first. He was right, I had to find a place to live and also figure out how to deal with the public interest that would be following me around for the next bit of time. But I just wanted to return to some normalcy as quickly as possible, and I also needed to resume a steady income. It wasn’t just myself that I needed to support now. Soon, I’d have someone small and precious depending on me.

Aidan had texted me a few times this morning. He had finished signing his legal paperwork, and he’d made the short flight from Dublin to London. At the moment, he was meeting with the producers of Poldark, learning what the future might hold for him there.

It was an interesting feeling for me, realizing that he would likely be filming the third season, maybe sometime later in the year, and I’d have access to all of the little details and intricacies of the filming. It was a show that I loved so much, despite Aidan being in it, and to be so close to the process for this next season was something that made me quite excited. I wondered if they’d start shooting before the baby was due. I imagined that many of the other actors had taken on other roles in Aidan’s absence, and it would probably be difficult to line up their schedules for quite a while.

I sat down at the table with my plate and picked up my sandwich, feeling quite hungry. But just before it touched my mouth, there was a knock at the door.

I furrowed my brow. We’d been assured by an officer this morning that the reporters and photographers were legally not allowed to come to our door, so I wondered who it was. I immediately thought of Lainey and hoped she’d come to chat some more.

I set down my sandwich and walked quickly to the door. Turning the handle slowly, I pulled the door open just a crack and peered out into the hallway.

My eyes first landed on a pair of nude-colored heels. Lainey almost never wore heels. And then my eyes traveled up a perfect pair of dancer’s legs, passed by a familiar Coach purse, and finally landed on the face of the person I expected to see the least, and the person I wanted to forget about the most.

“Hi Colette.” Jane smiled friendly at me as I stared at her through the barely cracked door.

My mouth hung open for a second before I pulled the door wider. “Oh, um, hi. I, uh…do you need something?” I had no idea what to say to her. I never had expected her to seek me out like this.

She shifted her purse to the other arm. “I just wondered if we could chat?”

I tilted my head tentatively. “About what?”

She still smiled, showing no signs of malice. “Just a couple of things. I’d say we could go get a coffee or something, but it’s a bit crazy down there.” She gestured down the stairs towards the front door of the apartment building.

I looked at the stairs and then back at her.

“Is Aidan around?” Jane asked.

“Not at the moment.” I responded, though, now, more than ever, I really wished he was.

She smiled again. “It’s just a couple of quick things, really. Could I come in?”

I swallowed. She was pretty forward to invite herself into my parents’ home, but I unwillingly stepped aside so that she could walk past me.

“This is a cute little place.” She remarked as she walked through the entryway and then made herself at home on the sofa in the small living room.

I took a deep breath and shut the door before following her and sitting in a chair across the room.

I clasped my hands together in front of me as I watched her. Her dark hair fell in soft waves today, and the expression on her face regarded me with a kind curiosity that I barely believed was genuine.

“So, um, what did you want to talk about?” I asked, trying to break the silence.

She set her purse down next to her. “I just wanted to hear your side of the story.”

I touched my chest. “ _My_ side?”

“Yes.” She replied simply.

I regarded her with confusion. “What about my side would be different than Aidan’s?”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if quite a bit of it was.” Jane sat perfectly still.

I blinked my eyes, not sure what she was getting at. “What specifically do you want to know?”

Her eyes never left mine. “When Aidan told you that he wanted to break things off with me, did he say it was because of something _I_ did?”

I furrowed my brow. This was getting personal, and I didn’t want to get into the middle of their drama. “Um, he, uh, said there were incompatibilities, I think?”

“But he said they were my fault, right?” She encouraged.

I looked around the room nervously, wondering what kind of response she was looking for. “I don’t…think so. I mean, he just said you didn’t want a lot of the same things.”

“But he wants the same things as you, right?” She replied swiftly, looking at me directly.

Our eyes met for a moment, and I started to see what she was getting at. “Well, many things, yes…” My response was tentative.

“Mhmm.” She took a breath. “And he’ll do whatever it takes to make things work, and you’ll be his top priority, right?”

My breathing was shallow as I remembered our conversation the previous night on the phone, when he’d told me exactly that. I stared at Jane, not saying anything.

Her face was a mix of sympathy and amusement as she watched me put the pieces together. “Look, I’m just giving you the facts. He said the same things to me, Colette, and look where that led.”

I squinted my eyes slightly, trying to make her disappear in front of me. I didn’t want to hear this.

“Don’t worry, I’m done with him.” She continued. “So, he’s all yours…I’m not gonna swoop back in and steal him…I don’t do that.” She looked at me pointedly, and I felt the sting of her accusation. But then she continued. “I just thought you deserved to hear that bit of information. It sounds like he’s taking you on the same loop he took me.”

“It’s not like that with us…” I frowned, watching as she tucked her perfect hair behind her perfect ear.

“Sure, you can look at it any way you want.” She replied, standing up. “But, don’t say I didn’t warn you. Remember, I’ve been through it. _I_ should know, right?” She paused as she started to walk to the door. “Just don’t let yourself get too comfortable. You might be blindsided like I was.”

Jane smiled once more at me before placing her hand on the door handle.

I hesitated for a moment and then stood up slowly to face her.

“Anyways…” She said cheerfully, opening the door. “I’m glad you made it home safely. It was nice meeting you, Colette.” She grinned, and her bright green eyes sparkled. She stepped through the door quickly and then shut it behind her.

I stared at the closed door, wondering what train wreck had just happened in front of me, and what effect it was bound to have on the beautiful trust I had for Aidan, that had finally begun to bloom inside my heart.


	38. Truth

The next afternoon, I was lying on my parents’ sofa, staring at the ceiling, trying to bring my heartrate down to a normal speed. It was 2:45pm. Aidan had texted me forty-five minutes ago to let me know he’d landed safely in LA. I’d wanted to meet him at the airport, but he’d told me not to. He didn’t want me to have to deal with the paparazzi that would likely be there. He was now on his way to me and would be arriving any minute now. I kept glancing at the door, wondering if he might be behind it. The last few days had further confirmed how deeply I felt for him. I missed him more than I missed rain when we’d been stranded and thirsty. This short separation was almost over for us. He was so close now. I could almost hear my heart through my chest.

 _Today_ , I’d told myself. Today I would tell him about the baby. I wouldn’t hesitate any longer. He deserved to know. He _needed_ to know. _I_ needed him to know too. I was exhausted from stressing about it alone. Everything Lainey had said to me, about letting go of my doubts and my insecurities and really trusting him, made sense to me. I knew, on a deeper level, that I’d have to allow myself to do that if we were to ever progress further in our relationship. I wanted to be on that level with him; to know that there was nothing held back between us, and to know that his feelings for me were as true as mine were for him.

I took a deep breath, remembering that it wouldn’t be that easy. Jane’s words from yesterday played through my mind once again. I’d tried, since then, to push them from my thoughts, but they remained in a very active part of my brain, where I couldn’t manage to forget them. A smirk had touched her face as she’d said them, and it made me question her intentions, but nonetheless, they’d raised my walls a slight bit again. It was true; she’d known Aidan longer than I had, and she’d been through many of the situations that I was just now starting to experience with him. I didn’t doubt that she was hurt by his decision to part ways with her, but for some reason, she’d chosen to seek me out and ‘warn’ me about him. How much truth was in her words?

I could barely believe that Aidan would lie to me about the way he felt about me. I never interpreted his words as lies, but sometimes I did question whether he embellished them due to the passion of a new relationship. And, unfortunately, that was exactly what Jane had implied yesterday when she visited.

I closed my eyes. _No_. I wouldn’t let my doubts eat away at me again. At least not right now. I knew what Aidan and I had, and it felt real, it felt right, and it felt true. I’d cling to that today as I navigated the storm of emotions that was on the horizon.

A soft knock on the door caused my eyes to fly open and I shot up from the sofa. All attempts at slowing my heartrate were tossed out the window in that instant as I rushed to the door as fast as humanly possible.

I threw it open with unnecessary force as my eyes were hungry for the sight of him. And there he was, in a crisp, white t-shirt, with his leather bag resting over his shoulder and his perfect, oh so perfect, dark curls hanging onto his forehead.

A crooked smile was plastered on his face as we made eye contact and I leapt towards him and flung my arms around his neck in one, swift motion, knocking him a half step backwards.

I buried my head in his shoulder and his hands found my back and my hair, holding me to him tightly. He smelled divine; like a mix of earthy wood, vanilla bourbon, and fresh, crisp waters. It was an intoxicating embrace of desperation and of euphoria as all of the feelings of deep love came flooding back to my mind, amplified by his presence.

He took my face in his hands and his honey eyes met mine with emotion before he kissed me deeply and passionately. His lips and his body pressed into mine, pushing me backwards through the door and into the apartment as he dropped his bag and closed the door behind him with his foot.

Still not a word had been spoken between us as our kiss grew deeper and his hands grabbed my waist. He pushed me into the wall next to the door, pinning me there as his urgent lips moved against mine. I felt his chest rising and falling heavily against mine as his hands moved up and down my sides, tracing the curves of my waist with need.

I was locked to him, tasting him, taking him into my senses, making up for the last three days of lost time. I wanted to touch every inch of him and commit it back to my memory. It was amazing what absence could do in the presence of a desperate love like we shared.

Finally, he broke the kiss and rested his forehead against mine. He parted his lips to speak for the first time. “I missed you so much…”

I traced my fingers through the curls than fell around the back of his neck. “Me too…” I breathed.

“I truly don’t know what you’ve done to me.” He half chuckled.

I looked up into his eyes as he pulled back, and I grinned widely. “How did everything go?”

He squeezed my waist affectionately. “It went well. We’ll talk about it soon.” His face became mischievous. “But right now, I have a surprise for you. Are you up for a drive?”

I raised my eyebrows. “A surprise?”

He grinned and nodded.

“Do I get to know what this surprise is?” I asked.

“It wouldn’t be a surprise then.” His eyes crinkled in amusement.

“Do I need to prepare for this?” I laughed.

Aidan chuckled. “Nope, but I think you’ll be pleased.”

I eyed him curiously, but stepped away to grab my phone and my purse and then followed him out the door. I’d wanted to tell him about the baby immediately, but now I didn’t want to ruin his surprise. In perfect honestly, I was appreciative for another excuse to hold off a bit longer.

“It’s a bit busy right outside the door. Just stay close to me.” He spoke over his shoulder as we made our way down the stairs.

Right before opening the front door, Aidan took my hand in his and held it tightly. Outside, cameras flashed, and reporters yelled. There looked to be about twenty of them; a few more than yesterday. They’d probably gotten word that Aidan was back. I leaned into his arm as we made our way through the crowd, ignoring the pestering questions. I wondered how long we’d disregard them. Eventually, we’d have to tell our story. But an uncontrolled environment like this was not the place.

At the edge of the crowd stood two women holding out pens and printed photos towards Aidan. They politely asked if he would sign their photos, and he stopped briefly, autographing them quickly, and smiling at each of them. It was an interesting experience, watching him interact with his fans. Thinking back to the days before I’d met him, I would have been absolutely ecstatic to experience just mere seconds with him in an interaction such as the one these women just had. But I could hardly believe where I was now, knowing him more than I could have ever fathomed.

Aidan led me to a shiny black BMW as the reporters followed us close behind. He opened the passenger door for me to climb in, and then walked quickly around to the driver’s side. When he got in and shut his door, he started the engine.

“You’re driving?” I asked. For some reason, I had expected to be chauffeured again. “Is this your car?”

He smiled as he put the car in reverse and backed out of the parking spot, careful not to run anyone over. “It’s a rental. But I felt like this might be more fun than an Uber today.”

I grinned, looking around at the spotless and sleek interior. I was eager for these moments where it was just the two of us, on the open road, wherever he was planning on taking me. It was a new adventure with him, and I couldn’t wait.

He pulled smoothly out onto the street and accelerated up to speed with the rest of traffic. I could already tell he had a skill for driving and that he enjoyed it, as he relaxed back into his seat, donned a pair of sunglasses, and gripped the wheel confidently.

I watched him navigate the lanes and the turns with ease, and I wondered how often he drove in general, and even more specifically, in the US. “Is it difficult for you to…drive here in the States, on the other side of the road?” I asked.

He smiled. “It takes more concentration, but I’ve done it enough now that it’s become muscle memory. In the beginning, I couldn’t even have a conversation with any passengers because I’d be so focused on turning into the right lane.” He laughed.

I smirked. “I’m impressed.”

“Do you like to drive?” He asked.

“Not in LA traffic.” I scoffed. “But yeah, it can be fun in less congested areas.”

I looked behind me, seeing if any reporters had followed us. “Did we lose them?”

He laughed. “Yeah, they’re long gone now. It’s just us.”

I relaxed into my seat and looked out my window, trying to figure out which way we were headed. “So, where are you taking me?”

“Nope.” He grinned. “You’ll find out soon enough.”

I crossed my arms and smiled. “Ok, Mr. Spontaneity.”

“It’s not spontaneous for me.” He replied. “I’ve been planning this for a few days now.”

“Well, color me intrigued.” I answered, noticing from the signs that we were headed north.

“So, I have some exciting news from the Poldark team.” He changed the subject and I watched a smile form on his face.

“Oh, what’s that?” I asked.

“The third series is a go.”

I clasped my hands together excitedly. “Oh, that’s wonderful Aidan! Everyone is onboard?”

“Yep.” He replied cheerfully. “Filming starts next month.”

My heart dropped. “Next month?” My voice was suddenly less excited.

“Yes, it works out for everyone, and I know, it’s soon…but I have some ideas on how we’ll make this work.” He replied.

“How long will filming last?” I asked, tentatively.

“Seven or eight months. But I suspect the last month will be the most intensive for me, as we wrap things up, reshooting and filling in the holes…but that’s likely almost 9 months from now. We won’t have to worry about that for a while.”

I swallowed. I didn’t even need to do the math. I was eight months from my due date. This would not line up well.

Aidan sensed my worried reaction. “You can even come visit for periods of time. You can come on set and see how it’s done. You’d like that, right?” He glanced at me briefly.

I stared out at the road in front of us. “Yeah, that would be really nice.” I tried to add interest to my voice, because I really was excited, it was just the timing that worried me.

“We’ll figure it out.” He said gently, reaching over and grabbing my hand.

I looked up at him. “Oh, of course we will. I’m very excited for you to get back to it. Really, I am.”

“We’ll still have a whole month to figure out the details of when we’ll visit each other.” He continued encouragingly.

I tapped my finger on my knee nervously. I needed to tell him, badly. I could barely contribute to this conversation without knowing that we were on the same page. I took a deep breath and looked out the window, hoping we were getting close to our destination. We had crossed through downtown and we were now on our way up into the hills and mountains, weaving on small roads between both large and small homes, all set back from the street.

“Where _are_ you taking me?” I asked again, curiously.

“Just a minute…” He replied, leaning forward and squinting at the numbers on the mailboxes as we drove by. “It should be…yes…ah, there it is.” He slowed down and pulled into a narrow driveway that led to a gate. He stopped alongside a keypad and entered a code which caused the gate to slide open.

I furrowed my brow and studied the driveway in front of us as he climbed the winding hill. Finally, from behind the trees, a tall, modern home came into view. It was a deep taupe color, with simple, large, glass windows and a staircase that led around the left side of the garage to the front door.

Aidan pulled up to the garage and turned off the car, and then he removed his sunglasses and sat back in his seat, turning to face me with a grin.

I watched him with bewilderment, waiting for his explanation. “What’s this? Who lives here?”

“I do.” He grinned.

I tilted my head in confusion. “I thought you had an apartment in LA and that it was no longer yours?”

He continued to smile. “That’s correct. I _did_ have an apartment. But now I have a house.”

My eyes widened and I looked back at the large home in front of us. “What? When did you…?”

“It’s just rented, for now. But, if we like it, maybe I’ll buy it someday.” He replied.

One of the words that came from his mouth struck me in a special way that made me think twice and look at him again. “ _We_?”

An eager grin formed on his face. “Well, if you like it, I was hoping you’d like to live here too.”

My jaw dropped slightly. Was he really asking me to move in with him? I breathed carefully, barely believing it. A gesture such as asking me to live with him was more than anything I could have expected in our situation and especially with the unique future ahead of us.

“Really?” I replied, still wide-eyed, but beginning to smile uncontrollably.

“I know, it’s not the mountains of Colorado…but it _is_ the hills of LA.” He smiled. “I’d very much like it if you’d stay here with me, Colette. Of course, I’ll be gone for some periods, but it would be yours alone during those times, and it would make me happy to know that you were content here…”

 _He remembered my dreams of Colorado_ … My breathing was shallow and labored all at once as I watched him with emotional eyes. “I don’t even know what to say…”

His eyes grew sweeter by the minute as he watched me come to the realization of what he was truly asking. I had never wanted anything more. The thought of sharing a home with him was a dream I’d imagined for the future, when maybe he would feel ready, but it turned out, he was there already, on the same emotional level as me.

“I…of course, Aidan. I would love to…” I grinned and almost began to feel a tear well in my eye.

He reached over to my lap and took my hand in his. “Really?”

He phrased it as though he really wasn’t sure I would say yes.

“Yes…oh my goodness, yes. I just…I didn’t think you would have done something like this.” I watched him excitedly.

He smirked. “Well, I mean, we’ve technically been living together for the last three and a half months. But, this place will hopefully provide a few more amenities than our cave did…a kitchen, a bathroom…a bed…” He gestured towards the house.

My cheeks began to ache from smiling so much as I leaned across the car to kiss him, but just before my lips touched his, I stopped and looked deeply and intently into his eyes. “I love you…so, so much.”

“I love you…” He closed the distance and kissed me with a fierce tenderness; a passionate love and a gentle affection combined into the perfect moment.

Eventually, he broke the kiss and squeezed my hand gently. “So, do you want to see it?” He asked, leaning back and opening his door.

I nodded excitedly.

He chuckled and we both stepped out of the car. He took my hand again as we reached the steps and then we began to climb.

“So, have you even seen it yet?” I asked.

“Just photos. I had someone come take a look at it and then I signed the papers electronically. It’s just a lease, so I took the risk, but it really seemed perfect.” He responded as his hand gripped mine tightly.

“I like how tucked away it is.” I looked around at the trees that surrounded the property. It was situated in a way that we couldn’t see any neighbors.

“I agree. And wait until you see the view from the living room.” He grinned as we stepped up to the front door. “It’s fully furnished, but we can change out whatever we want.” He assured me.

I laughed. This was already more than I’d ever expected. I knew that the style of furnishings would have no negative impact on the memories that would be made here. “I’m sure everything will be perfect.” I reassured him.

Aidan pulled a key from his pocket and slid it into the lock, opening the door into the cool, air-conditioned foyer. We stepped inside and I immediately noticed how high the ceilings were. Light colored walls and large floor-to-ceiling windows also made it feel very open and airy. Beyond the windows was an endless array of trees and a view across cascading, green hills.

“This is gorgeous…” I breathed, as we stepped through the living room and into the kitchen.

Crisp, white quartz countertops spanned over earthy, grey cabinets. I traced my fingers across the smooth surface and stopped at the six-burner gas stove cooktop. I imagined the meals that we would soon cook here.

“This beats a wood skewer and an open fire any day.” I laughed.

I heard Aidan chuckle as he snuck behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. “There’s a firepit in the back. We can reminisce a bit.” He kissed my shoulder gently.

“I’d like that.” I smiled, and then I looked around at the details and expensive finishes that surrounded me. I would never in my wildest dreams be able to afford a place like this. I instantly felt guilty, knowing that I would not be able to contribute my half of the rent.

“Aidan…” I began. “This place is beautiful…and lavish…but what I have the means to contribute won’t be very-“

“No, no.” He interrupted me, spinning me around to face him. “I’ve invited you to live with me, but you don’t need to worry about any of that.”

I tilted my head and looked at him cautiously. “Aidan, I’m not going to live here rent-free. I have a job. That would be unfair.”

He smiled warmly and sighed. “Well, having you here, with me, is all I’m asking for, but I can understand how you feel. You can decide if, and how much you’d like to contribute. But, just know that it isn’t necessary.”

I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled myself to him. “It _is_ necessary…for my own conscience, and also because part of the time, you won’t even be here. I can’t just freeload like that.” I laughed.

Aidan nodded and grinned, leaning in to kiss me. “Shall we see the rest of the house?”

“Yes, please.” I smirked into his lips.

We made our way down the hallway, past two guest bedrooms and a bathroom, and then Aidan pushed open a set of French doors into what appeared to be the master bedroom. A large, white king-sized bed, set in front of a tall, upholstered headboard, was the centerpiece of the room. More floor-to-ceiling windows filled the far wall, with a view onto the same mountains, and a sliding door led out to a quaint balcony.

To the left was a private bathroom, with double sinks, a soaking tub, and a large shower with a rain shower head hanging from the ceiling.

“Ok, yeah I could live here…” I laughed, taking it all in.

Aidan walked over to me and wrapped his arms around my shoulders, pulling me into his chest. I didn’t hesitate as I sunk into him. I could tell that he craved my touch just as much as I craved his. And it wasn’t just a need for sexual intimacy. His eyes hadn’t grown dark. They were still a fascinating, light amber-green as he’d gazed at me. It was pure love in his expression, and I knew that he really did want me here with him.

My mind flashed back to Jane’s words as Aidan embraced me. Could he possibly be embellishing all of these outward emotions and actions of his? They were all so believable. I felt incredibly loved and needed by him. There was no way he could make this kind of love up. They would be some top-notch acting skills if he did.

I frowned into his shirt. He _was_ an actor.

Momentarily, I worried, but then I shook my head slightly and stepped away from him. I took his hand in mine and pulled him to sit down next to me on the bed.

He smiled and ran his fingers over my knuckles gently. “I’m so excited about what’s to come for us and our future.”

I took a deep breath and shifted on the bed to face him. I felt the nerves bubble up in my stomach again, but I knew I had another topic to cover first before delivering the big news to him.

“Aidan, Jane came to visit me yesterday.” I let the words flow from my mouth quickly, before my mind had a chance to second guess them, like it often did.

Aidan’s brow furrowed and he leaned back, surprised. “What?”

I sighed. “Yeah…”

He turned his body further towards me and his expression was worried. “How did she find you? What did she want?”

“Well, I assume she found me through the reporters that found me first.”

He watched me carefully and nodded.

I swallowed and held his eye contact, even though I desperately wanted to look away. “She um…well…she came to…I guess, warn me about you.”

Aidan took a deep breath and pulled his eyebrows together, before closing his eyes completely for a brief moment. “I’m sorry, Colette…I should have known she’d do something like that. I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”

“It’s alright, she wasn’t outright rude to me. But she did say some things that made me think.” I replied tentatively, barely believing I was being so open and honest with him in this moment. My current demeanor was a good sign for the confidence I’d need shortly.

Aidan took both my hands in his. “What did she say?” His expression was sympathetic.

“She told me…” I paused and sighed. “She told me that I need to be careful, because apparently you told her a lot of the same things you’ve said to me, and she feels very betrayed by that. She warned me not to get too comfortable, for fear that you’d eventually turn from me too.”

Aidan sighed. “As much as Jane would like to think that what we had was profound, that’s just not the truth.” He paused. “We had a lot of fun in the beginning, and words were said and emotions got the best of us, but in reality, and looking back, that relationship was so surface-level. I may not have seen it then, but I see it now.”

I watched him carefully as he explained himself, trying to sense the truth in his words. “But, you _did_ tell her that she was your number one priority?”

Aidan furrowed his brow. “Probably, at some point…but she probably was at that time.”

I looked down at the bed, unsure of how to respond.

Aidan squeezed my hand. “So, if I’m understand correctly, Jane has told you that just because I said those things to her, and then changed my mind, that means I’m going to do the same to you?”

I looked up at him cautiously. “I guess, yeah, pretty much.”

He took a deep breath and searched for his words for a moment. “I suppose…that could happen to anyone, right? People fall in and out of love…or lust, and we can’t control it sometimes. But just because it happens with one person, doesn’t mean that it will happen again with the next. I didn’t lie to Jane when I told her that. And I didn’t lie to you either.” He watched me carefully. “What I _can_ tell you, is that the feelings I have for you, deep inside my heart, are infinitely more profound than those I had for Jane when I said the same words to her. There have been so many intimate conversations I’ve shared with you, that I never shared with her. There is a connection between you and I that I can’t quite explain, and I think you are the only other person on this planet who understands that. We’ve been through something intense together, Colette. It’s a different level with us, and sadly, the same words I used with Jane, are the ones that fit with you, but now, they mean _so much more_. I promise you that.”

I took a deep breath and smiled gently at him. I heard Lainey’s words in the back of my mind. To fall truly and deeply into the love I craved, I needed to let myself plunge into a genuine trust. 

“I believe you.” I replied quietly.

He placed his hand on my cheek. “I’m sorry that Jane placed those doubts in your head. And I’m sorry that they’ll probably stick around there for a while there. But thank you, so much, for speaking to me about them. I know it’s difficult for you.” He smiled sincerely. “I’m really, really glad you didn’t hold them inside. You can tell me anything…”

My chest rose and fell as he spoke, and I felt a knot forming in my throat.

“Colette…” He continued. “Knowing what is in your mind and your heart is the greatest gift to me. I want to know all of you, and I want you to be comfortable telling me everything, because we’re in this together, no matter what.”

My bottom lip began to tremble, and I closed my eyes as a tear dripped down onto the crisp, white duvet.

Aidan ran his hand up my arm. “Hey…are you alright?” His voice held a gentle worry.

I shook my head no, not looking up at him.

“Colette, what’s wrong? Have I said something?” His voice was more urgent now.

I brought my hand to my mouth and tried to hold my tears back from becoming sobs. “No, no…it’s what I _haven’t_ said…”

Aidan scooted closer to me, still rubbing my arm. “What is it?”

Another tear dripped from my eye as I raised my gaze to meet his with great difficulty. “I’m sorry I haven’t told you yet…but I just couldn’t…”

His hazel eyes watched mine with worry and confusion, waiting to see what I had to say. “Colette, love…what couldn’t you tell me?”

It was as if time froze in the instant that I let the words fall from my mouth. It was a significant point in time, with two very different realities at odds at each other. Innocence proceeded, and uncertainty followed.

“I’m…pregnant.”

His eyes never left mine as I watched my words sink in. His expression barely changed as he sat perfectly still, clearly at a loss for comprehension.

I wondered if I needed to say it again, but then, his eyebrows pulled up and together in tender disbelief.

“Really?” Was all he could say. It was barely a whisper.

I wiped another tear from my cheek as it fell, and nodded.

Aidan’s chest began to rise and fall heavily as he processed the news. I knew I had to give him the time he needed to fully grasp the situation. His eyes were cautious as I could tell he was trying to understand his emotions.

“How….how long have you known?” His words were breathless.

“Since the hospital…that’s why they kept me.” I paused. “I’m so sorry…so sorry I didn’t tell you right away…I just…”

“How far along are you?” He asked, still watching me with a shocked expression. I wasn’t even sure he’d blinked yet.

“Five weeks…” I paused and frowned. “It was the night we tried the lift…”

Aidan’s gaze finally broke from mine as looked into a faraway place as if remembering the evening. “I was so careful…” He whispered.

I could tell he was about to head down a path of self-guilt, and that was NOT where I wanted this conversation to go, so I placed my hand on his arm. “You were…we both were…but things happen…this happened…”

He swallowed and looked at me again. His face had become slightly whiter with shock. “The doctors were sure?”

I nodded, recognizing the denial stage of his surprise. I’d been through it myself. “Yes, it’s true.”

He furrowed his brow. “But…how could they know this early? You haven’t had any symptoms…” He looked at me suddenly. “You haven’t had any symptoms, have you?”

I took a deep breath. “Blood tests apparently can indicate pregnancy in as little as a few weeks. And, no I’ve barely had any symptoms.”

“But you’ve had some?” He asked.

I tilted my head back and forth. “Maybe the tiniest bit of aversion to some smells, and I’ve been more emotional…but nothing alarming.”

He took a deep breath and his fearful eyes gazed deeply into mine. “I can’t even believe it…”

“I know…I barely believe it yet either…Aidan, I’m so sorry it took me so long to tell you. It was wrong of me…”

He touched my shoulder affectionately and scooted closer yet again, shaking his head. “No, no, it’s ok, Colette. But I can’t imagine how this must have weighed on you…you shouldn’t have had to go through these last few days alone…and then I left you…” Realization dawned on him. “Was this what you were trying to tell me that morning in the hotel?”

I nodded.

He shook his head. “I’m so, so sorry, love…” And then his eyes dropped to my stomach, which, at five weeks, looked just as flat as it ever had been.

He reached over and placed his hand gently there and then leaned his forehead against mine. “I can’t believe it…” His voice was barely a whisper.

I closed my eyes as I felt the warmth of his skin against my head and the warmth of his hand on my abdomen. “I’m sorry for the stress that this will place on you. Please know that I don’t expect anything from you if you don’t want…”

He leaned back and looked at me with bewildered eyes. “What do you mean? Of course I’ll be here to support you through all of it, and then with…the baby…” He swallowed. “Our baby…”

I took a deep and shaking breath and then Aidan took the side of my face in his hand. “Did you think I’d walk away?”

I frowned. “No, not exactly…but I don’t want you to stay just because you _have_ to…” I closed my eyes. There, I’d said it finally.

Aidan wiped a stray tear from my cheek as I opened my eyes again. “Colette…” His eyes met mine with a seriousness. “I love you. I love you more than I knew it was possible to love someone. I’m not going anywhere, and that’s not because of any obligation I might have. It’s because I don’t _want_ to go anywhere. I want to be with you, and experience life together.” He paused and ran his fingers across my stomach. “Life’s just gotten more complicated, but it’s also gotten more beautiful, and we’re going to figure this out together. I wouldn’t want to navigate this with anyone else.”

I swallowed and nodded, making a conscious decision to believe his words again. It felt good to make that choice. Doubt was painful. Doubt was sticky. Trust was freeing. Trust was true comfort.

I watched as Aidan stared down at my stomach and then back up at me. The edges of his eyes had grown slightly wet with emotion. “Our child…”

Another tear dropped from my eye as I smiled and nodded back at him. I placed my hand over his gently.

Aidan’s eyes searched mine and I saw that his shock was being replaced by tender joy. He leaned in and his soft lips touched mine affectionately.

Then he let out a long breath. “My God…think if we were still back on the island…” He shook his head and then placed his hand on my arm. “Come, here, love…”

He pulled me gently down with him onto the bed and cradled me in his arms. I rested my head on his shoulder as he stroked my hair.

“We’re going to figure this out…” He repeated gently, and I could tell he was trying to convince himself too.

I closed my eyes and evened my breathing. I’d stressed over this moment for days now, and to have it behind me was the biggest weight lifted from my shoulders. I wasn’t facing it alone anymore. We were a team, just as we’d been on the island, and we’d venture into this new journey, unsure of what lied ahead, but confident that we could face anything, as long as we had each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was one of my favorite chapters to write so far. I love the sappy stuff...🥰
> 
> Hope you're all staying safe and healthy!


	39. Comfort

Aidan’s fingers traced gently through my hair as we laid together on the lavish, white bed, in the gorgeous new home that we now called ours.

I could barely believe I’d finally told him the truth. It was just moments later, but my heartrate was still elevated as I rested in his arms, and I could feel myself starting to shake slightly; an aftershock to the nerves I had pent up for this conversation.

Aidan stroked my arm. “You’re shaking, love…are you alright?”

I took a deep breath, embarrassed by my body’s inability to calm itself. “Yeah, I’m not sure why…I’ve finally told you now…but I think my nerves are still stressed.”

He turned his head towards me. “You really were terrified to tell me, weren’t you?”

I sighed. “Can you blame me?”

“I just feel awful that you’ve been shouldering all of this on your own for these last few days.” He replied sadly.

“Well, I did tell Lainey…” My response was quiet, wondering if he’d be angry with me.

“And what did she say?” He asked simply.

“That I should tell you.” A frown quickly formed on my face. “I was just so hesitant, because I didn’t know how you’d respond. You just have so many big dreams and so much ahead of you…”

“So do you.” He replied. “Priorities will change for both of us, but that doesn’t mean we have to let go of our dreams. And, did you think that waiting to tell me was going to change that?”

I traced my fingers across his chest and the white t-shirt that covered it. “No, I don’t know, I was just nervous. Just…I don’t was you to let this get in the way of your shooting schedule for Poldark. I know how much that project means to you. I’ll be fine here…”

He was silent for a moment, and I knew he was weighing the situation in his head. I was more than capable of taking care of myself here, and I hoped that he could still put effort into the role without worrying about me.

I watched his chest rise and fall slowly before my eyes, and I spoke again, deciding to shift the subject slightly. “I still can’t believe it…we really had so much restraint on that island…we only lost it twice…the odds were-”

“The odds were there.” He interrupted gently. “And we took that risk.” He sighed. “Now we face the results. Have you told your parents yet?”

I propped myself up on my elbow and looked at him. My shaking had reduced slightly in the presence of Aidan’s calm demeanor. “No, just you and Lainey. And I would have preferred to not have told her before you, but you were away, and I couldn’t bear it anymore.” I frowned.

He peered up at me. “I understand…it’s ok.”

I furrowed my brow. He was taking this all so well, I actually wished he would show a bit more worry, or fear, or even anger to match what I felt in my heart. I sighed. “It’s not ok, though. Aidan…you’re too good to me. You’ve been so wonderful this whole time, and I’ve struggled internally to truly trust you. I should have felt comfortable enough to tell you right away. This baby is just as much yours as it is mine. It was incredibly disrespectful of me to keep it from you.”

Aidan pushed himself up into a seated position and rested his back against the headboard. He studied me carefully. “Do you wish I was angry with you?” His face held a pained curiosity.

I hung my head. I didn’t want him to be angry at _me_ , but I wanted to see his humanity, to know that he was struggling the same way that I was.

When I didn’t respond, he took a deep breath and sighed. “I’m not angry with you, Colette. But I am sad that you didn’t tell me right away. I feel some responsibility for not showing you that you could be comfortable doing so.”

I closed my eyes and breathed heavily. “Aidan…please, don’t.”

“Don’t what?” His voice was low.

I brought my hand to my forehead. I hated that I was practically spurring an argument from nothing. But I was so furious with myself for the way I’d neglected to respect and trust him up until now, and I hated that he was still blaming himself. 

I set my jaw. “Don’t blame yourself for my inability to just ‘man-up’ and tell you this right away. Don’t blame yourself for my inability to fully trust and respect you, after all you’ve done for me. That’s on me. I need to be held accountable.” I chose not to look at him as I felt the emotions boiling inside me. Every emotion, both positive and negative, lately, had been amplified by my condition. It was exhausting.

“Ok.” Aidan replied slowly. “You’re right.”

I swallowed and raised my gaze to him.

He was watching me with his eyebrows pulled together. “Yes, you should have told me, right away. That would have been the correct and respectful thing to do.”

I frowned, but he continued with a steady voice. “And yes, I’ve done my very best to prove to you that I’m not going anywhere, and that you can trust me, and that…I love you.” He paused and sighed. “Yeah, it’s frustrating sometimes when you continue to doubt me…I can see it in your eyes…and I feel helpless to convince you.” His gaze met mine with sorrow. “But I’m not angry with you, Colette. How could I be angry with you? You’re not doing these things to spite me. You’re working through them, and I have to let you figure out that journey. All I can do is wait patiently for you.”

I watched him intently as he spoke. His honesty about his frustrations was comforting, but he still managed to sweeten it in the end with his gentle understanding. He knew how to love me in the purest way.

I held eye contact for a moment and then slowly rose to my knees and climbed over onto him, straddling him and sinking into his lap. His gaze never left mine as his hands found my back and stroked it gently, and then I leaned into his chest and snaked my arms around him. I laid my head on his shoulder and felt his arms wrap around me in return.

We stayed like that for a while, not saying a word, but choosing, instead, to be in the moment with each other. This man, the father of my unborn child, was so perfect for me in so many ways. Never had I imagined someone would grant me such grace for my shortcomings and my mistakes in a relationship. His patience was unmatched.

As I rested my head on his shoulder and felt his slow and even breathing, I began to think about our future; both the immediate and the distant. Since I was barely a few weeks along, I didn’t even really feel pregnant yet, but soon, my stomach would grow, appointments would be scheduled, stress would ensue. Then, I’d have the labor and delivery to worry about, and the unknowns that came with that. And those were just the uncertainties of the next eight months. After that, there was a lifetime of challenges as I would discover how to nurture and raise this child. How would Aidan and I parent together? What kind of father would he be? Would our relationship stand the test of time? Would we grow apart and have to split time with our child? There were so many unknowns.

I felt my chest tense again as reality overtook my emotions. “I’m so scared…” I whispered.

Aidan’s hand found my hair and he held my head close to him. “I know, love, so am I.”

“I’m not ready for this…” My eyes started to well up again. “I’m not prepared…I don’t know how, I don’t know what to expect…”

Aidan lifted my head from his shoulder and looked at me. His eyes were kind, but I could see the anxiousness behind them. He took a deep breath. “Do you think anyone is ever _really_ ready?”

“ _I_ think so…” I sighed. “Couples who have planned and discussed and prepared…that’s not us.” I frowned. “We were just finally about to start real life together…”

Aidan studied me for a moment before he spoke. “You know what I think?” His voice was gentle.

I watched him expectantly.

“I think we’ve already experienced the truest version of life together. The version where we had no distractions or obligations to get in the way. And now, yes, I’d been looking forward to just the two of us, navigating our normal routines together, but instead, we have a different challenge to face.” His eyes became emotional. “I’m terrified, Colette…I really am. I know I’ve always wanted to be a father someday, but not like this. I always imagined building my life a certain way before thinking about a child. But the thing is, I really don’t think anyone is ever really ready. We’re all just certain degrees of unprepared.”

I traced my fingers across the collar of his shirt, considering his words. “At least we’re unprepared together.” I looked up at him again and sighed. “When will you tell your parents?”

“As soon as you tell yours.” He replied quietly.

I slumped my shoulders. While I knew they wouldn’t be angry or disappointed, they’d surely be worried. “I’ll tell them this weekend. I need a minute to just take it all in with you first.”

He smiled gently. “Well, maybe we can start with getting you moved in here?”

I grinned again at the idea of living with him in this beautiful home. “I’d like that.”

***

Later that evening, Aidan and I were laying on the sofa in our living room. We’d just finished a movie and a pizza we’d had delivered. It was such a normal evening by most standards, and it was a sweet and comforting feeling to just enjoy time with him, despite the strange beginning we’d experienced, and the uncertainties of our future. It was like we were in limbo, between two extremes, and we wanted to enjoy a bit of normalcy while we could.

We’d spent the afternoon bringing some of my personal belongings over to the house and stocking the refrigerator and cupboards with the intent do some cooking together. But, after all of that, we were exhausted and ended up just ordering pizza. It was refreshing to not have to work for our meals.

Aidan was stretched out on the sofa and I laid gently on his chest, running my fingers through his hair like I knew so well how to do. The feeling of his body underneath mine, muscular and firm, was beginning to put me in a certain kind of mood. His eyes were closed as I smoothed a dark curl from his forehead, and then I leaned in and placed a soft kiss on his unexpecting lips. I felt them smile beneath mine and he opened his eyes to look at me.

“What are we going to do with all of our time now that we don’t have to climb trees, build fires, and hunt for our food?” He asked humorously.

“I can think of a few things…” I replied, running my fingers down his chest and onto his lower abdomen.

His breath hitched slightly in response to my touch. “Mmm…has your influx of new hormones got you feeling a certain way?”

I smiled and slid my hands under his shirt and traced them across his warm skin. “I think _you’re_ the one who’s got me feeling a certain way…”

He smiled and placed his hands on my waist. “Well, whatever it is, I’m glad to oblige.”

I pushed his shirt up his chest and began to kiss the soft hair there. “I want all of you…all to myself.” I whispered.

“I’m all yours, darlin’.” He replied in a low, sultry voice as he sat up slowly and tugged his shirt over his head.

And then he pulled me further onto his lap and his lips met mine with urgency. I wrapped my legs around him tightly and tucked my fingers into his hair, holding him close to me. I could feel, against a part of me that wanted him so badly, that he wanted me too, and I grinned into his kiss. I’d been worried that the reality of pregnancy might have a negative effect on the frequency or intensity of our moods like this, but here we were, less than twelve hours after I’d broken the news to him, and we still couldn’t get enough of each other.

He grasped the hem of my shirt and pulled it over my head and I caught sight of his gaze before he kissed me again. His eyes had become deep molasses; endless and eager. His fingers began gentle touches down the bare skin of my torso, but soon became more urgent and intentional as they gripped my hips tighter and held me close as I unconsciously began to move against him.

A low growl erupted from his throat as he trailed his hot mouth across my cheek and onto my neck. A sigh escaped me as I let my head fall back in response to his lips on my skin. His touch was glorious and familiar, yet it still stunned me each time how amazing he could make me feel.

My sighs must have triggered a decision inside of him, because, suddenly, his lips found mine again and he wrapped his arms tightly around my legs as he stood up from the sofa. I clung to him and continued our needy, open-mouthed kisses as he carried me to our bedroom. I ran my hands down his strong arms, which gripped me tightly, holding my weight as he entered the room. As his legs found the bed, he lowered me slowly onto the soft duvet and followed me down with his own body.

He was breathing hard as I looked up into his eyes. He slowly removed the rest of my clothing, and then his, never breaking my gaze. It was as if he was taking in my reaction to his every move, gauging my response to his touch. And I couldn’t break my eyes from his either. The love I felt for this man had exponentially grown as the events of the last few days had unfolded. It wasn’t just a physical need I felt for him, it was something much deeper. It was certain now, that we had an entire lifetime of connection ahead of us, in one way or another, and there was something beautiful and sentimental about the thought. I wanted to know all of him; his body, mind, and soul. And somehow, they were all connected in moments like this.

He traced his fingers across the curves of my body, at a painstakingly slow pace, and I felt my body rise to try to meet him.

A sly smile crossed his face as he saw my impatience. “Maybe I want _all_ of you too, and maybe I want to linger in some places longer than others…”

His hands traveled down my chest, brushing sensitive places and causing a sound to escape from my mouth.

“Maybe here…or here…” His fingers traveled lower, to the place I wanted him most, and I closed my eyes and sighed again.

His touch began as a tease, and I could barely handle the torment. I almost reached up to pull him down onto me, but then his touch became more intentional and I instead gripped the duvet and let my head fall back.

I grew closer and closer, until I thought he might not stop. But I wanted all of him; I wanted to feel him, and I wanted him to feel me.

“Aidan…please…” I pleaded with the little bit of breath I had left.

He didn’t hesitate at my plea. His fingers left, and he lowered his body onto me as his lips found mine.

“You’re so sexy…” He whispered in my ear as I felt him again, fully within me.

Slow was no longer in his vocabulary or in his actions this time as we made love so passionately and hungrily the new knowledge of our future ahead of us. His movements were possessive and desperate as he sent us both to the edge.

We were both so pent up with emotion and longing, as we’d been apart for days, that it didn’t take long before we were both panting and gripping each other as we rode the waves of mutual pleasure back down to earth.

Aidan collapsed onto me and kissed lazily down my neck. My chest rose and fell against the weight of him and I pushed his sweaty curls from his forehead and touched the stubble on his cheek affectionately.

“Here’s to a lot more of that without having to worry anymore.” I chuckled breathlessly.

He rose to his elbows and smiled before kissing me gently. “You can’t get any more pregnant than you already are.”

“I don’t know, I wouldn’t put it past you…” I grinned, running my thumb along his jaw.

His eyes crinkled as he smirked back. His breathing was slowly returning to normal. “I love you, Colette, and as nervous as I am about what’s ahead, I can’t wait to do it all with you…and I can’t wait to meet the little him or her that we’ve created from our love.” He pushed himself up from me and then leaned down to kiss my stomach gently.

I took his hand in mine as he laid down next to me, and then I rolled into his chest and kissed it softly. “I hope he or she has your compassion…and your hair.” I giggled.

I felt a low chuckle rumble through his chest. “As long as they’re as sweet and bright as you are…”

I sighed contentedly, letting my brain wander to the future, eager for all of the small joys that surely laid before us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A sweet...and steamy...one for you all today. I think we need a little bit of this during the stressful times we're all experiencing. Thank you all so much for your wonderful support ❤️❤️❤️


	40. Host

I was floating.

My body rose and fell, again and again, like a memory. Each swell, only to be replaced by a descent back to the start.

Slowly, my eyes opened, and I saw vast blue skies above me. Small, white, puffy clouds passed over my head.

I felt myself sit up, almost against my own will, and at first, all I could see around me was water.

The sea.

I looked down and immediately recognized the bright yellow lifeboat, surging up and down with the waves. Where was I?

My heart dropped and I spun around quickly, feeling the sticky plastic creak beneath my weight.

My eyes soon landed on the sandy shoreline behind me, spotted with bright green palm trees, waving in the wind. They grew smaller with each second, as my boat was pulled out to sea by the strong current.

And then the pain hit.

I cried out as I grabbed my stomach, and then I gasped, because this was not my stomach – at least not in the state I’d known just moments ago. I looked down again and saw that my abdomen protruded as if I was at the end of my pregnancy, a full nine months along.

My eyes were wide and terrified as I groaned in pain and watched the waves carry me further from the shore. The agony seared through me, from my pelvis to my back, as I breathed heavily and looked around frantically. Why was I back at our island? Why was I suddenly going into labor? And why was I drifting out to sea all alone?

I squinted at the shoreline in a panic, and then I saw him. Aidan stood at the edge of the water, holding his arms out towards me desperately, but I was too far out for him even try to swim to me. I could hear his yelling in the distance; his low and panicked voice, calling out my name.

I scrambled to the edge of the boat, still clutching my stomach and extended my other arm out towards him, completely horrified.

“AIDAN!....” I yelled desperately. “AIDAN…HELP….AIDAN!”

But it was no use. His figure became smaller and smaller in the distance and his voice grew softer and softer. The pain increased without pause and I could feel myself slipping away from reality.

“AIDAN...” I called again through moans. “AIDAN! NO! PLEASE HELP!”

And then there was a hand on my shoulder, and I felt my consciousness shift from the soft rocking of the boat to a steady, motionless, more forgiving surface beneath me.

“Colette…” Aidan’s familiar voice spoke gently from a much closer proximity. “Colette…you’re dreaming…wake up, love…”

My head tossed back and forth as the pain receded from my mind as quickly as it had arrived.

“Aidan…Aidan…” I breathed heavily, still halfway inside my nightmare; still helpless to regain control of my voice.

“Shhhh…it’s ok, love.” Aidan cooed from beside me, and pushed the misplaced strands of hair from my face.

I opened my eyes and saw the white ceiling in the dark of our bedroom, and then my hand immediately flew down to my stomach, expecting to feel more there than I remembered. But it was as flat as it had ever been, and I let out an exasperated sigh.

“I’m here, Colette, I’m here…you’re safe…” His whisper came gently next to my ear and I turned my head in his direction.

His eyes were worried as he watched me wake up, and as soon as I saw his face, a wave of emotions coursed through me and I felt the tears begin to flow.

I grasped his shirt and pulled myself into his chest. “It was awful…I was going into labor…at the island…I was drifting away…but you were too far away…” My explanation came between sobs.

“Oh, Colette…it’s ok…I’m here…it was just a dream…” He wrapped his arms tightly around me and pressed his lips firmly onto my forehead. “It was just a dream…” He repeated.

“I was so scared…” I clung to him as my breathing slowed.

“I’m not going to let anything happen to you…I’m right here…” His voice brought immense comfort to my heart as I finally came back to reality.

It had been less than a week since I’d told him about the baby, and we’d just begun to feel like we’d settled into our new home together. I was finally used to sleeping next to him in a bed, and it was a wonderful feeling. I slept so soundly under the protection of the quiet home that surrounded us, and under the protection of his presence beside me. Thoughts of our island had begun to move to deeper, less prevalent parts of my brain as we became used to our new reality.

Now, I was shocked that my brain had fabricated such a horrible nightmare so suddenly. I definitely still had an immense fear of being separated from him.

I sniffed and pulled my head away from Aidan’s chest. He reached up and brushed a tear from my cheek.

“I’ve never seen you have a nightmare before…are you alright?” He asked gently.

“Yeah, I’m fine…” I sighed, rolling over onto my back and staring blankly at the ceiling. “That was just weird…”

Aidan took my hand in his. “Well, you’re under a lot of mental stress right now about the pregnancy, so I’m not terribly surprised.”

“The worst part was that you weren’t with me.” I replied quietly.

“I’m right here…I’m not going anywhere.” He squeezed my hand gently.

“I know…” I closed my eyes tentatively, clinging to his hand and hoping that sleep might find me again, but praying that the terrors of my nightmare wouldn’t.

***

  
The next afternoon, I sat at the counter in our kitchen, watching Aidan on the other side at his computer, tending to some communications with the Poldark production team, planning the next few months.

I watched him as he typed away, his face illuminated by the screen. Every once in a while, his tongue would escape the corner of his mouth as his eyebrows pulled together, intent on something he was writing.

I grinned. I didn’t think I’d ever grow tired of admiring him.

My phone buzzed from nearby on the counter and I glanced at it briefly, seeing a random number appear on the screen. I’d gotten countless calls a day from various reporters and news stations, asking for an interview about my experience on the island. But Aidan and I had discussed the potential options regarding the release of our story, and agreed that we needed to wait for the right outlet – one that would tell our story accurately and respectfully. His agent’s team was sorting through the requests for a reliable option, and so we sat back and ignored the calls for now.

Aidan glanced up at my phone and then back at his computer. “Another one, huh?”

I sighed. “Yeah, they must be passing my number around without a care.”

“Welcome to fame…” Aidan replied flatly.

I rested my chin in my hand and studied the way his curls were slicked back across his head today. He reminded me a bit of Mitchell, and I blinked, drinking him in with my eyes.

“So…” Aidan said, sitting back and then catching me watching him. He grinned and tilted his head. “Don’t you have anything better to do than stare at me?”

I smirked. “Nope.”

His grin widened and then he looked back at his computer. “My filming schedule is finally official. I’ve talked them down to just about six months. That puts me back here just before you’re due. It’ll be tight, but I think we’ll make it work.”

“And you were able to convince them without telling them the reason?” I asked.

“For now, yes. But eventually, they’ll know, and they’ll understand my reasoning better.” He replied and looked pointedly at me. “We talked about you coming to visit, maybe twice, do you still feel like that’s something you’d like to do?”

I sat forward in my chair. “Yes, please…”

He smiled, studying the screen. “So, I’m thinking maybe you could visit during months two and four of filming? You think you could work remote for full months at a time?”

I nodded. “Yeah, I think so. I’ll talk to my boss about it. I don’t foresee any issue.”

“Ok.” Aidan replied. “Well, that puts me there alone for four of the six months, but there may be a few days that I can return here briefly.”

I took a deep breath, mentally preparing myself to be distanced from him for weeks on end. It was our new reality, and I had to accept it. This reality was a lot better than others which could have presented themselves.

Aidan frowned at me. “I know, it won’t be easy, and I’m truly sorry for that. We can map out which specific days I might be able to return, if you’d like.”

I pushed myself up from my seat and walked around the counter and opened a cupboard, pulling out two bowls and mixing spoon. “Nope. Let’s not talk about it right now. I’m making cookies.”

“Cookies, eh?” Aidan asked from behind me.

I rolled my eyes. “Or biscuits…whatever you call them.”

He chuckled. “What kind?”

I reached into another cupboard and pulled out flour, sugar, salt, baking soda, vanilla extract and chocolate chips. “Chocolate chip. Do you like that kind?”

“Mmm, I do.” He replied, closing his laptop and leaning forward onto his elbows.

I set the oven to preheat and reached into the refrigerator, pulling out eggs and butter. I spread everything out on the counter and began measuring sugar into one of the bowls. It was a recipe I’d been making for years, and I had it completely memorized.

I slowly looked up at Aidan as I cracked an egg skillfully. He was grinning at me.

“What?” I smirked back.

“You’re cute.” He replied. “Can I help?”

I raised my eyebrows. “Do you bake much?”

He stood up from his chair and came to stand next to me. “Not really, but I’m a quick learner.”

I pushed the other bowl towards him and handed him a measuring cup. “We need three cups of flour.”

He took it and measured out level cupfuls while I worked on stirring the wet ingredients together. I stepped slightly away from him along the large counter, giving room for his right elbow to work, but as soon as I did, he stepped towards me so that his right side was pressed into my left. I instructed him on the rest of the dry ingredients and then took a small step again, grinning, and then he followed me once more, exaggerating the movement of his elbow into my mixing space, teasingly.

I smirked. “Got enough room, there?”

I looked up at the side of his face and saw that he was grinning deviously. He knew exactly what he was doing. I cast my hip to the left, nudging him playfully.

He laughed and then turned to me. “Hey, can you look at this real quick?”

I set my spoon down and looked over at him, but just as quickly as I did, he lifted his finger, covered in white flour, and swiftly brushed it across my nose, leaving a trail of powder there.

I opened my mouth in disbelief as I watched his smug face, and without breaking eye contact, I dipped my finger into the bowl of flour and then swiped it across his cheek.

He didn’t even flinch as his eyes crinkled and he grinned widely. He took the same finger that touched my nose and wiped it across my chin.

I blinked and stepped back. “Hey…” I chuckled, reaching out again towards him, but he grabbed my hand before I could, and pulled me into him, meeting my lips firmly with his.

I smiled into his kiss and intertwined my fingers with his. “The flour is meant to stay _in_ the bowl.”

“I believe you need to follow that rule as well, darlin’.” He beamed, taking a clean finger and wiping the flour clear from my nose and chin.

I brushed the flour from his cheek and planted a quick kiss there before turning back to the counter. “Ok, so, once you have all of the dry ingredients mixed, you can pour them slowly into my bowl.”

“Aye aye, Captain.” He answered smartly, and slowly added the contents of his bowl to mine while I mixed.

I smirked at his playfulness as I stirred the batter together. I loved that such simple tasks were made fun by his presence and his positive attitude. Oh, how I’d miss him when he was gone.

“Ok, now for the chocolate chips.” I said, tearing open the bag and dumping a generous amount onto the batter.

Aidan immediately reached into the bowl and grabbed a few, popping them into his mouth.

I pushed his arm gently. “Hey, Sir…leave some for the cookies…”

He laughed, reaching down to a lower cabinet and pulling out a baking sheet. “Let’s get these in the oven, I can’t wait any longer.”

“Impatient man.” I chuckled, beginning to spoon the dough into small dollops on the metal sheet.

Aidan moved to stand behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. I soon felt his lips on my neck; warm and gentle.

Goosebumps rose on my arms and I struggled to place even amounts of dough on the tray. “I usually don’t have so many distractions while cooking…” I smirked, unconsciously tilting my head and exposing my neck further to him.

“Well, maybe you’ve been doing it wrong then…that’s where I come in.” He whispered into my skin.

I dropped the last bit of dough onto the sheet and braced my hands on the counter and closed my eyes, surrendering to his touch for a moment.

And then my phone buzzed on the counter and I blinked back to reality, leaning forward to look at the screen.

“It’s my mom…” I said quickly, grabbing a dish towel and wiping my hands.

I turned around in Aidan’s arms and grinned a him, before placing a quick kiss on his lips and pulling myself away from his arms. “Will you slide those into the oven?” I asked, gesturing towards the baking sheet.

“Sure.” He smiled, letting me go.

My parents were finally coming to visit our new home for the first time tonight. We were hosting them for dinner, and we were, reluctantly, going to tell them our news.

My stomach did a flip as I answered the phone. “Hey Mom.”

“Hi Colette. I know you said we didn’t need to, but I insist on bringing something. Your father and I are going to stop to pick up a bottle of wine on our way in, so we’ll be arriving around 7, does that work?” She asked.

I swallowed nervously. She would be confused as to why I wouldn’t be drinking…maybe that would be a good segue into the conversation.

“That’s perfect, Mom, thanks. We’ll be ready for you.”

“Ok, see you soon, dear.” She replied happily.

“Bye mom.” I pressed ‘end’ and set my phone back on the counter. I turned and looked at Aidan, who stood watching me. “They’re bringing wine.” I sighed.

He frowned apologetically and stepped back to his laptop. “Well, that might be a good way to broach the topic.”

“That’s what I’m thinking.” I sat back down in my chair.

I noticed Aidan’s brow furrow as he started at his computer screen.

“What is it?” I asked.

His eyes scanned back and forth for a moment and I knew he was reading something, and then he sat down and took a breath. “We might have a lead for an interview…”

“Oh?” I asked, standing up and walking around to see his computer screen.

“For the states, at least.” He responded. “ABC wants to do a 20/20 interview.”

“That’s pretty legit.” I said quietly, thinking about all of the high-profile personalities and stories that had been featured on the show. “Is that what you think we should do?”

He sighed and sat back in his chair and ran his hand through his hair. “Yeah, I guess so. We’ve gotta do something, just to get reporters off our backs, and that’s probably the right choice. They’ll be professional about it.”

“But, we’ll be interviewed _together_ , right?” I asked, tentatively.

Aidan scanned the screen. “Yeah, it doesn’t say anything here about individual interviews.”

“How much of our story will we tell them?” I wasn’t sure how much we should divulge.

“Nothing about the baby. You’re not far enough along, and I think, for both of our sakes, we should keep that to ourselves and our families until you’re showing too much. It’s unnecessary information to the public right now.” He watched me carefully for agreement.

I nodded. “Yeah, I think that’s good. We’ll avoid that topic. When do they want to do this interview?”

“Next Thursday.” He replied.

I took a deep breath. Cameras and questions scared me. I wasn’t used to the attention or the expectations that I was sure would be placed upon me.

Aidan reached out and took my hand in his. “Don’t worry. It won’t be so bad. We’ll get a summary of the questions beforehand.”

“Ok, good.” I let my breath out, and then I turned to the oven, remembering to check the cookies.

I walked over and peered inside, seeing that they had begun to turn crisp and brown on the edges.

“Your _biscuits_ are ready.” I put a snarky emphasis on his word for cookies.

I heard him chuckle behind me and I pulled them out of the oven. Gently, I used a spatula to lift them from the sheet and place them on a cooling rack, being very careful not to break them in the process. Eventually, I turned to see Aidan grinning silently at me from across the room. I raised an eyebrow. “Don’t you have anything better to do than stare at me?” I repeated the phrase he’d used on me earlier.

“Nope.” He replied simply, copying my response as well, and never breaking my gaze with his smart, cheeky one.

I smirked, flattered by his sweetness towards me, and then returned to my task, a little happier than before.

***

A few hours later, I was in the kitchen again, tossing a salad and checking on the chicken that was baking in the oven. Aidan was busy setting the table for my parents’ arrival.

As I mixed the greens and added various toppings, I momentarily remembered the bland seaweed we’d eaten for so many days on the island. It had been hard to find, but it was always satisfying. Now, here I was, adding extra textures and flavors to the simple lettuce; all which we found easily at the store. It was so stress-free. Food meant life or death on the island, but here, it was a second thought, taken for granted.

I tossed the dressing into the salad slowly and methodically, staring blankly into the bowl. Soon, I felt Aidan’s presence next to me.

“Can I take that to the table for you?” He asked gently.

I set the spoon down and snapped back to reality. “Oh, yes, thank you.” I blinked slowly. “I was just thinking about all of this food and how easy it was to get…”

He took the bowl from the counter and walked it over to the table. “Kinda unsatisfying, in’it?”

“Sadly, yes.” I frowned.

“But much less dangerous…” He’d stepped back over to me and touched his hand to my back gently.

I looked up at him. A sly smile formed on my face. “I do miss you shirtless with that spear though… You wear too many clothes these days.”

He grinned. “I can easily rectify that situation.”

I placed my hands on his sides and stepped closer to him. “Yeah?” I smirked and gazed into his playful, hazel eyes. They still looked back at me with the same mischief and the same love as they had all along. And I was still just as enthralled to admire them.

A chime rang loudly through the house.

“That’ll be the gate.” Aidan said, stepping back from me and walking to the control box on the wall to let my parents in. There was a camera at the gate, so that we could view our visitors before allowing them in. It was all very high-tech, and I wasn’t used to it, but it helped us to keep up our anonymity.

Moments later, my parents were at the door, and then we were welcoming them and exchanging hugs.

“Oh my, this home is absolutely gorgeous.” My mother awed.

“Wait until you see the view.” I grinned, gesturing out the living room window and taking the bottle of wine from her.

“Oh, Colette…this is wonderful.” She walked through the room, taking it all in. “Aidan, you chose this home well. Is it true you only saw it online before you sighed the lease?”

“It’s true.” He replied, placing wine glasses on the table. “Luckily, it’s been even better suited than I had hoped. It’s very quiet here.”

My father placed his hands on the back of one of the chairs. “I would imagine that ‘quiet’ won’t be in your vocabulary for long. Have you decided to tell your story to the public yet?”

“Actually, today we received a fair lead.” Aidan replied. “ABC’s 20/20 wants to do an interview. It’s looking like it might be the one.”

My mother sat down at the table. “My word…that’s quite the honor.”

I brought the prepared chicken and some bread to the table. “We’re hoping they’ll keep it very professional and factual.”

“Oh, I’m sure they will.” She replied.

Aidan poured wine into three of the four glasses on the table, skipping over mine, and then sat down after my father did.

My mother looked at my empty glass. “No wine for you tonight, Colette?”

I swallowed nervously. I wasn’t quite ready to dive right into this conversation so soon in the evening. “Not right now, no.”

“Lost your taste for it on the island?” She grinned.

“Something like that…” I replied, glancing at Aidan from the corner of my eye. He was carving the chicken without looking at me. “So, Dad, how as working remotely here in LA been working for you?” I asked, changing the subject.

“Not too bad, actually. I think we’ll be staying for another month or so, just to help you get settled…especially when Aidan leaves for filming.” He replied.

“When is that again?” My mother asked.

“Three weeks.” Aidan replied, passing some of the meat towards her.

My mother looked at me. “And will you be visiting him while filming?”

“Yes, we’re thinking maybe during May and July, I’ll visit.” I replied, taking a bite.

“And when will filming wrap up?” She asked, looking at Aidan.

He took a deep breath. “Should be done in September.”

My mother furrowed her brow. “So, you’ll be apart for both August and September then? Why not visit a third time?”

I looked at Aidan, who watched me nervously, but then his expression became encouraging and I breathed deeply, looking back at my mother.

“Aidan will visit here during those months, but I won’t be getting on any planes, probably.” I replied, tentatively, setting my fork down.

My mother stopped eating and looked closely at me. “Why not?”

I pressed my lips together, trying to find my words, and then I felt Aidan’s hand slide into mine under the table. He squeezed it gently.

I looked back and forth between my parents’ curious faces. “So…” I sighed. “You’re both aware that a lot happened on the island…” I paused. “And Aidan and I thought we were too…”

My mother’s face became more curious and confused by the second, and I knew I had to just say it.

“But, something happened that was not planned…”

I watched her eyes widen slightly. She was already catching on. I was sure she knew that Aidan and I had been intimate together during our time stranded, but there was still something so awkward about acknowledging something like that with parents.

I looked at Aidan briefly, and then back at them. I swallowed tightly. “I’m pregnant.”

My mother brought her hand to her mouth. “You are _not_ …”

I watched her tentatively. “Yeah, I am…” I felt Aidan’s hand tense in mine.

Her expression remained shocked, and I became worried that she might be angry, but then suddenly, a smile formed on her face and she jumped up from her chair and rushed around the table to me, arms outstretched. “Oh, Colette…honey, that is such precious news!”

I looked up to see her joyful, smiling face, and I relaxed, knowing that she was taking the news well.

“Congratulations, both of you.” My father smiled and grasped my hand gently as my mother moved on to Aidan and enveloped him in a hug as well.

“Oh my God.” She said, sitting back down in her chair and placing her hand over her heart. “How far along are you?”

I took a deep breath, placing my hand in Aidan’s again, this time on top of the table. “Only six weeks, so, I mean, anything could happen. We aren’t wanting anyone but you and Aidan’s parents to know.” I paused. “Well, Lainey knows too.”

“Oh of course, we’ll stay quiet. How are you feeling, sweetheart?” She asked. “I was a bit nauseous at that point with you.”

“I’m actually doing pretty well.” I smiled. “We’re just trying to sort it all out. Obviously, this is still quite the shock to both of us.”

“Of course, of course.” She replied, looking back and forth between us. She and my father were both silent for a moment, staring at us in shock, but also looking quite joyful. “This is something that will change the course of both of your lives forever.”

My father sat forward. “Even though this was unplanned, I think the two of you are probably well equipped to deal with a change in lifestyle. You’ve learned how to adapt quite well, and I’m sure you’ve learned how to work together as a team.”

Aidan smiled. “I think that’s a very good point, and that’s what I’ve told Colette, and what we’ve talked about. This is all very unexpected, but we have a fantastic foundation to build upon.”

I watched him as he spoke, so calculated and polite with my parents. I knew he probably still felt like he had to earn a place in their respect and trust. And now he needed it more than ever, especially since they knew he’d played a part in this unexpected situation, and would be the father to their grandchild.

My mother reached across the table and took his hand. “I’m so excited for the two of you. And we’ll be here to support you both.” She looked at me. “So…you’re due in…?”

“October.” I completed her sentence.

She smiled. “Almost exactly a year after the crash…”

I hadn’t thought about that, but I pondered it for a moment. It was amazing thinking about all that will have happened in just a year’s time. Last October, I was on a plane headed to a fun girls’ trip. This October, I’d be welcoming a child into the world, with Aidan by my side.

“I know it’s still early…” She began. “But have you thought about how you’ll parent together, with Aidan’s career keeping him away?”

I took a deep breath. “We haven’t even known for two weeks yet, and we haven’t really thought much further than the Poldark filming schedule yet.”

Aidan spoke up. “I can assure the both you that I intend to very much be just as much a part of our child’s life as Colette will be.” He cleared his throat. “Sure, I may be physically away more often, but I won’t let that stop me from being there in every way I can. I do plan to tailor my career differently than I have before, too.”

My mother smiled. “I’m glad to hear that, Aidan. That’s very responsible of you.”

He returned her smile warmly. “I know this whole situation isn’t ideal, and it’s the result of actions that could have been prevented, but I think we’re both prepared to face the challenge, and embrace it.”

Grinning, my mother took another bite of food. Her smirk grew. “No one is going to guilt trip you for anything that happened on that island. The two of you have clearly found a beautiful love, and we’re very happy for both of you.”

I tried to stifle my own smirk as I looked at Aidan out of the corner of my eye. He was doing the same as he took a bite of chicken.

I breathed a sigh of relief, glad that I was finished revealing the news and that it’d been well received. It was easier this time than when I told Lainey and Aidan, and I felt like it would continue to become easier. We still hadn’t decided how we’d tell Aidan’s parents, but I knew it would happen soon. I wondered how they’d react. They knew a lot less about me than my parents knew about Aidan. What would they think, knowing a stranger was carrying their grandchild?

I took a sip of water and looked up at my parents. “So, yeah, that’s the big news for the night. Nothing else to report.” I chuckled.

My mother grinned. “It’s beautiful news. I can’t wait to watch you two navigate being parents. It really is a joy…”

I smiled and took Aidan’s hand again. This time, I looked up at him and saw that he was looking back at me. His expression was warm and affectionate as he beamed back at me, and he ran his thumb gently across the back of my hand.

Parents.

It was hard to believe we were about to embark on that journey together, but the more we talked about it and the more it became the reality of our everyday thoughts, the less frightening it sounded and the more it became something to look forward to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys! Over 1,000 comments?!?!?! I know, half of them are my responses, but still! Thank you SOOOOO much! You are all amazing and I appreciate each and every one of you so much! Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!


	41. Interview

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank you all for being so patient with me! I was without my computer for three days this week, and it caused me to not be able to write, and then it took some time to get back into the flow once I got it back. Sorry about the delay! ❤️

I watched the sparks crackle and pop as they danced up into the air above the small fire that Aidan had built for us on the patio behind our house. It was a quiet evening, the night before our interview, and we had decided to spend our time relaxing outdoors. 

It was the first time we’d used the fire pit, and it almost felt odd to use a lighter and the pre-chopped wood we’d purchased. These tasks were all so simple and quick and unsatisfying, but once the flames were crackling loudly and the heat of the fire warmed my face, nostalgia seeped in and I felt at peace.

We sat silently at first, each in our own plush, outdoor armchairs, watching the orange flames lick the wood. I thought about the quiet moments we shared on our island, when words didn’t seem necessary and an unspoken feeling of contentedness had filled the air between us. 

Those moments were simple, when all we knew was the present, and all we had was each other. Our days were filled with exhausting physical labor, but our evenings were filled peaceful togetherness.

These days, there was always something to plan for or to anticipate in the coming days. Sure, we weren’t constantly worried about survival and what dangers might befall us, but we had nerve-wracking interviews, stressful pregnancy appointments, and countless weeks apart in our future. There was an anxiousness and uneasiness about obstacles that were already confirmed to come, instead of a worry for unexpected possibilities.

There was no doubt in my mind that we were better off here, safe and sound, but during moments like this one tonight, in front of the familiar flicker of a fire, I ached for the different kind of security that our island provided.

I glanced up from the flames and watched the side of Aidan’s face. He was watching them intently, and I could tell that he was deep in thought. The oranges and yellows danced across his calm expression, and I smiled warmly, remembering all of the nights when I’d studied his face, just like this. His face had been so new to me back then. In my eyes, he looked the most handsome when lit by the flicker of a fire.

I gently reached over and touched a stray curl that hung from his head, twisting it softly between my fingers. When he sensed my touch, I watched a small smile play on his face, and then he turned his head to gaze at me.

We held eye contact for a moment, exchanging an unspoken appreciation for the moment. And then he sat back in his chair and gestured for me to join him. I climbed out of my seat and onto his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck and beginning to play with his curls again. His honey eyes, a deeper brown in dusk of the evening, stared back into mine affectionately.

“How are you feeling about tomorrow?” He asked gently.

“Nervous, as expected.” I sighed, letting my head fall to his shoulder as I watched the way the light from the fire illuminated the specks of gold throughout his dark curls.

“You’ll be ok. Just answer honestly, but remember that you don’t have to divulge anything you’re not comfortable with.” He trailed his hand up and down my arm slowly.

I thought about the questions we’d been provided via email earlier today, to help us prepare for the interview. They were mostly straightforward, inquiring about our survival techniques and daily life on the island, but there were a few that brought me pause. They wanted to know where our emotions were as we navigated the harder days, and they wanted to know how the experience brought us to become close, romantically. They also clearly found out that I was a fan of Aidan, prior to the crash, because they had prepared a few questions about that aspect as well. It wasn’t like any of it was a secret, but it felt strange to be telling the world certain details about our story.

“And, I think it’s best if we don’t bring up Jane.” Aidan frowned. “They had brought her up in an earlier email, but I asked them to keep her out of the conversation. That’s not fair to her. She isn’t agreeing to this interview, and it would be unkind to speak of her, especially in regards to how things went down.”

I nodded, understanding his thoughts completely. This wasn’t Jane’s story. It was ours, and to bring her into it, and presume to know her thoughts or try to guess at them, would be disrespectful.

I hoped that I’d be able to speak clearly and intelligently. “You’re just so good with your words…” I frowned, lifting my head. “I’ve seen your interviews, you’re very skilled at explaining your thoughts.”

“Don’t worry.” Aidan encouraged. “It’s not a live interview, so you’ll have time to re-answer if you need to.” He turned his head to look into my eyes. “But I really think you’ll be marvelous. Just act as if you’re talking to a friend.”

I smiled lightly at him, trying to muster up as much confidence in myself as he already had in me.

Sighing, I leaned my head back on his shoulder and gazed back at the fire. “This is so nostalgic…it is really nice…”

He placed his lips on my hair and murmured into it. “Mhmm…”

“Do you miss your parents?” I asked gently. They’d returned to Ireland earlier last week, after Aidan and I had settled into our new home.

“I do, and I was actually going to talk to you about that.” He responded.

My breathing stopped for a moment. Was he struggling without them? Did he regret his decision to spend so much time in LA? My mind immediately assumed the negative, as it knew so well how to do.

He kissed my forehead and traced his fingers through my hair. “What would you think of a trip to Dublin, now, before filming starts?”

I froze and then pulled my head back to look at him, a small smile formed on my face. “Now? Like when?”

He grinned. “Like, how about this weekend?”

I grasped his arm in excitement. “Really?”

“We could stay for the week, and then we’d be back here in time for your first appointment.” I could hear the anticipation in his voice. He was eager to bring me to his true home, even more than I was to see it.

“Oh, that sounds wonderful…” I smiled, letting my eyes jump back and forth between his with joy.

“I’ve been thinking about it for a few days now, but I wanted to make sure the interview was still on schedule. I didn’t want to get your hopes up…or mine.”

I placed my hand in his and studied them both for a moment, thinking about his parents who still didn’t know about the baby. “So, we’ll tell them during this trip, then.” It was almost a question, but I already knew the answer, so I did not phrase it as such.

He interlocked his fingers with mine. “Yes, if you feel comfortable with it, I think it’s time. And I think it’ll be good to tell them in a place where they feel most relaxed.”

“You’re right.” I bit my lip and looked up at him, trying to think less of the poignant conversation we’d have and more of the countless other activities we’d get to experience there. “I’m really excited for you to show me around.”

His eyes crinkled as he smiled back at me. “I can’t tell you how thrilled I am to show you a bit of where I come from.”

“I want to see it all.” I grinned. And then I began to study his expressions in a different way. He was so delighted to show me his home and his culture. I knew he wanted me to experience it fully and genuinely, because he wanted to impart on me, the joy he felt from his roots. But I somehow knew that I was not the only soul on his mind when he thought of those roots.

I brought my hand to my stomach gently. Our child would carry so many features and traits from both Aidan and myself; half Irish, half American. I never wanted those Irish roots to be forgotten.

“Aidan…” I said quietly.

“Yes, love?” He traced idle patterns across my bare arm.

“I never really asked you, but just assumed… Are you ok with the baby being born here, in the US, and claiming citizenship here?” I asked tentatively.

He furrowed his brow. “Of course, I hadn’t even considered differently. The baby should be born in the mother’s country, where he or she will spend most of their time.”

“Ok…” I replied, relieved. “I agree, especially with our situation, when you’ll be traveling away a lot. But I just want you to know that I don’t ever want to forget the fact that they’ll be half Irish, and I want to spend as much time in your country as possible, so that they get to experience that culture as well.”

Aidan smiled warmly and leaned in to kiss me. “Thank you. That really means a lot.”

I leaned my forehead against his. “Half American, half Irish, and conceived on a remote island in French Polynesia…what a story.”

Aidan chuckled. “We like to keep things interesting.”

“We sure do…” I sighed, pulling out my phone and looking at the time. “We should get some sleep. The interview tomorrow is early.”

I felt his chest rise and fall heavily. “You’re right. Why don’t you head inside? I’ll put out the fire.”

I stood up from his lap and then leaned down once more to kiss him quickly. “Don’t be too long.” I eyed him with a touch of fire in my eyes.

“Mmm…” He grabbed my hand and stood up, pulling me into his arms and placing another, more fervent kiss on my lips. “How could I be, knowing you’re in there waiting for me?”

I let my fingers slide through his as I broke eye contact with a smirk, and made my way through the dark and into the house.

***

The next morning, we were dropped off at a studio, deep in Hollywood, to film our interview with ABC. After being greeted by the producers, we were both pulled into the green room for hair and makeup. Aidan, of course, didn’t need much done, but I had gladly obliged when they offered to primp me up. I was already nervous enough to be on camera, and I hoped that I might gain a surge of confidence once I’d been professionally made over.

Eventually, we were brought onto a set, made to look like a living room and lit by intimidating looking lights. Three large cameras pointed towards the seating; an armchair and a small sofa.

The director of the interview introduced himself and then guided us towards our seats on the sofa. “We’re so pleased that you chose to interview with us.” He smiled, as a hairdresser reached in and arranged the way my hair fell across my shoulders. “The world wants to hear your story, and we are going to tell it in the most truthful way possible.”

“We appreciate that.” Aidan responded.

The director held an iPad towards us. “This is some of the footage that was taken on the island after you left. We intend to intersperse it throughout the broadcast as you explain your experience.”

Aidan took it in his lap and we both watched the screen as he pressed play. It was an aerial view of our island, and I could see for the first time, how small it really was. An oblong, green oval surrounded by sandy beaches; it was beautiful.

And then the screen flickered to a new shot. This time, the person holding the camera was moving around, under the shade of the palm trees, panning across the open sand.

I watched intently, leaning my head in towards Aidan’s, catching bits and pieces of the landscape that I recognized. But then, the shot switched again, and this time, the person holding the camera was standing in the place that was the most familiar and brought back the most memories.

In front of us, on the screen, were the remnants of our firewood, the large rocks that surrounded, and our carefully crafted shelter, complete with an interior view at the tick marks we’d made on the cave wall to track the days we’d been stranded.

I reached my hand over and grasped Aidan’s, remembering it all immediately. It had been mere weeks since our rescue, but it was amazing the details that could be forgotten so quickly.

“It’s taking you back, huh?” The director smiled at us, and I had to struggle slightly to prevent my eyes from watering and ruining my perfect makeup. When it came to the relationship that Aidan and I had built, that island was still very much our home. I knew that eventually, we’d distance ourselves from the memories, but for now, the majority of them still lied there.

I looked up at the director and nodded, smiling back. “Thank you for sharing this with us.”

Aidan placed his hand on my back gently. “A lot of memories.”

“Well, if you’re ready, we’d love to hear about those memories.” The director smiled, standing up from the armchair and gesturing a woman over to the seat. She had the look of a professional interviewer, perfectly put together and confident as she shook hands with both of us.

I felt myself start to shake slightly as she sat down in her chair and crossed her legs, placing a notebook on her lap and facing us intently.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you both. My name is Susan.” She smiled warmly.

I could feel Aidan’s body, pressed slightly against my left side as we sat so closely. He was perfectly motionless and calm, and I was sure he could feel my body vibrating with nerves.

“The way we’re going to do this,” She continued. “Is just as if we’re having a conversation. I have a list of questions in front of me, but if we divert at any point, that’s fine too, we’ll let the dialogue lead us where it may. The editors will cut and rearrange as needed. And if, for any reason, you feel uncomfortable with any of the topics, please tell me so.” She looked towards the representative from Aidan’s agenvy who stood next to one of the cameras. “Same goes for you. If there are any topics you’d prefer we avoid, please speak up.”

Aidan and I, as well as the representative, all nodded.

“Ok, well, let’s get started then.” She smiled brightly.

I took a deep breath as Aidan rubbed my back once more before bringing his hand to his lap and sitting up straight in his chair. I watched Susan as she shifted in her seat and looked directly into the center camera.

“Rolling.” One of the cameramen said loudly, causing me to jump slightly. I glanced at Aidan and noticed a small smirk cross his face as he sensed my surprised reaction.

I clasped my hands in front of me, trying to appear professional, as Susan began to speak directly at the camera.

“Last fall, we all watched the news break, at the fate of Flight NZ19, after it suffered two major engine failures and crashed into the South Pacific.” Her voice was serious as she spoke of the tragedy. “After two days of vigorous search efforts, the wreckage was found, and countless deceased souls were identified. We all watched, as fingers were pointed and studies were conducted, all in an effort to bring peace to the families who lost their loved ones. That is the side of the story that we’re all familiar with. But there is another side that has yet to be told. Of the twelve souls never recovered, two were miraculously alive and surviving on a remote island in French Polynesia, and today, they’re here to tell us their story.”

Her voice was intense as she introduced the topic. “One was a project manager, based in Southern California, on her way to a quiet vacation in New Zealand, and the other was a face that many of us might recognize from his various performances in tv, film and theatre.” She turned to face us and smiled. “Colette, Aidan, welcome back.”

We both nodded and returned her expression. I was suddenly aware that the cameras were now on us, catching our every move.

“You’ve been back, what, for just a few weeks now?” Susan asked. “How does it feel?”

Aidan spoke up, and I thanked him internally for taking the first question. “It’s a shock, I think to both of us, but we’re very fortunate and grateful to be here, safe again.”

“Ok, so take me back…what happened on that plane so many months ago?” Susan asked.

Aidan responded again. “It started out as any other flight, completely normal and uneventful. It was only after a few hours that passengers started to notice that the left engine was beginning to behave erratically. It had begun smoking.”

Susan looked at me. “Colette, was that also the first sign that you noticed?”

I took a deep breath. “I was asleep, really until the first engine completely went out. The plane shook, which woke me up, and then there was an announcement, informing us that we’d be rerouting to Hawaii.”

“So, that first jolt was enough to wake you?”

“Oh, definitely.” I responded. “And it was mere moments later that the second engine failed as well, and we were instructed to assume brace position.”

“Aidan, what was the atmosphere like on the plane during all of this? How were the other passengers responding?” Susan asked.

I looked at Aidan and saw that he was frowning. “It was eerie, really. There was a moment of chaos, and then just, silence, as we all waited to see what would happen next.”

I nodded sadly, remembering the shock that was apparent in the faces of everyone around me. We had all expected to die…and tragically, most of us did.

I noticed that Susan frowned as well, as she watched the despair form on our faces. “Do either of you remember anything about the crash itself?”

Aidan sighed. “I was knocked out for a moment or two, I believe, and then I was miraculously able to climb out of my seat and search for other survivors. Almost all of the plane was on fire, completely engulfed in flames, but I found Colette, still breathing…”

“I can’t imagine the terror and pain you must have endured that afternoon.” She replied.

Aidan swallowed. “My main goal was to save who I could, and unfortunately, almost no one survived. It was at that point, that I put every effort into saving Colette.”

I watched him sadly, always hating every time he had to re-live his emotions.

“I try to remain neutral in terms of my opinions when I conduct interviews, but I have to say, it was very heroic and selfless of you to risk your life searching for survivors.” She watched him with a frown.

Aidan nodded silently.

Susan turned to me. “And Colette, the first thing you really remember is waking up on the island a full day later, right?”

“Yeah, I was completely unconscious, until I woke up and saw Aidan…”

“I’m going to pause you right there.” Susan began to grin. “Because I personally, am dying to know…while neither of you had met prior to that day, is it true that you were a fan of Aidan’s work?”

I grinned and nodded, blushing. I knew this question was on the list, but it didn’t make it any less embarrassing.

“What level of knowledge did you have about him? Were you a casual level fan, or were you at the level of following all of his social media accounts?”

I laughed. “Well, he doesn’t have any social media accounts…but I was active in the fandom, yes.” I raised an eyebrow at Susan. She clearly hadn’t done ALL of her research if she didn’t know that he didn’t have any personal accounts.

“So, that being said,” She continued, clearing her throat and acknowledging her mistake. “What was it like, waking up and seeing him in front of you?”

I turned to Aidan, who’s eyes found mine, and we both smirked at each other. He knew how shocked I’d been, but it was still slightly embarrassing. I looked back at Susan. “Honestly, I thought it was a dream for quite a few minutes. I’d hit my head quite hard, and I was just…shocked.”

Aidan interjected. “I believe the only words you could say for the first few minutes were ‘but you’re Aidan Turner.” He grinned cheekily at me.

Susan chuckled and I laughed. “I had to keep saying it to really believe it.”

“I can imagine waking up to find yourself stranded with someone you admired so much was quite the shock.” Susan commented.

“It was a mix of emotions for sure.” I sighed, remembering the shock and sadness, mixed with the eager feelings inside me, in response to finally meeting Aidan. It had been a battle of emotions for sure.

“So, take me through the first few days.” Susan continued, and Aidan responded, telling her of our search for food, and our struggles with collecting water.

As I became more comfortable, I provided my comments and stories as well, recounting the dangers we faced and the triumphs we celebrated. I started to forget the cameras were there, and it became a friendly conversation with Susan. She did a wonderful job of making us feel comfortable to tell our story.

Eventually, we gave the details of our close calls with illness and injury, and Susan reacted appropriately; shocked, but glad to know that we had recovered.

“Now, I have to bring this up, and you’ve given me prior permission to do so.” She began, looking at us closely. “I think the world really wants to know, because we’re all eager for positives to come from this tragedy. The photos are out there, and you’ve been seen showing affection towards one another, ever since your return. Did something develop between the two of you during your time on the island?”

I noticed that Susan had not brought up Jane, which Aidan had kindly asked her not to do. My respect for her returned.

Aidan took a deep breath, gathering his thoughts. “When you’re in a life-threatening situation, like Colette and I were, and you’re relying on that other person to stay sane and stay alive, you develop a certain kind of connection that can’t quite be put into words.” He looked at me quickly. “And that’s not to say that we wouldn’t have developed a relationship in any other scenario, but there is something about our experience that sped up the process and touched us in a deeper way.” He watched me expectantly, to see if I had anything to add.

I bit my lip, unsure if I could put my feelings into words. “I think we were very lucky. When you’re left to the company of only a stranger, in most cases, you aren’t so fortunate enough to get along as well as Aidan and I have. But…we were a real team on that island, and I owe my life to him, multiple times. It’s a bond that will always remain.” I turned to look Aidan in the eye. “Regardless of the romantic aspect of our relationship that’s developed over time, he’s my best friend now, and I could argue that that’s the most beautiful thing that’s come from this.”

I saw the emotion creep into his expression as he watched me speak, and then he reached his hand over to mine and took it gently, before looking back at Susan.

She was grinning at our exchange. “I think on behalf of everyone watching, I’ll respond with a big ‘awwww.’”

The three of us smirked, and then Susan continued. “How are the two of you doing now that you’re back? Tell me about the rescue.”

We finished out the interview, recounting our time with Harrison and Jimmy, and Aidan’s plans to film the new season of Poldark. We successfully avoided any topics that may lead to talk of the baby, which was fairly easy, because I didn’t think anyone expected such news.

We were thanked and informed of the date when the interview would air, in just a few days’ time, and then Aidan and I left the studio and climbed into our ride home.

“You did wonderful.” He grinned, squeezing my shoulder.

I wiped my forehead and rolled my eyes. “I’ll admit, it wasn’t as terrifying as I thought it would be.”

Aidan smiled. “And now we get to relax, because our story will be out there, and less media will be interested, because they didn’t get the first bite. We’ll head to Dublin the day after tomorrow, and focus our minds in a different place.”

“I can’t wait.” I smirked back.

Aidan’s expression became sentimental as he continued to touch my shoulder, and bit his lip before opening his mouth to speak again. “Did you really mean it when you said I’ve become your best friend?”

I blinked affectionately and took both of his hands in mine, wanting him to know how deeply I felt. “I meant every word.”

His lips pulled up into a smile and he leaned in to kissed me softly. “I have to say, I feel the same way…”

I leaned my forehead against his and closed my eyes. There was something special about the declaration of best friendship. Usually, only one person can hold that spot in your heart, and when the same person that holds that spot, also holds the spot reserved for the one you passionately love, life becomes that much more beautiful, and the connection between two souls deepens even more than you’d thought ever possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, for fun, I've created a Facebook page where I'll be sharing updates about this story and any others I write in the future. I'll also be sharing links to other Aidan-related things I'm working on (I currently have a few montage videos on YouTube). 
> 
> I also find myself wanting to share some of the inspiration that leads me to write certain scenes in this story, and the everyday joys of writing.
> 
> Finally, I am working on an original novel that I hope to try and get published someday, and I'll be sharing updates about that, there on my page.
> 
> So, if for any reason, you want to follow along, [click here](https://www.facebook.com/ESKcreativeworks) to like my Facebook page! Thanks!


	42. Dublin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You might have noticed (and it might take a few days to go into effect), but I've changed my username here to ESKcreative. This is so that I'm using the same name throughout all of my accounts 👍

Dark blue seas gave way to ivory beaches and green pastures as I watched Ireland come into view out my window of the plane. I pressed my forehead against the thick glass and took in the sight of a new country; a new place I’d never been.

“Welcome to Ireland.” Aidan said next to me, and I turned to see him grinning eagerly.

“It’s beautiful.” I breathed, looking back out at the window at the perfect rows of houses, lined by large, deep green trees. “I bet it feels wonderful to be coming home. I felt that in LA, but you haven’t really gotten to experience it yet.”

He leaned down to zip up his bag as the plane descended towards the runway. “It does. And even before the crash, it had been a while since I’d been home. It’s been almost six months, I think.”

I smiled, glad that he’d feel comfort in the familiarity of home. He needed that, if even for just a week. I felt the plane begin to descend and I gripped the armrest of my seat tensely as we approached the ground and the landscape flew by more quickly. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to take a flight again without some sort of anxiety. But the plane landed smoothly, and we were soon taxiing towards our gate.

I pulled out my phone to check the time. We’d left LA around 8pm, flown through the night, and now it was 2pm the next day here in Dublin. I’d slept a little during the flight, but it was by no means a full night of sleep, and I knew I would be exhausted soon.

We eventually made our way off the plane and through the airport. We quickly hailed a taxi and Aidan gave the driver an address.

He sat back in his seat and took my hand in his. “We’ll drop off our things at my place first.”

I smiled. “Oh good, is it nearby?”

“It’s on the other side of the city. It’ll take 20 minutes or so to get there.” He replied.

I grinned at him for a moment, barely believing that I was finally here in Ireland with him. I was excited for him to show me around, and to see him at peace and confident in a place that he knew so well. I was also eager to experience the culture and begin to learn about it, for the sake of our child.

I looked out the window as the driver entered a large motorway, much like interstate highways I was so familiar with in the States, except the traffic moved on the opposite side of the road, directional signage overhead was blue instead of the green I was familiar with, and above all of the English text was the native Irish language as well.

“How much Irish do you know?” I asked Aidan curiously.

“Eh, just a little…” He responded, unsure of himself.

I blinked back at him and grinned, hoping he’d indulge me with a few words.

He recognized my expectant gaze and took a long breath, scratching the stubble that lined his jaw. “Hmmm….Tá tú go h-álainn…” He paused and then grinned. “Táim i ngrá leat.”

His eyes had become affectionate and playful as he spoke, and I couldn’t help but smirk, listening to the words roll off his tongue, sounding so natural with the aid of his accent. There was something about hearing him speak a foreign language, the native language of his home, that sent a warmth to my core. He was somehow incredibly adorable and extraordinarily sexy at the same time.

“What does it mean?” I asked, squeezing his hand.

He grinned. “You’re beautiful, and I’m in love with you.” His expression was warm and tender as he translated for me.

I bit my lip, touched by the words that he had chosen, and I quickly looked up at the driver, who was focused on the road, paying no attention to us. So, I looked back at Aidan, and leaned in to kiss him chastely. I kept it brief, but I knew I wasn’t going to be able to hold myself back for long once we were alone.

“How much Irish is actually spoken here?” I asked, looking back out the window and watching dozens of rows of houses pass by.

“Not a lot, at least not in Dublin. More so on the west coast, maybe.” He replied. “They teach it in school still, primary and secondary, but it’s not used much.”

I continued to watch the small suburbs fly past the window. “Are we near Clondalkin?” I asked, referring to Aidan’s hometown.

“Yeah, we’re about to go right past it. And my parents live just a town over now, we’ll visit them tomorrow. I live a little further south.”

Aidan pointed out a few landmarks that could be seen from the motorway as the drive continued, and then eventually, the driver exited onto a maze of smaller roads, weaving between businesses and quaint homes.

Aidan picked up his bag from the floor of the taxi, signaling that we were getting close. We’d turned onto a narrow road, lined with large, old trees, and cobblestone walls. Each home on this road was set back behind vegetation and secured with an iron gate at the front of the driveway.

The driver tilted his head towards Aidan, pulling over in front of one of the gates. “Is this you?”

“Yes, thank you.” Aidan responded, sliding his credit card through the reader attached to the back of the driver’s seat and nodding at him before climbing out of the car with me.

We walked up to the gate and Aidan typed in a code, which resulted in the wrought iron bars sliding across the driveway and giving us access to the property.

In front of us was a stately home, with dark grey and brown stone accents. It wasn’t an exceptionally large house, but the architecture seemed to hold a strong history, and was much less modern than the home he’d rented in LA. The grounds around the house were also well manicured, as if someone was around to trim the grass and the bushes frequently.

Aidan paused briefly. “So, this is my house.” He grinned, and then led me up the sidewalk.

“It is beautiful.” I replied, appreciating the historical elements and the large wooden front door. “You own it?”

“Yeah, it’s the one place I own instead of rent. It’s nice to have the investment, and I can keep it exactly how I like it.” He opened the door and we stepped into a small foyer which connected to a living room straight ahead and the kitchen to the right.

There were dark, wooden floors throughout the house, and the equally dark walls were adorned with various pieces of artwork.

“I can take your coat.” Aidan offered, sliding his own down his shoulders.

“Thanks.” I said, taking mine off and handing it to him. I walked around the living room, which was outfitted with mostly leather furniture and simple decor; the style clearly indicated it was a man’s home. I studied each of the paintings and drawings on the walls and stopped in front of an abstract piece. I could just barely make out what looked like two figures in an embrace. “These are great…”

“Yeah, I like to collect them…I’d have more, but if I did, my walls would be packed full.” He chuckled.

I smiled, loving that he was so passionate about art. He’d told me about his hobby of collecting, one time during a chat on the beach.

We walked into the kitchen, which featured cherry wood cabinets and dark granite countertops. I ran my hand across them gently as I made my way through the room. Attached to the fridge were various photos of mostly people I didn’t recognize.

“Relatives?” I asked, studying their faces.

“And friends.” He replied, coming to stand next to me. He pointed out a few cousins and aunts and uncles. I recognized a photo of Aidan’s family, on the day of his brother’s wedding. Colin and Leon stood happily, holding their dog, surrounded by family members. Aidan was looking sharp as always, in a navy-blue suit, with a full beard, sunglasses, and a glass of champagne in his hand. I’d seen the photo before, on Leon’s Instagram. They’d just been married a year ago. I remember thinking Aidan was so handsome and suave, and wondering what kind of personality laid behind his exterior appearance. It was hard to believe that I was here, now, in his house with him, and knowing him so deeply.

My gaze shifted to the right and landed on a photo that made me pause. I immediately recognized the woman with long dark locks that framed her perfectly made-up face. It was Jane. She smiled happily at the camera, and Aidan stood with his arm wrapped around her tightly while kissing the side of her forehead.

The way they were captured made them look so happy and carefree. I wondered if they had been, in that moment. But before I had a chance to study the photo any further, Aidan’s hand had reached up and pulled it from the refrigerator.

“Sorry.” He said quietly, creasing it and turning to throw it in the trash.

“It’s ok.” I smiled softly at him. I knew that the last time he’d been here, in his home, he’d been in a relationship with Jane, and I didn’t fault him for having photos of her on display. If anything, I was glad that he cared that much about his significant others. But I briefly wondered if she had been here, to Aidan’s home, and if she had, what kind of memories had they made here. Would he remember her as he tried to make new ones with me?

As if reading my mind, he took my waist and pulled me into him, kissing my forehead gently.

“I’m so glad to have you here with me.” He whispered into my skin. “Come, let me show you the rest of the house.”

He took my hand and led me back through the living room, pointing out at the quaint back patio that could be seen through the windows, and then we climbed a narrow wooden staircase up to the second floor. There were two bedrooms and two bathrooms, attached to a short hallway. The first bedroom was small and simple, with a double bed in the center. The second was obviously the master bedroom. Despite its dark walls, it was bright and airy, due to multiple large windows that faced the backyard. Two armchairs faced into the room, and at the far end was a large, king-sized, four poster bed, covered in a deep blue duvet.

Aidan immediately walked over to the bed and flopped down on his back, letting out a long sigh.

“Good to be home?” I asked, smiling and sitting down next to him.

“It’s bloody brilliant to be home…” He breathed deeply with his eyes closed.

“How long have you owned it?” I asked, gazing around at the art on the walls.

“A few years now. I bought it just after the second Hobbit film.”

“How much time do you actually spend here?” I asked, tracing my hand up and down his arm as he laid next to me.

“Not as much as I’d like. Probably only a dozen weeks out of the year.” He opened his eyes to look at me. “I love Dublin. I’d be here more if I could.”

I continued to take a visual tour of the room, trying to discover more about Aidan through his decorating choices. “Well, maybe you can make that a goal…” I trailed off as my eyes landed on a familiar object hanging from the wall.

“Is that….?” I breathed, standing up from the bed to get a closer look.

Aidan sat up behind me. “What? Oh, yeah…it’s from the first series. It has a little tear there on the left side, so we didn’t have a use for it anymore.”

In front of me was the one simple black hat I’d recognize anywhere. With its three points and worn-down appearance, Ross Poldark’s tricorn hung magnificently from a hook on Aidan’s wall. I lifted it from its spot and turned it around in my hands gently.

The countless hours I’d spent watching him wander around Cornwall on my tv screen, wearing this exact hat, had burned the memory into my mind, and my affinity for late 18th century fashion was heightened by the way Aidan had worn it so well.

I turned to him with the hat in my hands, and then a sly smile crossed my face. I took a step towards him. “Do you think it still fits?” I joked.

He chuckled. “I sure hope my head hasn’t gotten any bigger.” He stood up from the bed and took the hat from me, turning it around in his hands and placing it atop his curls.

A small smile played at the corners of his lips as he watched me take it all in.

It was amazing what a simple hat could do to change a person’s appearance. He was Ross now, with his dark hair peeking from beneath the edges of the stiff black material, and his natural scar now completing the look. The hat made him look so distinguished, and somehow incredibly sexy. He was insanely handsome, and I couldn’t take my eyes off him.

After a moment, I blinked and blushed, realizing I was staring. “Sorry, having a bit of a fangirl moment…” I looked up at him through my eyelashes, embarrassed. “Is that pathetic?”

Aidan stepped towards me and took my waist in his hands, pulling me into him. “No. If tricorn hats are what gets you going, then I can play to that turn on.” He grinned cheekily at me.

I rolled my eyes and reached up to straighten his hat slightly. “It just brings back a lot of memories from before I knew you, and it’s an interesting, nostalgic feeling. Some of the first times I ever laid eyes on you, you were wearing that hat.”

Aidan smiled affectionately and reached towards me, taking my face in his hands and leaning in to kiss me. “You know…” He leaned back and looked at me. “Of all the times I imagined finally having you here with me, in this room, and in this bed, I never once pictured a scene where I’d be wearing this hat.”

I ran my hands up and down his muscled arms and smirked. “Well, you see, that is where our two fantasies can collide.”

Aidan’s eyes grew dark and he took an eager breath, before guiding me backwards until the back of my knees found the edge of the bed. He smirked and pushed my shoulders lightly, causing me to fall backwards onto the navy duvet.

I looked up at him as he climbed on top of me, scaling up my body slowly until he leaned down to kiss me passionately. And as he did, the hat, not securely attached, fell from his head onto the bed above me.

He laughed. “You know, these hats weren’t meant to stay on for activities like these.”

I pulled his neck down to kiss him again. “The hat has done its job…no need for it anymore.”

I felt him smirk into my lips as he grabbed the hat and tossed it across the room and then slid his hands under the hem of my shirt as the length of his body pressed into mine and he deepened our kiss even futher.

***

Later that evening, Aidan took me to his favorite pub in the area. It was a quaint little place, on a small city street, and the atmosphere inside was warm and inviting.

He held my hand as he guided me to a high-top table near the bar, and then he ordered a soda for me and a Guinness for himself.

It was obvious that he’d been here many times before, because he greeted the servers like old friends and then introduced them to me. There were even a few hugs passed around as many of them had once thought he was dead. There was a comraderie between everyone that made me smile, and I began to recognize the allure of having a local pub to frequent often enough to develop relationships with the people you saw there.

“You hungry?” Aidan asked, pulling a menu from the center of the table.

“Starving.” I responded, and then I stopped myself, remembering how ‘starving’ actually felt. “Well, I mean…not quite _starving_ ….”

Aidan smiled warmly at me as he handed me a menu. “It’s amazing how easy it is to forget how it really feels, in’it?”

I shook my head and sighed. “It feels wrong to even use that word in jest now.”

“It’s alright, you won’t offend me.” Aidan encouraged. “We survived that struggle and came out on the other side. We shouldn’t feel any negativity about it.”

I nodded and sighed, looking down at the list of _entrée_ s. I couldn’t believe I was already falling back into my old ways and sayings, treating starvation like a minor ailment. But with food so plentiful and simple to come by, it was easy to throw the word around loosely.

“What should I get?” I asked, studying the options.

“Well, if you want to go traditionally Irish, I suggest the Irish stew or the coddle.” He suggested.

“Hmm…Irish stew sounds good.” I replied, pulling my coat around my shoulders. It was warm inside, but the climate of Dublin was far chillier than that of LA.

“Good choice. It’s delicious here.” He smiled at me and his eyes held a sweet appreciation. “I know this is only your first trip to Ireland, but I’m eager to see which dishes and traditions you end up enjoying the most.”

I reached across the table and took his hand in mine, smiling. “I probably have a bit of Irish in me somewhere. I’m excited to embrace it.”

I ordered the stew, which came with a side of soda bread, and Aidan ordered the coddle, which was a mix of potatoes, sausage, carrots, herbs and spices. I loved the stew, and I tried a few bites of his meal as well, which I also liked. They were both hearty and flavorful; the perfect comfort foods, and I could already tell I would crave them when we eventually returned to the US.

I watched Aidan polish off his full glass of Guinness Draught and then sit back in his seat. He looked so happy and at peace. This evening was a far cry from the countless nights of unseasoned fish and coconut water we ate around a crackling fire, while still feeling hungry afterwards. Our bellies were full this evening and Aidan’s content demeanor from being at home was rubbing off on me. I felt warm and blissful, enjoying the moments with him.

Aidan’s phone buzzed on the table and he leaned forward to look at the screen. But instead of swiping away the notification absently, like he usually did, his brow furrowed, and he picked it up to look more closely.

I watched him expectantly as he studied the screen for a moment with an expression of disgust.

“Ah, feck…” He scowled.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, suddenly worried.

He tossed the phone back on the table and ran his hand through his hair. “Just Jane, still being Jane…”

I pulled my brows together. “She’s texting you?” I didn’t know he’d been communicating with her, and I became anxious for a moment.

“Texted me, _singular_.” He corrected me. “She’s left me alone until now, but our interview just aired, and she’s decided to find a reason to call me out on it.”

I leaned forward. “What did she say?”

He swiped open his phone again and looked at the screen with repulsion. “She’s said that she is offended that we didn’t bring up her name when you and I talked about our growing relationship.”

I glared at the phone, confused. “But, doesn’t she realize that we did that for her sake, so as not to make assumptions about her feelings?”

Aidan sighed. “Apparently she thinks I’ve done her a disservice, not mentioning her, and apparently ‘pretending like she didn’t exist.’” He used air quotes.

I crossed my arms. I was beginning to read Jane well now. She needed the attention, and I was starting to feel like she needed Aidan to not forget her so quickly.

His phone buzzed again and sighed deeply, looking down at the screen. “Great, she says she’s going to release her side of the story to the media. That’s just fecking great.”

My eyes widened. “Aidan, what is she going to say?” My imagination took me to the worst place, knowing that she’d likely paint him in a bad light or even make something awful up about him to try and ruin his career.

He growled. “She’s going to say whatever she is going to say. I can’t stop her, but she has a bit of a temper, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she bends the truth.” He looked up at me apologetically. “I’m sorry to ruin this wonderful evening, but I really need to give her a call.”

I pushed my plate forward and grabbed my purse. “Oh of course, don’t worry about it. Yes, let’s go home so you can sort this out.”

Aidan flagged down the server so that he could pay the bill, and then he looked back at me with sorrow. “I knew something like this would happen. She’s not going to let this go yet, and unfortunately, I can’t just ignore her when she makes these threats.”

I took his hand in mine. “It’s ok, I understand. I could sense her sly demeanor when she visited me the other week. I don’t blame you for needing to intervene.”

A small smile played on his face, breaking through the worry and the frown that was there before, and he squeezed my hand gently and reassuringly. I could tell that Jane was far from finished with him, and as many times as I tried to put her from my mind, I knew that she’d continue to craftily weave her way into our lives for quite a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Easter!
> 
> Thank you all for the follows and likes on Facebook! I appreciate it so much! If you're interested in following my Youtube or Instagram as well, the links are below!
> 
> [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/ESKcreativeworks)  
> [YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC50T7A4XczK5VVEY7-2GUHQ)  
> [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/eskcreative/)


	43. Lucky

Aidan paced back and forth in front of the bed as I watched him speak to Jane on the phone. His expression alternated between a frustrated grimace and a forced composure.

“Jane…” His voice pleaded slightly. “I’m not going to fault you for telling your own story, but I’m asking you to please talk to me before saying something untrue to the press.”

I sat cross-legged on the bed, watching him move back and forth across the room. I occasionally glanced up at his face to offer a supportive expression. I was glad that he felt comfortable taking her call in my presence. It told me that he didn’t have anything to hide, and that he wasn’t afraid of what he might have to say to Jane in front of me.

We hadn’t talked about her much lately. She hadn’t bothered either of us for over a week now, and I’d begun to think that maybe we had dodged her sneaky bullet. But I could see now that Aidan was worried, and it made me anxious. The entire ride back from dinner, he’d held tightly onto his phone in his lap and barely took his eyes off of its blank screen. He knew what she was capable of, and I could see in his eyes that he didn’t trust her one bit.

“You know what we talked about, Jane.” Aidan spoke into the phone. “I’ve never tried to convince you that what I did was justified. It was a cruel situation for all parties involved, but it was most unfair to you, and I’ve apologized for that. I will continue to apologize for that.” He placed his free hand on the dresser and leaned forward, closing his eyes. “But what I’m asking you is, please, do not take your frustrations out on me through the media. That’s not going to look good for either of us. Just talk to me. Tell me what else I can do to apologize, and let’s solve this on our own.”

I took a deep breath as I watched him listen to her response, which must not have been pleasant, because he balled up his fist in anger and gritted his teeth. “Well, if you don’t need any more apologies, then what, Jane? What do you need from me? What can I do to put you at ease?” He paused and turned around slowly towards me. His eyes found mine and his face fell slightly. He looked down. “Can’t you just talk to me here, on the phone?” His voice was quiet. “No, I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to meet. You can tell me what you need, right now.”

I frowned at him. Jane wanted to meet up with him? Was she that delusional? I was glad he shot that idea down immediately.

Aidan furrowed his brow. “NO.” His voice held a commanding tone – one I hadn’t heard from him yet. “There is no need for that.” He paused again. “It’s been weeks since we had this conversation. I explained myself, and I listened to you. There is nothing left for us to sort out. It is time to move on.” His shoulders tensed slightly as he listened, and then he responded with an elevated voice. “Yes, this is me saying we’re done, just like I already told you weeks ago. Let’s put an end to this, Jane.”

I grew tense myself as I listened to the edge in his voice. It was suddenly intimidating, as if he wouldn’t take any more from her, and I wondered if she was feeling the heat on the other end of the line, or if I didn’t affect her like he intended.

“I have to go now. Please, take a moment and consider things before doing anything irrational.” He rubbed his forehead and I could see that he was mentally exhausted. I could just barely hear the sound of Jane’s voice from where I was sitting. I could tell that it was elevated. She was not letting up. “I have to go…bye…Jane…Jane…I have to go…bye.” He could barely get the words in.

And then he pulled the phone from his ear and hung up the call. I caught his gaze as he threw the phone onto the dresser and came to sit by me on the bed. He dropped his head to his hands and ran his fingers through his hair.

I placed my hand on his back and trailed my palm up and down in long strokes, trying to show my support and affection. He didn’t deserve any of this. I had watched him struggle incredibly during that first month on the island, as he realized his feelings for me and had to decide whether to remain faithful to Jane. It hadn’t been an easy decision for him, and I knew that he had beaten himself up too much already. Now, Jane was rubbing it in even further, and opening up the wound that had just finally begun to heal.

Aidan took a deep breath and raised his head again. “She’s gonna do something awful. I just know it…”

I frowned. “You think she really will?”

He looked across the room blankly. “I think she’s bitter and vile enough to stoop that low, yes.”

I blinked slowly, thinking about Aidan’s negative opinion of her, and began to wonder when his judgement of her had turned so sour.

“I have a question.” I said quietly.

Aidan grunted in response, indicating that I should continue.

I took a breath. “I know we talked about this, months ago, when I was first asking about your relationship with her. But…” I paused, finding my words. “I know you so much better now, and I can see that you’re intelligent and you’re observant. If you think so ill of Jane now, and you speak of her like she’s always been this awful…and please don’t take this the wrong way…but what redeeming qualities _did_ you see in her to begin with?”

He turned his head to look at me, and his expression was almost apologetic. He closed his eyes briefly and then shifted on the bed to face me. “Jane is complex…as crazy as that sounds.” He sighed. “She has…two sides.”

I watched him intently as he explained.

“When we first met, she only showed me one side. Of course, it was the more redeemable one.” He took another deep breath. “It probably sounds surprising to you, but Jane really does have the potential to be a kind person. I’m starting to doubt that more now myself, as I see this other side of her. But, she was a different person, once upon a time. That was the Jane I grew interested in, and that’s the Jane I dated for the majority of our relationship. But it’s almost like she snapped, like she’d had enough of being that person, or maybe she couldn’t hold onto the façade anymore, and her other, real personality began to show through. I’m honestly not sure. But I was catching glimpses of her flaws for a few months before the crash. I was trying to persevere through them, but, as I’ve told you before. It was becoming too much and I was questioning the relationship.”

I thought about his words for a moment, and then I thought about what Jane had told me at my parents’ apartment. She’d said that he’d been perfect and thoughtful at the beginning of their relationship, but that eventually, he’d begun to act as if they didn’t have anything in common anymore.

I wondered which came first. Did she begin to act out, causing him to lose interest, or did he begin to distance himself first, and then Jane changed her demeanor because of that?

I looked at Aidan inquisitively. “What kinds of things do you think she’s going to say about you, if she speaks out?”

Aidan ran his hand down his face in exhaustion. “I don’t know…the media knows we were together before the crash. That isn’t news to them.” He stood up from the bed and began to unbutton his shirt. “What I’m afraid of is that she’ll fabricate some conversation we had, or twist my words into something they weren’t. She seems to think she has something to gain from shoving me under the bus.” He tossed his shirt onto one of the armchairs and slipped out of his jeans, before joining me on the bed again and sliding under the covers.

I pursed my lips, trying to wrack my brain for ways to prevent Jane from attempting to ruin Aidan in her own, sneaky way, but I came up empty. I didn’t know her well enough, and I didn’t know how to combat her strong personality. I only hoped that Aidan did.

Noticing my worried silence, he gestured for me to relax and join him. I pulled the covers back and laid down with him, tucking myself into the crook of his shoulder, where I fit so perfectly. As he wrapped his arm around me and grasped my hand in his, I felt the comfort that only his touch could provide.

“I’m sorry about all of this.” He whispered into my hair. “I don’t want to worry you.”

I rubbed my thumb across his. “I don’t want you to worry either. I don’t want her to hurt you, and I don’t want to see you stressed over this.”

He sighed. “Stress is inevitable, when I don’t quite know what she’s capable of, or who will trust her words…but the important thing is that I’ll have you here with me, to pull me back to these quiet moments. All that matters to me when I’m with you is that you’re happy and safe. The last thing I want is for any of this to affect your contentment or security in our relationship. My top priority is still you, Colette.”

He kissed my forehead gently and I smiled and closed my eyes. After the trials and tribulations of our survival on the island, I felt more content and secure than I ever had in my life, and I had only Aidan to thank.

***

  
The next afternoon, the sun peaked from the clouds as we drove to Aidan’s parents’ home. We took Aidan’s personal car: an impressive black Audi with tan, leather seats. I was constantly reminded that his life was more luxurious than mine, but I was starting to realize that I was part of that life now. He had the windows rolled down slightly and a pair of sunglasses on as we drove the winding streets. The breeze tousled his hair gently, which resulted in my gaze spending more time in his direction than taking in the sights of Dublin. My eyes were always hungriest for him.

Aidan and I had spent most of our day in the city. We’d taken a stroll down O’Connell Street, ate lunch on the grass at St. Stephen’s Green, and then he gave me a tour of a few of his favorite spots, including the Gaiety School of Acting, where he’d studied as a drama student, and Porterhouse Temple Bar, where he’d frequently gone for a drink with his friends. He’d been so excited to show me around, and his mouth had moved a mile a minute, eagerly sharing all of his memories.

Now, he drove in silence as we both thought about the imminent conversation we’d be having with his parents. I knew that this time, he’d be the one to reveal the news, and I was thankful for that. I didn’t know if I could bring myself to lay that shocking information on the table again. But I could sense the tension in his demeanor, now that we were away from the distractions of the city and his comforting trip down memory lane.

Eventually, we pulled up to a quaint, brick, semi-detached house. The yard was lined with tall, well-established trees and dotted with brightly colored tulips. The atmosphere was welcoming and reminiscent of the warmth and friendliness that his family had shown me each time I’d met them so far.

When we got out of the car and made our way to the front door, Aidan’s mother was already pushing it open and grinning widely at us.

“Ohhh, I’m so happy to see you both.” She cooed as she enveloped Aidan in her arms and then did the same with me. “Come in, come in. Everyone’s here.”

Aidan held out a small, white box towards his mother. “Here, I brought you some of those chocolates from your favorite shop in LA. I know you’d forgotten to pick some up when you were in town.”

Her face lit up as she took the box from him and held it close to her chest. “Aw, you are the sweetest.” She leaned forward and kissed his cheek before stepping aside so that we could enter the house.

Directly inside the front door and to the right was the living room, and I immediately caught sight of Colin and Leon, sitting on the sofa, watching the television. They both stood up quickly and came to greet us.

I’d met Colin briefly when he came to the hospital after Aidan and I first returned, and so he immediately remarked on how glad he was to see me again, in a gracious and reserved manner. Leon, on the other hand, enveloped me in a warm, but slightly overexaggerated hug. He was confident, just as I expected, for never having met me.

“It’s so fantastic to meet you, darling.” His extravagant Australian accent was thick as he grinned at me, taking my hands in his. “I’ve heard nothing but beautiful words about you.”

I chuckled. “Same. And I’m glad to finally be here, with all of you.” I gestured around the room.

Aidan’s father came around the corner and quickly hugged us both as well. “Please, make yourself at home.” He smiled warmly at me.

“Dinner will be ready shortly. You can all move into the dining room if you’d like.” His mother said, turning towards the kitchen.

“Do you need a hand?” I asked, wanting to be as helpful as I could.

She waved me off gently. “No, no, you sit and chat.”

I smiled and nodded, following everyone else into the dining room, but not before stopping at the mantle above the fireplace. There were two photos displayed there. One of a young Colin, and the other of a young Aidan. He looked to be about six years old in the picture, and he grinned a toothy grin back at me, with his wild dark curls just as unruly as they were now. I smirked at his young expression. I could see that his playful, carefree personality had been there from a very young age.

Aidan and I found seats across from Colin and Leon in the dining room. The table was already set for the six of us, and I could smell something delicious wafting in from the kitchen.

Aidan took a sip of water and then looked directly at Colin, “So, you know I’m going to demolish you at pool after dinner, right?”

“Oh, is that right?” Colin responded, raising an eyebrow. “You can give it a lash, but I think I’ve had more practice in the last 4 months than you have, or did you fashion yourself a table on that island too?”

A smirk crossed Aidan’s face. “Ah, you think you’re funny, mate? You just wait.”

The harmless banter between two brothers brought a smile to my own face and I caught eyes with Leon, who was amused as well.

“That must have been quite the ordeal.” He spoke up. “I’m sure you’ve told it a thousand times, but I’d love to hear about your experience.”

Aidan and I dove into our story, recounting all the details for what felt like the thousandth time. As we spoke, his parents placed dinner on the table, which to my delight, was coddle. I’d enjoyed the few bites I’d had from Aidan’s plate yesterday, and my mouth watered at the thought of more.

It was a wonderful meal as the six of us ate, and laughed, and told stories. Aidan practically inhaled the contents of his plate, going back for seconds before any of us had finished our first helping.

His mother passed a dish towards him and turned to me. “You know, my home-cooked coddle has been Aidan’s favorite since he was very young. Apparently, it still is.” She grinned.

“It is absolutely delicious.” I smiled at her, picturing the young Aidan from the photo scarfing down the very meal we were eating now.

“I figured it would be best to give you a taste of something traditional while you’re here for the first time. What did you have to eat last night?” She asked.

“I had the stew. And Aidan had…” I paused and laughed. “Coddle.”

She furrowed her brow. “Oh dear, so you probably tried it already then.” She turned to Aidan. “You should have told me, so that I could have made something different for her.”

I spoke up quickly. “No, no, I actually loved it and wished I could have had more…and your version is even better. Thank you so much.”

“Well, thank you, dear.” She visibly relaxed and sat back in her chair. The last thing I wanted was to make her feel like I didn’t appreciate anything she did for me. Tonight was an important evening, when she’d find out that I was carrying her first grandchild, and I needed her to think as highly of me as possible, and know that I thought the same of her.

After we finished eating, we all helped to clean up, and then began a game of pool in the game room. I wasn’t very good, but we played on teams of two, and with Aidan as my partner, we were doing alright. He was quite skilled, and he easily carried our team. Each time it was my turn, he gave me tips, and I put them to the best use I could, but the balls I pocketed were few and far between. I was embarrassed, and on one occasion when I missed by at least a foot, I looked up guiltily across the table at Aidan, but he was grinning back at me. It wasn’t a grin of entertainment at my failure but rather an expression of love and appreciation.

I tilted my head slightly as I watched him, trying to understand his reaction, and then he made his way around the table towards me and placed himself directly behind me as he re-chalked his cue stick. I felt his head inch closer to mine and then his breath on my hair. “You are absolutely _adorable_ , you know that?”

I turned my head slightly towards him and grinned. “I’m glad my shortcomings amuse you.”

“Everything you do is adorable, and I can’t get enough of it.” He whispered, and I turned to smile at him, but he was already stepping away to take his next shot.

I bit my lip, holding back my smile, and leaned against the wall, thinking the exact same thing about him.

Eventually, after another game, Colin looked at the clock. “Well, we need to get home. We both have early work tomorrow.”

My stomach leapt immediately at his mention of leaving, because Aidan and I had agreed to deliver the news to just his parents and not the whole family. Their departure meant that was almost time…

We said our goodbyes and told them both that we’d catch up at least once more before heading back to the States, and then we joined his parents in the living room for some tea.

“So, are you enjoying your new home together?” His mother asked us.

Aidan and I sat together on the sofa and he had his arm wrapped loosely around me. I smiled. “We are. We love the quiet location.” I paused. “And Aidan’s home here is wonderful as well.”

She took a sip of her tea. “And will you be spending much time here, in that home? I know you have your job in LA, but we’d love to see more of you.”

Aidan spoke up. “She’ll be back and forth a few times to Cornwall and London while I film the next series. I don’t know how much time we’ll be here though…for now. But I can see the future bringing us here much more often.”

“Oh?” She asked, raising her eyebrows.

Aidan took a deep breath, looking back and forth between his parents’ interested faces. It was his turn now, and I could feel the anxious energy coming from him.

“Soon, it won’t just be Colette who’ll feel the benefits of becoming familiar with the Irish culture and being close to the family.” He breathed, and his face turned serious. “We have some surprising news.”

He unwrapped his arm from my shoulder and took my hand in his as his parents’ eyes grew a little wider in anticipation. I could almost feel his last moment of hesitation before he opened his mouth to speak again. “Colette and I are expecting a child.”

He said it so eloquently, and I internally scowled at myself for my version of the delivery of the news with my parents. He had a better way with words than I did, and I was envious of him.

“Are you really?” His dad said quickly, sitting forward in his chair.

His mother looked back and forth between us rapidly, registering his words in her brain. “Oh my…is that the truth? When are you…?” She trailed off and I could tell she was trying to do the math to figure out if we’d planned this.

“She’s due in October, and yes, this is a surprise to both of us, but we wanted to share the news early with you.” Aidan replied, answering her unspoken questions.

His mother’s face softened, and she looked directly at me. “My goodness, and what precious news it is…oh how sweet…” She stood up and crossed the room towards me, extending her arms.

Aidan and I both rose from our seats and she enveloped us both in a hug and kissed each of our cheeks. “You’re going to be parents…what a beautiful outcome from this ordeal.” I could see tears form in her eyes.

“Yes, after the initial shock, we’re learning to see it that way too.” Aidan responded, hugging his father who had also joined the huddle.

His mother put her hands on my shoulders. “How are you feeling, dear? Is Aidan tending to you?”

I smiled. “I’ve actually felt quite well so far.”

She turned to Aidan. “You take care of her. This should be just as much your journey as it is hers. You’re responsible for her wellbeing now.”

Aidan smiled and nodded. “She’s doing great so far. She has her first appointment next week.

“And what about when you’re away filming?” She asked, suddenly looking concerned. “Who will be there?”

“My parents will be staying in the area, and I have a good friend who lives nearby too.” I interjected.

Aidan’s father turned to sit back down in his chair. “It’s a shame Aidan will have to be away for so long. Will you be done shooting before the due date?”

“Yes, I’ve confirmed that I will be.” Aidan responded. “It’s all organized. But please remember that you’re one of five souls who know, besides Colette and I. We’re keeping this news under wraps until Colette starts to show.”

His mother nodded. “Yes, probably for the best, to keep Colette’s stress levels down.” She turned to me. “Will you deliver the baby in the States?”

I nodded. “Yes, but we’ll be back and forth here as much as possible. Since I’m a US citizen, it makes the most sense to give birth there, but we have every intention to split our time the best that we can, so that you don’t miss out on any important milestones.” I smiled warmly.

Her expression was warm and comforting as she sat back in her chair. “That is very kind of you. Well, this is surprising news for sure. Thank you for trusting us with it. We’ll refrain from telling Colin and Leon, as hard as it’ll be.”

I smirked, remembering how active Leon was on social media and how likely he was to let something slip. It was probably for the best to keep the news from him for now.

“Oh, I’m so glad you were rescued when you were…” She breathed. “Imagine if you’d given birth on the island…”

“We’ve been lucky in many ways.” Aidan agreed. “We made it back just in time I think to ensure the healthiest pregnancy.”

The conversation continued for almost another hour, as we spoke about travel plans and their excitement to be grandparents. I could tell that they were extremely eager to be part of the baby’s life, and that knowledge warmed my heart. It was a wonderful feeling, knowing that our child would have two sets of encouraging and loving grandparents. ‘Lucky’ was putting it lightly. Maybe the saying, ‘the luck of the Irish,’ really had some truth in it after all.

When we finally made our way to the door to say our goodbyes, his mother took my hand in hers. “I’m just so excited for you.” She grinned. “You’re family to us now, Colette, I hope you know that.”

I smiled and nodded, starting to feel emotional. “That means a lot, thank you.”

And then she leaned in to hug me and I heard her voice quietly near my ear. “And I hope that one day, you assume that role legally as well, if the two of you decide on that.”

She pulled away and her eyes met mine with a glimmer of hope.

I grinned tightly, not sure how to respond, but feeling eager in response to her words. Aidan and I hadn’t talked about marriage, other than the fact that we both had dreamed of it someday. But even since the news of the baby, we hadn’t broached the topic, and I suddenly began to wonder how he felt. He didn’t strike me as someone who would feel the need for a shotgun wedding before the birth, and I was glad about that, because I didn’t feel that need either, but I knew the topic would come up eventually, and I felt a shiver of excitement as I realized that marriage could be a possibility in a more extended timeline.

As my mind raced at the topic, Aidan took my hand and led me out the door and back to our car. We both sat down and as he started the engine, I stared at him for a moment. I was really, for the first time, realizing that I might actually be lucky enough to marry him someday. It was a giddy, eager feeling, and I had to stop myself from grinning goofily at him. Maybe his mind wasn’t in that place at all. And honestly, that was ok with me. Just as I didn’t want him to continue to date me for the sake of the baby, I surely didn’t want him to marry me for that reason either.

I liked where we stood now; I felt comfortable. And I didn’t want to ruin anything by bringing up any topics that might cause tension or misunderstanding between us. So, I sat back in my seat and closed my eyes, grateful for the way his parents had reacted to our news, and grateful for the kind and loving people that were now a part of my life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're all well! Hard to believe this pandemic is still affecting us in this way. Thank you all for continuing to leave wonderful comments on this story. They bring such a smile to my face.
> 
> Click below to follow me and stay updated on this story and any of my future works!
> 
> [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/ESKcreativeworks)  
> [YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC50T7A4XczK5VVEY7-2GUHQ)  
> [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/eskcreative/)


	44. Parting

It was the last full day of our visit to Ireland, and I opened my eyes into the dim light of the morning. I could immediately tell that it was still very early, and I turned my head to see Aidan sound asleep beside me. His lips were parted slightly as he breathed slowly and evenly. His long, dark eyelashes fell across his skin and a thick stubble covered his cheeks, all the way down his neck, having grown in quickly since yesterday.

I smiled, watching his peaceful expression, and wondering if his mind was in a comforting place as he slept. I didn’t want to wake him, but one of his deep brown curls hung loosely on the pillow next to his head, and I could barely help myself not to touch it. Those were the curls which I had dreamed of for so long before I met him, and then hesitantly cut from his head on the island when they’d become too hot for him. Those curls, which had been slicked back and wet when he dove into the ocean to fish for the food that kept us alive, and then had been sweaty and misplaced as he fought for his life in agony after his leg wound. Those curls, which had bounced playfully as he’d spun me around in the sand, time after time, and then then brushed my face gently as he’d moved above me during our most passionate and intimate moments.

I reached out and touched the perfect, stray curl that lay on his pillow, twisting it gently between my fingers, and letting it remind me of the memories that Aidan and I had shared. I blinked slowly, thinking about how lucky I was to have him in my life, and to say that he was truly mine. He was everything I’d ever wanted and everything I thought I could never have.

I was so far removed now, from the emotions I’d felt when he’d been an untouchable fantasy to me, and when my eyes had looked at him with such awe during our first weeks together. But every once in a while, in moments like this, I was reminded of those feelings, and a surge of butterflies erupted in my stomach as I realized that my wildest dreams had come true.

But just as fast as they came this morning, the butterflies began to transition into something else. What was initially a pleasant and elated feeling, faded into a tossing and turning of my stomach, and then was replaced with a discomfort that I immediately recognized.

I suddenly began to sweat, and I felt the blood drain from my face as I reached my hand up quickly to cover my mouth. The nausea hit me like a freight train, and then came back again and again, wave after wave.

I jumped out of bed quickly and sprinted to the bathroom, falling to my knees in front of the toilet. I hadn’t felt this way since I’d eaten the rotten coconut. But this time, there was no pain, just nausea, and I knew I hadn’t eaten anything unpleasant. This was morning sickness, and I recognized it immediately. It was finally happening. It was finally real.

I felt my stomach clench tightly as I emptied its contents violently into the toilet. I gasped and wiped the back of my hand across my mouth, leaning back and closing my eyes. I breathed as deeply and evenly as I could, trying to persuade the waves to nausea to fade away.

“Colette?” I heard Aidan say quietly from the doorway.

I turned to see him standing in only his underwear and t-shirt that he’d slept in, tentatively watching me.

“Apparently I haven’t escaped the perils of morning sickness…” I croaked, feeling my stomach clench again and leaning back over the toilet.

Aidan rushed towards me and took my hair in his hands, pulling it back from my face as I vomited again. This wasn’t the first time he’d seen me throw up, and I didn’t have the effort to feel embarrassed or shy. I heaved a few more times before there was nothing left in my stomach, and then I hung my head in my hands.

Aidan rubbed my back gently as he sat with me on the cold tile floor. “I’m sorry, love. I hate to see you like this. I wish I could take on your suffering for you.”

“I’m alright…” I whispered, lifting my head again and taking a deep breath. I looked up and saw that his eyes were tired as he watched me. I felt bad that I’d woken him up. I sighed. “It was bound to happen…you go back to sleep.” I urged him gently.

“No, I’ll stay with you until you feel better.” He said quietly, sitting down on the floor next to me.

I flushed the toilet and then rested my arm on my knee and took a deep breath, realizing the humor in the situation, that we were both sitting on the floor of the bathroom, at an unnecessarily early hour of the morning. I was starting to feel a little better, but I was also afraid to move too much, for fear that the sensation might return.

“I must look a mess.” I frowned, pushing the sweaty strands of hair from my face and wiping my mouth again.

“Not at all.” Aidan replied, scooting closer to me and placing his hand on my back. “Your body is working overtime, doing something it’s never done before, growing life, and I think that’s quite beautiful.”

I looked up at him and rolled my eyes at his way with words. “I still hold my opinion from very early on; you’re a smooth talker…”

He smiled and grabbed my legs, spinning me gently on the smooth tile floor so that I was facing him directly. His face became serious as he took my hands in his and looked me in the eyes. “Do you realize how much I love you? I know you understand it more than you used to, but I feel like you still think I’m just saying things because they sound nice.”

I watched his eyes as he spoke, and I saw the sincerity behind them. They spoke to me even more loudly than his words did. His eyes had that way about them; he could tell me an entire story with just one look.

“No, I believe you.” I replied quietly, recognizing my own internal flaws. “I just tend to doubt my own self-worth.”

“Well, pretty soon,” He sighed. “There is going to be a little being here who’ll think you’re the best thing ever, and you’re going to be worth everything in their life. I think that’ll help you realize how meaningful you can be to someone.”

I noticed that his face had fallen as he spoke, and it gave me the impression that he was feeling like he couldn’t ever convince me, himself, that he truly cared about me. But that wasn’t the truth at all. I knew how much he loved me now. I believed it, and I saw it in his actions. The doubts that still overtook my mind were purely leftover insecurities and fears that I had not lived up to his expectations. I felt bad that I was causing him to still feel like he hadn’t gained my trust.

I shivered slightly and then got to my feet slowly, careful to not bring on any more nausea, and I pulled him up with me. “Let’s go back to bed.” I whispered, and I guided him back into the bedroom. He followed me silently and we both crawled under the covers.

When we were both still, I rolled to face him, and I watched the same curl I’d admired earlier fall onto the pillow next to his face. “I love you, Aidan.” I said quietly, looking into his eyes. “And I love the love you have for me. It’s a wonderful feeling. Please don’t feel like I don’t appreciate it or believe that it’s true.”

He smirked and reached over to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. “So, you don’t just think I’m a smooth talker?”

I grinned and placed my hand on the side of his face affectionately. “No, maybe not a smooth talker. But you’re very good with your words.”

His expression was warm. “All words which are true.”

Our gazes locked, and I watched his eyes slowly grow lighter as the morning creeped in. They were telling me a story again, letting me know that he was sincere and confident in his feelings for me, and I told him my own story back, through my sincere expression of gratitude. And then I scooted closer to him and buried my face in his chest. He wrapped his arms all the way around me, dwarfing my figure and pulling me impossibly closer to him. I felt tiny in his embrace, and I felt his lips on the top of my head, and then his slow breathing across my hair. His chest was my home and his arms were my shelter. My heart lived there too. I’d given it over to him finally, and it was completely his to hold and protect. I was in deep, and it was both exhilarating and terrifying at the same time.

***

A week later, Aidan and I drove the winding streets of northern LA back up to our cozy home in the hills. We’d just left my first prenatal appointment, and to our relief, everything was normal. We’d informed the doctor of the conditions we were under when we conceived, and the few weeks following. She didn’t seem worried, and she was glad that I was healthy now.

Aidan was leaving tomorrow to begin filming the third season of Poldark, but I could barely allow myself to think about the sadness I felt for that, and I didn’t want to. I breathed evenly as I held the printed ultrasound tightly in my hands, and my mind traveled back to just moments prior, when Aidan and I had seen the picture on the screen for the first time.

He’d been holding my hand tightly as the doctor had moved the handheld device over my stomach. And then we’d seen it, displayed in black and white on the screen, a tiny little being that could have just as easily been a kidney bean in my stomach. My heart had skipped a beat as I’d for the first time, laid eyes on the little person growing inside me. And I’d felt Aidan’s hand tighten around mine as we heard the sound of life, matching the heartbeats that the device was recording. Seeing a tangible piece of evidence that I was truly pregnant, and that we were really expecting a child together had brought a tear to my eye and I’d grinned at the screen until the doctor finally shut it off and printed us a copy.

Now, in the car, I traced my finger over the photo of our tiny little bean, wondering what he or she would grow up to be, and what memories we’d make together.

“It’s hard to believe…” I said quietly as Aidan pulled into our driveway. “Is this real life?”

Aidan chuckled as he shut off the engine. “It’s real.” He gestured for me to hand him the photo and I watched the warmth grow in his expression as he studied it closely.

I leaned my head back on the seat. “A year ago, we off doing our own things, without plans for such a life change so soon, and now here we are, together, and preparing to be parents.”

“Life is funny that way.” He replied, still gazing at the photo. “It twists and turns, and we’re just along for the ride.”

I turned my head towards him, still leaning it against my seat, and waited for him to look back at me. When he finally did, I spoke. “Are you ready to be a father?”

He ran his thumb across the picture, but didn’t break his gaze from mine. He took a deep breath. “Yes and no. I am terrified, and I feel unprepared, but at the same time, something feels right about it.” He smiled. “I feel like I’m finally at a point in my life where I can commit to something so permanent. I felt like a wanderer before, but now, I’m eager to have something to hold onto, and to love and support for the rest of my life.”

My mouth pulled into a slight grin as I listened to him speak. A part of me wondered about his use of the word ‘commit,’ and whether or not he was referring to just the baby, or maybe to me as well. I was reminded of the words his mother had said to me just before we’d left from our first dinner with them last week. She hadn’t brought the topic up again any of the other times we’d seen them during our short stay in Ireland, but her expression had stuck with me, as she hinted that she would love to have me as part of the family someday. I wondered if she’d spoken to Aidan too. If she had, what had he said? Was he ready for that kind of commitment too?

I continued to smile at him, locking my thoughts of the subject away in my mind, too afraid to bring them up. “I can’t wait to find out the gender.”

“Oh, me too.” He sighed. “When do we get to know that?”

“At twenty weeks.” I replied. “We should be able to schedule an appointment if you visit right after I return from my first trip to you.”

“What do you think it is?” He asked, smirking and shifting in his seat to face me.

I brought my hand to my chin, pretending to think hard about it, but in reality, I’d already made up my mind about my prediction, days prior. I’d tried to let my inner mind tell me the secrets, and let the instinct come to the forefront.

I looked down at the sonogram in Aidan’s hands. “I think it’s a boy.” I could clearly picture a little ‘mini Aidan’ prancing around the house, getting into trouble, and eating loads of coddle, just like the little Aidan I saw in the photo at his parents’ house.

The fully-grown Aidan beside me grinned happily. “A boy…I’d have so much to teach him. He’d get into so much trouble…” He chuckled.

I smirked back at him. “What do you think it is?”

He pressed his lips together, pondering for a moment. And then he looked at me with his kind hazel eyes. “I think it’s a girl.”

My face lit up. “You _do_?” I began to picture little dresses and pretty bows, and a surge of excitement overcame me.

“Yeah, I don’t know why, I just do…” He shrugged his shoulders.

As I reviewed both scenarios in my mind, I realized that it didn’t matter which it was. Whatever the outcome, we’d have a child together, who would take on both of our personalities and traits in a unique way that was only their own.

I let out a deep breath, because even though I would be endlessly happy with either option, I still didn’t know how I could possibly wait the next twelve weeks to find out.

I reached over and took his hand in mine, allowing my mind to remember again that he was about to leave for filming the next morning. He’d be gone for a full four weeks, unable to return during the first month due to a tight schedule.

I blinked slowly and looked up at him. “I’m going to miss you so much. I don’t know if I’ll be able to bear it.”

His eyes were sad as he gazed back at me. “The time will fly by. You’ll see.” He said quietly, but his pained expression did not match his optimistic words.

I frowned, wondering how I’d fill my days, without him to keep me company.

Aidan squeezed my hand and let out a sigh. “Come on, let’s have a nice evening tonight, and pretend like tomorrow is just a normal day.”

I met his eyes again and saw that they were encouraging. He was right, there was no use in dwelling on the sorrows of tomorrow. Things were good for us now. We were happy together, and Jane hadn’t made any moves to anger us anymore. If it weren’t for his imminent departure, life would be perfect.

When he saw that I agreed, his mouth turned up into a smile and he pushed the door of the car open, gesturing for me to follow him inside.

***

The next morning, I woke up to the feeling of Aidan snaking his arm around my waist from behind; warm and comforting. I hadn’t slept very well. My mind had been completely overrun with counting down the last hours before we’d have to say goodbye.

I peered at the alarm clock on the bedside table and groaned. It was five o’clock. He needed to leave by six. I brought my hand to my face and rubbed my eyes, not wanting to accept reality. “Not yet…” I groaned again.

“No, not yet.” Aidan’s voice was deep and smooth as I felt his breath on the back of my neck. “I’m not leaving just yet.” His hand traced my hip and then up my stomach, gently and delicately, like he was memorizing each curve.

I closed my eyes again, focusing on the sensation of his touch instead of the sorrows deep in my heart.

His warm lips found a spot of exposed skin, just below my ear, and he whispered gently. “Memories are powerful things, and we’ll live off of them for the next few weeks.” He paused, kissing down onto my shoulder. “I have lots of favorites already, but I’d like to make just one more.” His hand slid back down my stomach and traced across my inner thigh, sending goosebumps across my skin.

I swallowed, holding back a pool of emotions that was trying to ooze from me. “You incite the most wonderful memories.” I whispered, reaching my hand back and placing it on the side of his face, which was rough with morning stubble.

“As do you, my love.” He said, pulling me around to face him.

His eyes met mine and he traced a finger across my forehead, pushing strands of disheveled hair from my face. “I’m already packed and ready. I don’t want us to sit around and mourn my departure.” He smiled softly. “I want to celebrate us, once more, before I leave, knowing that before we know it, you’ll be coming to see me, and we’ll celebrate again.”

I smirked, touching his bare chest with my fingers. “I like to celebrate with you.” My eyes met his with a twinkle, and in response, he leaned in and touched his soft, full lips to mine. It was a long and deliberate kiss, and I never wanted it to end. I wanted to feel his mouth on mine for the next four weeks, and the only way I’d even get close to that dream was if I burned this moment into my mind; a snapshot of heaven for me to survive off of.

It felt as though he was doing the same, because when he finally broke the kiss, he immediately came back in for another, just as sweet and just as tender.

I would have been content with simply kissing him for the next hour, and savoring his embrace, but he had other plans, and I always liked his plans. Soft kisses grew into loving touches, and loving touches grew into frenzied breaths. We drank each other in, through our eyes, and through our mouths, and through ever other sense that we possessed. We acted as if we’d never see each other again, even though we knew that we would. But we were so familiar with the fear of loss and the fear of the unknown, that it was simple to fall into a state of pure longing, to capture every last bit of each other, before letting go, if even for just a few weeks.

Our souls were poured out to one another again, almost as intensely as they had been the first time we’d made love, on the sand, in the first place we’d called home. Love was no longer a question between us, it was an undeniable truth, stronger than any other, and it was a promise of tomorrow, and the next day, even in the moments when we were apart.

I held onto the moment for as long as I could, never wanting it to end, because the end would mean goodbye, and goodbye would mean sorrow. But finally, we rode the waves back down to Earth and our deep and labored breaths mingled together in an echoing harmony. My eyes met his and I saw the emotions lying heavily there. He was having just as much trouble as I was, saying goodbye, and he needed this moment of distraction to forget our reality. 

He kissed my forehead, and then each cheek respectively, before landing on my lips again. “Remember when we thought we might not survive, when we thought we might never see each other again?” He asked gently, resting on his elbow next to me.

I frowned and took his hand in mine, interlocking our fingers. “Yes…”

“Well,” He continued, flexing his fingers and then closing them on mine. “This time is completely different. This time, I’ll see you in just a few short weeks. It’s temporary. We should be grateful that we can use that word.”

I smiled, loving the way that he could comfort me with his words. He was right, the goodbye we’d say today was far less tragic than any goodbye would have said on our island. If I had to hold on to some semblance of positivity, it would have to be that.

We laid in each other’s arms, speaking for a while longer, talking about what we’d do first as soon as I arrived in Cornwall to see him next month. Production had decided to shoot the outdoor scenes first, while the spring growth was new. I could barely wait to visit him there and see the landscape for myself.

I chose not to look at the clock. I didn’t want to count down the minutes, but soon, Aidan turned to look himself, and then he faced me again and sighed.

“I need to go.” His voice was quiet.

I avoided his eyes as I studied his face, and I gently traced the exaggerated sideburns that he’d been growing over the last few weeks, for the role of Ross. “Don’t forget about me…” I replied softly. It was said in jest, but I still meant it.

“Impossible.” He said, and I saw his mouth turn up into a grin. But I still didn’t look at his eyes.

I sighed. “I hate this…”

“Colette, look at me.” His voice was comforting, and I felt my eyes rise to meet his. He continued. “We’re going to talk every day. We’re going to Skype, and you’re going to tell me about all of the fun you’ll have with Lainey, and I’ll tell you about whatever funny thing happened on set. We’ll have so much to talk about each day, and before you know it, we’ll be together again.”

I pressed my lips together and nodded.

Aidan’s expression deepened. “I love you.”

I let out a long breath. “I love you too. Please, just be careful…the flight, the cliffs, the horseback riding…it all makes me very nervous.”

He smiled. “I’ll be fine. They take good care of me there.” And then he untangled his fingers from mine and sat up, dropping his legs off the side of the bed and pulling on his pants.

I shifted slightly to lean against the headboard, watching him dress. “You’ll call me tonight?”

“Of course, as soon as I get to my flat.” He replied, grabbing his jacket from a chair in the corner and coming back towards the bed.

I started to climb out from under the covers to see him out, but he stopped me. “No, you stay. You don’t need to walk me out.” He sat back down next to me and grabbed my hand, taking a deep breath. “I’ll see you soon.” He leaned in and his lips touched mine tenderly.

“I’ll see you soon.” I whispered back as he slowly stood up from the bed. My fingers were still interlocked with his, and I was reluctant to let go, but as he took a step away, I finally did.

He grabbed his wallet and passport from the dresser and made his way to the door, stopping to look back at me once more. “Bye.” He smiled, but I could see right through it. He’d combed his dark curls back, and he looked perfectly put together, but on the inside, I knew he wasn’t so collected.

I tried to reply, but all I could do was swallow. And then my emotions overtook me, and I tried to stop myself, but against my own will, I jumped up out of bed and ran to him quickly, flinging my arms around his neck. My mouth connected with his in a passionate kiss, and I felt his arms around my back, holding me to him tightly as I stood on my toes. I knew I was dragging out my agony longer than I should, but I just couldn’t bring myself to let go.

When I finally found the strength to, I took a step back from him and looked up into his eyes, which were a brilliant honey color in the morning light. He didn’t say anything, and neither did I, but still, we somehow spoke, and we said our goodbyes with an exchange of expressions, before he turned from me and left the room quietly.

I stared at the spot where he once stood and I knew that he would stand there again. I took a deep breath and reminded myself that now that the goodbye was over, I didn’t have to fear it anymore, and now I could focus on my anticipation of the day we’d reunite. Until then, I’d fill my days with work, and Lainey, and my precious task of growing the small life, our tiny little bean inside of me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know how you guys can stand the insane amount of sap I write...kudos to you all. 😂👍
> 
> [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/ESKcreativeworks)  
> [YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC50T7A4XczK5VVEY7-2GUHQ)  
> [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/eskcreative/)


	45. Away

I pulled a crisp, warm sheet of paper from the copy machine and took a deep, exaggerated breath. It was one of many today. After walking slowly back to my small desk at the corner of my office building, I sat down and stared blankly at the printout in front of me. It was finally Friday, and it was almost five o’clock, but I still had one final expense report to record before I could call it a week.

I looked up at my computer screen and typed in the numbers, barely seeing them. I was too eager to finish my day, because I finally had something to look forward to this evening. Lainey and I were heading downtown for her birthday. There was a new bar she’d been eager to visit, and we finally had a reason to get out. I couldn’t drink in my current state, and I would have easily preferred a simple night in with a movie and snacks, but it was Lainey’s day, and she wanted to go out, so we were going out.

I actually did need a fun, carefree evening in my life at this point. Aidan had been in Cornwall for two weeks now, and I was beginning to lose my mind without him. It was the longest we’d been apart since we’d met, and while I’d prepared myself in the best way that I could, I still had trouble with the quiet, lonely moments at our house, when I was all by myself. My parents and Lainey had done a wonderful job trying to keep me company, visiting and inviting me over, and I Skyped with Aidan often, but the hours still passed slowly. I hadn’t spent an entire day alone yet, and work was a nice distraction, but I still struggled. I’d begun having nightmares again. Sometimes they was the same as before; I being pulled from shore in the lifeboat while going into labor, and sometimes I dreamt that I was searching the island, high and low, for Aidan, never able to find him. I didn’t tell him much about these dreams. I didn’t want to worry him, but I would frequently wake up in a cold sweat, gasping for breath. I wasn’t sure which was worse, waking up in that state, or waking up with morning sickness. Luckily, my morning sickness had subsided a week after it began, and my nausea was back under control.

I pressed ‘save’ and shut down my computer, grabbing my bag and heading past the rows of office doors and towards the exit. I hoped to make it outside and to my car without any more distractions, but I stopped quickly and took a deep breath as my boss called out my name before I had a chance to escape.

“Colette, did you get that last report in?” He asked, rolling his chair back from his desk to catch a glimpse of me through his door.

I closed my eyes and pressed my lips together, taking a step backwards and then turning to look at him with a smile. “Yes, I just finished it. Is there anything else you need?” I crossed my fingers internally, hoping he didn’t.

“Great, thanks. Nope, that was all. But for the next two weeks, I’ll have a few extra jobs for you, just to get ahead in preparation for when you’ll be working remote from overseas.”

I nodded. “Of course, whatever you need me to do, I’ll be glad to.”

He smiled. “You’re a great asset to the team. It’ll be tough without you in the office. We were a mess while you were…missing.” He said quietly, not sure how to address the topic. Some people seemed to treat it that way, like it was a taboo subject that might send me over the edge of my emotions, when in reality, I looked back at the experience with yearning.

I leaned against his door frame. “Well, I really appreciate that you will be allowing me to work remote. I know it was a strange request.”

He leaned back in his seat, showing a relaxed posture. “Nah, I trust you, and I’m sure you’ll keep up with the work just fine.”

I smiled and nodded, grateful for his casual confidence in me.

“Well, you have a nice weekend, Colette.” He waved me off. “Get outta here, go have some fun.”

I grinned, glad he was letting me go without an extra task at five o’clock on a Friday. “Thanks, you too. Bye!”

I turned on my heel and finished my escape to the door, eager to meet Lainey and get ready for our evening, hoping to take my mind off of Aidan for a few more hours.

***

“Oh my God, this is fabulous.” Lainey oohed and ahhed, fluffing up her dark auburn waves as we made our way into the bar. “I still can’t believe I haven’t made it here until now.”

It was a high-class place, with plush velvet seating, a colorfully lit bar area, and a small dance floor, all overlooking a rooftop deck. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been out for a night like this, even before the island. It wasn’t really my scene, and I often felt uncomfortable in large crowds of people in various stages of tipsy-ness, but it was a welcome distraction tonight, and I smiled, straightening out my tasteful, but fun, little black dress.

Lainey was very much single, and she’d let anyone know she was ready to mingle, so it was no surprise that she’d dressed to the nines, in a little red number, and her makeup just a touch overdone. I, on the other hand, was here just for her sake, and would prefer not to converse too much with strangers, other than to help her land a date, so my makeup was simple, and my dress erred on the side of modest, but just flirty enough to make sense at a bar on a Friday night. I’d complained about the prospect of the night to Aidan the last time we’d Skyped, telling him that I would much rather spend the evening at home, but he’d encouraged me to be there for Lainey and have some fun myself. Even though he said he didn’t really care for the nightclub scene anymore either, I could see in his face that he wished a little bit that he could enjoy it with me.

At the bar, Lainey ordered a mojito and I ordered a Sprite with cranberry, hoping to make it look like I was drinking something harder, and that no one would bother me about it.

“So, twenty-nine…” I smiled, leaning against the bar and looking out at the rest of the patrons. “The last year of your twenties. What are you gonna do with it?”

Lainey rolled her eyes. “Ugh, don’t even remind me…and you’re next, so don’t get too cocky.”

I smirked. “Hey, I’ve got another month of glorious twenty-eight, and I’m going to especially enjoy next year, when I get to hang on to my twenties for a few more weeks than you.”

“Aidan turns thirty-four this summer, right?” Lainey asked.

“Yep.” I replied, taking a sip of my drink.

“His thirties seem to be treating him well…I hope I look that good at thirty-four.” She laughed.

I smirked again, thinking about how handsome he was, which in turn caused me to remember how much I wished he was here again. And then I looked down into my pale pink soda and frowned.

Lainey noticed my expression and took my wrist quickly, dragging me towards one of the velvet sofas. “Sorry, my bad. No talk of Aidan tonight. You’re half-way through your separation…half way to Cornwall, tonight is a night to celebrate.”

I held my drink in my lap as I sat down and looked up at her. “No, you’re right, and I’m sorry. It’s your day anyway. I’m eager to see who you might pick up tonight.” I snickered, raising an eyebrow at her.

She rolled her eyes. “I’m not _picking up_ anyone tonight. Maybe a dance and a number, but I’m going home with you, thank you very much. I’m not about that life right now.”

I laughed. “Very well…I get that. See anyone you like?” I looked around the room, studying the many men in various states of intoxication, trying to desperately catch some poor woman’s attention. Everyone seemed to be having fun, but I did not envy their singleness. I was eternally grateful that I didn’t have to play that game anymore.

“Eh, not particularly.” I heard her say next to me, but my eyes were suddenly focused on stranger across the room. He was holding a half-empty bottle of beer in his hand and it was almost sliding out of his hand, dangling precariously close to spilling all over the floor. His eyes were heavy lidded, and he was staring directly at me.

I cleared my throat and looked away quickly. I didn’t need to be catching anyone’s attention tonight or making anyone think I was interested. I turned to Lainey, who was finishing off her first drink. “Do you want me to grab you another?” I asked.

“No no, I’ve got it. I actually see someone at the bar I’d like to make eyes at anyway.” She smirked, standing up. “Do you need another?”

I looked down at my drink, which was still almost full. “No, I’m still nursing this Sprite.” I laughed.

Lainey nodded and chuckled, turning to the bar. “Yeah, best to take it slow.”

I sat back on the sofa, looking down at my lap, and straightening my dress against my mostly flat stomach. Just over the past few days, I felt like I was beginning to notice a slight change, and maybe the hint of a bump, but it was so minimal, that I may as well have been bloated from a big meal. Nevertheless, soon, I’d be showing for real, and then we’d have to start talking.

I watched Lainey at the bar, talking to a tall, blonde man. She flicked her hair from her shoulder, and I smirked, watching her make her moves. I hoped, for her sake, that she’d meet someone nice, who would treat her well. She’d been through the wringer a few times, and she deserved a break.

When I raised my cup to my mouth again, I saw a reflection in the glass that made me jump, and I spun my head quickly to my right, eyes landing a man sitting next to me; the very same man who had stared at me from across the room.

A crooked, drunk smile was plastered on his face and he already had his arm on the back of the sofa behind me as he scooted in closer.

“Hey there, sweetheart, can I get you another?” His words were slurred as he reached out, trying to take my drink from my hand.

I pulled it away quickly and scooted a few more inches from him. “No, thank you, I’m fine.” I replied sternly. He was uncomfortably close to me. I could smell the beer on his breath.

“Come on, loosen up, beautiful.” He leaned in again and this time, placed his hand on my hair, trying to brush it behind my ear.

I immediately remembered why I didn’t come to places like this, and pushed his hand away. “Please, don’t touch me. I’m fine, thank you.” It took every ounce of my being to be polite and not make a scene, but he was not letting up. He moved closer still.

“I was looking at you from across the room, did you see? I think you’re absolutely gorgeous.” He leaned his face in closer to mine, breathing his heavily intoxicated breath all over the side of my face.

I leaned myself as far away from him as I could, but when he reached out his hand again, I stood up swiftly and he fell onto the spot on the sofa where I’d been sitting, clearly at a loss for balance.

“I said no, thank you. I’m not interested.” I breathed heavily, stepping backwards from him in an effort to turn him away without causing a scene, but I felt myself collide with someone else behind me, and I spun around immediately to apologize.

“Oh, I’m sor-“ I began, but my eyes widened and I stepped backwards again, this time back towards the man away from a new distaste.

“Hello Colette.” Jane smirked, staring down at me from her impossibly tall heels.

My face contorted into an expression of disgust that I quickly replaced with one of artificial politeness. “Oh, hi…” Was all I could manage to get out in my shock. LA was a huge city. What were the odds of running into her? I supposed those odds were higher at a brand-new upscale bar in the middle of downtown. She _would_ come to a place like this.

“Enjoying yourself?” She grinned, nodding to the drunk man on the sofa that had just been touching my hair.

I glanced at him quickly, realizing how it must have looked. But he was still bent over and hadn’t sat up. He appeared to be on the edge of falling asleep at this point.

My eyes met Jane’s again, and I saw that she was watching me mischievously. I cleared my throat. “Oh…yeah, you know how it is…can’t get away from guys like that at places like this…I’m sure you’re used to it too.” I tried to give her a friendly smile.

She slipped her phone into her purse and took a sip of her drink, a pink cosmopolitan, never taking her eyes from me. “Of course, you have to keep your options open.” Her expression was so obviously evil, but she tried to cover it up with an innocent grin.

I set my jaw and narrowed my eyes slightly. “Clearly, that was not my intention tonight. I’m here with my friend for her birthday.”

“Oh, how fun!” Her tone of voice was painfully fake as she feigned excitement.

I crossed my arms, not interested in participating in any forced small talk with her, and hoping she’d get on with it and leave me be.

I watched as she read my disinterest and then her eyes darted to the man on the sofa behind me again, before meeting mine with a pointed look. “Aidan’s away filming, isn’t he?”

I tapped my foot as she spoke. “Does it really matter to you?”

She grinned again, and I watched the evil wheels turn in her head. “Clearly it matters to _you_. Glad you’re having a bit of fun. Cheers.” She stepped forward and walked directly past me, letting her long dark hair flick my bare shoulder as she went.

I grimaced at her choice of word. ‘Cheers’ was not a common expression of speech in LA, other than to toast, but Aidan said it often in passing. I knew she’d picked it up from him, and a small part of me wondered if she’d used it just now to get on my nerves.

I took a deep and steady breath, trying to not let myself linger on my anger towards her. She didn’t deserve my energy.

Turning around, I saw that the drunk stranger was now sound asleep on the sofa, and Lainey was coming back from the bar with a new drink in her hands. She immediately saw the man in the spot I’d been sitting and then her eyes met mine with worry.

“What happened?” She asked.

I sighed, gesturing to him. “Being alone at a bar as a young woman happened.”

She frowned. “Man, they really flock to you, don’t they? Are you alright?”

“Yeah I’m fine…” I replied, looking around the room to see where Jane had gone, but she was nowhere in sight.

“What’s wrong?” Lainey asked, noticing my darting eyes.

I bit my lip and looked at her with and exhausted expression. “Jane is here.”

“ _What?”_ Lainey responded breathlessly, leaning in. “You saw her here?”

I sighed. “She stopped to talk to me. I think she saw him trying to get close to me.” I pointed at Mr. Intoxication.

Lainey brought her hand to her cheek with a worried expression. “Do you think she thought…?”

I stopped her. “No, he was clearly drunk, and I was clearly avoiding him at all costs. But she sure knows how to show up at the worst times, doesn’t she?” I ran my had through my hair.

“Do you want to leave?” Lainey asked.

I looked up at her quickly. “What? Oh, no, this is your night, I would never want to ruin it for you…I’m fine.”

She waved me off. “I’m honestly not really into anyone here anyway. Talked to a cute guy at the bar. Turns out, he still lives in his parents’ basement. I’m kinda over it at this point. Let’s just go back to your place and watch a movie.”

I watched her skeptically. “Are you sure?”

She took a long swig of her drink and then set it on a nearby table. “Yes, I’m sure. You don’t need to be anywhere near Jane, and I don’t need to be trying to live my college years all over again. Let’s get outta here.”

She nudged me towards the door, and I only hesitated for a moment, before gladly giving into her suggestion, which I would have preferred from the start of the evening. I looked behind me one more time but still didn’t see Jane, and I crossed my fingers, hoping this was the last time I ever did.

By the time we made it back to the house, it was just after midnight, which meant it was 8am in Cornwall. I knew they didn’t shoot on Saturdays, so Aidan was probably sleeping in, but he’d told me to text him when I made it back home, so I sat down on the sofa and pulled out my phone as Lainey changed into sweats.

_We’re home. Not that much fun, so we’re watching a movie. -C_

His response was immediate, and I smiled, realizing he must have been waiting for me.

_Not fun? For you or Lainey? -A_

_Neither of us…Lainey had no luck, a drunk tried to hit on me, and Jane was there. -C_

_What??? -A_

_I know. She sure can’t keep her distance. -C_

_Did you speak with her? -A_

_Briefly. She didn’t have much to say. She knows you’re away filming though. -C_

_I figured…I’m sorry you had to run into her. Who was hitting on you? -A_

_He wasn’t so much hitting on me as he was falling asleep trying to buy me a drink… -C_

_That sounds brutal. Glad you’re home now. -A_

_I’m pretty exhausted. Not sure I’ll even make it through the movie. What are your plans for the day? -C_

_First, going back to sleep, then Jack, Luke and I are going to check out a beach later. -A_

_Oh, that sounds like fun. -C_

_Yeah, it’ll be alright, I guess. Let me know when you wake up. Can’t wait to Skype later. -A_

_Me too. Love you, goodnight -C_

_All my love <3 Goodnight -A_

I set my phone on the end table and stood up slowly from the sofa. Every time I got to speak with him, even through text, I felt just a bit calmer, but also a bit more eager to see him again. I was glad he didn’t seem too terribly worried about my encounter with Jane. That fact put me a peace, just a little bit.

Lainey and I sat in front of the large tv screen eating popcorn and M&Ms, watching one of our very favorite movies, Pretty Woman. It was a classic, and we never got tired of it. Even though I let Lainey choose it for her birthday, I probably would have chosen it myself too.

We giggled and commented on our favorite scenes, and I soon felt my eyelids grow heavier. It felt like we were pulling one of our early college all-nighters, except now, for a variety of reasons, I was much more tired than I’d ever been back in those days. I rubbed my eyes as the movie came to an end and Richard Gere rode up in front of Julia Roberts’ apartment, standing through the sunroof and then conquering his fears to climb up to her window despite his dread of heights.

I smiled at the screen, always appreciating a good love story, and always content with watching the same ones over and over again, especially now, when I was living a magical one myself.

Lainey had pulled out her phone, scrolling through absently as the credits scrolled on the screen, and then she shot up from her relaxed position and held the phone closer to her face.

“Oh my God…Colette…check Jane’s Twitter…right now…oh my God…” Her eyes were glued to her phone.

My heart skipped a beat and I scrambled to grab my phone from the end table next to me, navigating quickly towards my Twitter feed and scrolling to find Jane’s recent activity. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but what my eyes were met with wasn’t even on the list of options that my mind had come up with in the few short seconds it took to open the app.

A series of photos filled my screen, all of them of me, sitting next to Mr. Intoxicated on the sofa at the bar. In one of them, his face was inches away from mine, in another, he was reaching for my drink, and in the last, his hand was just barely touching my hair.

I gasped. For how brief the encounter was and how quickly I had denied his advances and backed away, these photos did not portray my disgust well. My shocked expression could almost be confused for a flattered one. I immediately cursed myself for trying to be so polite.

And then my eyes shifted to the accompanying text that Jane had included in her tweet.

_"Lovely. He clearly didn’t realize that when he cheated on me with her, she’d be paying him back the favor."_

I gasped again and let the phone drop to my lap, wiping my hands down my face. “Freaking… Jane…you have _got_ to be kidding me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/ESKcreativeworks)   
>  [YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC50T7A4XczK5VVEY7-2GUHQ)   
>  [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/eskcreative/)


	46. Tweet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a busy week for me. Thanks for your patience! Enjoy!

“Ughhhhh…she can’t just post pictures of me like that without my permission, can she?” I pleaded with Lainey while I scrolled through the replies to Jane’s tweet. Many of the commenters questioned the validity of her accusations, but there were a few who supported her and offered their negative comments about me. Their words weren’t pleasant to read, and I frowned, setting the phone down in front of me again.

“I mean…technically you could probably force her to take them down…” Lainey replied, watching me with worry. “Maybe you can message her and ask her to knock it off?”

I sighed and leaned back, letting my head fall back on the sofa. “It’s no use, the photos are out there now. Aidan is gonna flip…”

“So, like, what was her motive here?” Lainey asked. “What is she going to get out of these accusations?”

“That’s exactly my question.” I rubbed the bridge of my nose and picked up my phone again, looking at the time. It was 2:30am. “I need to go call Aidan…”

I stood up from the sofa and shuffled my way back to our bedroom, climbing onto the bed and taking a deep breath before pulling up our messages and typing one to him.

_Are you free to chat? Jane’s lost it again. -C_

I stared at the screen of my phone for a moment, hoping to see the three little dots appear, indicating that he was responding, but I knew he wasn’t expecting anything from me at this hour. For all I knew, he was already at the beach with Jack and Luke

I brought my fingers to my temples and massaged in circles, trying to figure out how to handle this situation. Should we ignore her and not give her the satisfaction of knowing that she’d affected us? Should we intervene and ask her to remove the photos? That would barely do any good at this point. What was posted on the internet once, stayed there forever.

I stared down at the dark screen of my phone on the white duvet in front of me, waiting anxiously for Aidan’s response. I wasn’t even sure what I was going to say. Would he be suspicious of me, after seeing the photos? Would he trust that I was denying this man’s advances? The photos looked pretty incriminating, but he didn’t have any reason to be angry with me, right? I never imagined I’d ever be in a situation where someone would accuse me of cheating on Aidan. The thought made me scoff.

I wondered how quickly Aidan would feel like he needed to act. Would he feel the need to contact Jane right away and set her straight?

Suddenly my phone lit up with Aidan’s name and began to chime loudly, indicating an incoming Skype call from him. He hadn’t even taken the time to text me back; he went right to the call. Did he already know?

I lifted the phone in front of me and initially saw my own worried face reflected back at myself. I quickly selected the option to answer the call, which shifted my image down to the corner and Aidan appeared in front of me.

His dark curls hung slightly damp around his face and his deep caramel eyes told me that he was concerned.

“What’s Jane done?” He asked immediately.

Regardless of the situation, every time I saw his face again on one of our Skype calls, butterflies took flight in my stomach and I had to blink a few times as I was reminded of how painfully gorgeous he was.

“Has anyone told you yet? It was less than an hour ago…” I frowned, afraid to tell him myself.

“Told me what? What did she do?

I watched him sit down at the table in his apartment and prop his phone up so that he could focus on me clearly.

I scrunched my nose. “Twitter…she got photos of me at the bar earlier, and posted them…”

His eyebrows pulled together tightly. “What? No, no one’s said anything to me. Can you send me a screenshot?”

I took a deep breath and navigated back to my Twitter feed to capture her post. “She’s evil, Aidan…I don’t even know what to say anymore…” I tentatively sent the screenshot to him.

His brow continued to furrow as I watched him open up my message and study the photo. It didn’t seem like his grimace could deepen any further, but it did. I watched him for a moment, expecting an angry outburst, but he simply glared at the screen as his eyes moved back and forth, reading Jane’s caption.

When he was finished, he sat back in his seat and stared at me. I felt my heart beating heavily in my chest as I waited for his reaction, but he was silent for a moment; just a scowl was plastered on his face.

I began to become worried that maybe he _was_ angry with me. I held my phone in front of me with a shaking hand. “The photos…they don’t do the situation justice…I was trying to back away from him…really…”

Aidan blinked quickly and sat forward again as his eyes became sympathetic. “Oh, I know, Colette, don’t worry, I’m not angry with you. I’m not even focused on that. Jane loves to twist things out of proportion. I trust you. But this behavior from her is just…”

He balled his hand up into a fist and he squeezed his eyes shut, so I took a breath and spoke in his silence. “It’s like she won’t let go…like she wants to get you all fired up.”

Aidan gritted his teeth and opened his eyes again. There was a pain in them now. “I can’t believe she’s bringing you into this…she’s crossed a line.” His voice began to rise slightly.

I opened my mouth to reply but he continued without pause. “It’s one thing if she wants to call me out on _my_ actions, but none of this was your fault, and nothing should be blamed on you…How dare she drag your image through the mud like that?” He ran his fingers, clenched and stiff, through his hair in anger. “I’m going to make sure she regrets this…”

I frowned at his impending rage. “Aidan…that’s exactly what she wants. She wants to see you react. Don’t give her that satisfaction…”

“NO. I refuse to let her get away with this. She’s reached a new low.” He sighed. “Now I’m embarrassed that I was ever connected to her. The woman is insane…”

I looked down at the bed in front of me without really seeing it. He wasn’t wrong. Jane had gone off the deep end. She was exerting so much energy on something that was long over. I knew she knew it, so why did she still feel the need to drag out the drama?

“I’m calling her right now. She’s taking those down immediately.” Aidan growled.

“Aidan, it’s almost 3am here…maybe you should wait until tomorrow…” I pleaded quietly.

He scoffed. “What, so, she can post this garbage late into the night, but I am expected to sit back and wait until an appropriate hour to respond? I don’t think that’s how it works.”

I sighed and rubbed my forehead. There was no use arguing with him when he was in this state, but I had to try. “Maybe you should just go to the beach and let this pass over.”

He glared again. “Ugh, this is why I avoid social media at all costs. If this were just about me, I’d let it go, but I’m not going to let her pull you into this. In an ideal world, I’d like to hop on a plane right now and give Jane a piece of my mind, face-to-face.”

I frowned, understanding his surge of anger, but wishing his emotions were strong in a different way; enough to hop on a plane to see _me_ face-to-face.

I could sense that he saw my expression fall, because his became softer in response. “Look, I’m not going to let Jane speak about you this way. You may think it’s better to let it go, but I’m not going to lie down and let her trample all over us, and especially not you. That is where I draw the line.”

I let out a long breath. “Well, please just know that I’m ok. I’m irritated with her false accusations, but I also know that they come from a place of bitter spite, and I do think that eventually, she’s gonna move on.”

His jaw was still set firmly as he watched me. He wasn’t likely to change his mind, and I was too tired to convince him any further. Feeling exhaustion take over me finally, I tried to stifle a yawn that I couldn’t contain.

“Colette, you need to sleep.” His voice was quiet but stern.

I brought my hand to my mouth as a second yawn escaped. “Yeah…I know.”

He sat forward and I saw his gentle eyes meet mine through the screen. “You shouldn’t be up this late. It’s not good for you…or the baby. You go get some sleep. I’ll get this sorted out.”

I hesitated before responding. I really was exhausted, but I also didn’t want Aidan to do something he would regret. I watched him with a cautious gaze. “Just…don’t make her even more angry…”

He gritted his teeth. “There will be words. She needs to know how ‘not ok’ this is."

I took one last deep breath. I wasn’t going to try to tell him how to deal with his own ex-girlfriend. But I could tell that Jane’s use of me to get to him had hit a nerve, hard. “Well, let me know if you need me to do anything here on my end.”

“I need you to get some sleep.” He responded quietly.

I nodded gently, and I watched his sad, angry eyes, which seemed almost more shattered than my sleep-deprived ones were. “I just wish you were here.”

His shoulders slumped and his expression became sympathetic. “I know, love…we’ll be together again soon. You just keep taking care of yourself.”

I closed my eyes briefly and memorized the sound of his voice, so that I could hold onto it until I spoke with him again. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Colette. Text me when you wake up.” A hint of a warm smile crossed his face, but I could see that it was forced. He was fully focused on getting in contact with Jane at this point, and he couldn’t wait to get me off to sleep.

“Goodnight.” I said quietly.

“Goodnight.” He replied. And then the screen went black.

***

Late the next morning, I sat at the kitchen counter with Lainey, absentmindedly gliding my spoon through the bowl of cereal in front of me.

“So, I saw that Jane took down the photos.” Lainey said quietly, as she took a bite from her own bowl. “Aidan must have had success then?”

I looked up at her briefly. “Oh, yeah, he texted me earlier this morning and he said that she agreed to take them down.”

“How did he manage that?” Lainey asked incredulously.

I frowned, remembering how on edge he was last night. “I think he got pretty stern with her. He didn’t seem like he was going to take no for an answer.”

“Wow, I’m impressed…” Lainey mused.

I nodded. “I think Jane is still very much at his mercy. She’s angry with him, but I think she’d walk through fire for him.”

“Does that bother you?” She paused. “That she’s still so wrapped up in him?”

I pondered the idea for a moment. “A little, but at the same time, I’m not surprised. He has that way about him. He had me wrapped around his finger before I even met him.” Sighing, I set my spoon down. “Jane is not a good person. She’s selfish, and sneaky and devious. She doesn’t deserve Aidan, and she knows it. But while I’m not sure if she ever truly cared for him, I think she did care for the relationship they had, or else she wouldn’t be making such a scene now. She knew she had something good, and I think it is probably slightly tragic for her that she’s lost him. I can sympathize with her there. He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I feel a bit guilty that I took that away from her.”

Lainey watched me with compassion. “You didn’t take anything away from her. Aidan chose _you_. He could have just as easily chosen her, but he knew what a wonderful thing he had when you came into his life.”

I grimaced slightly, as my brain immediately wanted to respond back with doubt and pointless arguments about how I was his only option on the island, but I stopped myself, because I knew that those doubts would do me no good. I’d managed to extinguish them, mostly, but they still creeped into the back of my mind in moments like this.

“What’s with that face?” Lainey asked.

I blinked and looked back down at my bowl, not realizing I’d been so obvious. “I just hope he continues to choose me, and doesn’t feel like he has to.”

“Have you seen the way he looks at you?” She asked, leaning forward and smiling. “He’s so in love with you, Colette. I think he’s in it for the long haul.”

I looked up at her. “Do you think so?”

She smirked and placed her spoon in her mouth. “I’m surprised he hasn’t popped the question yet.”

I felt my cheeks turn red and I looked away quickly. “Oh, I don’t think we’re there yet…I mean, we haven’t even known each other for six months.”

“Yeah, but you’ve already been through so much. Your history is longer than the months would tell, plus, you’ve got that little one on the way.” She gestured towards my stomach.

I rubbed it gently in response. “See, that’s exactly what I don’t want, though. The baby shouldn’t be the reason we stay together.”

She looked at me pointedly and took a breath. “Colette, if you weren’t pregnant, would you still want to be with him?”

I raised an eyebrow, surprised by her silly question. “Well, of course.”

She raised an eyebrow back at me. “Then what’s to say he doesn’t feel, in his own mind, the exact same way that you do?”

I pursed my lips and thought about what she’d said for a moment. I loved him with such an intense, desperate, deep, and profound kind of love. I knew that he loved me back, but for some reason, I’d never let myself consider the idea that he could possibly love me to the same degree. My heart skipped a beat as I fathomed the possibility. I smiled down at the white countertop and brought my hand to my stomach again.

“I think he does, Colette.” Lainey smirked and looked at my hand. “Hey, by the way, do you still think it’s a boy?”

I grinned and looked at her. “I’m pretty sure it’s a boy. I feel pretty strongly about it. Aidan is still set on a girl though.” I laughed.

“Have you talked about any names?”

“Not yet, and I don’t think we will until we know the gender.” I ran my fingers gently across my abdomen, excited about the prospect of naming our tiny little bean. Would he or she take his last name, even if we weren’t married? It seemed like the right thing to do, but we hadn’t even really talked about it yet. I was beginning to realize that we still had so much to discuss.

“Oh, I miss him so much…” The words fell out of my mouth in a breath of despair, completely unstoppable and laced with emotion.

Lainey stood up and rinsed her bowl in the sink. “Two weeks…and then you’ll be together for a full month. You’ve got this.”

I chuckled slightly. “Sorry, I’m pathetic…”

Lainey laughed too. “Nah, you’re in love. I’m envious.” She dried her hands on a towel and grabbed her purse, slinging it over her shoulder. “Alright, I’ve gotta head out. We’re still on for lunch tomorrow?”

I smiled and nodded as she leaned in and hugged me before turning on her heel and heading out the front door, leaving me alone.

I stood up from my stool and walked to the sink to wash our dishes. I let the warm, soapy bubbles sooth my hands as I scrubbed gently in silence. My mind drifted first to Jane. I wondered if I’d ever see her again. I was beginning to think that it was almost inevitable that I would. The question now had become; what would that encounter look like? She’d deleted the tweet and the photos, but how did she feel about the fact that Aidan had to use force to convince her to do so? She’d been put in her place, at least for now. How would she react to me, knowing things had gone my way again, instead of hers?

What would it take for her to finally accept that it was time for her to move on? Would she need to meet someone else, or would she eventually let go on her own? Would the eventual knowledge of my pregnancy ultimately give her the closure she needed, or would it fire her up even more? I grimaced. I didn’t particularly want to know.

As I dried the last dish, I thought about Aidan and the way he’d looked at me last night. Initially, I’d felt as though he reacted too strongly, but after my conversation with Lainey, I was beginning to realize why he’d acted the way he had. In his eyes, I’d seen so much distress over the fact that Jane had used me to get to him. He never once expressed his anger over the bad image she might be casting upon _him_. He was solely focused on Jane’s targeting of _me_ , and false accusations of _me_. His rage did not come from a place of self-preservation, but rather a place of protection; protection for me.

I lifted my eyes to gaze at the mantle above the fireplace across the room. Propped gently against the wall was the small wooden heart that Aidan had carved for me on the island. I slowly walked over and touched its smooth, curved edges gently. He’d very literally given his heart to me that day, and while I’d appreciated it more than I could have ever imagined in that moment, I was now finally becoming able to see it for what it truly was.

As badly as I wanted him to be happy, and wanted him to achieve his goals, and wanted him to be here with me, holding me tightly in his arms, he wanted those things for me just the same. It was hard to fathom that he could look at me with as much admiration as I did him, but by some stroke of perfect luck and beautiful fate, he did.

I took the small heart from the mantle and held it against my chest. I imagined the feel of his warm, strong arms around me, and the sensation of his lips on my forehead; his stubble gently brushing my cheek as he tilted his head down to kiss me. I longed for his scent; for his body heat; for his perfect eyes, focused only on me.

I barely knew how I would make it another thirteen days before running into his arms, but there was a small solace in the knowledge that he was desperately waiting for me too. Extended periods of time apart like this was our new normal. It was a far cry from the months on the island, with only each other for company, but if we could survive starvation and sickness and injuries _together_ , then our deep love would carry us through these stretches of absence that we faced now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/ESKcreativeworks)   
>  [YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC50T7A4XczK5VVEY7-2GUHQ)   
>  [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/eskcreative/)


	47. Cornwall

I tapped my toe anxiously as the plane taxied to that gate at Cornwall Airport. It was a beautiful sunny day, which perfectly harmonized with the joy that was in my heart. The wait was finally over. Aidan and I were finally in the same country again, and I would be in his arms again soon. During the descent to the runway, my eyes had been locked to the beautiful cliffs and the foamy white waves that crashed into them. Now, looking out the window, we were surrounded by nothing but rolling green hills and small farmhouses. It was absolutely beautiful, and I couldn’t believe I’d finally made it.

The journey from LA to Cornwall had been an exhausting one. There were no direct flights, so, coincidentally, I’d actually flown through Dublin. I was incredibly nervous to travel alone for the first time after the crash, but I managed to hold my nerves together with the help of Aidan’s encouraging words in the days prior. My trip had started on Friday evening. I flew through the night, and with the time difference, landed in Dublin at 2:00pm. After that, I was faced with a twenty-hour layover before my flight to Cornwall. So, Aidan had arranged for his parents to pick me up and drive me over to his home for the night. They took me to dinner first, and despite my nerves about being alone with them, we got along well, and I enjoyed my time with them. I was repeatedly grateful for how they treated me with such kindness and acceptance, and they were starting to feel like family to me. We talked mostly about the baby, and they told stories of Aidan when he was young, warning me of the mischief our future child would likely get into. It was a pleasant evening, and I appreciated getting to know them better, but I was also glad when they’d finally dropped me back off at the house, and I could try to get some sleep before my flight in the morning.

It had been odd sleeping in Aidan’s home alone. The last memories I’d had there were very much filled with him, during our trip to Dublin over a month prior. We’d had so much fun that week, laughing and cooking and snuggling in bed, but last night, the house had been so empty and quiet without him.

Now, here I was, finally landed in Cornwall, after an almost thirty-five-hour journey. It was noon now, and Aidan had sent someone named Theo from production to pick me up, since he wouldn’t have made it in time before he was done filming this morning. He had the afternoon off though, and he’d be meeting me when I arrived at his temporary apartment in St. Agnes, where they were currently shooting the scenes in fictional Nampara Valley.

I could barely contain my excitement as the plane pulled up to the gate and I stood up to grab my bag from above my head. The butterflies in my stomach had taken on a mind of their own as I imagined the feeling of Aidan’s arms around me again. It had been thirty days since I’d felt his embrace, and the longing in my heart was as more real than it had ever been. Last night, when we’d spoken on the phone one last time before today, I had heard the excitement in his voice, and I hadn’t been able to wipe the smile off my face, knowing he was just as eager as I was. It may have only been a month, but to us, in comparison to the way our relationship had been built so far, with so much closeness, it felt like a year.

After waiting in line anxiously and finally disembarking the plane, I almost skipped my way to baggage claim, found my suitcase, and then turned towards the crowd of impatient locals, waiting for their visitors to arrive. I scanned their faces, trying to figure out which one was Theo, and then my eyes landed on a man holding a piece of paper in front of him with my name written on it. He was tall, with sandy blonde hair, and he looked to be about my age.

I smiled and walked towards him, extending my hand. “Theo?”

There was a relief in his eyes when he saw that I’d found him, and he shook my hand firmly. “Colette, it’s wonderful to meet you. How was your flight?”

I smiled, picking up on his English accent right away. I assumed he must be a local. “Well, this last one was a breeze, but it’s been a long two days of traveling.”

He politely took my suitcase from me and we both began our walk towards the exit. “Ah, I’m sure it was. Welcome to Cornwall. Have you visited before?”

I shook my head, practically bouncing my way out the door with him. I was so excited to finally be here. “Nope, this is my first time.” I grinned.

“I hope you enjoy your stay. I always love any chance to visit here myself.”

“Where are you from?” I asked.

“Originally, Bristol. But I’m based out of London now with the production team.” He replied, lifting my bag into the car.

I took my seat on the passenger side and felt my phone buzz in my hand.

_All done with filming for the day and headed back to my place. Did you find Theo? -A_

I responded quickly, barely believing I was so close to seeing him again.

_Yes, we are on our way now! -C_

_See you in a few <3 -A_

I grasped my phone tightly and looked out the window with a grin as Theo pulled out of the parking lot and we began our way down winding roads between vast green pastures.

“It’s a thirty-minute drive to St. Agnes.” Theo said. “How long has it been since you’ve seen Aidan?”

“It’s been a month.” I replied, distracted by the beauty of the sea that had just come into view. The cliffs, tall and strong, met the crashing waves below, and I could hardly believe I was in this majestic place. Even though Aidan was a wonderfully different part of my life now – not someone to fawn over from afar, but someone to love and be close with – I still was and would always be a huge fan of Poldark, and it had been my dream for a long time to experience the beautiful landscapes from the show. I even saw a sign for Truro at one point during the drive, and I had to contain my inner squeal.

Theo drove silently for a moment and then cleared his throat. “I have to ask…” He paused. “The island…what was it like?”

I took a deep breath, trying to formulate an abridged version of the story so that we didn’t have to talk about it for the entire half hour drive. I had to admit, I was tired of telling it, but I could understand why each new person I met was curious for the details. “It was terrifying, and it was difficult, but it was also peaceful and rewarding. I have mixed emotions about it when I really remember it for what it was.”

“Do you wish you were still there, then?” He asked quietly.

“Some days.” I replied. “But it wasn’t practical, and we’re much safer here. I’m glad to have experienced it though, I can say that for sure.”

“I bet it’s been tough to get back into the routine of daily life.” He suggested.

“It is, but routine is so much different now anyway. There are different priorities.” I continued before he had a chance to, taking the opportunity to change the subject. “So, what do you do…in regards to the production team?”

“I’m basically a runner. Whatever small or large random task that needs to be done; they’ll assign me. Things like this – runs to the airport, or picking up lunch, running to the shops to buy extra props, sometimes grip work.”

“So, kind of a Jack of all trades?” I asked, smiling,

He chuckled. “Hardly…but yeah, I try to get my hands in wherever I can.”

We continued to talk for the rest of the drive. I asked about some of the other projects he’d worked on, and he told me about some local cafes and eateries that Aidan and I might enjoy while I was visiting. Theo was nice, and he was friendly and polite, but I could barely focus on our conversation, because I was preoccupied with focusing on each and every building we passed, wondering if it might be Aidan’s apartment. I was anxious for the moment when Theo would slow down and turn into one of the lots. I just wanted to see Aidan’s face, to pull him into me, to feel him hold me tight. And nothing, no matter how interesting or stimulating, was going to distract me from my thoughts that were intently focused on those desires.

“Alright, this is it.” Theo said after another few moments.

My heart leapt into my throat and my eyes immediately focused on the row of attached apartments, overlooking rolling green hills dotted with dark trees. I scanned the doors as we drove through the long lot in front of them. Which one was he behind? I could barely contain myself. I’d never missed someone so much in my entire life.

At first, there was no one in sight, but then my gaze landed on the last unit on the left, because just outside stood a man with dark curls and broad shoulders, leaning against the door frame.

 _My_ man.

 _My_ Aidan.

A crooked, eager grin played on his face, and his eyes met mine through the windshield as we pulled into a spot in front of the door.

He was gorgeous – more gorgeous that I had even remembered, and I couldn’t tear my gaze from him. I almost forgot my manners to Theo, but I turned quickly to him and smiled.

“Thanks so much for the ride.” My words were almost breathless, and my hand was already on the car door, pushing it open.

The next few seconds were a blur as I stepped out onto the gravel ground and focused all of my energy on reaching Aidan as fast as I could.

I crossed the distance towards him, and he descended the few steps from his door and met me halfway, enveloping me in his arms.

The moment we made contact and I buried my head in his shoulder, I immediately felt peace. Worries of travel, worries of pregnancy, worries of Jane – they were all removed temporarily in that instant as I felt his embrace again.

I breathed him in – all cedar and leather and amber. I felt my body relax into him, and then I leaned back to look into his eyes, which were almost golden in the sunlight. He smiled again and then dipped his head to kiss me gently. It was sweet and tender, filled with repressed longing and a bit of hesitancy because Theo was still behind me unloading my bag from the car.

Aidan broke the kiss and squeezed my shoulders gently before stepping past me to take my bags.

“Thanks Theo. Good man. I appreciate it.” His voice was deep and grateful.

“Not a problem, mate.” Theo replied shaking Aidan’s hand. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He smiled, and then met my gaze, nodding once before getting back into the car and pulling away from the parking lot.

Aidan took my bag in one hand and extended his other towards me. A wide smile spread across his face. “Welcome to Cornwall.”

I grinned like a schoolgirl and placed my small hand in his large one, allowing him to lead me up the steps and through the front door.

Inside was a small living space, studio style, with a bed, sofa, small dining table, and kitchenette all in the same room. To the right was a door the led to a small bathroom and another that looked like a closet. The place was sparsely decorated, but had just enough amenities for one or two people to live comfortably for a short period of time.

Aidan placed my bag down just inside the door and then turned and took my waist in his hands, pulling me against him firmly and immediately finding my lips with his. I didn’t even have time to catch his gaze as he kissed me deeply and passionately. His mouth was urgent on mine, and instinctively, I brought my hands to the back of his neck and tangled my fingers in the curls that hung there.

His body was so warm, and firm, and strong against mine, and I realized I’d forgotten how large he was during our month-long absence. I felt completely dwarfed by his figure as he easily wrapped his arms all the way around me.

After what felt like an eternity and an instant at the same time, he slowly broke the kiss and stepped back. His face became sentimental and he looked down, placing his palm gently on my stomach. “How is she?”

I smirked and rolled my eyes. “Or _he_ …”

“Nah, it’s a girl.” His eyes crinkled in amusement.

I laughed. “You’re gonna be embarrassed when you’re proven wrong.”

“Well, let that day come as it may.” He rubbed my stomach softly and looked back up at me.

I sighed. “I’m starting to show a little.”

He furrowed his brow. “I can’t really tell.”

“Good.” I replied. “Because I could barely button my jeans this morning.”

“I think you look absolutely beautiful.” He ran his hands up my waist and along the sides of my torso, following his gaze where they went. And then his fingers found the loose strands of hair that hung around my face and he tucked them gently behind my ears.

His eyes met mine with sincerity. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“Me too.” I whispered, letting my eyes dart across his face, wanting to take in every inch of his features.

He studied me for a moment. His face was a mix of emotions; sweet, sorrowful, sentimental, and also sultry, as he snaked his arm around my back and leaned down to kiss my cheek.

“Come ’ere…” He whispered into my ear and then reached down further to loop his other arm behind my knees, coaxing me to grasp onto him as he lifted me from the ground.

I wrapped my arms around his neck as he picked me up and held me in his arms, kissing me with a fully requited eagerness as he walked me to the bed.

I felt his muscles tense around me as he carried me across the room, but he also did so with such ease that I felt like a feather in his arms.

Breaking the kiss, but not his gaze upon me, he laid me gently onto the duvet and followed my body down with his own, climbing gently on top of me and resuming his kisses, this time down my neck and onto my collarbone.

I let out a shallow sigh, completely entranced by his soft, warm lips on my skin, and I let my head fall back, giving him easier access.

“Mmm… you taste so sweet. And you smell divine…how did I manage without you for so long?” he murmured into my neck, running his teeth along my skin, and sending shivers down my spine.

I smirked into his curls that tickled my cheek gently. “You certainly know how to make it worth the anticipation.”

He lifted his head and his darkened eyes gazed into mine. “Oh, just you wait…”

***

  
Later that evening, after we’d spent much of the afternoon in bed, and then finally got around to unpacking my things, we also took a walk around the grounds of the apartment complex, and ate dinner at a quaint little café in the small downtown area of St. Agnes.

This evening, we now laid in bed again, chatting about some of the things we’d missed while we were apart, and also our plans for the coming month together.

I was situated in the crook of Aidan’s arm, and he trailed his fingers lightly through my hair. Not much had been mentioned about Jane since I’d arrived, and I knew I needed to bring her up sooner rather than later, if nothing else, to get it out of the way.

I peered up at him. “I wanted to thank you for trusting me…after seeing those photos.”

“Of course. Why _wouldn’t_ I trust you?” He said quietly.

I frowned slightly. “You could have taken it a lot of different ways. I really wasn’t sure what to expect.”

A small, sly smile played on his lips as he met my eyes. “Colette, I am not one bit skeptical of your love for me. You are very good at showing me how much you care, and your loyalty is unmatched. The way you look at me, makes me feel like I’m the top prize you’ve won at a carnival. It’s very flattering and reassuring. I really do trust you completely.”

I smiled warmly and blinked slowly, watching him speak. He was right. I was beyond shocked and grateful to have him in my life, and I was glad that those emotions I felt deep inside of me showed themselves clearly to him. He knew I was smitten with him, and that knowledge sent a warmth and happiness to my core.

“I love you so much.” My smile widened as I shifted my position to kiss him.

“Mmmm…I love you too, darlin’.” He leaned his forehead against mine. “And I love having you all to myself.” He paused. “That ossified tool at the bar doesn’t know who he’s messing with.”

“He literally fell asleep half-way through his sentence, so you’ve got nothing to worry about there.” I laid my head back down on Aidan’s shoulder and took a deep, cleansing breath.

We were silent for a few moments, both in our own thoughts, before I gained the courage to speak again. “So, how did you get Jane to take the photos down? What made her listen to you?”

He was quiet at first and I thought that maybe I felt his body tense under mine, but his pause was not long. “Just a lot of talking it out.” He replied simply and quietly.

I furrowed my brow. “Just talking? What did you tell her? I figured it would have been a heated argument?”

Aidan cleared his throat. “Well, it wasn’t pleasant. But I firmly explained my reasoning and she backed down eventually.”

I pursed my lips as I played with the front of his shirt, smoothing a prominent wrinkle. “Just like that?”

“Yep.” He replied simply and quietly – almost too easily and without explanation.

I began to question whether he was omitting certain details. What could he have said to her that made her obey him so quickly? There had to be more to the story.

“You must have said something pretty harsh.” I said quietly. “Either that, or she must be getting something out of this deal.”

“I think I’ve got Jane’s number now.” Aidan replied. “You don’t have to worry about anything, Colette.”

I could tell he wanted to be finished with the subject, so I pressed my lips together in an attempt to avoid saying anything further. If Jane really was clear of her jealousy and her revenge, surely we wouldn’t see her again. But for some reason, I hardly believed that could be true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/ESKcreativeworks)   
>  [YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC50T7A4XczK5VVEY7-2GUHQ)   
>  [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/eskcreative/)


	48. Seamus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writers block is a real thing, people! Whew, this chapter has been a struggle! I know where I want to take the story, but getting there is proving to be a challenge. I finally got this chapter the way I wanted it tonight. Enjoy! ❤️

Much too early the next morning, Aidan had to be on set to shoot some cliffside horseback riding scenes. They wanted to catch the sunrise on film, so had to be out of bed at 4am.

His alarm sounded and he rolled over to sit up, but I grabbed his arm and pulled him back to me. My strength was no match for his, but he yielded to my attempt and grinned as he rolled back towards me.

I tucked my head into his chest and let my eyes droop shut again. “G’morning…” I mumbled.

“Mhmmmm…I have to catch my ride in ten minutes.” He murmured back to me.

I held tightly onto his arm and pulled myself even closer.

I felt his chest shake as he chuckled. “You have to let go of me…or else I won’t make it in time.”

“Nope.” I sighed, kissing his chest.

He laughed again. “I’ll see you at lunch, after you’ve worked for the morning, and then you’ll spend the afternoon on set. It’ll be a good time.”

I sighed, thinking about the endless morning cuddles we’d shared during our first month back from the island in LA, when neither of us had to work. “I know…but I just loved those lazy mornings with you. I just need a little taste, before you get up.”

Aidan kissed my forehead and wrapped his arms around me tightly. “I know, I loved our month of freedom too. It was wonderful getting to spend it with you. But if I do recall correctly, I think I was up before the sun most mornings back on the island.”

“Yeah, but you always came right back.” I frowned, remembering how he’d rise from our cave at the crack of dawn and tend to the fire before crawling back in with me and holding me close. It was hard to believe that I actually missed that hard cave floor, or the bugs, or the bland fish and slimy seaweed, or the constant presence of sand on EVERYTHING, but I did. The memories were starting to fade now, little by little, and it was upsetting to me.

“Well, I’m coming back to you today too, just in a few hours.” He spoke gently into my hair.

I tilted my head back and looked into his kind eyes which were dark brown in the dim morning. I took a deep sigh and then touched my lips to his softly. “Have a good morning.”

He smiled. “You too, my love. I’ll see you soon.”

***

After a morning of emails and spreadsheets, I’d completed as much work as I possibly could. It was finally almost noon, and I was expecting Theo to arrive at any moment to drive me to set.

I was giddy with excitement. I could barely believe I was going to actually get the chance to watch Aidan shoot scenes as Ross. Two fantastical worlds were about to collide before my very eyes.

I heard the gravel crunch outside the front door, and I stood up and opened it to reveal Theo’s car parked in front of the steps. He sat in the driver’s seat and waved at me with a smile.

Locking the apartment behind me, I skipped down the steps and hopped inside the car.

“Hi Colette.” Theo grinned. “How was your morning?”

“It was fine. How was yours? Thanks for picking me up.” I smiled, pulling my jacket around my shoulders. It was a chilly day; much colder than a typical May day in LA.

“Sure, no problem.” He paused. “They have soup for lunch today.” He commented as he pulled out onto the road. He clearly saw my shivers.

“Oh good. I’m starving.”

It took mere minutes to arrive on set. Theo drove right past a small hoard of anxious women standing just behind a makeshift barrier that had been built on the edge of set. They were holding signs and watching the crew at work. I momentarily realized, as we continued onto the set, that I would have been one of those very women, had I gotten the chance to visit Cornwall in a life scenario where Aidan and I had not met on our island. Would I have caught his gaze in that scenario? Would he have looked away without a second glance? It was really amazing to me, the way that life was so reliant on simple, seemingly random events. I was happy with the straw that I’d pulled. In my eyes, it was the longest of them all.

We got out of the car near a row of bright white trailers and I watched the door to one of them swing open, revealing a head of wild red curls. Eleanor stepped out onto the ground in a beautiful and full, emerald green period dress, blowing gently in the sea breeze. She was gorgeous and tall and regal-looking. I’d always admired the way she portrayed Demelza with such grace and strength, but also wit and delicacy.

She spotted me right away and a smile formed on her face. “Colette?” Her voice was sweet and eager as she crossed the distance to me. I saw Theo turn to head in a different direction as she approached.

I grinned and nodded as she enveloped me in a hug. “It’s great to meet you.”

“Oh my, it is so wonderful to meet you.” She replied, stepping back and gazing at me. “Aidan has talked to much about you, and what you both went through. I have such respect for both of you. We’re all so glad you’re safe.”

I blushed, flattered that Aidan had been talking about me in my absence, but then I scoffed. “Aidan pretty much carried us on the island. I doubt I would have made it by myself.”

“That contradicts what he’s told me.” Eleanor grinned, and then her eyes focused on something behind me. “Speak of the devil…”

I followed her gaze and turned around to see what she meant.

There he was, walking towards us in his black riding boots, dark navy breeches and coat, grey waistcoat and bright white cravat, with his tricorn in his hand and his dark curls blowing in the wind.

Aidan grinned at me, and all at once, all of my dreams came true again. The first time I’d ever laid sight on him, he was an 18th century man, and now here, before my very eyes, he was again.

He took my hand and then kissed my lips chastely. “How was your morning?”

“It was alright.” I blinked, drinking him all in through my eyes. I was barely able to focus on anything else. ‘Handsome’ didn’t seem to be a strong enough adjective to describe him in this state of dress.

“Come, get some lunch.” He placed his hand on my back, guiding me towards the trailer, and grinning at me with a twinkle in his eye. He very much knew the effect he had on me.

“Was it a smooth flight in, Colette? What did he two of you do during your free afternoon yesterday?” Eleanor asked as we stepped inside the trailer and served ourselves some of the soup that was provided for lunch.

I looked down at my bowl and tried not to grin. Eleanor surely didn’t want to know how we spent our time together yesterday.

But Aidan spoke up for us both. “We took a walk. It is Colette’s first time in Cornwall, so she wanted to enjoy the scenery. Then we ate dinner at the Taphouse.”

A grin broke across my face as I continued to stare at my bowl. The walk and dinner had been such a small part of our day, but he _was_ technically telling the truth.

I took a deep breath and cleared the grin from my face before looking up at her. “My flight was fine, thank you.”

“How was the Taphouse? I’ve been thinking of giving it a try.” Eleanor asked us, not noticing my flustered expression.

“The fish curry was excellent.” Aidan replied. “You should give it a go.”

We were alone in the small trailer, apart from a few production team members. But there were no one else that I recognized. “Are there any other actors on set today?” I asked.

“Nope, just us today.” Eleanor responded and then looked at Aidan curiously. “I actually think Jack has a few scenes on horseback this season, but they must not be on Nampara land.” She looked back at me and smiled. “I do enjoy days like this were we don’t have loads of actors and production on set. Just these simple, beautiful scenes are a lot of fun to shoot.”

I smiled back at her. “I’m really eager to watch. I don’t know if Aidan told you, but I was a fan of Poldark long before we met.”

Her face lit up. “I did hear that, and I think that is just the most adorable story. The odds that the two of you would have met the way you did are…”

“Astronomical.” I completed her sentence as I took my last spoonful of soup.

“Do you think you two would have still met at some point? At a comic con or something?” Eleanor asked.

I looked at Aidan who was grinning back at me. “I don’t know, maybe…” I replied.

Eleanor placed her spoon down in her empty bowl. “I would have loved to be a fly on the wall in that alternate universe…”

I kept my eyes on Aidan, who’s smile had faded slightly, like he was contemplating the intricacies of life. “So would I.” I replied quietly.

***

An hour later, we were standing on the cliffs of St. Agnes Head, while the camera crew began setting up for the first shot of the afternoon. Aidan’s long coat blew in the wind in time with my hair, which I had, now regretfully, not tied back. It was gusty and cold, but it was beautiful.

“Pretty amazing in’it?” He looped his arm around my waist.

“Absolutely gorgeous.” I breathed, watching the turquoise waters below, contrasted with the green and brown cliffsides. From our vantage point, there was no one else in sight but us, as far as the eye could see; just endless ocean waves, and bright blue sky. “It’s kind of nostalgic…” I said quietly, remembering the island again.

Aidan leaned over and kissed the side of my head gently. “I was thinking the same thing. The sea is calming to me now in a way it hasn’t ever been before.”

I rested my head on his shoulder, feeling the rough, wool fabric of his coat under my cheek. “I’m pretty happy to be spending this month here with you, away from the hustle and bustle of LA. It’s peaceful here.”

Aidan trailed his hand up and down my back. “I do agree with you. However…what do you think of a short diversion from Cornwall, two weeks from now?”

I lifted my head and looked up at him curiously.

His eyes met mine and he smiled. “I’ve been invited to the Grand Opening of the Cannes Film Festival in France on the 17th. I’m allowed one guest, and you were the first person who came to mind.” A cheeky grin spread across his face.

My eyes widened. “Cannes? Wait, isn’t that like, red-carpet level stuff?”

His smile grew. “Well, yeah, there is a red-carpet event.”

I felt myself shiver for a new reason other than the cold. “I don’t know…I wouldn’t even know what to do on a red carpet…”

Aidan turned fully to me and placed his hands on my upper arms encouragingly. “You’ll be fine. You’ll really just be there to see a film or two, and to make me look good by how beautiful you are.”

I felt my heart begin to beat faster, thinking about the cameras and the interviewers. “Do I have to prepare answers? Will they ask me things?”

Aidan chuckled. “Not if you don’t want them to. You can step back when I’m interviewed if you’d like.”

I clasped my hands in front of me nervously, realizing that I still hadn’t come to terms with my new spot in the limelight, driven both by my experience on the island, and my connection to Aidan.

He laughed again. “Look, we don’t have to go. I can decline.”

I placed my hand on his chest quickly in response. “No, no, I think we should do it. It’ll be good publicity for you.”

Aidan frowned. “But do _you_ actually want to go?”

I bit my lip. “I’m a little nervous, but yes, I think I do. And if anything, I’d love a trip to France.”

“Good.” Aidan smiled warmly, pulling me into his chest and wrapping his arms around me.

I breathed deeply, still thinking about the red carpet and the thousands of people who would be staring at me. And then a new thought dawned on me, and I stepped back from Aidan quickly.

“Oh shoot! What will I wear?” I clasped my hand to my forehead in distress.

Aidan was clearly amused by my concerns, because he casually placed his tricorn on his head and smirked at me. “We’ll just have to get you something nice, won’t we?”

I couldn’t help the small grin that grew exponentially on my face as I realized that I’d get to wear a beautiful dress and feel simply stunning for an evening. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad after all.

***

“This is Seamus.” Aidan smiled, stroking the side of the large, dark horse’s head in front of me. The team was about to shoot a few scenes along the cliffside, and the horses had just been brought out.

“Hi Seamus.” I grinned, stroking his long, white nose. He flicked his ears and his deep brown eyes stared back at me. He’d been Ross’s horse since the first season, and Aidan had mentioned Seamus a few times to me. It was clear that he felt a connection to this large, beautiful animal, and I didn’t blame him. Seamus’s eyes seemed to speak to me with kindness. In a way, it reminded me of the kindness Aidan’s eyes also spoke to me with as well.

I looked at Aidan. “I think he missed you.”

Aidan patted the side of Seamus’s neck affectionately. “He’s a good chap. We’ll have some fun today.” And then he turned to the trainer in charge of the horses, who stood a few meters away. “All set?”

The trainer nodded and walked over to hold the reins while Aidan climbed up on Seamus’s back. He grinned at me once more and then took the reins himself, leading Seamus back towards the cameras.

I retreated and made my way towards Theo, who was also standing to the side to watch the scene unfold. “What do they have you doing this afternoon?” I asked.

He smiled as I came to stop beside him. “Nothing right now, actually. Just watching, like yourself. Have you ever been on set before?”

I shook my head as I watched the director instructing Aidan in the distance. He was so handsome atop his horse. The tails of his coat blew in the breeze behind him and his tricorn pointed forwards, like an arrow directing him across the landscape.

“How are you enjoying Cornwall so far?” Theo asked.

I blinked, shaken from my trance brought on by Aidan…always by Aidan. “Very well…from what I’ve seen yet. It’s very peaceful.”

As if to play fun at my comment, someone nearby yelled, “ROLLING,” and I jumped slightly before everyone went silent as the clapperboard was placed in front of the camera.

“ACTION!”

I watched as Aidan brought Seamus from a walk, to a trot, and eventually a gallop as he traveled across the green grasses with such skill. He led Seamus with firm but smooth movements, and I watched him in awe. There was something about the way that he commanded the horse with such confidence that had me feeling a certain way.

“Andddd…cut. Great job.” The director said loudly, and Aidan slowed Seamus to a halt and then turned around to trot back towards his starting position.

He was focused and intent on the scene, not paying attention to anyone but the director and the horse trainer, and I admired him for that. His passion for this career that he had chosen was what had taken him this far – to a lead role in a very well-respected show.

The rest of the afternoon was much of the same – lots of galloping and stony, contemplative looks across the cliffs. It wasn’t until the end of the day when the first lines were actually spoken. Aidan on Seamus and Eleanor on her horse, who’s name was Amy, stood in the heavy breeze reciting their lines that I could barely hear from my position, Over a dozen meters away.

“Do you need a drink?”

I looked to my right and saw that Theo had returned after being absent for quite a while. He held a water bottle towards me.

“Thanks.” I smiled, taking it from him and recognizing my parched throat. “I didn’t realize that standing around all afternoon could make me so thirsty.”

“It’s the sea breeze.” Theo grinned, taking a swig from his own bottle. “You’ll get used to it.”

I frowned, remembering that sea breeze was nothing new to me.

Theo saw my reaction and cleared his throat. “Well, I mean, you are clearly familiar with sea breeze. But…um.” He cleared his throat nervously again. “Yeah, I guess I don’t have an excuse for that comment. Sorry.”

I smiled tightly and looked at him. “No, you’re fine. It’s not a sore spot at all for me to remember. Don’t worry about it.” I looked back at the ocean again. “But it is interesting to think about that effect. I guess when I was there…on the island…I was just thirsty all the time…I doubt the breeze made a noticeable difference.”

“Were you ever worried that you wouldn’t make it? Did you…you know…think you might not survive?” He asked quietly.

I watched Aidan shift his weight on the horse as they prepared another scene. “Yes…we both feared that at points.”

“God, that’s horrible. Props to you for keeping up the strength and motivation to continue. You have my respect.” Theo’s voice held a sort of awe beside me.

Aidan continued to focus on his scene, occasionally checking a script, or speaking with Eleanor, or looking out across the cliffs in contemplation. I enjoyed watching him, but we’d been on the side of this cliff for hours and he hadn’t met my gaze almost all afternoon. It bothered me in a way that I knew it shouldn’t. I, of course, did not expect him to focus his attention on me when he should be intent on his lines and his acting, but I wondered if I had left, if he would even have noticed my absence. There were a few times when I thought he might have turned my way, and I started to smile, but each time, he was focused on one of the crew members, and his gaze never met mine. I blinked my eyes and shook my head. I was being ridiculous. I was here to watch him. He wasn’t here to watch me.

“You alright?” Theo’s voice startled me.

I looked at him quickly. “What? Oh, yeah I’m fine. Tired I guess.”

“It’s a long day, isn’t it? And you were only here for half of it.” He grinned.

I pulled my coat tighter around my shoulders, beginning to shiver slightly as the sun hung lower in the sky.

“And that’s a wrap for today folks!” The director called out, and I let out a sigh of relief, glad to have experienced the afternoon, but eager to get out of the chilly wind.

Aidan had hopped off of Seamus and was walking towards me, rubbing his hands together to keep warm. His deep caramel eyes finally met mine after the drought filled with distraction, and my annoyances were immediately extinguished.

“You must be freezing.” He said, rubbing his hands up and down my arms to create friction.

“I’m alright.” I smiled slightly.

Theo handed a bottle of water to Aidan, who nodded. “Thanks, mate.”

Smiling pleasantly at both Aidan and I, he stepped back and left us alone.

“Come, on, you can hang out in the wardrobe trailer with me while I change.” Aidan took my hand and led me away from the crew. It felt good to have him next to me again, and I felt the warmth return to my cheeks, and to my heart.

***

Later that evening, we sat together on top of his bed, sharing a bowl of chocolate ice cream that we’d brought home with us from dinner. I popped a spoonful into my mouth and grinned at him.

Aidan smiled back at me. “So, how painfully boring was your afternoon on set?” He asked as I handed the spoon to him and he took a bite.

I chuckled slightly. “No, it wasn’t boring. I enjoyed watching you. It _was_ long though.”

“I can imagine.” He said. “When you have nothing to keep you busy. I saw that you had a nice chat with Theo though. I’m glad you have someone to talk to.” He handed the spoon back to me.

“Yeah, he doesn’t seem to have much to do either.” I looked up at Aidan. “You were really great with Seamus. I’m impressed.”

He shrugged and then laughed. “I wasn’t as skilled back in season one. I’ve improved.”

“Well, you look like a natural.” I replied.

“Hardly.” He laughed again. “I don’t know if I’m a natural at anything.” He licked his lips and grinned. “More like zero talent, but loads of hair. Maybe our child will have less hair and more talent.”

I pushed his shoulder playfully and laughed. “You have far from zero talent…but as you know, I have no issue with your hair.” I smirked.

There was a twinkle in his eye as he looked back at me. “Well, hopefully, if it’s a girl, she’ll have a bit less hair.”

I chuckled and took another bite of ice cream. I left the spoon in my mouth for a moment, thinking about the future. “Have you thought of any names yet?”

“I’ve thought about it a little…but it’s hard. I don’t want to become attached to any of them before we know the gender.” He replied. “Have you?”

“Actually, not really. I feel the same as you. I’m trying not to think that far ahead yet. But we’ll know in just a couple of weeks.” I smiled warmly at him.

“I think it’ll feel more real once we know.” He pushed the almost empty bowl towards me, indicating that I could have the last bite.

“Thanks.” I said, scooping up the last bit of ice cream and savoring its sweetness on my tongue. “Speaking of names…” I said quietly.

“Yes?” Aidan asked.

“I’m not sure what your opinion is…” I paused nervously. “…but I’d like the baby to take your last name…if that’s something you’d be ok with.”

His eyes met mine and I saw an emotion sweep over his face. It was a mix of surprise but also relief, respect but also sympathy. “Are you sure?” His voice was quiet and tentative.

I set the bowl aside and reached over to take his hand in mine. “I’m positive. I feel like it makes the most sense…but I want you to be comfortable with it as well.” I watched him with slight anxiety. If the baby took his name, then he would feel even more connected, even more responsible, and I hoped that he was ok with that.

“Of course.” He smiled, and his eyes crinkled at the corners, showing me the true joy he felt about the subject. His crinkled eyes never lied. “Colette, that means a lot.”

He leaned in and kissed me gently, and I felt the sincerity in his lips. It was a reminder that he really did want to be a part of my life. Maybe this suggestion, that the baby take his last name, was a hint to him that someday, maybe I’d get the chance to do the same. I wasn’t comfortable yet, breeching that topic on my own, but if he interpreted this decision as a hint, even a minor one, I was content with that.

Aidan pulled back from the kiss and looked deeply into my eyes. “You know what we haven’t done in ages?”

I furrowed my brow, not sure what he meant.

He backed away and stood up from the bed, and then he held his hand out to me with a grin. “Dance with me.”

The corners of my mouth twitched up as I watched him standing before me, so eager to have me in his arms. He was right, we hadn’t danced since the last time he spun me around in the sand. Part of me was slightly hesitant to replace those memories with a new one tonight, but then I realized that those memories would always be there, and this new one could never take their place.

I laid my hand in his and he pulled me up from the bed and onto the open floor, placing his other hand on my back and assuming position.

“What about music?” I asked, looking up into his eyes.

He grinned peacefully down at me. “We’ve never needed it before.”

I smiled and traced my fingers across his broad shoulder. “I’d love to finally dance with you to music.”

Aidan chuckled. “Alright then…let me find something to put on.” He broke free from me and grabbed his phone from the end table, flipping through it until a soft waltz melody filled the otherwise quiet room.

We assumed position again, and just as he was about to move, I started to giggle. “Wow, I’m not even sure if I know how to dance with music at this point.”

He laughed and kissed my forehead. “Listen to the counts of the song. 1, 2, 3…1, 2, 3…”

And then his body began to guide mine slowly around the room, to the beautiful sound of the waltz that filled our ears. I found out quickly, once I remembered the steps, that it _was_ much easier to dance to music than to silence, and the way the instruments wept and rejoiced in the most pleasing way, sent tingles down my spine as I felt the heat of Aidan’s body inches from mine.

Eventually, we grew closer and closer, until I broke form and laid my head on his shoulder as we swayed slowly to the beat. As I closed my eyes, I was transported back to the island, and I could almost feel the sand beneath my toes, when the wind had been our melody, and the beach had been our dancefloor. We were the same two people, in the same fervent love story. Our location had changed, but our passion, and our affection remained as strong as ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/ESKcreativeworks)   
>  [YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/c/eskcreative)   
>  [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/eskcreative/)


	49. Cannes

“Do you think I’m showing too much?” I asked Aidan, who was in the bathroom of our hotel room getting dressed for the red-carpet event at Cannes this evening.

I pulled the fabric of my dress tightly behind my back, stretching it across my torso and turning back and forth in front of the mirror in the bedroom, viewing myself from different angles.

Last week, Aidan had taken me to meet with a designer who showed me a selection of dresses to choose from. Cannes wasn’t just a casual red-carpet event. It was flashy and extravagant - many women wore oversized ballgowns or unique styles that pushed the envelope of today’s fashion. The idea was intimidating to me at first, but then I began to embrace the opportunity to wear something I’d maybe only dreamed about and never thought would be practical. I’d settled on a beautiful soft red tulle gown, with a tastefully deep neckline that hugged my chest perfectly. It was fitted throughout the bodice, but gave way at the waist to a full skirt, and almost every inch of fabric was intricately detailed with gorgeous red beading. I almost thought it would be too much for me - I wasn’t the movie star after all - but when Aidan had seen me admiring it so closely from the selection, he’d insisted that it was perfect.

Now, as my eyes trailed from the bottom of the dress all the way up to my face, I could barely believe I was the one wearing it. It was so much more intricate and well-made than my prom dress. And had it not been red, it could have easily passed for a wedding gown. My hair had been curled and pulled up into a loose bun, and I was wearing a tasteful - but what I felt was slightly extravagant - amount of makeup.

“I’m sure no one will be able to tell.” Aidan assured me as he came around the corner of the bathroom, fixing his cufflinks.

My eyes found him, and I immediately forgot the beauty of the dress I was wearing. Aidan wore a classic black tux, with a crisp white shirt, black bowtie, and polished black leather shoes. He had his curls, which were now getting quite long, pulled back into a bun, but a few of them escaped around his neck, unable to be tamed. He was so handsome and put together. It was a new look on him that I hadn’t seen yet - a far cry from the tattered clothes on the island, and an equally refined, yet completely different kind of class than his Poldark costume.

His gaze immediately traveled down to my dress, and then slowly back up to my eyes. “You look…stunning.” He breathed, walking towards me and placing his hands on my waist gently.

Once I could tear my eyes from him, I looked back at myself in the mirror and ran my hand over my stomach. “You’re sure you can’t tell?”

“Not at all.” He replied in a low voice, leaning in to kiss my exposed neck gently.

I felt goosebumps rise on my skin as I felt his warm lips on me. “Will you finish fastening up the back?” I asked, facing away from him. “I can’t reach.”

“Only if I can help _unfasten_ it later…” He replied in a low voice. His hands moved to the zipper and clasp and I felt the dress tighten around me perfectly as he closed it up.

I smirked and then turned back around to face the mirror again. Aidan stood next to me and wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me close as we watched our reflection.

“Well, we clean up nice, don’t we?” Aidan grinned, and I caught his gaze in the mirror.

He was right, we absolutely looked ready to hit the red carpet, and I could barely believe it. For the first time, I almost felt like I’d reached his level. Here was this incredibly handsome movie star with a stunning woman on his arm, and that woman was somehow…me. I barely recognized myself.

“You’re so beautiful, Colette.” Aidan whispered.

I watched him in the mirror as he turned his head towards me and placed a long, gentle kiss on the side of my forehead. His closed his eyes and paused with his lips on my skin, and I had a moment to admire the interaction. His expression was peaceful in the silence, and for an instant, it was as though I was an outsider looking in, seeing his affection for what it truly was.

It was almost like watching him act out a scene in a movie with his respective female lead, except that in this case, I was that woman, and his feelings were real and true, not just an act.

A soft buzz broke the silence of the room and I felt Aidan’s phone vibrate next to me in his pocket.

He pulled it out and checked the screen. “That’ll be our ride. Ready?” He looked at me and grinned at my nervous expression.

***

Aidan held my hand as I stepped out of the shiny black car that had dropped us off at the entrance of the red carpet. I delicately tried to maneuver my large dress through the opening of the car door, but it was not a simple task.

There were already cameras flashing from all angles, and I didn’t want the first photos snapped to capture me tripping over my dress and making a fool of myself.

Aidan was patient with me as he guided me out onto the carpet. We paused for a moment as the photographers clicked away madly. Most were shouting Aidan’s name, but I actually heard mine a few times too, and it was a strange feeling to be recognized and to know that they wanted pictures of me too.

Aidan’s hand never left mine as we slowly made our way down the carpet, stopping occasionally to speak with pre-approved interviewers that had been set up for him. I took a step back each time he answered his questions. This was his event, a celebration of film, not an opportunity to tell our story. Luckily, my respect for his career perfectly lined up with the obvious fact that I preferred to stay out of the spotlight anyway.

It was fun to watch him speak about his roles, and to listen to his answers to the questions he was asked. His body language changed whenever asked about his acting techniques or the way he prepared for a role. I loved to see his passion.

As we finally arrived at the steps that led up to the building where we’d view the film of the evening, I paused to pick up the skirt of my bright red dress, which blended in perfectly with the carpet beneath us.

Aidan placed his hand on my back and leaned in to my ear. “The hard part is over. Now we get to relax a bit and then have a little fun.”

He was referring to the after party that would take place tonight after the screening. We’d had trouble deciding if we really wanted to attend. While I’d never been intrigued by flashy events, and Aidan had said he’d grown out of the interest, we ultimately decided that it might prove to actually be fun. We were in Cannes, France, anyway, we might as well make the most of it.

The entire evening was a blur of glitz and glam and encounters with familiar faces I thought I’d never experience. Aidan was already acquainted with many more people in the business than I would have expected. He’d certainly done his job well of making connections so far.

When we sat down in the theater, which was packed with incredibly well-dressed celebrities, I looked to my left and noticed that sitting directly next to us were Lily Collins and Jake Gyllenhaal.

 _What has my life become?_ I thought to myself as I shook both of their hands and introduced myself.

The fact that they’d recognized me too was a bit of a surprise, but I knew that, had I not been with Aidan, they never would have been able to place my face.

The film of the evening, Ismael’s Ghosts, was beautifully shot, and very moving. While it was entirely in French, it was shown with English subtitles, so I was able to follow the plot easily.

I’d been in my extravagant dress for over three hours, and I was starting to regret choosing a style so large and heavy. But each time I looked down and noticed the way the beads delicately sparkled, or spun slightly as we walked, and the full skirt billowed out around me, I remembered why I’d chosen it, and my regret vanished instantly.

When we entered the hall that housed the after party, the number of photographers decreased drastically, and I felt some relief finally. It was exhausting to worry about each and every facial expression or physical movement, worried about what might get caught on camera.

Aidan pulled us both directly to the bar. “Do you want a soda or anything?” He asked me.

I nodded, and then he ordered a Sprite for me, along with a whiskey for himself.

“Are you enjoying yourself?” He asked, smiling and taking a sip.

“I actually am having more fun than I thought I would. Thank you for inviting me.” I grinned.

“It would have been a bore with anyone else.” He leaned against the bar and took another, much longer, gulp of his whiskey.

I beamed in response to his compliment, and watched him enjoy his drink, which was probably ‘top shelf’ at a place like this. Since we’d gotten off the island, I’d seen him polish off his fair share of drinks. The funny thing was that he still hadn’t gotten the chance to see what a lightweight I was. I’d seen him toss back multiple drinks in an evening, and show no ill effects. He’d have a good laugh at me someday in the future once I’d had just one.

“Tired of that dress yet?” He grinned.

I laughed, running my fingers across the fabric. “It is quite tight and heavy, but it’s been worth it.”

Aidan turned to set his empty glass on the bar and gestured for another, before placing his hand on my waist and pulling me closer. “Don’t worry, we won’t be here more than an hour, and then we’ll have that thing off you.” He winked. “You look absolutely beautiful tonight, though.”

I smirked as I took a sip of my Sprite, but someone bumped into me from behind and some of it sloshed up onto my cheek and onto the ground.

“Ohhh, I’m SO sorry…” A sweet, feminine voice came from behind me.

My heart leapt for a moment as my mind made assumptions and I immediately expected the worst face to accompany that voice. _She couldn’t possibly here…_

I tentatively turned around without really wanting to. But my worst fear was left unfulfilled when my eyes met a face that brought my heartrate down.

Lily Collins was watching me with wide eyes. “Oh, Colette, my bad! Did it get on your dress?”

Aidan handed me a napkin from the bar quickly, and I blotted my face and looked down at my gown, which appeared untouched. “No, I don’t think so. Don’t even worry about it. It’s crowded in here.” I smiled back at her.

She took my hand quickly and grinned. “I’m actually glad I…well…ran into you.” She laughed. “We didn’t get to talk much in the theater, and I was so curious to hear your story…if you’re willing to tell it?”

“Sure.” I smiled, flattered that she was so interested in _my_ life.

Jake appeared next to us and shook Aidan’s hand again. “I bet Cannes is a far cry from island life, huh?”

Aidan laughed. “Sure is. Need a drink, mate?”

I turned back to Lily and smiled again. “Even before the crash, I never imagined I’d be at an event like this.”

She smiled. “Yeah, you’ve kind of been thrown into it, haven’t you?”

I smirked and looked back at Aidan, who had ordered a drink for Jake and another one for himself. He was moving fast. He would quickly be approaching his usual cutoff already. I’d never seen him consume more than four in an evening.

“Yeah, it’s been a whirlwind.” I watched him laugh and chat with Jake.

“I’ve heard only good things about Aidan. But I’m sure you’re quite aware of how wonderful he is. I bet he’s helping you ease into things.”

“He _is_ pretty wonderful.” I grinned back at her.

“So, I saw your 20/20 interview, but I still just can’t believe it. You were there for almost four months. Did it feel like it was that long? Longer? Did you know you were the only survivors at that point?” Lily asked me eagerly.

I took a deep breath. “I feel like I experienced every kind of emotion possible during that time. But it felt much longer than four months. I learned so much about myself, and how far I could push my body, and how strong I really am. And at the same time, Aidan and I got to know each other so well. It’s amazing how close you can become to your only companion in a situation like that.”

“Your story is so sweet.” Lily beamed. “And so motivational too. It’s bound to be made into a film someday, you know. A new take on “Castaway.”

I blinked quickly, realizing I’d never considered the idea. But she was right, it was the kind of story that writers and directors would pounce on. I wondered how long it would be before the screenwriters came knocking.

As I continued to talk to Lily and tell more of our story, I noticed that Aidan had made it to his fourth drink, and his voice had become a little louder and his accent more exaggerated as he chatted with Jake, along with a few other gentlemen who had joined our small group. We’d been standing here at the bar for forty-five minutes, and I figured that Aidan was probably winding down, getting his fill of booze and fun, but hopefully as ready to head out as I was. We’d made our appearance and played our part of being social, but, frankly, I was ready to get back to the hotel for some alone time. He looked incredible in his tux, but I really couldn’t wait to rip it off of him.

He met my gaze at one point, and I held eye-contact for a moment, trying to imply that I was ready to leave when he was.

He placed his hand on my back and leaned in. “I’m gonna have one more, and then we can go.”

I could smell the whiskey in his breath, and I almost eyed him curiously, but I was sure he knew his limits, and I didn’t want to question him, so I nodded.

He squeezed my arm gently and then turned back to the bar, signaling for a refill.

I focused my attention on Lily again. “So, how long are you in Cannes?”

“I’m here the whole week, actually. Jake leaves tomorrow though. How about you?” She smiled.

“We head back to Cornwall tomorrow afternoon.”

“Oh, I bet it’s gorgeous there. When do you fly back to LA? That’s where you’re from right?” Lily set her own drink down on the bar and waved off the bartender when he questioned if she wanted another.

“2 weeks…” I responded. But my eyes were not on Lily as I spoke. I’d looked over at Aidan to see that he was checking his phone. He stared down at the screen, and his brows were pulled together in an intense grimace.

Closing his eyes, he grasped his phone tightly in his hand and let it fall to his side before shoving it back in his pocket. I watched his jaw clench as he took a deep breath and then lifted his glass to his mouth and downed the rest of his drink.

I took another long sip of my Sprite, thinking that he was finally done and ready to leave, but he turned back to the bar with a scowl and slammed his glass down and shoved it towards the bartender.

“Another?” The man asked.

“Nah…” Aidan glowered. “Gimme a shot of the strongest thing you’ve got.”

My eyes widened slightly, and I reached over to touch his arm gently. “Aidan, is everything ok? You had said you were about ready to leave…”

He took the shot for the bartender and threw his head back as he downed it in one gulp. “Another.” He slammed it onto the counter with a loud clink.

“Aidan…” I said again.

He looked over at me and I could see in his eyes that he’d finally passed his limit. There was a lack of life in them, and he blinked unusually slowly. “I need a few more…”

I pressed my lips together. “What was on your phone?”

He set his jaw again and closed his eyes, breathing heavily. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Was it Jane?” I asked.

His eyes opened and stayed connected to mine for a few drawn-out seconds, before he turned back to the bar and took his next shot.

His lack of response sent a jolt of fear and disappointment to my core, and I stood in silence, watching him ask for yet another drink.

“Aidan, maybe you should slow down.” I suggested quietly.

He didn’t respond.

“You’re going to hurt yourself…it’s not gonna feel good in the morning.” I placed my hand gently on his arm.

He stared at the next shot in his hand for a moment. “No, you’ve got that wrong. If I don’t do this, I’m gonna hurt someone else.” And then he threw the drink back and squeezed his eyes shut.

He gestured to Jake and the other men. “Aye, mates, anyone up for a game of snooker? I hear they’ve got a table in the other room.

And then he looked back at Lily and I. His eyes focused on me, but I could see he was now far from sober. “You’re good for a bit? I’ll be back…”

I started to open my mouth to respond in protest, but he gave me a ‘thumbs-up’, and then grasped the shoulders of his new friends and shuffled away from the bar with them.

Lily and I were silent for a moment, and I could tell that she was afraid to say anything.

I looked down at my drink blankly. “Something is wrong. He’s never acted this way before.”

“Does he usually drink this much?” She asked quietly.

I looked up at her nervously. “I’ve never even seen him drunk.”

She watched me with sympathetic eyes. “Whatever is on his mind, he probably just needed to let go for a bit. Jake is with him. He’ll keep an eye on him I’m sure.”

I looked worriedly towards the door where he’d left. It had to have been Jane who texted him. I could tell by the way he’d avoided my question. But what did she have to say? I’d thought he’d cleared that all up with her weeks ago.

I adjusted my dress on my torso and pulled at the straps. It was becoming heavier and heavier the longer the night drew on.

“That must be getting uncomfortable…here, lets go find a place to sit.” Lily suggested, taking my hand and pulling me towards an empty sofa in the corner.

“What do you think is bugging him?” She asked gently once we’d sat down.

I looked at her for a moment and took a deep breath. She’d been nice enough so far, and I was so tired. It would really help for me to talk to someone about it. “It’s his ex. She won’t stop bugging him.”

“Why hasn’t he blocked her number? I mean, she’s obviously looking for a reaction. He can’t let her rile him up like that.” Lily said.

I sighed. “She’s got her nails in deep. I think she still knows how to push his buttons.”

“Well, that sounds more like his problem than hers.” Lily raised her eyebrows.

I pursed my lips and looked down at my lap; at the beautiful red dress that had represented such a beautiful evening. Somehow, it had drastically taken a turn for the worse.

Lily placed her hand on my knee. “Tell me about Cornwall. I want to hear about how beautiful it is.”

I took a deep breath and leaned back on the sofa, letting my mind drift to the green meadows, sharp cliffsides, and turquoise blue waters.

Almost an hour later, after checking the door about a hundred times, I finally saw Jake and Aidan walking towards us. Aidan had another drink in his hand and his gait was far from steady.

He slumped down onto the sofa next to me and held his glass loosely in his hand. “Colette, you’re missing out. You should get in on the next game of snoooookerrr.” His words were alarmingly slurred – much more than before he’d left the room.

He smelled strongly of alcohol, his tie was missing, and his shirt was unbuttoned at the top. I frowned. “I think maybe we should go.”

“Aw, come on…I think you haven’t had near enough fun tonight…” He took another drink.

I pulled my eyebrows together. “No, I don’t think I have.”

When he lowered the drink from his mouth, his eyes met mine, and for just a moment, I saw my Aidan – the one who I could trust – behind his veil of drunkenness.

“I’d like to go now.” I said quietly.

He licked the whiskey from his lips slowly and then let his eyes drop to the glass in his hand. I watched him contemplate for a moment before he leaned away and placed the drink on the table.

He let out an exasperated sigh, and then stood up slowly from the sofa, holding onto the table for support in his intoxicated state.

Looking at Lily and Jake, he blinked his eyes slowly. “We’re leaving now. I won’t remember any of this…but…thanks…for the day…I mean…the night…yeah…thanks.” He swayed in place.

I took a deep breath, standing up next to him and holding onto his arm.

Jake looked at me sympathetically. “Do you need any help getting him to a car?”

I shook my head. “No, thanks, I think we’ll manage. It was wonderful to meet you both.”

Lily looked at me and tried to smile encouragingly. “I have your number now, I’ll shoot you a text next time I’m in LA.”

I smiled slightly back at her while I supported some of Aidan’s body weight. “That sounds great, thanks Lily, really.”

I took another deep breath and then turned with Aidan towards the exit of the hall. He stumbled slightly next to me, but it was really impressive, the capable state he was still in after so many drinks. He was well practiced.

Once we got to the door, I paused and leaned in to whisper to him. “Aidan, there might be cameras out there. Can you hold it together until we get to the car?”

His lazy eyes met mine and then his expression became motivated as he brought his hand to his forehead in a salute. “Under control, ma’am.”

I sucked in a deep breath of air and crossed my fingers, hoping he wasn’t about to make a complete fool of himself.

Luckily, we made it all the way back down the steps and to one of the cars provided, without making a scene. There were cameras, but much less than at the beginning of the evening, and the walk was much shorter than our initial trip down the red carpet.

Once in the car, I informed the driver about our hotel while Aidan leaned his head back on the seat silently. I was sure the world was completely spinning for him in this moment, so I reached over and buckled his seatbelt for him. He was not at the top of my list of favorite people at the moment, but I wasn’t going to let that dictate my cautiousness for his safety.

Neither of us spoke a word for the entire drive, which lasted exactly twelve minutes, according to my phone, which I checked practically every 45 seconds. I was insanely curious to know what had been on his phone that bothered him so much, but I’d checked my twitter feed, and saw nothing new from Jane. Had this been a personal text?

Aidan held it together again as we made our way through the lobby and then entered our room. He tossed his phone on the dresser and shifted his coat from his shoulders, tossing it onto a chair with terrible aim. It slid easily off the side and down to the ground.

As he flopped down onto the bed, still in his clothes, I sighed and went to pick up his coat and draped it neatly over the chair. “So, are we gonna talk about what happened?” I asked quietly, turning back to him.

“Hmgbrhhhggmm…” He mumbled.

I licked my lips and set my jaw, placing my hands on my hips.

“Aidan, look, I know you’re tired, but please, can you tell me what upset you tonight?” I asked.

His only response was a snore, and I felt my blood boil slightly. He was so completely out of it that he couldn’t even muster up enough of an answer to keep me satiated tonight.

It hurt.

“Alrighty then…” I sighed, walking my completely sober self to the bathroom and struggling to unzip my dress.

“Ughhh…” I breathed hard, reaching around my back and fumbling at the clasp angrily.

Finally, after contorting in new ways I never had before, I was able to get myself out of the dress and I hung it up neatly from the shower rod. I brushed my teeth and pulled on a t-shirt and shorts before walking back into the bedroom.

Aidan was still splayed out in the same position on his back. I studied him again for a moment, with my hands on my hips. I was angry with him, there was no denying that, but I also loved him more than words could describe, and I had to respect that he was only human, and he would lose sight of himself and his actions at times, just like I would. But tomorrow morning, it would be time to talk. I wasn’t going to let him off the hook this time like I did when he didn’t explain his dealings with Jane and the photos. There was something more on his mind, and I was going to get to the heart of it.

I walked over to the foot of the bed and untied his shiny black shoes, slipping them off his feet and placing them on the floor next to his coat.

And then I took a deep breath and climbed up onto the bed and knelt next to him. I knew he was drunk, but I couldn’t know for sure just _how_ drunk he actually was. I hadn’t seen how many more he’d had in the snooker room. I assumed he had a good handle on himself and his limits, but for all I knew, he might wake up vomiting all over himself. So, I placed my hands under his right shoulder and pushed with all my might, trying to roll him over onto his left side.

He was heavy…so heavy. I’d forgotten how heavy he was ever since I’d had to drag him across the sand in the lifeboat many months ago.

“Hmm?” Aidan opened his eyes slightly as I pushed on him.

“Let’s get you rolled onto your side.” I said quietly, still pushing with all my might.

It took him a moment, but he eventually registered what I was saying, and he yielded to my efforts and began to move onto his side by himself.

When he was fully rolled over, I grabbed one of the big fluffy pillows from the bed and tucked it behind his back so that he would not resume his original position.

Breathing a little harder than before, I stared at him for a moment and frowned. Just his dark curls, almost completely fallen out from his bun, stared back at me from the back of his head.

I pulled covers over the both of us and then reached behind me to fluff my own pillow, before switching of the light and laying down in the dark quiet of the room.

Would he tell me the truth tomorrow? Would he look at me with hesitant eyes again? Would he avoid the subject all over again?

I wouldn’t let him. Jane may be a part of his life that wasn’t my business, but if she was going to continue to affect him this way, and in turn, affect the way he acted around me, then it _was_ my business.

I stared at the ceiling for a moment, considering how I would speak to him, and wondering what lengths I might have to go through, when suddenly, there was a buzz the broke the silence of the room.

I immediately recognized the sound from Aidan’s phone, and I looked up to see its lit screen on the dresser. I peered over at Aidan, but there was no movement from him.

So, I sat up slowly and my eyes met his phone again. For a few breathless moments, I weighed my options. I could easily get up and see what was on the screen, but was that disrespectful to him? His texts were not meant for my eyes.

I looked back at him again. He was still as silent and still as ever.

The phone buzzed again, a reminder that the text was still unread.

I couldn’t help myself. I swallowed tentatively and then climbed out of bed and padded my way to the dresser quietly.

The screen was still lit up, and I leaned over the dresser with hesitancy to see what it said. I didn’t have his password, so I couldn’t unlock the phone, but I could see the preview of the newest message.

**Unread text from Jane Alderidge:**

_So…I’m going to take your silence as confirmation that we can meet up at 5pm instead of our original plan for 7?_

The blood drained from my face and I backed up towards the bed, letting the edge of the comforter find my knees as I collapsed back onto it, sitting down in shock.

He was planning on meeting up with her? No. It couldn’t be. He’d shot that idea down way back in Dublin. What was he thinking? What had he done?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 😳😳😳
> 
> Uh oh...
> 
> [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/ESKcreativeworks)  
> [YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/c/eskcreative)  
> [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/eskcreative/)


	50. Boil

I don’t think my eyes shut even once during the night.

I spent the entire duration staring at the ceiling and coming up with horrific scenarios and possible reasons why Aidan would have agreed to meet up with Jane, and hadn’t told me about it. What could she possibly need to say to him? Or, more importantly, what could he possibly need to say to her? Was she somehow reeling him back in again?

It seemed unlike him, after all we’d been through, to have been harboring secrets like this. He’d been so honest with me up until now.

Despite all of the unsettling possibilities that raced through my mind, my main point of concern was that he had decided to keep it all from me. My gut told me that he had something to hide; something that he was afraid I’d find out about. He wouldn’t have been so secretive if he wasn’t expecting a negative response from me.

The morning sun had begun to peek through the curtains at the window, but I laid motionless on my back, still staring at the ceiling. I felt helpless. I felt hopeless. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me.

I’d been on such a long journey to allow myself to fully trust him. Recently, I’d felt like I’d finally made it, but now, here I was, questioning him again. This time, it felt like a valid doubt, and that is what scared me the most.

Eventually, I heard Aidan groan beside me, and I glanced over to see him lift his hand slowly to his forehead.

He pulled the pillow out from behind him and rolled over onto his back, flopping his arm down above his head and squeezing his eyes shut.

I looked back up at the ceiling and set my jaw without making a sound.

“Ughhh…” Aidan groaned again, and then tumbled himself out of bed and grabbed his stomach as he made his way to the bathroom.

When he closed the door behind him, I sat up in bed and pulled my knees to my chest. Even though he was well practiced in the art of the stereotypical Irish pastime, drinking past his heart’s content, it turned out, he still had his limits. He wasn’t invincible.

As I began to hear him get sick in the bathroom, I closed my eyes tightly. I almost felt bad for him. _Almost_.

Taking a deep breath, I climbed over the duvet and walked to the mini fridge, taking out a fresh, cold bottle of water. And then I retreated back to the bed and resumed my original position, with the bottle of water in my lap, and I waited patiently.

A few moments later, Aidan emerged and shuffled his way back into the room. He met my gaze briefly as he passed the foot of the bed. His dark brown curls were an absolute mess, sticking out at various odd angles, and his eyes were slightly swollen and red.

“I feel like boiled shite.” He muttered as he sat down hard on the bed.

Silently, and without animation, I handed the bottle of water to him.

He squinted at it and then took it from me, uncapping it quickly. “Thanks.”

I crossed my legs in front of me and placed a pillow on my lap, picking at the corner silently.

Aidan leaned back against the headboard and closed his eyes. “God, I really overdid it. It’s been years since I’ve felt this banjaxed.”

I continued to pull at the corner of the pillow, not looking at him.

But in my peripheral, I saw him turn his head towards me. “Last night must have been a letdown for you. I’m sorry for that.” He said quietly, but I could tell that he had absolutely no idea the letdown that it had really been.

“I’m sure I was a sight.” He laughed. “Thanks for getting me back safe.”

I remained quiet.

He took another drink of water. “I feel like I remember you were having a nice time with Lily though?”

I closed my eyes, trying to hold in my anger. He really was going to just pretend like nothing bigger was going on here, wasn’t he?

I took a deep breath and opened my eyes, and then I turned to look at him. “How much do you remember from last night?”

He re-capped his bottle and laid it on the bed in front of him. “Um, let’s see…I remember Jake and Lily, I remember chatting at the bar, and I think…I remember snooker?”

I brought my hands to my forehead and wiped them down my face, completely beside myself that he was going to play this game with me.

Aidan recognized my frustration and I felt the bed shift next to me as he changed positions to face me.

“You’ll have to fill me in on the rest…” He said gently.

I let my hands fall from my face and I watched him with disbelief. Where was my Aidan? The one who was truthful and comforting and unwavering? His tired, red eyes, stared into mine with curiosity.

I sighed loudly. “Where do I start? Let’s see…how about with the fact that you just left me to fend for myself at my first big afterparty?”

His face fell slightly. “I left you alone?”

I sighed again. “Well, no, you left me with Lily, but that was _after_ you had told me we would be leaving soon, and then you didn’t even give me a chance to respond when you decided for yourself that you’d rather go off and play snooker with your new friends.”

“Jeez, I’m sorry Colette. I wasn’t myself.” His voice was apologetic.

I glanced down at my pillow and mumbled quietly. “Or maybe you finally _were_ …”

“What’s that?” He tilted his head in question.

I looked at him again, this time more pointedly. “Aidan, please tell me why you drank so much last night? I’ve never seen you like that.”

His eyes focused on mine for a moment, and I could tell that he was re-living the memories from the beginning of the evening, before he started throwing back shots.

“There was a lot on my mind…” He said quietly.

“Care to share?” I asked with irritation.

He took a deep breath and then let it out with force. “Not particularly.”

He was already getting defensive. I felt my heart begin to beat faster. The increase in speed was a result of two unsettling thoughts that ran through my mind. First, Aidan clearly didn’t feel comfortable talking to me about things that were bothering him, and secondly, I was starting to become afraid that he had more secrets than he’d let on.

We were both silent for a moment, in our own thoughts. I studied him closely, but he wouldn’t look at me.

“Aidan, what is going on?” I asked finally.

“Absolutely nothing that you need to be worrying about.” He replied, meeting my eyes again.

“ _Why?”_ I expelled in exasperation. “Why, Aidan? Why can’t you just be honest with me?”

“This is not about honesty. This is about me taking care of something that you do _not_ need to worry about.” There was a new firmness in his voice that unsettled me.

I gripped the pillow on my lap tighter. “Yes it _is_ about honesty. I am asking you to please share with me what is bothering you…what has caused you to get blackout drunk last night… You won’t tell me anything. _That_ is an honesty problem.”

Aidan’s brow furrowed just slightly. “What if me telling you would just make things harder for you? What if I just deal with it and move on, without having to even involve you?”

I watched him with an expression of hurt and betrayal. “What if I already know?” My voice was quiet and tentative.

His brow furrowed even more, and he blinked at me, waiting.

I swallowed with difficulty, but my eyes never left his, steady and unwavering. “Why are you meeting up with Jane?”

He studied me for a moment. “How do you know about that?”

My heart dropped.

So, it _was_ true.

My eyes darted to his phone on the dresser, and then back to him. He followed my gaze and then set his jaw.

“While you were passed out drunk last night, your phone lit up. I couldn’t help myself.” I sighed, waiting for his inevitable blowup.

But he simply stood up and walked over to pick up his phone quietly. He stared at the screen briefly and then returned back to the bed and set it down on the duvet next to him.

He looked up at me. “This is not what it looks like.”

A lump began to form in my throat, partly because I felt incredibly guilty that I’d looked at his phone, but also because I was terrified about what he might say next…that I might be losing him.

“That’s exactly what someone would say if it _was_ what it looked like.” I replied quietly.

“No, Colette…” Aidan scooted closer to me. “Ugh, I really didn’t want you to have to worry about any of this.” He sighed.

I looked up at him incredulously. “ _Worry about you meeting up with Jane_? Why? Why would I worry about that?” My voice, laced with sarcasm, rose an octave.

Aidan took a deep breath, but I continued before he had a chance to speak. “Please tell me…this won’t be the first time, will it? You’ve met up with her before…while I was out of touch in LA?”

Aidan’s face contorted into a scowl. “What? No. Of course I haven’t met up with her. I haven’t even seen her since the hospital. This was going to be a one-time thing – “

“Oh. A ONE TIME thing. That makes me feel _loads_ better.” I interrupted him as I crossed my arms in front of me, watching him disbelievingly.

“Would you let me finish, please?” Aidan raised an eyebrow at me.

I closed my mouth and set my jaw.

Aidan squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed his forehead. He looked like the hangover was not doing him any favors, but I had no sympathy.

He opened his eyes again, and he began to speak. “When Jane posted those photos of you at the bar, and I asked her to take them down…do you remember?”

I watched him with a raised eyebrow of my own

He held eye contact for a moment and then looked down at his lap. “She agreed to take them down if I met up with her again.”

My mouth dropped open. “What? And do what? Get back together with her?”

“Ugh…No, Colette. Of course not. Just to talk.” He looked at me closely, shaking his head in frustration. “Don’t you trust me?”

I crossed my arms tighter. “No. Not really. Not night right now. Not when you’re keeping these things from me. Were you just gonna sneak off once we got back to LA, and go see her without my knowledge? What was your plan?” I watched him closely, insanely curious for his answer.

He frowned. “I don’t know…”

I shook my head slowly. “Why did you think this was ok? Did you really think keeping this from me was the right move here?”

Aidan looked at his hands in his lap. “There’s nothing going on with Jane and I.”

“Clearly, there is.” I replied saltily.

He pulled his eyebrows together and looked up at me. “No. There is not.”

“Does she know about the baby?” I asked, suddenly realizing that my voice was becoming louder.

“No, my God, of course not!” His voice began to rise too. “She knows nothing.”

We both stared daggers at each other, and it hurt me to my very core, to feel so much anger towards him.

For a moment, I wondered if our argument was about to burst into the next level and become a full-on fight, but eventually, his face softened, and his body language relaxed. “C’mon Colette…hey…”

He placed his hand on my arm gently, but I flinched slightly in response. My own natural reflex surprised me

“Look at me, Colette.” His voice was gentle again.

I peered up at him through my eyelashes.

His eyes, despite being red and tired, were laced with sincerity. “You _know_ that things are over with Jane and I. _You know that_.”

The knot in my throat began to return as I watched him. After a few seconds of contemplation, I responded. “Aidan, how can you expect me to trust you and believe that, if you’re making plans to see her in secret?”

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I wish I could explain it to you better, but no…you’re right. I’m sorry.”

My voice was still tight. “I’m in disbelief that you thought that this was ok.” I paused and took a breath. “How do I trust you if you do things like this?”

He frowned and looked down at his phone in front of him.

I uncrossed my arms and straightened the pillow in my lap. “You can’t keep these kinds of things from me. You know the kind of anxiety she’s given me in the past. And besides that, I think it’s common knowledge that you shouldn’t be meeting up with your ex in private.” I looked up at him with a disappointed expression.

“I know.” He said quietly. “I guess I just thought I could sort it all out, and then it would be over.”

I watched him for a moment, considering my words. He needed to understand my feelings in this situation. “Last night was rough…really rough. I know you like to drink and have a good time, and that’s fine, but last night, I felt really out of my element. I needed you. And you just left me, both physically and otherwise. It’s not like we’re back in LA where I’m comfortable and familiar with my surroundings…we’re in France for goodness sake. I had to put us in a strange car with a strange driver. You were completely incapacitated. You wouldn’t have known left from right if your life depended on it. I even had to roll you on your side when we got back, so that you didn’t literally die in your sleep.”

I could see the pain in his expression as I continued. “Maybe you have like-minded friends who are ok with that task, but…I felt really alone last night.” I frowned.

Aidan watched me with sad eyes. I could tell that he was, at least, hearing my words in the way they were intended.

“God, I’m an absolute jerk.” He looked at me with sympathy. “I’m so sorry.”

I glanced down at his phone on the bed, thinking about the moment the previous evening when he’d checked it and then started throwing back shots in response. “The results of your drinking don’t bother me as much as why you did it in the first place. Something sent you over the edge last night. Did she text you?”

Aidan sighed. “Yeah. She wants more time to talk to me when we meet. She threatened to put the photos back up.”

I cleared my throat. “First of all...what did you say? And second of all, you aren’t still going to meet with her, _right_?” I waited for his response with nervous breaths.

He was quiet for a moment, so I repeated myself. “You’re not still going to meet her…RIGHT?”

He sighed. “I didn’t respond…but if I don’t meet with her, she’ll do it.”

I rolled my eyes and clenched my fists atop my pillow. “So, let her post the freaking pictures. I couldn’t care less.”

He stared at his phone again and I watched him closely. The concept really seemed to bother him. “Do _you_ really care that much?”

He frowned. “For me? No. But _you_ don’t deserve any of it.”

I took a breath and pressed my lips together. “I would have rather had that, than had you lie to me. Jane has some sort of hold over you still, and…you’ve _gotta_ figure out how to let her go.”

His eyes pleaded with me. “Colette, I don’t care about Jane anymore. She’s in my past. You’re my life now.”

I blinked slowly at him, wishing that his words made sense, but they did not match his actions. I wasn’t going to let him off that easily. “I’m sorry, but that is just not true.”

He tried to interject but I held my hand up to stop him. “Maybe _romantically_ you’ve moved on. But she still has a hook in you somewhere, and you’ve gotta figure out how to release yourself.”

Aidan took a long, deep breath, but he did not respond.

“How often are you in contact with her?” I asked quietly.

“Oh, not at all.” His eyes widened. “Last night was the first time she’s contacted me since the photos.” He paused. “Look…I don’t want you to worry about what is going on with Jane. I promise you…we haven’t been in contact at all except for the times I’ve told you.” He picked up his phone and handed it to me. “Here, put your fingerprint in the system so that you can unlock it. I don’t want you to feel like I’m hiding anything from you anymore.”

I stared down silently at the phone in his hand for a moment, and then I looked back up at him. His understanding of the situation, and my feelings, was so far off. I couldn’t believe that he was so clueless.

“That’s not the point.” I replied quietly. “I don’t want to have to feel like I need to keep tabs on you. I want to trust you. I want you to tell me things, and feel comfortable enough discuss these issues. If you would have told me in the first place that Jane was threatening to post the pictures again, we could have talked about it, and avoided this whole ordeal. Or better yet, if you would have told me, weeks ago, that she was looking for that kind of bargain, we could have figured out a solution together. I don’t want to find these things out from your phone, Aidan. I want to hear them from you.”

He slowly retracted his phone and set it in his lap.

I could see his remorse, and I almost wanted to reach out and take his hand in mine, to show him that I cared, but at the same time, I wanted to get up and leave the room. Deep down, I was still furious, and I was now, once again, suspicious and unconvinced. It was like I’d sent myself back three months.

 _No_. It was Aidan who’d sent me backwards.

I chose to keep my hand in my own lap. “Does that all make sense? Because if it doesn’t, then we have bigger problems.”

He traced his finger along the edge of his phone. “It makes sense.”

We both sat in silence for a moment. I was afraid now; afraid that he’d do it again, that he’d find something else to keep from me. I wanted a glimpse into his mind, to know where it had been these past few weeks. And now, I wondered if he did really agree with me, or was he was just saying it to get me off his back?

“So, do you know what you’re going to do?” I asked quietly.

He ran his hand through his hair. “Will you be ok if she puts the photos back up? Because I can almost guarantee that she will…”

“And then what?” I asked. “A few people assume something that is false…and then it dies down, and it’s over. I can take it, Aidan.”

He frowned. “I wish it were that simple…”

I furrowed my brow, not seeing things the way that he was, and not sure why our opinions were still so different. He clearly felt like the photos were a much bigger deal than I did.

But before I had a chance to respond, he stood up and began unbuttoning his shirt as he walked around the foot of the bed.

“We’ve got a flight to catch. I’ve got to shower.” He tossed his white dress shirt across a chair and then sat down on the edge of the bed and turned to face me.

He held out his hand to me. “I really am sorry, Colette, about all of this.”

I watched his deep, hazel eyes, peering back into mine, and I _did_ see true guilt there. At least I didn’t doubt _that_.

I slowly reached my hand out and placed it in his, which was warm and rough; strong but encouraging. I sighed. “I’m sorry for looking at your phone.”

“I’m sorry that I caused you to feel like you had to.” Aidan responded.

I pressed my lips together into a tight smile, and he returned it with one of his own. I couldn’t bear to stay angry with him, at least not to the extent that I’d been all throughout the night. I took my other hand and placed in on my stomach, which was slowly beginning to grow.

His child… _our_ child was there…growing and becoming a little person. We owed it to our little bean, who was no longer just a bean. It was now our little pear, or our little avocado. And we owed it to the little soul in there, to be honest with each other, and to trust without waver. I had that kind of trust in me; I’d felt it before. I only hoped that Aidan had the honestly within him that would complete the circuit and make us the powerful team that we’d always been, in so many different ways. I was realizing that it wasn’t just about us anymore, and yet somehow, it all revolved around how successfully we could truly be “us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/ESKcreativeworks)   
>  [YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/c/eskcreative)   
>  [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/eskcreative/)


	51. Turquoise

“And…CUT.”

The sun was setting on the small stone house that was filmed as the exterior of Nampara, and it was also setting on my final day in Cornwall.

Aidan and Eleanor were shooting a scene with Beatie Edney, who played Prudie, as well as the young boy named Edison who played Jeremy, and one of the multiple babies who played Clowance, the newest Poldark child of season three.

They were all leaving the house together, dressed up for Clowance’s christening, and Eleanor carried the baby, wrapped in a white blanket, while Aidan held on to Edison’s tiny little hand.

I watched as they set up for the scene, and Aidan knelt down next to Edison and helped him straighten out his coat. He smiled as he spoke, and whatever he said must have been funny, because Edison grinned and giggled in response.

I couldn’t help but smile myself, as watched them interact, and I let my mind drift to the future. Aidan would someday be knelt down next to a miniature version of himself – I still felt strongly that it was a boy – just like he was now. And the little miniature would laugh and call him ‘daddy,’ and then I’d cook us all up some coddle, from Aidan’s mother’s recipe, and we’d laugh and play and make beautiful new memories.

“Are you sad to be leaving?”

I jumped almost a foot in the air at the sound of Theo’s voice suddenly beside me. I’d been so engrossed in watching Aidan that I’d completely become unaware of the rest of my surroundings.

“Oh, sorry.” Theo laughed at my response.

“No, you’re ok.” I chuckled back. “I think I am ready to head back to LA for a bit though.” I sighed. Cornwall had provided some wonderful memories to me, but I knew that goodbye to Cornwall wouldn’t be goodbye to Aidan because he was coming back with me to LA for a few days, and we’d be finding out the gender of the baby almost immediately upon our return.

Things had been fairly calm between Aidan and I ever since our argument in France. I felt like he’d understood the unpleasant situation he’d put me in at the after party, and he’d continued to apologize for that. His apologies felt genuine, and I didn’t doubt their truth. But I still wasn’t sure if I comprehended why he was still so set on continuing to fret about Jane and her motives, even though he’d apologized for that too. During these last two weeks in Cornwall, ever since we’d been back from France, he’d been completely upfront with me about every communication he’d had with her.

Luckily, the communication was few and far between. He’d texted her to let her know that he would not be meeting her in LA. I’d gone quiet after our argument and waited to see what he would do on his own, and not more than a few hours after our plane landed in Cornwall, he was telling me exactly what he was going to say to her.

As soon as he’d declined to meet her, she’d reposted the photos of me at the bar immediately to Twitter, and I’d watched as Aidan struggled to hold himself together as the negative comments and articles rolled in. He may not have been visibly active on social media, but he certainly spent enough time following it, more so now than ever.

He was uneasy, now that Jane had won this battle, and sometimes I wished I could just shake him out of his funk and tell him to get over it. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, she still had a power over him that he could not release himself from, and I’d decided that, instead of being angry with him for it, I would show him that he could trust me with his feelings. It had been working so far, it seemed. He’d been honest with me about his anger and frustration towards her when she took back to Twitter, and I didn’t feel like he was continuing any secret communication with her anymore. But sometimes, late at night, after he’d set his phone down and laid down to sleep, I’d watched him stare at the ceiling for a few minutes too long, and I desperately wondered what was going on inside his head.

Back in the present, Theo was still standing next to me, saying something that I hadn’t heard a word of.

“Sorry, say that again?” I blinked, focusing my attention on him.

He smiled. “When will you join us over in Bristol for the rest of filming?”

“Oh, I’ll be back in July. For a month that time too.”

“The sets are pretty well done, and the days are a lot less exhausting than they are here in Cornwall. It’s more relaxed.” He replied.

“Well, that’s good to hear.” I answered, thinking about the fact that I’d be six months pregnant at that point, and probably less capable of enduring long, exhausting days.

“It’ll be good to see you.” Theo said, and I was about to respond, but suddenly Eleanor was beside me, holding the small baby who played Clowance.

“Colette, could I pass her off to you for a moment? Her mother stepped away briefly to the restroom, and I need to film this last scene with Beatie.” Eleanor, began to hold the baby towards me slightly.

I hesitated for a moment, looking around at the rest of the crew, but everyone had a job to do, whether it be adjusting the lighting, or tending to makeup and hair. I was the only one with an available set of arms.

Looking back at the tiny baby, I tentatively extended my hands. “Sure, yeah I guess I could…”

“Thank you, you’re a dear.” Eleanor smiled, passing the little one off to me. “Her mother is just there.” She pointed at a trailer in the near distance.

I swallowed nervously and took the baby into my arms, careful to support her correctly. She was wrapped in a soft white blanket, and she looked up at me with bright blue eyes. It had been so long since I’d held a baby, and now, with the reality of knowing I’d have one of my own soon, my emotions were on edge.

Someone called Theo to lend them a hand, and as he walked away, I turned and sat down in one of the folding chairs that had been set up in the grass. Cradling the baby in my left arm, I adjusted the blanket around her face gently, amazed by how tiny and delicate she was. She wiggled her little hand out from the confines of her blanket and grasped onto my finger.

I smiled warmly as I let her hold on. Her grip was impressive, and I couldn’t help but grin even wider as her eyes darted around at the sky, and her little lips formed “oohs” and “ahhs” as she took in her surroundings.

“Enjoying yourself?” Aidan’s low and familiar voice startled me slightly as he sat down in the empty chair next to me.

I looked up at him and bit my lip, trying to contain the joy that I felt in this moment. He smiled back knowingly, and touched his finger to the baby-soft skin of her fist as she held onto me.

“Dare I say, you look like a natural?” Aidan grinned.

I smirked and looked around to see if anyone was noticing our little moment, but everyone was minding their own business.

“She’s pretty sweet.” I replied as I watched her eyes start to droop shut.

“So will our daughter.” Aidan leaned in and whispered.

I swung my head towards him quickly. “Shhhhhh…”

He chuckled and leaned back in his chair.

“Besides…” I continued quietly. “You’ve gotta stop assuming it’s a girl. I’m gonna tell him when he grows up that you called him a girl for the first five months of his existence.”

Aidan grinned and shrugged his shoulders, and I shook my head and laughed. I looked back down at her little face, and I was amazed by the fact that she’d managed to fall asleep amongst all of the chaos on set. Her small body was warm and heavy in my arms, and she trusted me in this moment; trusted my protection and my comfort, just as my own little bundle would, in a future that was growing nearer each day.

***

“Ahhh…It feels good to be home.” Aidan said as he tossed his bag on the ground of our bedroom in LA and flopped down onto the bed.

I crawled up next to him and propped myself up on my elbow, watching him breathe slowly and evenly with his eyes closed. “You think of this as home now?”

He opened his eyes and turned his head to look at me. “This is where I’ve spent the most time with you, besides the island, so yes, this feels the most like home to me.”

I smiled and began to trace circles across his arm. “I would have thought Dublin would have been ‘home’ to you.”

“It is, and it always will be in some sense. But LA reminds me of you, and you feel like home.”

I smirked. “I feel the same, and it still blows my mind every day.”

“What, the fact that I feel like home to you?” He asked, rolling onto his side to face me.

“Yeah…” I said, linking my fingers between his. “Sometimes, I just take myself back seven months, and think about my life before you, and how ridiculous this whole scenario would have sounded to me.”

He closed his fingers around mine, and I felt a surge of safety and comfort at his touch.

He scrunched his eyes and bit his lip. “Still think I’m that great after the jerkish moves I’ve made over the last few weeks?”

I traced my thumb across his and thought about my words for a moment. “Of course I do. We’ve been through so much together, and there is so much more in our future…” I paused and swallowed. “I hope, at least…But we’re both bound to make some mistakes.”

Aidan tilted his head in response. “You _hope_?”

I looked at him tentatively. “Well, yeah…hope is all I have right now…until, you know, someday maybe it becomes commitment…” I could almost feel the blush creeping into my cheeks.

“Commitment, huh?” Aidan asked, and I saw a hint of a grin play on his face. “And what’s your opinion on that topic?”

I tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear nervously. Now was my time to voice the thoughts that had been plaguing my mind lately. I’d prepared the words in my head for weeks. “My opinion is that it should be taken seriously, and not lightly…out of love and choice, and not out of necessity.”

Aidan’s face became serious as he registered the deeper interpretation that left my lips. “I couldn’t agree more. Urgency is not a good predecessor to commitment. But true, abiding love is.”

“And what kind of love do you think we have?” I asked boldly.

He took a breath. “Well, I think it’s still new, but I also think it’s some of the truest and purest love that I’d ever fathomed could be possible.”

The corners of my mouth turned up into a smile as I listened to his sweet words.

He took another breath. “I also think that our love is building. And it’s moving in a direction where urgency and necessity eventually won’t play a role in the choice of commitment, but rather the decision will come more naturally.” He paused. “I’m eager to get there.”

I almost chuckled, because the way we were both tiptoeing around the topic of marriage was fairly amusing. But at the same time, there was something sweet about the allure of the subject, and the lack of bluntness we were using. This way, we were able to still communicate that we were on the same page, while simultaneously keeping the mystery alive.

It was clear that he didn’t want to rush into things because of the baby, and it left a calmness in my heart to know that he respected the weight of true commitment. I never wanted to pressure him, but I’d been so curious to know what was going through his mind, and it was so exciting to know that it was in the same place as mine.

I met his gaze intentionally and smiled. “I kind of love you a lot.”

He smirked and leaned in to kiss me softly. “I kind of love you a lot, too.” And then he grinned again. “And because I love you, I haven’t forgotten that your birthday is tomorrow, and so you’d better clear your schedule in the evening.”

My eyes lit up. “Oh? Have you planned something?”

He stood up from the bed and turned his head to look at me over his shoulder with a grin. “Oh, I’ve got plans, darlin’, I’ve got plans.”

***

  
The next evening, I was in the bathroom at the mirror, finishing my makeup and my hair, and preparing for whatever birthday plans Aidan had up his sleeve. He’d told me to wear something nice, and to meet him in the living room when I was ready, but he refused to tell me anything else.

I felt a little bit anxious about what he had planned, because I knew his birthday was coming up too, in just a few weeks, and while I’d gotten him a gift – tickets to see his favorite musician, Nick Cave for the next time we’d be in Dublin – I hadn’t planned an _entire_ evening. I made a mental note that I needed to start thinking about that.

Straightening my dress, which was a simple black number with an A-line shape to hide my small bump, I looked at myself in the mirror. Reflecting back was a face I’d been looking at my entire life, and I still recognized it, but this girl had been through so much now, and her life had taken such a new direction.

A wonderful, beautiful, exciting, promising, unbelievable, exhilarating new direction.

I smiled at myself and then left the bathroom and made my way to the living room to meet Aidan. But when I got there, he was nowhere to be found. I looked around the corner of the kitchen, and then glanced at the half-bathroom door, but it was open. Standing in place, I turned in circles, trying to figure out where he was. He’d said he would be here waiting for me.

“Aidan?” I questioned the emptiness of the room.

And then there was a knock on the door. I swung around to face it, furrowing my brow. I hadn’t let anyone through the gate. Had Aidan? Had we left it open?

I looked around again and saw no sign of him, so I tiptoed slowly to the door and listened closely, but I heard no noises from the other side. I grasped the handle tentatively and pulled it open just an inch so that I could see who it was. I was almost afraid of who might appear before my eyes, and I braced myself, but then a warmth washed over me as I recognized Aidan smirking back at me.

I blinked and laughed, pulling open the door fully and staring at him. He was wearing a camel-colored, perfectly tailored suit, with a white shirt and a cream-colored tie. His curls were slicked back slightly, but still not completely tamed, and in his hand, he held a single red rose. He was almost _too_ gorgeous.

“What are you doing out here?” I asked, glancing down at the rose and then back up at him.

He grinned widely and held the flower out to me. “Picking you up for our date, of course.”

I couldn’t help the large, genuine smile that formed on my face as I took the rose from him. “But, you live with me.” I chuckled.

“Well, tonight, I’m here to win you over with my smooth dating skills that I never had the chance to woo you with.” His tone was cheeky as he placed his hands in his pockets casually.

I bit my lip and watched him with amusement, deciding to play along. But in what other scenario would Aidan Turner ever have surprised me at my door for a date? The thought made me laugh again.

“Well, let me put this in some water and get my purse.” I gestured to the rose in my hand. “It is beautiful, thank you.”

“You look absolutely beautiful yourself.” He smiled, maintaining eye-contact with me. “I scored well on this date.”

I laughed. “You haven’t scored _yet_.”

“Is that a challenge?” He raised an eyebrow at me.

“Wow, are you usually this forward on your dates?” I joked, stepping inside and grabbing a tall glass and filling it with water, but feeling tingles down my spine in response to his words.

Aidan leaned against the open door frame, crossing his arms and watching me. “It’s working, isn’t it? I know that look in your eye.”

I blushed as I placed the rose into the water and then wiped my hands on a towel. I walked back towards him and grabbed my purse before stepping past him out onto the porch. “I guess you’ll have to find out later how well you’ve done.”

***

Aidan drove the winding streets all the way down the hills and into downtown LA. He pulled up to the valet at one of the high-class hotels that I’d never stepped foot in, and then once we’d stepped out of the car, he took my hand and led me inside towards the elevator.

“There is a restaurant on the rooftop. Have you ever been?” He asked, pressing the button to call the elevator car.

I shook my head and looked around at the shiny marble floors and the intricate chandeliers. “No, I’ve never been to a place like this.”

We rode up to the top floor, and when the doors opened, Aidan placed his hand on the small of my back, guiding me into the restaurant. I expected that, even though it was a Tuesday night, there would be lots of patrons sitting down for dinner, but to my surprise, the entire place was empty.

A man in a tailored black jacket walked towards us and smiled. “Mr. Turner, Ms. Matthews. Wonderful to see you this evening.”

Aidan shook his hand. “Thank you, sir.”

The man gestured for us to follow him. “I’ll show you to your table.”

I whispered to Aidan as he guided me forward. “Why is no one here?”

“Because _we’re_ here.” He replied as we were seated at a single table near a large wall of windows that looked out onto the evening skyline.

As the host left us alone at our table, I looked at Aidan in awe. “You booked the whole place?”

He smiled. “Just for an hour or two. I wanted us to just get to be ourselves, without anyone recognizing us or interrupting our evening.”

I watched him with a bit of interest. If we wouldn’t have had the conversation about marriage and commitment yesterday, I would have been extremely suspicious of the extra effort that he’d put into this evening.

He grinned and placed his hand on the table, inviting me to take it. “I just want to make your birthday special, that’s really all this is. And I don’t want you worrying about who we might run into, or who might be staring from across the room because they’ve figured out who we are. I just wanted it to be you and me.”

As I placed my hand in his, I watched his kind eyes, illuminated by the soft light of the candle at the center of the table. “You’re so good at planning things like this.”

He scoffed. “When have I ever done this before?”

“How about when you surprised me with that dinner atop that big rock?” I laughed.

Aidan rolled his eyes. “God, I sure hope this meal is better than that one.”

I squeezed his hand reassuringly. “They’re both special in their own way. Thank you so much.”

“You’re very welcome.” He squeezed back.

A waiter arrived at our table and asked us for our drink orders. I requested a water, and so did Aidan, but when the waiter left, I spoke up.

“You can get a real drink…” I encouraged.

“Nah.” He replied, sitting back in his chair.

“Aidan…” I paused. “You know that I don’t have a problem with you drinking…”

“I know.” He replied, opening his menu. “And I will. But it’s your birthday, and I’m not going to stir up any bad memories. I’m perfectly fine being just as sober as you are tonight.”

I sighed. “Well, as long as you know that it doesn’t bother me when you drink.”

He looked up at me and smiled. “I know.” And then he grinned wider. “And I’m excited to get a few in you someday and see what happens.”

I laughed. “It won’t take but a few…”

Dinner was lovely. We laughed quite a bit as we ate, reminiscing about things that had happened in Cornwall, and talking about how excited we were to find out the gender of the baby tomorrow. Things were happening fast now. The determination of the gender meant that we’d be thinking of names and buying tiny clothes and decorating a nursery. I also knew that we were getting close to the point of having to reveal our secret to the world. I wouldn’t be able to hide my bump that much longer. Maybe another month at most, but we needed that time to prepare and plan for how we’d deal with the media.

For dessert, we ordered a slice of a decadent coconut cake, because we thought the flavor was humorously appropriate. I realized that I hadn’t had even one bite of anything coconut-related since we’d left the island, and as I took my first bite tonight, the memories came flooding back.

I closed my eyes as I let the taste fill my mouth. “Well, that’s _really_ sweet, but wow does that bring me back.”

Aidan was savoring his bite too. “I wasn’t sure if I’d hate the taste, after all this time, but it does incite a powerful memory.”

I opened my eyes to see that his amber ones were staring back at me. “Do you think we would still be there now…if Harrison and Jimmy hadn’t found us?” My voice was quiet.

Aidan licked a bit of frosting from the corner of his lip. “I think that, like they said, the coconut harvesters would have eventually shown up, maybe by now, and found us.”

I set my fork down in front of me slowly. “I miss it a lot. Am I crazy to miss something that was so dangerous?”

He smiled warmly. “If you’re crazy, then I must be too. But, no, I think we miss the best parts; the freedom to take things day-by-day, and the simplicity of just focusing on ourselves and each other.”

“I miss the warm sand and the peaceful, clear, blue waters too.” I mused, remembering waking up each morning to fresh, crisp air and bright sunshine.

“It’s funny you should say that.” Aidan grinned, pulling out a small wrapped box with a delicate bow and passing it to me across the table. “Happy Birthday.”

I looked at the small box eagerly and traced my finger across the shiny wrapping paper.

“Don’t worry, it’s not a ring.” He chuckled.

I grinned back. “You didn’t have to get me anything.”

“Open it up.” He encouraged.

With gentle fingers, I untied the bow and tore the paper from the gift, revealing a small light blue box. I would have recognized that color anywhere, as I made out the words on the top, Tiffany & Co.

I looked up at him quickly with shocked eyes. I’d admired jewelry from Tiffany many times, but was always plagued with sticker-shock. Most of their pieces were easily multiple thousands of dollars.

“Aidan, this is too much.”

He grinned. “You haven’t even opened it yet!”

“But, I know how much these cost…you didn’t have to…”

“What matters is that I wanted to.” He beamed.

I took a deep, tentative breath as I opened the box slowly. I knew he was plenty comfortable financially, and this probably didn’t break the bank, but I still didn’t feel worthy of such expensive things.

I looked inside and saw a delicate necklace, made of yellow gold, with a small circle pendant featuring a striking blue turquoise stone, traced with tiny diamonds.

I breathed slowly. “This is…beautiful.”

Aidan spoke up. “When I saw it, it immediately reminded me of the color of the ocean, and I knew it was perfect. A reminder that you can carry with you.”

I touched the stone, grinning, and then looked up at him. “It _is_ perfect. Thank you so much.” I took it from the box and unclasped the hook, and then it held it out to him. “Will you help me put it on?”

He smiled and stood up. “Of course.”

Walking around the table to me, he took the necklace in his hands and brushed the hair from my neck so that he could fasten it around me. As his fingers grazed my skin, I felt goosebumps rise. Even now, after so many months together, such an innocent touch could still entice my senses.

After he’d clasped it, he dropped my hair back in place and then began to walk back to his seat, but I grasped his hand quickly and pulled him down to me. He was caught off guard, but I kissed him tenderly and I felt his lips smile into mine.

“Thank you…” I said again, leaning back and looking into his eyes.

“You’re welcome, love.” He beamed at me.

After dinner, we took a short walk in a nearby park, holding hands and chatting about all sorts of things. It was the perfect evening, by many of my standards. We were able to enjoy a night out, without the hustle and bustle of crazy nightlife. Aidan really did know me well. I was now officially 29 years old, and I had a feeling the last year of my twenties was going to be the most unique, but the most beautiful yet.

Eventually, I started to get cold, and so we decided to head home. After we stepped out of the car, back at the house, the automatic lights had come on, illuminating the front porch. I climbed the steps, thinking about how wonderful the night had been, and how thoughtful Aidan was to have planned it for me.

Feeling euphoric about life, and completely content with how the night had played out, I looked down at the pot of flowers by the door and noticed that they were beginning to wilt.

“Well, this will not do.” I sighed. “I need to water these.”

“Maybe in the morning.” Aidan spoke from behind me, and grabbed my waist in his hands, spinning me around quickly to face him.

A cheeky grin spread across his face, and he pulled me into him as his lips found mine. His arms wrapped around me and the length of our bodies pressed into each other. I could immediately feel that he was eager in one very obvious way.

I giggled against his mouth. “Yeah, yeah, so I guess you do get to score tonight.”

He rested his forehead against mine and licked his lips. His darkened eyes stared deeply into mine. “Mmmm…alright, birthday girl, what do you want?”

I felt my heart begin to beat faster as he watched me for an answer. Surges of something wonderful trickled down to my very core, and the air around us seemed to grow thick with desire. I could see that he was overcome with need, and that was, without question, my favorite version of him.

“I want nothing more than for you to do exactly what _you_ want.” I responded breathlessly.

A low growl escaped his throat and then his lips crashed onto mine again as he pushed me backwards into the door. He fumbled for his key in his pocket and then shoved it into the lock between passionate kisses.

After pushing it open, he took my hand firmly and lead me to the bedroom with long strides. He immediately shed his jacket and then closed the distance between us, weaving his fingers through the hair on the back of my head and pulling me close to him.

I brought my hands up and worked on his tie, pulling it loose and sliding it up his neck. He leaned back and allowed me to pull it over his head, but it caught on his mouth just briefly and we both laughed.

His eyes crinkled with amusement as he helped me to remove it fully and then he tossed it aside. I looped my arms around his neck, and he placed his hands behind my thighs, picking me up so that my legs wrapped easily around his waist.

My shoes, loose on my feet, dropped to the ground with two light thuds as he walked us over to the bed and slowly lowered us both down onto it.

He kissed me tenderly at first, savoring the moment with slow, deliberate touches and caresses, and I knew that he was trying to speak my language and give me the time that I needed, but tonight, I was already there. I knew he was too, so I reached for his shirt and began to unbutton it quickly.

Understanding my actions, he sat up and knelt between my legs, finishing the job with the buttons, and letting the shirt fall from his shoulders, revealing his perfect chest.

I sat up too and unzipped my dress at the side, and then pulled it over my head. It was the kind of dress that didn’t require a bra, so I was wearing nothing underneath besides my underwear.

His eyes traveled up and down my body, and I laid back down in front of him, never breaking my gaze from his face. I loved to watch him while he watched me; loved to see the desire in his eyes.

He stepped off the bed quickly and removed his pants and boxers, and then he crawled back up and linked his fingers onto the lace of my underwear, pulling them down my legs and throwing them to the floor.

As he made his way back up to me, he gazed into my eyes and then kissed me gently. “You’re so sweet, and so…sexy…I can hardly take it.”

I trailed my fingers across his broad shoulders, and then up his neck and into the soft curls of his hair, tangling them there. “I’m so glad that you’re mine.” I whispered.

His lips moved down to my neck as his fingers moved down my torso, inching closer to the place I needed them most. “Mmmm…my sweet, sweet Colette…” He spoke seductively into my ear.

And then his touch moved lower, and the breath hitched in my throat, and the room grew silent to my ears, and the colors grew brighter in his eyes as he watched me. It didn’t take long before I was begging him to take me even higher, and he had no qualms about the request.

We moved together in the sweetest and most sensual moments that followed, building up to a frenzied grasp on each other.

When I was with him like this, no one else existed, and everything else was forgotten, besides he and I and the desperate pleas within us. We could have been in the sand on our island or in our bed in our home. I barely knew. And in the moment, I didn’t care.

Skin and sweat and heat.

Love and desire and promise.

Those were all that mattered when we fully gave ourselves to each other, and with each breath, we grew closer, in all the ways of the flesh, and also of the heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And....there's the sap again...hahahaha
> 
> Also, if you're a visual person, here's Aidan's date outfit (imagine seeing that at your door 😍 ) and the necklace he gave her:
> 
>   
> 
> 
> [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/ESKcreativeworks)  
> [YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/c/eskcreative)  
> [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/eskcreative/)


	52. Perfect

The words on the screen stared back at me like daggers to my heart.

_Stupid conniving witch. And what’s wrong with her face?_

I scrolled down on my phone.

_I don’t know. I don’t think any amount of makeup could improve her. She’s so plain. It hurts my eyes._

I took a deep breath, and then let it out slowly and evenly. It had been weeks since I’d spent more than a few minutes on my Facebook feed, but for some reason, this morning I had an urge to check up on some of the Aidan fan groups that I’d joined over a year ago, back when he was just a fantasy that I admired from afar.

When I’d first arrived back in LA, there had been dozens of messages waiting for me, from various members of the groups, desperate for a small taste of the life I lived now, or some juicy information about Aidan. I’d only responded to one or two polite ones, because I hadn’t been very active on the groups before anyway, and so I didn’t actually know these people. I also wanted to respect Aidan’s privacy and I didn’t want to take any chance of losing my own.

As the months passed, the messages slowed down as the fans began to give up, and I started to forget about the groups completely, but today, I grew curious again. I navigated to the pages, one by one, to see what was being said about him, and the memories flooded back as I remembered what it was like when I had to scan the groups for information too. It was odd to be on the other side now, seeing Aidan in front of me constantly, in my house, in my room, in my bed…

On the first two groups I checked, there were a few paparazzi photos of both Aidan and I scattered throughout. The comments on those photos were mostly about Aidan, and they remarked on how glad they were that he was alive and well. There were even a few nice words about me. But on the third group, my eyes were met by the photos that Jane had taken of me at the bar, and the comments were disheartening.

I’d seen other negative remarks around Twitter, and also in a few articles that had broken down Jane’s accusations, but these comments were harsh and piercing; unnecessarily hurtful.

_He could do so much better. Do you think that’s her natural hair color? It looks like dirty mop water._

I set my jaw and swallowed with difficulty, squeezing my eyes shut for a moment.

“What are you reading, love?” Aidan asked from beside me on the bed, trying to steal a look at my phone screen.

“It’s nothing…” I sighed, laying it down on my lap and leaning back against the headboard.

Aidan looked at me curiously for a moment, and then he reached over and took my phone in his hands, bringing in front of his gaze.

I turned my head to watch him read. His brow furrowed as he scrolled, and his expression grew sour and angry.

I watched his chest rise and fall as he finally set the phone down again and stared across the room with a scowl.

He shook his head and breathed deeply. “It never fails…”

I took my phone from his lap and closed out of the Facebook app. “It’s really alright.” I sighed. “They get a high off of it for some weird reason.”

Aidan closed his eyes and clenched his jaw. “You shouldn’t have to be reading that.”

I shrugged my shoulders. “It doesn’t really bother me.”

But at the same time, I pulled my hair around my neck and looked down at it, wondering if I should consider having it colored. It _was_ kind of dull.

Aidan watched me examine it for a moment, and then he leaned over and took my face in his hands, tilting my chin up to look at him.

His hurt eyes stared into mine. “You’re perfect and beautiful in every way.” He leaned in and kissed my forehead, and then he frowned and gestured towards my phone. “Please don’t take any of that nonsense to heart.”

I smiled softly. “I don’t.”

I expected him to smile in return, but he studied me for a few seconds instead, and I could see the worry in his eyes. I really was fine. I’d received hurtful words before – not on such a public platform – but I could take it. Aidan’s love and admiration was what mattered most to me, and I would focus on that in every chance I could.

Aidan looked down at my blank phone and then pulled the covers back and climbed out of bed without another word. I sighed and got up too, following him to the bathroom.

We brushed our teeth in silence, side by side. He was deep in thought again, just like he was back in Cornwall when Jane had first reposted the pictures.

But I wasn’t in the mood to try and dig deeper today, so I changed the subject as I began to brush my hair.

“So, any final guesses before my appointment this morning?” I grinned at him.

He ran his fingers through his curls, smoothing them back over his head, and then turned to me and smiled. “I’m not changing my mind _now_. It’s a girl for sure.”

I reached over and took his hand in mine, and then I pulled him close to me and wrapped my arms around his waist. Looking up into his eyes, I smiled warmly. “I think it’s kind of hilarious that we’ve been at odds about the sex of the baby – you thinking it’s a girl, and me thinking it’s a boy. I can’t wait to just know, and then we’ll see the future a bit more clearly.”

He smiled back and wrapped his arms around me too. “We’ll need to start thinking about the nursery.”

“And a name.” I added, tracing my fingers across his lower back.

Aidan grinned and brushed a strand of hair from my forehead. “This is all getting so real. Are you starting to feel a bit more ready?”

I raised an eyebrow at him. “Are _you_?”

He chuckled. “Yeah, I suppose not. I guess we just dive in.”

I smiled at him, studying his features and wondering which ones would be passed on to our child. I hoped his kind eyes would be.

“I guess we just dive in.” I replied.

***

At the doctor’s office, we were able to walk right in to my appointment without the fear of sitting in the waiting room and being recognized. I was glad that we were accommodated in that way, and I wondered if that was how they treated any patients who preferred anonymity, or if it was just reserved for celebrities. I certainly wasn’t one, but Aidan was, and I was recognizable by association.

Living in LA, it was more common to be granted such requests, but also equally more common to be spotted, whether by accident, or by being followed. Everyone had their eyes peeled for celebrities here.

Once we were in the examination room, I climbed up onto the table and laid back. The doctor wasn’t in yet, so Aidan came to stand beside me. He placed his hand gently on my protruding stomach.

“This is so exciting.” He grinned.

I smiled back, glad to see his eagerness. “You know, I’m officially more than half-way through this pregnancy. We’d better enjoy this calm before the storm.”

His palm left my belly and found my own hand, interlocking his fingers with mine. “We’ve weathered storms before. And as scary as they can be, they’re always equally as nourishing.”

We locked eyes for a moment, each of our expressions smiling back into the face of the other. We were really going to do this. We were almost parents.

In a certain way, we already were.

There was a knock at the door, and then it swung open and revealed the familiar face of my doctor. She was middle-aged and friendly looking. She entered the room with a clipboard in her hands.

“Colette! Wonderful to see you.” She turned to Aidan. “And you as well, Aidan.” She shook his hand and then mine, before pulling the sonogram equipment closer to me.

“How have you been feeling? Anything different?” She asked as she switched on the machine.

“I’ve been feeling pretty great. A little more tired, and I feel _huge_.” I laughed.

She smirked and shifted the bottom of my shirt up to expose my stomach. “You look like you’re right on target. And your weight agrees with that.”

Aidan came to stand on the other side of the table as the doctor uncapped the tube of ultrasound gel.

“Sorry, this’ll be a bit cold.” She apologized as she placed a large dollop just below my belly button.

I bit my lip as the coolness spread across my skin, and I watched as she touched the ultrasound device to my stomach and began to move it gently.

“So, are we looking to find out if it’s a little he or a little she today?” She asked, as she adjusted some of the controls on the machine.

I took Aidan’s hand in mine firmly. “We sure are.”

“Alright, well let’s see what we can see here…” As she moved the device around, I began to make out the shapes on the screen, even as the doctor narrated. “Here…is the head. And that’s an arm there.”

I felt Aidan’s hand squeeze mine as we waited patiently. I could barely contain my excitement. I squinted at the screen, trying to tell for myself, trying to confirm my strong inclination that it was boy, but I didn’t have the eye that the doctor had.

She looked for a few more seconds before she spoke up/ “Ok Colette. This was an easy one…” She paused as if to drag out the anticipation just a bit longer. And then her voice was sweet and congratulatory as she spoke. “You have a little girl in there.”

My heart skipped a beat and I looked up at Aidan quickly, who was beaming at the screen.

“I can’t believe it…” I breathed.

He looked down at me warmly. His eyes crinkled as his smile grew. “That’s what I told you, didn’t I?”

The doctor spoke up. “Ah, so dad made the right guess on this one, huh?”

My heart skipped another beat as she referred to him as a father so easily. It was all becoming so real. We were parents to-be. Parents of a sweet, precious little daughter.

All at once, my mind shifted. I’d spent all this time envisioning a little mini version of Aidan. A little boy who’d get into trouble and make all kinds of messes. Now, my mind was filled with images of pretty dresses and pink bows and baby dolls.

Aidan bent down to kiss me gently – a celebration of our news. When he stood back up straight, he grinned at me, and there was a sweetness in his eyes, almost as if tears might form there.

“She’s a healthy little girl.” The doctor confirmed. “And active too. Let me see if I can get a good picture here for you, if she’ll stop moving around.”

I smirked and looked at the screen, watching our daughter fight with the camera, preferring not to show her face. She was already becoming her father.

I looked back up at Aidan who was watching the ultrasound intently, as if nothing else existed in the room.

“She’s a fidgety one.” The doctor laughed.

“She probably gets that from me.” Aidan grinned.

“Well, I think everything looks perfect.” She said as she finally got a good picture, and she sent it to print. “Just keep doing whatever you’re doing, Colette. You’re doing just fine. I don’t see any ill effects from your first few weeks of malnourishment. She seems to be right on target.”

“Thank you so much.” I smiled as she handed me a paper towel to wipe the gel from my stomach.

When I sat up, she passed us the sonogram photo, and after gazing at it for a moment, I held it close to my chest. There was something about knowing the gender that started to give me a sense of her little personality.

“I’ll see you in a few weeks.” The doctor smiled at me, before leading us out of the exam room and back towards the lobby.

“Bye. Thank you again.” I repeated as we parted from her and stepped back into the waiting room.

Aidan took my hand and then reached over to grab the photo from me. “Let me see her again. I can’t get enough of her.”

I gladly let him take it from me as we walked, and he held it up in front of him, studying it closely.

My eyes were on him and my smile grew as I watched the sweet reactions he was having to the new knowledge of his daughter. But I soon saw that his gaze left the photo and focused straight ahead.

He stopped in his tracks.

I did too.

Slowly, my head turned to see what had caused him to pause, and as soon as I did, I wished I hadn’t.

In the lobby, Jane stood in front of us, a look of shock on her face, almost as astonished as the ones on ours.

“Um, hi.” She said breathlessly, and I could tell immediately that she’d had no intention of running into us today.

How could I have known that she saw the same gynecologist? This was purely coincidence. Her expression told me that truth.

Aidan blinked for a moment and then dropped his hand that held the sonogram down to his side. He cleared his throat, but didn’t speak.

I was frozen, completely unable to move. There was no telling what would happen in the next few moments.

“Is that…a sonogram?” Jane asked quietly. I could actually hear the reservation in her voice. Even she didn’t expect this one.

Aidan set his jaw and stared directly at her. I could tell he was contemplating his options. But he knew he was too far revealed to lie.

“Yes, it is.”

Jane looked at me quickly, and then back at him. I could see that she was trying to muster up excitement in her expression. “Oh my…I had no idea.” Her eyes met mine again. “When are you due?”

I gulped, not sure how to respond.

But Aidan spoke up for me. “In the fall.”

Jane looked back at him, and I finally saw a glimmer of deviousness touch her eyes. She’d gotten over her initial shock. Now she was in her element.

“I overheard you say it was a girl?” She eyed him carefully, and then looked at me again. “If you know the sex, that means you must be, what? At least twenty weeks along?”

She brought her hand to her chin and squinted her eyes for a moment. “Taking that math, and tracing it backwards, provides some interesting results.”

My heartbeat began to speed up. She was putting the pieces together. We hadn’t even been back from the island for twenty weeks yet.

She knew.

She knew exactly what was going on.

Aidan stepped towards her slightly. “Jane…” His voice was low and commanding.

“Yes, Aidan?” Hers was high and sweet in the falsest way possible. She had him cornered now. He had no escape.

She knew it, and so did he.

“This is personal, private information, and as I’m sure you can imagine, we’d prefer to keep it that way.” He continued firmly.

“Of course, Aidan.” She smiled. But it wasn’t a smile of understanding and compliance, it was one of mischievous planning. “It’s a shame we couldn’t have met up the other night. I’d probably have agreed with you even more now. Would have been nice to sort some things out.”

I glared at her, and Aidan shook his head and spoke again. “Please stop assuming that I’m ever going to agree to that again, Jane.”

She shrugged her shoulders. “Fair enough. Well, I’m always at Perch on South Hill Street every Friday night, if you ever change your mind.” She smirked again as she referred to a bar downtown.

Aidan let out a long, frustrated breath, and then he took my hand in his again and pulled me in the direction of the exit. “We were just leaving.”

“Congratulations.” Jane said sweetly as we walked past her.

I met her gaze coldly, and she responded with a raise of her eyebrow. She might be able to fake happiness for a moment, but I knew that this news had to be crushing her. Any chance she felt she may have still had with him had disappeared like dust in the wind as soon as she laid eyes on us this morning.

I followed Aidan to the car – though I didn’t have much choice in the matter because he had an iron grip on my hand. We both climbed in and Aidan pulled the door shut vigorously behind him before slamming his hands down onto the steering wheel and cursing loudly.

I watched him with sadness, and then I sighed. “Well, that was unfortunate…”

Aidan threw his hands into the air. “Unfortunate? What is even happening? How are we running into her at the gynecologist of all places? LA is HUGE.”

“Well, that’s exactly it.” I replied quietly. “It _was_ pure coincidence. I could tell she was just as shocked to see us as we were her.”

Aidan dropped his forehead to his hands. “Well, that’s it. She’s gonna tell the whole fecking world. It’s over.”

“What’s over?” I asked, watching him sympathetically. “The world has to know eventually.”

He lifted his head and looked at me. “Yeah, but not like this. She’s gonna twist it. She’s gonna manipulate it until it holds no resemblance of the actual truth.”

I placed my hand on his arm gently. “Well, then, should we release the news now, first, before she gets the chance?”

Aidan shook his head. “My agent doesn’t even know yet. It’s a whole process. There’s no time to create a formal announcement and get it out in time for the various media to report it before Jane takes to whatever platform she chooses.”

I pursed my lips. “Maybe she won’t.”

But I knew she would.

Aidan looked at me again with tired, skeptical eyes. “Welcome to the sucky spotlight. I’m sorry, Colette.”

I furrowed my brow. “Sorry for what?”

Aidan closed his eyes and turned his head away from me, and then he placed his key in the ignition and started the car.

“Let’s go home.” He said quietly.

***

  
Later that evening, Aidan sat on the sofa, scrolling through his phone.

I’d finished drying the dishes from our dinner, and I watched him for a moment, wishing he wasn’t so preoccupied.

“The news won’t get out any slower or any faster if you sit and watch your phone like a hawk.” I said, walking towards him.

“I know…” He sighed. But he continued to scroll.

So, I stopped in front of him and gasped his phone gently with my hand. I waited for him to look at me, and when he did, I held eye-contact.

I never pulled, but eventually, he let go of his phone and allowed me to take it from him.

I gently set it on the end table, and then I climbed up onto the sofa and over his legs, gently straddling his lap, face-to-face with him. Placing my hands on his shoulders, right where they met his neck, I looked into his eyes.

“It’s all going to be ok.” I said firmly.

The eyes that gazed back at me were tired and worried. He was struggling, and he was angry. He was frustrated, and he was drained. Jane had done this to him, and I wasn’t sure how to fix it.

When we’d been on the island, I knew that Jane would eventually pose an issue, should we return. But I was never prepared for this. I couldn’t have imagined that she’d cause so much trouble, not just for me, but for Aidan too.

Would I have still made the decisions I had, if I’d known it would come to this?

Of course I would.

I wondered if Aidan would have too.

As if he were reading my mind, his expression softened and he lifted his hands and placed them in my hair, stroking it gently. “It will be ok. But right now, I’m not myself, and I apologize for that.”

I twisted my fingers into the soft curls at the back of his neck. “You know what is perfectly fine, though, right now?”

Aidan blinked slowly as he watched me. His touch on my hair, the soft pull of the strands, was almost putting me into a trance.

I smiled warmly. “Our daughter. She’s healthy and beautiful and perfect.”

Aidan closed his eyes as the corners of his mouth turned up pleasantly. “She is.” He said softly, and then he gazed at me again and leaned in, placing a soft kiss on my lips.

“And she’s all ours.” I grinned. “No one can take that away from us. How will you handle raising a daughter?”

His eyes began to twinkle. “Very carefully. And not without worry. She’s gonna give me some grey hairs.”

I smirked and ran my fingers through the curls that framed his face. “I think you’re going to be a wonderful father.”

We stared at each other for a moment, each of us traveling into the future in our minds. Were we traveling to the same place? He was watching me with interest and admiration. I felt like I could read his soul, but I couldn’t quite read his mind.

Aidan blinked finally. “Is this really happening? Eight months ago, we’d never even met, and now we’re about to raise a human being together.”

“It’s really happening.” I answered him, with an astonishment in my voice too. It was a nice reminder to know that he was just as shocked as I was.

“And yet somehow…” He continued. “I can’t imagine doing it with anyone else.”

A wave of emotions washed over me; the kind that made your throat tighten in both a painful and beautiful way at the same time. He’d shot me in the heart, like cupid with his arrow, so many times, you’d think I’d have been used to it at this point. But each time he reminded me of how special I was to him, I swore I felt it more deeply

I closed my eyes and leaned in, resting my forehead against his. We stayed that that for a few minutes, as if trying to communicate telepathically, where our skin met. I could feel his thoughts in this instant, freed from Jane for the moment, and I hoped he could feel mine too, because they were full of love and appreciation for the joy he’d brought into my life.

The moment was sweet and innocent, as we rested against each other, and I knew we needed it, to just be silent and still together, but eventually, after we’d fulfilled that need, another creeped into the minds of us both, as if traveling back and forth through telepathy too.

As slow as honey dripping from a spoon, Aidan tilted his chin towards me, meeting my eager lips with his soft ones, and the knot in my throat returned as I realized just how lucky I really was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay!!! A larger majority of you seemed to know it was a girl. I'm not surprised you agreed with Aidan 😉😂
> 
> The wait for the next chapter might be long again. My family is coming in from out of town today and staying through the weekend. I haven't seen any of them since Christmas, so I'll be focusing my attention away from writing for a few days. ❤️ But then I'll be back at it!
> 
> Also, 10,000 hits? You guys are AMAZING! Thank you so much!!!
> 
> [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/ESKcreativeworks)  
> [YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/c/eskcreative)  
> [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/eskcreative/)


	53. Confront

I woke up to the smell of breakfast wafting into the bedroom from the kitchen. I yawned and stretched my joints, sitting up in bed and picking up my phone. Memories of sleep flooded my mind. I’d dreamt that I was on the island, being chased by a woman with sharp stilettos and long, fake nails. She was faster than me, even as I ran barefoot in the sand. It defied reason that she was catching me so quickly, and I’d almost thought I might not get away, but the dream had faded into something else before it had finished.

As my senses continued to wake up this morning, I identified the smell of breakfast more clearly as bacon and pancakes, and it became even more enticing. I smiled. If Aidan cooked in the morning, it usually meant he was in a good mood.

On the other side of the room, his suitcase was already packed and ready. He was leaving for Cornwall in just a few hours. We would be apart for two weeks this time, before I joined him in Bristol for a month, for the indoor portion of shooting. We were both sad to say goodbye again, but we were both still riding the high from yesterday, finding out that we were having a girl, and the thought of having to say goodbye to each other for two weeks seemed like such a small blip on our radar.

I rubbed my hand up and down my stomach as I scrolled through my phone, thinking about our daughter, wondering who she’d look most like, and what we’d call her.

Nothing unusual filled my Twitter feed, so I breathed a little easier. But the negative opinions about me were becoming more widespread. I didn’t tweet from my own account anymore these days, since usually, a handful of rude comments would come flooding in, and I preferred not to be bothered by those. Aidan knew that I’d stopped posting as well, and I could tell that it bothered him. I’d been practically forced off of social media.

Jane hadn’t posted anything either since before we’d seen her yesterday at the doctor’s office.

I was actually surprised, and I briefly considered that maybe she’d finally come to her senses and chosen the higher road. If she hadn’t said anything on Twitter, which was where she usually went to release her gossip, then maybe she was holding it in after all.

But as soon as I navigated to my Facebook feed, my opinion changed.

Posted merely 2 minutes ago was an article on E News Online, and I took a deep, labored breath as I clicked through to it.

**Breaking Now: Colette Matthews Pregnant with Aidan Turner’s Child, Says Ex-girlfriend Jane Alderidge**

Alderidge claims she ran into the couple at their ultrasound appointment, and claimes Turner confirmed the news to her there.

“I asked him straight out, and he answered that yes, she’s pregnant.” Alderidge said in an early morning phone interview. “They’ve been keeping it a secret. And the detail that they don’t want everyone to know, is that they conceived on the island.”

E News has reached out to Turner’s representative for further confirmation. No response yet

When we asked Alderidge, who has continued to accuse Turner of cheating, to give us her take on the news, her response was harsh, but not surprising. “He’s a liar, and a cheater, and the fact that he allowed himself to go that far with her, when we were still together, shocks me, honestly. When he boarded that plane, we were on good terms. But she’s sneaky, that one. Colette might look sweet and innocent, but we all know she was just one of his fans before all of this, and I guarantee you, all she wanted was to get into his pants. Well, now she got more than she bargained for.”

We’ll continue to update this developing story.

I grimaced and set my phone down in front of me, staring at the screen for a moment.

_All she wanted was to get into his pants._

I scoffed. Is that what she thought of me? Just a crazed fan who’d used my time on the island with him as an opportunity to fulfill some outrageous fantasy to sleep with him? She had no grasp on the pain and turmoil we went through, and the danger and fears of never making it home alive.

If she only knew how conflicted I’d been about hurting her, and how many times I’d hesitated with him because I was afraid to be disrespectful.

We literally thought we might _die_ out there.

All we had were each other to cling to. Our bond was forged from something so much deeper than she could even fathom.

She didn’t understand.

She’d _never_ understand.

I looked at the open door to the bedroom, thinking about Aidan cooking happily in the kitchen, and then I looked down at the bed in front of me and paused, having a moment of silence for his good mood that would soon be shattered.

I sighed and climbed out of bed, pulling on a sweatshirt and shorts, and padding quietly out of the room in my bare feet. The shirt pulled a bit tighter over my stomach than it had even just a week ago, and I shook my head. We probably would have released our news within days anyway.

As I came around the corner, Aidan was flipping the pancakes onto a plate, and he turned to see me enter.

His expression brightened, and he set the plate down, walking over to me and placing a hand on my belly. “And how are my two ladies this morning?” He grinned and leaned down to kiss my stomach, before rising back up and touching his lips to mine gently.

“Our noses woke us up.” I smiled at him tentatively, trying to enjoy his pleasant mood for as long as possible.

“And do they like what they smell?”

“Very much so.” I leaned over the counter and eagerly eyed the pancakes and bacon, still steaming with heat.

“Then let’s eat. I’m so hungry. I was gonna come wake you if the smell didn’t work.” He chuckled.

We sat down at the table and began to eat. I didn’t look at him for a few moments, because I was afraid my expression might clue him in to my uneasiness.

He ate quickly, shoving large forkfuls of food into his mouth, and when I finally looked up at him, I smiled slightly, realizing how grateful I was to see him eating such a large plate of food. He didn’t have a care in the world for how he’d obtained it, and he wasn’t at all worried about when he’d see his next meal. I’d spent so many months watching him grow thinner and thinner, licking tiny bits of fish from their bones.

He was healthier now. Physically at least.

I wasn’t so sure about his mental state thought, seeing the way he was dealing with the pitfalls of fame again.

“Are you going out with Lainey today? I know you’ve missed her.” He asked between bites.

I sighed. “We’d like to, but I don’t think today will be a good day for that…plus, I’m showing too much.” I placed my hand on my stomach.

He frowned sympathetically at me.

“How did you sleep?” I asked.

“Bloody horrible.” He replied, raising his eyebrow in disgust. “But I’ve got a new perspective this morning.” He looked at me with hope in his eyes. “Jane hasn’t taken to Twitter yet, so I’m of the opinion that we should release the news today, before she has a chance. I know I said otherwise yesterday, but now that I’m thinking clearly, I think it would be the best idea to just get it out there.”

I set my fork down on the table without breaking eye contact. “Have you called Richard yet?” I asked, referring to his agent.

“Well, I wanted to speak to you first.” He replied kindly.

I gulped. “And he hasn’t called you either?”

Aidan’s brow furrowed slightly. “Why would he have?”

I set my jaw and slid my phone across the table towards him. “We’re too late.”

Aidan’s scowl deepened. “What do you mean? I just checked Twitter. There’s nothing there.”

“She didn’t use Twitter this time.” I stated flatly.

He eyed me for a moment longer, before shifting in his seat and looking down at my phone.

“It was published less than an hour ago.” I sighed.

Aidan read for a moment, and I watched as his face fell further and further into disgust. When he was finished, he shook his head and slid the phone back over to me.

He silently took his own phone from his pocket, looked at it briefly, and then slammed it down on the table. “Why didn’t he call me? What’s he doing, sitting on this information and letting that article be posted?”

“Who? Richard?” I asked.

“YES, Richard. Why hasn’t he called?” Aidan’s voice was tense.

I shrugged my shoulders. “Um…I don’t know. Maybe he realized he couldn’t do anything about the publication of the article, and so he’s letting you come to him instead?”

“But they’ve ASKED him for a statement. This is absolute bullocks. _Clearly_ , he should have contacted me immediately.” Aidan’s accent grew thicker, the angrier he got.

I rested my hand on my cheek and leaned forward on my elbow. I didn’t understand it any better than Aidan did.

He let his hands drop to his sides and he leaned back into his chair, looking at the ceiling. “If I would have just met up with her – “

I interjected. “Then she would have still released the news anyway. There is nothing you could have done.”

Aidan closed his eyes in frustration. “I could have _not dated her_.”

I sighed. “Well, that’s in the past. You couldn’t have known.”

“Yeah, but I _should_ have known. I mean, look at the things she’s saying about you. You should not have to be enduring this – “

But he was cut-off again as his phone began to ring. He looked at it and rolled his eyes. “About time.”

“Is it Richard?” I asked, sitting up taller.

He nodded and held the phone to his ear as he stood up and walked into the kitchen. “Hello?” He paused and brought his hand to his forehead. “Yes, it’s true. Why didn’t you call earlier? Could this have been prevented? …Yes, that’s true too. Yes, it’s all true…except for her inappropriate comments about Colette’s intentions.”

I watched Aidan speak for a moment, helplessly, before standing up and starting to clear the table.

“Of course I was going to tell you.” He continued into the phone. “As you can imagine, this has been a lot for us to navigate, and we were trying to keep it all under wraps for as long as possible… October, yes, she’s due in October. Can anything be done? All of the media is going to pick up Jane’s comments, and I don’t want those out there.”

I rinsed our plates in the sink and took a deep breath. He was asking for miracles. Jane’s opinion was permanent now.

“A statement?” He asked incredulously. “That’s it? Just a statement? Ok, how about _, Jane can go jump off a cliff?_ How’s that for a statement?”

“ _Aidan…_ ” I scolded him, stopping in my tracks and looking at him pointedly.

His eyes met mine with anger, but they softened slightly at my gaze. He took a long, deep breath and rubbed his forehead again. Then, he leaned against the counter and spoke into the phone again. “Alright, how about this? Yes, Colette is pregnant. We’re eager to welcome our daughter into the world in October. She’s our little miracle. She’s a surprising, but beautiful product of the trials of the island, and also of the love that we’ve built together. We look forward to raising her together, as a couple.”

My heart warmed at his sweet words, and I wondered if he’d come up with that statement on the fly, or if he’d prepared it in his head earlier this morning as he’d planned how to release the news.

“Fine. Yeah, that’s it. Please get that out as quickly as possible. Yeah…bye.” He ended the call and set his phone on the counter silently.

“That was very well put.” I said quietly.

“It won’t matter.” He said flatly as he waked past me and made his way towards the bedroom.

I followed on his heels. “Yes, it will. It’s good that you’ve said something official. Good that you’ve spoken up.”

He picked up a folded shirt from atop his suitcase, pulled his arms through it, and began to button it up the front. He was breathing heavily and struggling with the dexterity needed to button it correctly in his state of distress, so I reached forward and began to help him.

“Aidan, they’re just words. You’re real fans are going to trust _your_ words, not Jane’s.”

He looked at me with exhaustion. “This isn’t about my fans, Colette. I know they’re going to believe _me_. We both know that…and you probably know it more than anyone else. But this isn’t even about the news getting out, or what Jane’s said about me. It’s what she’s said about you, and what _will continue_ to be said about you by others, because of the ideas that Jane is putting in their heads.”

“But it’s all just speculation. They don’t actually know me.”

“EXACTLY.” He said loudly, pulling away and finishing the last button himself. “They don’t know you…”

I touched his shoulder gently. “But you do…and that’s all I care about.

He squeezed his eyes shut and set his jaw, and then he turned away and picked up his passport from the dresser. “I have to catch my flight. This morning’s been brutal.”

I frowned. “Only because you’ve let it be that way.”

He gave me a look that was almost a glare, like he was angry with me for not reacting as strongly as he had. “Please stop acting like this isn’t affecting you at all, Colette. You can’t even post on social media anymore. I _know_ you enjoyed that before. But the privilege has been ripped from you. I can see it in your eyes when you read the comments, the lies, the slurs. Don’t make me out to be a crazy person for caring.”

I blinked, taken aback by his harsh tone. “What do you want me to do, sit and cry about it? I don’t have time for that. I’m growing a baby here.” I touched my stomach. “I’m focused on our future. You’re stuck worrying about which insult will be written about me next.” I paused and eyed him carefully, almost feeling tears well in my eyes, but knowing I couldn’t cry after what I’d just said. “Aidan, I really DON’T CARE.”

His dark eyes bore into mine with frustration. “I don’t believe you.”

I furrowed my brow at him.

But he continued; his voice low and quiet. “Your life would be SO much easier if I’d never come into it.”

My chest heaved up and down as we stared at each other. “Is that what you would have preferred?” I asked quietly.

He closed his eyes and his nostrils flared in irritation. “I have to go, or I’ll miss my flight.”

When he opened his eyes again, he stepped towards me, placed his hand on my shoulder, and leaned in to kiss me gently, but quickly. It was a kiss out of necessity, in the midst of anger. He couldn’t leave me without a touch of affection. We both knew to never take long trips or flights for granted anymore. But receiving that kind of kiss was a painful and emotional thing to endure.

When he pulled away, he looked at me for a moment, and then he grabbed his suitcase and began to leave the room. “I’ll text you when I’ve landed. You’ll probably be asleep.”

And then he left.

He walked from the room without another word, and left me alone in our bedroom, silent and shaken.

I felt my blood boil. Not just at him, but at someone else too. Someone with piercing green eyes and an overabundance of lipstick.

Jane had done this to him. If when we’d come back from that island, and Jane had let him go – really, truly let him go – then NONE of this would have happened.

I was angry at Aidan, for taking things so personally, and for assuming that I was struggling more than I actually was, but the larger balance of my fury was directed at her; at that slimy, conniving, sneaky, pitiful woman who got her high off of putting others down.

I wasn’t going to stand for it anymore. I’d been silent for too long. She thought I was shy and reserved? Well, _not anymore_.

I replayed her words in my head from yesterday: _I’m always at Perch on South Hill Street every Friday night_.

Today was Friday.

And today was the day I stopped letting her ruin us. Because I knew that was her goal, and I knew I would NOT let her succeed.

***

_Perch_ was a fancy nightclub on the north side of town. It was the kind of place that attracted those who thought very highly of themselves. It was the kind of place I’d never been.

“What did Aidan say about you coming here?” Lainey asked from next to me in the backseat of our Uber.

“ _Aidan_ does not know.” I responded quickly. “Aidan _will_ _not_ know. I’ve inadvertently prevented him from solving this himself, by asking him not to see Jane, and that’s my fault. So, I’m fixing this now. And he wouldn’t have let me come if I’d told him, so I’m not telling him.”

Lainey raised her eyebrow at me.

I looked at her quickly. “What?” I shot back. “Don’t look at me like that. He’s literally questioning our relationship at this point. I WILL NOT let Jane come between us. This ends tonight.”

“And what are you going to say to her that’s going to magically end it tonight?” Lainey asked.

I looked down at my hands nervously. “I don’t know. But I’m so done.”

Lainey placed her hand on mine. “I know you are. That’s why I’m here. But… be careful.”

The car pulled up to the entrance to the club, and I pulled the handle immediately, climbing out the door and onto the sidewalk. “I have no choice at this point.”

I felt the fire burning from within me as I walked towards the bouncer at the door with Lainey in tow. I was determined, and full of wrath. This woman had hit my last nerve, and I would no longer sit back and accept her punches.

I wore a loose-fitting, but flattering, dress, and an extra amount of makeup, trying to retain my feminine sex-appeal to allow me into the club without revealing my pregnancy. With Lainey at my side, I knew we’d have no trouble as two young women being granted access into the building.

The bouncer took one look at us and then stepped aside immediately, letting us pass. I took a deep breath and entered the dimly lit room. A nightclub wasn’t exactly the location I would pick to confront Jane, but since I didn’t know where she lived, this was my only option.

We made our way towards the bar, and Lainey ordered herself a drink. I scanned the room with a stoic expression, searching for a head of long brown hair. Now that I was inside, and finally in the moment, my nerves disappeared. Aidan was on a plane to England, completely oblivious, and I was on my own, but something inside me, maybe fueled by my impending motherhood, was driving me to protect what was mine.

After a few moments, I saw her, at the opposite end of the room, chatting with a tall man with sandy-blonde curls. My face remained unamused as I watched her flirt as if she wasn’t pining over the love of _my_ life at the same time.

“I see her.” Lainey said from beside me.

“Yep.” I replied flatly.

I watched as Jane sipped her drink and leaned into the man, touching his arm playfully.

“Do you want a soda or anything?” Lainey asked.

“Nope.” I replied, not taking my eyes off of my target.

After a few moments, I watched Jane set her drink down and make her way towards the bathrooms, which I’d already scouted out.

“She’s on the move.” I told Lainey as I stepped away from the bar.

Lainey was by my side immediately, following me towards the bathrooms. “I’ll try to keep people out for as long as I can, but I can’t promise anything Colette.”

“I know.” I replied, arriving at my destination and staring at the door in front of me. “I know you’ll do your best.”

“Good luck.” She said quietly.

“Thanks.” I replied, taking one last breath, pushing the door open in front of me, and stepping inside.

There was one woman washing her hands at the sink, and just one of the toilet stalls was occupied by Jane. I leaned against the wall next to the sinks and crossed my arms in front of me.

The woman looked at me with confusion. “There’s no wait.” She nodded towards the open stalls.

“I know.” I replied simply.

She shrugged her shoulders and then dried her hands on a towel, before passing me and exiting the bathroom.

I felt my heart begin to beat faster as I waited for Jane. But I’d also never felt more confident. I had no more patience for my nerves.

A few seconds later, the stall door swung open and Jane stepped out. Her eyes met mine immediately, and she stopped in her tracks, like a deer in headlights.

“Hello Jane.” I said simply, arms still crossed.

She hesitated and continued to stare at me. I’d finally caught _her_ off-guard for once, and that was a success in itself.

She blinked and stepped over to a sink. “Colette, I wasn’t expecting to see you here tonight. Where’s Aidan?”

I ignored her question. “Stop it, Jane.”

With her hands under the stream of water, she paused and looked at me.

I took a step towards her. “I want you to quit it, right now. ENOUGH.”

She swallowed and turned off the water silently, and then she dried her hands on a towel, more slowly than necessary, before turning back to me. “I haven’t the faintest idea what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, don’t give me that.” I snarled. “I know exactly what you’re playing at. You think that if _you_ can’t have him, then no one can. You’ve been trying to split us up ever since we came home.”

She placed her hand on her hip and faced me directly. “Just like you split _us_ up?”

My face remained stoic. “No, in fact, nothing like that at all. I NEVER wanted to split you and Aidan up. I spent MONTHS on that island, MONTHS struggling with my conscience and with my guilt. Aidan did too. If we would have known we’d be coming home, we wouldn’t have done any of it. But we were worried we were going to be there forever. We were all each other had.”

She glared at me, and for the first time, I saw an ounce of emotion behind her eyes. It was anger, but it was an emotion at least. “So your only two options were to stay six feet apart or go all in and have sex then, were they?”

“We literally thought we were going to _die_ , Jane.” I replied loudly. “You have NO idea what we went through. And you don’t seem to care one bit.”

She crossed her arms too, mimicking my stance. “You know what, you’re right. I really don’t care. Because I don’t believe a word of it. You knew you’d be found one day, and I don’t doubt that you jumped on him at your first chance once you’d broken him down and convinced him to leave me.”

I stared at her with a gaping mouth. “Are you delusional? Jane…we didn’t even kiss until we’d been there for over a month.” I couldn’t believe I was telling her these things, but somehow, they seemed necessary. “I did not _jump on him_. This was not some sort of fantasy I was trying to fulfill just because I was a fan before I met him.”

“Don’t lie to me, Colette. You were glad to find out that you were stranded alone with him. What a fantasy….my God.” She rolled her eyes.

I set my jaw. “You have NO idea what you’re talking about. This was not some frilly island getaway. I almost _starved_ to death. He almost _bled_ to death. We were miserable, Jane. We were hopeless and broken and alone.” I took another step towards her. “You CANNOT understand what that’s like until you live it.”

Jane was staring at me quietly.

I uncrossed my arms and let them fall to my sides. “I know you don’t want to hear this. But, what we had on that island, it was real. It wasn’t just some fling that we entertained. We fell in love, without the knowledge of if we’d ever make it out alive.”

She grimaced. “Oh, shut up.”

But I continued. “No, YOU listen. You don’t just ignore something like that. You live it. If the tables were turned, and we switched places, I can guarantee that you would have done the same. And I would have been heartbroken, for sure, but I would NOT have made it my primary goal to ruin Aidan’s life over it.”

“Ruin?” She asked skeptically.

“Yes, RUIN. He’s a disaster right now, and I’m not telling you that so that you’ll feel some sort of pride and success. I’m telling you that because I know you still care about him, and I’d like to bet that in your heart, you don’t actually want to hurt him.” I took a deep breath, letting the words flow freely from my mind, and straight through my mouth without a filter. “He never stopped caring about you. He just moved on. We all do that. The only difference was that this time, he had no way to tell you. And now, you’re just punishing him for something he had no control over. I swear to you, if he’d been able to, he would have appropriately ended things with you long before he pursued me. He’s a good man. And I think you know that, deep down.”

I felt a lump form in my throat as I watched her continue to stare at me. She was letting me speak, at least, and I was grateful for that. “Jane…this is not just about me and him anymore, there’s a child involved. It is not something we planned, but it is something that happened, and you’ve still chosen to use that as a weapon against us. Just stop, and think about that for a moment.”

I gave her a few seconds, just to see if she’d speak, but I could see the wheels turning in her head as she watched me. I could see a person behind those eyes; someone who was hurt and didn’t know how to deal with the pain.

“I really hate you…” She said quietly.

I took another breath, glad that she was being real with me for once. “I know. And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry."

She was breathing slowly, and here eyes watched me with distaste. But there was also a sense of defeat in them, like she was devoid of any fuel left to fight back.

I blinked slowly. "Look, I know you understand what I’m saying, because I can really see you. I see that you are not a bad person. I know that, because Aidan saw the good in you. And you saw something in Aidan. If you and I both see him that way, then we can’t be all that different. I can’t imagine the pain you felt, to see him return alive, only to find out that he no longer chose to be with you. That is a pain that no one wants to bear. And I would have forgiven you easily for your anger, had it not been with malice, but you chose to use it as a defense for your emotions, and it’s not provided anything positive…for _any_ of us. You're hurting him, in ways you don't even know.” I paused and looked at her closely. “Please…please…just _let him go_. If not for your sake or mine, at least do it for his…if you really care about him.”

Jane breathed slowly as she stared at me, and then her eyes dropped slowly to the floor. “I loved him.”

I swallowed the knot in my throat. “Then in true love, you should respect him and let him choose how he wants to lead his life.”

She bit her lip and closed her eyes. I watched as she adjusted her purse on her shoulder, and when her eyes opened again, they stared into mine, bright green with jealousy, but finally softened, for the first time since I’d known her

“Take care of him.” She said, in almost a whisper, like she barely knew how to say something kind. And after one last second holding my gaze, I nodded solemnly, and she silently walked past me and exited the door behind me.

I stared at the spot where she’d just stood, not sure if I could believe what I’d just witnessed. Had I actually gotten through to her? Surprisingly, it seemed like I had. The damage she’d caused was already done, but was she finished adding to it? Only time would tell, but something in her eyes told me that tonight, I’d seen the true Jane, the one who cared for Aidan, and maybe, just maybe that part of her was now in control.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it was a long wait for this one, so thank you all for your patience! 
> 
> Can we all give a good fist pump for Colette? She was SO DONE.
> 
> [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/ESKcreativeworks)  
> [YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/c/eskcreative)  
> [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/eskcreative/)


	54. London

My heart thumped in my ears as I stood in the silence of the bathroom.

A wave of relief washed over me, like trickles of calm through my tense nerves. I’d done it. Whatever had just happened, I’d done it.

That last moment of my interaction with Jane, when she’d asked me to take care of him, had sent a little shiver down my spine. She’d said it without any trace of mischievousness in her voice, for once. It came out real and true, and I didn’t quite know how to comprehend her change in mood.

When I’d entered that bathroom, I’d expected to make my statement and give her a piece of my mind, but I hadn’t expected to actually break through to her. However, something changed within her as I’d spoken. It was as if a switch had flipped in her head after I pointed out that she was using our child as a weapon against us. I knew that if Jane had any ounce of morality inside of her, then she’d realize how utterly vile that was.

And miraculously, she did.

She had a heart, and she had feelings. I knew that, because I could see how much pain she was in, realizing that she’d lost Aidan from her life. Her heart wasn’t as cold as it had seemed; it was just badly damaged, and she didn’t know how to cope with the pain.

I was still furious with her, and probably would be for a very long time, but at least I’d seen her for who she was tonight, and I could leave the drama behind me, understanding what had fueled it.

But the problems that Jane had created between Aidan and I were still very much prevalent, and I now had to navigate those as well. Speaking with her tonight was just the first step in a long process of healing, for both Aidan and for me.

I took a deep, cleansing breath, before turning and exiting the bathroom.

When I opened the door, Lainey stood with her arms crossed, facing a group of three very impatient-looking women.

They all glared at me as I stepped into the hallway, clearly frustrated with the fact that they were being prevented from using the bathroom.

When Lainey saw me, she uncrossed her arms and stepped to the side, nodding to the women. “Ok, you can go in now.”

They rolled their eyes and stepped past the both of us, mumbling annoyances as they entered the bathroom.

Lainey leaned in towards me. “How did it go? Jane came flying out so fast I couldn’t even barely see her face.”

“Better than I expected. Come on, let’s go.” I gestured for her to follow me towards the exit. I’d done what I’d come to do, and I was eager to leave as quickly as possible.

A few moments later, we were in the backseat of an Uber again, and I was staring out the window blankly, barely believing what had just happened.

“So, she gave in?” Lainey asked, dumbfounded.

“I don’t know…” I replied quietly, and then I turned to her. “I don’t know if ‘gave in’ is the right term. I think she just…understood.”

“Do you believe her?”

I thought about it for a moment before responding. “I think she was real with me tonight. I don’t know why, but I think I saw something different in her eyes, like she realized something she hadn’t before.”

“What do you think she realized?” Lainey asked.

I stared out the window again. “I think she knows that she actually doesn’t want to hurt Aidan. That he means more to her than she’d thought.” I frowned. “I actually feel bad for her. I can’t imagine being in her shoes.”

Lainey scoffed. “You would have done a whole heck of a lot better at dealing with the pain.”

“I would have.” I agreed. “And she’s still very much at fault…for all of it. But at least I saw her for who she really was tonight.” I paused and took a breath. “It was good for me.”

“Closure?” Lainey asked.

“I hope.” I sighed. And I felt a surge of confidence overcome me. It was more than hope; it was a sense of assurance. I was less worried about Jane now than I’d ever been. It was a satisfying state to be in.

My phone vibrated in my purse and I pulled it out, seeing Aidan’s name across the screen with a text below.

_I’ve landed safe. Hope you’ve had a good day <3 -A_

“Is it Aidan?” Lainey asked. “Colette, you’ve got to tell him about this.”

I nodded and took a deep breath. “I know. And I will.” But I knew in my heart that I wouldn’t be able to bring myself to tell him right away. I wanted to wait and watch Jane for a bit, to see what she’d do. And I definitely didn’t want to tell him over the phone or skype. “When I see him in London…I’ll bring up Jane…and test the waters.”

“Test for what?” She asked.

“To see if he can handle a conversation about her. Because if it’s just going to raise his temper, then I’m going to keep it to myself.” I frowned, remembering how fast he’d flown off the handle earlier today.

I looked over at Lainey to see that she’d raised an eyebrow in my direction.

I sighed. “I’ll keep it to myself for a while at least. I _will_ tell him eventually.” I swallowed nervously, knowing that I would, but still anxious, nonetheless.

***

I looked out the window of the plane as it descended into London Heathrow airport. The crisscross of runways was surrounded by miles of rows of houses and buildings, all framed by the clear blue sky.

It was June 19th, Aidan’s 34th birthday, and he was meeting me in London for the evening. We’d stay the night, and then take the train into Bristol tomorrow morning so that he could continue filming.

I was exhausted from the flight, which lasted through the night. I’d barely closed my eyes at all. My mind wouldn’t shut down long enough for sleep to find me. I was so eager to see him again, but the last two weeks apart from Aidan had been different than the other times when we were separated.

Theses had been filled with a lot of damage control related to the reveal of my pregnancy. Both Aidan and I were fielding calls and messages from countless people we knew, and the internet had blown up with all kinds of comments, both positive and negative, about our news. Jane had been silent ever since I’d confronted her, but Aidan was becoming increasingly stressed, and even I was a bit more exhausted. Everyone wanted an interview, or a photo, or a glimpse into our future plans. We’d declined each and every offer, choosing not to buy into the media’s interest, and content with the statement that Aidan had released.

But the worst part about the last two weeks hadn’t been the drama revolving around the public’s response to my pregnancy. No. Aidan had been so distant that I wasn’t even sure what our reunion would look like today.

We still spoke on the phone or skype every day, but I could hear in his voice and see in his eyes, that his mind was elsewhere, like he just didn’t have the energy or the desire that he usually carried with him about life.

I tried to bring his spirits up, but the only thing that seemed to really make him smile – the true kind of smile – was talk of our daughter. I was happy for that at least, and I loved to talk about her too, but he just wasn’t himself. It was almost as if he were punishing himself for something, like he wouldn’t _allow_ himself to be as present as he used to.

The plane landed smoothly on the runway, and I started to pack up my bag and prepare to disembark. I’d never been to London before, but Aidan had instructed me on how to get from baggage claim, to the Underground tube station, where he would meet me.

The last time we’d been together in person, we’d argued. And even though things had been relatively unheated since then, I still wasn’t sure what would happen now that we were together again.

As the plane pulled up to the gate, I felt the nerves fill my stomach. When we’d stood in our bedroom two weeks ago, and I’d asked him if he would have rathered he’d never come into my life, he hadn’t given me a response. And that moment had plagued my mind since then. Was he really that broken from all of Jane’s actions? Had I waited too long to confront her? Was I too late?

A few moments passed, and after navigating the large airport to the best of my abilities, I finally saw the classic red and blue sign for the Underground, and I scanned the many dozens of people walking quickly past me. Everyone had somewhere to be, something to do, someone to see. I stood in place for a moment, staring into the crowds, feeling out of place and alone.

But, there he was.

Leaning against a pillar and looking down at his phone, trying to keep his face concealed as much as possible, was Aidan.

I didn’t move at first. Instead, I watched him for a moment, taking the opportunity as an outsider looking in, because he didn’t know I was there. I desperately wanted to know what was plaguing his mind. Was he really that frustrated with me for not being bothered about all of the negativity about me online? I couldn’t believe that was it. Maybe I’d get him to be honest with me eventually, but today was his birthday, and I’d planned something nice for him – much nicer than trying to shake the truth out of him.

After a moment, Aidan looked up from his phone, scanned the crowd himself, and then his eyes met mine. A small, eager smile played on his face, and he stepped away from the column and made his way towards me.

I felt a few butterflies erupt in my stomach at the sight of him. Even the way he walked, so smooth and confident, sent tingles to my core. I was beginning to think that feeling may never go away. It always returned, no matter the circumstances.

As he arrived in front of me, he grabbed my hands and pulled them around his waist and then wrapped his own arms around mine.

“I missed you…” He whispered as he leaned in to kiss me.

His lips were soft and gentle – different than they’d been when we’d reunited in Cornwall – just as sweet, but less urgent. I briefly considered the change, but then I tucked the thought away into the corner of my mind and told myself I’d investigate the matter later.

“Happy Birthday.” I replied, smiling as he pulled away and looked down at me.

“Thank you, love. Are you feeling alright after the flight?” He placed his hand gently on my growing stomach.

“Oh, yeah I’m fine.” I waved him off.

He took my hand in his and my suitcase in his other. “Come on, let’s go. I’ve already bought your ticket.”

His fingers interlocked with mine, warm and gentle, and I felt at home again, regardless of the tension that I knew still lingered between us. We walked onto the platform just as a train was arriving, and after the passengers emptied, we climbed aboard and found two empty seats.

Aidan placed his hand on my knee and smiled at me. I returned his gaze and grinned, glad to see that he was in good spirits.

“How was your morning?” I asked.

“We were up at the crack of dawn to get all of the shots in today so that I could leave and come here to see you.” He yawned, as if remembering suddenly how tired he was.

I frowned. “Oh, I’m sorry…”

“No, no, no…” He rushed to respond. “No, I _wanted_ to come see you. It wasn’t difficult at all to get up this morning, knowing you’d be right here in front of me in a few hours.”

“Did cast and crew do anything to celebrate your birthday?” I asked, trying to shake off the sudden feeling that I was a burden.

“There was a cake…and sweets.” Aidan smiled.

“Oh, that’s good. I’m glad they all remembered.”

“They’re a good bunch.” He nodded, leaning back in his chair as the train sped through the underground tunnels.

We were silent for a moment, both watching the other passengers around us, buried in their phones, unaware of the world around them. I was acutely aware of Aidan, for multiple reasons. I desperately wanted him to speak some truth to me, to let me know why he’d been so ‘off’ for the past few weeks. He owed me honesty, but I frowned, realizing that I owed him the same. I couldn’t continue to keep the topic of Jane from him.

I placed my hand atop his, and he looked over at me and smiled. I returned the expression, just so glad to have him next to me again, finally, in this moment.

“Should we head out to eat right away? Are you hungry?” He asked.

I swallowed, trying to hold in a grin that almost spread across my face. We wouldn’t be going out to eat tonight, but he didn’t know that yet. “Let’s just get our things up to the room first, and then we can talk about it.”

He smiled and nodded, completely oblivious to anything I might have planned.

“Are you prepared to spend a month in Bristol? It’s not as glamourous as Cornwall.” He chuckled.

I looked at him for a moment, watching his amber eyes as they stared back into mine. “I’m just glad to be with you again.”

He blinked slowly and smiled. He shifted his hand to grip mine tightly in response.

When we finally arrived at the station in London, it was a short walk to our hotel, and we checked in at the front desk.

The manager at the desk smiled at Aidan as he told her his name. “Ah, Mr. Turner, welcome. How was your trip in?”

“It was fine, thank you.” He replied.

The manager shifted her gaze to me briefly and smiled with a twinkle in her eye. I grinned in return.

“Your room is almost ready. Could I offer you some refreshments while you wait?” She suggested.

Aidan looked up at her and furrowed his brow. “How long will it be?”

“Just a few minutes, Mr. Turner.”

Aidan took a deep breath and grabbed the key card from the counter before turning to me and gesturing towards the lobby sitting area.

“I don’t know why it isn’t ready. I told them when we’d be arriving.” He muttered as we sat down.

I swallowed nervously, trying not to smile. “Oh, I don’t mind.”

Aidan leaned back against the sofa and ran his hand through his hair. “I’m knackered.”

I scooted closer to him, pressing the side of my arm into his. “Well, I don’t know about you, but I sleep better when you’re next to me. Maybe you’ll sleep better tonight too?”

He looked at me and the corners of his mouth turned up pleasantly. “I think I probably will.” And then he looked around the room. “You know, we could leave our bags with the desk and go to dinner now, while the room is being prepared.”

I froze, trying to come up with a quick excuse, and then I looked down at the casual travel attire I wore. “I would need to change. I look a mess. I’m sure it’ll only be a few minutes longer.”

Aidan looked at my outfit and then back up at me. He smiled softly. “Well, for the record, you look perfectly gorgeous. But, ok.”

I blushed and leaned into him, letting my head rest on his shoulder.

After about fifteen minutes, the manager called us forward and informed us that we could head up to our room.

When we got there, Aidan sighed. “Finally…” He slipped his key card through the door lock, and it flashed green as he pushed it open. I walked in behind him, peering around his shoulder and hoping my plan had come to fruition.

I broke into a grin as I saw that it had. In the center of the room stood a small table and two chairs. Soft piano music played from a small radio in the corner. At the center of the table was a cluster of candles of different heights, and two places were set with covered plates and wine glasses. A wine bucket sat to the side, and held a bottle of Aidan’s favorite, as well as a bottle of fancy sparkling grape juice, which I had ordered for myself while laughing, knowing Aidan would have wanted me to have something nice to drink too.

“What’s all this?” Aidan asked, staring in awe and then turning back to me.

I beamed at him. “Happy Birthday.”

He set my suitcase down and smiled back at me. “You had all this set up?”

“I did.” I grinned. “I know, you probably would have liked to take me somewhere nice in town tonight, since it’s my first time here…but there will be other times. And today is your day. I think you’d much rather stay in and avoid the chaos right now.”

His face softened and he stepped towards me and pulled me close to him. “You’re so sweet, I don’t deserve you. I can hardly take it.”

I reached up and brushed a curl from his forehead. His hair was now just as long as it had been when I’d met him on the island so many months ago. “Well, you’re gonna have to, because I’m here to stay.”

He chuckled and kissed me gently, before turning back to the table. “So, do we eat right now?”

“Preferably before it gets cold.” I confirmed, smiling widely.

As we both sat down, uncovering our plates to reveal our dinners, I pulled an envelope from my bag and placed it on the table in front of him.

“I was going to wait until after dinner to give you your present, but I’m too eager.” I laughed, watching him with excitement.

“A gift too?” He asked, shaking his head while picking up the envelope and beginning to open it.

I smiled and gently touched the necklace that I wore. It was the turquoise one he’d given me just a few weeks ago for my birthday. I only hoped that he’d appreciate my gift as much as I appreciated his.

He reached into the envelope and pulled out the two concert tickets I’d purchased over a month ago. He blinked and looked at them closely, before looking up at me with a gorgeous grin. “Nick Cave? And these are front row?”

“Of course they are.” I smiled.

“This is fantastic!” He beamed. “Oh, I haven’t been to a concert in so long. Thank you…so much.”

“And the date is next March, in Dublin. So, we can leave the baby with your parents. It’ll work out perfectly. They’ve already agreed to take her.” I replied.

Aidan looked at the tickets again and smiled. “This is so thoughtful of you…thank you, Colette.”

I reached my hand out and took his gently. “You’re welcome.”

He lifted my hand to his lips and kissed it gently. “The question is, _who_ will we be dropping off at my parents?”

“ _Who?_ ” I furrowed my eyebrows with confusion as I took a bite of my meal.

Aidan grinned at me. “What will her name be?”

I smirked and looked down at my plate. “Well, I’ve been researching, trying to find something perfect, but nothing has jumped off the page at me yet. She deserves more than just a pretty name. She was brought into existence from such a unique story.”

“I agree, and I kind of experienced the same feelings when looking at names…except with one.” He said slowly.

“Oh?” I asked eagerly, setting my fork down and watching him closely.

“Now, you can totally veto it if you don’t like it…but it just spoke to me.” He put out the disclaimer.

“Tell me, tell me.” I smiled in anticipation.

Aidan took a deep breath, and I could tell immediately that he felt strongly about this suggestion. He wanted to make sure he presented it well. If he loved it so much, I could only imagine that I would too.

“I started with American and Irish names.” He began. “I was trying to find something that represented both…but I came up empty. And then I thought about the fact that she was conceived on a French Polynesian island…” He watched me closely. “So, I figured, why not do a little research into some of the traditional names from that culture. That place will always be part of who she is. I mostly expected to come back with a bunch of strange, exotic sounding ones, and I knew that wouldn’t be right either. But one of them stood out.”

I blinked eagerly as I watched him. I hadn’t even thought to look into islander names. His creativity was endearing.

“And remember, if you hate it, you can tell me.” He repeated.

I rolled my eyes and chuckled. “Just tell me, Aidan. I’ll be honest.”

His deep caramel eyes, lit by the flicker of the candles, stared back into mine. “What do you think of ‘Raina’? In Tahitian, it means ‘calm sky.’ And I think those evenings we shared, with calm skies and beautiful sunsets, were some of our favorites. Plus, it obviously hints to the word, rain, which was so nourishing to us, so many times when we were in desperate need. And in a way, she’s been nourishing in the same way, bringing us closer together.” He paused, watching me closely. “What do you think?”

I swallowed as I felt my eyes moisten slightly. “It’s perfect.” I whispered, barely audibly. I couldn’t believe how much I loved the name, within just a few seconds of hearing it leave his lips. I instantly felt as though it was already her name, and somehow Aidan had just finally discovered it for the both of us. “It’s so perfect.”

Aidan beamed at me. “You really like it? Because we can keep looking if you want…”

I stood up from the table and walked around to him. “No, her name is Raina. It’s so beautiful, Aidan. I would have never come up with it. It’s different enough, but still simple and pretty. She’ll always remember where she came from. I love it so much.”

He stood up from his chair and pulled me into his arms, watching me with admiration in his eyes. “I’m so glad you do.”

I stood up on my toes to kiss him gently, and then I smirked. “Raina Turner.”

There was a twinkle in his eye as he gazed back down at me, as if he was thinking about something that amused him. “A beautiful name. She is going to be so, so loved.”

I placed my hand on my stomach and rubbed it gently as I rested my head on his shoulder. “She already is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had really wanted to post this one on Aidan's actual birthday last Friday, but my writer's block has been intense lately. There's been a lot on my mind, and I'm also about to go out of town for over a week, so my brain has been focused there. I feel like I'm continually thanking you all for your patience, and I appreciate it. There are a lot of important parts of this story that I'm trying to weave together to bring it to a close, and it takes some extra focus that I've had difficulty finding lately. Bear with me! I'm working on it! Thanks everyone!
> 
> [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/ESKcreativeworks)  
> [YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/c/eskcreative)  
> [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/eskcreative/)


	55. Tense

“Sufficiently full?” I asked Aidan as he closed the door after thanking room service for removing our empty plates and utensils from our dinner.

He climbed up onto the bed next to me and flopped down on his back. “So full.” He reached his hand over and placed it on my stomach. “How’s Raina feeling?”

I smiled at him, glad we could call her by name now, and leaned back against the headboard, closing my eyes. “Raina’s doing just fine. She wishes she could be out here celebrating her father’s birthday though.”

Aidan rubbed my stomach gently. “This time next year, she will be.”

I smirked, thinking about the future. This time next year, she might be about ready to take her first steps. It seemed like such a far-off fantasy. I felt like her life was already flashing before my eyes, and she hadn’t even been born yet.

But I came back to reality. “I’m excited to see everyone tomorrow.”

Aidan took a deep breath. “Mmhmm.” He paused. “Theo’s been asking about you.”

I opened one eye and looked down at him quickly, but his face was perfectly calm. I cleared my throat. “What’s he been asking about?”

“Well, with the news of your pregnancy out, I think he just wants to make sure you’re ok. Seems the two of you became close in Cornwall.” He opened his eyes and looked up at me. “Wouldn’t you say?”

I blinked rapidly. “Yeah, he’s a nice guy. Someone to keep me company on set, at least.”

Aidan watched me for a moment and then closed his eyes again. “Well, he’ll be around again in Bristol. So, you have that to look forward to.”

I pressed my lips together and nodded, not sure why Aidan had brought his name up specifically. Theo was a good friend, for sure, but I was well aware that he was another male, just about my age. The fact that he’d been asking about me caused me to pause differently than if Aidan had mentioned someone like Eleanor.

Aidan spoke again. “Do you think you coped better these last two weeks than you had the first time we were apart?”

I furrowed my brow. “Um…it was different, I guess.” I wasn’t sure where his thoughts were headed.

Aidan propped himself up on his elbows and scooted himself up the bed so that he was leaning on the headboard next to me. He rested his head back and looked at me. “Different, how?”

My eyebrows were still pulled together. It was _Aidan_ who had been different, not me. He was speaking as if he thought there was something else going on, but I would have treated our separation exactly the same, had he not been so distant.

I shifted to face him slightly. “How have _you_ felt these last few weeks?” I asked, avoiding his question.

“I’ve been fine. Busy, but fine.” He replied, taking my hand in his. “What has felt different to you?”

I let out a breath I’d been holding. I had been trying so hard not to start this conversation tonight on his birthday, but he was practically asking me to. “You.”

He tilted his head in question.

“You’ve felt different, Aidan. You’re not yourself.” I said slowly.

He frowned and looked down at our hands.

“Can you tell me what’s on your mind?” I asked.

“It’s nothing. I’m just tired.” He replied.

“You’ve been tired for _two weeks_?” My voice became slightly accusatory, and I immediately regretted it.

Aidan looked up at me with an expression of slight annoyance. “There’s a lot going on right now.”

I peered at him curiously and then took a deep breath. “Is it Jane?” My voice was quiet.

His face immediately scrunched up in disgust and he shook his head. “What? No, my God, Colette, it’s not Jane.” His voice escalated so quickly that I had to lean back slightly.

“Please, can we NOT talk about Jane for like half a second?” He continued just as angrily, with a growing scowl on his face.

“Sorry…” I whispered, regretting everything immediately.

He let go of my hand and wiped his down his face. “Not everything is about Jane. I’m so sick and tired of the damage she’s done. Can we please just drop the subject for the time being, now that she’s actually staying silent for once?”

I blinked slowly and set my jaw. “Yeah, she’s been pretty silent lately, hasn’t she?” There was a dry sarcasm in my voice.

Aidan let out a frustrated sigh. “To everyone’s benefit, yes. But I’m sure it won’t last.” He shook his head again and pushed himself up from the bed and walked towards the bathroom. After he picked up his toothbrush, he turned and looked at me with pleading eyes. “I’m so done talking about her. Can we just…close the topic?”

I watched him for a moment, contemplating my next move. I really needed to tell him what I’d done, but he also seemed like he was on the edge of a blowup tonight, so I tightened my lips and nodded my head.

“Thank you.” Aidan sighed loudly. “I’m so tired of all of this. Can we just focus on you and I for once?”

My eyes met his with a sadness that I knew he didn’t recognize. “Yes, please…let’s do that.”

Aidan turned and disappeared into the bathroom.

I sat, alone on the bed, staring at the empty place where he’d stood, yet again. Where was the calm and collected man that had held me close and whispered sweet things in my ear, as we’d laid together in the sand? I’d been so worried about our future back then, and so fearful that we would never survive long enough to even have a future. He’d been so supportive, and was always willing to talk and to listen.

The struggles that we’d faced there had been so much more manageable than the ones we faced now. I barely knew who he was at this point. I didn’t feel close to him like I had in the past. We didn’t feel like a team anymore. He told me he wanted peace and calm, but he didn’t want to talk about how to get there.

Even in our heartfelt moments, like the one earlier tonight when we decided on our daughter’s name, something felt forced, and almost like a bandage for the tension that still existed. We felt like two separate souls, struggling to stay above water, with only the lifesaver of our daughter to keep us afloat.

I wanted to feel his arms around me again. I wanted to hear him tell me how glad he was to have me in his life, and that he wouldn’t change a thing, even if he could. But I was starting to wonder if maybe he wished that a lot of things would change. I wondered if I was one of those things to him.

I felt a lump in my throat as I picked up my phone, trying to distract myself from my thoughts. I couldn’t bear to consider the idea that he wanted me out of his life. But if he wasn’t going to be honest with me, then that dreaded thought would only keep creeping back in.

I pulled up my Twitter feed and began to scroll. After just a few swipes, I saw a new picture of myself, snapped by paparazzi earlier today at the Airport tube station. I hadn’t even remembered seeing any cameras there.

In the photo, I held Aidan’s hand as we walked towards the train. I looked exhausted. More exhausted than I should have from the long flight.

As I began to read the comments below, I tried to swallow the knot in my throat, but it wouldn’t loosen as I took in the words.

_Wow, she looks a mess._

_You’d think she would have spruced herself up a bit to see him._

_He’s not gonna stick around much longer if she’s using her pregnancy as an excuse to be lazy._

_Shame he didn’t get Jane pregnant._ They _would have actually made beautiful babies._

I closed my eyes tightly, trying to hold in the tears, but they flowed quickly without my consent, springing from between my eyelids and trailing down my cheeks. If only they could understand that the exhaustion that had been so immortalized in that photo, had been due to Aidan, and the struggles we were experiencing. Not from a lack of motivation or respect for myself and my ability to present myself well in public.

They thought they knew it all. Aidan was untouchable to them, a perfect specimen, and I was just the girl who took Jane away from him. The less pretty, less interesting, less alluring option that they wished he hadn’t chosen.

I hated that their words affected me – and they usually didn’t to this extent – but today, I was already in a low place, and my emotions weren’t strong enough to shield me.

Seconds later, the door to the bathroom opened and I quickly dropped my phone onto my lap and wiped the tears from my cheeks, not wanting Aidan to see me like this.

As he came around the corner, he stopped for a moment when his eyes met mine.

I wondered if mine were puffy and red, so I rubbed them as if I were just tired, to try and conceal the true cause.

His expression told me that he’d seen more than I’d wanted him to, and he frowned and placed his toothbrush back in his bag slowly.

“You should sleep. You must be exhausted.” He said quietly.

I swallowed and nodded. “We have to be up early.”

“Yeah…” His voice trailed off.

He came to sit next to me on the bed, and he took my phone from my lap and set it on my nightstand out of reach, and then looked into my eyes for a moment. I blinked rapidly, hoping the redness was gone from them. I almost thought that he might want to talk finally, but he simply leaned in to kiss me and then stood up to walk to his side of the bed.

“Goodnight. Thank you for everything today.” He said softly, and then he crawled under the covers.

My lower lip trembled, as I couldn’t wipe from my mind the words I’d just read. Maybe he _would_ have done better to have a child with Jane instead.

“Goodnight.” I whispered back, wondering if he really had anything to thank me for.

***

Raindrops streaked across the window of the train as we entered the city of Bristol. I stared out at the buildings and homes, flying past quickly. It was a dreary day, and I felt it deeply, not only in the weather, but also in my mind.

Aidan and I had gone to bed last night without much more discussion, and things had still been tense. It wasn’t exactly the way I would have liked to spend his birthday, and doubtfully the way he wanted to spend it either, but he was the one who had reacted so strongly to my mention of Jane. I’d just wanted to have a mature conversation, but he clearly wasn’t in a state of mind to participate.

If I was being completely honest with myself, I was pretty frustrated with him. I’d tried again and again to let it go, but at this point, I was fairly disappointed in his behavior. He’d woken up this morning as if nothing negative had happened last night. It was as if he either saw nothing wrong in his actions, or simply didn’t care.

He could easily slip from pleasant conversation about our Raina and our future, to standoffish comments and agitated behavior. It was more than just moodiness. There was something else going on. But if he wouldn’t let me ask him about it, then what could I do?

I felt helpless.

The train pulled up to the station and we exited the car with our bags, made our way through the crowds of people, and then climbed into one of the blue taxis that waited outside the doors.

It was only 7am, which meant it was 11pm the previous night in LA time, and so my internal clock was all out of sync. I yawned as the driver pulled out of the lot and onto the street.

“We could drop you off right at the flat, if you’d like, and you can catch up on sleep.” Aidan suggested.

I looked over at him and shook my head. “No, no. I’ll stay on set until we can go together tonight.”

“You sure?” He asked sympathetically.

“Yes. I’m sure.” I snapped back at him, feeling my blood start to boil, and then I frowned. Even I was on edge now.

Aidan sighed next to me and then looked out his own window.

I watched him for a moment, almost wanting to ignore him for the rest of the ride, just to spite him. But I knew that would only add fuel to the fire, so I changed the subject. “Which scenes are you filming today?”

“Nampara, with Eleanor and Beatie.” He said flatly, still staring out the window. And then he sighed. “I’m behind on memorizing my lines. Much of my free time today will probably be taken doing that.”

I nodded. “I can run lines with you if you’d like”

He looked over at me and a pleasantness actually graced his face for the first time this morning. “Thanks, I really appreciate it.” He reached into his bag and pulled out his script, flipped it open, and then passed it to me.

I smiled back at him, so glad that I’d found a topic that pleased him. It may have been trivial and completely not relevant to solving the issues that plagued our relationship, but it was something, and I’d take what I could get.

A half hour later, we arrived on set, and Aidan was immediately pulled away to makeup and wardrobe. I stepped into the Nampara kitchen and living room and was overcome with a sense of familiarity. I felt like I’d already spent so much time in this room, with the fireplace and the large benches that sat in front of it. The wooden table was set with a vase of fresh wildflowers and a loaf of bread, and the lighting, already set up, was warm and inviting.

I smiled, taking it all in for myself, and walking around the room, touching the small familiar details. After a while, I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I spun around to see a head full of wild red curls.

“Colette!” Eleanor exclaimed, enveloping me in a hug. “Oh my, congratulations!”

She looked down at my stomach and I smiled warmly back at her. “Thank you.”

She wore an absolutely beautiful dress, as she was already ready to shoot the next scene, and I was instantly envious of her tiny waist, cinched in by a traditional corset. Even though I wasn’t too hugely pregnant yet, I basically felt like a whale.

“I can’t believe you’ve kept it from us!” She grinned with a touch of humor.

I laughed. “I don’t even think we knew how to deal with the information for a while.”

“Oh, I know. I’m just kidding. And I am sorry the news was released the way that it was.” Her voice became sympathetic.

I waved her off, pretending not to be affected. “Oh, it was bound to get out eventually.”

“How have you been feeling?” Eleanor asked. “How many months are you now?”

“Almost 7.”

“You’re such a little thing. I never would have guessed.” She smiled.

“I know, I’ve been able to hide it for quite a while.” I laughed, pulling my shirt across my growing bump. “But she’s really starting to make herself known.”

“Have you given her a name yet?” Eleanor asked, sitting down at the table.

I smirked and sat down across from her. “Actually, we have.”

“Are you sharing?” Her eyes twinkled at me.

“Nope.” I winked.

“Ah, fair enough.” She laughed. “I’ll be patient.”

I bit my lip and studied the flowers at the center of the table, thinking about the weeks that Aidan had been here without me, but with Eleanor. Maybe she had some insight that I didn’t have.

“How’s Aidan been?” I asked quietly.

Eleanor straightened the fabric of her sleeves absentmindedly. “Focused. Very focused.”

I peered up at her. “More so than usual?”

Her crystal blue-green eyes met mine. “Aidan is either a complete goofball, or 100 percent focused. And usually, he flips between the two quite often. But lately, it’s been all focus, all the time.”

I frowned. “And you’re saying that’s abnormal?”

She shrugged. “I wouldn’t necessarily say abnormal, but definitely weighted more to one side than usual.” She studied me closely. “Why do you ask?”

I focused on a small scuff on the surface of the table and felt the grooves with my finger. “I just know you see him every day, and…it’s been a little hard to read him lately.”

I could tell she sensed my uneasiness, because she reached out and gently placed her hand on my arm. “The two of you have a lot going on right now. Stress, new obstacles, changing plans; those are all going to contribute.” She smiled when I looked up at her. “He still talks about you daily. I can see how much he admires you.”

My mouth pulled into a slight smile. It was comforting to know that he still spoke about me frequently. At least I was still on his mind.

She continued. “He’s very passionate about his craft. That’s something I’ve grown to understand about him over the last few years. He loves what he does, and he’s brilliant at it. If you’re worried that he feels distant, I would tell you not to worry too much about it.”

I nodded, appreciative of her kind words, but also mindful that she didn’t know the whole story. What might look like an overabundance of focus to her, might actually be a coping mechanism in response to stress, or a lack of interest in me.

But nevertheless, I was glad for her comforting opinions, and I trusted that she knew him well enough, and that she was being honest with me.

I was pulled from my thoughts when suddenly, a lower voice from the other side of the room spoke. “Colette!”

I looked up to see Theo standing in the doorway, eyes bright and excited to see me.

“Hey Theo.” I smiled as he walked towards me. “How have you been?”

He leaned in for a hug and I tentatively reciprocated.

“So, I think congratulations are in order.” He grinned, sitting down across from me, next to Eleanor.

“Thank you.” I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.

“What a crazy turn of events, huh? A shock to both of you?” He asked.

At the same time, Eleanor was called to have her makeup touched up and Theo and I were left alone.

I clasped my hands in front of me. “Total surprise. But we’re excited.”

“How have you been?” He asked, tilting his head. “I was thinking about how hard it must be for you to be away from Aidan so often, handling the pregnancy on your own.”

I blinked and smiled, appreciative that he cared enough to ask. “I have my parents, and my good friend. So, I’m not alone. But it is good to be here, with him for a while.”

“But you’ll be apart for the last two months, won’t you?”

I frowned. “Except for the few times he’ll visit, yes, unfortunately.”

“Well, you’ve certainly proven your strengths in so many other ways already. I’m sure you’ll be just fine.”

I smiled tightly and took a deep breath, realizing that I really wanted to change the subject. “How have _you_ been?”

“Still carrying lunches and driving people around.” He chuckled.

“They haven’t promoted you to director yet?” I winked.

He threw his head back and laughed. “Ha! I must be getting close, right?”

A bright grin spread across my face as I watched him laugh, and in the exact same moment, I looked over his should to see Aidan standing in the doorway, watching us. A hairstylist was standing next to him, fussing with his hair, and the expression on his face was muted as he made eye contact with me.

My own smile faded from my face slightly, but then it returned, and I focused it on Aidan. He was dressed in just Ross’s loose white shirt, tucked into his tan trousers and open at the top, revealing tufts of chest hair.

As the woman next to him stopped fixing his hair, he walked in our direction, and nodded towards Theo.

“Hey Aidan.” Theo smiled.

I thought he might have sat down with us to chat, but he passed right by me, picked up his script, and began to study it near the fireplace.

I took a deep breath and turned back to Theo. “So, what are your plans after Poldark wraps?”

“Oh, I already have another job lined up. I’m booked all the way through next year.” He smiled.

“In Bristol again?”

“London, actually. It’ll be nice because I’ll get to go home every night.” He smiled. “I bet you’re eager to spend a longer period of time in LA once you have the baby.”

I nodded. “I’m not so used to traveling so often. And after everything that happened on the island, I haven’t really felt like I’ve been able to relax yet.” I paused and then laughed. “But I guess I can say goodbye to relaxation for the next eighteen years.”

I couldn’t help but notice that Aidan was staring at the wood of the mantle above the fireplace, and nowhere near the script in his hands. He was listening.

Theo smirked. “I guess you’re probably right.” His eyes met mine with sympathy. “I think you’ll be an excellent mother though.”

I shrugged and waved him off, but he continued. “No, really. You have that kind, nurturing spirit. You’ll be a natural.”

I looked down briefly at my hands clasped in front of me, and then back up at Theo. He was smiling at me – a harmless smile – but something about it made me feel uncomfortable. And because I could tell Aidan was listing nearby, I wondered if it made him uncomfortable too.

No part of me desired to have a wandering eye – Aidan was my life, and more than I could have ever wanted or dreamed – but ever since he had brought up Theo’s name the other night, and mentioned that he’d been asking about me, I was a little anxious about his intentions. The last thing I needed was another bit of drama added to our lives from a new angle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Managed to squeeze in another chapter before my vacation! 😁
> 
> Sorry to leave you on such a depressing chapter, but I'll be back at it in a week or two once I return home and have time to write again!
> 
> Also, 200k words! WHAT? How did I get here???? 😳
> 
> [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/ESKcreativeworks)  
> [YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/c/eskcreative)  
> [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/eskcreative/)


	56. Alternative

I sat in a folding chair just off set while Aidan finished filming on the third day of my stay in Bristol. It was getting late, and a group of us were all heading to dinner soon, once we’d wrapped for the day. I was scrolling through my phone, reading an article about pregnancy and new motherhood. I spent lots of time reading up on those subjects lately, trying to take my mind off everything else that brought stress into my life. If I could prepare myself for motherhood, to the best of my abilities, then at least I felt in control of one part of my life.

Theo sat next to me, checking a list of props for tomorrow’s shooting schedule. He tended to stay near me anytime he had the opportunity. It seemed as though his behavior was born out of boredom, and I didn’t blame him. We _did_ get along well, and there were long stretches of time when neither of us had anything to do. There were definitely periods when he was away for a while, working on some task he’d been assigned, but he’d always return back to me and start up a new conversation.

Aidan hadn’t had much to say over the last few days. He’d been so busy practicing his lines, and he was always up early in the morning to get to set, usually before I’d even woken up. We still ate dinner together, but as was the new normal, we talked solely about Raina. I’d share bits of parenting information I’d learned, and he would respond appropriately with his thoughts on each subject. It was pleasant conversation, and we weren’t expressing any anger towards each other, but our interactions lacked the passion and intimacy we once had.

As I wracked my mind to try and understand him, I began to wonder if maybe my growing pregnancy belly was putting him off, but quickly realized that I highly doubted that was the cause. His sexual appetite, which usually never let up, had never been hindered by anything else. And besides, it wasn’t just the animalistic, passionate side of him that was missing, it was the entire affectionate part of him that I barely saw anymore. I longed to feel his hands on me again, to cuddle up on the sofa. I longed to feel him move with me, and to look deep into his eyes as we connected in a way that only we knew.

It came down to two possibilities. Either he was suppressing his emotions for some reason that I didn’t fully understand, or he literally didn’t feel them for me anymore. I hoped and prayed that it was the first option, even though I knew that it would still come with its own set of struggles. But with option number one, at least his feelings were still there.

I sat still, staring at my phone, not really reading anything on the screen, but thinking only about Aidan and what our future held, when I felt a strange fluttering sensation in my lower stomach. It wasn’t pain, but rather similar to a growling or bubbling. I stopped breathing and placed my hand on my belly, surprised by the new feeling. I stared down at my hand with wide eyes as I experienced the brand-new experience.

“Are you ok?” Theo asked from beside me.

“She’s moving…” I whispered breathlessly, trying not to move and scare her from her newfound energy. At more than six months, I had started to become increasingly worried that something was wrong, because most pregnancy books told me that I’d feel her first move around five months. But here she was now, showing me that she was just fine.

“This is the first time you’ve felt her?” Theo shifted to face me.

I nodded and grinned. “It feels so strange…wow…” And then, because I was so excited and clearly not perceiving the consequences, I grabbed Theo’s hand and placed it on my belly. “Can you feel her?”

His eyes widened for a moment and his hand was rigid, before he relaxed it against my shirt and breathed silently for a moment.

“Oh, wow, I do.” A bright smile crossed his face as he looked up at me.

“Oh my God, I’ve been so worried.” I paused in awe. “She’s really moving finally.”

Theo continued to smile at me while his hand was on my belly.

He was silent, but another, lower voice pierced the air. “Colette…” Aidan was suddenly walking towards me from the set. His face held concern. “Are you ok?”

A jolt of surprise erupted in my chest as Theo quickly removed his hand from my stomach at the sight of Aidan.

“She’s moving…” I grinned at Aidan. “Come, feel.”

He completely ignored Theo as his face softened and he knelt down in front of me, placing his hands gently on my belly. “Really? Finally, she is?” He whispered.

“Yeah, she’s really active all of a sudden.” I breathed slowly, feeling his warm hands against my shirt, and we were both silent for a few seconds.

But the flutters and bubbles were gone. She was still again.

Aidan looked up at me. “I don’t feel anything, is she still moving?”

I frowned at him. “Hang on…wait a bit longer. She was just moving so much…she’ll do it again.”

We were silent for a few more seconds, but Raina was now as still as a statue. I let out a long, disappointed breath.

Aidan looked at me again with saddened eyes. “Can you still feel her?”

My face fell as I realized he’d missed the chance to feel the first movement of our child. “No, she’s not moving anymore…”

Aidan swallowed and dropped his hands from my stomach before standing back up.

“She’ll do it again soon I’m sure.” I tried to suggest positivity.

Aidan nodded and briefly looked at Theo before gazing back at me and loosening his white cravat. “I’m going to go change for dinner.”

His voice was unanimated as he turned away from me and started to walk to his dressing room.

I hesitated briefly, almost letting him go alone, but then I made the split decision to stand up quickly, leaving Theo behind. I caught up to Aidan rapidly, and I grabbed his arm.

“Aidan…”

Startled, he turned to me, and then pulled the white cloth fully from his neck and began to fold it in his hands as he continued to walk.

“Aidan, I’m sorry you didn’t feel her. But this is just the start. She’s going to move all the time now, I’m sure. You’ll have your chance.”

“Indeed, I will.” He replied quietly.

I still had my hand on his arm as I walked half a step behind him. “Please, don’t let this bother you. She’ll move again soon.”

“And Theo will be there to feel it.” His tone was salty.

I stopped in my tracks right before he reached his room. My hand still gripped his arm, and I prevented him from moving any further. He stumbled at the pull of my arm and turned around to look at me.

I gritted my teeth. “Stop it. You know that was a coincidence.”

Aidan took a deep breath and pushed the door open with his free hand. “Coincidence is going to have plenty of time to make itself known. I can’t be present and available as much as he can.”

I furrowed my brow and my jaw dropped slightly. “What are you even talking about? I see you every night and most mornings.”

“Yeah, only when we’re in the same country…” He frowned with is hand still on the doorknob.

I opened my free palm in confusion. “And…what? Do you think I see _him_ during those times?”

“No, but it would sure be a heck of a lot easier if you were with someone who stayed put…a steady constant in your life.” He sighed.

I stared at him in awe. “I have no idea what you’re trying to tell me.” I paused. “What? That you think I’d be better off with someone else?” Inside my own mind, I completed the sentence: _like Theo._

Aidan’s eyes met mine with sympathy. “I’ve gotta get out of these clothes. I’ll meet you at the cars.”

I took a step forward, so that my body was fully aligned with his, the warmth of his chest against mine. My hand did not leave his arm.

We stood like that for a moment, staring into each other’s eyes, feeling the length of our bodies pressed together so closely, so intimately, the heat of our frustration perfectly mirroring the heat that transferred between us at the points where we were connected.

“I miss you…” I whispered, so tentatively, that I wasn’t sure he even heard me.

He closed his eyes and breathed slowly, and I watched his face and the thoughts that seemed to move across his expression. There was so much conflict there, and I wanted desperately to reach up and kiss his soft, hurt, struggling lips, but he took a step back before I had a chance.

“I’ll meet you at the cars.” He repeated. And then he pushed open the door and disappeared into his room.

I clenched my fists at my sides, feeling the anger boiling within me, reminiscent of the way I felt towards Jane when I was on my way to confront her. He was singlehandedly sending our relationship down the drain, and I was not going to have it.

I almost barged into his dressing room right then and there, but I stopped myself and took a deep breath. I needed to gather my thoughts first.

So, I turned and made my way back to my chair to grab my bag. Theo was there, organizing some paperwork on the table.

He looked up at me. “Is Aidan coming?”

I sighed and grabbed my bag violently from the ground, slinging it over my shoulder. “Yeah, he’s going to meet me by the car.”

Theo frowned, and I knew he saw the disappointment in my eyes. “Well, I’ll walk to you out there. I’m riding over to dinner with a couple of others from the crew.”

I nodded and then we both made our way out the door. “Which pub are we going to?”

“The Albion, I think. There’s some really nice outdoor seating, and everyone will fit. I think there will be fifteen of us.”

I walked without really feeling my legs. I didn’t actually care where we were going to eat. I wasn’t even sure I’d be able to taste the food tonight, knowing that Aidan was thinking I should be with someone else instead of him.

My fists clenched again. How self-deprecating could he possibly be? His confidence was hitting an all-time low.

 _… it would sure be a heck of a lot easier if you were with someone who stayed put…_ I let Aidan’s words flow through my mind again, and I thought about Theo, and how much simpler life would be with him. No paparazzi, no internet bullies, much less travel… But even with all of those positives, Theo would _never_ be able to make me feel the way that Aidan did. Aidan was like a cool stream and a raging fire all at once. He could make me feel safe and calm one minute, and burning with passion the next. There was a level of sparks there that Theo could never reach, and a history that could never be matched. It was Aidan today, and it would be Aidan every day for me, as long as he wanted me too.

I straightened my bag on my shoulder as we exited the building. There were five Ubers parked just outside the entrance, waiting to drive us to dinner. Two of them were already full, and next to another, Eleanor and Luke were signing autographs for just a few fans. They finished quickly and then climbed into the third car. The fourth was empty, waiting for Theo and any others, and the fifth was completely blocked by hordes of women, clutching posters to their chests and holding out their phones, poised and ready. A few of them even wore black tricorn hats.

Theo and I stopped short of the women, and he turned to me. “Are you riding with Aidan?”

I eyed the crowds and sighed, realizing we would most definitely be the last ones to arrive to dinner at this rate. “Yeah, I’d better.”

Theo nodded. “Well, I’ll hang with you until he gets here.”

“He’s here.” A low voice from behind made me jump.

Aidan interlocked his hand with mine and tugged me gently towards the fifth car, leaving Theo in our wake. “I’ve no time for autographs tonight. Let’s get to dinner.”

But one of the crew members who was controlling the crowds quickly stopped Aidan, holding out a black sharpie.

Aidan pushed it away. “No autographs tonight.”

The crew member stood his ground and held out the marker again. “They’ve been promised autographs.”

Aidan’s brow furrowed. “Who’s promised them anything?”

“Someone on production. I’ve been told to tell you that this is necessary for promotion…that you need to keep up appearances.”

Aidan took a deep breath and looked at the many women who stared back at him from afar. “I’m not in the mood tonight. Tell them to come back tomorrow.” He tried to push past the crew member, but he stepped in front of Aidan again.

“I’ve been told that the pub will wait for you, but this is necessary tonight. I’m not allowed to let you leave without signing.” He puffed his chest out, but I could tell he was nervous to have to stand up to Aidan in this way.

Aidan’s face contorted in anger. “And since when is production my keeper?”

“It won’t take more than a few minutes of your time.” He held the sharpie towards Aidan’s chest firmly.

Aidan set his jaw and looked at the growing crowd again. “This is going to take more than a few minutes.”

Having been silent and still until now, I gently squeezed Aidan’s hand in encouragement. I knew that the last thing he wanted to do right now was to put on a happy face for his fans, but it would be more damaging to him if they saw him break a promise that had been made on his behalf.

Aidan let out a long sigh and then flung his bag over his shoulder and grabbed the pen quickly.

He pulled me with him towards the crowd, and I watched his face twist into a false smile. “Hello. Thank you all for coming.”

Without dropping my hand, he stepped up to the first woman and began to sign the poster she held out to him.

“I’m such a fan…it’s so wonderful to meet you.” She was breathless as she stared at him in awe.

“Thanks. Great to meet you too. Cheers.” He moved on to the next.

This one was practically jumping up and down as she held a gift bag out to him. “Here is some whiskey from Tennessee for you. Could you sign this also?” She passed him a printout of his famous scything photo.

Aidan took the whiskey and passed it to a crew member, before smiling at the woman and signing the photo. “Thanks, love. Cheers.”

He moved onto the next.

As he did, the second woman started to look me up and down. “Hi Colette…”

I caught her gaze and nodded with a smile.

Aidan watched us out of the corner of his eye, monitoring the situation.

“How are you feeling, sweetheart?” She asked.

“I’m just fine, thank you.” I smiled nervously as Aidan tugged me further along the line.

There were now a few women who had their eyes on me instead of him, and I caught a glimpse of two of them whispering to each other.

A third fan gazed at me inquisitively. “It must be hard for you when you’re away. What will you do during the next series when you have the baby to take care of? It won’t be good for her to travel so much, but I’m sure you know that.”

I set my jaw as Aidan stopped signing and turned to the woman. “Thank you for your concern. We’ll be just fine.”

Another fan spoke up. “Sorry, Colette, you must not be used to so much attention like this. Definitely a shock for you, coming from your quiet little life in the suburbs of LA, huh?” Her voice was sweet, but I heard the bit of poison behind it.

Aidan took a deep breath and eyed the woman with a bit of coldness in his expression, and then he looked at the portion of the crowd that he had still not made it to. He wasn’t even a fifth of the way through.

He turned his head and I followed his gaze to car number four. Theo stood casually leaned up against it, watching us. He was all alone, surrounded by absolutely no one who wanted his autograph.

Aidan bit his lip and then looked back down at me. His hazel eyes met mine with regret. “You go ride with Theo. I’ll finish here and meet you at dinner.” It sounded as though he struggled to get the words to form in his mouth.

I looked up at him tentatively. “Are you sure?”

He dropped my hand from his. “Yes, just go. I’ll see you in a bit.”

I maintained eye contact for a moment, sorry that he even had to make that suggestion. But we both knew that if I stayed here with him through the entire signing session, more questions would be asked, and more opportunities to bully me online would manifest themselves, quickly.

So, I nodded and stepped away from him, towards Theo’s car. I looked over my shoulder once and saw that Aidan’s posture had slumped slightly. He was clearly defeated, and I couldn’t do much to help it. I was between a rock and a hard place. I could have stayed and stressed him out even more, or I could do exactly what I had chosen, following his request and agreeing to ride with Theo, but hurting him in another way in the process.

I nodded towards the car as I grew closer to Theo, and he uncrossed his arms and opened the door for me.

I slid into the backseat while Theo walked around to the other side and climbed in as well.

“Anyone else we’re waiting on?” The driver asked.

Theo looked out the window. “No, I think if there is anyone else, they’ll catch the last ride.”

As the driver pulled away from the building, Theo ran his hands nervously across the legs of his jeans and gripped his knees tightly. He looked over at me with guilt in his eyes. “Look, I’m sorry if I made Aidan uncomfortable earlier. He should have been the first one to feel the baby move. That was inconsiderate of me.”

I tried to smile. “No, you don’t need to feel bad. I’m the one who asked you to feel her.”

He frowned. “I can’t help but feel that Aidan is a bit agitated with me right now, though.” He looked at me closely. “I really enjoy spending time with you, Colette, I won’t lie about that. But I should know better. I can see how this looks.”

I pursed my lips. “It shouldn’t look like _anything_ , because it _isn’t_ anything.” I watched him closely for a reaction.

His response was swift, without any hesitation. “Exactly. And I’m sorry if it has seemed otherwise.”

“No to me.” I watched his hands loosen their grip on his legs as he relaxed next to me. I sighed. “But Aidan’s being a bit of a…” I paused and bit my lip, not wanting to call him a nasty name and let my anger get the best of me. I took a breath. “He’s a bit paranoid right now, and I’m trying to figure him out.”

“Hey, I’ll step back.” Theo raised his hands in surrender. “We can just go about our business as if we weren’t friends. I don’t want to get in between the two of you. You’re still navigating so many changes in your lives, and you need to have the constant support from each other, in order to weather the storm. I’m just getting in the way.”

I frowned again, sad that it had come to this. I really did enjoy his company too. “I’m sorry, Theo.”

He ran his hand through his hair and feigned a smile. “Don’t worry about it. It’s not the first time I’ve attempted to be a third wheel and failed miserably at it.”

“Why always the third wheel?” I asked, tilting my head.

He looked over at me and his saddened blue eyes met mine. “Because, for some infuriating reason, no one I’m ever interested in is actually available.”

I felt my cheeks flush a little as he hinted at his feelings. “There’s someone out there for you. You’re too nice of a guy to always be the third wheel.”

He leaned his head back on his seat in defeat. “You’ve got it backwards. I’m _such_ a nice guy, that I’ll _always_ be the third wheel.”

I remained silent and looked down at my hands, unsure of how to respond.

He shifted in his seat. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. Really, with you, I promise, it’s just been friendship. I would never dream of trying to compete with Aidan. I have too much respect for him, and the two of you are meant for each other. I can really see it.”

I looked up at him. “Really? You think so?”

“I do. Do you?”

I frowned, thinking about how much I loved Aidan. There was no doubt that even with all the stress we’d been facing, I believed we were absolutely meant for each other. “I do, I just hope he does too.”

As the car pulled up to the pub, Theo smiled and placed his hand on my shoulder. “I think you guys just need to have a good, long talk. You’ve got a weird communication gap going on. Neither of you are aware of how strongly the other one feels.” He paused. “Just talk to him. Let it all out to him. The good and the bad. Don’t hold back.”

And with that, he stepped out of the car and smiled, holding the door for me and gesturing for me to follow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After a very restful vacation, I'm back! I had so much more clarity writing this chapter, and the pieces are falling into place in my mind. Stay tuned, because the next chapter is gonna be a good one 😉
> 
> [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/ESKcreativeworks)  
> [YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/c/eskcreative)  
> [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/eskcreative/)


	57. Fix

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You probably noticed, I've upped the rating to "Mature." I took this chapter a little further than I've taken the others. It felt necessary, to convey the strong emotions involved. It's still pretty tame, but I felt that it exceeded a "Teen" rating.
> 
> This one's been a long time coming. Enjoy!

I sat next to Eleanor at the long row of tables which had been pulled together on the patio of the pub. The evening air sent a small chill across my skin, but it was a welcome sensation, a physical awareness, there to distract me from my emotions.

Theo sat a few chairs down, chatting with the others. I was grateful that he’d taken a step back. I wished it wasn’t necessary, and I was angry with Aidan for making such a big deal of our friendship, but I knew keeping Theo at arm’s length was my only option at the moment.

As expected, Aidan was the last to arrive, and I kept checking the entrance, hoping he’d be in better spirits after finishing with his fans. Eleanor spoke to me just as I saw him walk in.

“So, I heard you felt her move today?” She asked, referring to the baby.

I nodded as I watched Aidan sit down in the empty seat across from me, shrugging his jacket from his shoulders. He met my gaze and took a sip of water from the glass provided to him.

“Yeah, _finally_. I was beginning to worry.” I replied, breaking my attention from him briefly and smiling at Eleanor.

“She’s probably been moving all along, and you just now felt it. They say first time mothers have a harder time recognizing the sensations. What was it like?”

“Bubbles…fluttering.” I said quickly, not really focusing on the topic. I was looking at Aidan again, who was staring down at his menu.

A waiter appeared next to him. “Can I get you anything to drink?”

Aidan looked up at the man, and then at me. I held his gaze without waver. If he chose to drink this evening, then we’d never get any talking done tonight.

He took a deep breath as if he read my mind, and then he shook his head. “No, thank you. I’m fine.”

“Aw, c’mon. You’re not drinking, Aidan?” Luke asked incredulously from next to Eleanor.

“Nah, I don’t really have the taste for it tonight.” He looked back down at his menu. “What’s good here?” He asked, avoiding the subject with ease.

Luke cleared his throat. “Well, I got the Cumberland sausages last time. They were divine.”

“Perfect.” Aidan said quickly and without inflection, closing his menu with unnecessary force, and taking another sip of his water.

Eleanor spoke up, tentatively trying to lighten the mood. “So, you made it out from underneath the hordes of women finally, huh, Turner?”

Aidan looked across the table at Theo briefly, who was chatting with the others and paying him no attention, and then he focused again on Eleanor. “Yeah, they were a bit relentless tonight.”

Eleanor grinned at him and nudged me. “Well, they can dream all they want, but I think your greatest fan has already won your heart. They’ve got some pretty serious competition.”

Aidan’s mouth slowly curled up into the tightest smile towards Eleanor, and then turned serious again as he looked at me. “She’ll always have my heart…if that’s what she wants.”

I blinked at him for a moment and tilted my head to the side, eyeing him closely, beyond confused by his behavior.

With perfect, but unfortunate timing, the waiter arrived again and asked for our meal orders. No one had a chance to respond to Aidan’s strange remark. Instead, we all went silent in the waiter’s presence. Aidan ordered the Cumberland sausages and I ordered a salad. But I was barely hungry enough even for that.

Conversation took a different turn for the rest of the evening. There was no more talk of Aidan’s fans or the state of our relationship. We talked about filming schedules and upcoming trips. We reminisced about funny on-set memories from the past, and we talk about our plans for when filming was over. Raina came up a few times, but not by name, because we were keeping that secret. Everyone was eager for their chance to meet her, but I wondered how many of them would actually get the opportunity. Not all of the crew members would stay onboard for the next filming, and I’d probably never see some of them again. And like Aidan’s fans had said, it wouldn’t be a good idea to bring a young baby on set so often. Things were about to change drastically.

I continued to peer at Aidan throughout the meal. He wasn’t participating much in conversation, but spending more time instead moving the contents of his dinner around on his plate.

When everyone else had finished, and his plate was still half full, I nudged his foot under the table gently. He looked up and I leaned across, towards him slightly. “Can we head out?” I whispered.

He gazed at me for a moment and then nodded. Just once, but it was enough for me to place my napkin on my plate and gather my jacket from the back of my chair and begin to pull it around my shoulders.

Aidan signaled towards the waiter and asked for our bill.

“You two aren’t leaving already, are you?” Eleanor pleaded as she noticed our movements.

Aidan handed his credit card to the waiter. “Yeah, we’re going to call it a night.”

“But, it’s barely dark…” Eleanor continued.

I spoke up when she tried to persist again. “I’m a bit tired. This was lovely though. We’ll see you all tomorrow.” I stood and leaned in to hug her.

“Oh, ok.” She frowned, returning my embrace. “Well, get some rest.”

I smiled at her as Aidan came to stand next to me, putting his card back in his wallet. “Thanks, you too.” I paused. “All of you.” And I gazed at everyone at the table, except one. I purposely avoided Theo’s eyes.

Aidan nodded to the group and then placed his hand on the small of my back and gently guided me towards the exit. Without a word, he signaled a taxi. We rode with barely a few spoken sentences back to his flat.

The sun had set hours ago, and I looked out the window, counting the small specks of white light in the rich black of the sky. It was beautiful, but I wished I had the mind to really enjoy it tonight.

Soon, we arrived at his building, and with a painful slowness, we both climbed the stairs to the door. Neither of us wanted to face the evening. The pot of tension between us was at a full boil, and it was about to overflow. There was no more time to push our issues to the side. I knew that now, and I sensed that he did too.

Just like when our plane fell from the sky, so many months ago, we could both perceive the impending explosion now, but we still had no idea what would result.

Aidan dropped his wallet on to the dresser in the small studio apartment, and then turned to face me. “You do look tired. Maybe you should get some sleep?”

I flung my jacket over a chair and placed my hand on my hip, staring at him with disappointment. “Um. No.”

His eyes never left mine as he stood in front of me, waiting for me to continue. He knew what was coming. It was an inevitable result of our weeks of silence, and he was bracing for impact.

“Aidan…” I said quietly. “What’s going on?”

He shook his head like he’d been waiting for the question. “I promise you, nothing is going on.”

“Don’t lie to me.”

He sighed, and his expression fell. He looked at me for a few seconds, preparing his words. “I’m a little irritated, and a little guilty. But not for the reasons you probably think.”

My eyebrows pulled together. “What do you think I think?”

Aidan shrugged his shoulders. “Who knows. With the life I lead and the way I’ve treated you…you probably think the worst.”

My jaw dropped just slightly, and my eyes widened. I felt like I might understand what he was getting at, and I found it ridiculous that he even assumed I’d think such a thing.

I spoke quietly, barely getting the words out. “What? You think that I think you’re…cheating on me?”

“I have no idea what’s on your mind right now.” He sighed.

I scoffed. “Well, _yeah_ , because you won’t talk to me.” I looked at him closely. “You really think I would think that?” My eyes narrowed and my heart stopped beating. “ _Are_ you cheating on me?”

He scrunched his face in disgust. “Of course not.”

I set my jaw in frustration, but let out a long, relieved breath through my nose. “Well, I can assure you that, until this moment, I was NOT worried that you were. But the fact that you were worried that I might have that thought that… is not a good thing, Aidan.”

He was silent, so I continued. “Why won’t you talk to me?”

“Because I can’t bear it.” He replied with a long, forced breath, squeezing his eyes shut

I was quiet for a moment, trying to comprehend his words. “What do you mean?”

“You don’t really want all this, Colette.” He said quietly, gesturing to himself and the room.

My brows knit together. “What are you even talking about?”

He sighed, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “Of course, there’s no way out for you now. I know that well. So, you can say what you will. We have a daughter coming, and you’d never dream of separating her from me.” He paused. “But if she had never happened, you’d probably be weighing your options a bit more heavily right now.”

I was dumbstruck, listening to him confess the very same fears that I’d felt once upon a time when I’d first heard the news of our baby. I’d been terrified that _he_ wanted out.

I gulped, knowing in my heart that I’d never want to leave him, but afraid that he might be creating excuses for his own diminishing feelings. “Aidan, what…? Why would you think that? Do _you_ want out?”

His eyes softened and gently met mine. “Never. Colette, I never want to let you go. But I’d step back if I knew that’s what you really wanted.”

I stepped towards him, pleading. “Aidan, why would I ever want that?”

Aidan dropped his head and shook it slowly. “Ten months ago, we sat on the beach, dreaming of our futures, before we ever envisioned one _together_. And you told me of your plans for a simple life – hopes of a quaint home in the mountains of Colorado, with a quiet garden, a loving husband, and 2.5 children.” He looked back up at me. “This is not that.”

I blinked, remembering those intimate conversations we’d shared. I’d wanted those things then, and I still did now. I breathed slowly, trying to pick my words carefully. “But… we can still have that.”

Aidan watched me with a pained expression. “No, we can’t. Not in the way you’ve dreamed. You know that. Even if I dropped acting, right here and now,” He pointed at the ground. “You know that the drama would still follow us. It’s with us forever now. And even then, I’d eventually be itching to get back to it, and then both of us would be miserable.”

“I don’t want you to stop pursuing your passion.” I said quietly. “I never said that.”

“I know you didn’t. But a quiet life and my career can never coexist.”

I nodded, sadly aware of the fact, but not disappointed. I’d come to accept that long ago.

“So, I can’t give you what you need.” He said with finality, as if he thought he’d made some point that would miraculously make me understand him.

But I was far from finished. “Do you even know what I really need?”

“Look, I saw you.” He began again. “I saw you crying the other night. Those nasty women that air their grievances online are sickening. You don’t deserve any of that.”

“Really, it’s fine…” I started to say.

But Aidan interrupted, his features becoming hard again. “NO. Colette. It’s NOT fine. Stop fecking telling me everything is fine. This is not a normal life, and it’s not what you wanted. Stop hiding your emotions from me. Be bloody real with me for a minute.”

I stepped towards him again and clenched my fists at my sides. “ _You_ be real with _me_! My God, you won’t even talk to me anymore.”

“Are we not talking right now?” He opened his palms to the air in frustration.

“We sure as hell are talking right now. But this is for the first time in WEEKS. Seriously, Aidan, I’ve been miserable.”

“Yeah, and if you weren’t stuck with me in this messed up life I’d brought you into, then you wouldn’t be so miserable.” He spat.

I blinked rapidly and sucked in a breath of air. I turned around in a circle and placed my hands on my head in utter bewilderment and frustration. “Stuck with you? I’m not _stuck_ anywhere. I make my own choices, Aidan. And you literally have NO IDEA what you’re talking about! Do you even know what’s making me miserable right now?” I paused. “YOU. You are making me miserable. Not the lifestyle that comes with your career, not the anonymous bullies on the internet, YOU.”

Aidan set his jaw. “I still regret to this day that I responded to Jane’s texts in Cannes and then got stupid drunk and scared the shit out of you. And I don’t blame you for clinging to Theo when the stress of it all got to be too much.”

His far-off interpretations of my actions just continued to grow stranger. I glared at him. “There is nothing going on between Theo and I.”

Aidan looked at me sadly. “He’s got a thing for you. You know that, right?”

I thought about what Theo had said in the car, and I knew Aidan was right. “So, what? I’m not interested in him. We were just friends. And why didn’t you bring up these worries earlier? I would have stopped spending time with him immediately if I’d known you were uncomfortable with it.”

“You deserved a chance to see what a normal relationship might look like.”

I watched him in awe. “So you just…you just let me get close to him, so that you could get angry with me?” I blinked, completely furious. “You set me in a TRAP, Aidan. That is _cruel_. What was I supposed to do?”

“He can give you a lot more security than I can offer. You needed to see that.”

I stepped closer and looked up into Aidan’s eyes. “Stop it.” I breathed heavily. “Stop being so self-deprecating. It doesn’t suit you well at all.”

He gritted his teeth and his eyes grew cold as they watched mine. “Then stop pretending like everything is _fine_ all the time.” He emphasized the word. “All I can do is expect you’re thinking the worst. Your lies don’t suit you.”

“My lies?” I took a step back.

“YEP.” Aidan spat. “Jane has pretty much singlehandedly ruined your reputation, and you continue to pretend like none of it has affected you.”

I grimaced. “I couldn’t care less about my public reputation. My family and friends know who I am. That’s all that matters.”

Aidan glared at my response.

We held eye contact for a moment, and I thought about the hurtful words that had been said about me online. I took a deep breath, realizing that he was right. Part of me _did_ care. It was a small part, but it was there, nonetheless. I should have been more honest with him about that. It had obviously hurt him to see me hiding behind an untouchable façade.

I took a deep breath. “Fine. You’re right. It does hurt. But not nearly as bad as the hurt you’ve caused me.”

“If it weren’t for Jane…” He began.

He was going to blame Jane _again_. My anger shot to the surface once more and I stepped forward and pressed my hands into his chest, shoving him slightly. “STOP IT. This is NOT Jane’s fault anymore.”

He stumbled back from me slightly in response to the shove on his chest. He was caught off-guard by my physical display of anger.

I felt tears stinging in my eyes as I realized I’d gotten physical. But he really didn’t know me at all. “Do you even realize what you’ve done? You’ve taken her damage…the damage she’s caused, and you’ve carried it through to your own actions. You’re stringing the pain along, even when it isn’t there anymore. Jane is long gone, and you’re still acting like she’s the problem, and walking on pins and needles around me, or ignoring me…like you think I’ll magically walk away and release you from your guilt.”

He looked at the ground and said nothing.

“Do you want me to walk away?” I asked through heavy breaths.

His eyes raised to meet mine. “No.”

“Then why? Why Aidan? Why are you pushing me away?”

He let his head fall to the side in defeat and he looked at the ceiling. “Because I don’t want to hurt you anymore.”

My chest heaved up and down as I stared at him. My voice was quiet and shallow. “Do you realize that the majority of the hurt you’ve caused me has been the result of your trying NOT to hurt me?”

He looked at me with saddened eyes.

I frowned, realizing that his heart was actually more damaged than mine was. Jane had dug her claws so much deeper into his skin. “Don’t walk away when things get tough, Aidan. Don’t go quiet when you’re worried that I’ve been hurt by some part of your unique lifestyle, and assume I hate it.” I paused and stepped towards him again, more gently this time. “What has happened? How did we get here? Don’t you know me at all? I need you to hold me close. Hold on tight, and never let go.”

His softened eyes looked deeply into mine as I continued to step towards him as I spoke. “The solution to this is not that I should get out of your life and find happiness elsewhere. My happiness is here, with you. But I need you to stand next to me, and protect me, and encourage me. I struggle sometimes. But that doesn’t mean I want out. I just means I need you on my side, pulling me even closer.” I paused. “I want you. I want this life. I want everything that comes with it, the good and the bad.”

We were only a few inches apart, and my gaze locked straight with his rising and falling chest. I could feel the warmth radiating from his body. I continued. “Please, don’t assume to know what’s going on in my mind. Remember, I tried that once with you, and it got us nowhere. I finally came to trust you. Now you need to do the same for me.”

I gently rested my forehead against his chest and breathed deeply. After a few seconds, his hands moved to my back, stroking slowly up and down. It was the most affection he’d shown me in weeks, and my tense muscles relaxed slightly.

I felt the rumble in his chest as he spoke. “Then I need you to be honest with me. Don’t hold back your emotions, good or bad. I hate to have to guess what you’re thinking, have you tell me you’re fine, and then find you crying by yourself the next day. And I can’t struggle alone when you’re pretending to be fine. It hurts me too, Colette.” He paused. “Just be honest.”

I swallowed with difficulty and opened my eyes to stare at the dark blue weave of his shirt.

_Be honest._

_I knew exactly where that had to start._

I took a breath and opened my mouth slightly. For a few seconds, I thought I might not be able to get any words out, but eventually I did. “I know why Jane hasn’t been bothering us anymore.” I sighed.

Aidan’s breathing stopped. “Why?” He asked quietly, skeptically.

I sucked in another gulp of air. “I went to talk to her.”

His body went rigid, and then he grasped my shoulders and held me away from him firmly. His hazel eyes were fiery again. “You _what_?”

I summoned every ounce of confidence I could, and puffed out my chest. “I found her at that club downtown, _Perch_ , and I confronted her in the bathroom. Lainey was there with me.” I added, as if that would somehow soften the blow. “I told Jane to stop. I told her to stop hurting you, to stop hurting us, to stop hurting our daughter.”

Aidan gripped my shoulders tighter, an expression of disbelief turning to pure anger on his face. He almost looked as if he were going to shake me, like his anger might become physical, but he dropped his hands quickly, and his eyebrows pulled together into the nastiest grimace I’d seen from him yet.

“COLETTE.” He bellowed. “Do you have ANY idea the amount of trouble you could have caused? When did you do this?”

“The night you left for Bristol.” I replied firmly, trying not to let myself become phased by his intimidating presence. “Things are under control now. It worked.”

“You could have completely ruined EVERYTHING.” His voice was deep and harsh.

“But I DIDN’T? DID I?” I spat back. “I fixed the problem you walked away from.”

He set his jaw and glared coldly at me. “ _What I walked away from?_ ”

“YES. You wouldn’t deal with her, so I took it into my own hands.” I was standing my ground, trying to hold on to an appearance of confidence.

His mouth gaped open. “I TRIED to deal with it, but you got all bloody jealous and upset when I tried to make plans with her.”

I glared back. “Because you were trying to do it in SECRET!”

He took a threatening step towards me. “And who finally met with her in secret anyway? Huh? YOU, COLETTE. YOU LIED TO ME. I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU DID THIS BEHIND MY BACK. DO YOU REALIZE HOW GUILTY I’VE FELT SINCE I LIED TO YOU IN CANNES?”

I felt a twinge of guilt, because his words were true. I hadn’t completely realized that until now. But I took myself closer to him, so that our faces were less than a foot apart. “BUT I FIXED IT, DIDN’T I? YOU WOULD HAVE NEVER LET ME DO IT IF I ASKED YOU, AND IF I DIDN’T DO SOMETHING SOON, YOU WERE GOING TO LET HER TEAR YOU APART.”

“THIS WAS NOT WORTH THE RISK.”

“YES, IT WAS. I’M STRONGER THAN YOU THINK, AIDAN. I CAN HANDLE MYSELF.”

His teeth were clenched as he stared down at me. His breathing was ragged, and his shoulders rose and fell quickly. “YOU’RE ABSOLUTELY INFURIATING, YOU KNOW THAT?”

“YEAH, YOU’RE NOT SO EASY TO LIVE WITH, YOURSELF.” I spat back, crossing my arms.

His eyes stared daggers into mine, but there wasn’t only anger behind them. There was something new. Something that I hadn’t seen from him in a long time.

“YOU’RE IMPOSSIBLE.” His expression still burned with fury.

“I GOT IT DONE. SHE’S GONE NOW. CAN YOU JUST ACCEPT THAT AND BE HAPPY?” My hands dropped to my sides again in exhaustion.

He squeezed his eyes shut and his mouth set into a hard line. “I’ve never been so FRUSTRATED with someone I cared so much about all at the SAME TIME.” His voice was loud and rumbling. I could almost feel it in my own chest.

His words, surprisingly emotional, softened me a bit, but my voice continued to rise. “MAYBE YOU SHOULD TREAT SOMEONE YOU CARE ABOUT WITH A LITTLE MORE AFFECTION ONCE IN A WHILE.”

When he opened his eyes again, the guilt had returned, but it was sympathetic this time. He studied me for a moment, concern on his face. “WELL, MAYBE I LOVE YOU, AND I COULDN’T BEAR TO LOOK AT YOU AFTER THE PAIN I’VE CAUSED.”

I let out a long, agitated breath. “WELL, MAYBE I LOVE YOU TOO, AND I COULDN’T BEAR TO SEE YOUR GUILT ANYMORE.” I didn’t break my stare. “YOU WERE FIXING IT WRONG, AIDAN.”

His gaze bore into mine for a few breathless seconds as we stood alone in the quiet of our room. There was something about his expression that told me he was finally getting me, just like I was finally getting him. Our understanding still sat under a veil of anger, but we were almost seeing eye-to-eye.

My mouth barely opened as I spoke quietly but firmly. “Fix it right…”

Without hesitation, and as if he had already made his decision seconds prior, he closed the distance between us, and his lips crashed down onto mine, hot and wet and messy. It was an angry kiss, filled with frustration and confusion and hurt, from both of us, and I almost considered pushing him away, but he wrapped his arms around me tightly and I let myself sink into him, allowing his strength win.

His hands found my hair and held my head to his as he possessed my mouth. I felt his teeth graze my skin and then bite down on my bottom lip, just hard enough to cause the tiniest bit of pain. But I could sense his emotions from the way he touched me. Until this moment, he’d felt like he’d lost me, or that he didn’t deserve me. But I was his now, again, like I used to be. He was claiming me. I was his to love, in any way he pleased.

And then he was grabbing my small wrists tightly, shoving them behind my back and holding them there with his hand. His other was at my neck, poised just below the corner of my jaw. He pressed himself against me as his lips found my ear, causing me to stumble backwards towards the bed.

“What am I going to do with you?” His voice was a low growl as the back of my knees met the edge of the bed.

I felt a shiver tingle down my spine, and I shifted my mouth to his again and ran my tongue slowly along his top lip. I whispered quietly. “Anything you want…”

He growled again and kissed me deeply. “Don’t keep secrets from me anymore.” His voice was firm as he released my wrists and slid his hands under the hem of my shirt, tracing the bare skin of my back.

My breathing was ragged and quick as I felt his rough hands on me. “The way I feel about you has never been a secret.” I whispered

My hands, which were now free, traveled up his biceps, slowly inching towards his shoulders as I spoke again. “Let me show you how much I really want you…how much I need you.” My words held so many different meanings all at once. I wanted him in my life. I needed him to be strong, to be my rock. I wanted to love him, and only him, forever. I also needed him, right here, and right now. I needed his hot skin against mine and his warm breath on my neck.

And then he was pulling my shirt over my head and kissing his way up my chest in its path until he reached my lips again. He tossed my shirt aside and then pushed my shoulders gently, sending me falling slowly back onto the bed.

His own shirt was off before I could even blink, and then his pants fell to the floor too. Just his boxers remained.

I was in a dizzying state as I drank him in from head to toe. His chest, covered in dark curls, was still heaving up and down; his heartrate still elevated from our argument. He’d spoken so harshly to me, and I to him. The heat that filled the room was something I wasn’t used to, but at the same time the heat had arrived, the tension had lifted. Honesty chased it away with a stronger hand.

Slowly, Aidan stepped towards me on the bed and began to unbutton my jeans ever so slowly, never breaking eye contact. He hooked his thumbs on the waistband of both the denim, and my delicate underwear beneath, and tugged them off my hips at a painfully slow pace.

He was making me wait, and I knew it was because he could use the power to his advantage. He knew how badly I’d missed him. His slow, languid movements were such a contrast from the way he’d attacked me with his lips and his hands just moments before. That attack was anger-fueled. It was really astounding; the way frustration and resentment could translate to passion so quickly. It was like they were attached to the same nerve. A touch of one could ignite the other.

But now, there was a tenderness in the way he looked at me. A hunger not just for the flesh, but also for the heart.

Had I really made him feel so alone, like I wasn’t on his team, wasn’t feeling his pain, wasn’t able to handle the life which he led?

He stripped off his boxers, sending a jolt to my core at the sight of him. and then he kissed slowly up my bare legs, letting each touch of his warm lips last multiple seconds, savoring each one. I reached down and traced my fingers through the dark curls on his head, wanting his face up near mine. Wanting to look into his eyes and to really finally see who he was; a troubled soul who could love me with all of his being, wanting nothing but the best for me, no matter what that meant for him. Sure, the way he’d gone about communicating those feelings to me had been executed in the worst way, but I could really see him now. And he could see me. We had nowhere left to go but up.

As his lips reached my inner thighs, I felt my hips rise slightly from the bed; a response to my primal instincts, wanting to feel his mouth on my most sensitive of places. But in this moment, more than anything, I wanted him close to me, wanted his forehead pressed against mine, as if transferring sweet nothings through the places where our skin met.

I smiled when he skipped over my hips, trailing kisses across my protruding belly and then reaching around my back and unclasping my bra, letting it fall loose and to the side.

He trailed kisses across my chest, letting his tongue touch the sensitive spots there too. “I can’t believe I deserve you.” He whispered against my skin. “You’re stronger than I thought, my darling…sweet…Colette.”

He lifted his eyes to meet mine, and a single curl hung over his forehead, just waiting to be touched. I grinned at him and took the curl between my fingers, brushing it back on top of his head with the mess of the rest of them. My touch trailed down the side of his face, across the scar that ran right next to his eye. The scar that had brought him to me.

“I’m sorry I kept it from you.” I whispered gently, apologetic for the secret I’d been hiding.

“I’m sorry you felt you needed to.” He replied.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down into me. “Hold on tight, and never let go.” I repeated the words that I’d said just moments earlier.

A grin broke across his face. It touched the corners of his eyes, the way I loved so much. He leaned down to kiss me again and whispered into my lips. “Never.”

His tongue danced with mine and his hand fell between my legs as I let out a sigh of pleasure, a sigh of contentment, a sigh of relief. My mouth hung in an ‘o’ against his, like we were breathing our souls into each other. He supported himself up on an elbow next to my head, curling his fingers through the strands of my hair, a small act of possession.

I was home again in his arms. I hadn’t truly been home in so long.

_I loved it._

_I wanted it all._

His touches were slow and relentless, sending me closer. But I needed more than those touches tonight.

“Aidan, please…” I whispered finally, arching my back again, lifting my hips to meet his. This time, I meant it. I needed him more intimately than before, to feel him come undone above me and within me, to know that we were once again content in each other’s arms.

His eyes stared deeply into mine as his hand stopped, and then he adjusted and pushed into me, fully, wholly. He interlocked his fingers with mine, palm to palm, pinning my hands gently next to my head, and began to move.

I studied the specks of amber and green in his eyes as our breathing quickened at the same pace, with the same intensity. The new depth of our closeness heightened the intensity of the moment. There was no up and no down. No thought of anything other than the sensations between us, both physical, and deeply, deeply emotional.

Just as much as I was his, he was mine now. I finally saw the extent to which my happiness affected his. We relied on each other so much more than I’d ever understood. The amount of care I felt for this man increased exponentially.

When he finally squeezed his eyes shut and leaned down to kiss me again, It was like every emotion, to the depth of my core, amplified the physical sensations that lived there too, and my fingernails dug into the backs of his hands as every nerve ending lit up in the most intense and achingly beautiful way.

Aidan found his release in the same moment, and then collapsed down, half on top of me, resting his head just next to mine.

With our fingers still interlocked, I rubbed my thumb across his knuckles as my breathing slowed. Neither of us spoke for many minutes. And upon coming down from all the buildup, I was almost afraid of what to say.

But finally, Aidan turned his head to kiss my cheek. “I’m sorry.” He said quietly.

I shifted my head to look at him, nose to nose. “I’m sorry too.”

He pulled his hand from mine and traced it across the side of my face, brushing the hair from my eyes and whispering gently. “I should have known how important it was for you to have my support and my reassurance. I’m not sure what I was thinking, going quiet like that.”

I blinked slowly and smiled. “I understand now why you did it…but don’t ever do it again.” My smile turned into a grin, and Aidan chuckled in response.

I took a deep breath and watched him closely. “What _would_ you have done if I’d told you I was going to go talk to Jane, before I went?”

He pressed his lips together and sighed. “I would have told you not to go.”

I nodded and touched my fingers to his jaw, tracing the stubble there. I focused away from his eyes. “And now that it’s done, and she’s not bothering us, what do you think now?”

He placed his fingers just under my chin and lifted it gently so that my eyes met his, which were serious but softened. “I still wish you wouldn’t have gone behind my back.”

I swallowed and nodded. “I wish I wouldn’t have either. I’m sorry. I just wanted to fix it quickly. I wanted you to be happy again. She was literally tearing you apart, Aidan.”

“I know.” He said quietly. “I could have handled it better.” He sighed. “We’ve both made some mistakes.”

I scooted closer until my nose touched his, and I looked into his eyes, which were illuminated by the soft light next to the bed. “We’re allowed some mistakes, as long as we don’t let them fester again as long as we did this time.”

Aidan nodded and wrapped his arm around me, pulling me impossibly close. His lips touched mine gently for a moment before he spoke again. “I’m never going to let you go.”

I smiled against his mouth, savoring the warmth of his embrace and the sound of his sweet words. He was everything to me. “And I never want you to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew...the sap is back! It's like a breath of fresh air, putting them back on good terms again. ❤️❤️❤️
> 
> [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/ESKcreativeworks)  
> [YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/c/eskcreative)  
> [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/eskcreative/)


	58. Surprise

Slow, even breaths.

Steady heartbeat.

Warm, protective embrace.

I awoke to the feel of Aidan’s arms wrapped around me. It was achingly familiar, and I sunk myself deeper into his embrace, breathing him in. Before he’d come into my life, I’d never been able to sleep with anyone else so closely like that. Too hot, too stiff, or too uncomfortable. But, with Aidan, I often either fell asleep in his arms or woke up in them. It was probably a result of our months on the island. Those nights had frequently grown cold, or the rain had brought in an unwelcome breeze. Sleeping closely, or wrapped up in each other was the _only_ way to stay comfortable then. Even though it wasn’t necessary now, the habit had stuck, and the comfort still remained today.

After our argument last night, we’d talked long into the morning hours, divulging our deepest thoughts, giving more apologies, and learning how to understand each other along the way. I knew exactly why Aidan had done what he did now. He didn’t want me to feel trapped in this relationship with him, like it was my only choice. He’d tried to give me the freedom to choose my own destiny, so to speak. And so, he’d distanced himself from me. He’d let me get to know Theo, even though he’d struggled to watch us together. He’d seen the interest in Theo’s eyes, and he wanted to see how I’d react.

He regretted it now; his choice to allow himself to grow so cold with me. We spoke at length about how insecure he’d made me feel during the last few weeks, and I explained to him how close I’d become with Theo, but reminded him of how platonic those feelings had been. Aidan understood, and I’d seen the guilt in his eyes as he realized he’d ultimately taken a harmless friendship away from me. Theo and I could never recover now, to the place we’d once been, and Aidan knew he was at fault for that.

Last night, Aidan had also told me how alone he’d felt when I’d downplayed his anger about Jane. And through his admissions, I continued to discover how much damage she’d caused to him. My neglect to comfort him in those moments had torn those wounds open even further.

We had so painfully misunderstood each other for so long, and the agony had struck so deeply, that we we’d ended up emptying our hearts out to each other late into the night, until we literally couldn’t keep our eyes open anymore.

Now, with the light of Sunday morning pouring through the window, I watched Aidan’s bare chest rise and fall slowly in front of me. I shifted my head back just slightly, so that I could see his face.

The dark stubble, which he kept short for Ross’s character, lead up to longer sideburns, a common style of the Poldark time period, but I liked them, nonetheless. His eyes were closed, and his lips had drifted apart slightly as he slept.

I smiled, savoring the knowledge that he was still mine. We were still just as in love as we ever had been. I hadn’t lost him after all.

Then my attention shifted to my stomach. At first, I didn’t understand why, but then tiny flutters started slowly and began to grow stronger. I broke into an even bigger smile and held my breath, trying to remain still. I didn’t want to frighten her to silence like I did last time when Aidan’s presence had shocked me.

I slowly lifted my hand and stroked Aidan’s arm gently.

“Aidan…” I whispered.

He took a breath and then closed his mouth, swallowing and making light smacking sounds with his lips.

I grinned wider, loving the innocent nature of his peaceful sleep.

“Aidan…” I whispered again, this time a bit louder.

He took a breath again and then blinked his eyes open, focusing first on the top of my head and then down to my eyes.

“She’s moving again.” I reached for his hand and pulled it gently towards my stomach.

He looked at me blankly for a moment, and I knew he was still in the process of becoming fully conscious. But then his eyes widened, and he looked down.

I was rolled on my side, facing him, and his warm palm touched the curve of my belly.

We were both silent for a moment. I waited, hoping and praying that she would continue to move for him.

After a pause, he looked up at me incredulously. “I feel her…” And then he grinned and gazed back down. “Wow, it feels…different…she’s busy in there.” He laughed.

I waited until he looked up at me again, before I met his eyes and smiled. “Crazy, right? She’s about the size of a coconut right now.”

His mouth pulled into a smirk. “Well, that’s kinda perfect, in’it?” And then he leaned in and touched his warm, lazy morning lips to mine.

I placed my hand atop his, and we both felt Raina’s movements from within me; soft and gentle, yet full of energy.

Aidan closed his eyes and rested his forehead against mine. “I already love her so much.”

I smiled, so grateful that he had enough room in his heart for the both of us. “I know. I do too.”

When he looked at me again, his expression changed, and I recognized a new respect and admiration there.

“You know…” He said. “I really haven’t given you enough credit. You’re already such a wonderful mother to her; keeping your stress at bay, avoiding drama that doesn’t really matter, standing up for her…and for me…against…well, against a lot.”

I smiled and nodded, and then I slid my fingers through his and held on tight. “You really haven’t heard from Jane at all?” I asked.

“Not a peep.”

I sighed lightly; relieved. Part of me lately wondered if maybe Jane was still playing me, still using my pain for her own gratification, but I easily believed Aidan’s response this morning. He had no reason to lie to me now, and a bigger part of me _did_ feel confident that I’d finally gotten through to her. I hoped that maybe she was finally tired of the game.

“What did she say…” He cleared his throat quietly. “…that night when you confronted her?” He was curious, it was clear, and I couldn’t blame him.

I took a deep breath, still gripping his hand tightly. Somehow, a small act of affection, such as the touch of our fingers, eased the tension of a heavy topic of conversation. We were in this together, after all.

“Well, she was angry at first. She didn’t want to hear me out…of course.”

“Not surprised.” Aidan replied and then paused. “So, you said you just, cornered her in the bathroom?”

I nodded.

“Ruthless…Colette.” He said, shaking his head.

I feared for a moment that he was angry again, but then he broke into a grin, revealing the humor in his comment.

He squeezed my hand. “You were just, flat out, _done_ with her, weren’t you? Even though I’d never have let you do it, I’m somehow also proud of you that you did.”

I furrowed my brow and smiled. “Well, now that doesn’t make any sense at all.”

He chuckled and then wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into him. “I just haven’t been giving you enough credit until now. And I don’t think I’d realized the lengths you’d go to for me.”

I cupped my hand on his cheek and looked into his eyes. “Like dragging you across the sand and stitching up your leg with a sewing needle and thread?”

Aidan winced. “That was physical strength though.”

I grimaced. “Oh, there was mental strength there too. I’m not a surgeon, and blood is not my strong suit.”

“Well, regardless.” Aidan continued. “I owe you about a thousand thank you’s.”

I closed my eyes and rested my forehead against his. I still felt like I owed him more than he owed me. I also knew that I owed him a bit more truth about what Jane had said to me. I needed to not keep secret something that would eventually eat me alive. I knew that delicate nature about myself now.

“She loved you, you know…” I tentatively spoke.

“I know…” He replied quietly.

I pulled my head back and looked at him. I hadn’t expected that he’d be so sure of it. Maybe that he’d have had an inkling, or a suspicion, but not that it would phase him so little.

He opened his eyes and frowned. “It wasn’t hard to tell, even in her ‘Jane little way.’ That’s part of why it was so hard to break things off with her before the plane. I wanted so badly to give her a chance, knowing how much she cared for me.”

I looked down at his chest blankly, picturing them together. I imagined their embraces, their tender moments, and the way Jane must have felt with him; very much like how I felt now. But I blinked the images away, and gazed back up at him, swallowing nervously. “Did you love her?”

Aidan pressed his lips together, watching me for a moment. “I cared about her a great deal. And she needed a lot of reassurance and constant reminders of how much I favored her. She is a very insecure person. I gave her that assurance, and it wasn’t hard, because I really did care.” He paused. “But no, I never loved her. Not quite.”

It was a relief to hear him say it, but I frowned, thinking about his description of Jane. It sounded frighteningly similar to the way I pictured myself. “Ok.” I replied softly.

He looked at me quizzically. “I would have expected you’d be glad to hear that. Is everything ok?”

I blinked and tried to smile. “Oh, no, yes. I’m glad to hear it.”

“But…?” Aidan coaxed me on.

“But..” I took a deep breath. “I can’t help but wonder what you think of _my_ insecurities? They must be a burden to you too.” I replied tentatively.

He placed his hand on the side of my face and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “Your…insecurities, as you call them…have never been a burden to me. It’s been a challenge sometimes, sure, but I’ve never seen them as a detriment to our relationship. I don’t blame you one bit for any of your fears about my intentions.”

I raised an eyebrow. _“Really?”_

“Really, Colette. Watching you grow to trust me, and doing everything I could to earn that trust, has been incredibly rewarding, and worth every bump in the road.” He paused. “I’m really the luckiest man in the world.”

To my own surprise, I felt a giggle bubble up from my own throat, and I pressed my lips together trying to suppress it.

Aidan smirked in confusion. “What could possibly be funny about that?”

I swallowed my giggle, trying to compose myself. “In the whole _world_ , really Aidan? I doubt I’m hardly worth that statement.”

Aidan shrugged his shoulders. “I’m just saying it like I see it.”

I smiled and leaned in to kiss him again. “Well, I’m flattered by the way you see it. And if we’re being all sappy and extravagant about our opinions this morning, you should know that I literally feel like I’m living in a fairytale, a fantasy really, with you.”

Aidan grinned. He knew exactly what I meant. By this point, he was fully aware of the way I’d felt about him before we met, when he had a home in my imagination. “How could I possibly compete with those…” He took a breath and his eyes darkened. “…fantasies…Colette?”

I pressed myself closer to him and trailed my fingers through the thick hair on his chest, feeling each curve of his toned muscles. “Oh, you’re even better….much, much better…”

***

My four weeks in Bristol were sadly coming to an end, and I was less than two months from my due date. Tomorrow evening, I’d be flying back to LA on my own. I’d head back to work in the office until my eventual maternity leave. It was time start making final preparations for Raina.

It was beginning to feel real now, and the new emotions were startling to me. In just a few weeks, I’d be responsible for another living human being. Life would no longer revolve around myself, or even my relationship with Aidan. My mind would soon be filled with thoughts of car seats and feeding schedules, diaper changes and sleep deprivation.

Luckily, I wouldn’t have to do it alone. Aidan had made the decision not to take on any new projects until the eventual filming of season four of Poldark, which wouldn’t begin until next spring. That meant I’d have six months with him to look forward to. We’d spend the first few in LA, until we were comfortable taking Raina on a plane, when we’d fly to Dublin for a handful of months.

It was exciting to be making plans. They were plans that kept us together for many months, without any time apart. I hadn’t known what that felt like since our time on the island. I knew that the addition of an infant to our lives would not prove to be simple, and new challenges would definitely await us, but at this point, I couldn’t imagine a different future with him. Riana was our life now. We’d meet her soon, and everything would change.

Now, I was standing in front of the mirror, brushing my hair and touching up my makeup. Aidan would be taking me out for an early dinner tonight, before my departure tomorrow. As I stood back from the mirror and looked at myself, I turned sideways and pulled my shirt down over my bump.

“Ugh, I’m huge.” I frowned, thinking about the weeks that still remained. “How could I possibly get any bigger?”

Aidan came out of the bathroom and wrapped his arms around me from behind, placing a kiss on my neck. “You’re perfect, and you’re doing amazing.” He looked at me in the mirror and grinned. “I’d even say you’re _glowing_.”

I rolled my eyes and pulled away from him, crossing the room to grab my purse. “And _you_ are being ridiculous.”

He laughed. “ _What?_ What did I say?”

“You’re _glowing_ …” I mimicked him, making fun of his words.

He grabbed my hand as I tried to walk back past him, and he pulled me into his arms again. “Pregnancy suits you well. And you seem to be taking in all in stride. I could never be so strong.”

I sighed, but sank into his embrace. His touch never failed to comfort me. “Well, the LA August heat is going to prove to be torture for these last few weeks.”

He kissed the top of my head. “I wish I could be there with you.”

“I’ll have Lainey.” I replied. “And my mom. And work will keep me busy.” I looked up at him and studied his kind eyes as they gazed down at mine. “But I am a bit sad to realize that our time together, without the distraction of a baby, is quickly coming to an end.”

He smiled sympathetically. “It is. But once we’re on the other side of this, we won’t believe we ever lived without her.”

I looped my arms around his waist, pulling myself as close to him as I could with my belly in the way. I smirked. “Well, let’s go enjoy this child-free life for a little while longer tonight. I’m hungry.”

Aidan leaned in to kiss me and then smiled and extended his elbow for me to take in a proper fashion. “Shall we?”

I grinned and looped my arm through his, and we made our way through the door and down the stairs.

“So, where are we going?” I asked.

“Just a little place down the street. We can walk, if you’re up for it.”

I nodded, glad to have the chance to enjoy a little bit more of the picturesque city of Bristol before heading back to the hustle and bustle of LA. The atmosphere was quainter here, even though Bristol was not a small town. I liked it. I felt like I could actually breathe.

“I’m going to miss everyone so much…Eleanor, Luke…” I said quietly as we made our way down the stone sidewalks. I’d gotten to know them all quite well over the last few weeks. I’d especially miss Eleanor’s company.

“I think they feel the same for you.” Aidan replied, and then pulled me to a stop in front of a little corner restaurant with a brick façade and dark green framing around the windows.

Above the door read: _Welcome to Seamus O’Donnell’s._

I laughed when I saw it. “You _would_ pick an Irish pub.”

“I wasn’t the one who picked it.” He replied.

I looked up at him quizzically and saw a twinkle in his eye. And then he took my hand and pulled me into the restaurant. My nose, now more sensitive than it had ever been, was filled with the delightful and familiar scents of hearty pub food and the malt-like sweetness of Guinness. The place smelled like Aidan; or probably what a version of heaven would smell like to him, and I smiled. I found it hard to believe that _he_ didn’t choose this restaurant.

But then I turned to the left side of the room and saw them. At least twenty members from the cast and crew of Poldark, seated at a section of tables, all watching me with smiles on their faces. Everyone that I cared about. Everyone was here. Even Theo.

A shocked grin spread across my face and Aidan leaned into me.

“Surprise.” He whispered.

“What’s all this?” I looked from face to face. I had no idea a group outing had been planned.

Eleanor stood up and came to hug me. “We wanted to get everyone together one last time before you left us.”

I beamed at her. I was flattered that they thought so highly of me; so much so that they went through the effort to surprise me.

“And, we have a few small gifts for you as well.” Eleanor added, pointing towards the center of one of the tables, where a handful of baby-pink gift bags sat.

“Oh…you didn’t have to do all this…” I suddenly felt embarrassed that they’d spent money on me.

“No, but we wanted to.” Eleanor smiled.

I looked back at Aidan, who was grinning at me.

“Did you know about all of this?” I asked.

“Yeah, but I had no part in the planning. This was all them.” He lifted his hands in innocence.

I was still skeptical. “So, who picked the Irish pub?”

Eleanor spoke up again, smiling. “Well, part of this gathering is to celebrate the impending arrival of a little girl who will be half Irish, so I thought it was appropriate.”

I grinned and looked up at Aidan.

He lifted his hands further. “And I had no objections.”

Everyone in the room laughed, and I wrapped my arm around him affectionately, before we took our seats and joined the party.

It was a perfect night, filled with laughter and memories; a far cry from the tense gathering we’d had almost a month ago. Aidan was in high spirits tonight, and he drank his beer, joking with the others and smiling to his heart’s content. I rested my chin on my palm and beamed at him from across the table. He was once again the Aidan I had fallen for; carefree, fun-loving, and jovial. He’d been that to me even on the island when our lives were full of danger. His disposition was what had gotten me through. And it continued to carry me even now.

I felt incredibly appreciated, and a sense of love filled the room, from the people that I once admired and now called my friends. I opened the gifts that had been so graciously given. None of the gifts were from one specific person, but all given as a group. There were little pink dresses, tiny socks with ruffles, soft toys and picture books. My heart filled with joy and appreciation as I opened each one; especially when I laid eyes on a children’s book about tropical island wildlife; fish and birds and frogs. I could tell that they’d spent time considering this one, and it meant the world to me. I even peered at Aidan as he flipped through the pages, and I could tell that he was extremely touched as well.

“This is perfect.” I beamed.

“We figured you both can probably teach her a few unique facts about some of those animals.” Luke smiled.

Aidan turned to a page depicting a familiar ground-dwelling bird. “Like, how delicious this one tastes?”

There was a shocked silence, followed by an outburst of laughter around the room as we all realized the hilarity of the situation.

“Just saying…” Aidan chuckled. “That was one of the better ones.” He looked up at me and smiled warmly, and our thoughts connected for a moment. We were back on the island, sitting across the fire and feasting on our catch of the day. It was a happy memory now, devoid of the stress we felt when we were actually living it.

After over an hour, my favorite night from my trip to Bristol came to an end, and Aidan and I thanked them all profusely. We began to pack up the bags in preparation to head back to Aidan’s apartment for the night. I hugged Eleanor, knowing I’d be seeing her once more tomorrow morning on set, and then when she stepped out of the way, Theo was standing behind her.

He smiled at Aidan and I as he stepped forward towards us. “I…uh, I won’t be at set tomorrow. I’ve the day off, so…Colette, I just wanted to wish you well.” He spoke tentatively. We had barely said a word to each other over the last few weeks.

Aidan gently took one of the gift bags from me, placed a reassuring hand on my back, and then leaned in to kiss my cheek chastely. “I’ll be just outside.”

I looked up to see him smile and nod at Theo, before he left us alone.

Theo fumbled with his keys in his hand and cleared his throat nervously.

I watched him with compassion. I appreciated the respect he’d given to Aidan and I after the events that had transpired. “Thanks for all of this.” I said, referring to the gifts and the evening in general, but I was aware that my words meant more.

Theo smiled. “Of course. We all wish you the best. Both of you.”

“Thank you.” I replied quietly. “I’ll see you next year in Cornwall again?”

“We’ll see. I’m not sure where my plans will take me yet.” His words implied sadness, but he said them with a smile. He had clearly already accepted the reality of the situation.

I frowned. “Oh, so this might be…the last time I ever see you?”

“Possibly.” He replied.

I sighed. I didn’t want to say a final goodbye. I still regarded him as a close friend, and it was a shame that our platonic relationship couldn’t continue. But we both knew that a final goodbye would be for the best. As hard as he tried, feelings would never be completely platonic on his side, and as much as I wished it, I could never let myself become close to him with that knowledge. So, I watched him with sympathy. “Best wishes with everything. I expect to see your name high up in the credits someday.”

He laughed. It was a dry, sarcastic laugh, without true humor. “Thanks, Colette.”

We gazed at each other for a moment, and I hesitated briefly, but then I stepped towards him and wrapped my arms around his shoulders in a quick hug. He tensed at first, but then wrapped his arms around me too.

When I retreated, we both nodded to each other with tight-lipped smiles.

“Bye.” I said quietly, taking another step back.

“Bye.” He replied. And I saw the regret in his eyes. Whether it was regret for the tension he caused, regret for letting himself develop feelings, regret that I didn’t reciprocate them, or regret that he had to say goodbye, I didn’t know. But I turned from him and didn’t look back.

I walked out the door and stepped up next to Aidan, lacing my fingers between his. As he felt my touch, he looked down at me and smiled. He’d given me a proper chance to say goodbye, and he’d allowed me to the task alone.

More than anything, that small act of trust made me fall for him even deeper, and further cemented my decision to choose him, over and over again, without hesitation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of the wonderful comments on the last chapter! I'm so glad you all enjoyed it just as much as I'd hoped 😉 More chapters coming soon!
> 
> [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/ESKcreativeworks)  
> [YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/c/eskcreative)  
> [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/eskcreative/)


	59. Conscience

“And I need that invoice complete and sent back out before you leave today, Colette.”

My manager added the final item to his long list of last-minute requests at 4:30 on a Friday. I took a deep, cleansing breath and nodded, turning around to my computer and continuing to type an email to a client.

I yawned and then grimaced at the sensation that followed. I had to use the bathroom…again. I felt like my bladder was the size of a small grape, lately. I couldn’t go more than a half hour between trips these days. I was thirty-four weeks along. Only a month to go before Raina would make her appearance. And I was feeling the symptoms. Intensely.

To add to the discomfort, LA this time of year was HOT. I spent every opportunity I could inside, in the air conditioning. My back hurt, I was tired all the time, and my emotions were starting to get the best of me. It felt like every little event, either positive or negative, could set me off into an overflow of feelings. Tears were always just an inch away from flowing down my cheeks at the slightest sensitive subject. I felt a bit out of control, like I couldn’t trust the thoughts in my own mind. I wasn’t thinking clearly. The hormones were thinking for me.

Being apart from Aidan didn’t help. It had been four weeks since I’d seen him, and the loneliness was taking its toll, especially as I felt the birth impending. I’d gone completely into nesting mode, and I had the nursery almost completely decorated, apart from a large box in the middle of the room that held a disassembled crib. We would put that together tomorrow, when Aidan visited for a short weekend. It would be the last time I’d see him until he finished filming and came back to stay, ten days before my due date.

We were cutting it close; we knew. But ten days was the earliest he could possibly return, and the production team was rushing as it was. And the pregnancy was still on a completely normal course. The doctors told me that since she was my first child, it was more likely that she would arrive late anyway.

So, we made our plans, and crossed our fingers for a smooth outcome. Aidan was on a plane already tonight, on his way to visit one last time and help me finish the final preparations. He’d be landing in the middle of the night, and I’d be waiting anxiously for him at home.

I’d grown in size, quite a bit since the last time that he saw me, and I knew I’d be a little self-conscious. I could only represent so much of the change on our Skype calls, and I knew I’d probably look huge to him in person. How strange it must be for him to be so far from me during a time of change like this. I knew he likely felt a little bit guilty, and I hated it, but I knew it was necessary. It was his job at stake, and the necessity of him being present for his job made him responsible for the securities of the jobs of so many others. Plus, as an alternative, I could have never stayed in England longer than I did. I couldn’t imagine being on a plane for such a long flight at this point. I was uncomfortable enough sitting at my desk at work.

I sighed and stood up, waddling my way to the bathroom for what felt like the hundredth time today. I was tempted to just take my computer in with me and make it my new office.

When I returned to my desk, I leaned into my keyboard and pushed through the rest of the day’s work, pretending like I wasn’t frustrated with my boss for piling so much on me at the end of the week.

After I’d finished the last invoice and hit ‘send,’ I looked at the clock and saw that it was already 5:15. I took out my phone and sent a text to Lainey.

_Sorry, on my way down now! -C_

Lainey was probably already in the parking lot waiting to pick me up and drive me home tonight. She was bringing over a few of her things, because beginning after this weekend, she’d be staying with me for the entire last month of my pregnancy. She’d take the guest bedroom, and we’d go about our normal routines during the day, but each night would ultimately be a sleepover, and we were both excited for the inevitable fun we’d have.

Many years ago, we’d lived together in a small, cramped college dorm room. We were younger then, and full of so much more energy, but we hoped that this next month might prove to be a reminder of simpler times, and a final opportunity to kick back as friends without the distraction of motherhood.

Life had taken me on so many twists and turns over just the last year. But Lainey had stayed constant, and I was forever grateful for her.

As I packed up my things and stepped onto the elevator, I felt my phone vibrate in my hand and when I looked down check it, I saw a deposit notification from my bank account.

I recognized the dollar amount immediately. Not because it was a number I usually saw, or one that was commonplace for me. But I’d been expecting it. While Aidan and I had built our life together for the last few months, there was a different war raging on in the background, between lawyers and the airline, and the families of those who perished in the crash.

Compensation was expected, and rightfully so, to the loved ones of the souls who lost their lives. But there was also compensation for Aidan and I. For the hardships we faced, the medical expenses, and to supplement the time period when we were both out of work.

While I was grateful for the generous sum, in perfect honestly, I was just glad to have survived, and glad to have turned my life in a new direction. I may have lost some money in the process, and so the compensation made sense, but the amount was still shocking.

I looked down at the number, and my heart skipped a beat. I wasn’t sure why I was so surprised _now_. I’d known for weeks what amount had been agreed upon, but it was still an extravagant number.

It was more than twice my yearly salary.

All that money. Because I survived a plane crash and endured months on a deserted island.

I looked down at my feet in silence. But I _survived_.

So many others had not been so lucky.

I would give up the money in an instant if I knew I could bring them back. Monetary compensation felt so trivial and impersonal. I knew that the checks for the families of the victims would be hitting their bank accounts at the same time as mine, and I felt a knot form in my throat.

Money.

That’s all they got.

They didn’t get their mothers and fathers and spouses and children back. They didn’t get a second chance. They didn’t meet the love of their life. They weren’t getting a beautiful new baby to hold in their arms.

They got pain, and hurt, and loss, and grief…and money.

The elevator doors opened, and I saw Lainey’s car parked outside the glass windows of the entrance to the building. I walked towards it without really feeling my legs.

There was an emptiness in the pit of my stomach that I couldn’t shake.

I opened the back door and flung my bag into the backseat, and then I climbed in next to Lainey.

“Bad day?” She asked.

I looked over at her, realizing that my expression must have given me away more easily than I’d thought.

“ _Long_ day.” I sighed. “Too much to do. Not enough time. And too much on my mind.”

Lainey pulled out onto the main road. “Well, Aidan will be here tonight, so maybe that’ll clear your mind a bit.”

I smiled at her and then looked out the window, watching the rows of buildings give way to the trees and houses that lead up the hills. _Aidan will be here_. Oh, how those words were like a warm blanket to my soul. He was my comfort in everything lately. If I could let my thoughts drift back to him, then I could put myself in a happy place. One could only guess how much happier I’d be soon when that happy place would become my reality again, and I’d be in his arms.

I’d spoken to him on the phone just a few hours ago, when he’d boarded his flight. I’d heard the eagerness in his voice as he’d told me how excited he was to see me. I could tell that he’d been working hard to keep focus on his acting lately. There had to be so much on his mind, and I knew he was worried about me being on my own. As a result, he’d been more than supportive of the idea of Lainey moving in temporarily.

“What _is_ on your mind?” Lainey suddenly asked.

I sighed and rested my forehead on the glass. “The compensation check came in.”

“Oooooh what will you use it for?” Her voice was appropriately eager.

I looked down at my stomach and cradled it in my hands. “Her.” I smiled slightly. “Aidan and I already agreed we will both be putting most of our compensation earnings into an account for her.”

“You’re too good, Colette…” Lainey sighed. “I wish I were that responsible. You’re going to be such a wonderful mother.”

I tried to hold the smile on my face, but I felt a frown begin to take over and the sting of tears in my eyes. I brought my hand to my mouth, trying to prevent the emotions from showing on my face, but it was no use. A tear fell down my cheek.

“Colette…” Lainey looked over at me as she pulled into the driveway of our home. “What in the world? What’s wrong?” Her voice held a gentle concern.

I shook my head, squeezing my eyes shut. “I don’t know.” I squeaked.

Lainey put the car in park and turned to me, placing her hand on my arm and waiting for me to speak.

I opened my eyes and looked at her blurry figure, obstructed by my tears. “I don’t know what’s come over me.” I paused. “I’m so freaking emotional lately.” And then I started to laugh, mostly because my absurd emotions were more amusing than anything else.

“Because you’re 8 months pregnant. That’s why. Your hormones are on overdrive.” Lainey responded gently.

I smiled and wiped the tears from my eyes. “Yeah, I just…one minute I’m happily decorating Raina’s nursery, and then next, I’m crying over the compensation money because it reminds me of the passengers who never came home.”

Lainey was staring at me with wide eyes. “ _Who’s_ nursery?”

I raised my eyebrows at her, and then it hit me, and I brought my hand to my forehead in regret. “Oh…crap…I completely forgot…” I was so used to calling Raina by name with Aidan, that I’d let it slip easily here.

Lainey’s eyes grew sentimental. “You’re naming her Raina? Ooooh…Oh my God, I love ittttt!”

I dropped my hand halfway down my face so that I could look at her out of one eye. “You can’t tell _anyone_.”

She clapped her hands together excitedly. “I won’t! I won’t! Am I really the first one to know?”

I sighed and reached back to grab my bag from the back seat. “Yeah, it was supposed to be a secret. I can’t believe I just did that.”

Lainey laughed. “Don’t worry, I won’t say anything. Where did you get the name? it’s so pretty.”

I placed my bag on my lap and took a deep breath, accepting the reality of my slip-up. “Aidan came up with it. It’s Tahitian. It means ‘calm sky.’”

Lainey brough her hand to her mouth. “Oh wow…it’s perfect. It’s beautiful. And she’ll take his last name, right? So, Raina Turner?”

I smiled and nodded. “Raina Turner.”

She raised an eyebrow at me, and I immediately could sense that her thoughts had become mischievous before she even spoke. “And when will _you_ be taking his last name?”

I laughed and rolled my eyes, stepping out of the car and away from her teases.

She got out too and followed me up the steps to the front door. She spoke over my shoulder. “I’m serious. I can’t believe he hasn’t asked yet.”

I unlocked it and made my way inside, dropping my bag on the table and walking to the fridge to grab a drink. “I told you, we didn’t want to feel like we were choosing marriage just because a baby is on the way. We want it to be real, and for the right reasons.”

Lainey sat down across the counter from me. “Is it not real enough yet?” She chuckled.

I unscrewed the cap of my bottle of water and watched her with an amused expression. “Of course it is. But honestly…” I paused. “…and I’m being serious, Lainey.” I provided a disclaimer, because I knew she was going to need it. “I’m glad he hasn’t yet.”

She eyed me skeptically.

But I continued. “I don’t think he will before she’s born. There is too much going on. We’re apart so often right now. And I think we just need her to arrive and confirm for us that we really do want to be together for the long haul.”

“Do you really doubt it, though?” She asked.

I laughed. “No. But I’m perfectly happy with focusing on Raina for the time being. It’s not like we’d be getting married in the middle of all this anyway. I think it’ll do us good to have a little time together with her before…you know, we make that decision. We haven’t even known each other for a year yet, you know.”

Lainey lifted her hands in amazement. “You’re a saint to have so much patience with him. I’d be sending him ring photos already.”

I laughed again. “I want him to be ready. And ever since I found out about Raina, I’ve made it a priority to make sure he didn’t feel trapped in the relationship. I think he feels the same about me. So, we’re just taking it slow. Marriage is a big commitment, and I don’t think either of us wants to get it wrong.”

Lainey let out a sarcastic breath. “I doubt Aidan can do any kind of wrong, honey. You hit the jackpot there.”

I chuckled and tilted my head back, downing the rest of my water. “You should tell him that. I think he’d be flattered to know you think so highly of him.”

She smirked, and I grinned in return, because we both knew how to joke so well with each other. And then she leaned across the counter and smiled even wider. “I have a date tomorrow.”

I slammed my empty water bottle down. “YOU DO?!”

She danced in her seat. “Yeah, I do. And he’s _cute_.”

“Oooh, tell me more, tell me MORE!”

We sat at the counter for another hour, while Lainey filled me in on _Josh_ , who was apparently simultaneously the smartest and sexiest scientist at the lab she was currently working for. They met over a discussion about leaf venation patterns on a newly discovered species from the deepest rainforests of Brazil. They sounded like a match made in heaven to me, and needless to say, she was beyond ecstatic.

We ordered Chinese delivery for dinner, like we’d done so frequently in our college years, and then Lainey brought some of her belongings in from her car and began to make the guest room feel like her own.

I felt about ten years younger for those few hours, forgetting about the responsibilities of life and the realities that smacked me in the face when I least expected them. But eventually, Lainey had to leave for the night. Aidan would be landing in a few hours. And an entire weekend with him was laid out in front of me. It was a short expanse of happiness, but it was there for the taking, and I couldn’t wait to see him walk through the door.

Once Lainey left and I was alone, I walked into our bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed. I looked at Aidan’s spot, where he usually slept, which had been left empty for so many weeks. His large figure would lay there tonight, embracing me with his warmth. The best part was that I knew he was just as eager to arrive as I was to welcome him.

But I frowned, thinking again about the crash, and the losses felt by the other families. I’d been able to keep my thoughts at bay for a few hours with Lainey around, but the grief slipped in again. Aidan was alive; blood pumping through his veins, arms ready to wrap around me, and sweet words poised to leave his mouth and enter my heart. It actually physically hurt to realize how lucky I was.

Maybe it was the impending motherhood that had me so sentimental, or maybe the looming one-year anniversary of the crash was bringing back the memories. I felt every emotion, both beautiful and tragic, so vividly now.

Desperate to find comfort in something, I slipped into my favorite t-shirt and a pair of shorts, ran a brush through my hair, grabbed a bag of M&M’s from the cupboard, and curled up on the sofa with a blanket. I opened up the bag and popped a sweet morsel into my mouth and picked up the remote. A good distraction was what I needed right now. My mind was a mix of emotions; grief for the families who lost their loved ones, anxiousness about the final weeks of pregnancy, and anticipation for Aidan’s arrival tonight. I didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry.

I scrolled through the available shows and movies on Netflix, hoping to find something that might keep my mind occupied for the next few hours. But I knew the only thing that could console and calm the muddled and disorderly thoughts in my mind was Aidan’s presence. It was like he could take a thousand fears and uncertainties and miraculously send them down an orderly and clear path, just by using his words and his touch.

I felt a tear well in my eye again, and I sunk back into the sofa, defeated.

I loved him so much. Every nerve ending within me was on fire, because I could barely wait another few hours until he got here.

But at the same time, without my consent, images of crying…sobbing families flooded my mind again. I sighed in frustration. These were moments that I’d never even witnessed, but I could picture them so clearly. I wished that I could give back the lives to the souls who were lost.

But the terrible reality of that desire to change the past, was that I knew it meant I would have never met Aidan in the way that I did. I felt guilty, living such a beautiful life of my own that resulted from the loss of life for so many others. But I wanted this life more than I knew such a want could be possible.

At the same time, I was terrified to bring a child into the world, and I had no idea how to be a mother. I was petrified that I’d fail her somehow, because she was not planned, and that she might feel like a burden when she eventually found out how she came to be.

But I wanted Raina, and Aidan, forever. And I also wanted for the plane to never have gone down.

Two conflicting wishes. An impossible ask.

It was all already set in motion. I couldn’t change it now. And I didn’t want to.

But I hated myself for feeling that way.

I looked down at my stomach and rested my hand atop it.

“Raina, you’ve gotta get outta there soon. I’m a mess.” I whispered. “Give mamma a break. I can’t even think straight.”

I stroked my belly affectionately for a while, imagining what she might say if she could respond. I couldn’t wait to cradle her in my arms.

But, Aidan’s arms around me; that was what I needed now, in this moment. He would understand. Because I knew that he felt, on a less chaotic level, the same emotions I was experiencing. He was the only other person who really _knew_ , in a way that no one else could.

I looked at the clock and saw that it would still be another four hours before he arrived. So, I turned back to the tv screen and continued to scroll. After a few moments, my hopeless, Aidan-deprived eyes finally landed on something that made me smile.

His much younger face stared back at me, behind the fierce stare of Mitchell the vampire. I smirked and bit my lip eagerly. It had been over a year since I’d watched an episode, only because ogling Aidan on my tv screen was no longer a necessary activity in my life. I had the real thing now. The real man.

But after a moment of hesitation, I pressed play and settled in for the guaranteed amusement. When Aidan appeared onscreen, looking appropriately classy with his outdated pair of sunglasses, I grinned. He was _so young_ , and I felt a strange sense of nostalgia for the days when I’d first laid eyes on him.

I laughed at George, sympathized with Annie, and enjoyed the company of all three of them for an entire episode. They were safe, they were friendly, and they lived in a world that was so unlike my own. It was my escape for an hour, and I welcomed it warmly.

When the credits rolled, I looked at the clock again to see that Aidan was still three hours away. Time was passing like molasses tonight. I yawned and pulled the blanket closer to my chin, sinking deeper into the sofa. I’d told Aidan I’d wait up for him, and I still had every intention of doing so. But half-way through the second episode, I felt my eyelids grow heavier, and shook my head, trying to keep myself awake. I just needed to make it a few more hours, to see Aidan walk through the door. I’d stayed up to wait for him before, and I always loved seeing the grin that spread across his face when he walked in.

But even as I considered how badly I wanted to stay awake, the warmth of the blanket around me, the familiar soothe of Aidan’s voice from the tv, and the weight of my eyelids won the battle, and I felt myself quickly drift from conscious.

In my dreams, Mitchell spoke to me, telling me of his struggles, and I consoled him, empathizing with his innermost battle of right versus wrong. His hazel eyes, more wounded than I remembered, stared back into mine, and he reached out to touch me.

I felt the warmth on my arm, of just a few fingers making contact. But the dream started to fade, and I was immediately reminded of the touch I’d felt so many months ago, just underneath my jaw as I’d fought for my life on the demolished plane. Just like then, I was caught in a moment between states of consciousness, when nothing is clear, but even the tiniest senses were somehow heightened.

“Hello, my love.” It was Mitchell’s voice, and for a moment, I realized I must still be dreaming, but then I felt soft lips on my forehead, and I opened my eyes.

It wasn’t Mitchell. It was Aidan. My Aidan. He sat next to me on the sofa, with a warm grin on his face as he watched me wake up.

I blinked, taking in the sight of him and his perfect, familiar face, and then as I finally came back to reality, I sprung up and flung my arms around him.

He fell backwards onto the pillow behind him at the surprise of my embrace, and he wrapped his arms around me as well, burying his face in my neck.

We laid like that for a moment; me on top of him, in the silence of our home, on the comfort of our sofa, with the promise of the weekend and the rest of our lives ahead of us.

Eventually, I lifted my head and looked at him. His eyes, like honey when the light shows through just right, watched mine with love. He smiled and pulled me down again so that he could touch his lips to mine. “I’ve missed you.”

I pressed my mouth firmly into his again, affirming my agreement. “I’m so glad you’re here.” I whispered.

He pulled his eyes away from mine for a moment and looked at the empty bag of M&M’s on the table and then at the tv screen. “Is this what you do when I’m away?”

I stole a glance at the tv as well, and saw in large white letters: _Are you still watching ‘Being Human’?_

I blushed and shook my head. “No, no, it just came up in suggestions tonight. I thought I’d have a little dose of nostalgia.”

He turned back to me and smirked. “Somehow, you’re equally ridiculous and adorable at the same time.” He paused. “And I also don’t believe you.”

I sat up and gave him a pleading look of embarrassment. “No, really! I don’t usually watch this.”

He started to laugh, and I couldn’t help but do the same. It was an absurd situation, and there was no point in arguing myself out of it. But the truth was, I’d really never spent my time watching his shows when he was gone. I was pregnant and emotional, but I wasn’t usually _this_ pathetic.

“Shall I go, so that you can continue?” He smirked, gesturing towards the door and trying to stand up.

I wrapped my arms more tightly around him, holding him down. “Don’t you dare. You’re mine now.” I kissed him again, more deeply this time.

His hands were at my hips, and then they slid up my back softly as we kissed. I felt my heartbeat slow in his presence. The world tilted back onto its axis, and the air around me felt calm again.

After a moment, he shifted and placed his hand on my stomach. “How is she? How are you feeling?”

I leaned into him, resting my head on his chest, and I placed my hand over his. “She’s fine. I’m still an emotional mess though.”

He kissed my forehead. “Anything you want to talk about?”

I looked up at him. “Maybe. But first, how was your flight?”

Aidan leaned back on the sofa and wrapped his arm around me. “Long.” He sighed. “But uneventful, I suppose. I slept a bit.”

“I wish your stay wasn’t going to be so short.” I frowned. “I hate that you have to take the flight back so soon.”

He shrugged. “It’s worth it, to be here with you. And before we know it, I’ll be back again to stay.”

“Do you still think everything will be finished by the last weekend in September?” I asked.

Aidan nodded. “My flight is booked, and I’m not changing it, so they have no choice. But yes, I think things will be wrapped up. We’re on a good pace. Luke is wrapped. So is Gabriella.”

“That’s good.” I sighed, resting my head on his shoulder and staring at the unmoving tv screen.

“So, what’s on your mind?” He asked, squeezing my arm gently.

I frowned. “Did you get your compensation check deposited?”

There was a pause before he spoke. “I did.”

I blinked for a moment, not sure how to express my feelings. “It was strange…to see it.”

I felt Aidan nod next to me. “I know.”

I swallowed. “I feel guilty.”

There was silence for another few seconds before he spoke again. “Because of the way our lives have played out since then?”

I took a deep breath. I knew he’d understand. “You know they’ve all gotten their checks too. But that’s _all_ they’ve gotten.”

Aidan took a deep breath and shifted so that he could look directly at me. “It’s the smallest bit of comfort to them, but unfortunately, it’s all that’s possible.”

“So much good has come from this…for us. It doesn’t feel right. I feel guilty being happy about it.” I frowned.

He rested his hand on my back, and then traced it up and down comfortingly. “You should never feel guilty about your own happiness.”

“Even when it’s at the expense of others?” I watched him sorrowfully.

Aidan watched me sympathetically. “We didn’t choose this. We didn’t cause the crash. I tried my darnedest to save more lives than just yours. But in the end, it was just us. We benefitted from something we had no control over.”

I gulped. “But if I could go back in time…and change…” I let out a frustrated breath. “Would I…?”

Aidan brought a finger to my lips, silencing me gently. “There is no going back in time. It’s not possible. We both very well may have chosen to save everyone on that plane, and never have met. But the beauty of this situation…for us…is that we never have to make that decision. The universe has decided it for us. Whether by chance, or by some sort of…higher intervention…” He paused. “I don’t know. But we’re here now, on the other side of it all. And there is no use pondering the what ifs. Because, ultimately, they don’t matter. We can only take steps forward. Not backward.”

I swallowed and nodded. His words were soothing and gentle, comforting and true; so very, very true. I took his hand in mine, and then I lifted it back to my lips again. I kissed the tips of each of his fingers, one by one. I didn’t want to imagine a life that he was not part of. “Thank you.” I whispered.

Aidan smiled and wrapped his fingers around mine, squeezing gently. “Come on, let’s get you back to bed. I’m knackered too.”

As we stood up, he grabbed the remote and shut off the tv. The Netflix message went bank. Aidan looked at me curiously. “I wonder what it would have been like if we’d met back then, when we were younger.” He smirked. “I was a different person then. I’m not sure you would have liked me so much.”

I wrapped my arm around his waist as we shut off the lights and walked slowly to the bedroom. “The past is the past, remember? Don’t ponder the what ifs.” I winked at him.

“Touché.” He grinned and leaned in to place a kiss on my forehead. “Right now is what really matters.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it's looking like the final chapter count will likely be 63. And I'm working REALLY hard to wrap everything up in these chapters, so it is taking me a bit longer than usual for each one. I'm being much more careful about every little bit I include, because the end is drawing near ❤️
> 
> [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/ESKcreativeworks)  
> [YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/c/eskcreative)  
> [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/eskcreative/)


	60. Nest

“It goes _where_?”

I scooted towards Aidan on the floor, holding out the detailed instructions for the crib so that he could see them. “I think A gets screwed into B…right there.” I pointed at the mess of painted wood on the floor.

Aidan furrowed his brow, looking at the instructions and then back at the progress he’d made. “But, C is in the way. Maybe I should take that one back out?” He scratched his head and touched one of the bars. “But…then this will all fall apart.”

I laughed and leaned back on my hands. “You’d think if we could build a shelter out of bamboo, then we could put together a baby crib.”

“Well, there weren’t instructions for _that_. I just made it up as I went.” Aidan stood up and leaned a finished section against the wall, and then began to unscrew one of the beams.

“Well, we have time. She won’t even sleep in it until she’s a few months old. She’ll be in our room at first, in the bassinet. And that’s already assembled.” I pointed out, smirking as I watched him work. His muscles tensed as he held the pieces together and re-fastened them with a wrench.

“I want her room to be ready for her when she arrives.” He replied simply as he successfully attached the ‘B’ piece. “There we go.”

“That looks better.” I confirmed.

Aidan stepped back to look at his work. “Yeah, I guess it’s starting to come together. What’s next?”

Looking down at the instructions again, I explained the next step, and the next, and the next, until finally the crib was fully assembled. Aidan moved it up against the wall and lowered the small mattress into the bottom.

I stood next to him and wrapped my arm around his waist. “Well, I think we’re pretty much ready. Her room is done, car seat is in your car, stocked up on plenty of diapers.” I paused and took a breath. “It’s really happening.”

Aidan turned from me without a response and headed towards the door. “We need to get your hospital bag ready, just in case.”

I smiled and followed him from the room. He was dead set on making sure everything was ready before he left the country for the final time. I had a feeling he knew he would feel helpless while he was gone, so he was determined to do as much as possible while he was here. And I couldn’t help but love him for it.

In our room, Aidan pulled one of my larger suitcases from the closet and then began opening the drawers of our dresser. “How many shirts do you think you’ll need?” He asked, digging into a drawer.

I laughed, looking at the giant suitcase. “Aidan, how long do you think I’m gonna be in the hospital?” I stepped into the closet and returned with a smaller duffle bag. “I think this will do just fine.”

Aidan looked at the bag in my hands and frowned. “Yeah, I suppose. I just…I want you to be comfortable there.”

I smiled and knelt down next to him. “I’ll be comfortable, as long as you’re there. Things are always easier when you’re around.”

Aidan frowned. “Yeah, but in this case, I doubt I’ll be able to provide any useful help. This one is all you…”

“Physically, maybe.” I concurred. “But mentally, you’ll be absolutely vital to me.”

Aidan smiled slightly, and then his phone vibrated, and he pulled it out to look at the screen. His face became irritated, and then he shoved it back into his pocket.

“What is it?” I asked.

He sighed. “The media is still abuzz about the fact that I’ll be leaving you for the last month of your pregnancy. Richard is trying to get a statement out.”

I rolled my eyes. “Seriously? Don’t they have anything better to gossip about? What a lame excuse for news.”

Aidan took the bag from me without any visible emotion, turned away, and unzipped it so that we could begin to fill it.

I watched him for a moment, thinking about the way the gossip was probably affecting him. How much more emasculating could it get, than to be accused of leaving the woman carrying his child alone when she needed him the most?

He needed me to support him, and hear him, not to brush off the topic as if it didn’t matter. I’d done that before, and it had only caused more pain.

I crawled forward and leaned into his broad back, resting my chin on his shoulder. “Let’s take a walk. We can finish this later.”

“No, we should get this done.” He replied dismissively.

“Aidan…” I said softly, kissing his shoulder. “We have the rest of tonight, and tomorrow. Let’s take a break.”

Aidan’s hands stopped moving, and I felt his shoulders rise and fall under my chin in a deep sigh.

I sensed that he had conceded, and so I retreated from him and pushed myself up from the ground.

Standing up as well, he pointed down at the bag with finality. “We’re finishing this tonight, not tomorrow.”

I smiled and nodded. “That’s fine. But let’s just have a few moments together, without these distractions. We’ve barely done anything but preparations since you’ve been here. I want to remember this weekend for other things, too. It’s possibly our last one without her.”

Aidan took a deep breath again, and then nodded. His eyes told me that he understood, and he took my hand in his as we walked through the house to the front door, and then out to the street.

There was a quaint little park just three houses down the road that we often walked in while he was in town. I spent time there alone as well when he was gone. It was private, and only accessed using the swipe of a card provided to those who were paying members. So, I felt safe there, away from prying eyes or anyone with an ill will against me.

We strolled the gravel path within the park. Large, stately oak trees created a canopy over our heads, and in the distance, you could see the LA skyline beyond the edge of the hills. Aidan’s fingers were interlaced with mine, and he walked at a slower pace than usual to respect my heavily pregnant state.

I squeezed his hand gently. “I’m sorry that the media is still finding reasons to paint you in such an ugly light.”

Aidan shrugged, looking off into the distance. “I really shouldn’t be so bothered by it.”

I picked the words in my response carefully. “Honestly, the fact that you are bothered really shows how much you care about me, and about your daughter. I think it shows a strength in you.”

He smiled just slightly, almost as if he found my comment oddly comedic, and he looked down at the ground. “Sure, you can twist it into whatever you’d like.”

I leaned into him. “I’m serious. If you didn’t care about us. You wouldn’t care about those articles.”

“I care a great deal about both of you.” He looked back up at the path in front of us. “But I still wish I could prevent the media from affecting me so easily. I’m stronger than this.”

“Well, just remember that they write these articles for a reaction…for page views, really.” I replied. “They don’t care a lick about you or me.”

“I know, I know.” He sighed.

I pursed my lips, trying to figure out how to console him without downplaying his emotions. “Can we sit?” I pointed towards a bench that overlooked the LA skyline.

He stopped immediately. “Sure, are you too tired to continue?” He looked concerned.

I smiled. “No, no, I just need a brief rest.”

We sat down on the bench, and I placed my hand his again, atop his knee. I looked across the horizon, at the thousands of buildings and streets, crisscrossing and weaving in all directions. The sky was becoming slightly dim with the onset of twilight, and so there was a faint glow of streetlights illuminating the landscape.

I laid my head on Aidan’s shoulder. “Do you remember when we’d sit on our rock, by the water, and look out at the vast sea…with not a soul in sight?”

“Mhmm…” He replied softly, easily slipping into the memory with me.

“Do you remember how no one else mattered then?” I asked. “Just you and me, and our little life together. Do you remember how simple and calming that was?”

Aidan sighed. “I do...”

I gestured towards the skyline. “There are millions of people down there, just in LA alone. The view is so different here, back in the real world. But…” I paused. “You’re still the only one that really matters to me. I can still close my eyes and remember what it felt like to not know if I’d ever see another soul again. The only promise I had ahead of me, from moment to moment, was you. And it was the most beautiful simplicity.”

I turned my head to look at Aidan, and saw that he had closed his eyes. His face was peaceful and reflective. He was listening intently to my words.

After a few seconds, he responded. “I can remember it so well.”

I smiled, knowing his mind was in a happy place, and then I closed my eyes as well. “The ocean breeze, the sound of the waves. Oh, to be there again… I almost don’t even remember the hardships anymore. Just the pleasant memories are all that come to mind.”

Aidan chuckled lightly. “Kinda strange innit? You’d think we’d remember the worst, but you’re right. My mind immediately goes to the happy memories.”

I grinned with my eyes still closed, seeing the most memorable moments vividly inside my own head. My mind immediately took me back to the times when we’d sway to the rhythm of the sound of the ocean. “I want to dance with you on the sand again.”

He turned his head to kiss the side of my forehead. “We will, my love.” He paused. “You know there are dozens of beaches in LA, right?”

I laughed. “None as private as ours.”

I felt his lips smirk against my skin. “Only the most private beaches allow for the most fun.”

I opened my eyes and turned my head to look at him. He admired me mischievously. I leaned in to kiss him softly. “And fun we did have.”

He placed his hand on my belly and looked at me with his playful, amber eyes. “Clearly, we did.”

I smiled and placed my hand on his. We watched each other for a moment, simultaneously remembering. I sighed. “Where would we be now, if we’d actually controlled ourselves, and Raina had never come to be?”

He laid his other hand on top of mine, sandwiching it between both of his. “Do you mean, would we still be together?”

I shrugged. “Well, it’s not that I doubt _that_. I feel pretty confident that we would be. But would we feel more clearly the reasons why we’ve made it this far, without a looming child to cloud our judgement?”

Aidan smiled slightly and looked down at my hand. He traced his thumb across my ring finger silently for a moment.

I watched him and wondered what he was thinking as he touched the place where a wedding ring might sit one day.

 _One day_ , if he felt the desire for such a commitment. We’d talked about it months ago, and I knew it must still be on his mind.

His touch was gentle and contemplative as he spoke. “I don’t think that Raina has clouded my judgement at all.” He said quietly, still looking at my hand. “If anything, though, she’s made me realize even more how important it is for me to become the best man I can be for the both of you.” He looked up and smiled at me. “I’m striving to be that man. But I’m still working on it.”

I blinked at him affectionately. “I appreciate that, more than I can say, but what do you still need to work on?”

He rubbed my finger again and sighed. “I can’t be here for you all the time right now, and that crushes me.” He paused. “I’ve also been a bit of an eejit recently, and especially with all the time that I’m away, I would imagine you don’t feel my support one hundred percent at this point.”

I watched him curiously, confused by his Irish slang. “First of all, what’s an eejit? And second of all, your career won’t change. You’ll be away in the future too…”

He smiled slightly. “A fool, idiot, jerk… And I know. But I’m eager to show you, once Raina is born, that I value both of you much more than anything else. I kind of feel like I have to prove that to you…before… you know…” He hesitated briefly. “Before I can be sure that you trust my intentions. Right now, we’re both a mess of emotions. I haven’t been able to think clearly in weeks. I just want to make sure that you know where my mind is, and…you know…where my mind is going. Does that make sense?” He watched me closely, gauging my response.

I smiled back at him. I loved to see his nervous side occasionally emerge. It humanized him in a way that made me appreciate him even more. He was so set on proving to me that his intentions were real. I had no reason to think otherwise, but I admired him tremendously for his effort.

I turned my hand over in his and grasped it tightly, reassuringly. “Do you know why I love you so much?”

He cocked his head to the side and laughed, sensing the lack of tension in my voice and reading my calm demeanor. And then he gazed at me with a purposeful, sarcastic smolder. “My devilishly good looks?”

I smirked and almost rolled my eyes, but his smolder was too charming, so I winked at him instead. “I mean, I’m not going to deny that it’s a major factor…”

He grinned. There was a twinkle in his eye. “Ok, but I’m sorry…yes, why do you _love me so much?_ ”

I took a short breath, trying to capture the significance of the conversation again. “Well, I _was_ going to say I appreciate how seriously you take our relationship, but your silliness just debunked my point.” I smirked again.

Aidan place his hand on my shoulder and smiled apologetically. “Sorry.”

“No, no, your silliness is also one of the reasons I love you.” I reassured him. “But I really do value the way you aren’t just jumping the gun and taking our relationship and commitment so lightly. I mean, life on that island was SO different than it is here.”

He nodded.

I continued. “And I’m glad that we’re learning how to love each other in _this_ world too.” I paused and looked at him, taking in his tender gaze, and the way he was focused intently on me. “I admire the fact that you’re taking your time to prove yourself to me… But it’s becoming more clear to me every day, that I don’t think I’ll ever _not_ want you in my life, forever.”

Aidan’s face softened even more, and the corners of his mouth turned up into a sweet, knowing smile. He leaned in and touched his lips gently to mine, before pulling away and looking at me again. “I love you, Colette.”

***

“How’s your back feeling?” Aidan asked me the next evening, as we prepared for his departure in the morning.

We’d finished everything we’d set out to do during the weekend. The crib was built, the hospital bag was packed, and Raina’s room was virtually complete. I sat on the edge of our bed, stretching my joints and rubbing my lower spine. “It’s been better…”

Aidan smiled warmly and came to sit behind me. He placed his hands on my shoulders and then began massaging near my neck, before gradually moving down my back, pressing into each muscle with his thumbs and fingers in slow, circling motions.

I let my head fall forward in submission as I let his hands do their work. My shoulders relaxed, and then the rest of my body responded the same. His touch was healing, both physically and emotionally.

“That feels nice, thanks.” I murmured as he continued. “I really need to get dinner started though…”

Aidan continued to massage. “There’s no rush. And we could order takeaway. There is no need for you to cook.”

I frowned, disappointed in myself already. “Well, we’re not going to be getting take-out every night when Raina is here. I won’t have it. I should get in the habit now, while I have the time.”

Aidan ran his hands up and down my back, and then he kissed my neck. “Don’t stress too much about it. You’re doing marvelous. You should try to stay calm for her right now.”

I sighed. “I’m just so exhausted lately. All I can think about is making sure everything is ready for her. I still want to pre-make some frozen meals, organize all of her clothes that she won’t even wear for months, clean every inch of this house, and I even ordered yarn on a whim yesterday because I’ve decided I want to knit her something.”

Aidan laughed from behind me. “That’ll be a good way to pass the time.”

I chuckled dryly. “I don’t even know how to knit.”

“I’m sure YouTube can help you.” Aidan replied, massaging a spot low on my back and sending goosebumps across my arms.

I took a deep breath. “I just feel like my mind is moving like…a mile a minute, trying to make everything perfect for her, and in turn, I’m wearing myself out. I’m in complete nesting mode.”

“Well maybe, for the rest of the evening, you need to be in complete _relaxation_ mode.” Aidan suggested, kissing my shoulder gently. “Would you like me to run you a bath?”

I smiled at the thought. The warmth of the water against my sore muscles sounded divine. “That actually sounds amazing. Thank you.”

Aidan’s hands left my back and he stood up and smiled at me. “It’s my pleasure. I’ll get it started now.”

He disappeared into the bathroom and I heard the water begin to run. I stood up from the bed and walked over to the dresser. Sitting on top of it, leaned against the mirror was the small wooden heart that Aidan had carved for me. I picked it up and ran my fingers across the smooth edges, much like I’d done when I’d held it the first time. It was the only thing we’d brough with us that had originated on the island, and it was a treasure to me. The only physical reminder of the place, apart from Aidan himself.

He was a thoughtful man, and he was driven by his emotions in ways that sometimes harmed him, but other times showed his love for me in the most tender of ways.

I placed the heart back on the dresser and then wandered into the bathroom. The large soaking tub was almost full, and an extravagant amount of bubbles covered the surface, sending an indulgent scent wafting through the room. Aidan was in the closet, folding some of the clothes in his suitcase.

I slowly removed my clothes and tied my hair back into a bun, before stepping gingerly into the warm water. It was immediately comforting and stress-reducing, just as Aidan had intended for me. I sunk down into the bubbles and leaned my neck back against a rolled-up towel at the edge of the tub. I looked down at my belly, which was now quite large. It broke the surface of the water like an island in the ocean. Raina, our island. Our escape from the world.

Aidan walked back into the room, smiled in response to my comfortable expression, and then he sat down on the floor next to the tub.

He placed his arms on the edge and rested his chin down on them, watching me. “Better?”

I smiled at him. “Better.”

He watched me for another moment, and I could see the admiration in his eyes. I loved when he looked at me this way. I could sense his love without the need for words.

He grinned, chin still resting on his arms. “You’re really beautiful, you know that?”

I blushed and looked down at my island of a stomach, chuckling. “I feel like a barn. I’m surprised I didn’t displace _all_ the water in this tub.”

Aidan didn’t smile. His eyes continued to study my face affectionately. “I’m talking about you…who you are…the person that’s on the inside. I really admire you.”

I leaned my head to the side, watching him silently. His hazel eyes were unwavering. I couldn’t believe I’d have to say goodbye to him for another month. I just wanted him close to me. I could already feel the impending sting of his departure.

I lifted my wet, soapy hand from the water and placed on his. “You’re too far away. Come. Join me.”

He blinked and smiled. “Are you sure? You look so relaxed. I’ll just make it more cramped in there.”

I squeezed his hand. “I need you close to me.”

He smiled warmly and leaned his face down to kiss my hand, and then he stood up and stripped off his clothing, tossing it all to the side. I watched him languidly, completely at ease in the tranquility of the warm water.

“Scoot forward.” He motioned to me gently.

I obliged and he climbed in behind me, displacing the water even more and causing some of it to slosh up the sides, almost out onto the floor. He rested his legs on either side of me and I slowly slid back into him, resting my back against his chest and my head on his shoulder.

Aidan groaned in approval of the warm, soothing water.

“Good stuff?” I smiled, letting my body relax completely against him.

“Mhmmm…” He murmured, linking his fingers with mine. “You comfortable?”

I nodded and turned to kiss the side of his chin. “Yes, much better.”

We sat silently for a few moments, letting the stress flow from our bodies. I wasn’t sure where his mind was, but in mine, I was thinking about how I’d spend the next few weeks without him. I’d keep myself busy, to make the days pass more quickly. And I was sure that, even though Aidan would be extremely busy with filming, he was worried that time wouldn’t pass fast enough for him either.

But we were here, now, in this tub, pressed against each other, and I would hang on to the joy of the present for now, before reality would strike again.

Aidan’s knees were bent, and they breached the surface of the water just like my stomach did. I traced my fingers across the dark, wet hairs that covered his leg until I found the raised scar from his accident.

“Does it bother you at all anymore?” I asked quietly.

He raised his head and looked down at my hand. “Hmm?”

“The scar.” I clarified. “Does it ever hurt anymore?”

“Not at all.” He replied, resting his head back again.

I continued to trace my finger across the jagged line. My quick stitching had been incredibly crude that day on the beach.

I frowned. “That’s good to hear. Because whenever I see it, I just remember how much pain you were in…and the mouthwash…” I shuddered.

“It certainly wasn’t the most pleasant experience.” He replied quietly. “But you did a good job with it. I don’t think I was even in a state of mind to have considered the mouthwash.”

I leaned my head back against his shoulder again, thinking about the ordeal. I remembered the grimace on his face, and the horrifying sounds that came from his throat as he endured the pain. But I was so glad that my mind had been sharp enough to come up with the idea. With the lack of water and food, perception and cognition had sometimes grown fuzzy, but when I’d been presented with the task of saving his life, everything had snapped into focus. And because of that focus, and the love that had fueled it, we were both still here today. Because of that focus, Raina existed.

Aidan lifted his hand from the water and placed it on my stomach. “So, what are you going to knit for her?”

I smirked, finding it amusing that he was interested. “Well, I was thinking a blanket, but that would probably take too long, and then I thought maybe a little jacket, but that sounds complicated.” I paused and then smirked. “Maybe I’ll make her a pot holder…”

“Oh, she’ll have lots of use for that.” Aidan replied with sarcastic laughter.

I turned myself around half-way to look at him and grinned. “You think?” I winked.

He smiled. “What about a hat? That couldn’t be too hard.” He suggested. “What color yarn did you buy?”

“Pink.”

“A little pink hat…” He mused. “I think you can do it.”

“Your confidence is encouraging.” I grinned. “I guess I’d better have that hat ready by the time you return.” I replied, looking up into his eyes.

He smirked cheekily. “I expect perfection.”

I leaned up to kiss him softly. “You might be disappointed.”

His eager mouth brushed against mine, and he laughed as just the tip of his tongue teased my bottom lip. “I’ve never been disappointed in you.”

I smiled against him, moving my hand to his neck and sinking deeper into the kiss.

His lips danced with mine in an exchange of mutual longing, but after a moment, he broke away and looked closely into my eyes. “Do you promise you’ll be ok while I’m gone? I can’t believe I have to leave you like this…”

I gazed back at him with sentiment, thinking not just about the coming month, but also about the countless inevitable times in the future when he’d be away again. “I promise. As long as you’ll always come back to me.”

He took my face gently in his warm, wet hands, and looked straight at me. “I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❤️❤️❤️  
> This is your three chapter warning... It is bittersweet for me, but I can't wait to wrap up this story for you all and show you how I've envisioned it to end since the very beginning. The final chapter is going to be ❤️❤️❤️. But first, a tiny, precious little girl has to make her appearance ❤️
> 
> Also, bear with me on the next few chapters, because while I am the same age as Colette, I have never been pregnant or gone through labor, so I will try to make it as realistic as possible without having had the experience myself 🤣
> 
> [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/ESKcreativeworks)  
> [YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/c/eskcreative)  
> [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/eskcreative/)


	61. Early

“You’re still perfectly on track, Colette.” My doctor assured me as she hung her stethoscope around her neck.

It was a Saturday afternoon, fifteen days before my due date, and my appointments now came weekly. This would likely be my second to last visit before Raina would make her arrival.

“So, the cramps…you don’t think they’re anything to worry about?” I asked nervously, sitting up on the exam table.

She smiled. “Occasional cramps are normal towards the end of a pregnancy. They’re just Braxton Hicks contractions. They’re very common in the third trimester.” She paused. “Now, if they get any worse, then there is a chance that she might come early, but she appears to be on track.”

I frowned and looked down at my belly. “She’d better not come early.”

The doctor sat down on her stool and began writing down some notes. “Even if she decided to come today, she would be fine. You’re almost full term.”

My eyes widened. “No, no. She can’t come yet. Aidan is still in England.”

She looked up at me. “Don’t worry, honey. You don’t look like you’re going into labor any time soon. Things do change from day to day though. When will he be back?”

I clasped my hands in front of me nervously. “Thursday.”

“That’s five days from now?” She counted, on her fingers doing the math.

I nodded.

She smiled. “I would be extremely surprised if she came before then. Just keep your activity levels low, but healthy, and try to keep your stress levels down. She still has some growing to do.”

I sighed nervously, but I trusted the doctor’s opinions more than I trusted my own fears.

She stood up to shake my hand. “Is there anything else I can answer for you today?”

I shook my head and stepped off of the exam table.

“Your next appointment is scheduled for Friday. It might be your last one. You’re doing wonderful, Colette.”

I smiled and thanked her as she led me towards the door.

I left the building and climbed into Aidan’s black BMW. It was very much like the one he’d rented when we first arrived back in LA, but this one, he owned. He had purchased it a few months ago when he’d bought the house, and he let me drive it while he was away. It was luxurious and it was fast. Both were foreign concepts to me. I hadn’t owned a car during the time that I’d lived in LA, and even if I had, it wouldn’t have been nearly as extravagant.

I sat in the driver’s seat and stretched my back. There was a slight, tense pain in my torso, which had come and gone for the last few days. I knew it wasn’t uncommon, just as the doctor had confirmed, but it still worried me.

I pulled out my phone and sent a voice call request to Aidan. As I held the phone up to my ear, I heard his voice, rich and smooth, on the other side.

“Hi, love. How was the appointment?”

I smiled at the sound of him. “It went well. Everything is still on track, apparently.”

“And the pains you’ve been having?”

“Textbook Braxton Hicks apparently.” I sighed. “Completely normal.”

He let out a breath of relief. “Good. That’s good. I’m glad.” But I could still hear the tension in his voice that he could not fully hide from me.

“Yeah, so my next appointment is on Friday. So, you’ll be able to join me for that one.”

“Cool. Yeah, that’ll be good.” He paused anxiously. “How are you feeling now?”

“I’m fine.” I half lied, not wanting to worry him with my own suspicions. “Just a few pains here and there. Nothing has changed since yesterday.”

“Well, please just take it easy.” He said quietly.

“You know I do.” I replied. “They’ve been piling a lot more onto me at work. But I think they’re just trying to squeeze the last little bit out of me before Tuesday.”

Weeks ago, Aidan and I had talked about the possibility that I should not go back to work after Raina was born. Neither of us really liked the idea of a nanny, and Aidan made more than enough money to support us both, even with a baby added to the picture. We talked about the pros and cons for hours and days, until I eventually made the tough decision to put in my two-week’s notice.

I wasn’t terribly keen on the idea of being income-less, when Aidan and I weren’t actually married, and I had a child to raise. He had no legal obligation to me other than the child support he’d be required to pay if we were no longer together. But with the safety net of the compensation check I received, and the trust I had in Aidan to support us and not leave us out in the cold, I decided that ultimately, it would be the best decision for all of us if I left my job. I’d be able to travel more easily with Raina while he was filming for various projects, she’d see her father much more often, and she’d see me much more often too.

Tuesday would be my last day in the office, and my manager was determined to get as much of my work through the pipeline as possible. Plus, I was also in charge of training my replacement. My hours at work were not exactly stress-free lately, but at home, I could allow myself to relax.

“What are you and Lainey up to tonight?” Aidan asked.

“She’s with Josh right now, but she should be headed back soon, and I think we’ll just have a movie night. What are you up to?”

“Headed to dinner with Heida and Jack tonight.” He replied. “I’m just counting down the days and hours at this point. I feel like I’m buzzing all the time. I can’t wait to be there with you again, and I can’t wait to meet our daughter. I can’t focus on much else.”

I smiled out the window of the stationary car, feeling the exact same way. “She’s going to love you so much.” I paused for a moment, accepting the feelings deep inside of me. “I’m getting nervous. I really need you here with me. I don’t like how close we’re cutting it.”

“I know…” He sighed. “But I’ll be there soon. It’ll all be ok. Just like the doctor said, you’re right on track. I’ll arrive in a few days, and we’ll do this together.”

I nodded my head, even though I knew he couldn’t see me. “Just hearing your voice makes me feel better.”

“I’m right here, my love. I’ll always be here to talk. That doesn’t change when I’m thousands of miles away.”

“Thank you.” I replied quietly.

“Of course.” He paused. “Hey, I have to head to dinner. But I’ll call you later before I turn in for the night. Enjoy your movie.”

“Ok, enjoy your dinner. Tell Heida and Jack that I say hello.”

“Will do. I love you.” His tone was quick but sincere.

“I love you too.” I sighed in response, before reluctantly hanging up.

***

On Wednesday evening, I sat at the kitchen counter, licking the last bit of the black cherry ice cream from my spoon. I sighed and let it fall with a clank into the bowl in front of me.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I breathed through a minor cramping sensation in my stomach.

 _It’s just more Braxton Hicks contractions._ I told myself. _Perfectly normal. Nothing to worry about._

I was eleven days from my due date, and ever since my appointment on Saturday, to my relief, the cramping in my stomach had all but disappeared…until now.

The pains were random tonight, occurring once every hour or so, and very similar to the ones I’d felt prior to the weekend. The fact that they were so similar to the ones I’d spoken to my doctor about was why I wasn’t too nervous. It was odd that they had disappeared for multiple days and then came back, but surely false labor pains, such as Braxton Hicks could come and go?

The one saving grace to my nerves was that Aidan was about to board a plane this evening, and he’d be landing at LAX in the morning. As far as I was concerned, as soon as he was here, Raina could arrive whenever she wanted. But I’d been twiddling my thumbs all week with anxiety, waiting for Thursday morning to come.

I pushed the empty bowl away from me and rubbed my stomach. “Hang on a bit longer, Raina.” I whispered, licking the rest of the ice cream from my lips. I’d hoped that something sweet and cool would distract me from my worries, and it had, for a little while, but now that I was finished, I was ready to look for a new diversion.

Right on time, Lainey walked through the door. She threw her bag over a chair and smiled at me. “How was your day?”

I shrugged. “It was fine. Weird not going to work though.” I frowned, feeling a bit sad that my final day in the office had passed, and remembering the goodbyes I’d had to give my coworkers. I looked back up at Lainey. “You’re home early. Did you have a nice time with Josh?”

She grabbed a bowl of her own and pulled the ice cream from the freezer. “Yeah, we just did dinner. I need to get some sleep tonight. I’m exhausted.” She scooped a few dollops into her bowl and then pulled up a stool across from me. “Isn’t Aidan boarding his flight soon?”

I nodded and looked down at my phone. It was 8:15pm. “Yes, he’s supposed to take off at 9, so he should be calling me any moment now.”

“When will he land?”

“8am.” I replied, just as my phone began to vibrate on the counter. “Told ya.” I smirked at Lainey as I picked it up.

“Hey.” I grinned as I held the phone to my ear and stood up from the counter, making my way to our bedroom.

“Hey, _you_.” Aidan replied in a cheerful tone. I could tell he was smiling too. “I’m about to board.”

I sat down cross legged on the bed and bit my lip eagerly. “I don’t know how I’m going to wait the next twelve hours to see you…”

“Well, you’ll go to sleep soon, and the next thing you know, I’ll be walking through that door.” His voice was reassuring, but I knew he was gearing himself up for the next twelve hours too, and they would surely pass much more slowly for him.

“Did you sleep at all during the night?” I asked, because I knew it was not even 5am yet in London.

“A little, but I’m sure I’ll sleep some more on the plane.”

“Were they sad to see you go?” I asked, referring to the cast and crew who he’d said goodbye to less than twenty-four hours ago.

“Yeah, it’s always hard to wrap on a project, but before we all know it, we’ll be starting the fourth series.”

“Not so fast, Mister.” I scolded him playfully. “You’ve got many, many glorious months with your new daughter ahead of that.”

“And with you…” He added gently. “I can’t wait…and I can’t wait to meet her either.”

“She’s coming soon…” I replied quietly.

He was silent for a moment before he spoke again. “Have you been in any more pain lately?”

I bit my lip. I didn’t really want to worry him, but I also didn’t want to lie. I took a breath. “A few cramps this evening…but nothing worse than before.” I added quickly.

“This is the first time you’ve had them since last week, right?” His voice was laced with concern. “They’ve started again? Are they happening often?”

“No, no…still very random, like before. I don’t think it’s anything to worry about. She’s just getting anxious in there. Anxious for her dad to get here. Is the flight boarding yet?” I asked, trying to keep the topic light.

“Um…yes, it looks that way.” He paused and sighed. “Oh, by the way, this flight has no WIFI. I about lashed out at the gate attendant when I heard that news.”

I frowned, feeling anxious about the fact that I wouldn’t get any updates from him for the duration of the flight. “Well that’s…unfortunate.”

“Tell me about it…. Are you sure you’re ok? Lainey is there?”

“Yes, Lainey’s here. I’m fine, Aidan. Don’t miss your flight. I’ll be all cozy in bed when you get here, and then we’ll have a bit of breakfast and relax.”

He was silent again on the other end for a few seconds, and then he responded. “Ok, get some rest. I love you Colette.”

“Have a safe flight. I love you too.” I replied, not wanting to take the phone from my ear; not wanting to begin the inevitable fretting that always developed within me whenever he was on a plane. I just wanted him home. Our home. Together.

But I lowered the phone and ended the call. Another cramp creeped gently into my stomach and I squeezed my eyes shut. I was glad that the pain had stayed at bay during my call with Aidan.

I looked at the time. It had been approximately thirty minutes since the last time I felt one. I furrowed my brow. Sooner than before, but still not completely out of the norm in comparison to what I’d experienced last week.

When the pain passed, I stood up from the bed and made my way back out to the kitchen. Lainey was washing our bowls in the sink, humming happily to herself.

“So, good date with Josh, I assume?” I smiled at her.

She turned around and grinned. “He’s…he’s really perfect…I can’t get enough of him.”

I grabbed a dish towel and came to stand next to her, taking the wet bowls and drying them carefully. “It’s the best feeling, isn’t it?”

“It’s like nothing else.” She paused and looked longingly into the distance. “I want his babies…”

“Be careful what you wish for.” I chuckled.

She turned to me and placed her hand on my stomach, laughing at my joke. “I can’t imagine any other scenario for you and Aidan. It’s like you were destined for this.”

I raised an eyebrow with the bowl in my hands. “Destined, maybe. Ready and capable? The results are still pending there.”

“Raina is a very lucky girl to have the two of you.” Lainey said gently. “Parents who literally survived a deserted island. She’s gonna be the coolest kid in school.”

I looked at her with appreciation. “Thanks Lainey.”

We smiled at each other for a moment, connected by the strong friendship that we’d known for years. I couldn’t imagine anyone else holding the special place in my heart that she did. And I knew that it would surely last a lifetime.

I finally stepped away to put the bowls back in the cupboard, and then I yawned and looked at the clock. It was 9pm. Aidan’s flight should be taking off now. “I think I’m gonna head to bed before I start fretting about Aidan. Or else I’ll never fall asleep.”

“I hope you sleep well. Have you had any more pain?”

I waved her off as I walked away. “Not much. I’m alright.”

“Ok, well, let me know if you need anything. I’ll be up for a bit still.”

“Thanks Lainey, goodnight.” I smiled, before leaving the room.

I changed, brushed my teeth, and then climbed into bed. I splayed myself out in the center of the mattress, like I tended to do when Aidan was away. If I couldn’t cuddle up next to him, then I would at least take advantage of the large bed.

I closed my eyes and smiled. In the morning, he would finally be here, and then we would begin this next stage of our lives, together, with our daughter.

But for now, I needed to rest. I needed to sleep before my mind had the chance to start worrying about Aidan on the plane, or the random cramps in my abdomen. Luckily, I was exhausted, like I often was these days. Growing a baby was hard work, and my body needed more rest than usual. I slowly felt myself drift from consciousness, with images of a tiny baby girl to lull me there peacefully.

***

My eyes flew open from a deep and dreamless sleep. It was almost as if I hadn’t fallen asleep at all, but I blinked quickly, looking around the room. It was pitch black and I looked at the clock next to the bed. It was 3:02am. I furrowed my brow, trying to figure out why I had woken so abruptly.

And then the pain hit.

Tight, tense pain in my stomach, like cramps that came with my monthly cycle, except stronger. Those never woke me from my sleep, and neither had the Braxton Hicks contractions.

I scrunched my face and took a deep breath. This pain was different, and I could feel that my entire body was tense and on edge, like it knew it needed to prepare for something. I let out a whoosh of air, pushing myself up into a sitting position.

As quickly as it came, the pain disappeared. I rested my head back against the headboard and sat as still as I could, not wanting to consider the reasoning for the pain. I stared at the wall on the other side of the room, barely breathing. Aidan was still on a plane, and would be for the next 5 hours, plus at least another hour to drive home from the airport.

I gulped.

 _No._ I shook my head. _Nope. This is not happening._

I rubbed the palms of my hands across my stomach, trying to regulate my breathing. I was still ten days from my due date. The doctor said I was right on schedule. I needed him here with me. I couldn’t do any of this without him.

_No. These are just more false pains. Surely, it’s nothing._

And then another cramp began.

I looked at the clock. 3:15.

It had been just _thirteen minutes._

My eyes widened and then I squeezed them shut again, fighting through the cramp…no, the _contraction_. This was a contraction.

“No, no, no…” I whispered to myself as it subsided again. “This is _not_ happening.”

I watched the clock for another thirteen and a half minutes until another one hit just as strong as the first two.

My heartrate began to increase, and I felt myself begin to sweat. This was not supposed to be how it happened. Aidan was supposed to be close by, and he’d hold my hand through the whole ordeal. He’d been with me when I’d been starving. He’d been with me when I was violently throwing up; both when I’d been poisoned by the coconut, and when I’d been fighting morning sickness. He’d always been with me.

And now, in this moment when I needed him more than ever, even just to talk me through my symptoms and decide what action to take next, I couldn’t even so much as call him. All I could do was wait for him to land…many, many hours from now.

I threw the covers off of me and climbed out of bed, pacing back and forth. I could barely admit it to myself, but, if I really _was_ in labor, and if Aidan’s flight was on time, I estimated that he could probably make it to the hospital in about six hours. Was it possible that Raina could be born before then? I looked at myself in the mirror and took a deep breath. It was possible, but not likely. I smoothed my misplaced hair on my head and stared at myself, trying to ignite the motivation that I knew I needed.

I looked at the door. _Should I wake Lainey?_ I placed my hands on my hips and turned to check the clock. Twelve minutes had passed. I waited patiently, hoping again that it was just a false alarm.

Standing still, all I could hear was my own breathing as I waited for the seconds to pass. They flowed like molasses as I anticipated the pain again. And, just as I’d expected, another contraction came, right on time.

I placed my hands on the bed and leaned over, wincing and breathing through the pain

“This is not… _freaking_ …happening…” I said into the empty room. I looked at my blank phone and frowned. I wanted to call Aidan so badly. But of course, of all the flights he’d taken, this was the one that didn’t have WIFI.

I picked up my phone and pulled up our messages. It was worth a try.

_Any chance you’re connected to the internet and can see this? -C_

I crawled back into bed and laid down, placing my phone on my chest and closing my eyes. I had to be strong, and I had to be calm. If I could reduce my stress, maybe Raina would settle down and wait a bit longer.

And then the pain seared in my abdomen again and I rolled over on my side.

_Nope. This is actually happening._

I looked at my phone and saw no response from Aidan, so I stood up from the bed and shuffled my way out to the living room, flipping on the lights as I went. I needed water, I needed to keep walking, and I needed the clock to move faster. It was now just past 4am.

I opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water, twisting the cap loose and taking a drink. I placed my hand on my back and stretched, trying to ease some of the tension.

Just then, the door to Lainey’s room opened, and she came padding down the hallway in her pajamas, squinting into the light.

“What’s going on? Is everything ok?” She asked, rubbing her eyes.

I took another swig. “Nope.” I sighed with exasperation. “I think I’m in labor.”

Lainey’s hand dropped from her face and she looked at me with wide eyes. “You….wait…you _what_?”

I ran my hand through my hair, staring at her in shock myself. “I’m not even kidding.”

Lainey was standing still at the entrance to the kitchen, gaping at me. “You’re having contractions?”

“Yep.” I gritted my teeth, waiting for the next one.

“Oh my God, Colette…” She blinked and looked around. “What can I do? How far apart are they?”

“About 11 minutes.”

She looked at the clock. “When does Aidan land?”

“8am if he’s lucky.” I squeezed my eyes shut as another contraction came. “And that’s just touchdown.” I murmured through clenched teeth. “He’ll be at least another hour after that to get anywhere.”

I felt Lainey’s hand on my back, comforting me as I breathed through the pain.

“Can you call Aidan? Does he have WIFI on the plane?” She asked.

“The flight doesn’t have it.”

“Have you called your mom?”

“It’s 4am…” I groaned. “I don’t want to wake her up… Maybe this will all turn out to be nothing.”

“I’m calling your mom.” Lainey said with finality, turning to go get her phone.

“Lainey…no, it’s too early.” I pleaded.

“You sit down and rest.” She pointed at me. “Don’t worry about anything.”

I frowned and slumped down on the sofa. When I’d pictured this moment, over and over in my head, I’d been alone with Aidan. I’d feel my first contraction and then we’d be excited and nervous together. He’d give me one of his magical back massages, and we’d count the minutes together, until he finally drove me to the hospital.

But this was a complete mess. Lainey was now in charge of the logistics, and we had to wake my parents up in the middle of the night, when they could have been sleeping peacefully. And on top of it all, Aidan was somewhere thousands of miles away, completely oblivious to it all. I felt completely helpless, and my emotions were beginning to bubble to the surface.

Lainey came out of her room a few moments later. “Ok, you mom is on her way.”

I dropped my head to my hands, feeling a sob emerge from my throat. “This is not how this was supposed to happen…”

Lainey sat down next to me and placed her hand on my knee. “Colette…” She said gently. “Aidan is going to be here in a few hours, and most likely, he is going to make it in time. Don’t stress too much.”

I shook my head, blinking the tears from my eyes. “He’s should be here for this part too. I need him here with me…”

“But he isn’t. And it’s gonna be ok. Your mom and I are here for you. Right now, you have to focus on Raina. She is ready, Colette, whether you like it or not. You have to be strong for her.”

I wiped the wetness from my cheeks and took a deep breath. She was right. I may have felt like I only had Aidan to depend on, but most importantly, Raina was depending on me in this moment. I was truly all she had.

Another contraction hit and I closed my eyes, gripping the pillow next to me. This one was stronger than the last.

Lainey began to type into her phone. “4:21. Ok, I’m going to keep track of how far apart and how long your contractions are.”

I opened my eyes just barely to look at her. She was watching me with concern. She was the loyal friend I never knew I deserved. As the last wave of pain subsided, I smiled just slightly. “Thank you, Lainey.”

“Of course, that’s why I’m here.” She smiled back at me. “Is your hospital bag packed? You also need to call your doctor.”

I nodded. “Bag is packed. Aidan made sure of that before he left.”

I picked up my phone and dialed my doctor, hoping to get the conversation out of the way before the pain returned.

Four contractions later, my mother came flying through the door.

“Colette… Oh honey…how are you feeling?” She placed her hands on my cheeks and looked me in the eyes.

“I’m ok, Mom. I just wish Aidan were here.” I rubbed my stomach, savoring the short moment free of pain. There was less and less time now between contractions.

“He will be, sweetheart. He will be. Just think if this had happened yesterday and he was trying to find a flight last minute… But he’s already in the air. He’ll be here soon.”

I smiled at my mother’s words. She always knew how to make me feel better about a tough situation.

“How far apart are your contractions?” She asked.

“9 minutes.” Lainey answered from the kitchen. “And they’re lasting 30 seconds.”

“Thanks Lainey,” I called back to her, smiling for a moment. She was on top of it. That was her way.

It was past 5am, and I paced back and forth while my mother was already going through my hospital bag, checking to make sure we hadn’t forgotten anything. “So, if they’re 9 minutes apart, and you’re progressing nice and steadily, then I think you still have a few hours before you’ll be ready to head into the hospital.”

Just as she spoke, another contraction seared through me, and I felt it deep in my back and down the muscles in my legs. This one was much stronger than the last one.

“Aaarghhh…” I moaned, gripping the table in front of me. “Owwww….”

The pain continued as if it wouldn’t let up. I breathed in through my nose and out through my mouth as I swayed in front of the table and for a moment, I thought maybe it would never end.

But when it finally did and I stood up straight again, Lainey spoke. “That one was 43 seconds.”

I looked at my mother with concern.

She tightened her lips, and then smiled lightly. “You’re doing wonderful, honey. Keep it up.”

I began to pace again, thinking about what the doctor had told me on the phone. _Stay at home until the contractions were five minutes apart. They should last about 30 seconds during this stage._

I wondered why this last one had been so abruptly long, and I closed my eyes, trying not to panic. But before I had much of a chance to calm myself, my abdomen tightened again, and I groaned, gripping a chair with white knuckles.

“Ahhh…this hurrrts…” I contorted my face in response to the surprising intensity of pain. “This is SO much worse than the last one…”

I felt my forehead sweating, and as the pain subsided, it was replaced by an uncomfortable nausea. I rested my head down on the back of the chair.

“Colette, that one was only 6 minutes since the last.”

I lifted my head and stared at Lainey, wide eyed. “What?” I breathed.

She nodded, just as shocked as I was.

“No, no, no…” I pleaded again, looking at the clock. “He doesn’t even land for more than two hours.”

My mother stepped towards me and rubbed her hand up and down my back. “Colette. None of this is up to you. She’s going to make her entrance as quickly or as slowly as she’s ready. There is nothing you can do about the plane. You have to let it go.”

I clenched my fists. “I am NOT having this baby without him.”

“You’re going to have this baby when she’s ready, and it’s all going to be ok.” My mother replied with gentle sternness. “You’re doing great, Colette. You’re still able to talk through your contractions. You’ve got plenty of time still.

I paced back and forth with my hands on my hips. I had no choice but to accept my reality. “Ok, ok, so what do I do now?”

“Just relax. Keep drinking. Try to keep your stress levels down for her sake.” My mother responded, handing me a bottle of water.

For the next forty-five minutes, my contractions came about every six minutes, becoming stronger each time. The pain was becoming exhausting, but not yet unbearable. I continued to check my phone every few minutes to see if Aidan had responded, but each time, I was met with a blank screen.

“Do you think we could call the airline? Could they let him know?” I breathed heavily between contractions.

Lainey sat down beside me. “They probably couldn’t do anything about it. And besides, do you really want him stressing when nothing can be done about the situation? You’ll be able to tell him as soon as he lands.”

I nodded and contorted my face as another wave of pain overtook me. “I need to walk. I need to walk….” I moaned as I stood up.

Lainey helped me to my feet and supported me as I paced slowly around the room. “You’re doing great, Colette.” She reassured me, stopping as I leaned into another contraction.

It felt like someone had an iron grip on the inside of my abdomen, and tried my best to breathe deeply and evenly, but I was having trouble hanging on to any sense of calm I may have managed before.

The pain was intense and driving. It wasn’t the cool, blue, mild tension of last night. It was becoming hot, red, and urgent. I didn’t want it to get worse. I knew it would. But I wasn’t sure I was ready to bear it.

And then I suddenly felt a warmth trickle down the inside of my leg, and I looked down to see a pool of wetness forming on the floor beneath me.

Lainey saw it, and so did my mother, who stood up quickly but steadily. “Ok, Colette, honey.” Her voice was tense. “It’s time to go into the hospital now.”

I looked up at the clock. 6:10. Then I looked at her with wide eyes. “What? No. Not yet.” I felt a lump in my throat again. I couldn’t bear to think I’d be checking into the hospital _without_ Aidan. He’d missed so much already.

“Yep, let’s go, Colette. You’ve got this.” Lainey handed me a towel from the kitchen and took my hand, guiding me to the door.

My mother picked up my hospital bag and gestured for me to follow her as well.

I looked at them both defiantly. My chest heaved up and down. There was something about submitting to the idea of actually checking in at the hospital without him that frightened me. It would mean that I’d fully accepted the reality.

But I knew reality faced me right in face, and it was now time to bring Raina into the world. Everything was about to change. The endless hours that both Aidan and I would spend with her during her lifetime were so much more important than these next few, during which he might be absent. If he had any idea what was happening right now, he would be telling me to push ahead and stay strong for her. I could feel him encouraging me in spirit. I had to continue forward.

At the same time as I mentally composed myself, another contraction hit me like a truck, and I leaned forward, grabbing Lainey’s shoulders for support. “Ok…ok…” I moaned. “Let’s go...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Weird week, huh? 😉😄
> 
> Well, Aidan and Colette are full speed ahead still, and now I'm feeling all sentimental and sappy about the fictional character, and ALSO the real man himself. ❤️
> 
> 2 chapters to go! A lot of VERY important moments are right on the horizon 🥰
> 
> [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/ESKcreativeworks)  
> [YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/c/eskcreative)  
> [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/eskcreative/)


	62. Raina

“So, she’s decided to come early, has she?” My doctor walked into my hospital room with a pep in her step and a grin on her face, holding a clipboard.

I glared mildly at her from my hospital bed, feeling dismayed by her nonchalance. I’d trusted her professional opinion when she’d assured me that my pregnancy was on track, but now here I was, in full-fledged labor, 10 days early.

But there was nothing to be done about it now, and I didn’t have time or the energy to be angry with her. She’d estimated the best that she could, and no estimation was ever perfect. So, I held my tongue.

My mother sat next to me, stroking my arm and feeding me ice chips as I endured the contractions, which were now four minutes apart and lasting almost a full minute. We’d left an anxious Lainey in the waiting area. Only family was allowed in the labor and delivery room.

She’d held my hand tightly before I was wheeled back. “You’ve got this. I know you’ll do wonderful. I CAN’T WAIT to meet her.” She’d told me with the deepest sentiment as they rolled me away from her.

Here in the birthing room, my abdomen clenched again, and I leaned my head forward and grimaced, trying to focus my energy on breathing, and not tensing, just as I’d been taught in preparation for today.

“How much…longer…do you think I have?” I groaned in the direction of the doctor.

“Well, let’s see how you’re doing here.” She sat down at the foot of the bed and began the process of checking my dilation. “Ok, you’re 5 centimeters.” She said after a moment. “You’re progressing at a nice steady pace, but it will most likely still be a few more hours. You’re doing great.”

I looked up at the clock. It was 7am. And then I looked back at the doctor. ‘Like, 2 hours, or 5 hours?”

She smiled. “There is no way to know for sure. We’ll keep an eye on things, but you’re very much in active labor now. The course is set.”

Another contraction overcame me like a wave, and I groaned this time. The groan was an audible exclamation of an overwhelming sense of uncertainty, and also an exhaustion that had no reprieve.

The doctor waited patiently for the pain to subside and then smiled gently at me.

I glared at her again. She seemed to love to smile, despite the fact that I felt like my entire body was on fire.

“So, have you given more thought to an epidural?” She asked.

I shook my head. “No epidural. If I can survive almost four months on a deserted island, I can deliver a baby in a few hours.”

My mother squeezed my arm gently beside me as the doctor spoke again. “That’s wonderful motivation, Colette. Keep up that mindset. I’ll be back in a bit to check on you.”

She turned and left the room.

“I’m really proud of you.” My mother said when we were alone. “I didn’t go natural with you or your sister. You’re stronger than I ever was.”

“I’ve been through too much to give in now.” I replied through gritted teeth. “I want her to know that I’ve done my best to give her the most natural entrance into this world.”

“She’s going to be so proud of you too.” My mother said gently.

I pressed my palms into the bed as another contraction began. I was unable to contain my tension this time. “Oh my Goddddd…but are these ever going to end?” I moaned. I barely had a chance to calm my nerves between them at this point.

“You’re just getting started, honey.” My mother rubbed my shoulder. “But you’re doing wonderfully.”

I groaned again and threw my arm over my eyes as the pain receded. With each contraction, I grew more exhausted and more unable to endure the pain without panicking. My body was working hard, but my brain was struggling. I knew it would only continue to get worse, and I was torn between wishing it would progress more quickly, so that I could come out on the other side of the pain, and also wishing it would slow down and drag out longer so that Aidan could make it in time.

“Where’s Dad?” I asked, breathing hard, realizing that I hadn’t seen my father yet.

“He’s gone to the airport to pick Aidan up as soon as he lands.”

I turned towards her quickly. “Really?”

She smiled. “Yes, he’s trying to see if he can get Aidan off of the plane as quickly as possible, and also have his bags held for him.”

I let out a long breath, covering my face with my hand. “I can’t even imagine how he’s going to react when he lands and finds out what’s happening…”

She held the cup of ice chips to me again. “It’s ok, honey, just focus on yourself right now. Your father will take care of Aidan. He’ll get him here safely. We’re only twenty minutes from the airport.”

I looked at her curiously as I felt another contraction just around the corner. “Only twenty minutes?” A sense of calm washed over me, deeply contrasting the painful physical tension that was already present. For some reason, I’d thought the airport was much further away.

_Only twenty minutes._

But first he had to land. I knew that as soon as the news made it to him, he’d push his way off that plane and get to me as fast as he could. I knew he would panic, and I wished he didn’t have to, but I couldn’t blame him. I’d be the same way in his shoes.

The contraction snuck in like a swelling wave, and I let out a low groan. I was becoming unable to control my vocalizations anymore. Each contraction made it harder and harder to endure the next. The moans that left my mouth came from a place within me which I had no control over.

And as the pain subsided, I reached for my mother’s hand. “I’m exhausted…” I breathed heavily.

She smiled sympathetically and brushed a strand of sweaty hair from my forehead. I blinked at the ceiling, knowing it was a matter of minutes before the next one would hit, and I could barely believe I was expected to continue to endure this.

Another half-hour of agony passed, and somehow, my discomfort had increased even more dramatically. My back ached intensely even between the contractions, and I felt as though I now had no break from the pain whatsoever.

I felt myself begin to shake. It was actually starting to become too much.

My doctor came through the door again, sliding a glove onto her hand. “Ok Colette, how are we doing? Let’s see how you’ve been progressing.”

She performed another dilation check and then smiled at me again. “You’re 7 centimeters. Right where you should be. You’re getting close to the finish line and doing a wonderful job.”

Another contraction began before I could respond, and the world now seemed to disappear from my reality as these pains overtook me. All I could focus on was not losing my mind, and not shouting off-color words at the innocent others in the room with me.

“Arghhhhhh….owwww…it hurts soooo…..BAD....” I moaned.

As I quieted, my doctor spoke again. “Colette, I know you’re a strong woman…and you’re doing great. But I just wanted to remind you than an epidural is still an option, should you change your mind. There is no shame in that.”

My teeth started to chatter as I spoke. “No epidural. NO.”

Even though I felt like my insides were twisted into an impossibly tight knot, and also engulfed in burning lava, I was not giving in that easily. I knew I was strong. I’d proven that to myself already, countless times. I desperately wanted to continue proving it.

“Well that is really excellent. I fully support that.” She responded. “So, instead, let’s get your position changed then. Get a relief from some of that pressure.” She nodded at the nurse to assist me, and then left the room again.

The nurse placed a large, inflatable birthing ball onto the bed in front of me. “Colette, would you like to try a different position?”

I wiped the beads of sweat from my forehead and stared at her pathetically. “I’ll try _anything_.”

“Ok, let’s get you up on your knees, and lean over the ball…yes, just like that.” She spoke gently as she helped me into a new position.

The doctor was right, this alleviated the uncomfortable pressure significantly, but I knew it would be no match against the pain. I laid my head on the cool, rubbery plastic of the ball, and waited for the inevitable.

My mother’s phone vibrated, and she picked it up quickly, looking at the screen. “He’s landed.” She breathed dramatically.

My head shot up and swiveled to look at her. “He has?” I hurriedly glanced at the clock, which read 7:40. “Early?”

“Early.” She echoed. “Aidan was notified on the plane as soon they taxied to the gate, and they let him get off first. He and your father are already in the car.”

A contraction hit right as she spoke, and I dropped my head and moaned loudly into the crook of my arm. “Oh…..thank……God…”

_He was on his way._

Aidan finally knew. He knew that Raina was almost here. He knew I was waiting for him. He was actually going to make it after all.

The pain and fire within my mind mingled with a tingling sense of relief and release. And as the contraction diminished, I felt tears sting my eyes, and uncontrollable sobs emerged from my throat. They were happy, exhausted sobs of relief.

“Hang in there, honey, he’s on his way.” My mother rubbed my back gently.

I rocked back and forth on the ball, feeling my teeth begin to chatter again. My body had never been through an ordeal as intense as this one. Not even on the island. This experience was just short of what I felt my body could handle. I knew I could have done this by myself, if the situation had come to that, and Aidan couldn’t make it, but I also knew that I needed him, more desperately than I could even comprehend.

I imagined his face. I imagined how it must have looked when he was given the news. I imagined how it would look when he finally made it to my room. I imagined the way it would look when he gazed at our daughter for the first time. Imagining his face was all that got me through the span of time it took for my father to drive him from the airport to the hospital.

I watched the minutes and the seconds tick by, feeling my vision becoming blurry each time a contraction engulfed me, and squeezing my eyes shot as I leaned into the ball.

Each time the second hand made a rotation felt like an hour, but I watched it make its trip around the clock fifteen times, until finally, without warning, the door swung open violently and Aidan came flying around the corner with a look of sheer panic on his face.

When I saw him, my world became whole again and I dropped my forehead to the ball, moaning in relief. “Oh my God…you’re here…”

He rounded the bed swiftly and dropped down next to me, running his hand up and down my back and then through my sweaty hair. “Colette…Oh, I’m so sorry. I’m here, love…I’m here.” His warm lips touched my cheek as I felt another contraction begin.

As my face was pressed into the ball, I reached my hand out blindly towards him for support. My fingers were flexed open in agony and he grasped them with his own. I clenched them around his and squeezed hard as I fought the pain, breathing heavily.

“Arrrghhhhh…owwwwwww….” I moaned.

His hand was firm and warm, holding mine tightly and reassuringly. His presence was comforting in a way that no one else’s had been up to this point. I rocked back and forth on the ball until the contraction diminished, and then I slumped down onto its pliable surface, exhausted on so many levels.

I felt my mother’s touch on my arm opposite Aidan. “Honey, you’re in good hands now. And you’re almost there. I’m so, SO proud of you. I’m going to leave you two be. Hang in there…I love you.” I felt her kiss the side of my forehead gently before she stood up and made her way away from the bed.

I looked up in time to see her nod and smile at Aidan, handing him the cup of ice chips, and then she glanced reassuringly at me before she left the room.

Her interaction with him was deeper than it appeared on the surface. She’d officially passed the caretaker torch to him in that moment. She trusted him to get me through this, and it meant the world to me that she was able to do that, because I knew he was exactly what I needed.

“What can I do, love?” Aidan asked gently from beside me as he continued to stroke my back.

I turned my head and rested it on the ball as I looked at him. “Just be here…” I whispered, closing my eyes in fatigue, but opening them immediately again because more than anything, I just wanted to look at him. I wanted focus on the relief that I felt in his presence. It was the only thing getting me through this mental battle.

“I’m so sorry I haven’t been here. What did the doctor say? How far along are you?” Aidan asked.

“7 centimeters.” I spoke quietly, looking back into his honey-hazel eyes that watched me just as closely. “I really thought you might not make it…”

He moved closer to me and placed his free hand on the side of my face gently. His expression held concern and distress, but also the same relief that mine did. “I’m here. And I’m not going anywhere. You’re doing incredible, Colette. You never cease to amaze me with how strong you are.”

I closed my eyes. “I don’t feel strong right now… This is…so hard…I don’t know how much longer I can take…”

“She’s almost here.” He encouraged gently. “She’s almost in your arms. You can absolutely do this.”

“I’ve been telling her to slow down all morning.” I started to breathe heavily again as another contraction snuck in. “Now….owwww…now I just want her out….” I squeezed Aidan’s hand again as I buried my face in the ball.

My teeth began to chatter again as I groaned loudly. I felt like every muscle within me tensed into tight knots every time the waves of pain seared through me. I knew I was supposed to relax, but I could feel my body preparing to put in the forthcoming tough work that would be necessary. I could hardly believe that my mental state, in waiting for Aidan’s arrival, had delayed things very much. But now that he was here, I was starting to realize that his presence was exactly what I needed to give my body permission to progress forward.

“She’s going to come soon, love, and she’s going to be perfect.” Aidan whispered from beside me. “Just hold onto me. I’m here.”

For the next twenty minutes, my contractions gained intensity exponentially. Aidan never let go of my hand, even though I knew he probably had no blood left in his fingers with my vice grip around them. He talked me through my breathing and spoke encouraging words as I fought my battle.

Eventually, my position on the ball had become uncomfortable and I sat back on my knees, hanging my head back in exhaustion. “I can’t do this…”

“Yes, you can.” Aidan responded without hesitation.

“No, I can’t. I need a break.” I felt like I could barely catch my breath, and my mental state was wearing thin with fatigue. “It’s too much…”

Aidan touched the large ball with his free arm and pushed it to the end of the bed, and then he took my other hand in his, turning me to face him as he stood up. I was kneeling on the bed as he stood in front of me.

“Look at me, Colette.” He spoke gently.

In agony, I lifted my eyes to his.

“You can do this.” His expression held the determination that mine was missing. “You’re more capable of this than anyone I’ve ever known.”

The grip of pain tightened in my stomach again and I squeezed my eyes shut. “Owwwww… They’re coming so close now…” I felt chills course through me as I began to shake uncontrollably, and my teeth clenched through my moan. I leaned my head forward onto his firm chest.

“You’re doing great. Just keep holding onto me.” Aidan brought my hands up to his shoulders and I grasped them firmly, riding the deep and fiery aching within me. The pressure was becoming more and more intense, and suddenly, I felt a different, surprising physical need.

Even though I’d never felt it before, I recognized it immediately. “I think I need to push… I think I need to…” I gasped into his chest.

“Ok, you do? Ok, hang on…” Aidan turned to the nurse who was quietly monitoring the situation.

She rang the doctor immediately as I groaned into Aidan’s shirt. “I need to push…”

“Hang on, love…” He whispered down into my hair.

The nurse came around to the bed and coaxed me to lay back down. “Ok, Colette, the doctor is coming to check you again. Hold on for just a moment.”

There was virtually no break any longer between contractions and I threw my head back onto the pillow as Aidan held my hand. I could feel it now. Raina was coming. She was ready.

My doctor entered the room quickly, and I noticed immediately that she was not moving at her slow pace like before. Her motions were faster. She knew it was time too.

“Ok, Colette, hang in there. Let’s see where you are.” She sat down at the foot of the bed to check my dilation.

The pain was constant now, and I could barely focus on her words as she spoke. “Ok, yes, you are 10 centimeters. It’s time. It’s time to finally meet your daughter, Colette.”

Everything happened quickly after that. Extra nurses entered the room, each with a task of their own, either tending to me or to preparing to care for Raina. Aidan stayed at my side as the doctor tried to remind me to breathe slowly and only push during the intense portion of the contractions.

The entire room was a blur. All I could focus on was the searing pain and pressure. I was beginning to panic. I didn’t know how to deliver a baby. How was everyone in the room trusting me with this? Even though I’d been to the classes and read the books, I suddenly didn’t have the faintest idea what to do.

“I can’t do this…” I felt the words leave my mouth like a whine, but I couldn’t contain them. My eyes squeezed shut. This was so much worse than I could have imagined it to be.

Aidan laid a cold, damp towel on my forehead as he continued to encourage me. “Yes you can. She’s almost here. You’re doing brilliantly.”

“Ok, Colette.” My doctor’s voice was firm. “I’m going to ask you to push on your next contraction.”

I opened my eyes to look at Aidan, who was watching me with concern and sympathy, but also with an expression of pure and unfiltered love. He believed in me, more than I believed in myself in this moment. And while he was being strong for me, he also needed me to be strong for him right now, just like I needed to be strong for Raina. They were both depending immensely on me.

I _could_ do this.

Listening to the doctor’s encouragements and instructions, I pushed through the next four contractions, barely able to comprehend the level of pain which I was enduring, and more exhausted than I could have imagined possible.

I squeezed Aidan’s hand so tightly that I feared I might break a bone, but he never complained once, instead encouraging me again and again without pause. His words flowed into my ears, soothing and confident, making me feel a crucial sense of determination.

This man, who had saved my life multiple times, and had taught me how to trust him in the gentlest way possible, was beside me now, when I needed him the most. His words were what drove me forward, just like they always had, ever since the first time he’d spoken the confidence into me on the beach a year ago.

His words were there for me as I pushed one final time, crying out in agony as I finally delivered our daughter into the world.

I dropped my head back onto the pillow as I caught my breath, and then they were placing her on my chest, brand new and taking her first breaths, still attached to her umbilical cord. I looked down at her for the very first time and brought my hands to her tiny, slippery little body, warm against mine. Her little mouth was wide open, and her eyes were squeezed shut as her cries rang out loudly throughout the room.

I could barely catch my breath. But this time it was because I was stunned by the emotions that overtook me in the moment.

I loved her SO much.

_Instantaneous love._

There was no hesitation and not even a moment to comprehend my reality. All I knew was that she was mine, and loved her more than I’d ever loved anything or anyone before her.

Her little fists grasped at my chest as I stroked her back, and then I tore my eyes from her to look at Aidan. His gaze was locked on her, and he bit his lip, holding in the tears that I could see in the corners of his eyes. He reached his hand out to her, and without hesitation, her tiny fingers gripped his finger tightly.

He glanced at me with pure joy. “She’s perfect.” He breathed, and then he leaned in and kissed my forehead firmly. “You were amazing, Colette. Absolutely amazing.”

I smiled as he moved his lips down to mine and kissed me gently. “I love you so much.” I whispered.

“I love you…” He whispered back as a single tear escaped his eye.

My doctor spoke from the foot of the bed. “Dad, would you like to cut the cord?”

Aidan looked up and wiped the tear from his cheek.

A nurse handed him a pair of surgical scissors and showed him where to cut. I watched him do so with extreme care, and I felt a tear escape my own eye as he experienced such a monumental moment.

“So, do we have a name?” My doctor asked.

“Raina.” I said quietly, looking back down at her tiny little figure on top of me. “Her name is Raina.”

“Beautiful name. And you did wonderful, Colette. Congratulations.” The doctor replied. “Let’s get Raina cleaned up and weighed.”

A nurse took her from my chest and I immediately felt her absence intensely. I watched as she was placed on a table just out of sight, and I panicked, wanting to make sure she was taken care of.

Aidan was next to me again, stroking the misplaced hair from my forehead. “You were amazing. I’m so proud of you. She’s so beautiful.”

I turned my head to look at him. His eyes, filled with immense joy and sentiment, stared back into mine and he smiled as he leaned in to kiss me again.

I touched my hand to his and clasped his fingers gently; a sharp contrast to the strength with which I’d gripped them moments before. “I can’t believe she’s finally here. I love her so much already.” And then I glanced back anxiously towards the table where they were tending to her. I couldn’t quite see her from my angle.

Aidan noticed my concern. “It’s ok. I can see her. They’re weighing her now. She’s doing just fine.”

Her cries were still piercing the room loudly, and I felt an immense need to have her with me again, to comfort her distress.

“Six pounds, eight ounces.” A nurse said from the table. “And a good set of lungs.” She laughed.

I grinned and rested my head back against the pillow again. A new surge of hormones were surging through my veins, and I felt as though I might burst at the seams from happiness. We had a daughter. She was here. Raina was finally here.

After the nurses had cleaned me up and propped me back on a pillow, they brought her back to me, neatly wrapped in a pale pink blanket. They placed her in my arms, and I looked down into her tiny face, now calm and content to finally be warm and cozy.

Aidan sat down next to me on the bed and snaked his arm around me as we stared at her. Her cheeks were rosy and pink, and her hair was dark and fine, but not lacking in quantity for a newborn. The few times she opened her eyes, I noticed that they were blue, like most newborn babies. Her nose was tiny and adorable, and her little red lips formed an “o” as she began to fall asleep.

We were silent as we studied her features. I leaned in and kissed her cheek. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. The feel of her in my arms, and the feel of Aidan next to me were the only things that mattered. I couldn’t imagine anything else ever would.

“She looks like you...” I whispered.

“Really? I think she looks exactly like you.” Aidan laughed.

“I can't believe she's ours...” I spoke gently.

“She’s a little miracle.” Aidan echoed, kissing the side of my forehead. “I can’t believe how much I love her already.”

My mind traveled back to our time on the island, when our love had overtaken any sense of coherent thought, and we’d given in to our deepest emotions together. In retrospect, I’d often wondered whether those moments of untamed love were worth the realities that followed, but now, as I looked down at our perfect daughter, I knew that she was the most beautiful gift, born out of our love.

We sat for another few moments before I turned to him. “Do you want to hold her?”

He took a short nervous breath as he watched me ask him the question, and then he smiled and nodded as he shifted his position on the bed so that I could pass her off to him.

He was gentle and careful as he cradled her head on the crook of his arm, and he pulled her blanket softly away from her face. “Hello Raina.” He cooed, leaning in and placing a gentle kiss on her forehead. “My sweet Raina…”

As I watched him, a new emotion washed over me. I was finally a mother. I was the mother of a sweet little baby girl. And I was watching her father, the love of my life, interact with her for the very first time.

There had once been a day when I’d wanted so badly to know this man, in any small capacity possible. And now, I knew him on a level deeper than I could have ever dreamed, and our love would only continue to grow.

I watched him hold our daughter, who was a beautiful combination of the two of us, born out of a love so strong that it had held us together through events which would have torn others apart.

We were a family now, and I rested my head on his shoulder and placed my hand atop his, which rested on Raina’s tiny shoulder.

I studied her face. She was ours, and she always would be. 

I studied his long, gentle fingers. He was mine, and with all of my heart, I hoped and prayed that he always would be too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my, this was such a culmination of emotions. Sweet Raina is finally here. ❤️
> 
> There is ONE chapter left in this story, and while many chapters and scenes were developed late in the game, this last one is something I've planned since the VERY BEGINNING of this story, and I can't wait to share it with you. ❤️
> 
> [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/ESKcreativeworks)  
> [YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/c/eskcreative)  
> [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/eskcreative/)


	63. Forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This final chapter is dedicated to EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU who have left a comment throughout the story (even if I’ve missed your name on this list). I CANNOT tell you how immensely grateful I am for ALL OF YOU. I’m still floored every day to realize how much positive feedback I’ve received. 
> 
> THANK YOU SO MUCH.
> 
> Alice  
> Amanda  
> Amherstsunrise  
> Andrea H.  
> Andrea S.  
> Andyhowe19  
> Angie R.  
> Angie C.  
> Ann-Louise  
> Anna  
> Attiepbts  
> Beckyhatzopoulos  
> Bev  
> Beverly  
> Blanche  
> Bonnie  
> C.Yeargin  
> Callistoliz  
> Candy  
> Cara  
> Carol S.  
> Carol T.  
> Cate  
> chdancer  
> Cheryl  
> Christine  
> Claudie  
> Daphne  
> Darla  
> Debbie  
> Debra  
> Dee  
> Delilah71  
> Ditte  
> Donna  
> Elizabeth  
> Elsie  
> Emma  
> Evelyn  
> Gabrielle  
> GhOst3d  
> Hannah9race  
> Heather  
> Helen  
> Holly  
> Jackie  
> Jaymi  
> Jean  
> Jeanne  
> Jerri  
> Jibidelahogue  
> Joann  
> Jone  
> Joyce  
> Jude  
> Julie  
> Karen B.  
> Karen H.  
> Karen J.  
> Karen S.  
> Kat  
> Kattay89  
> Kceny1  
> Kim  
> Kristen  
> Krystyna  
> Laura  
> LeenaRaven  
> Lilym29  
> Linda  
> Londonista59  
> Lori  
> Lynda  
> Mae  
> Maedtotravel  
> Maipigen  
> Mandy  
> Marcia  
> Margaret  
> Mariah  
> Marie  
> Marttilas  
> Mary H.  
> Mary K  
> Mary M.  
> Mary_az_54  
> Maxine2020  
> Mayk2  
> Meridith  
> Miriam  
> Mrs_Fitz  
> Nancy  
> Natasha  
> Nolene  
> Pally  
> Pamela  
> Pat A.  
> Pat B.  
> Pat H.  
> Pauline  
> Phantomtea18  
> Poldarkgirl  
> Rachel  
> Rita  
> Robin  
> Samantha  
> Sandra  
> Sandy  
> Sari  
> SeleneMoon21  
> Sevgi  
> Sheila  
> Sherri  
> Sinéad  
> Sofia  
> Sonia  
> Steerncheen  
> Susan  
> Thepoldarkian  
> Trish  
> Trisha  
> Walkersparklefullofjoy
> 
> This is a MEGA LONG chapter. I had so much to cover, and probably could have split it in two, but it felt better as one big happy conclusion. So, sit back, enjoy, and please don’t forget to read the notes at the end. You won’t wanna miss some exciting news!

\--- Three Months Later ---

I blinked my eyes open slowly into the crisp, warm light of the morning. There was a faint sunlight that filtered through the sheer white curtains at the window, and I smiled sleepily. Everything was beautiful to me now; from the way the sun danced across the floor of our bedroom, to the mess of sheets and covers that fell across the bed after a restful night of sleep, to the warm and content realization that another day full of Raina and Aidan lay before me.

I turned over in bed to see that the covers had been pulled away from Aidan’s side. He must have gotten up early to check on Raina. At twelve weeks old, she was starting to sleep through most of the night now, giving Aidan and I some much needed rest. Usually, when we woke up to the sound of her cries through the baby monitor, I was the one to get up first and feed her, but sometimes, on days like today, Aidan woke up before she or I did, and would tend to her until she was hungry.

Closing my eyes, I stretched my arms above my head, feeling the familiar pull of my muscles as they woke up too. With neither of us working for the past three months, our days were filled with precious bonding time with our daughter. It was beautiful, and rewarding, and challenging, and exhausting all at the same time. I just wanted to pause time so that we could remember every little moment. With almost all of our hours devoted to her, we took her on walks in the quaint park down the street, practiced her tummy time on the living room floor, and just yesterday, she’d almost giggled for the first time after Aidan had made one of his silliest faces at her.

Life felt like it couldn’t possibly get any better, and each day I woke up more thankful than the last. Aidan was an amazing father, just like I knew he would be, and I could tell that it came very naturally to him. He was attentive and gentle with her, but he was also silly and playful, and I knew he loved it just as much as she did. Raina had him wrapped around her little finger from the very beginning, and I could already see the strong bond forming between them. She smiled at him in a way that made my heart soar.

She smiled at me too. And when I held her in my arms and looked down into her tiny, precious face, I knew that my infinite love for her would never stop growing. She depended on me for everything at this point, and I could see in her beautiful eyes, that she loved me in her own little way too.

I sat up in bed, ran my fingers through my hair, and yawned as I prepared to start the day. As I looked around the room, I noticed two suitcases sitting near the door. I blinked and furrowed my brow, trying to remember why either of us would have taken them from the closet. Wracking my brain through yesterday’s memories, I had no recollection of doing it myself, so I was completely bewildered.

But before I had a chance to question any further, Aidan pushed the door open and entered the room, smiling with Raina, wide awake in his arms. I beamed when I saw them both, and a tiny grin even appeared on her little face when she saw me.

“Look, Mama is awake.” Aidan spoke gently to Raina and then kissed her cheek as he walked towards me. He sat down next to me on the bed and leaned in to kiss me gently. “Good morning, love.”

“Mmm, good morning.” I smiled, running my fingers softly through Raina’s fine hair and kissing her forehead. Her hair was still very dark, just like it had been when she was born, and I could swear I noticed just the slightest curl forming.

“And good morning to you too.” I added, touching my finger to Raina’s nose and smiling. Her eyes darted around the room and landed on me a few times, and her lips smacked and puckered in anticipation of her breakfast.

I backed up against the headboard and held my arms out for Aidan to pass her to me. When he did, I situated her at my chest so that I could feed her for the morning.

I looked up at Aidan once she’d latched on. “How did you sleep?”

His hazel eyes, filled with admiration, looked back at mine as he absentmindedly touched Raina’s bare foot. “Really well, actually. I think she might finally have this sleeping thing down…for now…”

I laughed gently, thinking about the many sleepless nights we’d endured in the beginning after we’d brought her home. She’d had us up for countless hours during the night for the first two and a half months, but we’d taken turns the best that we could. We were still the team we’d always been, but now with new set of goals in mind.

“Why are the bags out?” I nodded towards the suitcases across the room.

Aidan bit his lip and smiled eagerly. “I know…I kinda couldn’t wait until you finally woke up so that I could tell you.”

I tilted my head and watched him curiously, feeling myself grin too, in response to his excitement.

He shifted on the bed to face me fully. “So, before I explain. I just want you to know that nothing is set in stone, and we can adjust the plans to fit whatever makes you comfortable.”

I blinked at him as he provided the disclaimer. I wasn’t worried. I just wanted to know what he had apparently planned without me. “Are we going somewhere?” I asked, tentatively. We’d considered the possibility of visiting Dublin soon, but I wasn’t quite ready to put Raina on a plane crowded with people.

“Maybe...” He grinned cheekily.

I watched him with increased curiosity. “Not…Dublin? The germs on the plane…”

He shook his head. “No, not Dublin. And I’m not ready to subject her to any commercial flights either… But…” He paused and took a breath. The smirk on his face grew. “So, I’ve been speaking with Air New Zealand…for quite some time now.”

I was perfectly still as he spoke. I had absolutely no idea where he was going with this.

He continued. “They have offered to give us a week-long, fully expenses-paid trip, anywhere in the world…on a private jet.”

My mouth dropped open. “Wait, are you serious?” Air New Zealand had done so much for us already, and I knew private jet service was extremely expensive, not to mention the lodging and other amenities of the trip.

“I’m very serious.” He replied. “I’ve been working out the details with them since September.”

“Oh my goodness, that’s amazing!” I sat forward eagerly with Raina in my arms. “Where are we going?”

His mouth slowly spread into the biggest grin I’d seen from him yet this morning, touching the corners of his eyes. “Tahiti.”

My heart immediately started beating faster in my chest and I felt a thousand emotions course through me in an instant. “Oh my… Tahiti? Really?” I could barely believe his words. “With Raina?”

“Of course with Raina.” He smiled. “I’ve made sure the jet will be thoroughly cleaned, and the lodging is quite extravagant and has everything she’ll need.” He paused. “ _And_ they’re not only paying for just the three of us, but your parents too. They’re going to come along to help watch her occasionally so that we can have some time to ourselves.”

I brought my hand to my mouth involuntarily as tears of joy settled in the corners of my eyes. “Are you serious?” I asked again in barely a whisper.

Aidan laughed and took my hand in his. “Completely. I’ve been itching to tell you about this for months…but I really wanted it to be a surprise. I hope that’s ok. Because we can postpone if you’d rather…”

I interrupted him. “When do we leave?”

He chuckled. “This afternoon…if you’d like.”

My eyes widened and I looked back at the suitcases, which were clearly already packed. “Oh my goodness… Do my parents know?”

“They’ve known for a few weeks.” He smirked. “So, shall I take that as a yes?”

I squeezed his hand eagerly. “Yes! Yes, yes, yes! I can’t even believe it!” I immediately imagined the tropical ocean breeze, the turquoise blue waves, and the powdery white sand between my toes. “I can’t believe you planned all this…and kept it so secret from me.”

Aidan laughed. “I can’t believe I’ve kept it secret either.” His eyes became serious. “But truthfully, I’ve wanted to take you back to the South Pacific ever since the moment we stepped off that plane in LA. It was just a matter of time and the right circumstances. We put so much of our hearts into that little part of the world, it feels like it’s been too long already since we were there.”

I nodded. “It’s where we began. And…” I sensed that Raina was losing interest in her breakfast, and so I lifted her to my shoulder to burp her. “It’s where she began…”

Aidan squeezed my hand in return and passed me a burp cloth from the bedside table. “And I know that Raina won’t remember any of it, so we’ll go back another time I’m sure. But right now, I just want to go for _us_. It’s been almost a year now since we were there, and I think it will be extremely comforting to let those memories flood back.” He paused. “And they’re putting us up in a gorgeous private home right on the beach.”

I patted Raina’s back as I watched him with admiration. Tears still sat at the corners of my eyes. “I love you so much.”

He leaned in and kissed me again. “I love you too.” He locked eyes with me for a moment and then got up and walked to the suitcases, unzipping them both. “We takeoff at 2pm. I think I’ve packed everything we need, but you have plenty of time to double check.”

I pulled Raina from my shoulder and propped her on my lap, turning her around to face Aidan. “Do you think we might catch a glimpse of Tikei as we descend into Tahiti?” I was so excited that we’d be mere miles from our tiny island for the first time since we’d left it.

He turned around and smiled at me. “We can certainly look and see.”

“Oh, I want to see it so bad. I miss it so much.” I sighed as Aidan sat down next to me again.

He blinked and grinned, but he didn’t respond to me as he took Raina’s tiny hand and leaned into talk to her. “Would you like to go to Tahiti, Raina? Does that sound like fun?”

She grinned toothlessly back at him, blinking her eyes eagerly at the sound of his voice and the sight of him. I hardly blamed her for such a reaction. He touched his fingers to her belly and made one of his silly faces. His tone was gentle but playful. “Yes? Would you like that?”

Her grin grew even more as she reacted to his tickling touch and his amusing expression. And then the tiniest, sweetest little giggle erupted from her throat.

Overcome with even more love and joy for both of them, I squeezed her gently and kissed the side of her head. “You think Daddy is funny, do you?”

Aidan’s smile was completely genuine and delighted as he realized he’d made her laugh for the very first time, and he continued to tickle her, coaxing even more giggles.

He eventually looked up at me with a twinkle in his eye. I returned it with a smirk, and we both gazed at each other for a moment, savoring the immense joy of parenthood that inhabited us both.

***

Hours later, we were arriving at a small regional airport in LA, bags packed with probably way too many necessities for Raina. Aidan carried our suitcases from the car into the small terminal while I carried Raina in her portable car seat.

When we came around the corner into the small lounge, I saw that my parents were already waiting.

My mother stood up from her seat and grinned eagerly as we walked towards them. “So, he kept it a secret then?” She winked at Aidan.

I hugged her as I set Raina’s car seat down. “I had NO idea.”

She bent down and straightened Raina’s blanket, grinning widely at her. “Hello Raina…hello sweetheart.” She glanced back at me. “I’m impressed. He’s had this one up his sleeve for months.”

Aidan shook my father’s hand and then smirked at my mother. “It certainly wasn’t easy.”

I touched my mother’s arm. “Oh, I’m just so excited that the both you get to come too.”

She stood up and adjusted her purse on her shoulder confidently. “We’ll be on Raina duty so that the two of you can enjoy yourselves. You deserve it.”

I smiled warmly. “It’ll be great to have two extra sets of hands, but we won’t put you to work too much. I am just so glad that you’ll get to enjoy a vacation too.”

She turned to Aidan with a slight look of apprehension. “I only hope your parents won’t be upset that you hadn’t asked them to join instead.”

He unzipped his bag, pulling out our passports. “They don’t mind. They understand why. Raina is much more comfortable with the two of you at this point anyway, so it makes sense. We’ll do a trip with them sometime as well.”

Just then, a female representative from Air New Zealand entered the lobby and introduced herself to us, smiling brightly. “Good afternoon to all of you. My name is Amelia Morgan. I’m here to ensure that the start of your holiday begins smoothly.”

I smiled warmly at her. “We appreciate it.”

She looked down at Raina and then grinned, bending forwards towards her. “Well, hello little Miss Raina.”

Raina smacked her lips and looked up at her with big eyes.

“She’s precious.” Amelia smiled at me.

“Thank you.” I beamed at Raina and then back up at Amelia as I felt Aidan’s arm snake around my waist, pulling me gently into him.

Amelia guided us through the customs process that would take place, which was much simpler when traveling by private jet, and then she led us out onto the tarmac towards the small plane.

We met our pilot and flight attendant and then climbed aboard. My breath caught as I stepped inside. It was gorgeous. White leather seats – both forward facing ones, and a large plush sofa – and deep mahogany accents were adorned with expensive finishes. Everything was pristine and spotless, and I immediately knew that this was worth extravagantly more than I’d imagined.

“My word…” My mother awed. “This is gorgeous.”

I set Raina’s carrier down and looked at Aidan with wide eyes. “Have you ever been on a plane like this?”

He was gazing around the interior too, and I could tell that he was also impressed. He smiled. “Not nearly as nice as this one, no.”

Amelia stepped onboard briefly. “On behalf of Air New Zealand, I just wanted to say one final word.” Her face became serious. “Even though we know that nothing can ever make up for the trauma that we’ve caused all of you…” She made a point to make eye contact with each of us individually. “We hope that the gift of this trip will be relaxing and refreshing, and that you’ll continue to accept our deepest and sincerest apologies and sentiments for the wrongs we have caused you.”

Aidan stepped forward and extended his hand to her. “We are extremely grateful for your generosity.”

I shook her hand as well, appreciative of her considerate nature in regard to the situation. “Thank you, really.”

After she’d exchanged pleasantries with my parents, she nodded and left us on the plane.

The attendant helped us get Raina’s car seat strapped into one of the forward facing chairs, and then I picked her up in my arms and went to sit on the sofa, knowing I’d be feeding her during takeoff in the hopes that it would distract her from the pressure in her tiny ears. I was a little nervous to take her on a plane, not just because of the events that Aidan and I had endured, but also because she was so small, and I wasn’t sure how she’d react to the change in altitude.

Aidan sat down next to me and kissed my cheek. I looked at him to see that a grin was plastered on his face.

“Excited?” He asked.

“SO excited.” I replied joyfully. “I still can’t believe it’s really happening. I just want to like…walk the beach with you and watch the sunset.” I grinned. “Even though we won’t actually be on our island, it’s going to feel the same to me…”

There was a twinkle in his eye as he smiled and nodded. And then the pilot announced that we’d be taking off shortly, and I settled in to feed Raina.

She did well as we ascended up and away from the LA coastline, barely noticing that anything had changed. And after I’d finished nursing her, I looked down into her eyes and saw that they were drooping shut slowly. She was content with her full belly. I cradled her close to me and kissed her forehead as she drifted off to sleep, and then I laid my head on Aidan’s shoulder and watched the bright blue skies out the window.

I replayed the last fifteen months in my head, extraordinarily grateful for the chain of events that had led me to where I was now; on an insanely expensive jet with my daughter in my arms and the love of my life right beside me.

There had been a time when Aidan and I had both been on a plane, in this same location above the ocean, and we’d been completely oblivious to the course which our life would soon take us.

I closed my eyes, remembering the way he’d looked to me when I’d opened my eyes on the beach that first day. His messy, brown curls blowing in the wind and his gentle hazel eyes staring down into mine. In my state of disorientation, it had taken me a moment to fully recognize him, and when I had, my world had turned upside down. And it had stayed upside down for the next month, while we navigated our new normal and fought for our lives. It stayed upside down when my feelings for him grew from a fantasy longing into a true yearning for his heart, and when I mourned the effect it would have on Jane when she found out. It had only turned right side up again when he’d kissed me for the very first time, with the powdery white sand beneath our feet and the salty ocean breeze in our hair. He’d taken my life and rooted it safely into the ground on that island, and also safely in his heart. Our souls became tangled into an impossibly tight knot during those months alone, and now nothing could tear us apart.

I opened my eyes and turned my head to look up at him. He was watching the window peacefully, deep in thought himself. I raised my chin to kiss the warm skin on his neck, covered in stubble, right underneath his jaw. He glanced at me, grinning happily and gently touched his lips to mine.  
  
I settled my head back into his shoulder and closed my eyes again, holding Raina close. I remembered how incredibly difficult it had been to tell him I was pregnant. Those nerves had been unmatched in my life, and his reaction hung on so many variables. I still had so much to learn about him at that time. But he’d shown me, since that moment, that he was committed and determined to give a beautiful life to his daughter and also to me. And even with the few bumps in the road – misunderstandings, roadblocks set by Jane, and mistakes on both of our parts – we’d weathered the storm and come out on the other side, with a stronger love, and our precious Raina in our arms.

Then, my mind took me back to the vivid memories just three months ago when we’d been in the hospital. I remembered it like it was yesterday…

\--

_“Are you ready for your family to say hello?” Aidan asked from the hospital room doorway._

_I held Raina close to my chest and nodded happily._

_He grinned and pulled the door open wider as my mother, father, and sister stepped in quietly with eager smiles on their faces. They tiptoed over to the bed, gazing at the tiny bundle in my arms._

_“Oh Colette, she’s beautiful…” My mother whispered._

_“Congratulations…to both of you.” My father smiled, looking at Aidan and I. “What have you named her?”_

_I ran my finger gently across the superfine dark hair on her forehead. “This is Raina.”_

_My mother beamed. “What a pretty name… Oh…look at her… How did you come up with it?”_

_Aidan spoke from next to me. “It is a Tahitian name. It means ‘calm sky.’”_

_“That’s absolutely gorgeous.” My sister smiled. “So unique.”_

_“It kinda…just…fit.” I grinned, looking down at Raina’s peaceful sleeping face._

_“It certainly does.” My mother replied._

_I looked up at her. “Would you like to hold her?”_

_The smile on her face grew even wider as she held out her hands excitedly. “Yes. Please…”_

_I chuckled at her eagerness and passed Raina off gently into her arms._

_“What a lucky little thing she is. Lucky little lady…” She looked up at Aidan and I. “You’ll be wonderful parents.”_

_Aidan wrapped his arm around my shoulder and leaned in affectionately. “I’m sure we’ll have a lot to learn from the both of you.”_

_My father shifted closer to my mother, looking down into Raina’s peaceful face. “You know we’ll always be around to help you in whatever way we can.”_

_“Always…” My mother echoed._

_An hour later, after my parents were able to have some personal time with their granddaughter, we invited Lainey in to visit. She’d been sitting in the waiting room patiently, giving us the family time that we craved, but when she came through the door and saw Raina in my arms, she brought her hand to her mouth and beamed at us._

_“Oh my goodness…Raina…” She stepped closer and peered down at her. “She’s so TINY.”_

_I laughed. “Six pounds, eight ounces. She’s pretty little.”_

_“She’s beautiful, Colette.” She looked up at me and smiled. “How are you feeling?”_

_“I’m doing ok. Feeling better to be on the other side of it all.”_

_Lainey smiled and shifted her glance towards Aidan, who sat in a chair next to my bed. “I’m SO glad you made it in time. She was about to lose her mind.” She gestured to me with a smirk._

_Aidan chuckled. “Thank you for playing ‘dad’ while I was detained. You’re a fantastic friend to Colette.”_

_She grinned. “No, thank YOU. I’ve never seen Colette smile so much until you came into her life.”_

_They exchanged nods of appreciation, and I smiled, glad to see two of the most important people in my life so grateful for each other._

_I gestured to Lainey. “Would you like to hold her?”_

_She clenched her fists in excitement and a wide grin spread across her face. “Yessss.”_

_I passed her off gently and Aidan stood up so that Lainey could sit down in the chair. She had played such a huge role in my journey through pregnancy, and I’d leaned on her so many times when I had no one else to speak to. I’d been anticipating this moment for months, when I’d pass Raina off to her for the first time. I trusted Lainey like family, and I knew she’d continue to play a big part in Raina’s life. It was a sentimental feeling to see them interacting for the first time; the beginning of a bond that I knew would grow to be a strong one._

_The next morning, as we prepared to be discharged from the hospital, there was a soft knock on the door, and Aidan opened it slowly and a giant smile grow on his face._

_“Aww, mam, dad…” He beamed happily._

_Aidan’s parents came around the corner, hugging him eagerly and then their eyes found me, out of bed and sitting in a chair with Raina in my arms._

_His mother brought her hands to her mouth in excitement, and then walked swiftly towards me, eyes locked on Raina. “Oh, she’s perfect…look at her…” Her gaze lifted to mine. “How are you feeling, darling?”_

_“I’m tired, but well.” I smiled, still feeling exhausted and sore._

_I passed Raina off to Aidan, who then cradled her gently in his arms. He stepped closer to his parents so that they could see her clearly. “This is Raina. Her name means ‘calm sky’ in Tahitian.” He told them._

_“Oh wow, how fitting.” His father smiled. “She’s a sweet little one. I think she has your hair, Aidan. Looked just like that when you were born.”_

_I grinned, immensely hopeful that he was right._

_Aidan offered her towards his mother, who eagerly held out her arms to receive her. “Oh Raina…darling, you are so loved…”_

_I caught eyes with Aidan, and we smiled warmly at one another, equally grateful that we’d brought our daughter into a world full of so much love._

_After his parents had stayed for a bit, and chatted and cuddled Raina to their heart’s content, we were finally discharged. His parents went to check in at their hotel, and I was wheeled out to Aidan’s car with Raina on my lap._

_He gently placed her in her car seat and the nurse helped to make sure we’d fastened her in correctly. Aidan assisted me in settling into the backseat next to her and then we were on our way home._

_I looked down at her tiny little sleeping figure in the car seat that she would slowly grow into, and I smiled, hardly believing that she was ours._

_Towards the end of the drive, she started to fuss, and I touched my fingers to her cheek, trying to soothe her._

_“How’s she doing back there?” Aidan asked._

_“She’s anxious to be home, I think.” I replied, watching her little face turn red as she tried to work herself into a full-fledged cry._

_But soon, Aidan pulled into our driveway, and I was able to unbuckle her and have her in my arms again. She quieted at my touch, and I smiled, glad that she found comfort in my embrace. I certainly found comfort in her too._

_Aidan carried my hospital bag as we ascended the steps to the door, and just before he opened it, he leaned in and touched Raina’s tiny hand. “Welcome home, Raina.” He smiled, and then he leaned in and kissed me._

_There was a feeling of warmth and contentment that washed over me in that moment. There was something safe and comforting about bringing our child home together, to our house, as parents who were very much committed to her, and to each other. It almost felt like, apart from the legalities, we were married. But I knew we weren’t, and I knew that I would have to be patient, because we’d both agreed to approach that kind of commitment with extreme care and forethought. We had a lot of sleepless nights and challenges in the coming weeks and months, and I had a feeling that, if nothing else, these trials would confirm exactly what we needed to know._

_Aidan turned around and looked at me once we’d stepped inside. He smiled. “This moment right here… It seemed so far off, once upon a time.”_

_I nodded and looked down at Raina, who had fallen back asleep. “We’ve finally made it… And it’s only just begun.”_

_He stepped towards me and kissed my forehead gently, sandwiching Raina softly between us. When he leaned back and looked into my eyes, he grinned. “Do you know what today is?”_

_I blinked and thought for a moment. The last three days had been a complete blur in my mind, and I realized I was completely disoriented._

_When I didn’t respond, he touched his fingers to my neck affectionately, and gazed sentimentally into my eyes. “It’s exactly one year since our plane went down.”_

_I sucked in a breath of air, shocked that I’d forgotten such an important date. “Is it, really?”_

_He nodded, still grinning. “On year since I picked you up out of your seat and carried you off that plane. Tomorrow will be one year since you opened your eyes and looked back at me on the island for the first time.”_

_I swallowed a knot in my throat and felt my eyes begin to water. “I can’t believe it’s been a year… So much has happened, but it’s also completely flown by.”_

_We stared at each other for a moment, reliving the memories and exchanging a wordless appreciation and admiration for one another._

_Aidan leaned in and kissed Raina’s forehead. “And I wouldn’t change a single thing…”_

\--

In the present, on the plane to Tahiti, Raina began to fuss in my arms, and I started to shift her so that I could stand, realizing she probably needed to be changed, but Aidan stopped me and offered to take her himself.

“You can stay. I’ll go change her.” He said, lifting her from my arms and picking up the diaper bag.

“Thank you.” I smiled warmly back at him.

I watched him walk with her, tiny in his arms, over to the far corner of the cabin so that he could change her without disturbing us.

My mother was busy reading a magazine and my father on his iPad. I smiled, loving that everyone was content for the moment.

Once Aidan was finished, he cradled her and sat down across from me, rocking her gently. Her little eyes looked up at him as he smiled and cooed, occasionally kissing her forehead affectionately. I loved seeing their precious moments together, just father and daughter, building their special relationship. Aidan was a natural, and I could tell that he loved every moment of fatherhood. He was made for it.

After a while, she fell asleep in his arms and he moved her to her car seat gently, being careful not to wake her, and then he came to sit next to me again.

“She’s doing well.” I commented, yawning slightly at the sight of her peacefulness.

“She is. But she’s tough. I’m not surprised.” He smiled.

I leaned my head into his shoulder again and he wrapped his arm around me. We stayed like that for many moments, until I felt myself drift lightly into a nap.

***

Hours later, after we’d been served an in-flight dinner, and I’d fed Raina again too, we were beginning to descend in altitude towards Tahiti. Aidan sat next to me, reading a book he’d brought.

Raina started to wiggle in my arms, and my mother offered to take her from me. I passed her off and peered out the window, seeing that we were traveling through a thick layer of clouds.

“Well darn.” I frowned. “I don’t think we’ll be able to see Tikei at all with this weather.”

Aidan turned to look briefly. “Well that’s a shame…” And then he went back to reading.

I sighed and sat back in my seat, trying without success to not let myself get too defeated. “I really wanted to see it…”

Aidan was quiet, and I looked up at my mother to see that she was staring right at me, but when she saw me, she quickly shifted her gaze down to Raina. My father wasn’t looking at me at all.

I furrowed my brow. Why didn’t anyone seem to care? Surely they must have known how much I longed to catch a glimpse of our island again. And Aidan, of all people, should have wanted to see it for himself too. I knew he missed it as much as I did.

I sighed again and stared out the window into the thick white haze. Maybe we’d get another chance on the way back.

The flight attendant came into the room and smiled. “We’re beginning our final descent into Pape’ete. Please fasten your seatbelts and we’ll be landing shortly.”

My mother passed me Raina, who was still sleeping, and I decided not to feed her again, hoping that she’d stay peaceful throughout the change in pressure.

I reached out and took Aidan’s hand in mine. We’d landed safely many times together now, but there was something unique and special about landing on an island in the South Pacific, for the first time in almost a year, and knowing we were so close to the place where we’d fallen in love.

He squeezed my hand gently as I watched the clouds dissipate and the crystal blue waters and vibrant green palm trees come into view.

I smiled as we touched down, I smiled as we exited the plane into the humid evening air and the smell of the sea filled my nostrils, I smiled as we were transported in a luxury SUV to our vacation home, and I smiled as we climbed the pristine steps of the tall, modern white home where we would be staying for the week.

“Beats a primitive cave, huh?” Aidan nudged my shoulder gently.

I looked up to see him grinning widely, and I returned the expression, but we both knew we missed the cave, in real, but strange way.

Inside, the layout of the home was open concept, with a huge kitchen, multiple plush seating areas, and two large bedrooms and bathrooms.

I passed Raina off to Aidan as we stepped out onto the back deck. There was a deep blue infinity pool overhung by coconut palms directly above it. And looking out across the perfectly still water, the edge blended flawlessly into the ocean beyond it. You almost couldn’t tell where the pool ended, and the sea began. There was a set of steps that led down to our own private beach, and I walked to the railing looking down at the sand, taking a deep, cleansing breath of the salty ocean air. The sun sunk low in the sky, sending bits of pink and peach through the clouds, and I felt Aidan’s presence next to me.

“Are you happy, my love?” He spoke gently.

I took another relaxing breath and smiled at him. “Yes, this is perfect… Thank you.”

He smirked and looked down at Raina in his arms, who was beginning to stir finally.

“Hey, Aidan.” My father called from behind us. “Any of those coconuts ripe?” He pointed up at the tree that hung over the pool.

Aidan squinted at the top of the tree. “Yeah, I see a couple of ripe ones.” He paused, as if considering an idea. “Want one?”

My father chuckled. “Oh, no, I was just curious if you still had an eye for it.”

Aidan turned to me with a look of consideration. “I could certainly go for a coconut. You?”

I looked back at the tree. It was tall and thin, but there was a nice gradual curve to it. “I don’t know, Aidan. I don’t want you to get hurt…”

He passed Raina into my arms and shrugged. “What’s the worst that could happen? I fall into the pool?” He rubbed his hands together and kicked his shoes off. “I wanna see if I’ve still got it.”

I hugged Raina close and watched him size up the bottom of the trunk. “Be careful…please.” I was nervous for him, but we’d both climbed so many trees during our time on the island, I was confident he could still do it. And he was right, the worst would result in an unexpected plunge into the pool.

He clung to the tree tightly and began his ascent just as my mother walked out of the house. “Oh dear…what is he doing?” She said quickly.

I chuckled. “Seeing if he’s still _got it_.”

Watching him climb the tree took me immediately to a place in my memory that I’d often visited, but this time it was real, right in front of me, and the sight sent tingles down my spine. He was gorgeous and sexy and strong, just as much as he’d been on our island.

When he reached the top, he pulled a ripe coconut from the branches and signaled towards my father. “Catch?” My father nodded and Aidan threw it to him easily.

Aidan paused at the top of the tree and looked down at the water contemplatively. “You know, now that I’m up here, I wouldn’t mind a bit of a splash into the pool.” He glanced over at me. “Is she awake? Or would this wake her?”

I looked down to see Raina’s eyes alert and looking up at the colorful sky. “She’s awake. But, are you sure Aidan? Your clothes…” I advised, stepping back from the edge of the pool; the splash zone.

“They’ll dry.” He shrugged, and after he saw me smile in acceptance, he leapt from the tree and splashed down right into the middle of the pool, sending large waves crashing over the edge.

I couldn’t help but laugh at his playful spontaneity as we watched him come back to the surface and swim to the steps.

“Now that’s the best way to descend a palm tree.” He chuckled as he ran his fingers through his soaking wet hair.

“That climb was impressive.” My mother grinned.

I smirked at him. “You’ve still got it.”

He flashed me a pleased grin, and then held his hand out for the coconut that my father was holding. “I’ll need some sort of small knife.”

My mother nodded and disappeared into the house.

Aidan brought the coconut towards the landscaped garden and found a rock that could be used to break through the husk. He went to work immediately, and my father watched intently, learning a new skill.

I just smiled, realizing that all of this was just muscle memory to us. It was a way of life that would probably remain close to our hearts for many years to come.

My mother reemerged from the house with a small knife and a towel, handing both to Aidan, who was still dripping wet.

“Thanks.” He replied gratefully, drying off quickly and then carving a small hole into the coconut. “Who wants to taste?” He held it out to us.

My mother looked at me. “You can try it first.”

I smiled and took it from him with a grin, and placed it against my lips, letting the cool liquid touch my tongue. I closed my eyes. It was delicious. It was life. It was like gold to us when we’d been stranded. My mind responded to it now with the same release of stress.

I passed it to both of my parents, who took sips and also commented on its surprising sweetness. And then they let Aidan drink the rest.

“So, _this_ is what you lived on for weeks?” My father asked with concern on his face.

“Well, that, and the flesh.” I responded, watching Aidan poise the coconut over a rock and then crash it down hard enough to break it open.

We passed it around again, nibbling on the hard, milky white substance. My parents were less impressed about this part, but Aidan and I finished it off together, refusing to let any of it go to waste.

Raina watched us as we ate, and I smiled down at her. “Someday you can try some, sweetheart. Someday.”

“Think she’ll have a taste for it?” Aidan grinned.

“I wouldn’t be surprised in the slightest.” I laughed.

He leaned in and kissed my cheek. “I’m gonna go change into something a bit drier.”

“Ok.” I smiled, and then followed my parents into the house and took a seat on the sofa. My mother offered to take Raina, and I handed her off before lounging back against the pillows and closing my eyes.

“I’m so glad to be here.” I sighed happily. “I’m incredibly relaxed already.”

“It is a beautiful place.” My mother mused, holding Raina on her knee and making faces, trying to get a smile. “Very generous of the airline. I’m thankful we got to piggyback on the trip.”

“Me too.” I grinned.

Aidan came back from our bedroom in a fresh set of clothes, holding his phone in his hand with a mischievous smirk on his face. “Would you mind a couple of visitors briefly?”

I watched him curiously. “Visitors?”

“Yeah, real quick. They want to say hi.”

“Who?” I asked.

He grinned wider, and at the same time, there was a knock on the door. I tilted my head in confusion as he left the room to answer it. I stood up and peered around the corner, wracking my brain, trying to figure out who would be visiting us in Tahiti. Who did we know in Tahiti?

“Aye, mates! Good of you to stop by!” Aidan exclaimed as he opened the door.

I blinked eagerly, watching until he opened it wide enough for me to see who was outside. And when I did, my heart immediately filled with joy, and a sentimental smile formed on my face.

Harrison and Jimmy, the two men who had rescued us on their sailboat, stood on the front step, shaking hands with Aidan and exchanging pleasantries.

“It’s such a pleasure to see you again, and to know you’re doing well. Great to have you back down in our neck of the woods.” Harrison grinned as Aidan welcomed them inside. And then his eyes found mine.

I felt an extreme sense of gratitude flow through me as I stepped towards them, extending my arms for a hug. “Oh my goodness, I had no idea you’d be here!”

“Was kind of a spur of the moment thing. The airline told us you’d be visiting, so we swung around and made a stop.” Harrison responded, hugging me tightly.

I beamed at him and then hugged Jimmy as well. “I’m touched that you made a stop for us.” I turned to look at Aidan. “How long have you known about this?”

He grinned. “Only since yesterday. Thought I’d surprise you.”

“I hope we aren’t intruding, ma’am.” Jimmy spoke hesitantly.

“Oh no, not at all.” I smiled widely, gesturing him further inside. “Come in. Come in. I’d love you to meet my parents and our Raina.”

They all followed me into the living room and I picked Raina up from my mother’s arms, cradling her gently. “My parents.” I nodded towards both of them, and they exchanged handshakes and their deepest appreciation. “And this…is Raina.” I stepped forward so that they two men could see her clearly.

Their postures immediately took on a gently nature as they peered down at her. Her eyes found Aidan beside me and she grasped the air in his direction, wanting his attention. I passed her off to him.

“She’s beautiful.” Harrison smiled.

Aidan touched his fingers to her hair affectionately. “If you hadn’t taken your boat so close to the island that day, she may not be here today. We don’t only have you to thank for our own lives, but also for hers.”

I watched their expressions grow sentimental as they realized how much they were appreciated.

We invited them to sit for a while, and we recounted the events to my parents, with Harrison and Jimmy’s side of the story now to tell. I loved seeing the gratitude in my parents’ eyes as they spoke to the men who had saved my life. It was heartwarming to have them all in the same room, at the same time. Everyone was happy. Everyone was content. Everyone was appreciated.

They visited for a half hour, before politely excusing themselves and exchanging goodbyes as old friends. I knew we’d see them again someday. There was a bond there now that could never be broken.

As it continued to grow darker, we all decided to retire for the night, disappearing into our respective bedrooms. I sat on our plush bed, feeding Raina one last time while Aidan showered.

She’d done so well so far; barely fussing at all, and I hoped that she’d sleep through the night too. After burping her, I walked in slow circles around the room, rocking her to sleep. Eventually her breaths grew deeper and her eyes drooped shut. I stopped by her portable crib that we’d brought with us, and placed her gently down.

“Goodnight, darling. Sleep well.” I brushed her dark hair across her little forehead and watched her tiny lips smack open and shut as she settled in. I smiled, realizing that she looked just like Aidan when he slept. I’d seen him make the exact same expression many times.

I changed my clothes and crawled into the lush white bed just as Aidan emerged from the bathroom, shirtless, and still a bit damp.

He looked at the crib. “Is she down?”

I nodded. “Sound asleep.”

He smiled and climbed into bed next to me, rolling towards me and placing a kiss on my forehead before pulling me into his chest. “Did you have a nice day?”

I laughed. “Is that even a question?” I pulled my head back to look at him. “It was amazing, Aidan. I still can’t believe you’ve planned all of this.”

His hazel eyes stared back into mine with a twinkle, and then he smiled and bit his lip, almost like he was stopping himself from saying any more. “Mhmmm.”

“Do remember the night we spent here in Tahiti last year? When we’d been given two hotel rooms, but you chose to stay with me in mine?” I asked.

He grinned. “I do.”

“I was so worried that maybe you needed a moment away from me.” I reminisced. “Like maybe you’d seen too much of me on that island.”

He watched me curiously. “I couldn’t bear to part with you, even just for one night. I wasn’t gonna let you out of my sight.”

I ran my fingers along his arm slowly, remembering how unsure I was of his feelings. But I didn’t question them now. I trusted him completely, and I could see in his eyes that he was so grateful to have earned it.

“Our first night in a bed…” I mused. “It was surreal. Two worlds colliding. I could barely believe you were with me in the real world.”

He smiled. “But here I am, still with you in the real world. I’m so glad to have gone through everything we did. Because we’ve built such a wonderful life as a result.”

“I’m so glad Harrison and Jimmy got to meet Raina. I hope she’ll get to meet them again when she’s older too.” I sighed.

He pulled me into him again. “We’ll make sure she does. They’re good lads. I don’t have any intention of ever saying a permanent goodbye to them.”

I kissed the dark hairs on his warm chest. “I love you.”

His lips touched the top of my head and he left them there for a moment. I felt him breathing slowly and evenly, and then his chest vibrated as he spoke. “I love you very much, Colette.” He ran his fingers gently through my hair. “Now, get some sleep. I want you nice and rested for our walk on the beach tomorrow.”

I grinned and closed my eyes, relaxing into his arms and letting myself drift from consciousness in the safety of his embrace.

***

I blinked my eyes open to the soft morning sunlight falling across the displaced white sheets on the bed. I took a deep breath and stretched my joints, refreshed from a full night of sleep and happy that Raina hadn’t woken us up during the night. And then I turned my head to look at Aidan and found that he was sitting, propped against the headboard, reading a magazine he’d brought from the plane.

When he noticed me stirring, he looked down at me and smiled, closing the magazine and tossing it to the nightstand. “Good morning, love.” His voice was content.

I rubbed my eyes and sat up, scooting up the bed to rest back next to him. “Good morning.” I grinned, leaning in and touching my sleepy lips to his. I looked over at Raina’s crib.

“She’s still asleep.” Aidan assured me.

I rested my head back and closed my eyes happily. “I’m so glad we have the whole week ahead of us. What will we do first this morning? A walk on the beach?”

He didn’t respond right away, so I turned my head and opened my eyes to look at him.

He was watching me with an eager expression. “A walk on the beach is exactly what we’re going to do.” He grinned. “But not this beach.”

I lifted my brows, confused by his meaning. “Which beach then?”

He bit his lip, just like he’d done last night, as if trying to hold in his excitement. Except this time, his restrained lip slid from his teeth and he grinned. “Our beach.”

I was perfectly silent, feeling each beat of my heart as I tried to comprehend his words, barely believing he meant what I thought he might. “Our beach? As in… _our_ beach?”

“ _Our beach_.” He repeated, grinning widely.

I blinked at him as a shocked smile grew on my face. “Wait… Are you serious?”

He reached out and took my hand in his. “We’re going to Tikei today.”

My heart was beating faster now as I stared at him in complete awe. I tried to open my mouth to speak, but no words came out. I was paralyzed with bewilderment, with shock, and with joy.

Aidan just smiled at me, watching me take it all in. He squeezed my hand affectionately.

I began to realize he wasn’t joking, and I felt the tears form in the corners of my eyes. I brought my free hand to my mouth, trying to hold in my emotions. But it was no use, I started to laugh and cry at the same time as a tear overflowed down my cheek. “You…I can’t believe…we? Oh my…” I couldn’t even form coherent phrases. All I could do was picture the sand and the sea, and the prospect of being there with him again.

 _Our_ sand and _our_ sea. _Our_ island.

Aidan laughed and took my other hand so that he was holding them both on his lap. “I told myself the moment we stepped off that island, that I’d bring you back someday. I know how much it means to you. And it means the world to me too.”

I sniffed and took a deep breath, calming my shocked and elated nerves. Aidan reached up to wipe a tear from my cheek. His caramel eyes looked deeply into mine as he waited for me to speak.

I just shook my head as I watched him, amazed that I could possibly fall in love with him even deeper. “Aidan…I have no words. I just…I can’t even…”

He chuckled again. “So, you’re good with that plan then?”

I smirked at him in agreement. “How did you manage this? How are we getting there?”

“Our ride will be here shortly. We’re taking a seaplane.” He replied.

My eyes widened. “Oooh, that sounds like fun.” I looked over at Raina’s crib again.

I was about to ask what we’d do with her, but he spoke up first. “She’s going to stay with your parents. They already know. They’ve known for a few weeks.”

I pulled my hand from his and nudged him playfully. “Oh my God, they knew everything, didn’t they?”

His eyes twinkled again like they had last night. “They certainly do.”

“How long have you had this planned?” I asked.

“It’s literally the reason I chose Tahiti for our vacation. I wasn’t coming here unless we were getting a chance to visit Tikei. So, I’ve known this since September.”

I smiled and then immediately went into motherly mode. “How long will we be there? Will Raina be ok? Do we have enough milk?”

He smiled warmly. “Just for the day, and yes, remember when I suggested you stock a little extra for the trip, just in case?” I grinned as he continued. “I had a reason for that suggestion.”

I watched him with admiration. His kindness and thoughtfulness was more than I could have ever imagined I deserved.

Never breaking eye contact, I climbed from under the covers and over his legs, straddling him and placing my hands on his neck. We gazed deeply at each other and then I leaned my forehead into his and closed my eyes. “You’re so good to me, Aidan. I love you more each and every day.”

His hands found my back, pulling me closer, and he tilted his chin to kiss me tenderly. “I love you too, and I feel exactly the same way…”

An hour later, after I’d fed Raina for the morning, and we’d packed some necessities and some lunch to bring with us – I laughed as we did so, because we couldn’t have dreamed of such amenities a year ago – I held Raina in my arms and kissed her cheeks affectionately. “Ok sweetheart, mama and dada will be back in a little while.”

Her big, wide awake eyes, which had remained a shade of blue/green since her birth, stared back at me, trying to comprehend my words. I smiled at her and then she responded with a toothless grin. I kissed her nose and she blinked, grinning even wider.

Aidan entered from the pool deck, and as soon as she saw him, she reached her uncoordinated arms in his direction and made eager little baby noises.

When his gaze met hers, he opened his mouth in an enthusiastic grin and held his arms out towards her too. “Raina!” He exclaimed.

I passed her off to him and watched as he kissed her forehead while holding her close.

“I’m gonna miss you, sweet girl. Be good for grandma and grandpa.” He ran his fingers across her cheek and kissed her again.

I blinked in admiration, loving how gentle and affectionate he was with her.

My mother, who’d been standing nearby, stepped towards me and enveloped me in a hug. “Oh, I can’t believe I’m even watching you two go back to that island.” She laughed.

I smirked. “We’ll only be there for the day, and the plane will be waiting offshore the whole time. We’ll be back this evening.”

She touched my shoulder and gazed at me. “I know. It just feels strange, but I know how much it means to you both.” She smiled. “You father and I will have a fun day with Miss Raina.”

“She’ll be glad to have a little grandma and grandpa time. Thanks so much for watching her.” I replied.

“It is absolutely our pleasure.” She said as Aidan handed Raina to her.

Raina watched Aidan for a moment with remorse, clearly missing him already. But my mother picked up a toy and distracted her quickly, before she had a chance to express her sadness any further.

“The plane just arrived. It’s docked outside.” Aidan smiled at me, extending his hand for me to follow him.

I had to stop myself from jumping up and down and dancing around the room, because the elation that flowed through me was almost more than I could handle. But, holding myself together, I clasped my hands together eagerly. “Finally…I literally can’t wait any longer!”

We both slung backpacks over our shoulders and exited the back door. I turned around one last time and saw Raina playing happily with my mother. Aidan noticed my hesitation and he reached out and took my hand reassuringly. “She’ll be just fine.”

I smiled. “I know.” And I did, but this would be the first time I left her for more than an hour or two, and I couldn’t help but feel a bit nervous. “I just hope she doesn’t miss us too much.”

He squeezed my hand gently. “She’ll have so much attention from your parents that she won’t even know we’re gone.” He paused and gazed out at the beach. “Look, there’s our plane.”

I followed his line of vision and saw a small blue seaplane situated next to a short dock just fifty yards down the beach. I felt another surge of excitement within me as we made our way down the steps and across the beach towards it.

A friendly-looking man with a crisp white shirt and a pair of casual shorts was standing next to the plane waiting for us. He smiled as we met him on the wide-planked wooden dock. “Mr. Turner, Ms. Matthews. It’s a beautiful day for a flight. My name is Jacob. Welcome aboard.”

We both shook his hand and then climbed into the 8-seater plane, buckling ourselves in. Aidan sat across from me and grinned. It wasn’t nearly as luxurious as the private jet we’d taken from LA, but the seats were plush, and all faced towards the center of the plane for easy conversation.

There was another man sitting next to Jacob in the cockpit, who he introduced as Andrew, his co-pilot. “It’s about an hour travel time to Tikei.” He said. “We don’t have many visitors who choose such a remote island for a day trip. It is beautiful though. I’m sure the two of you know that well.” The plane’s propellers picked up speed as we backed away from the dock.

“We certainly do.” Aidan replied, looking at me with a smile.

“We’ll wait just offshore for the day and provide you with a radio so that you can let us know when you’re ready to return. You’re welcome to stay until dark if you’d like.” Jacob informed us.

Soon, we were skidding across the water effortlessly and then lifting gently into the air with nothing but turquoise and blue filling our windows. The flight was smooth and peaceful, apart from the beating of the propellers. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky today, so Aidan and I spent much of the time staring out the window and remarking on the coral displays beneath the surface of the ocean, and the various islands and atolls that spotted the landscape beneath us.

After almost an hour, Jacob spoke up. “And there…out the window on the left, you’ll see the island of Tikei.”

I pressed my nose into the window eagerly, and there it was, tiny and oblong, dotted with green trees and outlined by soft white sands.

I felt Aidan reach forward to take my hand in his. When I looked up at him, he was staring out the window too with his gaze locked on the place that we once called home. I watched him for a moment, admiring the fact that he was just as sentimental about this trip as I was.

I ran my thumb across his knuckles, grinned, and turned to the window again, watching the island grow closer and closer as we descended towards the water.

Jacob landed the plane perfectly, a few hundred yards from the coast, and then Andrew went to work deploying the inflatable boat which would take us ashore.

With our backpacks on our shoulders, we stepped down off the swaying plane carefully into the boat, which was similar to our lifeboat, but much sturdier, and it was equipped with a small motor.

Jacob climbed in with us and the motor purred to life, propelling us away from the plane and towards the island. Aidan sat pressed against me in the small boat, and we both watched the sandy shore approach.

“It looks exactly the same…” I whispered to him eagerly, and he nodded, taking my hand in his with his eyes locked on the trees.

I immediately recognized that we were on the side of the island where we’d first washed up; the side with less rocks, smoother beaches, and less vegetation. I started to realize I was squeezing Aidan’s hand tightly in anticipation, and so I Ioosened it slightly and ran my thumb over his knuckles again.

Jacob handed Aidan a small two-way radio. “Use this to speak to us, should you need anything, and also whenever you’re ready to call it a day. No rush. Again, feel free to stay until sunset. You have us for the full day.”

Aidan nodded. “Thank you. We really appreciate it.”

He smiled at us both, and I could tell that he saw how sentimental we were about the experience, because he spoke one last time as we reached the sand. “Please know that it is my absolute honor to give you this experience. And I hope it is very healing for the both of you.”

Aidan reached down to remove his shoes in anticipation of stepping into the water, and I did the same.

“Thank you, really, so much.” Aidan smiled, standing up and taking my hand in his as he stepped from the boat into the knee-deep water.

As my toes touched the surface and then sank down into the velvety soft sand, I couldn’t help but grin from ear to ear. We were here. It felt like home in the strangest, sweetest sense.

We waded towards the beach, hand in hand, silently in awe as Jacob motored away, back towards the plane, leaving us alone on our island…again…finally.

The tiny white crystals of sand stuck to our wet feet as we walked ashore, recognizing every tree and bush that we’d spent so much time with. It looked exactly the same, as if no one had touched it since we left.

I had thought my heart would beat loudly in my chest the moment I stepped foot on the island again, but to my surprise, it actually slowed, putting me in a relaxed state I was not expecting so quickly.

Aidan guided me up the beach towards a tall tree on the edge of the vegetation. “Remember this tree?” He asked, turning to me and smiling.

I looked up at its bright green palm fronds, blowing gently in the breeze and closed my eyes. “The first time we met…” I whispered, remembering it clearly.

When I opened my eyes, I saw that he was watching me with an expression of love. He placed his hands on my waist and pulled me closer. “I remember thinking you were so beautiful.” He spoke softly. “I couldn’t believe I was stranded with someone so gorgeous.”

I smirked. “Even with that giant bruise on my head?”

“I don’t even remember the bruise.” He continued. “I just remember _you_.”

I smiled at him for a moment and then leaned into his chest, letting him wrap his arms around me. “I can’t believe we’re actually here…” I whispered into his shirt as my hair blew gently in the breeze. The familiar heat of the sun began to scorch my shoulders, and the distant call of birds sent a wave of nostalgia through me.

He ran his hands up and down my back. “Do you feel like…” He paused. “A part of you will always be here, in your mind?”

I thought about his question for a moment. “Yes, I think so. Is that a bad thing?” I asked tentatively.

“No.” He replied, pressing his lips into my hair. “Because a part of me will always be right here with you.”

I pulled back and looked up at him. His dark curls, unrestrained, were tousled by the breeze as he stared back at me with sincerity. I studied his features, remembering the first time I’d laid eyes on him, right here in this spot. He was the same, but he was also completely different. A rich history with someone does something to the way you see them. Physical features begin to morph with emotional memories, creating the person you who means the world to you.

Aidan brushed a strand of hair from my face. “How about a morning walk by the water, for old times’ sake?”

I took his hand and again and nodded, smiling. “That sounds marvelous.”

We walked the perimeter of the island, pointing out landmarks we remembered and remarking on the conversations we’d once had on these walks. Then, we’d talked about survival, food, and the prospect of rescue. Now, we talked about Raina, our home, and our future. Compared to the past, our life was so much more certain now. It was a secure, peaceful feeling to know that a seaplane floated in the distance, ready to take us back to our daughter whenever we were ready.

The rocks at the edge of the water were becoming larger now and I knew we were getting close to the place that would make me feel the most sentimental. And within moments, it came into view.

There, in front of us, was our cave, with a very weathered bamboo wall leaned against it, and our lemongrass bushes still thriving nearby. The rocks that lined our firepit were still in place, but the bits of wood and ashes had since blown away. Our campsite was so familiar, yet so battered and windswept since the last time we’d been here. A year exposed to the effects of Mother Nature had really changed its appearance. But it was still ours, and I still felt a sense of comfort as we circled around the area, taking it all in.

Aidan picked up the long straight branch that had once been his spear, and he touched his finger to the tip, which had now worn away.

I grinned at him. “Want to go catch us some lunch?”

He laughed as he set it back down. “Not particularly.”

I chuckled and stepped into our cave. “This is so much smaller than I remembered.” I remarked as I looked at the dried palm fronds on the floor and then up at the dozens of tick marks etched into the wall.

Aidan stepped in behind me and wrapped his arm around my waist. He gazed at the wall too. “We were here a long time.”

I nodded, studying each mark and remembering that they all represented an individual day when I’d grown to love him. Sometimes I’d made the marks with remorse or with fear, when the days had been difficult, and sometimes I’d made them with a sense of euphoria, when I’d fallen even deeper for him.

Now, I stepped forward and picked up the tiny etching stone on the floor, and made another mark, a few extra inches from the last one, to represent today; the day when we returned to spend more precious hours together in the sun.

Aidan didn’t say anything as I etched, and I knew he understood exactly what I meant by the extra mark. When I stood back up, he took my waist and turned me around to face him.

“Some of my favorite moments with you have been right here in this cave.” He blinked slowly at me.

I winked. “Yes, I can think of a few.”

He smirked. “Yes, but even just the innocent ones. The mornings when I woke up with you in my arms, and then nights when we stayed up talking until we couldn’t keep our eyes open anymore. I fell in love with you in this cave.”

I beamed at him, so touched by his words, and then I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down to kiss me. His lips touched mine gently, and we stood unmoving for a few seconds, sharing our first kiss in this cave since the day we left the island behind.

When he pulled away, he gazed at me for a moment. “I really missed this place.”

I smiled. “It was our home. And I think it will always feel that way, just a little bit.”

He kissed me again quickly and then touched his backpack. “Are you hungry? I could go for some lunch.”

After we’d filled our bellies with food that was way too easily obtained, we ventured into the trees for a while, and then went for a shallow swim. Seeing him in the open ocean again, with drops of water trailing down his face, as he spun me around in the waves, was a memory I hadn’t even realized I wanted so badly to relive. Swimming with Aidan was freeing, and it was playful, and it was intimate, feeling his warm skin pressed against mine under the surface of the cool water. I could have stayed in the sea with him for the rest of the afternoon, but eventually, we came back ashore, and Aidan started a small fire, so that we could sit and dry off, just like we’d done so often.

I leaned back on my hands, appreciating my freedom to enjoy the late afternoon. “I feel like I should be gathering coconuts or something…”

Aidan laughed and rubbed his stomach. “I don’t even know what it’s like to sit here and actually feel full.”

I smiled, watching him. “It feels, like…the same, but also completely different to be here.”

He nodded and looked out at the sun which was beginning to hang lower in the sky. “To think that the sun has been rising and setting here every single day without us since we’ve been gone.”

I pondered the thought and then laughed. “Do you think the island is as excited to see us as we are to see it?”

He chuckled. “I think so, yes, probably. We were pretty good residents.”

I giggled again at his joke. And when I focused on him, I saw that his smile had turned into an expression of sincere admiration. He held out his hand. “Would you like to dance?”

I beamed at him. “I never thought you’d ask…”

He pulled me to my feet and into his chest as he grasped my right hand firmly and placed the other on the small of my back. I rested my head on his shoulder as he began to sway to the imaginary rhythm that we both knew so well.

Neither of us spoke for many moments as we moved together. I felt the sand between my toes and the gentle breeze in my hair, just like the memories that I’d clung to. And for a moment, with my eyes closed, I easily traveled back in time to the days when our love had been new.

I could hear Aidan’s heartbeat through his shirt with my ear pressed against it, and I noticed that it was not as slow as mine. He wasn’t as relaxed as I was, and I was about to ask him why, but he began to speak first.

“My life has changed so much since the day I met you, Colette.” He said softly. “And not just because of the crash, or this island, but because of your remarkable personality, your love, and your tenderness. You’re perfect for me in a way that I never knew I needed.”

I opened my eyes and looked out over his shoulder across the horizon at the bits of pink and purple that were now spreading throughout the sky.

“I’m a better man because of you. I never knew what it truly meant to love someone, until I came to love you.”

I took a deep breath and smiled into his shirt, feeling his words flow into my ears and through me like honey; sweet and slow.

“When I saved your life, I had no idea that you’d save mine too.” He continued. “…and that you’d give me even more of a reason to fight to live, because I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you, or leaving you alone.” His warm breath was at my ear, speaking gently. “And then when we’d returned home, after leaving this place, I fell in love with you even more, through the perfect days, and through the tough ones.” He paused. “Now, you’ve carried our child and given me the most beautiful daughter. She’s so perfect, Colette. So perfect.”

I felt my eyes begin to water.

“Each day…” He continued. “…both on and off this island, has been an adventure, and each moment an integral part of our story that I never…never want to end.”

Now, I felt my heartbeat begin to pick up pace as he pulled away and stepped back to look at me. His deep, emotion-filled hazel eyes stared back into mine. “I can’t imagine my life without you in it, Colette. You’re so compassionate, so kind, so strong, so beautiful…”

I watched him breathlessly, completely enthralled by him.

“You’ve shown me true love, every single day.” He swallowed. “And I want to be there to support you, and uplift you, and love you, every single day…for the rest of our lives.”

I took a shallow, nervous breath as he smiled warmly and then reached into his pocket, pulling out a tiny box, and dropping down to one knee.

In an instant, the entire world disappeared around us, and every nerve in my body lit up with tenderness and passion in the same moment he opened the box and looked up into my eyes.

“Colette, will you marry me?”

He blinked up at me with the most perfect, gorgeous smile on his face, and only then did I realize that I’d begun to hold my breath.

A single tear escaped my eye as I finally sucked in a breath of joy. My answer had been on the tip of my tongue for months now, just waiting to be released. “Yes…a hundred-thousand times yes…” I gasped.

His smile grew at my response and he stood up quickly, enveloping me in his arms and pressing his lips firmly into mine. I slid my arms around his neck and sunk into him, wanting the moment to last forever. It was the culmination of a love we’d grown for over a year. In this moment, we’d finally made a promise to officially commit to each other for the rest of our lives. I was his and he was mine, and our future was now full of togetherness, for countless years to come. I could barely believe it was even possible to be this incredibly happy. I couldn’t imagine a life without him either. And now, I didn’t have to

Aidan pulled away and smiled at me, gently wiping a tear from my cheek.

I sniffed and wiped another. “I love you so much.” I whispered, looking up at him.

“I love you too, Colette.” He replied, kissing the spot on my cheek where he’d wiped my tear. And then he held the small box between us.

The ring, which I’d barely had a chance to look at before, because I was completely focused on his face and his words, was absolutely breathtaking. In the center was a large, sparkling oval diamond, flanked by two smaller marquise cut diamonds, leading down to a thin, white gold band.

“It’s beautiful…” I breathed, completely in love with it.

“You like it?” He smiled, taking it out of the box.

“Yes, oh my… It’s perfect…” I breathed, holding out my trembling hand for him.

He slid it up my ring finger slowly, and it fit perfectly. And then he leaned down and placed a kiss atop it, before looking up at me again and kissing my lips too.

I looked back down at my hand and tilted in into the setting sun, watching the flashes of light emerge from the stone. And then I gazed back up at him and wrapped my arms around his neck again. “ _You’re_ perfect. All of this was…” I looked around us at our beautiful island. “…perfect.”

He took my hand and smiled. “I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”

I beamed at him, feeling the tears want to emerge again. But I swallowed and nodded. “Our whole lives...”

He grinned. “Come, I want to enjoy this sunset with you from our rock.” He pulled me towards the large one that we’d sat together on, night after night, divulging our deepest thoughts, and our biggest desires for our futures.

Aidan helped me climb to the top and we sat down together, facing the horizon. He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me close to him, placing a long kiss on the side of my forehead. “You make me so happy, Colette. Think of what we can do with all of this future laid out before us…”

I leaned into his shoulder and watched the hazy sun set lower in the sky. The colors were vibrant tonight, rivaling some of the best ones we’d seen during our months here alone. “I can’t believe that at one point, we had no idea if either of us had any future at all. And now, it’s just so bright. And all that matters to me is that it’s with you.” I paused and smiled. “And Raina.”

He trailed his hand up and down my back. “This day has been perfect, and this place is beautiful, but I miss her…” He said quietly.

I laughed, realizing that his feelings mimicked mine perfectly. “Me too.”

“We’ll head back soon.” He reassured, pulling me closer.

We both stared at the sunset in silence for a few moments, in our own minds, but also connected in a way that only we understood.

I turned my head to look at the side of his face. He was peaceful as he watched the horizon. A thousand memories of him flashed through my mind, and a thousand moments in our future followed close behind. His curls blew gently across his forehead, and he blinked slowly; contentedly. I leaned in and placed a soft, deliberate kiss on his jaw. “I can’t believe you’re mine…for…forever.”

He turned to look at me, with sincere love in his endlessly emotional eyes, and then he leaned his forehead gently against mine and closed his eyes.

“You are my forever, Colette.”

***********

[ ](https://ibb.co/C1BKpbB)

For those of you who haven't seen it yet, here is a link to the montage video I've created for Aidan and Colette's story 🥰  
[Aidan & Colette](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ij1_OuCHsfU)  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Where do I even begin? Oh my goodness, writing this story has been an absolute BLAST. I’ve had this general storyline in my head for almost 10 YEARS…way before I even knew Aidan existed. I started writing him into the idea almost a year ago, simply because I had to see what would happen if I really explored it deeply. When I began writing, it was simply for myself. But then I thought, maybe, just maybe, one or two people might find some joy in reading it as well, so I began posting it here on AO3. I never imagined it would gain any sort of following or receive so many comments and kudos. You guys have BLOWN ME AWAY. ❤️
> 
> I have really discovered my love for writing and storytelling through Brace for Impact. And the fact that I can share that love with all of you, and hear that I’ve given you something to look forward to, especially during this pandemic, is the best gift I could have received. 
> 
> You’ve all been so sweet and kind, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to thank you enough for giving me the confidence to continue writing. You've helped me realize that the hours and hours of work are really worth something.
> 
> THANK YOU.
> 
> Aidan and Colette are very dear to me, and they always will be. Even though this is the end of the “bulk’ of their story, I do have SOME plans for their future. I would like to write a few one-shot chapters to add to this series. This will include a wedding chapter (YAY!), as well as one other sweet moment in their future. 
> 
> In addition, I want to give back to all of you as a thanks for the support you’ve given me. I know that many of you are curious to know how their lives turn out in the future, and some of you would like to have seen Aidan’s perspective during certain scenes in Brace for Impact.
> 
> SO, if you have something specific you’d like to see (a previous scene from Aidan’s perspective, or something new from their future) please leave a comment here, or on any of my social media accounts (links below). Fair warning, I will probably only pick a few of the requests, depending on what I’m comfortable with. But I’m curious to know what you all would like to see.
> 
> That being said, I have new story I've just begun! The title is “The Promise.” Aidan will be in his mid-twenties in this storyline, and it will be written in a split point-of-view. Every other chapter will be told from his perspective, which I think is going to be SO FUN to write.
> 
> Here is a short teaser for The Promise:
> 
> "Sophie just wanted to feel something real for once; something true and lasting.
> 
> But a deeply scarred Aidan was afraid of exactly that.
> 
> Would it be possible for two souls with such drastically different needs, to find exactly what they truly desired...in each other?
> 
> Through a series of multiple chances of fate, an overabundance of hesitation, and a friendship that is all but forced upon them, they'll get the chance to finally discover what they've been looking for all along."
> 
> [Click here to read The Promise](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26324212/chapters/64102066)  
> 😊
> 
> I’m also going to get back to writing my original novel, which I’ve neglected for MONTHS. This will likely cause chapters in The Promise to be posted a little slower, but it is a balance I will figure out.
> 
> Again, thank you all SO MUCH. You're all amazing! 😁❤️
> 
> [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/ESKcreativeworks)  
> [YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/c/eskcreative)  
> [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/eskcreative/)


End file.
